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Dwindling In Unbelief



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 29 June 2006The Christian Hell
In yesterday's post I may have given the impression that the Muslim Hell is worse than the Christian. If so, I apologize. Hell is hell, whether Christian or Muslim.
But hell is, at least for the most part, a Christian invention. The early Christian literature described hell in detail, particularly the Apocalypse of Peter (AP).
The AP was probably written in the first half of the second century and was considered to be scripture by Clement of Alexandria. It consists mostly of visions of heaven and hell, with hell described every bit as vividly as it is in the Quran. (In fact, the Quran's hell may be derived from the traditions stemming from the AP.)
Here's what it's like in hell according to the AP.
Blasphemers are hung by the tongue over a lake of fire.
Women who adorned themselves for adultery were hung by their hair over a bubbling mire, with the men who sinned with them hung by their feet with their heads in the mire.
Women who had abortions were immersed in a lake of gore and forced to watch their aborted children cry.
Homosexuals, male and female, were thrown off a cliff and forced to climb back up, repeatedly forever.
So I really don't know which is worse, the Muslim or the Christian hell. But here is a famous painting by Hieronymus Bosch to help you decide.
Posted by Steve Wells at 6/29/2006 12:08:00 PM 3 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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28 June 2006Which hell is worse, the Bible's or the Quran's?
This would be an easy one, if only the Bible were as clearly written as the Quran. But it isn't. In fact, the Bible is so unclear about hell, that Christians disagree about whether or not there is one, and if there is, who goes there, and what it's like. Is it just a place without God (sounds good to me) or a place where you are eternally tortured by the God of Love?
The Quran doesn't have such problems. It spells out exactly what hell is and who goes there. Here a just a sampling of what it has to say.
Lo! Those who disbelieve Our revelations, We shall expose them to the Fire. As often as their skins are consumed We shall exchange them for fresh skins that they may taste the torment. 4:56
They will wish to come forth from the Fire, but they will not come forth from it. Theirs will be a lasting doom. 5:37
For them is drink of boiling water and a painful doom, because they disbelieved. 6:70
And the dwellers of the Fire cry out unto the dwellers of the Garden: Pour on us some water or some wherewith Allah hath provided you. They say: Lo! Allah hath forbidden both to disbelievers (in His guidance) 7:50
If thou couldst see how the angels receive those who disbelieve, smiting faces and their backs and (saying): Taste the punishment of burning! 8:50
On the day when it will (all) be heated in the fire of hell, and their foreheads and their flanks and their backs will be branded 9:35
Hell is before him, and he is made to drink a festering water, Which he sippeth but can hardly swallow, and death cometh unto him from every side while yet he cannot die, and before him is a harsh doom. 14:16-17
Thou wilt see the guilty on that day linked together in chains, Their raiment of pitch, and the Fire covering their faces. 14:49-50
We shall assemble them on the Day of Resurrection on their faces, blind, dumb and deaf; their habitation will be hell; whenever it abateth, We increase the flame for them. That is their reward because they disbelieved Our revelations. 17:97-98
Lo! We have prepared for disbelievers Fire. Its tent encloseth them. If they ask for showers, they will be showered with water like to molten lead which burneth the faces. Calamitous the drink and ill the resting-place! 18:29
The guilty behold the Fire and know that they are about to fall therein, and they find no way of escape thence. 18:53
If those who disbelieved but knew the time when they will not be able to drive off the fire from their faces and from their backs, and they will not be helped! 21:29
Behold them, staring wide (in terror), the eyes of those who disbelieve! 21:97
But as for those who disbelieve, garments of fire will be cut out for them; boiling fluid will be poured down on their heads, Whereby that which is in their bellies, and their skins too, will be melted; And for them are hooked rods of iron. Whenever, in their anguish, they would go forth from thence they are driven back therein and (it is said unto them): Taste the doom of burning. 22:19-22
The fire burneth their faces, and they are glum therein. 23:104
For those who deny (the coming of) the Hour We have prepared a flame. When it seeth them from afar, they hear the crackling and the roar thereof. And when they are flung into a narrow place thereof, chained together, they pray for destruction there. 25:11-13
It will be a hard day for disbelievers. On the day when the wrong-doer gnaweth his hands, he will say: Ah, would that I had chosen a way together with the messenger (of Allah)! 25:26-27
But as for those who disbelieve, for them is fire of hell; it taketh not complete effect upon them so that they can die, nor is its torment lightened for them. Thus We punish every ingrate. And they cry for help there, (saying): Our Lord! Release us; we will do right, not (the wrong) that we used to do. ... Now taste (the flavour of your deeds), for evil-doers have no helper. 35:36-37
Those in the Fire say unto the guards of hell: Entreat your Lord that He relieve us of a day of the torment ... although the prayer of disbelievers is in vain. 40:49-50
Those who deny the Scripture and that wherewith We send Our messengers. But they will come to know, When carcans are about their necks and chains. They are dragged Through boiling waters; then they are thrust into the Fire. 40:70-72
Lo! the tree of Zaqqum, The food of the sinner! Like molten brass, it seetheth in their bellies As the seething of boiling water. (And it will be said): Take him and drag him to the midst of hell, Then pour upon his head the torment of boiling water. 44:43-48
Those who are immortal in the Fire and are given boiling water to drink so that it teareth their bowels. 47:15
So which is worse? I'm not sure. I'll leave that for the Christians and Muslims to fight about.
Posted by Steve Wells at 6/28/2006 12:32:00 PM 2 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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26 June 2006"Thine eye shall not pity her"
In a previous post I mentioned that the Quran (5:38) requires the amputation of a thief's hands. Many Christians, no doubt, would consider such a punishment cruel, yet the Bible requires the very same punishment for much different crime.
What crime would be punished so severely, you ask? Well, I'll let the Good Book tell you directly:
 When men strive together one with another, and the wife of the one draweth near for to deliver her husband out of the hand of him that smiteth him, and putteth forth her hand, and taketh him by the secrets: Then thou shalt cut off her hand, thine eye shall not pity her. -- Deuteronomy 25:11-12
So the Bible says that in certain circumstances we must cut off a woman's hand, and we must do so without pity.
There are some Christians who believe that the Bible's laws (including the one above) should be enforced today just like they were in the time of Moses. I suspect, however, that most Bible-believers would disagree.
I'd like to understand the reasoning of believers who would refuse to follow God's law -- that is, who would refuse to cut off a woman's hand without pity as commanded in the verses quoted above.
Would it be right or wrong to enforce the law today (assuming a woman was guilty of the "crime" described above)?
Would it have been right to cut off her hand a few thousand years ago but wrong today?
Posted by Steve Wells at 6/26/2006 10:18:00 PM 0 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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24 June 2006The Ten Commandments: Jesus couldn't name them all either
Last week on the Colbert Report, Rep. Lynn Westmoreland (co-sponsor of a bill requiring the display of the Ten Commandments) couldn't name the Ten Commandments. He only listed three on the show, although his office claims he got to seven, but the other four were edited out.
If he did make it to seven, then he should feel pretty good about it, since Jesus only came up with five when he was asked the same question in the gospel of Matthew, and the last one on Jesus' list is from Leviticus 19:18, not the Ten Commandments (Exodus 20:2-17, Deuteronomy 5:6-21).
. . . if thou wilt enter into life, keep the commandments. He [the rich young man] saith unto him, Which? Jesus said, Thou shalt do no murder, Thou shalt not commit adultery, Thou shalt not steal, Thou shalt not bear false witness, Honour thy father and thy mother: and, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. -- Matthew 19:17-19
(Notice that the only commandments that Jesus lists are the good ones -- the secular humanist ones that deal with relationships among humans. Nothing about worshiping one god, making graven images, honoring the Sabbath, or taking the Lord's name in vain -- nothing that is about God.)
So let's give Westmoreland a break here. If he couldn't name all the ten commandments or named a few that aren't in the Big Ten, then so what? Not even Jesus could name them all correctly.
As Westmoreland's press secretary said, "I challenge anybody outside of the clergy to try to (name them all)." Both Jesus and Westmoreland failed that challenge; but then, they're not members of the clergy.

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Here's a fun video about the Ten Commandments numbering problem.


Posted by Steve Wells at 6/24/2006 08:51:00 PM 6 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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21 June 2006Oral Sex according to the Scriptures
There's a debate raging among feminist bloggers on the merits (or demerits) of women performing oral sex on men. So I thought I'd search the scriptures to see what I might find.
The results can be found at the SAB on the following pages: What the Bible, Quran, and Book of Mormon say about oral sex.
For a summary of what the New Testament Epistles have to say about marriage and oral sex, be sure to check out the Brick Testament's Instructions on Marriage.
Instructions on Marriage
Posted by Steve Wells at 6/21/2006 09:20:00 AM 6 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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20 June 2006How to punish a thief: The Bible vs. the Quran
The Bible says that poor thieves, who cannot make restitution for what they have stolen, are to be sold into slavery.
If a man shall steal an ox, or a sheep, and kill it, or sell it; he shall restore five oxen for an ox, and four sheep for a sheep. ... If he have nothing, then he shall be sold for his theft. -- Exodus 22:1-3
The Quran says that we should cut off their hands.
As for the thief, both male and female, cut off their hands. It is the reward of their own deeds, an exemplary punishment from Allah. -- Quran 5:38
So what should be done with poor thieves? Should they be sold into slavery or have their hands cut off? (Or should we cut off their hands and then sell them into slavery?)
Posted by Steve Wells at 6/20/2006 10:04:00 AM 14 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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19 June 2006The Good Stuff in the Quran: A summary
In yesterday's post, I compared the amount of good stuff in the Bible to that in the Quran and found that about 1% of the verses in each are (at least what I would call) good.
But what are the good things in the Quran? Here's a summary.
Pay the poor due.
2:43, 83, 110, 277; 5:55; 7:156; 9:18, 71; 22:41, 78; 23:4; 24:37, 56; 31:4; 58:13; 73:20; 98:5
Help the poor and less fortunate.
2:83, 177, 215, 220; 4:2, 10, 36; 5:89; 17:26, 34; 22:28; 30:38, 51:19; 90:12-17; 93:9-10
Be kind to your parents and relatives.
2:83; 4:36; 6:151; 9:60; 16:90; 17:23, 26; 29:8; 30:38; 42:23; 46:15
Seek the truth. Don't lie.
2:42, 111, 113; 3:66; 6:152; 17:36; 20:114; 22:30; 53:28
Value justice.
4:135; 6:152; 22:41; 42:42
Treat women fairly.
3:195, 4:25; 9:71; 30:21
Free the slaves.
2:177; 5:89; 90:12-17
Be tolerant toward other religions. Don't force your religion on others.
2:256; 43:88-89; 109:1,6
Don't steal from orphans.
4:2, 10; 17:34
Do good.
2:195; 4:85
Seek peace.
4:114; 8:61
Don't lend money at unfair rates of interest.
3:130; 4:161
Treat everyone fairly.
3:195, 5:8
Don't kill innocent people.
4:29, 5:32
Be kind to one another.
49:11-12; 90:12-17
Fight evil by with good.
28:54; 41:34
Don't kill your children.
6:151; 17:31
Don't fight wars of aggression.
2:190
Don't hate people.
5:8
Forgive others.
7:199
(The total doesn't work out to the number on the Good Stuff list since some verses are listed more than once.)
Let me know if there are any that I've left out and I'll add them to this list and highlight them at the SAQ.
Posted by Steve Wells at 6/19/2006 01:40:00 PM 2 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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Which has more good stuff, the Bible or the Quran?
In previous post I compared the amount of cruelty in the Bible and Quran. The Bible had more than twice the number of violent verses (843 vs. 334), but the Quran was about twice as violent when size was taken into account (5.36 vs. 2.71%).
But what about the good stuff? How do they compare? Here's a summary:  Number of good passages
Bible 260
Quran 67

So the Bible has nearly four times as many good verses as the Quran. But then it's about 5 times as big. Here's how it looks when size is taken into account.  Good Stuff Total verses Percent
Bible 260 31102 0.84%
Quran 67 6236 1.07%

So when expressed as a percentage of verses, the Bible and the Quran are about equal. About 1% of the verses in each could be considered good.
At least I consider them good; you might disagree. Is Leviticus 19:18 ("Love thy neighbor as thyself.") good? I think so, but that's just my opinion. How about Quran 5:32 ("Whoso saveth the life of one, it shall be as if he had saved the life of all mankind.")? I think that's good too. But each person must make up his or her own mind.
I'll try to delve into this a bit deeper in a future post.
Posted by Steve Wells at 6/19/2006 10:07:00 AM 10 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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17 June 2006Why did God hate Esau?
Okay, the answer to yesterdays bible question (Who does God hate?) is Esau. He is the only person in the Bible (so far as I know) whom God is said to hate. (Malachi 1:3, Romans 9:13)
But why did God hate Esau? Does God hate redheads? (Gen.25:25) Hunters? (Gen.25:27) Polygamists (Gen.26:34), or what?
Can some Bible-believer explain this to me?
Posted by Steve Wells at 6/17/2006 05:40:00 PM 55 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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16 June 2006Whom does God hate?
I’ve often heard that God loves everyone. He hates the sin, but loves the sinner. And that might be true about some gods. But the God of the Bible hates people, right along with the sin (and figs, rags, shrimp, cephalopods, and Christmas trees).
Consider these verses:
I hated them: for the wickedness of their doings I will drive them out of mine house, I will love them no more ... yet will I slay even the beloved fruit of their womb. -- Hosea 9:15-16
And ye shall not walk in the manners of the nation, which I cast out before you: for they committed all these things, and therefore I abhorred them. -- Leviticus 20:23
I will ... cast your carcases upon the carcases of your idols, and my soul shall abhor you. -- Leviticus 26:30
And when the LORD saw it, he abhorred them ... for they are ... children in whom is no faith. -- Deuteronomy 32:19-20
The foolish shall not stand in thy sight: thou hatest all workers of iniquity. -- Psalm 5:5
The LORD trieth the righteous: but the wicked and him that loveth violence his soul hateth. -- Psalm 11:5
These six things doth the LORD hate ... A false witness that speaketh lies, and he that soweth discord among brethren. -- Proverbs 6:16, 19
I hated Esau. -- Malachi 1:3, Romans 9:13
So the Bible-God hates some people (foreign nations, workers of iniquity, wicked people, and liars, to name a few). But there is only one person (that I know of) that God hates by name. What is the name of this God-hated person?
Posted by Steve Wells at 6/16/2006 09:57:00 PM 16 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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Is anything cruel to a believer?
I am often struck by how difficult it is for a believer to identify cruelty. Take this verse from the Quran, for example.
The only reward of those who make war upon Allah and His messenger and strive after corruption in the land will be that they will be killed or crucified, or have their hands and feet on alternate sides cut off, or will be expelled out of the land. Such will be their degradation in the world, and in the Hereafter theirs will be an awful doom. -- Quran 5:33
Is it cruel? Read the verse in its context. Take your time. Think about it. Talk to your friends and fellow believers, and then let me know.
(I’m especially interested in what the Christians think about it. But Muslims can chime in as well.)
Posted by Steve Wells at 6/16/2006 05:54:00 AM 21 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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14 June 2006God's Fiery Serpents
And they journeyed from mount Hor by the way of the Red sea, to compass the land of Edom: and the soul of the people was much discouraged because of the way. And the people spake against God, and against Moses, Wherefore have ye brought us up out of Egypt to die in the wilderness? for there is no bread, neither is there any water; and our soul loatheth this light bread. And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died. Therefore the people came to Moses, and said, We have sinned, for we have spoken against the LORD, and against thee; pray unto the LORD, that he take away the serpents from us. And Moses prayed for the people. And the LORD said unto Moses, Make thee a fiery serpent, and set it upon a pole: and it shall come to pass, that every one that is bitten, when he looketh upon it, shall live. And Moses made a serpent of brass, and put it upon a pole, and it came to pass, that if a serpent had bitten any man, when he beheld the serpent of brass, he lived. - Numbers 21:4-9
These verses have long fascinated both believers and skeptics. What were the mysterious "fiery serpents" that God sent to bite the people, causing many of them to die? Well, parasitologists say it may have been the guinea worm (The nematode Dranunculus medinensis).
To understand why the guinea worm is suspected, you must understand its life cycle.
Guinea worm larvae are released by their mothers into a body of water. The larvae thrash about vigorously until they attract and are eaten by a copepod, which is a small, nearly microscopic, crustacean. The copepod is, however, just a temporary home for the worm. It cannot complete its life cycle unless it can somehow get inside its definitive host: a human being. This is accomplished when someone drinks water containing the infected copepods.
The copepod's body is destroyed by the stomach acids, releasing the guinea worm, which then burrows its way through the intestinal wall. It begins to migrate through the abdominal cavity and into the connective tissue, stopping to mate with another migrating worm that it runs into along the way. By this time females have grown to be nearly a meter in length, while the males are only a few centimeters. After the worms have sex, the little male wanders off to find a place to die, while the female continues her journey through the human host's body.
While the migration of the female worms causes great pain and discomfort, it is when the worm reaches its final destination that the torment really begins. The worms end up just beneath the surface of the skin, usually in the legs or feet, where they remain for a month or more. Their metabolic wastes and the host's allergic reaction cause a blister to form, resulting in intense itching and burning pain. One of the few ways to relieve the pain is to immerse the blister in water, inducing the worm to break through the surface of the skin releasing millions of guinea worm larvae. A copepod eats the larvae, completing the guinea worm life cycle.
But the human suffering is far from over when the worm breaks through the skin, for although the female worms die soon after releasing the larvae, their dead meter-long bodies are not easy to remove. And even if the dead worms can be extracted without rupturing, serious secondary infections often occur.
So how is the worm removed? Well, the traditional way, which is still used today, is to carefully wind the worm around a stick. The only other option is surgical removal, but this is extremely difficult and not often successful.
Well, now that was interesting. But were the "fiery serpents" of Numbers 21 guinea worms in disguise? I'll leave that for you to decide, but some aspects seem to fit the description in Numbers.
The pregnant females are rather large worms and cause excruciating pain when breaking through the skin to release their larvae. So it is easy to see how they could be called "fiery serpents".
Guinea worms would have been present in the region at the time of the Exodus, as they still are today. If the Israelites encountered drought conditions, as they did according to the account in Numbers, it would have facilitated the transmission of the disease by concentrating worm larvae, intermediate hosts (copepods), and infected humans at the same water source.
And the serpent on a pole could well represent the most common form of treatment, then and now: pulling out the guinea worm by winding it on a stick.
Okay, let's assume the "fiery serpents" were guinea worms. If so, what message should we take from all this? What is God trying to tell us here? And what can we learn about God from this passage in Numbers?
One thing that should be clear to us all, of course, is the moral of the story: Don’t whine. God can’t stand a whiner. So if you or your children don’t have enough to eat or drink, well, just keep quiet about it. Whatever you do don’t mention it to God. If you ever get tempted complain about it, just look at this as a reminder.
So we know why God did it. What isn’t so clear, to me at least, is how. Did he simply infect the drinking water with guinea worm larvae? Or did he specially create guinea worms just for the occasion? If so, why didn’t he clean up afterwards? Why did millions of people have to suffer (and still suffer today) because the Israelites complained to God about their living conditions?
And what should we make of the “serpent on a pole” thing? The bible says that people were cured just by looking at it. Would it still work today? If so, then someone should let people know because the current treatment is much more involved (and painful) than that.
You also have to wonder why God didn’t explain how to prevent further infections, because prevention is much easier than treatment. All that is needed is to filter the drinking water through a fine-mesh cloth to remove the copepods. (The World Health Organization has nearly eradicated the disease by using this method.) Wouldn’t that be better than the Moses’ magic brass serpent - or the real treatment that this may have represented? Didn’t God know how to prevent the disease that he created?
But the last question is most important of all. Why are there guinea worms? Did God specifically design these worms to live inside the body of humans? Or were they created by Satan? Or did they just evolve, and God had nothing to do with it? If the first is true, then God is evil. If the second, then there are at least two gods. If the third, then God cannot control his own creation. Which do you think it is?

Posted by Steve Wells at 6/14/2006 10:34:00 PM 5 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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06 June 2006The Bible's War on Marriage
There's a war on out there. A war on marriage. But the attack is not from gays or atheists, or even from academic feminists. It's from the Bible. Consider these verses that:
Encourage polygamy.
If he take him another wife.... -- Exodus 21:10
If a man have two wives, one beloved, and another hated.... -- Deuteronomy 21:15
Encourage adultery.
And the LORD said to Hosea, Go, take unto thee a wife of whoredoms and children of whoredoms. -- Hosea 1:2
Then said the LORD unto me, Go yet, love a woman beloved of her friend, yet an adulteress.... So I bought her to me for fifteen pieces of silver, and for an homer of barley, and an half homer of barley. -- Hosea 3:1-2
Encourage the buying and selling of wives.
And Saul said, Thus shall ye say to David, The king desireth not any dowry, but an hundred foreskins of the Philistines.... And when his servants told David these words, it pleased David well.... Wherefore David arose and went, he and his men, and slew of the Philistines two hundred men; and David brought their foreskins, and they gave them in full tale to the king, that he might be the king's son in law. And Saul gave him Michal his daughter to wife. -- 1 Samuel 18:25-27
Discourage marriage.
It is good for a man not to touch a woman. -- 1 Corinthians 7:1-2
For I would that all men were even as I myself.... I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I. -- 1 Corinthians 7:7-9
Discourage sex in marriage.
But this I say, brethren, the time is short: it remaineth, that both they that have wives be as though they had none. -- 1 Corinthians 7:29
Encourage divorce.
If any man take a wife, and go in unto her, and hate her.... -- Deuteronomy 22:13
When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favour in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house. And when she is departed out of his house, she may go and be another man's wife. -- Deuteronomy 24:1-2
So in the war on marriage, the republicans are fighting the wrong enemy. It's not gay marriage that needs to be outlawed; it's the Bible.
Posted by Steve Wells at 6/06/2006 07:50:00 AM 31 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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05 June 2006And it came to pass
Anyone who reads the Book of Mormon (BoM) will notice that the phrase "and it came to pass" is used way too often. Mark Twain had this to say about it:
The author labored to give his words and phrases the quaint, old-fashioned sound and structure of our King James's translation of the Scriptures.... Whenever he found his speech growing too modern -- which was about every sentence or two -- he ladled in a few such Scriptural phrases as "exceeding sore," "and it came to pass," etc., and made things satisfactory again. "And it came to pass" was his pet. If he had left that out, his Bible would have been only a pamphlet. Roughing It, Chapter 16
The phrase is also, of course, frequently found in the King James Version of the Bible, which is no doubt why Joseph Smith used it in the BoM; it just sounds so darned biblical. The trouble is that he liked it so much that he got carried away with it. Here's a summary of the occurrences of "it came to pass" in the Bible and the BoM.  Bible BoM
it came to pass 452 1424

The phrase occurs more than three times as often in the BoM as in the Bible. That doesn't seem so bad until you look at the size of the two books. The Bible is nearly five times as big as the BoM. Here's how the comparison looks when size is taken into account.  Bible BoM
it came to pass 452 1424
number of verses 31,102 6553
Occurrences per 100 verses  1.45 21.7

So "it came to pass" is found in more than 20% of the BoM's verses -- 15 times as often as in the Bible! But, actually, it's a bit worse than that. The original 1830 edition of the BoM had even more uses of "and it came to pass." But since I can't find a searchable version of the 1830 edition, I can't quantify it for you.
Of course all of this can be explained. Brant A. Gardner in Meridian Magazine tells us that there's a good reason for all the and-it-came-to-passes; Joseph Smith used this phrase to mark the beginning of paragraphs. It's just that simple.
Still it seems strange that he would have had 30 paragraphs in the 39 verses of 1 Nephi 16. I guess the original translation didn't have any punctuation, but still 30 paragraphs in 45 or so sentences seems a bit excessive.
And if the and-it-came-to-passes were used to mark new paragraphs, why do some verses have more than one. Here's Alma 47:11, for example:
And it came to pass that when Lehonti received the message he durst not go down to the foot of the mount. And it came to pass that Amalickiah sent again the second time, desiring him to come down. And it came to pass that Lehonti would not; and he sent again the third time.
Did Joseph Smith really think there should be three paragraphs in this verse?
No, it looks to me like Mark Twain had it exactly right. Joseph Smith thought the and-it-came-to-passes made it sound like scripture, and it would make his rather short book a bit longer. So he couldn't resist.
Posted by Steve Wells at 6/05/2006 02:23:00 PM 33 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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04 June 2006Saul has killed his thousands, and David his tens of thousands
And it came to pass as they came, when David was returned from the slaughter of the Philistine, that the women came out of all cities of Israel, singing and dancing, to meet king Saul, with tabrets, with joy, and with instruments of musick. And the women answered one another as they played, and said, Saul hath slain his thousands, and David his ten thousands. And Saul was very wroth, and the saying displeased him; and he said, They have ascribed unto David ten thousands, and to me they have ascribed but thousands: and what can he have more but the kingdom? And Saul eyed David from that day and forward. 1 Samuel 18:6-9
At the time that these events took place, David was a young man who had only recently been chosen and anointed by God. From that moment on, though, he was God's special hero, for the Bible says that "the Spirit of the LORD came upon David from that day forward." (1 Samuel 16:12-13)
Saul, too, was impressed with David, especially after seeing him kill the ten foot tall Goliath (1 Samuel 17:4) with just a sling and a stone. But when the dancing girls praised David for killing tens of thousands, while saying that Saul had only killed thousands, it was simply more than he could bear.
It wasn't that Saul couldn't compete with David in the number-of-people-killed category. Saul was one of the all time leading killers. One of his first acts, for example, after being anointed by God (1 Samuel 10:1), was to hack a yoke of oxen into pieces, sending the bloody pieces throughout Israel (1 Samuel 11:6-7). He did this marvelous act after "the Spirit of the Lord came upon him." In this way "the fear of the Lord" came upon all the people.
Well, okay, that was oxen, not people. But Saul could kill people too. In fact, the reason he killed the oxen was to force the Israelites to kill Ammonites. You see, when each tribe got a piece of a dead ox in the mail, they'd know it was a call to war. And if they refused to come, Saul would chop up their oxen - or worse.
And it worked too. Saul got 330,000 soldiers to enlist in his war against the Ammonites. That’s more than twice what Blair and Bush have in Iraq! Maybe they should hack up an ox or something.
Anyway, the war turned out great. It only lasted a few hours or so with the Israelites killing the Ammonites "until the heat of the day." Only a few Ammonites survived the day's slaughter, and although the bible doesn't tell us how many were killed, Saul must have racked up tens of thousands on that glorious day.
The Bible tells us that Saul continued to kill others throughout his reign (1 Samuel 14:47-48). Besides the Ammonites, he killed the people of Moab, Edom, and Zobah. And as for the Philistines, wherever he went "he vexed them." But he really outdid himself with the Amalekites. He killed enough of them to satisfy everyone. Everyone, but God, that is.
For some reason, God really hates Amalekites. Way back in Exodus (17:16) he said, "The Lord has sworn that the Lord will have war with Amalek from generation to generation." And I guess he meant it, because in 1 Samuel 15:3, hundreds of years later, God orders Saul to kill every last Amalekite, "both man and woman, infant and suckling, ox and sheep, camel and ass."
Now killing women and children was no big deal to a world-class killer like Saul. Yet somehow, in a moment of ungodly weakness, he let the Amalekite king, Agag, and some of the animals, live. He killed everyone else, though - every man, woman, and child, just as God commanded.
God never forgave Saul for that single act of mercy. He had told Saul to "Go and utterly destroy the sinners the Amalekites," and yet he did "not obey the voice of the LORD." Because Saul rejected the word of the LORD, God rejected Saul from being king.
Then David came along and God knew he'd finally found his killer-king.
And yet according to one of Donald Rumsfeld's aids, The news out of Haditha is "really, really bad -- as bad or worse than Abu Ghraib." But it was nothing compared to what God commanded Saul to do to the Amalekites.
Aren't Rumsfeld and Bush Bible-believers? Why are they ashamed of killing a couple dozen unarmed civilians? They should remember God's command to Saul and take their inspiration from that. "Saul has killed his thousands, and David his tens of thousands." How many have Rumsfeld and Bush killed lately?
Posted by Steve Wells at 6/04/2006 07:15:00 PM 3 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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Behold, it was very good.
And God saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was very good. Genesis 1:31
Everything that God made was, at least at the time and according to him, very good. But things seem to have changed since then.
This is a problem for believers (and not just bible-believers, but all theists and deists, as well). Where did all the predators, parasites, disease, death, and suffering come from? Since they exist, they must have been designed. And although the design may have been intelligent enough, it could hardly be called benevolent.
But Christians believe in a benevolent God. So what's with all the nasty stuff out there?
Well, as you might have guessed, it's all right there in the Bible. But like everything else in there, it depends on who you ask.
Some say that the original creation was just like God said it was in Genesis 1:31: very good. No predators, prey, suffering, death, or disease. Every living thing was immortal and would have lived happily ever after, if only Adam (who cares about Eve?) didn't sin. But he did, so God changed everything. Creatures prey upon one another in a painful struggle ending in a pointless death.
Others say that death and suffering are all a part of God's grand design. Nature is red in tooth and claw because God likes it that way.
[W]e like to think of God as being the God of love. However, God's character is multifaceted and complex. The God of love is going to throw plagues against the earth, eventually burn it up in judgment, and ultimately sentence the unrepentant to eternal torment. Animal death is certainly no less loving than these things.
The God of love tortures people forever in hell; he also enjoys watching cats play with mice.
Others say that God's creation was perfectly benevolent, but then Satan snuck in and ruined everything. They quote Matthew 13:28 where the servant asks the master where the weeds came from and he replies, "An enemy has done this." Satan has power to change God's creation, and he has done so with a vengeance. There is a war going on within nature and God is just another enemy combatant.
Others say that in the beginning God started it all in a big bang billions of years ago, but he didn't know where it was going and didn't intervene along the way (except for maybe a tweak now and then when nobody was looking). He's as surprised (if he still exists) and as shocked by what he sees as you are.
And others just pretend that nature is kind and ignore it when it appears otherwise. Just like they do with the Bible.
I'd be interested to know what the believers think about these options. Which do you prefer? And did I miss any?
Posted by Steve Wells at 6/04/2006 01:39:00 PM 5 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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 29 July 2006Ann Coulter on ID
There's an interesting Ann Coulter interview at Beliefnet. Most of the others that I've seen have focused on her nasty name-calling habits, rather than her ideas, which are even worse. Here, for example, is what she says about creation, evolution, and intelligent design.
Beliefnet: You devote four of your eleven chapters to evolution, and say that Darwin's theory of evolution is "about one notch above Scientology in scientific rigor." So what do you think really happened? Did God create the world in six days? Did he create each species separately? Did he set a chain of causation in motion? Did he "cause" evolution in the sense that all the species are related to each other but God guided their descent?
Coulter: These are unanswerable questions--except the latter. God did not "cause" evolution because evolution doesn't exist. Thus, for example, He also didn't "cause" unicorns. My faith and reason tell me that God created the world and I'm not particularly interested in the details. I'll find out when I meet my Maker.
Did God create the world in six days? Did he create each species separately? Did he set a chain of causation in motion?
She doesn't know or care. She's not interested in the details.
Are any creationists or IDers interested in the details? It reminds me of the dialog in the movie "Inherit the Wind."
Drummond: Now listen to this. This is Genesis 4:16: "And Cain went out from the presence of the Lord and dwelt in the land of Nod, on the east of Eden. And Cain knew his wife." Now where the hell did she come from?
Brady: Who?
Drummond: Mrs. Cain. Cain's wife. If, in the beginning, there were just Cain and Abel, and Adam and Eve, where did this extra woman come from? Did you ever stop to think about that?
Brady: No, sir. I leave the agnostics to hunt for her.
Drummond: Never bothered you?
Brady: Never bothered me.
Drummond: Never tried to find out?
Brady: No.
Drummond: You figure somebody else pulled another creation over in the next county somewhere?
Brady: The Bible satisfies me. It is enough.
Drummond: It frightens me to think of the state of learning in the world if everybody had your driving curiosity.
Posted by Steve Wells at 7/29/2006 11:42:00 AM 13 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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Ann Coulter: Jesus was a godless liberal
On MSNBC's Hardball, Ann Coulter said:
...generally the liberal idea is to be nice to your enemies, punish your friends. No, I think you should punish your enemies and be nice to your friends.
Well, I'm not sure if this is a liberal idea or not, but, if you believe the gospels anyway, it was definitely one of Jesus'.
But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you. -- Matthew 5:44
But I say unto you which hear, Love your enemies, do good to them which hate you. -- Luke 6:27
But love ye your enemies, and do good. -- Luke 6:35
Maybe Jesus founded not only the Catholic Church, but the godless Church of Liberalism as well.
Posted by Steve Wells at 7/29/2006 10:29:00 AM 5 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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28 July 2006Ann Coulter's favorite Bible verses
In a recent post, I suggested that hard core Christians hate the good stuff in the Bible. Well Ann Coulter is a hard core Christian. Here are her favorite verses. (Beliefnet interview)
Fear them not therefore: for there is nothing covered, that shall not be revealed; and hid, that shall not be known. What I tell you in darkness, that speak ye in light: and what ye hear in the ear, that preach ye upon the housetops. And fear not them which kill the body, but are not able to kill the soul: but rather fear him which is able to destroy both soul and body in hell. -- Matthew 10:26-28
Whosoever therefore shall confess me before men, him will I confess also before my Father which is in heaven. But whosoever shall deny me before men, him will I also deny before my Father which is in heaven. -- Matthew 10:32-33
And ye shall be hated of all men for my name's sake: but he that endureth to the end shall be saved. -- Matthew 10:22
If the world hate you, ye know that it hated me before it hated you. -- John 15:18
And the third angel followed them, saying with a loud voice, If any man worship the beast and his image, and receive his mark in his forehead, or in his hand, The same shall drink of the wine of the wrath of God, which is poured out without mixture into the cup of his indignation; and he shall be tormented with fire and brimstone in the presence of the holy angels, and in the presence of the Lamb: And the smoke of their torment ascendeth up for ever and ever: and they have no rest day nor night, who worship the beast and his image, and whosoever receiveth the mark of his name. -- Revelation 14:9-11
Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword. -- Matthew 10:34
It is done. I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. I will give unto him that is athirst of the fountain of the water of life freely. -- Revelation 21:6
Here's how I've classified Ann's favorite verses at the SAB. verse  category 
Matthew 10:26  cruelty, injustice 
Matthew 10:32-33  injustice, intolerance, absurdity 
Matthew 10:22  contradiction 
John 15:18  contradiction 
Revelation 14:9-11  cruelty, intolerance, injustice 
Matthew 10:34  family values, injustice, cruelty, intolerance 
Revelation 21:6  none 

Not a good verse among them.
Posted by Steve Wells at 7/28/2006 10:53:00 PM 14 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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The Irish Psalter: Open to Psalm 84 (Not 83)
A few days ago, an early medieval psalter was found in an Irish bog. It was reported to have been open to Psalm 83, which apparently it was. The hard core Christians went wild.
But it was Psalm 83 of the Latin Vulgate Bible, not of the Protestant versions (such as the KJV or NIV), which number the Psalms differently. Psalm 83 of the Vulgate is Psalm 84 of the King James.
What a difference a chapter can make!
Psalm 83 (of the KJV) contains these verses.
For, lo, thine enemies make a tumult: and they that hate thee have lifted up the head. They have taken crafty counsel against thy people, and consulted against thy hidden ones. They have said, Come, and let us cut them off from being a nation; that the name of Israel may be no more in remembrance.
What a fine coincidence it was, too -- a clear message from God about the end times to come. Here's how the excited and credulous "Live From" CNN host, Kyra Phillips, introduces the topic.
So dig this. A man was bulldozing a bog in central Ireland the other day when he noticed something unusual in the freshly turned soil. Turns out he'd unearthed an early medieval treasure: an ancient book of Psalms that experts date to the years 800 to 1000. Experts say it will take years of painstaking work to document and preserve this book, but eventually it will go on public display.
Now here's the kicker. The book, about 20 pages of Latin script, was allegedly found opened to Psalm 83. Now, if you're a scholar, as you know, Psalm 83: "God hears complaints that other nations are plotting to wipe out the name of Israel."
But shucks! It wasn't Psalm 83 after all, but the very boring Psalm 84. Here is the verse (7) that the Psalter was open to.
Transeuntes in valle fletus fontem ponent eam (In the vale of tears, in the place which he hath set.)
But don't despair, hard core Christians. There is still a way to interpret this verse as a warning from God about the coming destruction. It's all laid out clearly in Hot Air.
Posted by Steve Wells at 7/28/2006 12:40:00 PM 3 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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27 July 2006Bad Books of the Bible
You'd think that "The Good Book" wouldn't have much bad stuff in it. But nearly half (27/66) of the Bible's books have nothing good in them, at least as far as I can see. From Genesis to Revelation, the Bible includes some of the worst stuff in all literature, with 27 books that have not a single piece of useful moral (or any other kind of) advice.
Here's my list of the Bible's bad books:
Genesis
Numbers
Joshua
Judges
Ruth
1 Samuel
2 Samuel
1 Kings
2 Kings
1 Chronicles
2 Chronicles
Ezra
Nehemiah
Esther
Song of Solomon
Lamentations
Daniel
Joel
Obadiah
Jonah
Nahum
Habakkuk
Zephaniah
Haggai
2 Thessalonians
Philemon
Revelation
(Let me know if you can find something good in them. If you can convince me, I'll add the verses to the good stuff and remove the book from the bad book list.)
Posted by Steve Wells at 7/27/2006 05:57:00 PM 16 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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25 July 2006God is love: The most hated verse in the Bible
Have you ever noticed that hard core Christians don't much like the good stuff in the Bible? And they just can't stand the very best.
But the verse they hate most of all is 1 John 4:8.
He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love.
Because if God is love, what the hell is hell?
[It is interesting that Pope Benedict XVI's first encyclical is entitled Deus Caritas Est (God is Love). But then the hard core Christians that I'm talking about don't consider the Pope to be Christian.]
Posted by Steve Wells at 7/25/2006 09:51:00 AM 7 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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The Whole Message of the Bible
I'm having an email discussion with a creationist physics professor who keeps telling me that "the Bible says everywhere" this and that "the whole message of the Bible is" that.
But the Bible has no "whole message" and it says absolutely nothing "everywhere". It is the most inconsistent book ever written.
But that's not surprising since it's not a book, but a collection of books written by many (mostly unknown) authors over a period of 1000 years or so. The Bible teaches nothing consistently throughout. Pick any topic and the Bible will say one thing one place and another in another.
Posted by Steve Wells at 7/25/2006 07:14:00 AM 3 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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24 July 2006The Ten Commandments: Paul couldn't name them all either
Last month on the Colbert Report, Rep. Lynn Westmoreland (co-sponsor of a bill requiring the display of the Ten Commandments) couldn't name them. Which, as I noted in a previous post, is no big deal since Jesus couldn't name them all either.
And neither, apparently, could Paul. Here's what he said about them in Romans.
Thou shalt not commit adultery, Thou shalt not kill, Thou shalt not steal, Thou shalt not bear false witness, Thou shalt not covet; and if there be any other commandment, it is briefly comprehended in this saying, namely, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. Romans 13:9
So Paul listed only five, and then (like Jesus), threw in one that isn't in the Big Ten. And notice again that only the secular commandments are listed. Nothing about which god to worship, making images, the Sabbath, or taking God's name in vain.
So maybe there are only five or six commandments. If so, Westmorland (according to his office) did better than Jesus or Paul! Congratulations Lynn. You're a Peach.
Posted by Steve Wells at 7/24/2006 09:59:00 PM 3 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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21 July 2006The Root Cause of the Problem
In a briefing to Congress on the recent G8 summit, President Bush said
Everybody abhors the loss of innocent life. On the other hand, what we recognize is that the root cause of the problem is Hezbollah.
But the root cause is not Hezbollah, or Syria, Iran, or even Israel. The root cause is religion.
Three incompatible and mutually exclusive religions (Islam, Judaism, and Christianity) fight each other, basing their beliefs upon two of the world's most violent books (the Bible and the Quran). A more perfect recipe for mutually assured destruction could not be found.
When people of Israel, Lebanon, the Middle East, and the world no longer believe in (or pretend to believe in) the Bible and the Quran, there will be hope for peace. Religious belief is the root cause of the problem, and until it is addressed there will be no peace in the region -- or in the world.
Posted by Steve Wells at 7/21/2006 07:08:00 PM 5 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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20 July 2006Forget Amalek: What the Bible really says about fighting terrorism
Rabbi Gellman has a new article in Newsweek (Remember Amalek: What the Bible says about fighting terrorism). He begins by saying:
The Bible is the greatest collection of books, and I believe it to be the complex but discernable word of God.
Well the Bible is one of the three worst books I've ever read (the others are the Quran and the Book of Mormon). And I sure as hell wouldn't blame its contents on God.
Next he tells us that we must be careful when we interpret the Bible, because the Bible can be used to justify anything. To prove it, he uses the Bible to justify Bush's war on terror.
The key to it all, he says, is Amalek.
In Deut. 25:17-19 we read: “Remember what Amalek did unto thee by the way, when ye were come forth out of Egypt; How he met thee by the way, and smote the hindmost of thee, even all that were feeble behind thee, when thou wast faint and weary; and he feared not God. Therefore it shall be, when the Lord thy God hath given thee rest from all thine enemies round about, in the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee for an inheritance to possess it, that thou shalt blot out the remembrance of Amalek from under heaven; thou shalt not forget it.”
God didn't like Amalek's tactics: he attacked the Israelites from behind when they were "faint an weary; and he feared not God." Or as Rabbi Gelman puts it:
This meant that his [Amalek's] soldiers could kill women and children, the elderly and the infirm and in so doing avoid engagement with the soldiers at the front. In this way he could produce maximum carnage and maximum terror. The moral problem the Bible addresses is that this is not warfare, it is the slaughter of innocents—it is terrorism.
So Amalek, according to the Rabbi, was a terrorist. And that's why God hated him so much. And we must hate him too, just as much and forever.
Indeed our remembrance of Amalek is combined with a chilling pledge from God that is also unique in the Bible: “The Lord will have war with Amalek from generation to generation” (Exod. 17:16). Our enemies are just our enemies except if our enemy is Amalek. In that case our enemy is also the enemy of God. Amalek thus becomes the symbol of terrorism in every generation. ... Yes, one can disagree and debate how Amalek must be fought, but not that Amalek must be fought.
But Gellman has it exactly backwards here. We might not know for sure who God thinks Amalek is these days (Amalek's descendents, terrorists, Muslims, Republicans, Knicks fans, etc.), but there can be no debate about what we must do to them whenever and wherever we find them. God made that clear in the Rabbi's favorite book.
Thus saith the LORD of hosts, I remember that which Amalek did to Israel, how he laid wait for him in the way, when he came up from Egypt. Now go and smite Amalek, and utterly destroy all that they have, and spare them not; but slay both man and woman, infant and suckling, ox and sheep, camel and ass. -- 1 Samuel 15:2-3
Now this was a direct command given by God to King Saul several hundred years after Amalek died. (Saul lost his kingdom because he failed to kill everyone as God commanded.) And, as the rabbi pointed out, the instructions still apply today (see Exod. 17:16). So if you think today's Amalekites are terrorists (as Rabbi Gellman does), then you must kill them all -- the terrorists, their families, and their neighbors -- every man, woman, infant, suckling, ox, sheep, camel, and ass.
According to Rabbi Gellman, the difference between us and Amalek is "that our victims were killed by mistake and Amalek's victims were killed by design." But the Bible God doesn't quite see it that way. We must kill them all -- innocent or guilty, young or old, women, children, babies, even their animals.
Gellman ends by endorsing "the message from our president: victory is the only way."
In my heart and prayers, I thank President Bush for remembering Amalek. ... [T]his is a war against a lover of slaughter.
There is no greater "lover of slaughter" than the God of the Bible. Bush should reject his evil commands to kill innocent people.
It's time to finally forget Amalek.
Posted by Steve Wells at 7/20/2006 08:15:00 AM 1 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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19 July 2006For thy pleasure they were created
The Intelligent Design movement has its own wedge issue: natural evil. Its existence is hard to deny, but what do you do with it? If cruelty is designed into creation, then how can the creator be good?
Most IDers solve this problem by shifting the blame from the designer to humans or demons -- anything but God. But of course that's cheating. We should clearly see the existence and nature of God from his creation. After all, Paul says we're going to hell if we don't.
For the invisible things of him from the creation of the world are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even his eternal power and Godhead; so that they are without excuse. -- Romans 1:20
There are a few Christians, though, that take God at his word. He is, after all, the proud creator of evil.
I am the LORD, and there is none else. I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things. -- Isaiah 45:6-7
He made predator and prey, host and parasite, and did it all for his own amusement.
The young lions roar after their prey, and seek their meat from God. -- Psalm 104:21
Thou hast created all things, and for thy pleasure they are and were created. -- Revelation 4:11
An ASA article by David Snoke puts it this way:
God does claim direct responsibility for the creation of natural evil.... God neither apologizes for making these things, nor weeps over them -- he glories in them.
God didn't create a world full of misery to punish Adam and Eve, and the devil didn't make him do it. He did it because he wanted to. He just likes to watch things suffer.
Posted by Steve Wells at 7/19/2006 03:22:00 PM 1 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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18 July 2006Dembski's Defective Design Inference
To make us realize the full extent of human sin, God does not merely allow personal evils (i.e. the disordering of our souls and the sins we commit as a result) to run their course subsequent to the Fall. In addition, God allows natural evils (e.g. death, predation, parasitism, disease, drought, floods, famines, earthquakes, and hurricanes) to run their course prior to the Fall. Thus, God himself wills the disordering of creation, making it defective on purpose. William Dembski, The End of Christianity, p.145
Notice that according to Dembski, God purposefully designed the evils of the natural world, "making it defective on purpose."
What a valuable concept! Defective Design (DD)! It will be interesting to see how Dembski and others who believe in DD will incorporate it into their "design inference."
Posted by Steve Wells at 7/18/2006 08:22:00 PM 1 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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Dembski's Theodicy: God's Preemptive War on Nature
The total amount of suffering per year in the natural world is beyond all decent contemplation. During the minute it takes me to compose this sentence, thousands of animals are being eaten alive; others are running for their lives, whimpering with fear; others are being slowly devoured from within by rasping parasites; thousands of all kinds are dying of starvation, thirst, and disease. It must be so. If there is ever a time of plenty, this very fact will automatically lead to an increase in population until the natural state of starvation and misery is restored. -- Richard Dawkins, River Out of Eden
In a previous post (Behold, it was very good 4 June 06) I listed five ways that Christians try to explain natural evil. Here's a summary:
The original creation was perfect and would have remained that way if Adam hadn't of sinned. But he did, so God changed everything. The natural world was good before Adam's fall, but worse after.
Death and suffering are all a part of God's grand design. Nature is red in tooth and claw because God likes it that way.
God's creation was perfectly benevolent, but then Satan snuck in and ruined everything.
God created the world, but he (she, it, them) can't control it. He didn't know how it would turn out and he is not responsible for it. He's just an innocent bystander.
Natural evil does not exist. Nature, like God and the Bible, is kind and gentle. (Ignore it when it appears otherwise.)
But William Dembski has come up with a whole new theory: God's preemptive war on nature. Here's how it goes (with quotes from Dembski's article).
God created the universe billions of years ago.
I accept standard astrophysical and geological dating (12 billion years for the universe, 4.5 billion years for the earth). -- p.15
It was screwed up from the start because God knew Adam would sin in the end.
God is able to act preemptively in the world, anticipating events and, in particular, human actions, thereby guiding creation along paths that God deems best. -- p. 32
God ... brings about natural evils (e.g., death, predation, parasitism, disease, drought, famines, earthquakes, and hurricanes), letting them run their course prior to the Fall. Thus, God himself disorders the creation, making it defective on purpose. --p.39, Dembki's emphasis
So for hundreds of millions of years, untold billions of sentient creatures were purposefully tormented by God. How can that be true, if God is good?
Well, it's all about us. We are all that God cares about. (J.B.S. Haldane was wrong about God; God doesn't give a shit about beetles.)
God's activity in creation is ... principally concerned with forming a universe that will serve as a home for humans. -- p.37
A world that exhibits natural evil becomes an instrument for revealing to us the gravity of sin. -- p.47
God, in his preemptive war on nature, has purposefully created elaborate methods for systematically tormenting animals. And he's been doing it for hundreds of millions of years while no one but him could watch. But he did it all just for us, to teach us a lesson about the gravity of sin. Kind of makes you feel warm all over, doesn't it?
Posted by Steve Wells at 7/18/2006 12:52:00 PM 0 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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07 July 2006Polygamy Quiz: Bible, Quran, or Book of Mormon?
Which books (Bible, Quran, and Book of Mormon) contain the following passages.
Behold, David and Solomon truly had many wives and concubines, which thing was abominable before me, saith the Lord.
Abijah waxed mighty, and married fourteen wives.
Marry of the women, who seem good to you, two or three or four.
If he take him another wife; her food, her raiment, and her duty of marriage, shall he not diminish.
If a man have two wives, one beloved, and another hated....
Wherefore, my brethren, hear me, and hearken to the word of the Lord: For there shall not any man among you have save it be one wife; and concubines he shall have none.
Thus saith the LORD ... I gave thee ... thy master's wives.
For behold, he did not keep the commandments of God, but ... he had many wives and concubines.
Then shall the kingdom of heaven be likened unto ten virgins, which took their lamps, and went forth to meet the bridegroom.
And if ye wish to exchange one wife for another....
And the answers are ...
Posted by Steve Wells at 7/07/2006 09:23:00 AM 5 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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05 July 2006David, a man after God's own heart (WWDD?)
It would be hard to find anyone in the bible that God liked more than David.
He was directly selected by God to be king, and "the Spirit of the Lord came upon David from that day forward."
And the LORD said, Arise, anoint him: for this is he. Then Samuel took the horn of oil, and anointed him in the midst of his brethren: and the Spirit of the LORD came upon David from that day forward. 1 Sam.16:10-13
His heart "was perfect with the Lord" and "the Lord God of hosts was with him."
David ... grew great, and the LORD God of hosts was with him. 2 Sam.5:10
His [Solomon's] heart was not perfect with the LORD his God, as was the heart of David his father. 1 Kg.11:4, 15:3
He walked in God's ways and kept his statutes.
And if thou wilt walk in my ways, to keep my statutes and my commandments, as thy father David did walk, then I will lengthen thy days. 1 Kg.3:14
And (with the exception of the matter of Uriah the Hitite) he did what was right in the eyes of the Lord in his every act throughout his lifetime.
Because David did that which was right in the eyes of the LORD, and turned not aside from any thing that he commanded him all the days of his life, save only in the matter of Uriah the Hittite. 1 Kg.15:5
He was, according to Acts, a man after God's own heart.
And when he had removed him, he raised up unto them David to be their king; to whom also he gave testimony, and said, I have found David the [son] of Jesse, a man after mine own heart, which shall fulfil all my will. Acts 13:22 (See also 1 Sam.13:14)
So if we want to know what type of person God likes, we need only look at David. Those who believe in the bible should try hard to imitate David, to always ask themselves "What would David Do?" in any particular situation.
With that in mind, then, let's look at some of David's godly acts.
He kills Goliath with his sling, beheads him, and carries the head back to Jerusalem. 1 Sam.17:51-57
He and Saul have a contest to see who can kill the most people for God, and the women act as cheerleaders saying, "Saul has killed his thousands, and David his tens of thousands." 1 Sam.18:6-7
He kills 200 Philistines and brings their foreskins to Saul to buy his first wife (Saul's daughter Michal). 1 Sam.18:25-27
He acts like he's crazy, scribbles on the gates of Gath, and lets spit run down his beard. All this he did in front of Israel's enemies in the hopes that they would take him in and protect him from Saul. 1 Sam.21:12
He "inquired of the Lord, saying, Shall I go and smite these Philistines? And the Lord said unto David, Go, and smite the Philistines ... So David smote them with a great slaughter." 1 Sam.23:2-5
He vows to kill "any that pisseth against the wall." 1 Sam.25:22, 34
He "smote the land and left neither man nor woman alive." 1 Sam.27:8-11
He had many (like Joseph Smith, no one knows how many) wives. 1 Sam.30:5
He tells one of his "young men" to kill the Amalekite messenger who claimed to have mercifully killed Saul at Saul's own request. 2 Sam.1:15
When Joab (David's captain) kills Abner, David says that he and his kingdom are not responsible. The blame, he says, lays with Joab. So David curses Joab, his family, and their descendants forever. Let them all be plagued with venereal diseases and leprosy, starve to death, commit suicide, or lean on staves. 2 Sam.3:27-29
Some of David's men kill Saul's son and bring his head to David, thinking that he'll be pleased. But he wasn't. David has the assassins killed, their hands and feet chopped off, and their bodies hung up (for decorations?) over the pool in Hebron. 2 Sam.4:6-7
He says that whoever kills the lame and the blind will be his "chief and captain." 2 Sam.5:8
He asks God if he should kill some more Philistines. God says yes, and he'll even help. So David and God "smote the Philistines" again. 2 Sam.5:19, 25
He dances nearly naked in front of God and everybody. Michal criticizes him for it and Godpunishes her by having "no child unto the day of her death." 2 Sam.6:14, 20-22
He kills two thirds of the Moabites and makes the rest slaves. He also cripples the captured horses. 2 Sam.8:2-4
He kills and tortures thousands of people, "and the Lord preserved David withersoever he went." 2 Sam.8:6, 14
He sees a woman (Bathsheba) bathing and likes what he sees. so he sends for her and commits adultery with her "for she was purified from her uncleanness." She conceives and bears a son (which God later kills to punish David). 2 Sam.11:2-5
He tells Joab (his captain) to send Bathseba's husband (Uriah) to "the forefront of the hottest battle ... that he may be smitten and die." In this way, David gets another wife. 2 Sam.11:15, 17, 27 (This is the only thing he ever did wrong. Everything else was "right in the eyes of the Lord.")
He tortured or enslaved (depending on translation) the inhabitants of several cities. 2 Sam.12:31, 1 Chr.20:1-3
He shows unusual restraint and "went not in unto his concubines." Instead, he imprisons them as a punishment for being raped by David's son, Absalom. 2 Sam.20:3
To appease God and end the famine that was caused by his predecessor (Saul), David agrees to have seven of Saul's sons killed and hung up "unto the Lord." 2 Sam.21:6-9
Old King David tries to get some heat by having a beautiful virgin minister unto him. 1 Kg.1:1-4
In David's last words, he commands his son Solomon to murder Joab. 1 Kg.2:5-9
So if you believe and trust in the Bible, you should try to follow the example of David in everything you do. Just ask yourself in any situation, "What would David do?", and then do likewise. That way you can be sure to do (just like David did) "that which is right in the eyes of the Lord."
Posted by Steve Wells at 7/05/2006 09:21:00 AM 31 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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 31 August 2006Satan vs God: an updated body count
For those of you keeping score, I've made some additions to the list of people killed by God.  SAB, Brick Testament Number killed
God tells Joshua to stoned to death Achan (and his family) for taking the accursed thing. Joshua 7:10-12, 24-26, BT 5+
God tells Joshua to attack Ai and do what he did to Jericho (kill everyone). Joshua 8:1-25, BT 12,000
God delivered Canaanites and Perizzites Judges 1:4, BT 10,000
Ehud delivers a message from God: a knife into the king's belly Jg.3:15-22, BT 1
God forces Midianite soldiers to kill each other. Jg.7:2-22, 8:10, BT 120,000
Seven sons of Saul hung up before the Lord 2 Sam.21:6-9 7
God sent a lion to kill a man for not killing a prophet 1 Kg.20:35-36 1
Ahaziah is killed for talking to the wrong god. 2 Kg.1:2-4, 17, 2 Chr.22:7-9 1
Trampled to death for disbelieving Elijah 2 Kg.7:17-20  1
Jezebel 2 Kg.9:33-37 1
God sent lions to kill some foreigners 2 Kg.17:25-26 3+
Saul 1 Chr.10:14 1
So chalk up another 142,021 for God, for a new total of 2,270,365. Satan's score remains at 10.
Posted by Steve Wells at 8/31/2006 11:10:00 AM 15 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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30 August 2006God's uncounted and uncountable killings
In a previous post, I counted the number of people that were killed by God in the Bible. I came up with 2,270,365, but that didn't include the many massacres for which no body count is given. So, for the sake of completeness, I figured I ought to at least provide a list of God's un-named and un-numbered victims.
God drowns everyone on earth.
Genesis 7:21-23, Brick Testament
God rains fire and brimstone on Sodom and Gomorrah, killing everyone.
Genesis 19:24, BT
God kills all the firstborn Egyptian children.
Exodus 12:29, BT
God drowns Pharaoh's army in the sea.
Exodus 14:4-28, BT
God and Moses help Joshua kill the Amalekites.
Exodus 17:13, BT
God burned to death an unknown number for complaining.
Numbers 11:1, BT
God sent a plague for complaining about the food.
Numbers 11:33, BT
God killed those who murmured with a plague.
Numbers 14:36-37, BT
Massacre of the Aradites
Numbers 21:3, BT
For complaining about the lack of food and water, God sent fiery serpents to bite the people, and many of them died.
Numbers 21:6, BT
God delivers the Bashanites into Moses' hands and Moses kills everyone "until their was none left alive."
Numbers 21:34-35, BT
The slaughter of the Anakim, the childen of Esau, and the Horims
A people great, and many, and tall, as the Anakims; but the LORD destroyed them ... As he did to the children of Esau, which dwelt in Seir, when he destroyed the Horims from before them. -- Deuteronomy 2:21-22
God hardened the king of Heshbon's heart so that the Israelites could massacre his people.
And the LORD our God delivered him before us; and we smote him, and his sons, and all his people. And we took all his cities at that time, and utterly destroyed the men, and the women, and the little ones, of every city, we left none to remain: -- Deuteronomy 2:33-34, BT
God delievered the king of Bashan so that the Israelites could massacre his people. (60 cities)
So the LORD our God delivered into our hands Og also, the king of Bashan, and all his people: and we smote him until none was left to him remaining. ... And we utterly destroyed them, as we did unto Sihon king of Heshbon, utterly destroying the men, women, and children, of every city. -- Deuteronomy 3:3-6, BT
Massacre of Jericho
And they utterly destroyed all that was in the city [Jericho], both man and woman, young and old, and ox, and sheep, and ass, with the edge of the sword. -- Joshua 6:21, BT
God slaughters the Amorites and even chases them "along the way" as they try to escape.
And the LORD discomfited them before Israel, and slew them with a great slaughter at Gibeon, and chased them along the way ... the LORD cast down great stones from heaven upon them unto Azekah, and they died: they were more which died with hailstones than they whom the children of Israel slew with the sword. -- Joshua 10:10-11
Massacre of Makkedah
Joshua 10:28, BT
Massacre of Libnah
Joshua 10:29-30, BT
Massacre of Lachish
Joshua 10:32, BT
Massacre of Gezer
Joshua 10:33, BT
Massacre of Eglon
Joshua 10:34-35, BT
Massacre of Hebron
Joshua 10:36-37, BT
Massacre of Debir
Joshua 10:38-39, BT
God delivers the Hazorites.
The LORD delivered them into the hand of Israel ... and they smote them, until they left them none remaining. -- Joshua 11:8-12, BT
Massacre of the Anakim
Joshua 11:20-21, BT
Massacre of the Canaanites
Judges 4:15, BT
God delivered the Ammonites to Jephthah to slaughter.
The LORD delivered them into [Jephthah's] hands. And he smote them ... with a very great slaughter. -- Judges 11:32-33
God forces the Philistine soldiers to kill each other.
Every man's sword was against his fellow, and there was a very great discomfiture. -- 1 Samuel 14:20
God orders Saul to kill every Amalekite man, women, and child.
Thus saith the LORD of hosts ... go and smite Amalek, and utterly destroy all that they have, and spare them not; but slay both man and woman, infant and suckling, ox and sheep, camel and ass. ... And Saul smote the Amalekites ... and utterly destroyed all the people with the edge of the sword. -- 1 Samuel 15:2-18
God delivers the Philistines.
I will deliver the Philistines into thine hand. So David ... smote them with a great slaughter. -- 1 Samuel 23:2-5
God delivers the Philistines to David (again).
And David enquired of the LORD, saying, Shall I go up to the Philistines? ... And the LORD said unto David, Go up: for I will doubtless deliver the Philistines into thine hand. ... And David did so, as the LORD had commanded him; and smote the Philistines." -- 2 Samuel 5:19, 25
God sent a three-year famine because of something Saul did.
Then there was a famine in the days of David three years, year after year; and David enquired of the LORD. And the LORD answered, It is for Saul, and for his bloody house, because he slew the Gibeonites." -- 2 Samuel 21:1
Baasha killed everyone in the house of Jeroboam "according to the saying of the Lord."
He smote all the house of Jeroboam; he left not to Jeroboam any that breathed, until he had destroyed him, according unto the saying of the LORD. -- 1 Kings 15:29-30
Zimri killed everyone in the house of Baasha "according to the word of the Lord."
He slew all the house of Baasha: he left him not one that pisseth against a wall ... according to the word of the LORD. -- 1 Kings 16:11-12
God calls for a seven year famine.
The LORD hath called for a famine; and it shall also come upon the land seven years. -- 2 Kings 8:1
God delivered the Israelites into the hand of the Chaldeans.
The wrath of the LORD arose against his people, till there was no remedy. Therefore he brought upon them the king of the Chaldees, who slew their young men with the sword in the house of their sanctuary, and had no compassion upon young man or maiden, old man, or him that stooped for age: he gave them all into his hand. -- 2 Chronicles 36:16-17
Posted by Steve Wells at 8/30/2006 06:30:00 PM 4 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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25 August 2006The worth of a woman: the Bible vs. the Quran
Don't you love it when the Bible and the Quran agree (more or less) on something? I do. Because whenever they do, you can be pretty sure they're both wrong.
Take the worth of a woman, for example. They go at it from slightly different angles, but come up with the same answer. A woman is worth about half as much as a man.
Here's what the Bible has to say.
And thy estimation shall be of the male from twenty years old even unto sixty years old, even thy estimation shall be fifty shekels of silver.... And if it be a female, then thy estimation shall be thirty shekels.
And if it be from five years old even unto twenty years old, then thy estimation shall be of the male twenty shekels, and for the female ten shekels.
And if it be from a month old even unto five years old, then thy estimation shall be of the male five shekels of silver, and for the female thy estimation shall be three shekels of silver.
And if it be from sixty years old and above; if it be a male, then thy estimation shall be fifteen shekels, and for the female ten shekels. -- Leviticus 27:3-7
So, depending on their age, females are worth 1/2 to 2/3 as much as males.
But what does the Quran say?
Well it doesn't come right out, like the Good Book does, and place a monetary value on human life, male and female. But it does compare the value of men and women from a financial point of view.
Allah chargeth you concerning (the provision for) your children: to the male the equivalent of the portion of two females, and if there be women more than two, then theirs is two-thirds of the inheritance, and if there be one (only) then the half. -- Quran 4:11
... unto the male is the equivalent of the share of two females. -- Quran 4:176
And the Quran tells us just how much we should trust a woman's testimony: it's worth half that of a man's.
And call two witness from among your men, two witnesses. And if two men be not at hand, then a man and two women. -- Quran 2:282
So praised be Jesus and Muhammed (peanut butter and jelly be upon them)! The Bible and the Quran agree: a woman is worth half as much as a man.

Posted by Steve Wells at 8/25/2006 05:40:00 PM 43 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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24 August 2006A tale of two prophets
Okay. I've missed another one. (Thanks Joshua Ditty)
In 1 Kings 13, there's a story about two prophets, where one prophet is killed by God (well, a lion that is sent by God) for believing another prophet's lie.
I know it's a silly story, and it's a bit complicated, but it ups the score for God to 2,124,335+ (not including Job's sons and daughters). Satan's score remains at 10.
Posted by Steve Wells at 8/24/2006 04:26:00 PM 2 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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Have ye saved all the women alive?
Oops! In my post, How many has God killed?, I forgot to include the Midianite massacre. But luckily David Plotz in Blogging the Bible reminded me.
Plotz calls it the "most hideous war crime in a Bible filled with them." And he's right about that. It is simply impossible to read this and still believe that it was inspired by a kind and loving God. Here's a brief summary, but if you haven't read the entire story, be sure to do so. (Numbers 31:1-35)
God tells Moses to "avenge the children of Israel of the Midianites." So "they warred against the Midianites, as the LORD commanded Moses; and they slew all the males," taking the women and children captive.
But when the officers returned from the battle, Moses was angry with them, saying, "Have ye saved all the women alive?" So he tells them to
...kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman that hath known man by lying with him. But all the women children, that have not known a man by lying with him, keep alive for yourselves. (Numbers 31:17-18)
The soldiers do as they were told, killing all the women and children except for the virgins, of which there were 32,000. And since there must have been at least twice as many men, non-virgin women, and young boys, I used 90,000 for the Midianite massacre in the revised death toll.
The Brick Testament: Massacre of the Midianties






Posted by Steve Wells at 8/24/2006 10:25:00 AM 2 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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20 August 2006Some suggestions for the next Left Behind Game
The Left Behind video game has been criticized for being too violent. But Jerry Jenkins defends it by saying, "It's not as violent as the Old Testament." And he's right about that. It isn't.
So Jerry has some work to do in future revisions, because the game should be just as violent as the Bible. To achieve that goal, I suggest that the following scenes be included in the next Left Behind game.
Through the wrath of the LORD of hosts is the land darkened, and the people shall be as the fuel of the fire: no man shall spare his brother. And he shall snatch on the right hand, and be hungry; and he shall eat on the left hand, and they shall not be satisfied: they shall eat every man the flesh of his own arm. -- Isaiah 9:19-20
Their stink shall come up out of their carcases, and the mountains shall be melted with their blood. -- Isaiah 34:3
And I will feed them that oppress thee with their own flesh; and they shall be drunken with their own blood, as with sweet wine. -- Isaiah 49:26
Thus saith the LORD, Behold, I will fill all the inhabitants of this land ... with drunkenness. And I will dash them one against another, even the fathers and the sons together, saith the LORD: I will not pity, nor spare, nor have mercy, but destroy them. -- Jeremiah 13:13-14
And I will cause them to eat the flesh of their sons and the flesh of their daughters, and they shall eat every one the flesh of his friend. -- Jeremiah 19:9
Therefore the fathers shall eat the sons in the midst of thee, and the sons shall eat their fathers. -- Ezekiel 5:10
I will not feed you: that that dieth, let it die; and that that is to be cut off, let it be cut off; and let the rest eat every one the flesh of another. -- Zechariah 11:9
Their flesh shall consume away while they stand upon their feet, and their eyes shall consume away in their holes, and their tongue shall consume away in their mouth. -- Zechariah 14:12
And it's important to show the kids how they should view all this mayhem. The Bible is very clear on the subject and this should be an integral part of the game.
The righteous shall rejoice when he seeth the vengeance: he shall wash his feet in the blood of the wicked. -- Psalm 58:10
And their dead bodies shall lie in the street ... And they ... shall see their dead bodies three days and an half, and shall not suffer their dead bodies to be put in graves. And they that dwell upon the earth shall rejoice over them, and make merry, and shall send gifts one to another. -- Revelation 11:8-10
Christian children should look forward to seeing their non-believing family, friends, and neighbors viciously killed, be willing to participate in the slaughter, and be eager to wash their feet in the freely-flowing blood of the unbelievers. Because the Left Behind game should not only be good clean fun; it should also help prepare the children for what is soon to come.
Posted by Steve Wells at 8/20/2006 09:57:00 AM 12 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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11 August 2006God's death toll in the Bible, Book of Mormon, and Quran
In previous posts, I counted the number of people killed by God and Satan in the Bible: 2,821,364 and 10, respectively. That made me wonder how God's death toll in the Bible would compare with its rival holy books: the Quran and the Book of Mormon. Here's what I found.
(I'm only including killings that provide an exact number of victims.)
The Book of Mormon Who Passage Number Killed
Laban 1 Nephi 4:10-18 1
Sherem Jacob 7:15-20 1
Noah  Mosiah 19:16-24  1
Lamanites Mosiah 9:18 3043
Nehor  Alma 1:15  1 
Amlicites  Alma 2:16-19  12532 
Amlici  Alma 2:30-31-19  1 
Korihor Alma 30:59 1
Zerahemnah  Alma 44:12  1 
dissenters  Alma 51:29  4000 
Amalickiah  Alma 51:33-34  1 
Lamanites  Alma 57:14  2000 
Ammoron  Alma 62:36  1 
Paanchi  Helaman 1:7-8  1 
Zemnarihah  3 Nephi 4:28  1 
Nephite soldiers  Mormon 6:9-15  230,000 
Mighty men  Ether 15:2  2,000,000 
The Quran Who Passage Number Killed
Korah 28:79-81 1
Noah's wife and son 11:42 2
Lot's wife 66:10 1
And here's a summary of all three.
 God's Death Toll
Bible 2,821,364
Book of Mormon 2,251,586
Quran 4


Posted by Steve Wells at 8/11/2006 07:47:00 PM 49 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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How are Jesus and Satan alike?
They are both like a lion.
Weep not: behold, the Lion of the tribe of Juda, the Root of David, hath prevailed to open the book, and to loose the seven seals thereof. -- Revelation 5:5
Your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour. -- 1 Peter 5:8
They are the morning star (Venus).
I Jesus have sent mine angel to testify unto you these things in the churches. I am the root and the offspring of David, and the bright and morning star. -- Revelation 22:16
How art thou fallen from heaven, O Lucifer, son of the morning! -- Isaiah 14:12
They existed before the universe was created.
In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. -- John 1:1
Where wast thou when I laid the foundations of the earth? ... When the morning stars sang together, and all the sons of God shouted for joy? -- Job 38:4-7
They are sons of God.
The beginning of the gospel of Jesus Christ, the Son of God -- Mark 1:1
Now there was a day when the sons of God came to present themselves before the LORD, and Satan came also among them. -- Job 1:6, 2:1
Posted by Steve Wells at 8/11/2006 12:09:00 PM 17 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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09 August 2006Who has killed more, Satan or God?
And the LORD said unto Satan, Whence comest thou? Then Satan answered the LORD, and said, From going to and fro in the earth, and from walking up and down in it. Job 1:7

In a previous post, I counted the number of people that were killed by God in the Bible. I came up with 2,476,633, which, of course, greatly underestimates God's total death toll, since it only includes those killings for which specific numbers are given. No attempt was made to include the victims of Noah's flood, Sodom and Gomorrah, or the many plagues, famines, fiery serpents, etc., with which the good book is filled. Still, 2 million is a respectable number even for world class killers.
But how does this compare with Satan? How many did he kill in the Bible?
Well I can only find ten, and even these he shares with God, since God allowed him to do it as a part of a bet. I'm talking about the seven sons and three daughters of Job.
There was a man in the land of Uz, whose name was Job ... And there were born unto him seven sons and three daughters.
...
And the LORD said unto Satan, Hast thou considered my servant Job, that there is none like him in the earth, a perfect and an upright man, one that feareth God, and escheweth evil? Then Satan answered the LORD ... put forth thine hand now, and touch all that he hath, and he will curse thee to thy face. And the LORD said unto Satan, Behold, all that he hath is in thy power; only upon himself put not forth thine hand. So Satan went forth from the presence of the LORD.
...
And there was a day when his sons and his daughters were eating and drinking wine in their eldest brother's house...And, behold, there came a great wind from the wilderness, and smote the four corners of the house, and it fell upon the young men, and they are dead; and I only am escaped alone to tell thee. -- Job 1:1-19
So it seems that both Satan and God share the blame (or the credit) for these killings. If so, then the tally would be:
 killings 
God 2,476,633
Satan 10
No contest.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Update
I've tried to assign numbers to the un-numbered killings in the Bible. You can see the detailed list here.
The results were even more lopsided: 25 million (plus or minus a few million) for God; 60 for Satan.

Here is a more complete table.
 numbered killings estimated total killings
God 2,476,633 25 million
Satan 10 60
Much more information about God's killings, with a chapter on each of the 135 killing events, can be found int the book:


Drunk With Blood: God's killings in the Bible





--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Posted by Steve Wells at 8/09/2006 04:58:00 PM 229 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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02 August 2006How many has God killed?
I kill ... I wound ... I will make my arrows drunk with blood, and my sword shall devour flesh. -- Deuteronomy 32:39-42
How many people did God kill in the Bible?
It's impossible to say for sure, but plenty. How many did God drown in the flood or burn to death in Sodom and Gomorrah? How many first-born Egyptians did he kill? There's just no way to count them all.
But sometimes the Bible tells us exactly how many were killed by God. So what happens if you total all of these killings? What number do you get?
Well, here's what I came up with: 2,476,633
Note that this number is a gross underestimate of the total number. It doesn't include, in many cases, women and children, and it completely leaves out some of God's more impressive kills. (Like the flood, Sodom and Gomorrah, the firstborn Egyptian children, etc.)
So what happens if you use estimates when the Bible provides only numbers for adult male victims or no numbers at all?
Here's my estimate: 25 million
And here is a complete list of all of God's killings in the Bible.
Much more information about God's killings, with a chapter on each of the 135 killing events, can be found int the book:

Drunk With Blood: God's killings in the Bible

Posted by Steve Wells at 8/02/2006 08:41:00 AM 185 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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01 August 2006The Wisdom of Korihor
Korihor is a strange character. He shows up for the first time in Alma 30:12, where he is called the Anti-Christ.
...this Anti-Christ, whose name was Korihor -- v.12
After this rude introduction, Korihor speaks just about the only truth you'll find in the Book of Mormon. Here's what he says about the foolishness of faith:
O ye that are bound down under a foolish and a vain hope, why do ye yoke yourselves with such foolish things? Why do ye look for a Christ? For no man can know of anything which is to come.
Behold, these things which ye call prophecies, which ye say are handed down by holy prophets, behold, they are foolish traditions of your fathers. How do ye know of their surety? Behold, ye cannot know of things which ye do not see; therefore ye cannot know that there shall be a Christ. ... it is the effect of a frenzied mind; and this derangement of your minds comes because of the traditions of your fathers, which lead you away into a belief of things which are not so. -- vv.13-16
And to the religious leaders:
And Korihor said unto him: Because I do not teach the foolish traditions of your fathers, and because I do not teach this people to bind themselves down under the foolish ordinances and performances which are laid down by ancient priests, to usurp power and authority over them, to keep them in ignorance, that they may not lift up their heads, but be brought down according to thy words. Ye say that this people is a free people. Behold, I say they are in bondage. Ye say that those ancient prophecies are true. Behold, I say that ye do not know that they are true. Ye say that this people is a guilty and a fallen people, because of the transgression of a parent. Behold, I say that a child is not guilty because of its parents. -- vv.23-25
And thus ye lead away this people after the foolish traditions of your fathers, and according to your own desires; and ye keep them down, even as it were in bondage, that ye may glut yourselves with the labors of their hands, that they durst not look up with boldness, and that they durst not enjoy their rights and privileges. Yea, they durst not make use of that which is their own lest they should offend their priests, who do yoke them according to their desires, and have brought them to believe, by their traditions and their dreams and their whims and their visions and their pretended mysteries, that they should, if they did not do according to their words, offend some unknown being, who they say is God -- a being who never has been seen or known, who never was nor ever will be. -- vv.27-28
Korihor is arrested for his wise words of honest disbelief, and then taken before the high priest, Alma.
Alma said unto him: Believest thou that there is a God?
And he answered, Nay. -- vv.37-38
Korihor said unto Alma: If thou wilt show me a sign, that I may be convinced that there is a God, yea, show unto me that he hath power, and then will I be convinced of the truth of thy words.
But Alma said unto him: Thou hast had signs enough; will ye tempt your God? Will ye say, Show unto me a sign, when ye have the testimony of all these thy brethren, and also all the holy prophets? The scriptures are laid before thee, yea, and all things denote there is a God; yea, even the earth, and all things that are upon the face of it, yea, and its motion, yea, and also all the planets which move in their regular form do witness that there is a Supreme Creator. -- vv.43-44
Since Alma can't refute Korihor's arguments, he says he'll have God smite him so that he can no longer speak. It's better, he says, that Korihor's soul be lost than that he convince others that there is no God.
...it is better that thy soul should be lost than that thou shouldst be the means of bringing many souls down to destruction, by thy lying and by thy flattering words; therefore if thou shalt deny again, behold God shall smite thee, that thou shalt become dumb, that thou shalt never open thy mouth any more, that thou shalt not deceive this people any more. -- v. 47
So "Korihor was struck dumb, that he could not have utterance, according to the words of Alma." And he "was cast out, and went about from house to house begging for his food. ... And as he went forth amongst them, behold, he was run upon and trodden down, even until he was dead." (vv.50, 56, 59)
So there you have it. Korihor was a freethought martyr and is the true hero of the Book of Mormon. We would all do well to follow his advice.
Posted by Steve Wells at 8/01/2006 12:50:00 PM 17 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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Lot, the just and righteous
Lot was one of God's special heroes. Out of all of the inhabitants of Sodom and Gomorrah, God saved only Lot and his family. And why did God save Lot, you ask? Because Lot was, according to the bible, a just and righteous man.
And delivered just Lot, vexed with the filthy conversation of the wicked: (For that righteous man dwelling among them, in seeing and hearing, vexed his righteous soul from day to day with their unlawful deeds.) -- 2 Peter 2:7-8
What did God like so much about Lot? Well, the bible doesn't say. About the only thing that we know about him is that he offered his two virgin daughters to a crowd of angel rapers, saying:
Behold now, I have two daughters which have not known man; let me, I pray you, bring them out unto you, and do ye to them as is good in your eyes. -- Genesis 19:8
(Lot was probably lying about the "virgin" part, just to make his daughters look more attractive to the lecherous mob. According to Genesis 19:14 both of his "virgin" daughters were married.)
And that he later allowed himself to get drunk and impregnate them.
And Lot went up out of Zoar, and dwelt in the mountain, and his two daughters with him. ... And the firstborn said unto the younger, Our father is old, and there is not a man in the earth to come in unto us after the manner of all the earth: Come, let us make our father drink wine, and we will lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father. And they made their father drink wine that night: and the firstborn went in, and lay with her father; and he perceived not when she lay down, nor when she arose. And it came to pass on the morrow, that the firstborn said unto the younger, Behold, I lay yesternight with my father: let us make him drink wine this night also; and go thou in, and lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father. And they made their father drink wine that night also: and the younger arose, and lay with him; and he perceived not when she lay down, nor when she arose. Thus were both the daughters of Lot with child by their father. Genesis 19:30-36
But that should be enough to show us what God considers "just and righteous." Sodom and Gomorrah

 The Seduction of Lot
 

Posted by Steve Wells at 8/01/2006 09:48:00 AM 4 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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 28 September 2006Using the Bible to clarify the Geneva Conventions
President Bush has a problem with the Geneva Conventions. He says Common Article 3 is "just very, very vague" and "open to interpretation" when it says that prisoners must "be treated humanely" without being subjected to "outrages upon personal dignity."
And that's where the Bible comes in. Since the Bible is God's law, it is above any and all human laws, including the Geneva Conventions. So the Bible can be used to clarify the Geneva Conventions. And that's what the legislation passed by the Senate today did: it clarified Common Article 3 using the Bible's guide to torture.
Posted by Steve Wells at 9/28/2006 08:58:00 PM 2 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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27 September 2006The Bible's guide to torture
Sometimes you have to beat people for their own good.
The blueness of a wound cleanseth away evil: so do stripes the inward parts of the belly. Proverbs 20:30
Some people should be beaten as a punishment for their crimes.
And it shall be, if the wicked man be worthy to be beaten, that the judge shall cause him to lie down, and to be beaten. Deuteronomy 25:2
It's always a good idea to beat fools. Beat them whenever you find them.
A fool's lips enter into contention, and his mouth calleth for strokes. Proverbs 18:6
Judgments are prepared for scorners, and stripes for the back of fools. Proverbs 19:29
A whip for the horse, a bridle for the ass, and a rod for the fool's back. Proverbs 26:3
And slaves may be beaten, as long they survive for at least a day or two after the beating.
If a man beats his male or female slave with a rod and the slave dies as a direct result, he must be punished, but he is not to be punished if the slave gets up after a day or two, since the slave is his property. Exodus 21:20-21
Beating your children is a sure sign of parental love.
He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes. Proverbs 13:24
And don't stop just because they cry.
Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying. Proverbs 19:18
It will make them less foolish.
Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him. Proverbs 22:15
The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame. Proverbs 29:15
So beat them hard and often. Don't worry about hurting them. You may break a few bones and cause some brain damage, but it isn't going to kill them. And even if it does, they'll be better off. They'll thank you in heaven for beating the hell out of them.
Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die.Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell. Proverbs 23:13-14
The Old Testament God used a rod to beat those who disobey his commandments.
If they break my statutes, and keep not my commandments; Then will I visit their transgression with the rod, and their iniquity with stripes.Psalm 89:31-2
And he tortured the Philistines by giving them "hemorrhoids in their secret parts."
The hand of the LORD was against the city with a very great destruction: and he smote the men of the city, both small and great, and they had emerods in their secret parts. 1 Samuel 5:9
At times, Jesus seemed to look favorably on torture.
In his parables, for example, Jesus often spoke of torturing his enemies.
And his lord was wroth, and delivered him to the tormentors. Matthew 18:34
And he saith unto him, Friend, how camest thou in hither not having a wedding garment? And he was speechless. Then said the king to the servants, Bind him hand and foot, and take him away, and cast him into outer darkness, there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth. Matthew 22:12-13
The lord of that servant shall come in a day when he looketh not for him, and in an hour that he is not aware of, And shall cut him asunder, and appoint him his portion with the hypocrites: there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth. Matthew 24:50-51
The lord of that servant will come in a day when he looketh not for him, and at an hour when he is not aware, and will cut him in sunder, and will appoint him his portion with the unbelievers. And that servant, which knew his lord's will, and prepared not himself, neither did according to his will, shall be beaten with many stripes. Luke 12:46-48
The devils expected Jesus to torture them. (And Jesus didn't deny that he planned to do so.)
And, behold, they cried out, saying, What have we to do with thee, Jesus, thou Son of God? art thou come hither to torment us before the time? Matthew 8:29
Jesus, thou Son of the most high God? I adjure thee by God, that thou torment me not. Mark 5:7
What have I to do with thee, Jesus, thou Son of God most high? I beseech thee, torment me not. Luke 8:28
At the end of the world, God will torture people until they want to die. But he won't let them die so that he can continue to torture them.
And to them it was given that they should not kill them, but that they should be tormented five months: and their torment was as the torment of a scorpion, when he striketh a man. And in those days shall men seek death, and shall not find it; and shall desire to die, and death shall flee from them. Revelation 9:5-6
But the ultimate torture is hell. If hell is justified, anything is permissible.
The Son of man shall send forth his angels, and they shall gather out of his kingdom all things that offend, and them which do iniquity; And shall cast them into a furnace of fire: there shall be wailing and gnashing of teeth. Matthew 13:41-42
If thy hand or thy foot offend thee, cut them off, and cast them from thee: it is better for thee to enter into life halt or maimed, rather than having two hands or two feet to be cast into everlasting fire. Matthew 18:8-9
Then shall he say also unto them on the left hand, Depart from me, ye cursed, into everlasting fire, prepared for the devil and his angels. Matthew 25:41
...hell, into the fire that never shall be quenched Where their worm dieth not, and the fire is not quenched. Mark 9:43-48
And it came to pass, that the beggar died, and was carried by the angels into Abraham's bosom: the rich man also died, and was buried; And in hell he lift up his eyes, being in torments, and seeth Abraham afar off, and Lazarus in his bosom. And he cried and said, Father Abraham, have mercy on me, and send Lazarus, that he may dip the tip of his finger in water, and cool my tongue; for I am tormented in this flame. Luke 16:22-24
The same shall drink of the wine of the wrath of God, which is poured out without mixture into the cup of his indignation; and he shall be tormented with fire and brimstone in the presence of the holy angels, and in the presence of the Lamb. And the smoke of their torment ascendeth up for ever and ever. Revelation 14:10-11
Posted by Steve Wells at 9/27/2006 01:28:00 PM 15 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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24 September 2006How to stone somebody (according to the Bible)
The Bible doesn't say much about how we're supposed to stone people. What size rocks to use, who can participate, etc.
It does say that you need two or three witnesses (with or without sin) and that the witnesses themselves must throw the first stones.
At the mouth of two witnesses, or three witnesses, shall he that is worthy of death be put to death ... The hands of the witnesses shall be first upon him to put him to death. Deuteronomy 17:6
And if you're stoning your wife, family member, or friend for believing in the wrong god, then you must throw the first stone (and you may not pity her).
If thy brother, the son of thy mother, or thy son, or thy daughter, or the wife of thy bosom, or thy friend, which is as thine own soul, entice thee secretly, saying, Let us go and serve other gods ... Thou shalt not consent unto him, nor hearken unto him; neither shall thine eye pity him, neither shalt thou spare, neither shalt thou conceal him: But thou shalt surely kill him; thine hand shall be first upon him to put him to death. Deuteronomy 13:6-9
But who can participate in the stoning? Is stoning just for men, or can women and children throw some stones too?
Well, as usual, the Bible isn't much use here. Sometimes it says just the men (Deuteronomy 13:9, 22:21) should do the stoning, and sometimes all the people get to do it (Leviticus 24:23, Numbers 15:32, 17:7, 21:21, Joshua 7:25).
But luckily Monty Python clears the whole thing up in the Life of Brian.
Monty Python - The Life Of Brian (The Stoning)
Posted by Steve Wells at 9/24/2006 12:52:00 PM 1 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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22 September 2006Death by Stoning: the Bible vs the Quran
In my last post I listed 13 biblical passages that prescribe stoning as a punishment for various crimes. (The Catholic Encyclopedia says there are 18. Did I miss some? If so let me know so I can add another verse to the Everybody must get stoned song.) Here's a summary. 1. For touching Mount Sinai  Exodus 19:13 
2. For taking "accursed things"  Joshua 7:1-26 
3. For cursing or blaspheming  Leviticus 24:16 
4. For adultery (including urban rape victims who fail to scream loud enough)  Deuteronomy 22:23-24 
5. For animals (like an ox that gores a human)  Exodus 21:28 
6. For a woman who is not a virgin on her wedding night  Deuteronomy 22:13-21 
7. For worshipping other gods  Deuteronomy 17:2-5 
8. For preaching the wrong religion  Deuteronomy 13:5-10 
9. For disobeying parents  Deuteronomy 21:18-21 
10. For witches and wizards  Leviticus 20:27 
11. For giving your children to Molech  Leviticus 20:2 
12. For breaking the Sabbath  Numbers 15:32-56 
13. For cursing the king  1 Kings 21:10 
I thought it would be interesting to see how many times, and for what offenses, the Quran prescribed death by stoning.
The answer is zero. The Quran does not mention stoning as a punishment for any crime.
So what gives, then? Why is stoning a fairly common punishment in Islamic countries, but rare or nonexistent in Christian or Jewish ones?
Posted by Steve Wells at 9/22/2006 01:54:00 PM 15 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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21 September 2006Biblical Justice: Everybody must get stoned
(To the tune of Bob Dylan's "Rainy Day Woman #12 & 35")
Well, they'll stone you if you touch the holy things.
Whosoever toucheth the mount shall be surely put to death. Exodus 19:13
They'll stone you if you take accursed things.
Achan ... took of the accursed thing. ... And all Israel stoned him with stones, and burned them with fire, after they had stoned them with stones. ... So the LORD turned from the fierceness of his anger. Joshua 7:1-26
They'll stone you if you if you curse or blaspheme.
And he that blasphemeth the name of the LORD, he shall surely be put to death, and all the congregation shall certainly stone him. Leviticus 24:16
They'll stone you if you're raped and do not scream.
If a damsel that is a virgin be betrothed unto an husband, and a man find her in the city, and lie with her; Then ye shall bring them both out unto the gate of that city, and ye shall stone them with stones that they die; the damsel, because she cried not, being in the city. Deuteronomy 22:23-24
But I would not feel so all alone. Everybody must get stoned.

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Well, they'll stone you if you're an ox and gore a human.
If an ox gore a man or a woman, that they die: then the ox shall be surely stoned. Exodus 21:28
They'll stone you if you marry when not a virgin.
If any man take a wife, and go in unto her, and hate her ... and say, I took this woman, and when I came to her, I found her not a maid: Then shall the father of the damsel, and her mother, take and bring forth the tokens of the damsel's virginity unto the elders of the city in the gate: And the damsel's father shall say ... these are the tokens of my daughter's virginity. And they shall spread the cloth before the elders of the city. ... But if this thing be true, and the tokens of virginity be not found for the damsel: Then they shall bring out the damsel to the door of her father's house, and the men of her city shall stone her with stones that she die. Deuteronomy 22:13-21
They'll stone you if you worship other gods.
If there be found among you ... that ... hath gone and served other gods, and worshipped them ... Then shalt thou ... tone them with stones, till they die. Deuteronomy 17:2-5
If thy brother, the son of thy mother, or thy son, or thy daughter, or the wife of thy bosom, or thy friend, which is as thine own soul, entice thee secretly, saying, Let us go and serve other gods, which thou hast not known, thou, nor thy fathers ... thou shalt stone him with stones, that he die. Deuteronomy 13:5-10
They'll stone you if you disobey your Pa.
If a man have a stubborn and rebellious son, which will not obey the voice of his father, or the voice of his mother ... Then shall his father and his mother lay hold on him, and bring him out unto the elders of his city ... And they shall say unto the elders of his city, This our son is stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton, and a drunkard. And all the men of his city shall stone him with stones, that he die. Deuteronomy 21:18-21
But I would not feel so all alone. Everybody must get stoned.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
They'll stone you if you if you're a wizard or a witch.
A man also or woman that hath a familiar spirit, or that is a wizard, shall surely be put to death: they shall stone them with stones: their blood shall be upon them. Leviticus 20:27
They'll stone you if you give Molech your kids.
Whosoever ... giveth any of his seed unto Molech; he shall surely be put to death: the people of the land shall stone him with stones. Leviticus 20:2
They'll stone you if you if you're a sabbath breaker.
They found a man that gathered sticks upon the sabbath day. ... And the LORD said unto Moses, The man shall be surely put to death: all the congregation shall stone him with stones.... And all the congregation brought him without the camp, and stoned him with stones, and he died; as the LORD commanded Moses. Numbers 15:32-56
They'll stone you if you curse the dictator.
Thou didst blaspheme God and the king. And then carry him out, and stone him, that he may die. 1 Kings 21:10
But I would not feel so all alone. Everybody must get stoned.
Posted by Steve Wells at 9/21/2006 11:38:00 AM 22 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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20 September 2006Pope vs. Islam cartoons (and a modest proposal)
Here are some of my favorites. (More here)

"Violence is incompatible with the nature of God"? Then why doesn't the Pope remove all the cruel and violent passages in the Bible? Catholics have (thankfully) ignored them (along with most of the Bible) anyway. Why not use the Pope's infallibility to get rid of the bad stuff in the Bible for good?

A good place to start would be to remove 2 Chronicles 15:13. Such a verse "is incompatible with the nature of God" and therefore could not have been inspired by him (her, etc.)

Christians, Jews, and Muslims should either accept the fact that their religions are based upon violent texts or clean up those texts so they are no longer violent.
Posted by Steve Wells at 9/20/2006 09:18:00 AM 4 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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18 September 2006Holy War and the Holy Father: the Bible vs the Quran
Believers ... shall slay and be slain. It is a promise ... in the Torah and the Gospel and the Qur'an. -- Quran 9:111
Pope Benedict should have known better. When it comes to holy war and other "evil and inhuman" things, the Bible and the Quran are pretty evenly matched.
Here are some evil and inhuman holy war instructions from the Quran.
Slay them wherever ye find them, and drive them out of the places whence they drove you out ... if they attack you (there) then slay them. Such is the reward of disbelievers. 2:191
Warfare is ordained for you, though it is hateful unto you. 2:216
Fight in the way of Allah who sell the life of this world for the other. Whoso fighteth in the way of Allah, be he slain or be he victorious, on him We shall bestow a vast reward. 4:74
Those who believe do battle for the cause of Allah; and those who disbelieve do battle for the cause of idols. So fight the minions of the devil. 4:76
They long that ye should disbelieve even as they disbelieve, that ye may be upon a level (with them). So choose not friends from them till they forsake their homes in the way of Allah; if they turn back (to enmity) then take them and kill them wherever ye find them, and choose no friend nor helper from among them. 4:89
If they keep not aloof from you nor offer you peace nor hold their hands, then take them and kill them wherever ye find them. Against such We have given you clear warrant. 4:91
The only reward of those who make war upon Allah and His messenger and strive after corruption in the land will be that they will be killed or crucified, or have their hands and feet on alternate sides cut off, or will be expelled out of the land. Such will be their degradation in the world, and in the Hereafter theirs will be an awful doom. 5:33
I will throw fear into the hearts of those who disbelieve. Then smite the necks and smite of them each finger. 8:12
When ye meet those who disbelieve in battle, turn not your backs to them. Whoso on that day turneth his back to them, unless manoeuvring for battle or intent to join a company, he truly hath incurred wrath from Allah, and his habitation will be hell, a hapless journey's end. Ye (Muslims) slew them not, but Allah slew them. And thou (Muhammad) threwest not when thou didst throw, but Allah threw. 8:15-17
And let not those who disbelieve suppose that they can outstrip (Allah's Purpose). Lo! they cannot escape. Make ready for them all thou canst of (armed) force and of horses tethered, that thereby ye may dismay the enemy of Allah and your enemy, and others beside them whom ye know not. Allah knoweth them. 8:59-60
Exhort the believers to fight. If there be of you twenty steadfast they shall overcome two hundred, and if there be of you a hundred (steadfast) they shall overcome a thousand of those who disbelieve, because they (the disbelievers) are a folk without intelligence. 8:65
It is not for any prophet to have captives until he hath made slaughter in the land. 8:67
Slay the idolaters wherever ye find them, and take them (captive), and besiege them, and prepare for them each ambush. 9:5
If they ... assail your religion, then fight the heads of disbelief ... Will ye not fight a folk who broke their solemn pledges, and purposed to drive out the messenger and did attack you first? What! Fear ye them? Now Allah hath more right that ye should fear Him, if ye are believers Fight them! Allah will chastise them at your hands, and He will lay them low and give you victory over them. 9:12-14
O Prophet! Strive against the disbelievers and the hypocrites! Be harsh with them. Their ultimate abode is hell, a hapless journey's end. 9:73
Believers ... shall fight in the way of Allah and shall slay and be slain. It is a promise which is binding on Him in the Torah and the Gospel and the Qur'an. 9:111
O ye who believe! Fight those of the disbelievers who are near to you, and let them find harshness in you. 9:123
Now when ye meet in battle those who disbelieve, then it is smiting of the necks. 47:4
And here are some from the Bible.
The Lord is a man of war. Exodus 15:3
The LORD hath sworn that the LORD will have war with Amalek from generation to generation. Exodus 17:16, Deuteronomy 25:19
And the LORD said unto Moses, Fear him not: for I have delivered him into thy hand, and all his people ... So they smote him, and his sons, and all his people, until there was none left him alive: and they possessed his land. Numbers 21:34-35
And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying, Avenge the children of Israel of the Midianites ... And they warred against the Midianites, as the LORD commanded Moses; and they slew all the males. And the children of Israel took all the women of Midian captives, and their little ones ... And they burnt all their cities....
And Moses was wroth with the officers ... And Moses said unto them, Have ye saved all the women alive? ... Now therefore kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman that hath known man by lying with him. But all the women children, that have not known a man by lying with him, keep alive for yourselves. Numbers 31:1-18

And the LORD our God delivered him before us; and we smote him, and his sons, and all his people. And we took all his cities at that time, and utterly destroyed the men, and the women, and the little ones, of every city, we left none to remain: Deuteronomy 2:33-34
And when the LORD thy God shall deliver them before thee; thou shalt smite them, and utterly destroy them; thou shalt make no covenant with them, nor shew mercy unto them. Deuteronomy 7:2, 7:16
If thou shalt hear say ... Certain men ... saying, Let us go and serve other gods, which ye have not known ... Thou shalt surely smite the inhabitants of that city with the edge of the sword, destroying it utterly, and all that is therein, and the cattle thereof, with the edge of the sword. Deuteronomy 13:12-15
When thou comest nigh unto a city to fight against it ... And when the LORD thy God hath delivered it into thine hands, thou shalt smite every male thereof with the edge of the sword: But the women ... shalt thou take unto thyself; and thou shalt eat the spoil of thine enemies, which the LORD thy God hath given thee. ... But of the cities of these people, which the LORD thy God doth give thee for an inheritance, thou shalt save alive nothing that breatheth: But thou shalt utterly destroy them ... as the LORD thy God hath commanded thee. Deuteronomy 20:10-17
And they utterly destroyed all that was in the city, both man and woman, young and old, and ox, and sheep, and ass, with the edge of the sword. Joshua 6:21
So Joshua smote all the country of the hills, and of the south, and of the vale, and of the springs, and all their kings: he left none remaining, but utterly destroyed all that breathed, as the LORD God of Israel commanded. Joshua 10:40
For it was of the LORD to harden their hearts, that they should come against Israel in battle, that he might destroy them utterly, and that they might have no favour, but that he might destroy them, as the LORD commanded Moses. Joshua 11:20
Thus saith the LORD of hosts, I remember that which Amalek did to Israel, how he laid wait for him in the way, when he came up from Egypt. Now go and smite Amalek, and utterly destroy all that they have, and spare them not; but slay both man and woman, infant and suckling, ox and sheep, camel and ass. 1 Samuel 15:2-3
Ask of me, and I shall give thee the heathen for thine inheritance, and the uttermost parts of the earth for thy possession. Thou shalt break them with a rod of iron; thou shalt dash them in pieces like a potter's vessel. Psalm 2:8-9
He teacheth my hands to war. Psalm 18:34
That thy foot may be dipped in the blood of thine enemies, and the tongue of thy dogs in the same. Psalm 68:23
Blessed be the LORD my strength which teacheth my hands to war, and my fingers to fight: Psalm 144:1
Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword. Matthew 10:34
He that hath no sword, let him sell his garment, and buy one. Luke 22:36
So which holy book wins the Pope's holy war contest? I guess it depends on who is keeping score.
Posted by Steve Wells at 9/18/2006 03:54:00 PM 33 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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01 September 2006Satan vs God: past and future killings
In previous posts, I've tried to total the number of people killed by God and Satan in the Bible, as well as provide some estimates of their future plans in that regard. Here's a table that summarizes the results. (Follow the links in the table for the details.)  God Satan
Total number killed (not including un-numbered killings) 2,301,417 10
Total killings (estimated) 33 million 60
Planned future killings 3,300,000,000 0
Posted by Steve Wells at 9/01/2006 06:14:00 AM 22 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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 26 October 2006Punishment for mishandling the Quran
In a previous post, I listed some rules for handling the Quran. But what is the punishment for mishandling it? Well, according to Ynet news, Allah turned a Muslim girl into a dog for for just such a crime.
TAIBEH – Harsh punishment? A Muslim girl from Taibeh was punished by Allah and turned into a dog, according to rumors that have been circulating in the Arab-Israeli town this week, Arab-language newspaper Panorama reported.
According to the rumors, the harsh punishment was meted out after the girl, upset by her mother’s request to bring her the Quran as she was watching television, threw the holy Muslim book at the mother with disdain.
And this wouldn't be the first time Allah enforced such a punishment. The Quran says that Allah turned some Jews into apes for breaking the Sabbath.
And ye know of those of you who broke the Sabbath, how We said unto them: Be ye apes, despised and hated! And We made it an example to their own and to succeeding generations, and an admonition to the God-fearing. -- Quran 2:65-66
So he'd probably be more than willing to turn you into a dog (or worse) for mistreating the Quran!
Posted by Steve Wells at 10/26/2006 09:26:00 AM 5 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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25 October 2006Rules for handling the Quran
This is indeed a noble Qur'an ... Which none toucheth save the purified. -- Quran 56:77-79
From this passage, Muslims have developed a set of rules about how to handle the Quran. Here are some of them.
Make formal acts of cleaning yourself (ablutions) before touching the Quran.
Don't touch the Quran when you are unclean (like after touching a dog, going to the bathroom, having sex, or while menstruating).
Don't touch the Quran (in Arabic) unless you are already a Muslim. (It's okay for non-believers to listen to tapes or touch a translation.)
If you do have to touch it for some reason (and you're unclean or a non-Muslim), then wear gloves or use a cloth to keep your filthy fingers off the sacred text.
Never let the Quran touch the floor.
Don't take it into a bathroom.
Don't place anything else on top of it.
These rules are based on the idea that the Quran is the literal word of God, revealed to the angel Gabriel and delivered to the prophet Muhammad — none of which, of course, is true.
Posted by Steve Wells at 10/25/2006 10:16:00 AM 11 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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19 October 2006The Spirit of the Lord came upon him
According to the Bible, what happens when the Spirit of the Lord comes upon somebody?
Well, the short answer is this: a Spirit-possessed person usually kills things.
The phrase ("the Spirit of the Lord came upon him") occurs only 8 times (in 7 verses) in the Bible. Let's see what happens in each case.
Othniel
The Spirit of the Lord came upon Othniel and he went to war. (The same thing happened to Bush.)
And the Spirit of the LORD came upon him, and he judged Israel, and went out to war. Judges 3:10
Gideon
When the Spirit of the Lord came upon Gideon, he blew a trumpet. That sounds innocent enough (even if a little crazy). But Gideon (with God's Spirit) used the trumpet to summon soldiers to war. (Bush is looking for a magic trumpet.)
But the Spirit of the LORD came upon Gideon, and he blew a trumpet. Judges 6:34
Jephthah
When the spirit of the Lord came upon Jephthah, he killed his daughter as a burnt offering to pay God back for providing him with "a very great slaughter." (I hope Bush doesn't do this with Jenna or Barbara.)
Then the Spirit of the LORD came upon Jephthah ... And Jephthah vowed a vow unto the LORD, and said, If thou shalt without fail deliver the children of Ammon into mine hands, Then it shall be, that whatsoever cometh forth of the doors of my house to meet me, when I return in peace from the children of Ammon, shall surely be the LORD's, and I will offer it up for a burnt offering. ... and the LORD delivered them into his hands. And he smote them ... And Jephthah came to Mizpeh unto his house, and, behold, his daughter came out to meet him with timbrels and with dances ... And she said unto him, My father, if thou hast opened thy mouth unto the LORD, do to me according to that which hath proceeded out of thy mouth. And ... her father ... did with her according to his vow which he had vowed. Judges 11:29-39
Samson
Samson had God's Spirit on him three times. Each time he kills something: first a lion, then 30 men, and finally 1000 men.
Behold, a young lion roared against him. And the Spirit of the LORD came mightily upon him, and he rent him as he would have rent a kid. Judges 14:5-6
And the Spirit of the LORD came upon him ... and slew thirty men. Judges 14:19
And the Spirit of the LORD came mightily upon him ... And he found a new jawbone of an ass ... and slew a thousand men therewith. Judges 15:14-15
Saul and David
The Spirit of God was on Saul until he refused to kill all the Amalekites as commaded by God in 1 Samuel 15:2-3. For refusing to commit genocide, God took away his Spirit from Saul, sicked "an evil spirit from the Lord" on him, and transfered his Spirit over to David, where it remained forever. (In a previous post I described some of the things a person can do when the Spirit of God comes on him.)
The Spirit of the LORD came upon David from that day forward. But the Spirit of the LORD departed from Saul, and an evil spirit from the LORD troubled him. 1 Samuel 16:13-14
Posted by Steve Wells at 10/19/2006 01:30:00 PM 7 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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16 October 2006And for the disbelievers, Allah has prepared a painful doom
For those of you who've never read the Quran, let me summarize it for you: And for the disbelievers, Allah has prepared a painful doom.
This idea is so important that Allah (or his prophet) repeats more than 200 times in the Quran. Here are just a few variants.
For disbelievers is a painful doom. 2:104
Those who disbelieve the revelations of Allah ... promise them a painful doom. 3:21
Give tidings (O Muhammad) of a painful doom to those who disbelieve. 9:3
Those who vex the messenger of Allah, for them there is a painful doom. 9:61
Theirs will be a boiling drink and painful doom because they disbelieved. 10:4
And that's just a sample of the 60 verses in the Quran that describe the "painful doom" that unbelevers will endure. There are also 25 "awful doom" verses, 10 "shameful dooms", 4 "dreadful dooms", 4 "dooms of fire", and another 40 or so differently named dooms. Plus 65 verses that mention just a plain old "doom" -- and a couple hundred or so that describe Hell, the Fire, etc.
But my favorite doom verse is this one (If you don't believe in hell, guess where you'll be going):
Those who believe not in the Hereafter, for them We have prepared a painful doom. 17:10
Posted by Steve Wells at 10/16/2006 01:58:00 PM 5 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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The Heroes of Faith
Tor the time would fail me to tell of Gideon, and of Barak, and of Samson, and of Jephthah; of David also, and Samuel. -- Hebrews 11:32
The author of Hebrews provides a list of heroes of faith, which includes Gideon, Samson, Jephthah, David, and Samuel. These are those that all good Christians should emulate.
To help them with that, I thought I'd provide a list of their heroic actions, so they can go and do likewise.
Gideon
Gave God some really weird tests. Judges 6:36-40
Selected for his army the men who lapped water like a dog. (This test was proposed by God.) Judges 7:4-7
Tortured prisoners of war and civilians with thorns and briers. Judges 8:7, 16-17
Ordered his young son to kill prisoners of war, and then did it himself when his son refused. Judges 8:20-22
Made an ephod that "all of Israel ... went whoring after." Judges 8:27
Had many wives and concubines.Judges 8:30
Jephthah
Sacrificed his daughter to God as a burnt offering. Judges 11:30-39
Samson
Killed things whenever "the Spirit of the Lord" came upon him. Judges 14:5-6, 19, 15:14-15
Caught 300 foxes, tied their tails together, and set them on fire. Judges 15:4-5
Saw a harlot and "went in unto her." Judges 16:1
Collapsed a building and killed 3000 people. Judges 16:27-30
David
Bought his first wife with 200 Philistine foreskins. 1 Samuel 18:25-27
Killed all Amalekite men and women. 1 Samuel 27:8-11
Had many wives and concubines. 2 Samuel 3:2-5, 5:13, 1 Chronicles 14:3
Commanded his young men to kill Saul's sons, cut off their hands and feet, and hang their bodies up over a pool in Hebron. 2 Samuel 4:6-12
Danced naked, or nearly naked, in front of God and everyone. 2 Samuel 6:14, 20-23
Committed adultery with Bathsheba and then had her husband killed in battle. (To punish David for this, God killed the Bathsheba's baby boy.) 2 Samuel 11:2-27, 12:13-18
Tortured the Ammonites with fire, saws, and axes. 2 Samuel 12:31, 1 Chronicles 20:3
Samuel
Told Saul that God commanded him to kill all of the Amalekites: men, women, infants, sucklings, ox, sheep, camels, and asses. 1 Samuel 15:2-3
Told Saul that he was rejected by God as King of Israel for failing to commit genocide. 1 Samuel 15:22-23
To please God, Samuel hacks Agag in pieces "before the Lord." 1 Samuel 15:32-33
Posted by Steve Wells at 10/16/2006 09:10:00 AM 0 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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14 October 2006Richard Dawkins' Bible Study
Richard Dawkins's new book The God Delusion is simply fantastic. It gets my vote for the best book of the year.
Since the book has received many reviews (See, for example, A Devil's Catechism by PZ Myers), I'll not discuss it here.
But something caught my eye on page 341-3. Dawkins presents a long list of phrases from the Bible that have become a part of our literary culture, and that therefore should be familiar to us all. So I thought, what the heck, I'd list the phrases and provide links to the verses in the Bible in which they occur.
1 Be fruitful and multiply Genesis 1:28, 9:1, 9:7
2 East of Eden Genesis 4:16
3 Adam's rib Genesis 2:22
4 Am I my brother's keeper Genesis 4:9
5 The mark of Cain Genesis 4:16
6 As old as Methuselah Genesis 5:27
7 A mess of potage Genesis 25:34
8 Sold his birthright Genesis 25:34
9 Jacob's ladder Genesis 28:12
10 Coat of many colors Genesis 37:3
11 Amid the alien corn (The phrase occurs in John Keats's "Ode to a Nightingale", but is not found in the KJV. Thanks Matthew for the correction.) 
12 Eyeless in Gaza Judges 16:21
13 The fat of the land Genesis 45:18
14 The fatted calf Luke 15:23, 27, 30
15 Stranger in a strange land Exodus 2:22
16 Burning bush Exodus 3:2
17 A land flowing with milk and honey Exodus 3:8, 17, 13:5, 33:3; Jeremiah 11:5, 32:22; Ezekiel 20:6
18 Let my people go Exodus 5:1, 7:16, 8:1, 20, 21, 9:1, 13, 10:3, 4
19 Flesh pots Exodus 16:3
20 An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth Exodus 21:24, Leviticus 24:20, Deuteronomy 19:21, Matthew 5:38
21 Be sure your sin will find you out Numbers 32:23
22 The apple of his eye Deuteronomy 32:10, Zechariah 2:8
23 The stars in their courses Judges 5:20
24 Butter in a lordly dish Judges 5:25
25 The host of Midian Judges 7:8, 13, 15
26 Shibboleth Judges 12:6
27 Out of the strong came forth sweetness Judges 14:14
28 He smote them hip and thigh Judges 15:8
29 Philistine 1 Samuel 17:8-57, 18:6, 19:5, 21:9, 22:10, 2 Samuel 21:17 
30 A man after his own heart 1 Samuel 13:14
31 Like David and Jonathan 1 Samuel 18:1
32 Passing the love of women 2 Samuel 1:26
33 How are the mighty fallen 2 Samuel 1:19, 25, 27
34 Ewe lamb Leviticus 14:10, Numbers 6:14, 2 Samuel 12:3
35 Man of Belial 1 Samuel 24:25, 2 Samuel 16:7, 20:1
36 Jezebel 1 Kings 16:31, 18:4,13, 19:1-2, 25:1-25, 2 Kings 9:7-37, Revelation 2:20
37 Queen of Sheba 1 Kings 10:4, 10, 13, 2 Chronicles 9:1,3,9,12
38 Wisdom of Solomon 1 Kings 4:34, 2 Chronicles 9:3, Matthew 12:42, Luke 11:31
39 The half was not told me 1 Kings 10:7
40 Girded up his loins 1 Kings 18:46
41 Drew a bow at a venture 1 Kings 22:34, 2 Chronicles 18:33
42 Job's comforters Job 16:2
43 The patience of Job James 5:11
44 I am escaped with the skin of my teeth Job 19:20
45 The price of wisdom is above rubies Job 28:18
46 Leviathan Job 41:1, Psalm 74:14, 104:26, Isaiah 27:1
47 Go to the ant thou sluggard; consider her ways, and be wise Proverbs 6:6
48 Spare the rod and spoil the child Proverbs 13:24
49 A word in season Isaiah 50:4
50 Vanity of vanities Ecclesiastes 1:2, 12:8
51 To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose Ecclesiastes 3:1
52 The race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong Ecclesiastes 9:11
53 Of making many books there is no end Ecclesiastes 12:12
54 I am the Rose of Sharon Song of Songs 2:1
55 A garden inclosed Song of Songs 4:12
56 The little foxes Song of Songs 2:15
57 Many waters cannot quench love Song of Songs 8:7
58 Beat their swords into plowshares Isaiah 2:4, Micah 4:3
59 Grind the faces on the poor Isaiah 3:15
60 The wolf also shall dwell with the lamb, and the leopard shall lie down with the kid Isaiah 11:6
61 Let us eat and drink; for tomorrow we die Isaiah 22:13, 1 Corinthians 15:32
62 Set thine house in order 2 Kings 20:1, Isaiah 38:1
63 A voice crying in the wilderness Matthew 3:3, Mark 1:3, Luke 3:4, John 1:23
64 No peace for the wicked Isaiah 48:22, Isaiah 57:21
65 See eye to eye Isaiah 52:8
66 Cut off out of the land of the living Isaiah 53:8
67 Balm in Gilead Jeremiah 8:2
68 Can the leopard change his spots? Jeremiah 13:12
69 The parting of the ways Ezekiel 21:21
70 A Daniel in the lions' den Daniel 6:16
71 They have sown the wind, and they shall reap the whirlwind Hosea 8:7
72 Sodom and Gomorrah Genesis 13:10, 14:10-11, 18:20, 19:28, Isaiah 13:19, Jeremiah 49:18, Amos 4:11, Matthew 10:15, Mark 6:11, 2 Peter 2:6, Jude 7
73 Man shall not live by bread alone Matthew 4:4, Luke 4:4
74 Get thee behind me Satan Matthew 16:23, Mark 8:33, Luke 4:8
75 The salt of the earth Matthew 5:13
76 Hide your light under a bushel Matthew 5:15, Mark 4:21, Luke 11:33
77 Turn the other cheek Matthew 5:39
78 Go the extra mile Matthew 5:41
79 Moth and rust doth corrupt Matthew 6:19
80 Cast your pearls before swine Matthew 7:6
81 Wolf in sheep's clothing Matthew 7:15
82 Weeping and gnashing of teeth Matthew 8:12, 22:13, 24:51, 25:30, Luke 13:28
83 Gadarene swine Mark 5:1-13, Luke 8:26-33
84 New wine in old bottles Mark 9:17, Luke 5:37
85 Shake off the dust of your feet Matthew 10:14, Mark 6:11, Luke 9:5
86 He that is not with me is against me Matthew 12:30, Luke 11:23
87 Fell upon stony ground Mark 4:5, 16
88 A prophet is not without honour, save in his own country Matthew 13:57, Mark 6:4
89 The crumbs from the table Matthew 15:27, Mark 7:28, Luke 16:21
90 Signs of the times Matthew 16:3
91 Den of thieves Matthew 21:13, Mark 11:17, Luke 19:46
92 Pharisee Matthew 23:6, Luke 7:39, 11:37-38, 18:10-11, Acts 5:34, 23:6, 26:5, Philippians 3:5
93 Whited sepulchre Matthew 23:37
94 Wars and rumours of wars Mathew 24:6, Mark 13:7
95 Good and faithful servant Matthew 25:21,23
96 Separate the sheep from the goats Matthew 25:32
97 I wash my hands of it Matthew 27:24
98 the sabbath was made for man, and not man for the sabbath Mark 2:27
99 Suffer the little children Matthew 19:14, Mark 10:14, Luke 18:16
100 The widow's mite Mark 12:42, Luke 21:2
101 Physician heal thyself Luke 4:23
102 Good Samaritan Luke 10:30-37
103 Passed by on the other side Luke 10:31-32
104 Grapes of wrath Revelation 14:18-19
105 Lost sheep Psalm 119:176, Jeremiah 50:6, Matthew 10:6, 15:24
106 Prodigal son Luke 15:11-32
107 A great gulf fixed Luke 16:26
108 Whose shoe latchet I am not worthy to unloose Mark 1:7, Luke 3:16, John 1:27
109 Cast the first stone John 8:7
110 Jesus wept John 11:35
111 Greater love hath no man than this John 15:13
112 Doubting Thomas John 20:25
113 Road to Damascus Acts 9:3-8
114 Through a glass darkly 1 Corinthians 13:12
115 Death where is thy sting? 1 Corinthians 15:55
116 A thorn in the flesh 2 Corinthians 12:7
117 Fallen from grace Galatians 5:4
118 Filthy lucre 1 Timothy 3:3,8, Titus 1:7, 1 Peter 5:2
119 The root of all evil 1 Timothy 6:10
120 Fight the good fight 1 Timothy 6:12
121 All flesh is as grass Isaiah 40:6, 1 Peter 1:24
122 The weaker vessel 1 Peter 3:7
123 I am the Alpha and the Omega Revelation 1:8,11, 21:6, 22:13
124 Armageddon Revelation 16:16
125 De profundis (Out of the depths) Psalm 130:1
126 Quo vadis (Whither goest thou) John 16:5
127 Rain on the just and the unjust Matthew 5:45

Posted by Steve Wells at 10/14/2006 08:10:00 PM 7 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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10 October 2006David Snoke's "A Biblical Case for an Old Earth"
David Snoke is a physics professor at the University of Pittsburgh and an elder in the Presbyterian Church in America. His latest book is A Biblical Case for an Old Earth.
Facing the facts
First of all, I must say that I like the way Dr. Snoke is thinking, when he says:
We must face the facts: if the Bible is wrong, utterly wrong, about the history of our origins, then we should dump it. (p.120)
Of course the Bible is wrong, utterly wrong, about the history of our origins (and just about everything else). But Dr. Snoke is reluctant to dump it. His challenge, then, is to try to find a way, any way, to interpret the Bible so that it does not conflict with science.
In many people's eyes, I have probably lost before I begin, because no matter what I argue from the Bible, they will say, "But you have come up with this just because you want the Bible to agree with science." I freely confess to this charge. (p.9)
Saying as little as possible
Snoke's little book is remarkable for how little it says about the history of life or the age of the earth. You'd think that a book about an old earth would say how old it is. But if the author has an opinion on the subject, he doesn't say so in his book. The closest he comes is this:
In this chapter [Chapter 2: The Scientific Case] I have argued that the world looks as though animals and plants have been living and dying for millions of years. (p.43)
From which, I guess, he (sort of) thinks that life on earth is at least several million years old. It seems that Dr. Snoke, like Ann Coulter, is not particularly interested in the details.
Here are just a few questions that he doesn't address:
How long has life existed on earth?
How old is the earth?
How old is the universe?
Is the fossil record reliable and what does it say?
How long have humans existed?
Were all of the species created in the beginning, or did God intervene periodically by creating a bunch of new species while causing others to go extinct?
Old Earth Creationism
Throughout the book, Dr. Snoke makes it clear that although he accepts an old earth, he rejects evolution.
Many people seem to assume that if the earth is as old as science indicates, and animals have lived and died during that time, then evolution must have occurred. Not so! (p.44)
An old-earth view is not synonymous with evolution. (p.193)
...evolution, which I reject... (p.164)
Lord of the Fleas
Dr. Snoke spends two chapters on the important scientific question of whether animals suffered and died before Adam and Eve sinned. Evangelical Christians are divided on this issue. I discussed his views in a previous post (For thy pleasure they were created), so I’ll skip over them here, except to say that he believes that God purposefully designed animals to prey on one another from the very beginning.
God … is not just the way we would like him to be. We may hate the wrath of God, but we cannot say it is illogical to believe in it. What is illogical is to believe in a God who would never harm a flea when we see lots of harmed fleas around us. (p.96)
Utterly wrong non-negotiables
Dr. Snoke admits that he "wants the Bible to agree with science." But he says there are three biblical "nonnegotiables" which science cannot contradict.
"Adam was one, real, historical man."
(Adam was specially created by God just like it says in Genesis. And all humans are descended from him.)
"Noah was one, real, historical man."
(Snoke thinks the flood was local, making biogeography a bit less embarrassing. But he insists "that the flood killed every other person on earth except those on the ark, so that every person today is descended from one of Noah's sons.")
"Life in al its diversity was created by sovereign, miraculous acts of God."
(Evolution did not occur.)
Dumping the Bible
"If the Bible is wrong, utterly wrong, about the history of our origins, then we should dump it.” His non-negotiables are utterly wrong about the history of our origins. I guess it’s time to dump the Bible.
Posted by Steve Wells at 10/10/2006 08:11:00 PM 15 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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05 October 2006The Book of Elvis
Well, this is big news. Elvis Presley had a copy of the Book of Mormon!
It had something to do with Donny and Marie, but for the details you'll just have to wait for the movie (The Tears of a King). Yep, they're going to make a whole damned movie on it, based on the King's copy of the worst book ever written.
Elvis' copy is now owned by the LDS church, and they say he had notes all over it. Like everywhere (there are 89 occurrences) that the word "king" is used, it is underlined.
I don't care what Penn&Teller say, you've got to be on drugs to do something like that.
Posted by Steve Wells at 10/05/2006 10:49:00 AM 1 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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04 October 2006A Gay Antichrist?
Remember when Jerry Falwell said that the Antichrist is a Jewish male that is alive today? Well, now we find out that the Antichrist is also gay! And it seems that the both ideas (that AC is Jewish and gay) are taken from the very same verse.
Neither shall he regard the God of his fathers, nor the desire of women, nor regard any god: for he shall magnify himself above all. Daniel 11:37
That's a lot of mileage out of one verse!
But there shouldn't be any doubt about the identity of the antichrist. The word "antichrist" occurs only four times in the Bible, but those four verses tell us all we need to know.
Little children, it is the last time: and as ye have heard that antichrist shall come, even now are there many antichrists; whereby we know that it is the last time. 1 John 2:18
Who is a liar but he that denieth that Jesus is the Christ? He is antichrist, that denieth the Father and the Son. 1 John 2:22
And every spirit that confesseth not that Jesus Christ is come in the flesh is not of God: and this is that spirit of antichrist, whereof ye have heard that it should come; and even now already is it in the world. 1 John 4:3
For many deceivers are entered into the world, who confess not that Jesus Christ is come in the flesh. This is a deceiver and an antichrist. 2 John 1:7
Whoever denies that Jesus is the Christ is an antichrist. That would include all Jews, gay or straight, along with about 4 billion others. It certainly includes me.
I am a proud member of the antichrist community.
Posted by Steve Wells at 10/04/2006 10:48:00 AM 11 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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Dwindling In Unbelief



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 30 November 2006New Brick Testament Stories
If you haven't seen the Brick Testament before, you should.
It's just the Bible, plain and simple, illustrated with Legos. One of the latest additions is also one of my favorites. Here's a link.
 God Commands Amalekite Genocide 

And be sure to see the follow-up story. Saul Rejected for Incomplete Genocide


These Bible stories are a great opportunity for Pope Benedict and the Vatican, who encourage all "faiths to say 'no' to violence in the name of God."
Why not begin by removing 1 Samuel 15 from the Bible? Since that chapter claims that God ordered the genocide of the Amalekites, it couldn't have been inspired by God, right? Get it the hell out of the Bible, I say.
Just say no to violence in the name of God (and thereby reject the violence in the Bible, Quran, and Book of Mormon).
Posted by Steve Wells at 11/30/2006 03:09:00 PM 3 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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28 November 2006Jesus will search your kidneys
I [Jesus] am he which searcheth the reins [kidneys] and hearts. Revelation 2:23
Yes, it's true. Jesus is going to search through your kidneys. And if he doesn't like what he finds there, he's going to send you to hell.
You see, according to the Bible, your conscience is in your kidneys (called "reins" in the King James Version). So by inspecting them, Jesus can tell if you've been naughty or nice.
Here are some other verses that give a God's eye view of kidneys.
Oh let the wickedness of the wicked come to an end; but establish the just: for the righteous God trieth the hearts and reins. Psalm 7:9
I will bless the LORD, who hath given me counsel: my reins also instruct me in the night seasons. Pslam 16:7
Examine me, O LORD, and prove me; try my reins and my heart. Psalm 26:2
Thus my heart was grieved, and I was pricked in my reins. Psalm 73:21
Yea, my reins shall rejoice, when thy lips speak right things. Proverbs 23:16
But, O LORD of hosts, that judgest righteously, that triest the reins and the heart. Jeremiah 11:20
I the LORD search the heart, I try the reins, even to give every man according to his ways, and according to the fruit of his doings. Jeremiah 17:10
But, O LORD of hosts, that triest the righteous, and seest the reins and the heart. Jeremiah 20:12
Posted by Steve Wells at 11/28/2006 09:46:00 AM 13 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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27 November 2006The seven spirits of God (including the Holy Spirit?)
I beheld ... a Lamb as it had been slain, having seven horns and seven eyes, which are the seven Spirits of God. Revelation 5:6
The book of Revelation is obsessed with the number seven. God's magic number is used 52 times in 30 verses, with 19 things grouped into sevens.
But the most interesting grouping is the number of God's spirits. Who knew that he had seven of them?
Here's the whole crazy list, with links to the verses so you can read them in context (like that would help or something). 1 churches of asia  1:4, 1:11, 1:20(2) 
2 spirits before God's throne  1:4 
3 golden candlesticks  1:12, 1:13, 1:20(2), 2:1 
4 stars in the Jesus' right hand  1:16, 1:20, 2:1, 3:1 
5 angels  8:2, 8:6, 15:1, 15:6, 15:7, 15:8, 16:1, 17:1, 21:9 
6 spirits of God  3:1, 4:5, 5:6 
7 lamps  4:5 
8 seals  5:1 
9 horns 5:6 
10 eyes  5:6 
11 trumpets  8:2, 8:6 
12 thunders  10:3, 10:4(2) 
13 thousand people killed in an earthquake  11:13 
14 heads  12:3, 13:1, 17:3, 17:7, 17:9 
15 crowns  12:3 
16 plagues  15:1, 15:6, 15:8, 21:9 
17 golden vials filled with the wrath of God  15:7, 16:1, 17:1, 21:9 
18 mountains  17:9 
19 kings  17:10 

Posted by Steve Wells at 11/27/2006 09:22:00 AM 2 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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26 November 2006Carlton Pearson: No Hell below us
Carlton Pearson is an Evangelical preacher from Tulsa, Oklahoma. He had a large church and a huge following until a few years ago when he publicly renounced his belief in Hell.
The story of his changing views on Hell is the topic of an excellent episode of This American Life. Here's what Bishop Pearson had to say about Hell.
The God we've been preaching is a monster. He's worse than Saddam; he's worse than Osama ben Laden; he's worse than Hitler. Because Hitler just burned 6 million Jews, but God is going to burn at least 6 billion people. And burn them forever. He has this customized torture chamber called Hell were he's going to torment and torture people, not for a few minutes, hours, days, or weeks, but forever.
Here are two of the verses that he uses to justify his belief (or lack of belief) in Hell. (I've added them to Does Hell exist? at the SAB.)
We trust in the living God, who is the Saviour of all men, specially of those that believe. 1 Timothy 4:10
He is the propitiation for our sins: and not for our's only, but also for the sins of the whole world. 1 John 2:2
Posted by Steve Wells at 11/26/2006 04:01:00 PM 0 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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25 November 2006Where the worms never die
Where are immortal worms mentioned in the Bible?
And they shall go forth, and look upon the carcases of the men that have transgressed against me: for their worm shall not die, neither shall their fire be quenched; and they shall be an abhorring unto all flesh. Isaiah 66:24
And if thy hand offend thee, cut it off: it is better for thee to enter into life maimed, than having two hands to go into hell, into the fire that never shall be quenched: Where their worm dieth not, and the fire is not quenched. Mark 9:43-44
And if thy foot offend thee, cut it off: it is better for thee to enter halt into life, than having two feet to be cast into hell, into the fire that never shall be quenched: Where their worm dieth not, and the fire is not quenched. Mark 9:45-46
And if thine eye offend thee, pluck it out: it is better for thee to enter into the kingdom of God with one eye, than having two eyes to be cast into hell fire: Where their worm dieth not, and the fire is not quenched. Mark 9:47-48
It's not clear (to me at least) what Jesus and Isaiah meant by these verses. Do worms live forever in hell? Is human hell worm heaven? Do nonbelievers suffer and die so that worms may live forever?
Posted by Steve Wells at 11/25/2006 04:24:00 PM 2 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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22 November 2006Do moderate Muslims believe in hell?
Christians are divided on hell. Some believe in it, some don't. And those that do aren't sure what it's like or who goes there. That's not surprising since the Bible has no clear, consistent teaching about hell (or anything else).
But the Quran has no such problem. If you believe in the Quran, you believe in hell. You know what it's like and who is going there.
I counted 98 passages in the Quran that mention hell. Here's a summary.
Who is going to hell?
Those who deny the existence of hell
This is hell which the guilty deny. They go circling round between it and fierce, boiling water. 55:43-44

All non-muslims
They who disbelieve and deny Our revelations, such are rightful owners of hell. 5:10
But those who disbelieve and deny Our revelations, they are owners of hell-fire. 5:86
Those who disbelieve will be gathered unto hell. 8:36
Lo! hell verily is all around the disbelievers. 9:49
We have appointed hell a dungeon for the disbelievers. 17:8
Lo! We have prepared hell as a welcome for the disbelievers. 18:102
That is their reward: hell, because they disbelieved, and made a jest of Our revelations and Our messengers. 18:106
Hell verily will encompass the disbelievers 29:54
But as for those who disbelieve, for them is fire of hell; it taketh not complete effect upon them so that they can die, nor is its torment lightened for them. 35:36
This is hell which ye were promised (if ye followed him). Burn therein this day for that ye disbelieved. 36:63-64
Those who disbelieve are driven unto hell in troops. 39:71
Those who disbelieve and deny Our revelations, they are owners of hell-fire. 57:19

Anyone who kills a Muslim
Whoso slayeth a believer of set purpose, his reward is hell for ever. 4:93

Muslims that refuse to serve and fight for Allah
When ye meet those who disbelieve in battle, turn not your backs to them. Whoso on that day turneth his back to them, unless manoeuvring for battle or intent to join a company, he truly hath incurred wrath from Allah, and his habitation will be hell, a hapless journey's end. 8:15-16
Those who scorn My service, they will enter hell, disgraced. 40:60

Muslims that oppose or disobey Allah, Muhammad, or the Quran
Whoso opposeth the messenger after the guidance (of Allah) hath been manifested unto him, and followeth other than the believer's way, We appoint for him that unto which he himself hath turned, and expose him unto hell - a hapless journey's end! 4:115
Know they not that whoso opposeth Allah and His messenger, his verily is fire of hell, to abide therein? 9:63
Whoso disobeyeth Allah and His messenger, lo! his is fire of hell, wherein such dwell for ever. 72:23
What's it like in hell?
On the day when it will (all) be heated in the fire of hell, and their foreheads and their flanks and their backs will be branded therewith. 9:35
Hell is before him, and he is made to drink a festering water, Which he sippeth but can hardly swallow, and death cometh unto him from every side while yet he cannot die, and before him is a harsh doom. 14:16-17
Hell, where they will burn, an evil resting-place. Here is a boiling and an ice-cold draught, so let them taste it. 38:56-57
Lo! the guilty are immortal in hell's torment. It is not relaxed for them, and they despair therein. 43:74-75
Take him and drag him to the midst of hell, Then pour upon his head the torment of boiling water. 44:47-48
On the day when they are dragged into the Fire upon their faces (it is said unto them): Feel the touch of hell. 54:48
Then the welcome will be boiling water And roasting at hell-fire. 56:92-94
But maybe I'm wrong. Maybe there are some moderate Muslims (like Cat Stevens?) that don't believe in hell. If so, I'd love to hear about it.
Posted by Steve Wells at 11/22/2006 02:58:00 PM 6 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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20 November 2006Muslim feminists to interpret the Quran
Muslim feminists from around the world vowed to create the first women’s council to interpret the holy Quran and overcome two stereotypes about their religion: Muslims are terrorists and Islam oppresses women.
...
"Two misconceptions about Islam are that it is associated with terrorism and that Islam is an oppressor of women. These are two myths that we seek to demolish."
Well, I wish them luck. The Quran is pretty consistent when it comes to terrorism and women's rights.
How will the Muslim Feminist Council interpret these verses, for example?
Men are in charge of women, because Allah hath made the one of them to excel the other, and because they spend of their property (for the support of women). So good women are the obedient, guarding in secret that which Allah hath guarded. As for those from whom ye fear rebellion, admonish them and banish them to beds apart, and scourge them. 4:34
We shall cast terror into the hearts of those who disbelieve. 3:151
I will throw fear into the hearts of those who disbelieve. Then smite the necks and smite of them each finger. 8:12
Behold them, staring wide (in terror), the eyes of those who disbelieve! 21:97
I suspect the council will treat these verses like liberal Christians treat similar verses in the Bible: either ignore them entirely or claim that they don't really mean what they very clearly say.
Link
Posted by Steve Wells at 11/20/2006 07:59:00 PM 8 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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11 November 2006The Goon Bible Project - Book of Job
The Book of Job gets way more respect than it deserves.
It is, after all, Howard Dean's favorite New Testament book. (I don't know whether he just misspoke during the interview, or whether he really didn't know which testament Job is in. But it was probably the latter. If he's like most American politicians, he's never read the Bible, but he has to pretend that it's one of his favorite books.)
The Goon Bible Project gives the Book of Job a fair and balanced treatment.


Posted by Steve Wells at 11/11/2006 02:41:00 PM 11 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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It is easy for Allah
We shall cast him into Fire, and that is ever easy for Allah. Quran 4:30
In a previous post, I mentioned the more than 200 times that the Quran threatens unbelievers (non-Muslims) with a painful (shameful, dreadful, etc.) doom. But that didn't count the Quran's references to "the Fire". So I thought I'd better look into that.
The Quran mentions "the Fire" 140 times. Here is just a sampling from the short list.
Lo! Those who disbelieve Our revelations, We shall expose them to the Fire. As often as their skins are consumed We shall exchange them for fresh skins that they may taste the torment. 4:56
And the dwellers of the Fire cry out unto the dwellers of the Garden: Pour on us some water or some wherewith Allah hath provided you. They say: Lo! Allah hath forbidden both to disbelievers (in His guidance). 7:50
We have prepared for disbelievers Fire. Its tent encloseth them. If they ask for showers, they will be showered with water like to molten lead which burneth the faces. 18:29
If those who disbelieved but knew the time when they will not be able to drive off the fire from their faces and from their backs, and they will not be helped! 21:39
But as for those who disbelieve, garments of fire will be cut out for them; boiling fluid will be poured down on their heads. 22:19
The fire burneth their faces, and they are glum therein. 23:104
Their retreat is the Fire. Whenever they desire to issue forth from thence, they are brought back thither. Unto them it is said: Taste the torment of the Fire which ye used to deny. 32:20
But as for those who disbelieve, for them is fire of hell; it taketh not complete effect upon them so that they can die, nor is its torment lightened for them. 35:36
Those who are immortal in the Fire and are given boiling water to drink so that it teareth their bowels. 47:15
Posted by Steve Wells at 11/11/2006 11:01:00 AM 2 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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04 November 2006Ted Haggard: It's written in the Bible
Pastor Ted had this to say in the Jesus Camp movie:
We've decided the Bible is the Word of God. We don't have to have a general assembly about what we believe. It's written in the Bible. So we don't have to debate about what we should think about homosexual activity. It's written in the Bible.

And he's right about that, too. It is written in the Bible. It not only condemns homosexual activity, but it defines the punishment for it.
If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them. Leviticus 20:13
Since it is so clearly written in the Bible, Bible believers have only three choices: kill Pastor Ted (assuming he had sex with a male prostitute), remove Leviticus 20:13 from the Bible, or reject the Bible entirely.
I recommend the third option.
Posted by Steve Wells at 11/04/2006 11:33:00 AM 8 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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01 November 2006Test your faith: Is it as great as Abraham's?


And he said, Take now thy son, thine only son Isaac, whom thou lovest, and ... offer him there for a burnt offering.... And Abraham stretched forth his hand, and took the knife to slay his son. Genesis 22:2, 10
Kill the Afterlife has a great test for believers of the Abrahamic faiths (Jews, Muslims, Christians -- heck, I suppose that'd even include Mormons). What would Abraham do? Would you, could you, should you do likewise?
Are you a Christian? Muslim? Jew? Good, because I want to ask you a question.
Remember the old story about Abraham being commanded by God to kill his son in the land of Moriah? Remember how Abraham was about to faithfully commit infanticide on his own offspring in the name of God, but then at the last second God stopped him?
...
This is a thought/faith experiment. First, we acknowledge that you are an Abrahamic theist (Christian, Muslim, or Jew). Second we assume that you have a child (if you don't have one in real life, let's pretend that you do for the sake of argument). Third, let's imagine that God came to you and told you to sacrifice your child on the peak of the nearest mountain, a la Abraham at Moriah.
Of course, in the story, God stopped Abraham at the last minute and allowed Abraham to kill a ram instead. But Abraham didn't know that God would stop him. And more importantly, Abraham was about to carry out the infanticidal act with total faith and conviction.
So the question to you, dear theist, is: Would you do it?
Seriously! Don't dodge the question. According to your faith, God did it before, so put yourself in Abraham's shoes. This is a test of your faith and conviction. This is a test to see if you put God first in your life!
If God asked you to kill your child, would you do it with total faith and conviction? Would you pass the test as Abraham did?
Posted by Steve Wells at 11/01/2006 04:23:00 PM 6 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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 22 December 2006Absalom's hair was heavy upon him
But in all Israel there was none to be so much praised as Absalom for his beauty: from the sole of his foot even to the crown of his head there was no blemish in him. And when he polled his head [cut his hair], (for it was at every year's end that he polled it: because the hair was heavy on him, therefore he polled it:) he weighed the hair of his head at two hundred shekels after the king's weight. 2 Samuel 14:25-26
Absalom was the best looking guy in all of Israel -- with one hell of a head of hair. He'd let it grow all year and then cut it, which he had to do each year because it got so darned heavy. One year's growth weighed 200 skekels.
And how heavy is 200 shekels? Well, one shekel weighed about 11 grams. So Absalom's haircut trimmings weighed in at 2.2 kilograms.
How does this compare with normal human hair?
An average head hair has a diameter of about 0.007 cm (70 micrometers) and grows 15 cm per year. And an average head has about 100,000 hair follicles on it. Since human hair has a density of 1.32 g/cm3, we can estimate the weight of an average person's yearly hair production.
weight = pi * (.0035 cm)2 * 15 cm * 100,000 hairs * 1.32 g/cm3 = 76 g
So an average person produces about 0.076 kilogram of hair annually -- about than 1/30th that of Absalom.
Of course Absalom wasn't an average person. He was, after all, the best looking guy in Israel. So maybe his hair was 30 times as thick or 20 times as dense as normal human hair. Or maybe the Bible was just making stuff up.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Source for human hair values: Robbins, C.R., Chemical and Physical Behavior of Human Hair, Fourth Edition, Springer (2002)
Posted by Steve Wells at 12/22/2006 01:30:00 PM 4 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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19 December 2006I deny the existence of the Holy Spirit
The blasphemy against the Holy Ghost shall not be forgiven. Matthew 12:31
He that shall blaspheme against the Holy Ghost hath never forgiveness, but is in danger of eternal damnation. Mark 3:29
Unto him that blasphemeth against the Holy Ghost it shall not be forgiven. Luke 12:10
Take the Blasphemy Challenge; deny the existence of the Holy Spirit. It's time for us all to stop believing (or pretending to believe) out of fear or politeness.


Posted by Steve Wells at 12/19/2006 03:44:00 PM 51 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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42: It's not God's favorite number

(Although it is The Answer to The Ultimate Question Of Life, the Universe and Everything.)


One of my favorite Bible stories for children is the Story of Elisha and the bears.
He [Elisha] went up from there to Bethel; and while he was going up on the way, some small boys came out of the city and jeered at him, saying, "Go up, you baldhead! Go up, you baldhead!" And he turned around, and when he saw them, he cursed them in the name of the LORD. And two she-bears came out of the woods and tore forty-two of the boys. (New Revised Version) 2 Kings 2:23-24
So much action packed into two short verses!
But what's really important here is the moral of the story. What is God trying to teach us here?
Well some things are obvious.
Don't make fun of religious leaders (or God might kill you in a particularly gruesome way).
Children shouldn't make fun of bald men.
God doesn't much like the number 42.
Okay, maybe the third one isn't so obvious. But doesn't it seem strange to have 42 little boys running out of the city screaming "Go up, you baldhead! Go up, you baldhead!" all at once? And then to have all 42 of them ripped apart by bears? Two or three, even a half dozen maybe, but not 42.
So maybe the number of boys was inflated a bit. But, still, why make it 42?
Because, you see, God really likes seven (that's why he has seven spirits) and he hates six (666 and all that). So since 7 is perfect and six is evil, 7 times 6 is perfectly evil.
So when the story of Elisha and the bears was made up (well, you didn't really believe it, did you?), 42 was selected for the number of boys. It showed how bad those boys must have been and how much they deserved being torn up by bears.
For other demonstrations of God's hatred of 42 see Judges 12:5-6; 2 Kings 10:14; Revelation 11:2, and 13:5.

Posted by Steve Wells at 12/19/2006 02:10:00 PM 11 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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18 December 2006Where does evil come from?
Behold, this evil is of the Lord. 2 Kings 6:33
As I pointed out in my last post, evil spirits (according to the Bible, anyway) usually come from God (not Satan).
But what about evil itself? Where does it come from?
Here is the Bible's answer.
I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things. Isaiah 45:7
The Bible tells us that God is the proud creator of everything evil. So whenever and wherever you find evil, you can be sure that God is its source.
Shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it? Amos 3:6
Posted by Steve Wells at 12/18/2006 10:05:00 AM 28 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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05 December 2006Where do evil spirits come from?
Seems like silly question, doesn't it? At least it would to most Bible believers. Evil spirits come from Satan. But that's not what the Bible says.
The phrase "evil spirit(s)" occurs 14 times (in 13 verses) in the Bible, in 8 of which the evil spirits were sent directly and explicitly by God.
The first evil spirit was sent by God to kill people in war.
Then God sent an evil spirit between Abimelech and the men of Shechem; and the men of Shechem dealt treacherously with Abimelech. Judges 9:23
God sent the next evil spirit to cause Saul to have a mental breakdown. (But luckily, David plays his harp and makes Saul's "evil spirit from the Lord" go away.)
But the Spirit of the LORD departed from Saul, and an evil spirit from the LORD troubled him. And Saul's servants said unto him, Behold now, an evil spirit from God troubleth thee. Let our lord now command thy servants, which are before thee, to seek out a man, who is a cunning player on an harp: and it shall come to pass, when the evil spirit from God is upon thee, that he shall play with his hand, and thou shalt be well. 1 Samuel 16:14-16
And it came to pass, when the evil spirit from God was upon Saul, that David took an harp, and played with his hand: so Saul was refreshed, and was well, and the evil spirit departed from him. 1 Samuel 16:23
Then God sent an evil spirit to cause Saul to prophesy and sit with a javelin in his hand.
And it came to pass on the morrow, that the evil spirit from God came upon Saul, and he prophesied in the midst of the house: and David played with his hand, as at other times: and there was a javelin in Saul's hand. 1 Samuel 18:10
And the evil spirit from the LORD was upon Saul, as he sat in his house with his javelin in his hand: and David played with his hand. 1 Samuel 19:9
The other 6 "evil spirit" occurrences are in the New Testament. The Bible doesn't say where the evil spirits came from, but they are usually associated with some type of illness (Which come from God, right?).
And in that same hour he cured many of their infirmities and plagues, and of evil spirits; and unto many that were blind he gave sight. Luke 7:21
And certain women, which had been healed of evil spirits and infirmities, Mary called Magdalene, out of whom went seven devils, Luke 8:2
So that from his body were brought unto the sick handkerchiefs or aprons, and the diseases departed from them, and the evil spirits went out of them. Then certain of the vagabond Jews, exorcists, took upon them to call over them which had evil spirits the name of the Lord Jesus, saying, We adjure you by Jesus whom Paul preacheth. ... And the evil spirit answered and said, Jesus I know, and Paul I know; but who are ye? And the man in whom the evil spirit was leaped on them, and overcame them, and prevailed against them, so that they fled out of that house naked and wounded. Acts 19:12-16
So the Bible is fairly clear on evil spirits: they are either sent directly by God or their origin is unknown. The Bible never attributes evil spirits to Satan.
(Thanks to Sternwallow at the Raving Atheists Forum for this one.)
Posted by Steve Wells at 12/05/2006 10:13:00 AM 22 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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03 December 2006Swear not at all: Christians and the oath of office
A Christian who believes in the Bible shouldn't swear on one.
The Bible, of course, is worse than useless when it comes to consistent advice on morality. But the New Testament (to avoid confusion, ignore the Old Testament on this one) is pretty clear about one thing: Christians shouldn't swear. Not to God and not on the Bible or on anything else.
Here's what Jesus (supposedly) said about it:
But I say unto you, swear not at all; neither by heaven for it is God's throne; Nor by the earth; for it is his footstool: neither by Jerusalem; for it is the city of the great King. Neither shalt thou swear by thy head, because thou canst not make one hair white or black. But let your communication be, Yea, yea; Nay, nay: for whatsoever is more than these cometh of evil. Matthew 5:34-37
And the Book of James condemns swearing "above all things." I guess that'd make it the worst possible sin.
But above all things, my brethren, swear not, neither by heaven, neither by the earth, neither by any other oath: but let your yea be yea; and your nay, nay; lest ye fall into condemnation. James 5:12
But what about Muslims? Is there anything in the Quran that forbids them from swearing on it? Well, not that I know of, but let me know if there is and I'll note it in the SAQ.
Of course this shouldn't be an issue. The swearing-in ceremony doesn't require the use of the Bible, Quran, or any other religious book. So Representative Elect Keith Ellison shouldn't have a problem getting sworn-in, although he should leave his Quran at home.
But what about Christian representatives? Since the Bible forbids them ("above all else") to take any type of oath, they can't take the oath of office without renouncing their faith.
Oh well, that shouldn't be a problem for them. Most are just pretending to believe for political purposes, and the rest are mostly just hypocrites.
Posted by Steve Wells at 12/03/2006 10:41:00 AM 12 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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 27 January 2007King David's amazing census
You just never know what's going to piss off the God of the Bible.
Take King David's censis, for example. The whole thing was God's idea, if you believe Second Samuel, anyway.
And again the anger of the LORD was kindled against Israel, and he moved David against them to say, Go, number Israel and Judah. 2 Samuel 24:1
But if you believe First Chronicles, it wasn't God's idea; it was Satan's.
And Satan stood up against Israel, and provoked David to number Israel. 1 Chronicles 21:1
So what's a Bible-believer to believe here? Did God tell David to "Go, number Israel and Judah"? Or did Satan provoke "David to number Israel"? Or did the Dynamic Duo conspire together to make David do it? They worked together before to torment Job. Maybe they teamed up again to make David have a census. You just never know what those two might do.
But whoever was responsible for the dastardly census (Satan and/or God), it was David that God blamed. And God was really pissed off about it, too. So you might expect God to punish David for the census and he and/or Satan inspired, right?
Well, not exactly. Here's what God did according to 2 Samuel.
For when David was up in the morning, the word of the LORD came unto the prophet Gad, David's seer, saying, Go and say unto David, Thus saith the LORD, I offer thee three things; choose thee one of them, that I may do it unto thee. So Gad came to David, and told him, and said unto him, Shall seven years of famine come unto thee in thy land? or wilt thou flee three months before thine enemies, while they pursue thee? or that there be three days' pestilence in thy land? 2 Samuel 24:11-13
God decided not to punish David for the Divine/Satanic census. No, God liked David too much for that. So he decided to punish the people instead. But the Divine Decider just couldn't decide what punishment would be the most just. So he let David choose from three choices:
Seven years of famine,
Three months of war, or
Three days of pestilence
But David couldn't decide, so God chose option 3 for him, and 70,000 men (no one bothered to count women and children) died.
You can read all about it in 2 Samuel 21.
And David said unto Gad, I am in a great strait: let us fall now into the hand of the LORD; for his mercies are great: and let me not fall into the hand of man. So the LORD sent a pestilence upon Israel from the morning even to the time appointed: and there died of the people from Dan even to Beersheba seventy thousand men. 2 Samuel 24:14-15
But if you believe that story, don't read the 1 Chronicles account. Here's what it says.
And the LORD spake unto Gad, David's seer, saying, Go and tell David, saying, Thus saith the LORD, I offer thee three things: choose thee one of them, that I may do it unto thee. So Gad came to David, and said unto him, Thus saith the LORD, Choose thee Either three years' famine; or three months to be destroyed before thy foes, while that the sword of thine enemies overtaketh thee; or else three days the sword of the LORD, even the pestilence, in the land, and the angel of the LORD destroying throughout all the coasts of Israel. Now therefore advise thyself what word I shall bring again to him that sent me. And David said unto Gad, I am in a great strait: let me fall now into the hand of the LORD; for very great are his mercies: but let me not fall into the hand of man. So the LORD sent pestilence upon Israel: and there fell of Israel seventy thousand men. 1 Chronicles 21:8-12
So was option 1 seven or three years of famine? No wonder poor David couldn't decide! God's options as communicated by Gad were not clearly stated.
But at least both storytellers agree on the number of innocent people killed by God for a census that God and/or Satan inspired: 70,000 men (God only knows how many women and children he killed).
Stories like this can only be found in the Bible.
Posted by Steve Wells at 1/27/2007 09:40:00 PM 53 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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22 January 2007An excuse to buy Playboy (for me anyway)
Playing Devil's Advocate:
Blogger Steve Wells has counted the number of people killed in the Bible. God takes the lives of 2,270,365 (not including the victims of Noah's flood, Sodom and Gomorrah, and the many plagues and famines, etc.). Satan is repsonsible for only 10 deaths, those of Job's seven sons and three daughters.
Playboy Magazine, February 2007, Page 21


Posted by Steve Wells at 1/22/2007 07:17:00 AM 7 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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13 January 2007How many has God killed? (Complete list and estimated total)
kill ... I wound ... I will make my arrows drunk with blood, and my sword shall devour flesh. -- Deuteronomy 32:39-42
In a previous post, I've listed and counted God's killings in the Bible. But I only included those that said exactly how many were killed by God. I came up with 2,476,633.
But that didn't include some of God's most impressive slaughters. How many did God drown in the flood or burn to death in Sodom and Gomorrah? How many first-born Egyptians did he kill? The Bible doesn't say, so there's no way to know for sure. But it's possible to provide rough estimates in order to get a grand total, and that's what I'm attempting here.
Total with estimates: 25 million.
Here is a complete list of all of God's killings in the Bible.
Much more information about God's killings, with a chapter on each of the 135 killing events, can be found int the book:

Drunk With Blood: God's killings in the Bible
Posted by Steve Wells at 1/13/2007 09:01:00 PM 126 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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12 January 2007God's uncounted killings revisited (with estimates for the number of victims)
It's impossible to know how many people God killed in the Bible.
Sometimes the Bible provides a number, sometimes it doesn't. In previous posts, I left out the un-numbered victims from the total, and just provided a list. But I'm frequently asked for a grand total, however inexact it might be. So here, once again, is the list of God's uncounted killings, with rough estimates of the number of victims. In my next post, I'll use these to get an estimate of the total death toll.
God drowns everyone on earth.
30,000,000
And every living substance was destroyed which was upon the face of the ground, both man, and cattle, and the creeping things, and the fowl of the heaven; and they were destroyed from the earth. Genesis 7:23, Brick Testament
God supposedly drowned the entire human population (except for Noah and his family) in a flood, somewhere around 2400 BCE. Wikipedia estimates the human population in the third millineum BCE to be around 30 million.

God rains fire and brimstone on Sodom and Gomorrah, killing everyone.
1000
the LORD rained upon Sodom and upon Gomorrah brimstone and fire from the LORD out of heaven. Genesis 19:24, BT
No one knows what the population of Sodom and Gomorrah might have been at the time they were supposedly destroyed by God, or even if they ever existed at all. But Accuracy in Genesis says it was 600 to 1200. And they ought to know. So I just made it an even thousand.

The Seventh Plague: Hail
30,000
And the hail smote throughout all the land of Egypt all that was in the field, both man and beast. Exodus 9:25, BT
Wikipedia says the Egyptian population to be 3 - 5 million at the time the Exodus supposedly happened. So if maybe 1% of the Egyptians were in the field at the time, that would mean that about 30 - 50 thousand would have been killed by God's hailstorm. I used 30,000.

God kills all the firstborn Egyptian children.
1,000,000
At midnight the LORD smote all the firstborn in the land of Egypt, from the firstborn of Pharaoh that sat on his throne unto the firstborn of the captive that was in the dungeon. Exodus 12:29, BT
According to Exodus 12:37 there were 600,000 Hebrew men that left Egypt. So the total number of Israelites must have been several million, when women and children are included. If there were several million Israelite slaves, there must have been many more Egyptians. Let's say there were twice as many. That would make 6 million Egyptians. If one-sixth of them were first born sons, a million Egyptians were killed by God (or the angel sent by God to do his dirty work for him).

God drowns Pharaoh's army in the sea.
1000
And the waters returned, and covered the chariots, and the horsemen, and all the host of Pharaoh that came into the sea after them; there remained not so much as one of them. Exodus 14:28, BT
Since there's no way of knowing how many were supposed to have drowned, I just picked a number. 1000. I'll be (over)using that number a lot in these estimates.

God and Moses help Joshua kill the Amalekites.
1000
And Joshua discomfited Amalek and his people with the edge of the sword. Exodus 17:13, BT
God burned to death an unknown number for complaining.
100
And when the people complained, it displeased the LORD: and the LORD heard it; and his anger was kindled; and the fire of the LORD burnt among them, and consumed them. Numbers 11:1, BT
God sent "a very great plague" for complaining about the food.
10,000
And while the flesh was yet between their teeth, ere it was chewed, the wrath of the LORD was kindled against the people, and the LORD smote the people with a very great plague. Numbers 11:33, BT
Since this was a "very great plague," I figure at least 10,000 must have died.

God killed those who murmured with a plague.
100
Those men that did bring up the evil report upon the land, died by the plague before the LORD. Numbers 14:36-37, BT
How many would die in a regular plague? 100 or so maybe?

Massacre of the Aradites
3000
And the LORD hearkened to the voice of Israel, and delivered up the Canaanites; and they utterly destroyed them and their cities. Numbers 21:3, BT
Since God "utterly destroyed" several cities, at least a few thousand must have died.

For complaining about the lack of food and water, God sent fiery serpents to bite the people, and many of them died.
100
Numbers 21:6, BT
I figure "many" is maybe 100 or so.

God delivers the Bashanites into Moses' hands and Moses kills everyone "until there was none left alive."
1000
And the LORD said unto Moses, Fear him not: for I have delivered him into thy hand, and all his people ... So they smote him, and his sons, and all his people, until there was none left him alive. Numbers 21:34-35, BT
The slaughter of the Anakim, the childen of Esau, and the Horim
5000
A people great, and many, and tall, as the Anakims; but the LORD destroyed them ... As he did to the children of Esau, which dwelt in Seir, when he destroyed the Horims from before them ... And the Avims ... the Caphtorims ... destroyed them, and dwelt in their stead. -- Deuteronomy 2:21-22
The usual 1000 from each group.

God hardened the king of Heshbon's heart so that the Israelites could massacre his people. (included several cities)
3000
And the LORD our God delivered him before us; and we smote him, and his sons, and all his people. And we took all his cities at that time, and utterly destroyed the men, and the women, and the little ones, of every city, we left none to remain: -- Deuteronomy 2:33-34, BT
God delievered the king of Bashan so that the Israelites could massacre his people.
60,000
So the LORD our God delivered into our hands Og also, the king of Bashan, and all his people: and we smote him until none was left to him remaining. ... threescore cities ... And we utterly destroyed them, as we did unto Sihon king of Heshbon, utterly destroying the men, women, and children, of every city. -- Deuteronomy 3:3-6, BT
60 cities were "utterly destroyed." That ought to be at least 60,000.

Massacre of Jericho
1000
And they utterly destroyed all that was in the city [Jericho], both man and woman, young and old, and ox, and sheep, and ass, with the edge of the sword. -- Joshua 6:21, BT
God slaughters the Amorites and even chases them "along the way" as they try to escape.
1000
And the LORD discomfited them before Israel, and slew them with a great slaughter at Gibeon, and chased them along the way ... the LORD cast down great stones from heaven upon them unto Azekah, and they died: they were more which died with hailstones than they whom the children of Israel slew with the sword. -- Joshua 10:10-11
Massacre of 7 cities (Makkedah, Libnah, Lachish, Gezer, Eglon, Hebron, and Debir
7,000
So Joshua smote all the country of the hills, and of the south, and of the vale, and of the springs, and all their kings: he left none remaining, but utterly destroyed all that breathed, as the LORD God of Israel commanded. Joshua 10:28-42, BT
The massacre of 7 cities. At least another 7,000 must have died.

God delivers the Hazorites.
1000
The LORD delivered them into the hand of Israel ... and they smote them, until they left them none remaining. -- Joshua 11:8-12, BT
Massacre of the Anakim
1000
Joshua 11:20-21, BT
Massacre of the Canaanites
1000
Judges 4:15, BT
God delivered the Ammonites to Jephthah to slaughter.
1000
The LORD delivered them into [Jephthah's] hands. And he smote them ... with a very great slaughter. -- Judges 11:32-33
God forces the Philistine soldiers to kill each other.
1000
Every man's sword was against his fellow, and there was a very great discomfiture. -- 1 Samuel 14:20
God orders Saul to kill every Amalekite man, women, and child.
10,000
Thus saith the LORD of hosts ... go and smite Amalek, and utterly destroy all that they have, and spare them not; but slay both man and woman, infant and suckling, ox and sheep, camel and ass. ... And Saul smote the Amalekites ... and utterly destroyed all the people with the edge of the sword. -- 1 Samuel 15:2-18
If this Bible story is true (which it isn't, of course), how many Amalekites were killed at God's command? I originally gave it the usual 1000 for a standard massacre, but Saul sent 210,000 soldiers to do the killing. He wouldn't send that many soldiers to kill only 1000 civilians, would he? So I've increased it to 10,000.

God delivers the Philistines.
1000
I will deliver the Philistines into thine hand. So David ... smote them with a great slaughter. -- 1 Samuel 23:2-5
God delivers the Philistines to David (again).
1000
And David enquired of the LORD, saying, Shall I go up to the Philistines? ... And the LORD said unto David, Go up: for I will doubtless deliver the Philistines into thine hand. ... And David did so, as the LORD had commanded him; and smote the Philistines." -- 2 Samuel 5:19, 25
God sent a three-year famine because of something Saul did.
5000
Then there was a famine in the days of David three years, year after year; and David enquired of the LORD. And the LORD answered, It is for Saul, and for his bloody house, because he slew the Gibeonites." -- 2 Samuel 21:1
Baasha killed everyone in the house of Jeroboam "according to the saying of the Lord."
1000
He smote all the house of Jeroboam; he left not to Jeroboam any that breathed, until he had destroyed him, according unto the saying of the LORD. -- 1 Kings 15:29-30
Zimri killed everyone in the house of Baasha "according to the word of the Lord."
1000
He slew all the house of Baasha: he left him not one that pisseth against a wall ... according to the word of the LORD. -- 1 Kings 16:11-12
God calls for a seven year famine.
10,000
The LORD hath called for a famine; and it shall also come upon the land seven years. -- 2 Kings 8:1
Jehu shows his zeal for the Lord by murdering "all that remained unto Ahab in Samaria, till he had destroyed him according to the word of the Lord."
100
Come with me, and see my zeal for the LORD. ... And when he came to Samaria, he slew all that remained unto Ahab in Samaria, till he had destroyed him, according to the saying of the LORD, which he spake to Elijah. -- 2 Kings 10:16-17
God delivered the Israelites into the hand of the Chaldeans.
1000
The wrath of the LORD arose against his people, till there was no remedy. Therefore he brought upon them the king of the Chaldees, who slew their young men with the sword in the house of their sanctuary, and had no compassion upon young man or maiden, old man, or him that stooped for age: he gave them all into his hand. -- 2 Chronicles 36:16-17
God and Satan kill Job's 10 children and all of his servants. The Bible doesn't say how many servants Job had, but it does say (Job 1:3) that he had 7000 sheep, 3000 camels, 500 oxen, 500 she-asses, and "a very great household." So he must have had a bunch of servants (slaves). I'll just say 50.
And there came a messenger unto Job, and said, The oxen were plowing, and the asses feeding beside them: And the Sabeans fell upon them, and took them away; yea, they have slain the servants with the edge of the sword; and I only am escaped alone to tell thee. While he was yet speaking, there came also another, and said, The fire of God is fallen from heaven, and hath burned up the sheep, and the servants, and consumed them; and I only am escaped alone to tell thee. While he was yet speaking, there came also another, and said, The Chaldeans made out three bands, and fell upon the camels, and have carried them away, yea, and slain the servants with the edge of the sword; and I only am escaped alone to tell thee. Job 1:14-17
Posted by Steve Wells at 1/12/2007 02:55:00 PM 11 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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11 January 2007The Bible and the Quran agree: Stay away from menstruating women
But if a man be just, and do that which is lawful and right, and hath not ... come near to a menstruous woman.... Ezekiel 18:5
They question thee (O Muhammad) concerning menstruation. Say: It is an illness, so let women alone at such times.... Quran 2:222
Finally, a topic upon which Muslims, Christians, and Jews can fully agree! Women are unclean when menstruating and men should stay the hell away from them.
Here's what the Bible has to say. (A women who is menstruating is unclean and should be kept away from everyone else for seven days. Whatever she touches or sits on is unclean. Whoever touches a such a women is unclean. Whoever touches her bed is unclean. Whoever touches anything that she sits on is unclean. And anyone who has sex with a menstruating woman is really unclean -- unclean for seven days.)
And if a woman have an issue, and her issue in her flesh be blood, she shall be put apart seven days: and whosoever toucheth her shall be unclean until the even. And every thing that she lieth upon in her separation shall be unclean: every thing also that she sitteth upon shall be unclean. And whosoever toucheth her bed shall wash his clothes, and bathe himself in water, and be unclean until the even. And whosoever toucheth any thing that she sat upon shall wash his clothes, and bathe himself in water, and be unclean until the even. And if it be on her bed, or on any thing whereon she sitteth, when he toucheth it, he shall be unclean until the even. And if any man lie with her at all, and her flowers be upon him, he shall be unclean seven days; and all the bed whereon he lieth shall be unclean. Leviticus 15:19-24
The Bible goes on and on about this, but I think you get the idea. Finally the woman is allowed back into society, when on the eighth day she goes to the priest and sacrifices two pigeons or two doves ("turtles" in the KJV) as a "sin offering" -- "an atonement for her before the LORD for the issue of her uncleanness."
But if she be cleansed of her issue, then she shall number to herself seven days, and after that she shall be clean. And on the eighth day she shall take unto her two turtles, or two young pigeons, and bring them unto the priest, to the door of the tabernacle of the congregation. And the priest shall offer the one for a sin offering, and the other for a burnt offering; and the priest shall make an atonement for her before the LORD for the issue of her uncleanness. Leviticus 15:28-30
Other passages in the Bible also address menstruation, but this is one of the few topics upon which the Bible speaks consistently and clearly. (Except for the punishment of having sex with a woman during her menses.)
Also thou shalt not approach unto a woman to uncover her nakedness, as long as she is put apart for her uncleanness. Leviticus 18:19
And if a man shall lie with a woman having her sickness, and shall uncover her nakedness; he hath discovered her fountain, and she hath uncovered the fountain of her blood: and both of them shall be cut off from among their people. Leviticus 20:18
In other places, the Bible refers to menstruation in ways that show how God sees it.
Let it not displease my lord that I cannot rise up before thee: for the custom of women is upon me. Genesis 31:34-35
Thou shalt cast them away as a menstruous cloth. Isaiah 30:22
Jerusalem is as a menstrous woman. Lamentations 1:17
They humbled her that was set apart for pollution. Ezekiel 22:10
The Quran says it all in just one verse, but it is in complete agreement with the Bible.
They question thee (O Muhammad) concerning menstruation. Say: It is an illness, so let women alone at such times and go not in unto them till they are cleansed. And when they have purified themselves, then go in unto them as Allah hath enjoined upon you. 2:222
Menstruation is a sickness. Menstrating women are unclean. Stay away from them while they are menstruating. And, for God's sake, don't have sex with them!
Posted by Steve Wells at 1/11/2007 06:50:00 PM 14 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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03 January 2007Allah hates pubic hair
I'm not sure why Allah feels this way, but according to Muhammad, he does. Here's what the prophet supposedly said about it.
Five practices are characteristics of the fitrah: circumcision, shaving the pubic hairs, cutting the mustaches short, clipping the nails and plucking the hair of the armpits. (Reported in Sahih al-Bukhari and Sahih Muslim)
And although the Quran is silent on pubic hair, it does say that everyone must do whatever Muhammad says.
And whatsoever the messenger giveth you, take it. And whatsoever he forbiddeth, abstain (from it). And keep your duty to Allah. Lo! Allah is stern in reprisal. Quran 59:7
So Muhammad says you must shave your pubic hair, and the Quran says you must do whatever Muhammad tells you to do. Now that you know, you have no excuse.
Here are detailed instructions on just how to do it.
It's a bit complicated ("...start shaving the pubic hair from beneath the navel, and to start on the right hand side...").
Be sure to read the instructions before starting.
Posted by Steve Wells at 1/03/2007 09:15:00 AM 12 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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Dwindling In Unbelief



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 28 February 2007Islamic Teachings: Cruelty From The Qur'an (reloaded)

Nick's video on the Quran is up again at YouTube.
Some things are never out of context.
Posted by Steve Wells at 2/28/2007 03:14:00 PM 4 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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25 February 2007A duck with four legs: "It shall be an abomination unto you"

"Stumpy the four-legged duckling is basking in the spotlight after being unveiled to the world. The bird, now just eight days old, has suffered a rare genetic mutation which has left it with two legs behind the two he runs about on."
Okay, Stumpy is kind of cute. But he's an abomination to God and to all true Bible-believers. It's one of the few things that the Bible is clear about.

"All fowls that creep, going upon all four, shall be an abomination unto you." Leviticus 11:20
Posted by Steve Wells at 2/25/2007 12:14:00 PM 130 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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20 February 2007Cruelty from the Bible: Genesis-Leviticus

Posted by Steve Wells at 2/20/2007 10:13:00 PM 2 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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Mitt Romney's Jesus: Father, Son, and Satan's older brother
 Oh my heck! Mitt Romney's going to do it. (Run for president, that is.)
I hope reporters will ask, and Mitt will answer, questions about his religious views. Like what does he think about Jesus?
Is Jesus both the Father and the Son, as it so clearly says in the Book of Mormon?
God himself shall come down among the children of men, and shall redeem his people. And because he dwelleth in flesh he shall be called the Son of God, and having subjected the flesh to the will of the Father, being the Father and the Son -- The Father, because he was conceived by the power of God; and the Son, because of the flesh; thus becoming the Father and Son -- And they are one God, yea, the very Eternal Father of heaven and of earth. Mosiah 15:1-3
Is the Son of God the very Eternal Father? ... Yea, he is the very Eternal Father. Alma 11:38-39
Jesus Christ, the Son of God, the Father of heaven and of earth. Helaman 14:12
Behold, I am Jesus Christ. I am the Father and the Son. Ether 3:14
For behold, I [Jesus] am the Father. Ether 4:12
So Mitt's Jesus is his own father. And he is also, according to the Book of Abraham, Satan's older brother.
(The Books of Abraham and Moses are not part of the Book of Mormon. They're in the Pearl of Great Price, which is included in Mormon Scripture.)
Since the quotes from the Pearl of Great Price are a bit hard to understand, I'll let the LDS church explain it all for us.
Our Father said, "Whom shall I send?" (Abraham 3:27). Two of our brothers offered to help. Our oldest brother, Jesus Christ, who was then called Jehovah, said, "Here am I, send me" (Abraham 3:27).
...
Satan, who was called Lucifer, also came, saying, "Behold, here am I, send me, I will be thy son, and I will redeem all mankind, that one soul shall not be lost, and surely I will do it; wherefore give me thine honor" (Moses 4:1).
...
After hearing both sons speak, Heavenly Father said, "I will send the first" (Abraham 3:27). LDS.org
So there you have it. Mitt's Jesus, who used to be called Jehovah, is the Father (or ex-Father) and the Son, as well as the older brother of Satan. He is brother and father to us all -- which makes him, I guess, since he is his own father, our very own grandpa.
I hope brother Romney will be asked about that during the campain.
Posted by Steve Wells at 2/20/2007 01:15:00 PM 12 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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Who has killed more, Satan or God?
God's Top 50 Killings in the Bible
Where do evil spirits come from?
David, a man after God's own heart (WWDD?)
The worth of a woman: The Bible vs. the Quran
208 ways to get yourself saved
Real men pee standing up
Everybody must get stoned
Where do evil spirits come from?
What does Jesus have written on his testicles?
Which is more violent, the Bible or the Quran?
Why Christian "Marriage" is Wrong
Is it wrong to burn people to death?
The Top 50 Bible Stories for kids
Which bits of the Bible are we still to believe?
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Dwindling In Unbelief



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 28 February 2007Islamic Teachings: Cruelty From The Qur'an (reloaded)

Nick's video on the Quran is up again at YouTube.
Some things are never out of context.
Posted by Steve Wells at 2/28/2007 03:14:00 PM 4 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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25 February 2007A duck with four legs: "It shall be an abomination unto you"

"Stumpy the four-legged duckling is basking in the spotlight after being unveiled to the world. The bird, now just eight days old, has suffered a rare genetic mutation which has left it with two legs behind the two he runs about on."
Okay, Stumpy is kind of cute. But he's an abomination to God and to all true Bible-believers. It's one of the few things that the Bible is clear about.

"All fowls that creep, going upon all four, shall be an abomination unto you." Leviticus 11:20
Posted by Steve Wells at 2/25/2007 12:14:00 PM 130 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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20 February 2007Cruelty from the Bible: Genesis-Leviticus

Posted by Steve Wells at 2/20/2007 10:13:00 PM 2 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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Mitt Romney's Jesus: Father, Son, and Satan's older brother
 Oh my heck! Mitt Romney's going to do it. (Run for president, that is.)
I hope reporters will ask, and Mitt will answer, questions about his religious views. Like what does he think about Jesus?
Is Jesus both the Father and the Son, as it so clearly says in the Book of Mormon?
God himself shall come down among the children of men, and shall redeem his people. And because he dwelleth in flesh he shall be called the Son of God, and having subjected the flesh to the will of the Father, being the Father and the Son -- The Father, because he was conceived by the power of God; and the Son, because of the flesh; thus becoming the Father and Son -- And they are one God, yea, the very Eternal Father of heaven and of earth. Mosiah 15:1-3
Is the Son of God the very Eternal Father? ... Yea, he is the very Eternal Father. Alma 11:38-39
Jesus Christ, the Son of God, the Father of heaven and of earth. Helaman 14:12
Behold, I am Jesus Christ. I am the Father and the Son. Ether 3:14
For behold, I [Jesus] am the Father. Ether 4:12
So Mitt's Jesus is his own father. And he is also, according to the Book of Abraham, Satan's older brother.
(The Books of Abraham and Moses are not part of the Book of Mormon. They're in the Pearl of Great Price, which is included in Mormon Scripture.)
Since the quotes from the Pearl of Great Price are a bit hard to understand, I'll let the LDS church explain it all for us.
Our Father said, "Whom shall I send?" (Abraham 3:27). Two of our brothers offered to help. Our oldest brother, Jesus Christ, who was then called Jehovah, said, "Here am I, send me" (Abraham 3:27).
...
Satan, who was called Lucifer, also came, saying, "Behold, here am I, send me, I will be thy son, and I will redeem all mankind, that one soul shall not be lost, and surely I will do it; wherefore give me thine honor" (Moses 4:1).
...
After hearing both sons speak, Heavenly Father said, "I will send the first" (Abraham 3:27). LDS.org
So there you have it. Mitt's Jesus, who used to be called Jehovah, is the Father (or ex-Father) and the Son, as well as the older brother of Satan. He is brother and father to us all -- which makes him, I guess, since he is his own father, our very own grandpa.
I hope brother Romney will be asked about that during the campain.
Posted by Steve Wells at 2/20/2007 01:15:00 PM 12 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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Islam: It's mostly about going to the bathroom
Blogging the Book of Mormon
50 reasons to be ashamed (and not a fan) of Jesus
Who has killed more, Satan or God?
God's Top 50 Killings in the Bible
Where do evil spirits come from?
David, a man after God's own heart (WWDD?)
The worth of a woman: The Bible vs. the Quran
208 ways to get yourself saved
Real men pee standing up
Everybody must get stoned
Where do evil spirits come from?
What does Jesus have written on his testicles?
Which is more violent, the Bible or the Quran?
Why Christian "Marriage" is Wrong
Is it wrong to burn people to death?
The Top 50 Bible Stories for kids
Which bits of the Bible are we still to believe?
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Dwindling In Unbelief



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 28 March 2007The Best Book in the Bible (Revisted)
In my last post, I tried to find the best book in the Bible by summing up the number of good things (that I could find) in each book. When goodness is measured in that way, Proverbs is the winner, with 56 good passages.
But Proverbs is, as Bible books go, a fairly big book. So I repeated the analysis using as the measure of goodness the number of good things per 100 verses. With this metric, Ecclesiastes (17.12) is by far the best book in the Bible. (The next best, James, has less than half as many, 8.33.)
There's still a problem, though (as Jason Macker pointed out), with this measure of goodness. A book might have a few good things to say, but have twice as many cruel and intolerant ideas. How can the amount of bad stuff be accounted for in the goodness metric?
Well, here's the way I did it. As before, I totalled the number of good things in each book, but I subtracted the number of bad things. That way, I come up the book's "net goodness." (I totalled cruelty, injustice, intolerance, family values, women, and homosexuality to get the number of bad things, since the verses marked with these categories are all morally objectionable.)
Here's how it looks with this metric. Book  Net Goodness (good - bad) 
Ecclesiastes  36 
Proverbs  7 
Jonah  0 
James  0 
3 John  0 
Philippians  -1 
Philemon  -1 
Galatians  -2 
Song of Solomon  -3 
1 Thessalonians  -3 
Colossians  -4 
2 John  -4 
Nehemiah  -5 
Haggai  -5 
1 John  -5 
Jude  -5 
Joel  -6 
Ruth  -7 
Ezra  -7 
Habakkuk  -7 
Titus  -7 
1 Peter  -7 
Daniel  -8 
Ephesians  -8 
Obadiah  -9 
2 Thessalonians  -11 
2 Timothy  -12 
Nahum  -13 
2 Peter  -13 
Malachi  -14 
2 Corinthians  -14 
1 Timothy  -14 
Hebrews  -14 
Esther  -20 
Romans  -25 
Job  -26 
Lamentations  -26 
Zephaniah  -28 
Mark  -28 
1 Chronicles  -29 
Micah  -31 
John  -31 
1 Corinthians  -32 
Zechariah  -37 
Acts  -42 
Amos  -50 
Luke  -50 
2 Chronicles  -52 
Hosea  -54 
Joshua  -69 
1 Kings  -75 
2 Kings  -82 
2 Samuel  -84 
Matthew  -86 
Isaiah  -90 
Revelation  -90 
Judges  -104 
1 Samuel  -104 
Numbers  -109 
Leviticus  -116 
Exodus  -144 
Psalms  -145 
Ezekiel  -145 
Genesis  -164 
Deuteronomy  -222 
Jeremiah  -247 


So using this metric, Ecclessiates is the best book, with a net goodness of 36. The next best is Proverbs with 7.
What is surprising (to me anyway) is that these are the only two good books in the Bible. The other 64 are either neutral, with a net goodness of zero (Jonah, James, and 3 John), or bad (net goodness < 0).
But, as before, these values do not take into account the size of the book. To account for size, I found the net number of good verses per 100 verses. Here is the result, ranked from best to worst. Book  Net good per 100 verses 
Ecclesiastes  16.22 
Proverbs  0.77 
Jonah  0.00 
James  0.00 
3 John  0.00 
Philippians  -0.96 
Nehemiah  -1.23 
Galatians  -1.34 
Daniel  -2.24 
Job  -2.43 
Ezra  -2.50 
Song of Solomon  -2.56 
1 Chronicles  -3.08 
1 Thessalonians  -3.37 
John  -3.53 
Philemon  -4.00 
Mark  -4.13 
Acts  -4.17 
Colossians  -4.21 
Luke  -4.34 
Hebrews  -4.62 
1 John  -4.76 
Ephesians  -5.16 
2 Corinthians  -5.45 
Romans  -5.77 
Psalms  -5.89 
2 Chronicles  -6.33 
1 Peter  -6.67 
Isaiah  -6.97 
1 Corinthians  -7.32 
Matthew  -8.03 
Joel  -8.22 
Ruth  -8.24 
Numbers  -8.46 
1 Kings  -9.19 
Joshua  -10.49 
Genesis  -10.70 
Ezekiel  -11.39 
2 Kings  -11.40 
Exodus  -11.87 
Esther  -11.98 
2 Samuel  -12.09 
1 Timothy  -12.39 
Habakkuk  -12.50 
1 Samuel  -12.84 
Haggai  -13.16 
Leviticus  -13.50 
2 Timothy  -14.46 
Titus  -15.22 
Judges  -16.83 
Lamentations  -16.88 
Zechariah  -17.54 
Jeremiah  -18.11 
Jude  -20.00 
2 Peter  -21.31 
Revelation  -22.28 
Deuteronomy  -23.15 
2 Thessalonians  -23.40 
Malachi  -25.45 
Hosea  -27.41 
Nahum  -27.66 
Micah  -29.52 
2 John  -30.77 
Amos  -34.25 
Obadiah  -42.86 
Zephaniah  -52.83 


Once again, Ecclesiastes is the best, with over 16 net good things per 100 verses. The only other good book, as judged by this metric, is Proverbs, with less than one net good thing per 100 verses. All the other books in the Bible (including all the New Testament) are either no good or just plain bad.
(The overall average for the Bible is 9.02 net bad things / 100 verses.
See here for more "good stuff" analysis.)
Posted by Steve Wells at 3/28/2007 09:42:00 PM 28 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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17 March 2007Drew's Inspirational readings from The Book of Mormon: 2 Nephi 3:12

2 Nephi 3:12
Posted by Steve Wells at 3/17/2007 10:10:00 AM 3 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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God's Top 50 Killings in the Bible
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David, a man after God's own heart (WWDD?)
The worth of a woman: The Bible vs. the Quran
208 ways to get yourself saved
Real men pee standing up
Everybody must get stoned
Where do evil spirits come from?
What does Jesus have written on his testicles?
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The Top 50 Bible Stories for kids
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 27 April 2007Everything in the Old Testament points to Jesus
Christians often say that everything in the Old Testament points to Jesus. But do they really believe it?
Does Malachi 2:3 point to Christ?
Behold, I will corrupt your seed, and spread dung upon your faces.
How about Ezekiel 23:20?
For she doted upon their paramours, whose flesh is as the flesh of asses, and whose issue is like the issue of horses.
Deuteronomy 25:11-12?
When men strive together one with another, and the wife of the one draweth near for to deliver her husband out of the hand of him that smiteth him, and putteth forth her hand, and taketh him by the secrets: Then thou shalt cut off her hand, thine eye shall not pity her.
All the nasty, cruel, absurd stuff in the Old Testament points to Jesus?
If I were a Christian, I think I'd point these verses at someone else.
Posted by Steve Wells at 4/27/2007 08:46:00 PM 28 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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15 April 2007How many species did Adam name?
And out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof. And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him. Genesis 2:19-20
So how many species did Adam name?
Well, if you believe the Genesis story, "every living creature" was directly and immediately created by God in that failed matchmaking attempt. God hoped that one of them (the bot fly maybe) would strike Adam's fancy, but none of them did. Shucks! So God created Eve instead.
In the process, though, Adam named all of the species that God created. And he did it in a single afternoon.
So why is it taking us so long? Thousands of biologists have been working for for nearly 350 years, yet they still haven't named them all.
About ten days ago, the Integrated Taxonomic Information System (ITIS) recorded its millionth species. But that leaves another 750,000 known species that have yet to be included. And no one knows (except maybe Adam and God) how many unknown species are still out there. Some estimates put it at as many as ten million or so (not including extinct species).
So Adam must have identified and named millions of species on that fine afternoon in the garden of Eden. 350,000 species of beetles, 120,000 flies, 100,000 parasitic wasps, 20,000 nematodes. And he was just getting started. He must have needed that nap after he was done. (I sympathize with Adam. I spent a few hours this afternoon trying to identify a half dozen aquatic invertebrates.)
But it was all part of God's plan. He was trying to find a mate for Adam and he just got carried away with beetles, flies, wasps, and worms. Stuff like that happens in the Bible.
Posted by Steve Wells at 4/15/2007 06:25:00 PM 54 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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Dwindling In Unbelief



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 28 May 2007Getting a tan from the Book of Mormon
The Book of Mormon is black and white about skin color.
White skin is good and "delightsome"; black skin is bad and "loathsome". In fact, God created dark skin just to punish people for their bad behavior.
And he had caused the cursing to come upon them, yea, even a sore cursing, because of their iniquity ... wherefore, as they were white, and exceedingly fair and delightsome, that they might not be enticing unto my people the Lord God did cause a skin of blackness to come upon them. And thus saith the Lord God: I will cause that they shall be loathsome unto thy people. 2 Nephi 5:21-22
This color-coding scheme was designed by God to separate the good from the bad and to keep them forever separate. God will curse the children that result from any "seed mixing".
And cursed shall be the seed of him that mixeth with their seed; for they shall be cursed even with the same cursing. And the Lord spake it, and it was done. 2 Nephi 5:23
And the difference between the races is much more than skin deep. God not only darkened the skin of people of color; he made them lazy, wild, and mischievous, as well.
And because of their cursing which was upon them they did become an idle people, full of mischief and subtlety, and did seek in the wilderness for beasts of prey. 2 Nephi 5:24
[But people of color shouldn't give up all hope. God's curse can be undone, at least in certain circumstances. An especially well-behaved dark-skinned person may become white and delightsome again! (See 3 Nephi 2:14-16)]
And readers of this blog should take note: God may cause your skin to darken if you spend your time dwindling in unbelief.
And the angel said unto me: Behold these shall dwindle in unbelief. And it came to pass that I beheld, after they had dwindled in unbelief they became a dark, and loathsome, and a filthy people, full of idleness and all manner of abominations. 1 Nephi 12:22-23
But then, that might not be such a bad thing. You'll be loathsome, filthy, lazy, and abominable to God, but you'll get a nice, safe tan out of it!
Posted by Steve Wells at 5/28/2007 02:58:00 PM 9 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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Dwindling In Unbelief



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 25 June 2007The Finger of Jesus
Who was the first person to see Jesus?
You might think it was Mary or Joseph, then maybe the magi, the shepherds, and the little drummer boy. But you'd be wrong. If the Book of Mormon is right, that is.
The first person to see Jesus was the brother of Jared (aka Mahonri Moriancumer). And he saw him more than 2200 years before Jesus was born. (The brother of Jared lived during the time of the Tower of Babel.)
It's a long silly story and I don't have time to repeat it here, but here are a few highlights.
The brother of Jared saw "the finger of the Lord" when Jesus was making some magic lights out of 16 stones that the brother of Jared had formed by melting some rocks.
And it came to pass that the brother of Jared ... did molten out of a rock sixteen small stones; and they were white and clear, even as transparent glass. ...
O Lord, ... behold these things which I have molten out of the rock. ...
... touch these stones, O Lord, with thy finger, and prepare them that they may shine forth in darkness. ...
Behold, O Lord, thou canst do this. ...
And it came to pass that when the brother of Jared had said these words, behold, the Lord stretched forth his hand and touched the stones one by one with his finger. And the veil was taken from off the eyes of the brother of Jared, and he saw the finger of the Lord. Ether 3:1-6
Okay, he didn't get to see all of Jesus, but he saw his finger. And that was spooky enough -- for both of them apparently.
I saw the finger of the Lord, and I feared lest he should smite me. ...
And the Lord said unto him ... Sawest thou more than this? Ether 3:8-9
Finally, after a bit more discussion, Jesus shows his whole body to the brother of Jared, and reveals that he is not only the Son of God but also the Father.
Behold, the Lord showed himself unto him,and said ... I show myself unto you. ...
Behold, I am Jesus Christ. I am the Father and the Son. Ether 3:13-14
So what's-his-name got to see not only the finger of Jesus but the whole enchilada, Father and Son.
I'll bet it looked a lot like this.

Posted by Steve Wells at 6/25/2007 09:39:00 AM 4 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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06 June 2007Giving up on the Bible
Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live. Exodus 22:18
Some things in the Bible are hard to understand. But this isn't one of them.
The meaning of Exodus 22:18 is clear and simple: kill witches. Kill them whenever and wherever you find them. It is your sacred duty, a direct command from God.
But Christians don't kill witches anymore, do they? Is that because they no longer believe in witches or in the Bible, or both?
John Wesley said that "the giving up of witchcraft is, in effect, the giving up of the Bible."
And he was right about that.
It's time for us all to give up on the Bible. Killing witches was never a good idea, and a good God would never inspire the words of Exodus 22:18.
Posted by Steve Wells at 6/06/2007 08:41:00 PM 69 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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Dwindling In Unbelief



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 15 July 2007The Christopher Hitchens / Douglas Wilson Debate
Somehow I missed the online debate between Christopher Hitchens and Douglas Wilson that took place in May at the Christianity Today website. ("Is Christianity Good for the World?")
I must say that I found it disappointing. Wilson was able to control the debate by avoiding the topic (which was supposed to be about the goodness of Christianity) while forcing Hitchens to explain how an atheist determines what is good. So Hitchens was kept off balance trying to defend his own ethical system, rather than reveal the harm caused by the Bible and Christian belief.
Although Wilson is an entertaining writer and a skilled debater, I am surprised that he was selected by Christianity Today to represent Christians, given his views on the goodness of slavery, the subjection of women, and the need to execute homosexuals, non-believers, disobedient children, etc. But times are changing. Christians are returning to the Bible, the whole Bible, and nothing but the Bible (which is why, at least in my opinion, there are fewer Christians each day).
It is a pity that Christopher Hitchens was unable to reveal Wilson's views in the debate. It is only necessary to list them; anyone with any morals will immediately conclude that such views are not good for the world.
Here is a list of the views of Douglas Wilson and his followers. (As found on the Credenda/Agenda website):
On Slavery
[N]othing is clearer – the New Testament opposes anything like the abolitionism of our country prior to the War Between the States. The New Testament contains many instructions for Christian slave owners, and requires a respectful submissive demeanor for Christian slaves. See, for example, Eph. 6:5-9, Col. 3:22-4:1, and 1 Tim. 6:1-5.
. . .
The reason why many Christians will be tempted to dismiss the arguments presented here is that we have said (out loud) that a godly man could have been a slave owner. But this 'inflammatory' position is the very point upon which the Bible speaks most directly, again and again. In other words, more people will struggle with what we are saying at the point where the Bible speaks most clearly. There is no exegetical vagueness here. Not only is the Bible not politically correct, it was not politically correct one hundred thirty years ago.
. . .
This entire issue of slavery is a wonderful issue upon which to practice. Our humanistic and democratic culture regards slavery in itself as a monstrous evil, and acts as though this were self-evidently true. The Bible permits Christians to own slaves, provided they are treated well. You are a Christian. Whom do you believe?
On the Law, Homosexuality, and the Sin of Pity (1, 2 )
Let's pretend, just for a moment, that we could have it our way. The great revival we have been praying for has occurred, and every executive, legislator, and bureaucrat in the capital has just been saved. Knowing they ought to begin applying Scripture in their jobs, but not knowing how to go about it, they come to you and your church for advice. What will you tell them? How should they apply God's law?
....
Looking at the Bible with an eye toward applying it in the civil realm, several things become apparent. First, it is pretty small. … [O]n the average, a little over 1,000 pages. Think of the money governments will save on printing and shelf space!
....

If biblical law is to be biblically applied, then the biblical punishment must be used. … Of course, there would be laws enforced against certain crimes which are currently ignored, such as homosexuality.
The civil magistrate is the minister of God to execute wrath on the wrongdoer (Rom. 13:4). God has not left his civil minister without guidance on how to exercise his office. The Scriptures set forth clear standards of judgment for many offenses. Capital crimes, for example, include premeditated killing (murder), kidnapping, sorcery, bestiality, adultery, homosexuality, and cursing one's parents (Ex. 21:14; 21:16; 22:18; 22:19; Lev. 20:10; 20:13; Ex. 21:17).
In contemporary American jurisprudence, none of these offenses is punishable by death, with the occasional exception of murder. The magistrates have dispensed with God's standards of justice. Some Christians believe this is an improvement. They would be horrified to think that the "harsh" penalties of the law should still be applied. Sometimes this is the result of the mistaken belief that the Old Testament has no further application after the advent of Christ. This is an exegetical problem. Too often, it is the result of a sinful view of the criminal. This sin is called pity. … Why is pity a sin?
First, pity is not always a sin. But neither is it always good. … God included in the law specific prohibitions against the exercise of pity in meting out punishment.
If your brother, the son of your mother, your son or your daughter, the wife of your bosom, or your friend who is as your own soul, secretly entices you, saying, "Let us go and serve other gods,". . . you shall not consent to him or listen to him, nor shall your eye pity him, nor shall you spare him or conceal him; but you shall surely kill him . . . (Deut. 13:6-9).
If two men fight together, and the wife of one draws near to rescue her husband from the hand of the one attacking him, and puts out the hand and seizes him by the genitals, then you shall cut off her hand; your eye shall not pity her. (Deut. 25:11, 12).
God commands the judge to evaluate the crime rather than the criminal. If the crime is one for which God requires death, then death must be the punishment. Your eye shall not pity. … Thus, the Bible teaches that pity is not an option where God has decided the matter. The magistrate, God's minister, is to faithfully execute justice according to God's standard, not man's.
On Crime and Punishment
Responsibility for the civil order is placed in the hands of magistrates, who act as God's ministers of wrath against those who do evil (Rom. 13:1-7).
God's law sets forth three basic punishments for crime: death, lashing (essentially, a government-sponsored spanking), and restitution. There is a conspicuous absence of county jails, state penitentiaries, reform schools, and hospitals for the criminally insane. The goal of the sentence is to execute God's wrath….
On Elected Officials
If we have God-hating tyrants ruling over us (and we do), then we must recognize that they rule by our invitation.
First, our rulers are to be able men. … The responsibility of civil, ecclesiastical and family leadership is given to men. … [I]t is an embarrassment and a reproach to the men to have women ruling a nation (Is. 3:12).
The men we choose are to fear God. The unregenerate do not fear God by definition (Rom. 3:18).
We are to choose men of truth. … A man who honestly believes erroneous doctrine may be sincere, but he is also deceived.
From this list of qualifications, it is apparent that, biblically, it is only professing Christians who are qualified to hold public office.
On Disobedient Children
[A] father may (and must) discipline his son, but he may not exercise capital punishment against him on his own authority. Instead, he must bring a son worthy of death to the elders of the city, who are charged with applying the civil penalty (Prov. 13:24; Deut. 21:18-21).
On Church and State (1, 2 )
God has established the magistrate for the purpose of executing His wrath, but He has not made the civil ruler the exclusive authority on the question of when wrath is appropriate. If a matter is too hard for the judges to determine with the knowledge at hand, then they are commanded to take the question to the church for clarification. The church decides, based on God's Word, what judgment should be carried out, and the judges are obliged to pronounce sentence accordingly.
The state wields the sword, and must wield it in submission to God's law. But if the law is not clear on a particular point, and the state has a question about what God's law requires, it is powerless to interpret Scripture on its own authority. Instead, the state must take the question to the church, which has been charged with protecting, interpreting, and teaching the law of God. The leaders of the church are instructed to make a judgment as to what the law requires, but the church does not thereby take up the sword. Rather, the judgment is passed back to the state, and the magistrates then wield the sword in a manner consistent with the judgment of the church.
[I]t is not enough that the civil government give Christianity a place at the table, even if it is the most honored place. … Nor is it sufficient that the magistrate render "personal submission to the spiritual government" of the church. While our rulers should be members of Christ’s covenant household … a Christian who is also an executive, legislator, or judge owes a duty of submission different than that of the ordinary layman.
On Non-Christians (1, 2)
[T]he political leader is the head of the civil covenant. If that head acknowledges that his authority comes from God (as he should), is it enough that he honors God personally? … Or can he also require, for example, oaths of allegiance to the Lord as a prerequisite of citizenship? (Before you balk, keep in mind that we don't have any problem saying pledges of allegiance to mere flags or the nations for which they stand.)
Again, we have no problem making school children dutifully recite the pledge of allegiance, or requiring new citizens to swear oaths of loyalty to the U.S. government. Why can't they also be required to acknowledge the sovereignty of the one true God, and to "zealously renounce all heathen practices?" … Someone who is required to renounce Buddhism as a condition of citizenship is no longer trapped by a spiritual snare, and can't be a snare to anyone else. That is a blessing. Reforming the State is not about forcing people to be Christians. But it is about forcing people to outwardly conform to a Christian standard and about protecting the Christian religion. Historically, the civil magistrate has enforced laws against blasphemy, apostasy, heresy, swearing, and working on the Sabbath. The difficulty is not in defining or punishing these crimes; the difficulty is finding the strength and wisdom to do so.
On Environmentalists
An environmentalist who seeks to "manage" the environment by letting it run wild is disobeying God's command to fill, subdue, and exercise dominion over the earth.
The consequences of environmentalist philosophy are disobedience to God in the short run…. Droughts and famines do not come upon a people who are obedient, but they are promised to those who disobey. An earth left to itself will only yield thorns, thistles, disease, and decay. If Christians are to be obedient to God's dominion mandate, they must oppose the rebellion inherent in environmentalist government policy.
On Pluralism
[T]he Christian magistrate acknowledges there is such a thing as a true church, and that he has a responsibility to nurture that church so that it thrives and to protect it against those things that threaten to do it harm. Obviously, this excludes the idea of pluralism.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
26 October 2009 Note: The articles quoted are no longer available at Doug Wilson's Credenda Agenda website. I wonder why. Is he embarrassed by them now that the film Collision is coming out?
In any case, I was able to restore the links via the wayback machine.
Posted by Steve Wells at 7/15/2007 04:43:00 PM 10 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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The God of the Old Testament (Richard Dawkins)


The God of the Old Testament is arguably the most unpleasant character in all fiction: jealous and proud of it; a petty, unjust, unforgiving control-freak; a vindictive, bloodthirsty ethnic cleanser; a misogynistic, homophobic, racist, infanticidal, genocidal, filicidal, pestilential, megalomaniacal, sadomasochistic, capriciously malevolent bully.
Posted by Steve Wells at 7/15/2007 02:44:00 PM 78 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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The worth of a woman: The Bible vs. the Quran
208 ways to get yourself saved
Real men pee standing up
Everybody must get stoned
Where do evil spirits come from?
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Dwindling In Unbelief



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 13 August 2007In the beginning ...
God created the heaven and the earth. (Genesis 1:1)
What an opportunity for God (assuming there is a God who had something to do with the Bible) to reveal himself to us all. All that he needed to do is tell us just when the beginning was. Was it a relatively recent event (like a few thousand years ago) or is the universe immensely old (say 13.7 billion years)?
We had no idea, none at all, about the true age of the universe until the last few hundred years. All God had to do was tell us that it was really, really old -- over a million times as old as nearly everyone thought it was. That would have been some impressive evidence for the God of the Bible.
But the Bible's God is a young earth creationist. For although the Bible's begats do not provide a clear creation date (though many believers believe that they do), they do provide a range of possible dates. The universe (if you believe in the Bible) is 5500 to 7500 years old.
So right from the start we know the Bible is wrong. The universe is about 2 million times older than the Bible says that it is.
Posted by Steve Wells at 8/13/2007 08:54:00 PM 39 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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 17 September 2007It's about time someone sued God: Thanks Ernie!
A while back I counted the number of people killed by God in the Bible. I found a total of 2,270,971 (not including cases in which numbers are not given). Now you'd think that a guy with that many killings would have been accused and hopefully convicted of murder by now. Especially when the killer is so darned proud of his killings. But no. No one has ever taken God to court. Until now, that is.
But today Ernie Chambers, a Nebraska State Senator, filed suit in district court (Chambers v. God) against God for making terrorist threats and causing "fearsome floods, egregious earthquakes, horrendous hurricanes, terrifying tornadoes, pestilential plagues, ferocious famines, devastating droughts, genocidal wars, birth defects, and the like."
To which I would add, "and admitted to the killing of 2,270,971 people."
Posted by Steve Wells at 9/17/2007 05:05:00 PM 14 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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 25 October 2007Suggested Bible stories for the next Barna survey
As I mentioned in my last post, a new Barna survey claims that two thirds of American adults believe in the literal truth of the stories in the Bible, and concludes that "people believe that their personal trust" in the biblical God "is warranted" from these stories.
But of course the entire survey was set up to produce the desired result. The selected stories were the safe and familiar ones found in children's Bibles (and are the only ones that most adults are familiar with today).
I wonder what the result would be if the Bible stories were selected at random. What would happen, for example, if the following six stories were selected? 
1) God kills every Egyptian firstborn baby.

At midnight the LORD smote all the firstborn in the land of Egypt, from the firstborn of Pharaoh that sat on his throne unto the firstborn of the captive that was in the dungeon; and all the firstborn of cattle .... and there was a great cry in Egypt; for there was not a house where there was not one dead. Exodus 12:29-30
2) God sends fiery serpents to bite and kill his people (for complaining).

And the people spake against God, and against Moses, Wherefore have ye brought us up out of Egypt to die in the wilderness? for there is no bread, neither is there any water; and our soul loatheth this light bread. And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died. Numbers 21:5-6
3) Moses commands his soldiers to kill every boy, woman, and female child (except for the virgins).

And Moses was wroth with the officers ... And Moses said unto them, Have ye saved all the women alive? ... Now therefore kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman that hath known man by lying with him. But all the women children, that have not known a man by lying with him, keep alive for yourselves. Numbers 31:14-18
4) God orders the Israelites to kill every Amalekite man, woman, and child.

Thus saith the LORD of hosts ... go and smite Amalek, and utterly destroy all that they have, and spare them not; but slay both man and woman, infant and suckling, ox and sheep, camel and ass. 1 Samuel 15:2-3
5) David buys a wife with 200 Philistine foreskins.

And Saul said, Thus shall ye say to David, The king desireth not any dowry, but an hundred foreskins of the Philistines, to be avenged of the king's enemies. ... Wherefore David arose and went, he and his men, and slew of the Philistines two hundred men; and David brought their foreskins, and they gave them in full tale to the king, that he might be the king's son in law. And Saul gave him Michal his daughter to wife. 1 Samuel 18:25-27
6) God kills husband and wife for not giving all their money to Peter.
(Or maybe for lying about the amount of money that they had.)
Ananias, with Sapphira his wife, sold a possession, And kept back part of the price, his wife also being privy to it, and brought a certain part, and laid it at the apostles' feet. But Peter said, Ananias, why hath Satan filled thine heart to lie to the Holy Ghost, and to keep back part of the price of the land? ... And Ananias hearing these words fell down, and gave up the ghost: ... And it was about the space of three hours after, when his wife, not knowing what was done, came in. Then Peter said unto her, How is it that ye have agreed together to tempt the Spirit of the Lord? behold, the feet of them which have buried thy husband are at the door, and shall carry thee out. Then fell she down straightway at his feet, and yielded up the ghost. Acts 5:1-10
Would people believe in the literal truth of these stories? Would they still "believe that their personal trust" in the biblical God was "warranted" by them?
Barna should do a survey to find out. (I'll bet the believers would drop from two thirds to two percent.)
Posted by Steve Wells at 10/25/2007 07:23:00 PM 27 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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24 October 2007Taking Bible Stories Literally
Oh boy, a new Barna survey is out! 
This one is trying to find out if Americans still believe those cute Bible stories they were taught as kids. And, not too surprisingly, most (about 2/3) still do.
Here are the "six renowned Bible stories ... offered to adults for their consideration," along with the overall percentage who believed the story was “literally true, meaning it happened exactly as described in the Bible”:
1) Jesus rising from the dead (75%)
2) Daniel and the lion den (65%)
3) Moses parting the Red Sea (64%)
4) David and Goliath (63%)
5) Peter walking on water (60%)
6) The six-day creation story (60%)
From the survey, the Barna group concluded that "these and other Bible stories inspire people to believe that their personal trust in that powerful God is warranted. Although some people may dismiss such writings as fairy tales for children, the data indicate that the typical American has adopted these accounts as the foundation of a valued faith in God."
Okay. But what I'd like to know is this: Why did Barna choose these six stories for the survey?
I suspect that there are two reasons:
1) They are the stories that most people are familiar with.
2) They are stories that most people can stomach.
The stories are familiar not because most people have read them, but because they were read to them when they were children (and very few have read them since). The text and illustrations made it all seem so appealing, comforting, and certain. They were included in the Barna survey because when it comes to religion, familiarity breeds, not contempt, but acceptance and belief. And belief was what the Barna survey was trying to find.
Posted by Steve Wells at 10/24/2007 10:42:00 AM 2 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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17 October 2007New Rule: A Religious Test with Bill Maher
Okay, this "New Rule" is a bit old (It was on Bill Maher's 21 Sept 2007 Real Time show), but it's a good rule to follow.
New rule: just because the constitution doesn't have a religious test for office, doesn't mean I can't.
...
If you believe you're in a long-term relationship with an all-powerful space daddy who will, after you die, party with your ghost forever, you can't have my vote....
...
Maybe a president who didn't believe our soldiers were going to heaven might be a little less willing to get them killed.

Posted by Steve Wells at 10/17/2007 02:15:00 PM 2 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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Mitt Romney is right about the Bible
It's boring!
Here's what Romney said about it:
I find myself having to read for an hour or so before I can fall asleep. And thanks to the Gideons, I've got good material.
Yes, Mitt is right about that. The Bible is boring. So boring, in fact, I've considered adding it as a separate category at the SAB. Try reading 1 Chronicles sometime. Now that's good Romney bedtime reading material.
But Mitt should give the Book of Mormon a try when he has trouble sleeping. Here's what Mark Twain said about it:
The book is a curiosity to me, it is such a pretentious affair, and yet so "slow," so sleepy; such an insipid mess of inspiration. It is chloroform in print. If Joseph Smith composed this book, the act was a miracle--keeping awake while he did it was, at any rate.
Try the Mitt Romney bedtime test yourself.
Which do you think is more boring?


Posted by Steve Wells at 10/17/2007 11:05:00 AM 9 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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Landover Baptist Pastor Preaches to Atheists
Jesus, I love to hear Pastor Deacon Fred preach! Here are some excerpts.
When the Lord gets a bee in his bonnet about something, he turns into a killing machine.
...
Now anyone familiar with this wonderful book [the Bible] will know that if there's one thing that the Lord enjoys more than making free booze at wedding parties, it is killing.
...
Hosea 13:16 says, 'The people of Samaria must bear their guilt because they have rebelled against their God. They will fall by the sword. Their little ones will be dashed open. Their pregnant women, ripped to pieces.'
...
Yes that's right. God wants us to constitutionally ban abortion, but he's not above using it to get back at folks that tick him off.
...
We have an invisible friend on our side who is more powerful and diabolical than this Mohammad fella.
Glory!

Posted by Steve Wells at 10/17/2007 09:23:00 AM 1 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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 29 November 2007The 9 Most Badass Bible Verses
Not all of the nine on Cracked.com's list would make it onto mine, but then there are so many badass verses to choose from. Here are some that we can all agree on.
(The first number is the Cracked.com Badass rating; the second is the ranking at TopVerses.com. Believers just don't seem to like these verses much.)
#8 (15,995) 2 Kings 2:23-24
Okay, we've seen this one before. But isn't this a great picture?

And, of course, here's the moral of the story.

#7 (16,648) Ezekiel 23:19-20
No comment is needed on this one.

#4 (26,550)Deuteronomy 25:11-12
The Cracked.com authors (Wong and Ball) explain it this way.
Now, you nervous, liberal types are complaining that this is barbaric and misogynistic. Perhaps, a little context helps. Just a couple of pages earlier, in Deuteronomy 23:1, we get this:

"Emasculated by crushing?" Gah! Everything in the Bible has to be understood in context of the times these people were living in. And, apparently, these people lived in a time when "crushing" the nuts was so common that the crushed-nuts victims were an entire demographic that had to be accounted for in the law. Call these commandments savage if you want, but if you were God, how many nuts would you have to see "crushed" before you overreacted? We're thinking the answer is two.
#1 (8,876) 1 Samuel 18:25-27
This is my personal favorite.
And here's some of Ball and Wong's exegesis.
This passage raises several thousand questions. Just off the top of our head:
What did Saul (the king at the time) want with 100 foreskins? Was he going to make a scarf?
Did David think this was a strange request?
If this was secretly a plan to have David killed, why didn't he require he bring back, say, 100 bear foreskins?
Did David just wander into Philistia and kill the first 200 men he saw? Did they think this was odd? Or, with all the other shit that went down back then, did they just shrug it off?
...
We're guessing we'll never know. It doesn't matter, because at its heart, this story is about love. For the hand of Micah, David went further than any man would have gone. Way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way further.
Ladies, when a man finally proposes to you, ask him one simple question: "How many dongs would you mutilate for me?" If you demand a hundred and he doesn't blink, he's a keeper. But, if he's David, who was sent after a hundred and then came back with twice that many just for the hell of it, well, you've got a love for the ages.
Which verses are on your list?
Posted by Steve Wells at 11/29/2007 09:55:00 PM 8 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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09 November 2007Losing the Lamanites

The LDS church is changing a single word in its introduction to the Book of Mormon.
If you go get your Book of Mormon (or go to LDS.com) you'll find the following words in the last sentence of the second paragraph: "After thousands of years, all were destroyed except the Lamanites, and they are the principal ancestors of the American Indians."
But the new version will say, "After thousands of years, all were destroyed except the Lamanites, and they are among the ancestors of the American Indians."
Now if you haven't read the Book of Mormon, this might not seem like such a big deal to you. But the idea that Native Americans are the degenerate offspring of the Lamanite tribe is absolutely central to the Book of Mormon. In fact, other than Jesus showing up now and then in the New World, there just isn't much else to the silliest book every written.
So why did the leaders of the Mormon church drop the teaching about the Lamanites?
Because they had to.
Of course, anthropologists known for many years that Native Americans migrated from Asia thousands of years ago, long before the Jaredites and the Nephites supposedly made their incredible journeys. But recent DNA evidence makes it impossible to deny any longer. The Book of Mormon is wrong; Native Americans did not descend from the Lamanites.
That is what the LDS church is admitting with the 1-word change in the introduction to the Book of Mormon.
Posted by Steve Wells at 11/09/2007 07:23:00 PM 6 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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01 November 2007Most Popular Bible Verses (Jeremiah 19:9 didn't make the list)
What a great idea, eh? Take the 31,101 or so verses in the Bible and rank them by popularity. That's what TopVerses.com did, and guess what verse was number one.
That's right.

But none of my favorite verses made it on the top 10 or even the top 1000 verses. (Although Malachi 2:3 was the 9th most popular verse in Malachi and the top verse in Malachi 2.)
I guess there are some verses that Bible believers just don't like very much. Take Jeremiah 19:9, for example.
And I [God] will cause them to eat the flesh of their sons and the flesh of their daughters, and they shall eat every one the flesh of his friend.
This is clearly a verse that God feels strongly about. Yet it's ranked 21,875!
I'll bet that really ticks God off. (Maybe he'll force believers to eat each other.)
Posted by Steve Wells at 11/01/2007 07:20:00 PM 13 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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 18 December 2007In case you missed it, the answer to Huckabee's question is yes
(But don't say anything about it to anyone or think about it yourself. It's unconstitutional!)
Back in February, when Mitt Romney announced his intention to run for president, I suggested that someone should ask him about the Mormon Jesus. And,as we all know, someone did.
I doubt if Mike Huckabee was taking my suggestion, though. He probably doesn't read my blog or visit the SAB.
But it was a good question, nonetheless; and although neither Romney nor the LDS church would answer it, the answer is yes. Mormons believe that Jesus is Satan's older brother.
The question is answered in the Pearl of Great Price, which (along with the Bible and the Book of Mormon) is a part of LDS scripture. So I've decided to include it at the SAB. I've just got started on it (I'm on the first chapter of the Book of Abraham). I'll have more to say about it as I go along.
Until then, here's a good summary of what Mormons believe (but refuse to say) about Jesus.
Oh, and here's a picture of the two brothers. (Jesus is on the right.)

Posted by Steve Wells at 12/18/2007 09:52:00 AM 9 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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06 December 2007Don't ask Mitt about his beliefs: It's unconstitutional
Don't ...
... about his Mormon beliefs.
(It's Unconstitutional!)
So now we know why Mitt Romney won't talk about his Mormon beliefs. It's prohibited by the constitution.
Here's what he said in his long-awaited "I'm no Jack Kennedy" speech.
There are some who would have a presidential candidate describe and explain his church's distinctive doctrines. To do so would enable the very religious test the founders prohibited in the Constitution.
So if Mitt's interpretation of the no religious test clause is correct, then reporters can't ask and Mitt can't tell us about his Mormon beliefs.
And voters can't consider a candidate's religious views (no matter how dangerous or bizarre) as a factor in selecting a president. It is unconstitutional for any voter to even think about the fact that Romney wears holy underwear.
I'm sure Mitt wishes it were otherwise. He'd love to share his Mormon faith with us. To explain the details of celestial marriage, the whereabouts of the planet Kolob, baptism of the dead, blood atonement, Jesus' little brother Satan, etc.
But he can't. It would be unconstitutional. He can't talk about it and we can't think about it.
I guess that means he won't have to lie about it anymore.
Posted by Steve Wells at 12/06/2007 07:26:00 PM 3 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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04 December 2007Name your dog Muhammad
The Sudanese government released Gillian Gibbons, who was imprisoned for allowing her students to name a teddy bear Muhammad. If it weren't for British intervention, she might have gotten 40 lashes or even faced the death penalty. I guess it offends Muslims when inanimate objects are named Muhammad.
Which is why I now name pretty much everything Muhammad. I named my bike Muhammad, and my favorite rocking chair. And my laptop. I just wish I had a teddy bear. Oh well, maybe Santa will bring me one for Christmas. (Some brave person should sell "Muhammad" teddy bears. She'd probably make a fortune before getting beheaded.)
But the best thing to name Muhammad is a dog.

Muhammad didn't like dogs much. He thought that they were dirty and evil (black ones especially). He said that angels refuse to enter a house if there's dog a inside, and that whatever good deeds a person might do are undone by owning a dog.
So do a good deed that can't be undone. Name your dog Muhammad. (I think I will, if I can talk my wife into letting me have one.)
Posted by Steve Wells at 12/04/2007 10:25:00 AM 4 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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03 December 2007Would Jesus Stone Larry Craig?
Someone should ask Mike Huckabee.
Because in last week's YouTube debate, Huckabee said this when asked if he believed in every word of the Bible:
Sure I believe that the Bible is exactly what it is. It's the word of revelation to us from God Himself. And the fact is that when people ask do we believe all of it, you either believe it or you don't believe it.
Well, then, here's what the Bible says about about Larry Craig.
If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them. Leviticus 20:13
So according to Mike Huckabee this commandment is the "revelation to us from God himself" and "you either believe it or you don't believe it."
Huckabee claims to believe it. The question is, would he do it? Would he stone Larry Craig (assuming the recent stories about him are true)?
Posted by Steve Wells at 12/03/2007 08:18:00 AM 17 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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 28 January 2008To torture little children just for the fun of it: The Hitchens-Richards ID debate
I wish I could have seen yesterday's Intelligent Design debate between Christopher Hitchens and Jay Richards at Stanford University. (If anyone can find a transcript or a webcast, please let me know.) But from the report in the Stanford Daily, it was another bad day for ID.
The first bit of evidence that Richards presented in favor of ID was the fact that we all feel "simple moral truths." As an example, he pointed to the fact that "we all know that it’s wrong to torture little children just for the fun of it."
And I agree, we pretty much all know that. Which is why we also know that life wasn't designed by a kind and loving God. Because the designer, if there is one, purposefully designed creatures that "torture little children" and he did so "just for the fun of it." Or so says Revelation 4:11, anyway.
Thou hast created all things, and for thy pleasure they are and were created.
Here's what Sir David Attenborough said when asked about ID.
When people talk about God and creation, they always think of beautiful things, like roses and hummingbirds. But I also think of a little African boy sitting on a river bank in West Africa with a worm eating its way through his eyeball, which will make him blind in the next few years. Now if you are telling me that God created the rose and the hummingbird, presumably he also created this thing in his eye. And it didn't evolve the way that I believe that it did, but it was created by God. Some way or another, God said, "I will make a worm that can only live by boring through peoples' eyes." Now I don't find that compatible with the Christian idea of a God who cares for the well being of each of us.
Here is the interview with David Attenborough.


And here is a Wikipedia article on River Blindness.
Posted by Steve Wells at 1/28/2008 08:08:00 AM 54 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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22 January 2008Chuck Norris' favorite Bible verse
Thus says the LORD, the God of Israel, "Every man of you put his sword upon his thigh, and go back and forth from gate to gate in the camp, and kill every man his brother, and every man his friend, and every man his neighbor." Exodus 32:27
Okay, it may not be his favorite. But it is one of his favorites. He really likes the idea that God would tell people to kill their family, friends, and neighbors (all for a good cause, of course). He quotes this verse along with those shown below in his WorldNetDaily article, Would Jesus support war?.
… let him who has no sword sell his robe and buy one. Luke 22:36
Do not think that I came to bring peace on the earth; I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. Matthew 10:34
(This is also one of one of Ann Coulter's favorite verses. Great minds think alike.)
Chuck's point is that Jesus (like his good buddy Mike Huckabee) approves of gun ownership, the Iraq war (or pretty much any kind of war, but especially holy wars), and all of the laws and carnage in the Old Testament. "The baby born in a manger 2,000 years ago was not only a Savior, but a God of war."
(Someone should ask the Huckster if he likes Exodus 32:27 as much as Chuck does.)
Still, I think Chuck Norris was holding out on us. I bet his favorite Bible verse is actually Numbers 31:17-18. He's the type.
Posted by Steve Wells at 1/22/2008 02:18:00 PM 3 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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20 January 2008Professor Brothers - Bible History #1
Genesis 19: The Story of Sodom and Gomorrah
"Lot and his kids couldn't even turn around to look at her or else they too might be turned into pillars of who knows what spice."
Posted by Steve Wells at 1/20/2008 11:11:00 AM 5 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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 29 February 2008Vegetarians are pussies!
Just thought you should know.
(See Romans 14:2, 1 Timothy 4:1-4.)

Posted by Steve Wells at 2/29/2008 09:40:00 PM 8 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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All Ceatures Great and Small: The Lord God Drowned Them All
You'd think that when God repents, he'd behave better afterwards. But not the God of the Bible; he's at his worst after making a public confession.
Take the flood, for example. God creates all creatures great and small and declares them "very good" in Genesis 1:31. He then makes them not so good in 3:17-18 (either immediately in an evil re-creation or through 1656 years of God-directed super evolution), repents of ever having made them in 6:7, and finally drowns them all in 7:21-23.
What was the point of all that? If God was trying to punish people for misbehaving, then why did he drown the animals, too?
Posted by Steve Wells at 2/29/2008 07:11:00 PM 4 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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24 February 2008Evolution Creationist Style: It all happened in 1656 years
In the beginning, God created everything good. No predators, parasites, pathogens, pain, disease, or death for any of God's creatures. Every living thing (except for maybe the plants) lived forever in a vegan paradise that was all "very good."
And to every beast of the earth, and to every fowl of the air, and to every thing that creepeth upon the earth, wherein there is life, I have given every green herb for meat: and it was so. And God saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was very good. Genesis 1:30-31
But Adam screwed all that up by sinning (or whatever) and God cursed the ground causing thorns and thistles to grow (Genesis 3:17-18), creating the cruel and brutal place that we see today. It went from "very good" to "no country for old men" in just 1656 years.
How do we know this? The Bible tells us so. Here's how.

 Years after the creation of Adam 
And Adam lived an hundred and thirty years, and begat a son ... and called his name Seth: Genesis 5:3  130
And Seth lived an hundred and five years, and begat Enos. Genesis 5:6  235 
And Enos lived ninety years, and begat Cainan. Genesis 5:9 325 
And Cainan lived seventy years and begat Mahalaleel. Genesis 5:12 395 
And Mahalaleel lived sixty and five years, and begat Jared.Genesis 5:15 460 
And Jared lived an hundred sixty and two years, and he begat Enoch. Genesis 5:18 622 
And Enoch lived sixty and five years, and begat Methuselah: Genesis 5:21 687 
And Methuselah lived an hundred eighty and seven years, and begat Lamech. Genesis 5:25 874 
And Lamech lived an hundred eighty and two years, and begat a son: Genesis 5:28 1056 
And Noah was six hundred years old when the flood of waters was upon the earth. Genesis 7:6 1656 

Okay, so the flood happened 1656 years after the creation of Adam. But how do we know that creation had completed its transformation (evolution?) from kind and gentle to cruel and brutal by the time of the flood?
Well, again the Bible tells us so.
The earth also was corrupt before God, and the earth was filled with violence. And God looked upon the earth, and, behold, it was corrupt; for all flesh had corrupted his way upon the earth. And God said unto Noah, The end of all flesh is come before me; for the earth is filled with violence through them; and, behold, I will destroy them with the earth. Genesis 6:11-13
The whole earth "was filled with violence" (God made it that way), so God had to kill everything on earth to make it less violent. Fair is fair.
So nature was "filled with violence" by the time of the flood. The only question is how did it get that way? Did God re-create it immediately after Adam's fall in a second "there will be blood" creation? Of did it evolve naturally without God's involvement in the 1656 years between fall and flood?
Can some Bible believer clarify this for me?
Posted by Steve Wells at 2/24/2008 05:15:00 PM 28 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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Real men pee standing up
Everybody must get stoned
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 27 March 2008Fitna the movie: Tear out the hateful verses from the Quran.
Everyone on the planet should see this movie.
[March 28 Update: As you will find if you try to view this video, it is no longer available at LiveLink.com. The LiveLink staff have received death threats from peace-loving followers of the Quran. An English version still seems to be available here. But don't wait too long to view it. Most of the world is busy appeasing Islam.
I should also mention that there appear to be a few problems and/or errors in the movie. The cartoon was used without permission (I guess I, too, am now guilty of that) and an individual in the movie might have been misidentified. More information about the movie can be found at Wikipedia.]


Quran verses from the movie (Pickthall translation):
Make ready for them all thou canst of (armed) force and of horses tethered, that thereby ye may dismay the enemy of Allah and your enemy, and others beside them whom ye know not. Quran 8:60
Lo! Those who disbelieve Our revelations, We shall expose them to the Fire. As often as their skins are consumed We shall exchange them for fresh skins that they may taste the torment. Quran 4:56
Now when ye meet in battle those who disbelieve, then it is smiting of the necks until, when ye have routed them, then making fast of bonds ... And those who are slain in the way of Allah, He rendereth not their actions vain. Quran 47:4
They long that ye should disbelieve even as they disbelieve, that ye may be upon a level (with them). So choose not friends from them till they forsake their homes in the way of Allah; if they turn back (to enmity) then take them and kill them wherever ye find them, and choose no friend nor helper from among them. Quran 4:89
And fight them until persecution is no more, and religion is all for Allah. But if they cease, then lo! Allah is Seer of what they do. Quran 8:39
At the end of the movie there are these words:
It is not up to me, but to Muslims themselves to tear out the hateful verses from the Quran.
I agree. I suggest beginning by removing these verses.
The same approach should be taken with the Bible. Here is a similar list from the Bible.
Moderate Christians, Jews, and Muslims (if there are any) ignore these verses anyway. Why not make it official? God did not inspire the cruel, intolerant, and hateful verses from either the Quran or the Bible.
It's time to tear them out of the "Holy Books" -- or just throw the whole books away.
Posted by Steve Wells at 3/27/2008 01:58:00 PM 13 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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24 March 2008BC (Biblically Correct) Tours
Sometimes it's hard to be biblically correct. But these folks try really hard.
Here are some fun quotes.
Narrator: They say Adam and Eve walked with dinosaurs. And there was no such thing as death, not even meat eating animals, until Eve ate fruit from the tree of knowledge. So, for instance, they say that Tyranosaurus rex with those enormous, ripping teeth was designed to eat vegetables.
BC tour guide (pointing at a T. rex): If this creature was designed to eat meat from the very start, what would he have to do until Adam and Eve sinned and death entered the world?
(Tour Guide answers since none of the kids knew the BC answer): Fast and pray until the fall.
Tour Guide: Is that likely?
Tour Guide (not waiting for a response): The answer is, everyone look at me and say, "no".
Tour guide (since the kids didn't respond satisfactorily): Try that with me: "No".
The kids looked confused by all that. I don't blame them.
But they were no more confused than the BC tour guides.
Narrator: Their time line for their 6000 year history is a little hazy.
BC tour guide: For the flood there was a period there where we believe people lived to be 800, 900 years old, almost 1000 years old.
Narrator: So how long was that? How many generations of 800 year old people did we have?
BC tour guide: Without doing the math, I think there's about 6 or 7 generations.
Narrator: In doing the math that would take about 5600 years during which people lived roughly 800 years.
BC tour guide: So from Adam to Noah, I think it's about 1000 years. I could be wrong about that.
The biblically correct answer is 1656 years. (The ABC folks forgot to figure in when the old guys did all that begatting.)
BC tour guide: Is evolution a religion?
Everyone (more or less) answers together: Yes
BC tour guide (pointing to some fossils): What do you see right here?
BC tour guide (not waiting for a response): You're looking at God's judgment of a sinful world. You're looking at the remains of the flood.
Narrator: Why are human and dinosaur remains not found in the same sedimentary layers?
BC tour guide: Okay, there are several problems for the creationist. There's no doubt about that. And one would be that.
BC tour guide: How do we know that God made birds to be birds?
Everyone all together: It says it in the Bible.
(via Pharyngula)
Posted by Steve Wells at 3/24/2008 01:16:00 PM 6 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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21 March 2008Sam Harris: What Barack Obama Could Not (and Should Not) Say
...even a person of the greatest candor and eloquence must still claim to believe the unbelievable in order to have a political career in this country. We may be ready for the audacity of hope. Will we ever be ready for the audacity of reason? Sam Harris
(via Huffington Post)
Posted by Steve Wells at 3/21/2008 10:55:00 AM 0 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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Gay Scientists Isolate Christian Gene
Posted by Steve Wells at 3/21/2008 08:13:00 AM 0 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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PZ Myers expelled from Ben Stein's 'Expelled' movie
But his companion, Richard Dawkins, was allowed in.
I guess they didn't recognize him!
Read all about it in Pharyngula.
Posted by Steve Wells at 3/21/2008 07:29:00 AM 0 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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20 March 2008CNNN: Which bits of the Bible are we still to believe?
CNNN: The issue that's threatening to split the church in two: That's right, the controversy over gay bishops just won't go away. And it's good to see Anglican Archbishop Peter Jensen maintaining the position that he's had for years.
Dr. Peter Jensen: The Bible does forbid us to bless homosexual unions or practicing homosexuals from joining the ministry of the church.
CNNN: Unpopular sure, but he's got something there, I think. The Bible is very clear on this in Leviticus that a man should not lie with another man.
(Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination. Leviticus 18:22)
Oh yes, and who could question Leviticus? Laws like putting to death those that curse their mother and father ...
(For every one that curseth his father or his mother shall be surely put to death: he hath cursed his father or his mother; his blood shall be upon him. Leviticus 20:9)
... are just good old-fashioned common sense. We'd have a whole lot less lip from teenagers if we had more respect for God's word on that one.
But which bits of the Bible are we still to believe? We asked Archbishop Peter Jensen to help us out.
CNNN: I just wanted to congratulate you on returning the church to the Bible.
Dr. Peter Jensen: Very kind of you.
CNNN: I was just wondering Dr. Jensen, do you agree with Exodus 35 that we should put to death those that work on the Sabbath?
(Six days shall work be done, but on the seventh day there shall be to you an holy day, a sabbath of rest to the LORD: whosoever doeth work therein shall be put to death. Exodus 35:2)
Dr. Jensen: Thank you. I always believe that the Bible is the truth and the word of God.
CNNN: So we should put to death those that work on the Sabbath.
Dr. Jensen: Well, no, because you have to read the whole Bible, and when you read the whole Bible you see that that's not true.
CNNN: Where's the part in the Bible that says Exodus is not right?
Dr. Jensen: We don't do that anymore.
CNNN: You're wearing glasses, Dr. Jensen. Doesn't it say in Exodus Leviticus 21:20 that those that have defective sight cannot take the communion of God?
Dr. Jensen: Now you know...
CNNN: Nor dwarfs nor hunchbacks, I think.
Dr. Jensen: Shall we look it up?
CNNN: Sure, you're more than welcome to look it up. Here it is, Leviticus...
Dr. Jensen: You're so good looking.
CNNN: You don't want to say that because a man shouldn't lie with a man like he would a woman, otherwise he's an abomination. That's Leviticus 18 isn't it?
Dr. Jensen: You are obviously well educated. (Begins walking, almost running, away.)
CNNN: I'm seeking more information, Dr. Jensen, as to why is it that Leviticus 18 is still relevant, whereas Leviticus 21, 22, and all these others aren't relevant.
Can you put out a new Bible with the true bits highlighted? I'm just so confused. Which bits do I follow?
Dr. Jensen: (Getting into his car.) I'm very impressed. I do congratulate you.
CNNN: He tried to pick you up I think, Craig?
Yeah, Lucky I had Leviticus to protect me.
Posted by Steve Wells at 3/20/2008 04:30:00 PM 14 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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18 March 2008Obama Speech: 'A More Perfect Union'
If you haven't heard this speech, you should.

Full Text of Speech
Posted by Steve Wells at 3/18/2008 03:21:00 PM 2 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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15 March 2008Hillary Clinton: "I think the whole Bible is real."
Here's what Hillary Clinton said about the Bible in a New York Times interview.
I think the whole Bible is real.
Well, I suppose the Bible is real enough -- whatever that means. But is it true and is it inspired by God? Apparently Hillary thinks it is.
The whole Bible gives you a glimpse of God and God’s desire for a personal relationship, but we can’t possibly understand every way God is communicating with us.
Okay, let's get "a glimpse of God" then by reading the following passage from the "real" whole bible.
"If thy brother, the son of thy mother, or thy son, or thy daughter, or the wife of thy bosom, or thy friend, which is as thine own soul, entice thee secretly, saying, Let us go and serve other gods ... Thou shalt not consent unto him, nor hearken unto him; neither shall thine eye pity him, neither shalt thou spare, neither shalt thou conceal him: But thou shalt surely kill him; thine hand shall be first upon him to put him to death, and afterwards the hand of all the people. And thou shalt stone him with stones, that he die." Deuteronomy 13:6-10
The glimpse I get of God from this passage looks a lot like Anton Chigurh. Not a pretty picture.
But back to the interview.
Q: Is there a favorite book that you return to in the Bible?
Senator Clinton: ...Psalms is always a favorite. It’s both comforting and challenging.
Always a favorite? Comforting and challenging? How about these Psalms, Senator?

He teacheth my hands to war. Psalm 18:34
Blessed be the LORD my strength which teacheth my hands to war, and my fingers to fight. 144:1
He shall judge among the heathen, he shall fill the places with the dead bodies; he shall wound the heads over many countries. 110:6
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth ... let them be as cut in pieces. 58:6-7
The righteous shall rejoice when he seeth the vengeance: he shall wash his feet in the blood of the wicked. 58:10
God shall wound the head of his enemies ... That thy foot may be dipped in the blood of thine enemies, and the tongue of thy dogs in the same. 68:21-23
Happy shall he be, that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the stones. 137:9
Do not I hate them, O LORD, that hate thee? ... I hate them with perfect hatred: I count them mine enemies. 139:21-22
Let burning coals fall upon them: let them be cast into the fire; into deep pits, that they rise not up again. 140:10
Maybe Clinton's love for the Psalms can explain her campaign tactics and her vote for the war in Iraq.
Senator Clinton: There are lots of aspects of Isaiah that I find very intriguing and provocative.
Me too. Here are a few "intriguing and provacative" verses from Isaiah.
As for my people, children are their oppressors, and women rule over them. Isaiah 3:12
Through the wrath of the LORD of hosts is the land darkened, and the people shall be as the fuel of the fire: no man shall spare his brother. And he shall snatch on the right hand, and be hungry; and he shall eat on the left hand, and they shall not be satisfied: they shall eat every man the flesh of his own arm. 9:19-20
For the indignation of the LORD is upon all nations, and his fury upon all their armies: he hath utterly destroyed them, he hath delivered them to the slaughter. Their slain also shall be cast out, and their stink shall come up out of their carcases, and the mountains shall be melted with their blood. 34:2-3
And I will feed them that oppress thee with their own flesh; and they shall be drunken with their own blood, as with sweet wine. 49:26
Maybe all the religious nuts haven't dropped out after all.
Posted by Steve Wells at 3/15/2008 02:29:00 PM 4 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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 23 April 2008Five Golden Hemorrhoids
My last post listed the top ten biblical plagues, one of which involved five golden hemorrhoids. Since that probably bothered a lot of you, I thought I'd tell more about it.
It all started when the Philistines stole the ark of the covenant from the Israelites and brought it to the city of Ashdod. They put the ark in the temple next to their god, Dagon. The next day they found Dagon face-down on the floor. So they put Dagon back up again, but they found him on the floor again the next day with his hands and head cut off. The Bible tells us (1 Samuel 5:5) that no one ever went into that temple again.
But God was just messing around with Dagon. Next he gets down to serious business by striking the people of Ashdod with emerods (hemorrhoids).
But the hand of the LORD was heavy upon them of Ashdod, and he destroyed them, and smote them with emerods. 1 Samuel 5:6
The people of Ashdod figure it's the God of the Israelites that is smiting them with hemorrhoids (who else would do something like that?), so they try to get rid of the damn ark, since God seems so pissed off about it. So they send it to the city of Gath, which didn't work out too well for the Gathites.
The hand of the LORD was against the city with a very great destruction: and he smote the men of the city, both small and great, and they had emerods in their secret parts. 1 Samuel 5:9
And the Gathites packed up the ark and sent it to the next city, Ekron, with much the same result.
There was a deadly destruction throughout all the city; the hand of God was very heavy there. And the men that died not were smitten with the emerods: and the cry of the city went up to heaven. 1 Samuel 5:11-12
Finally, the Philistines ask their priests if they have any ideas. The priests tell them to make five golden hemorrhoids and five golden mice as a trespass offering, put the ark and the trespass offerings in a cart pulled by two cows. Then let the cows go wherever they choose. If they go toward Bethshemesh, then it is God who was striking the people with hemorrhoids in their secret parts.
Since that sounded like such a reasonable plan, that's what they did. And the cows headed straight for Bethshemesh "and turned not aside to the right hand or to the left." So the world now knows for sure that it was God who had killed the Philistines by putting hemorrhoids in their secret parts.
That would have been a happy ending, I suppose, except some of the Bethshemeshites looked into the ark. So God had to kill 50,070 of them. (A God's gotta do what a God's gotta do.)
And he smote the men of Bethshemesh, because they had looked into the ark of the LORD, even he smote of the people fifty thousand and threescore and ten men: and the people lamented, because the LORD had smitten many of the people with a great slaughter. 1 Samuel 6:19
Stories like this can only be found in the Bible.
Posted by Steve Wells at 4/23/2008 08:14:00 PM 8 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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22 April 2008The Top Ten Biblical Plagues
I recently listed the top ten biblical massacres and the ten plagues of Egypt. And although the Egyptian plagues are by far the best known, there are just a sample of the plagues sent by God in the Bible.
Here is my top ten list of plagues. (See here for a more complete list.)

When traveling through Egypt, Abram worried that the Pharaoh couldn't resist hitting on his 70 year old wife, Sarai. So he told Sarai to say she is his sister. Then when the Pharaoh believed the lie and took Sarai into his harem, God sent a plague on the Pharaoh and his household.
And the LORD plagued Pharaoh and his house with great plagues because of Sarai Abram's wife. Genesis 12:17
 God kills all Egyptian firstborn humans and animals.
At midnight the LORD smote all the firstborn in the land of Egypt, from the firstborn of Pharaoh that sat on his throne unto the firstborn of the captive that was in the dungeon; and all the firstborn of cattle. ... and there was a great cry in Egypt; for there was not a house where there was not one dead. Exodus 12:29-30
God tells the sons of Levi (Moses, Aaron, and the other members of their tribe that were "on the Lord's side") to kill their family and friends for dancing naked around Aaron's golden calf. "And there fell of the people that day about 3000 men."
Thus saith the LORD God of Israel, Put every man his sword by his side, and go in and out from gate to gate throughout the camp, and slay every man his brother, and every man his companion, and every man his neighbour. And the children of Levi did according to the word of Moses: and there fell of the people that day about three thousand men ... And the LORD plagued the people, because they made the calf, which Aaron made. Exodus 32:27-35
When the Israelites complained about the lack of food during the Exodus, God sent them quails to eat until it came out their noses. And then, to punish them for whining, "while the flesh was still between their teeth, the Lord smote the people with a very great plague."
Ye have wept in the ears of the LORD, saying, Who shall give us flesh to eat? ... Therefore the LORD will give you flesh, and ye shall eat. Ye shall not eat one day, nor two days, nor five days, neither ten days, nor twenty days; But even a whole month, until it come out at your nostrils, and it be loathsome unto you. ... And there went forth a wind from the LORD, and brought quails from the sea, and let them fall by the camp, as it were a day's journey on this side, and as it were a day's journey on the other side, round about the camp, and as it were two cubits high upon the face of the earth. ... And while the flesh was yet between their teeth, ere it was chewed, the wrath of the LORD was kindled against the people, and the LORD smote the people with a very great plague. Numbers 11:18-33
For complaining (again) about the lack of food and water, God sent "fiery serpents" to bite his chosen people, and many of them died.
And the people spake against God, and against Moses, Wherefore have ye brought us up out of Egypt to die in the wilderness? for there is no bread, neither is there any water; and our soul loatheth this light bread. And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died. Numbers 21:5-6
After God killed Korah, his family, and 250 innocent bystanders, the people complained saying, "ye have killed the people of the Lord." So God, who doesn't take kindly to criticism, sent a plague that killed another 14,700.
All the congregation of the children of Israel murmured against Moses and against Aaron, saying, Ye have killed the people of the LORD. ... And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying, Get you up from among this congregation, that I may consume them as in a moment. And they fell upon their faces ... for there is wrath gone out from the LORD; the plague is begun ... Now they that died in the plague were fourteen thousand and seven hundred, beside them that died about the matter of Korah. Numbers 16:41-50
God sent a plague that killed 24,000 Israelites for "committing whoredom with the daughters of Moab." (The plague was finally stopped when Phinehas speared an Israelite man and his Moabite companion through their bellies.)
And Israel abode in Shittim, and the people began to commit whoredom with the daughters of Moab ... and the anger of the LORD was kindled against Israel. And the LORD said unto Moses, Take all the heads of the people, and hang them up before the LORD against the sun, that the fierce anger of the LORD may be turned away from Israel. And Moses said unto the judges of Israel, Slay ye every one his men that were joined unto Baalpeor. And, behold, one of the children of Israel came and brought unto his brethren a Midianitish woman in the sight of Moses ... And when Phinehas, ... saw it, he rose up from among the congregation, and took a javelin in his hand ... and thrust both of them through, the man of Israel, and the woman through her belly. So the plague was stayed from the children of Israel. And those that died in the plague were twenty and four thousand. Numbers 25:1-9
God killed 50,070 men for looking into the ark. (This was after the Philistines gave God five golden hemorrhoids as a trespass offering. See also Plague #10 below.)
And these are the golden emerods which the Philistines returned for a trespass offering unto the LORD ... And the golden mice ... And he smote the men of Bethshemesh, because they had looked into the ark of the LORD, even he smote of the people fifty thousand and threescore and ten men: and the people lamented, because the LORD had smitten many of the people with a great slaughter. 1 Samuel 6:17-19
God offers David a choice of punishments for having conducted a census (that either God or Satan requested): seven (or three) years of famine, three months fleeing from enemies, or three days of pestilence. David can't decide, so God chooses for him and sends a pestilence, killing 70,000 men (and maybe 200,000 women and children).
And again the anger of the LORD was kindled against Israel, and he moved David against them to say, Go, number Israel and Judah ... And Joab gave up the sum of the number of the people unto the king ... And David's heart smote him after that he had numbered the people ... So Gad came to David, and told him, and said unto him, Shall seven years of famine come unto thee in thy land? or wilt thou flee three months before thine enemies, while they pursue thee? or that there be three days' pestilence in thy land? ... So the LORD sent a pestilence upon Israel from the morning even to the time appointed: and there died of the people from Dan even to Beersheba seventy thousand men. 2 Samuel 24:1-13
God smites the people of Ashdod with hemorrhoids "in their secret parts."
The hand of the LORD was against the city with a very great destruction: and he smote the men of the city, both small and great, and they had emerods in their secret parts ... And the men that died not were smitten with the emerods: and the cry of the city went up to heaven. 1 Samuel 5:9-12
Number 10 is my favorite. Which is yours?
Posted by Steve Wells at 4/22/2008 03:08:00 PM 8 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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21 April 2008Angel sex, giants, and and an 8-fold reduction in the human life span (all in four verses)
Don't you just love how action-packed the Bible is? I do.
Take Genesis 6:1-4, for example. Here are the first two verses:
And it came to pass, when men began to multiply on the face of the earth, and daughters were born unto them, that the sons of God saw the daughters of men that they were fair; and they took them wives of all which they chose. Genesis 6:1-2
How's that for a great story, eh? The sons of God had sex with the daughters of men.
But who were the sons of God, you ask?
Well, it beats the hell out of me. Christians often call Jesus the son of God, but he wouldn't have been one of the guys having sex here, would he? I doubt it. It was probably a bunch of perverted angels. At least that's what most believers seem to think.
Okay, so angels came down and had sex with women. Why would that matter to anyone?
Because that is why God decided to reduce the human lifespan from 900+ to 120 years. The reason no one is older than Edna Parker (who turned 115 yesterday), is that those damned angels had sex with women. At least that's what God seems to say in the very next verse:
And the LORD said, My spirit shall not always strive with man, for that he also is flesh: yet his days shall be an hundred and twenty years. Genesis 6:3
So God reduced the human life span by a factor of 8 because angels had sex with women. (Or because all men are flesh. But that doesn't seem likely -- even for a half-crazed God.)
Oh, there are a couple other things to tell you about: giants and "men of renown". Here's what the Bible has to say.
There were giants in the earth in those days; and also after that, when the sons of God came in unto the daughters of men, and they bare children to them, the same became mighty men which were of old, men of renown. Genesis 6:4
I don't know whether the "mighty men of renown" were giants or what. But I just thought I'd throw that in, since it was just thrown into the Bible.
Posted by Steve Wells at 4/21/2008 12:22:00 PM 55 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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I've Converted To EVERY Religion (Just In Case)
via Cynical-C
Posted by Steve Wells at 4/21/2008 12:02:00 PM 1 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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20 April 2008Happy Birthday Edna (You're still a youngster by biblical standards)
Edna Parker turns 115 today. She is the oldest person alive today, and only 7 and a half years short of the longest confirmed human lifespan. Happy Birthday, Edna. I hope you break all the records!
Yet Edna Parker is just a youngster by biblical standards. Here's a list of bible characters with life spans longer than Edna's.

120 Moses
127 Sarah
133 Kohath
137 Levi
137 Amram
137 Ishmael
140 Job
147 Jacob
148 Nahor
175 Abraham
180 Isaac
205 Terah
229 Serug
239 Peleg
239 Reu
365 Enoch
433 Salah
438 Arphaxad
464 Eber
600 Shem
777 Lamech
895 Mahalaleel
905 Enos
910 Cainan
912 Seth
930 Adam
950 Noah
962 Jared
969 Methuselah
It seems strange that the biblical list includes only one woman (Sarah), since women tend to live longer than men. But women in the Bible are lucky to have names, so it's not surprising that God didn't keep track of their life spans.
The Bible doesn't say why people (well, men anyway) lived so long long ago, or why life spans have decreased so rapidly since then. But I suppose it must be that they had a better health care system back then.
Posted by Steve Wells at 4/20/2008 01:45:00 PM 14 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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16 April 2008The Top Ten Biblical Massacres
And the Spirit of the LORD came mightily upon him ... and he [Samson] found a new jawbone of an ass ... and slew a thousand men therewith. Judges 15:14-15
Today is the sad anniversary of the Virginia Tech massacre, the deadliest school shooting in U.S. history. On 16 April 2007, 32 students were killed and many more wounded before the shooter, Sueng-Hui Cho, committed suicide.
The massacre was one of the worst in U.S. history, but it was small indeed by biblical standards.
Here is a list of massacres from the Bible, in ascending order by the number of victims. The list includes only those with a single killer where the number of victims is specified.
Elisha (with help from God) sent two bears to kill 42 children for making fun of his bald head. 2 Kings 2:22-23
Abimelech killed 69 of his brothers on a stone. Judges 9:5, BT
Doeg the Edomite killed 85 priests and all the men, women, children, infants, oxen, donkeys, and sheep with a sword. 1 Samuel 22:18-19, BT
Elijah (and God) burned to death 102 men. 2 Kings 1:10-12
David killed 200 Philistines to purchase his first wife with their foreskins. 1 Samuel 18:25-27, BT
Abishai killed 300 men with a spear. 2 Samuel 23:18, 1 Chronicles 11:20, BT
The chief of David's captains killed either 300 (1 Chronicles 11:11) or 800 (2 Samuel 23:8) men with a spear. (Sometimes it's hard to correctly count the number of dead bodies in a massacre.)
Elijah killed 450 religious leaders in a prayer contest. 1 Kings 18:22-40
(The total in this massacre may have been 850 if it included the priests of the groves.)
Shamgar killed 600 Philistines with an ox goad. Judges 3:31, BT
Samson killed 1000 men with the jawbone of an ass. Judges 15: 14-15, BT
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Update 1: Forgot the 85 priests that that were killed by Doeg the Edomite. (Thanks Aquaria.)
Update 2: Corrected the confusion between Elijah's massacres. (Thanks David.)
Posted by Steve Wells at 4/16/2008 09:49:00 AM 45 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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09 April 2008Expelled Exposed!

Visit the National Center for Science Education's new website (ExpelledExposed.com) for updates on Ben Stein's latest fiasco.
Posted by Steve Wells at 4/09/2008 01:31:00 PM 1 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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08 April 2008America's favorite book
According to a new Harris poll, America's favorite book is a book most Americans have never read -- the Bible.
Richard Dawkins once famously said that "if you meet somebody who claims not to believe in evolution, that person is ignorant, stupid or insane (or wicked, but I'd rather not consider that)." The same could be said about someone whose favorite book is the Bible.
Of course most people who that say about the Bible have never read it and are therefore ignorant of its contents. But anyone who has actually read the Bible and still considers it her favorite would fall into one of Dawkins' other categories: stupid (consider the absurdities), insane (Have you read Revelation lately?) or wicked (approving of 1 Samuel 15:2-3 among hundreds of other cruelties).
It's time to stop pretending that the Bible is a good book. It isn't. (Except for Ecclesiastes.)
If those of us who have read the Bible stop calling it good, maybe ignorant people who have never read it will stop believing it to be good (their favorite book, even), leaving the Bible to those who could honestly call it their favorite book: the stupid, the insane, and the wicked.

Posted by Steve Wells at 4/08/2008 08:39:00 PM 4 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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04 April 2008'Expelled!' -- and soon to be swimming in a lake of fire
You have to feel sorry for the makers of the 'Expelled!' movie.
First they expel PZ Myers from the 'Expelled' move (while letting Richard Dawkins in), and now they lie about their carefully screened pre-screenings.
Next thing they know they'll be swimming in the lake of fire right along with the unbelievers.
But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone. Revelation 21:8
(Is the devil pointing at Ben Stein?)
Posted by Steve Wells at 4/04/2008 08:29:00 AM 2 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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02 April 2008The worst beasts in Allah's sight
The Quran (24:45) says that all animals were created by Allah. But not all animals were created equal.
Take apes, pigs, and dogs, for example. Here's what the Quran says about them.
And ye know of those of you who broke the Sabbath, how We said unto them: Be ye apes, despised and hated! 2:65
(Worse is the case of him) whom Allah hath cursed, him on whom His wrath hath fallen and of whose sort Allah hath turned some to apes and swine. 5:60
So when they took pride in that which they had been forbidden, We said unto them: Be ye apes despised and loathed! 7:166
Therefor his likeness is as the likeness of a dog: if thou attackest him he panteth with his tongue out, and if thou leavest him he panteth with his tongue out. Such is the likeness of the people who deny Our revelations. 7:176
But there are some things that Allah likes even less than apes, pigs, and dogs.
Lo! the worst of beasts in Allah's sight are the deaf, the dumb, who have no sense [Non-muslims]. 8:22
Lo! the worst of beasts in Allah's sight are the ungrateful who will not believe. 8:55
Lo! those who disbelieve, among the People of the Scripture and the idolaters, will abide in fire of hell. They are the worst of created beings. 98:6
So there you have it. Non-muslims are "the worst beasts in Allah's sight."
Now that you know who (and what) you are, why not join with the Sons (and Daughters) of Apes and Pigs?
Posted by Steve Wells at 4/02/2008 09:11:00 AM 4 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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01 April 2008How could anyone be a Lutheran?
Okay, I admit it. I don't know how any sane, honest, moral person could believe in the Bible, Quran, or Book of Mormon.
But I am even more surprised that anyone could be a Lutheran.
Here's what Martin Luther wrote in On the Jews and their lies:

It serves them [the Jews] right that, rejecting the truth of God, they have to believe instead such abominable, stupid, inane lies, and that instead of the beautiful face of the divine word, they have to look into the devil's black, dark, lying behind, and worship his stench.
...
Now let me commend these Jews sincerely to whoever feels the desire to shelter and feed them, to honor them, to be fleeced, robbed, plundered, defamed, vilified, and cursed by them, and to suffer every evil at their hands -- these venomous serpents and devil's children, who are the most vehement enemies of Christ our Lord and of us all. And if that is not enough, let him stuff them into his mouth, or crawl into their behind and worship this holy object. ... Then he will be a perfect Christian, filled with works of mercy for which Christ will reward him on the day of judgment, together with the Jews in the eternal fire of hell!
...
There is no other explanation for this than the one cited earlier from Moses, namely, that God has struck them with "madness and blindness and confusion of mind." So we are even at fault in not avenging all this innocent blood of our Lord and of the Christians which they shed for three hundred years after the destruction of Jerusalem, and the blood of the children they have shed since then (which still shines forth from their eyes and their skin). We are at fault in not slaying them.
Is there a Lutheran out there who can explain it to me?
Posted by Steve Wells at 4/01/2008 08:31:00 PM 19 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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Who has killed more, Satan or God?
God's Top 50 Killings in the Bible
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David, a man after God's own heart (WWDD?)
The worth of a woman: The Bible vs. the Quran
208 ways to get yourself saved
Real men pee standing up
Everybody must get stoned
Where do evil spirits come from?
What does Jesus have written on his testicles?
Which is more violent, the Bible or the Quran?
Why Christian "Marriage" is Wrong
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 19 May 2008Real men pee standing up
Have you ever wondered why the God of the Bible likes the phrase "piss against the wall" so much? I know I have.
Well wonder no more, because Pastor Steven L Anderson explains it all for you.


Here are some of the good pastor's words in the sermon.
And God says, "A man is someone who pisses against a wall." ... And you say, "Ah, you're being vile." I'm not being vile. God's the one who wrote the Bible.
...
We got pastors that pee sitting down. We got the president of the United States who probably pees sitting down. ... The editors of the NIV pee sitting down. The editors of the New King James all pee sitting down. I'm gonna tell you something. I will never pee sitting down.
So there you have it. According to the Bible, real men pee standing up.
And in case you want to mark them in your Bible, here are the six verses where God uses the phrase "piss against the wall."
So and more also do God unto the enemies of David, if I leave of all that pertain to him by the morning light any that pisseth against the wall. 1 Samuel 25:22
...surely there had not been left unto Nabal by the morning light any that pisseth against the wall.1 Samuel 25:34
Therefore, behold, I will bring evil upon the house of Jeroboam, and will cut off from Jeroboam him that pisseth against the wall... 1 Kings 14:10
... he slew all the house of Baasha: he left him not one that pisseth against a wall, neither of his kinsfolks, nor of his friends.1 Kings 16:11
Behold, I will bring evil upon thee, and will take away thy posterity, and will cut off from Ahab him that pisseth against the wall....1 Kings 21:21
For the whole house of Ahab shall perish: and I will cut off from Ahab him that pisseth against the wall,.... 2 Kings 9:8
Posted by Steve Wells at 5/19/2008 07:55:00 AM 30 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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18 May 2008A sermon for Hillary
Poor Hillary had to sit through a long sermon on adultery this morning. The text was from Matthew 5 verses 27-30.
Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery: But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart. And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell. And if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell. Matthew 5:27-30
I'm sure the sermon was embarrassing for her, for obvious reasons, but that isn't what I want to discuss here. I am more interested in the biblical text itself.
Notice that Jesus says that anyone who looks at a woman with lust has committed adultery, and that it would be better for such a person to pluck out his eye (or cut off his hand if that is somehow involved) to avoid sinning. Because if you pluck out your eye (well you'd probably have to pluck them both out), then you can't commit adultery by looking at a woman. And since Jesus believes that all adulterers go to hell (including those who are "just looking"), wise men will pluck out their eyes. Can't argue with that.
Jesus' reasoning seems pretty clear here. 1) Anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has committed adultery. 2) All adulterers go to hell (which is a really nasty place -- much more unpleasant than plucking out eyes or cutting off hands). 3) Those who pluck their eyes out will never commit adultery by looking at women. Therefore, all men (at least those who might someday look lustfully at a woman) should pluck out their eyes (and maybe cut off their hands just for good measure).
But that's not what really bothers me. It's what Jesus said a few verses before.
Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil. For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled. Matthew 5:17-18
Not one jot or tittle, eh Jesus? Then this law must still apply:
And the man that committeth adultery with another man's wife, even he that committeth adultery with his neighbour's wife, the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death. Leviticus 20:10
So guys, Jesus gives you a choice. Either pluck out your eyes (and maybe cut off you hands) and thereby avoid committing adultery by looking or keep your eyes and hands, commit the inevitable adultery by looking at a woman, be executed for it, and then burn forever in hell. It's up to you.
Fair enough. But what about the woman with whom the man commits "just looking" adultery? Is she guilty of adultery too? Must we execute her also in accordance with Leviticus 10:20? And after we kill her, will she go to hell with the guy who was caught looking at her?
I'm just asking.
Posted by Steve Wells at 5/18/2008 09:25:00 PM 63 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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13 May 2008Einstein on the Bible
What did Albert Einstein think about the Bible? Well, here's what he said a year before he died.
The word god is for me nothing more than the expression and product of human weaknesses, the Bible a collection of honourable, but still primitive legends which are nevertheless pretty childish. No interpretation no matter how subtle can (for me) change this.
Posted by Steve Wells at 5/13/2008 09:14:00 PM 20 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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11 May 2008Mothers are dirty and sinful (according to the Bible anyway)
I know it's an awful thing to say on Mother's Day, and I certainly don't believe it myself. (Honest Mom!) But the God of the Bible does. There's a whole chapter about it in Leviticus. Here's what it says.
And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying, ... If a woman have conceived seed, and born a man child: then she shall be unclean seven days. ... And she shall then continue in the blood of her purifying three and thirty days. ... But if she bear a maid child, then she shall be unclean two weeks, as in her separation: and she shall continue in the blood of her purifying threescore and six days. Leviticus 12:1-5
So the proud, new mother of a baby boy is unclean for a week and must purify herself for 33 days after her son is born. And if the baby is a girl, the mother is twice as dirty; she is unclean for two weeks and must be purified for 66 days after giving birth. (The take-home message here is that, to God, girls are twice as dirty as boys.)
But a new mother is not only dirty to the biblical God; she is sinful, as well. So sinful, in fact, that she must sacrifice a lamb as a burnt offering and a dove as a sin offering (or two doves if she can't find a lamb to kill).
And when the days of her purifying are fulfilled, for a son, or for a daughter, she shall bring a lamb of the first year for a burnt offering, and a young pigeon, or dove, for a sin offering. ... And if she be not able to bring a lamb, then she shall bring two turtles, or two young pigeons; the one for the burnt offering, and the other for a sin offering. Leviticus 12:6-8
Happy Mother's Day (to all you dirty, sinful mothers out there)!
Posted by Steve Wells at 5/11/2008 11:36:00 AM 7 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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08 May 2008Top 50 Bible Stories for kids
Cliff Richard (whoever he is) has come up with his top fifty Bible stories for kids. So I thought I'd list mine.
Here they are (in biblical order, as in Cliff's list). Which is your favorite?

"The serpent ... said unto the woman." Genesis 3:1-5
A clever serpent talks to Eve about trees, death, and the knowledge of good and evil.

"In sorrow thou shalt bring forth children. ... Thy husband ... shall rule over thee." Genesis 3:16
God punishes Eve, and all women after her, with the pains of childbirth and subjection to men.

 "The sons of God came in unto the daughters of men." Genesis 6:2-4
Angels had sex with women producing giant offspring.


 "All flesh died that moved upon the earth." Genesis 7:21-23
God drowned everything that breathes air. From newborn babies to koala bears -- all creatures great and small, the Lord God drowned them all.

 "Noah ... drank of the wine, and was drunken; and he was uncovered within his tent." Genesis 9:20-25
Noah gets drunk and curses his grandson (and all his descendants) because his son saw him naked.

"Behold now, I have two daughters which have not known man; let me, I pray you, bring them out unto you, and do ye to them as is good in your eyes." Genesis 19:1-8
The just and righteous Lot offers his daughters to a sex-crazed mob of angel rapers.

"Thus were both the daughters of Lot with child by their father." Genesis 19:30-38
Lot gets drunk and impregnates his virgin daughters.

 "And Abraham stretched forth his hand, and took the knife to slay his son." Genesis 22:2-13
Abraham shows his willingness to kill his son for God.

"When he went in unto his brother's wife, that he spilled it on the ground." Genesis 38:8-10
God killed Onan for ejaculating outside of a vagina.

 "Bring her forth, and let her be burnt." Genesis 38:13-18
Judah has sex with his daughter-in-law and then orders her to be burned to death.

 "The LORD met him, and sought to kill him." Exodus 4:24
God tries to kill Moses. (It had something to do with foreskins.)


 "The LORD smote all the firstborn in the land of Egypt." Exodus 12:29-30
God kills all the firstborn Egyptian children. "There was not a house where there was not one dead."

 "Thus saith the LORD God of Israel, Put every man his sword by his side, and ... slay every man his brother, and every man his companion, and every man his neighbour." Exodus 32:27-28
God forces the people to kill each other for dancing naked around Aaron's golden calf.

 "And I will take away mine hand, and thou shalt see my back parts." Exodus 33:20-23
God shows Moses his backparts.

 "The sons of Aaron ... offered strange fire before the LORD... And there went out fire from the LORD, and devoured them, and they died before the LORD... And Aaron held his peace." Leviticus 10:1-3
Aaron watched in silence as his sons were burned to death by God.

 "Bring forth him that had cursed out of the camp, and stone him with stones." Leviticus 24:10-23
Moses orders the people to stone to death a man who cursed. "And the children of Israel did as the LORD commanded Moses."

 "When the people complained, it displeased the LORD: and the LORD heard it; and his anger was kindled; and the fire of the LORD burnt among them." Numbers 11:1
God burned people alive for complaining.

 "And while the flesh was yet between their teeth ... the LORD smote the people with a very great plague." Numbers 11:4-33
God sent a great plague on the people for complaining about the food.

 "And Miriam and Aaron spake against Moses... And the anger of the LORD was kindled against them... and, behold, Miriam became leprous, white as snow." Numbers 12:1-10
For criticizing Moses, God gave Miriam leprosy.

 "A man that gathered sticks upon the sabbath day." Numbers 15:32-36
God commands the people to stone to death a man who gathered sticks on the Sabbath.

 "And the earth opened her mouth, and swallowed them up." Numbers 16:20-35
Because of a dispute between Korah and Moses, God has the ground open up and swallow Korah, his companions, "and their wives, and their sons, and their little children."

 "All the congregation of the children of Israel murmured against Moses and against Aaron, saying, Ye have killed the people of the LORD." Numbers 16:41-49
After God killed Korah, his family, and 250 incense burners, the people complained saying, "ye have killed the people of the Lord." So God, who doesn't take kindly to criticism, sent a plague on the people. And "they that died in the plague were 14,700."

 "And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died." Numbers 21:6
For complaining (again) about the lack of food and water, God sent fiery serpents to bite the people, and many of them died.

 "And the LORD opened the mouth of the ass, and she said unto Balaam..." Numbers 22:23-30
Balaam and his donkey have a nice little chat. Apparently, they do this often, since Balaam isn't the least bit surprised when his donkey starts talking to him.

 "Phinehas ... thrust both of them through, the man of Israel, and the woman through her belly. So the plague was stayed from the children of Israel." Numbers 25:1-13
While God is talking to Moses about hanging up dead bodies, one of the Israelite men brings home a foreign woman. When Phinehas (Aaron's grandson) sees the happy couple, he throws a spear "through the man .. and the woman through her belly." This act pleases God so much that "the plague was stayed from the children of Israel." But not before 24,000 had died.

 "Kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman that hath known man by lying with him. But all the women children, that have not known a man by lying with him, keep alive for yourselves." Numbers 31:1-54
Under God's direction, Moses' army defeats the Midianites. They kill all the adult males, but take the women and children captive. When Moses learns that they let some live, he angrily says: "Have you saved all the women alive? Kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman that hath known man by lying with him. But all the women children, that have not known a man by lying with him, keep alive for yourselves."

 "I have a message from God unto thee." Judges 3:15-22
Ehud delivers a "message from God" to the king of Moab: a knife thrust so deeply into the king's belly that it could not be extracted, "and the dirt came out."

 "Then Jael Heber's wife took a nail of the tent, and took an hammer in her hand, and went softly unto him, and smote the nail into his temples, and fastened it into the ground." Judges 4:17-23
Jael offers food and shelter to a traveler (Sisera, Jabin's captain), saying "turn in my Lord ... fear not." Then after giving him a glass of milk and tucking him in, she drives a tent stake through his head.

 "As a dog lappeth" Judges 7:4-7
God picks the men to fight in Gideon's army by the way they drink water. Only those that lap water with their tongues, "as a dog lappeth," shall fight in Gideon's Holy War.

 "At the end of two months, that she returned unto her father, who did with her according to his vow which he had vowed." Judges 11:29-39
Jephthah sacrifices his daughter to God.

 "Samson went and caught three hundred foxes." Judges 15:4-5
Samson catches 300 foxes, ties their tails together, and sets them on fire.

 "The Spirit of the LORD came mightily upon him... And he found a new jawbone of an ass ... and slew a thousand men therewith." Judges 15:14-15
When the spirit of the Lord comes upon Samson, he kills 1000 men with the jawbone of an ass.

 "Behold, here is my daughter a maiden, and his concubine; them I will bring out now, and humble ye them, and do with them what seemeth good unto you." Judges 19:22-30
After taking in a traveling Levite, the host offers his virgin daughter and his guest's concubine to a mob of perverts (who want to have sex with his guest). The mob refuses the daughter, but accepts the concubine and they "abuse her all night." The next morning she crawls back to the doorstep and dies. The Levite puts her dead body on an ass and takes it home. Then he chops the body up into twelve pieces and sends a piece to each of the twelve tribes of Israel.

 "And they had emerods in their secret parts." 1 Samuel 5:6-12
God smites the people of Ashdod with hemorrhoids "in their secret parts."

 "Because they had looked into the ark of the LORD" 1 Samuel 6:19
God kills 50,070 for looking into the ark.


 "And the spirit of God came upon Saul ... and he took a yoke of oxen, and hewed them in pieces, and sent them throughout all the coast of Israel." 1 Samuel 11:6-7
People do the strangest things when the Spirit of God comes upon them.

 "Thus saith the LORD of hosts ... slay both man and woman, infant and suckling, ox and sheep, camel and ass." 1 Samuel 15:2-3
God orders Saul to kill all of the Amalekites: men, women, infants, sucklings, ox, sheep, camels, and asses. Why? Because God remembers what Amalek did hundreds of years ago.

 "And David brought their foreskins, and they gave them in full tale to the king, that he might be the king's son in law. And Saul gave him Michal his daughter to wife." 1 Samuel 18:25-27
David buys his first wife with 200 Philistine foreskins.

 "The child also that is born unto thee shall surely die." 2 Samuel 12:13-18
To punish David for having Uriah killed and causing others to blaspheme, God kills Bathsheba's baby boy.

 "So the LORD sent a pestilence upon Israel ... and there died of the people ... seventy thousand men." 2 Samuel 24:1-15
Because of David's census (which God inspired), Go killed 70,000 men (and probably around 200,000 women and children).

 "And the damsel was very fair, and cherished the king, and ministered to him: but the king knew her not." 1 Kings 1:1-4
Poor old king David could get no heat. So they searched throughout the kingdom for a beautiful virgin. They found one (Abishag), and she "cherished the king, and ministered to him," but he still couldn't get any heat.

"If I be a man of God, then let fire come down from heaven, and consume thee and thy fifty." 2 Kings 1:9-12
Elijah shows that he is "a man of God" by burning 102 men to death. He did the job in two shifts of 51 men each.

"And Elijah said unto them, Take the prophets of Baal; let not one of them escape... and Elijah brought them down to the brook Kishon, and slew them there." 1 Kings 18:22-40
Elijah killed 450 religious leaders in a prayer contest.

"Go up thou bald head." 2 Kings 2:23-24
God sends two bears to rip up 42 little children for making fun of Elisha's bald head.

 "The whole herd of swine ran violently down a steep place into the sea, and perished in the waters." Matthew 8:28-34
The devils ask Jesus to cast them into a herd of pigs. He does, and the poor pigs run off into the sea and drown.

 "For the time of figs was not yet." Mark 11:13
Jesus curses a fig tree for not having fruit (even though it was not the right season for figs).

 "But those mine enemies, which would not that I should reign over them, bring hither, and slay them before me." Luke 19:11-27
Jesus explains in a parable that those who refuse to submit to him will be killed before him.

 "Behold, the feet of them which have buried thy husband are at the door, and shall carry thee out. Then fell she down straightway at his feet, and yielded up the ghost." Acts 5:1-10
Peter scares Ananias and his wife to death for not forking over all of the money that they made when selling their land.

 "The hand of the Lord is upon thee, and thou shalt be blind." Acts 13:8-11
Paul and the Holy Ghost make Elymas (the sorcerer) blind.

 "The angel of the Lord smote him, because he gave not God the glory: and he was eaten of worms, and gave up the ghost." Acts 12:23
The "angel of the Lord" killed Herod by having him "eaten of worms" because "he gave not God the glory."
Posted by Steve Wells at 5/08/2008 09:42:00 PM 17 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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 28 June 2008The Scripture Project: Volunteer Editors Needed
There's something new at the SAB that I want to tell you about.
I've decided to donate the material at the site to Sam Harris' Reason Project. The SAB will still be around, of course, but there will also be a new site, called "The Scripture Project", that will be a collaborative, wiki-style website that will start with the material from the SAB and go from there. I don't know where "there" will be, but it should take it far beyond what one person can do alone.
Which is where you folks come in. The Scripture project needs help in importing and editing material from the SAB. To help out, all you have to do is to go here to sign up.
Posted by Steve Wells at 6/28/2008 01:18:00 PM 6 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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24 June 2008The tokens of virginity: Muslims, honor killings, and the book of Deuteronomy
Where do Muslims get their fruitcake ideas about sex and marriage? Take this recent news story for example.
The annulment of a young Muslim couple’s marriage because the bride was not a virgin has caused anger in France, prompting President Sarkozy’s party to call for a change in the law.
The decision by a court in Lille was condemned by the Government, media, feminists and civil rights organisations after it was reported in a legal journal on Thursday. Patrick Devedjian, leader of the ruling Union for a Popular Movement, said it was unacceptable that the law could be used for religious reasons to repudiate a bride. It must be modified “to put an end to this extremely disturbing situation”, he said.
The case, which had previously gone unreported, involved an engineer in his 30s, named as Mr X, who married Ms Y, a student nurse in her 20s, in 2006. The wedding night party was still under way at the family’s home in Roubaix when the groom came down from the bedroom complaining that his bride was not a virgin. He could not display the blood-stained sheet that is traditionally exhibited as proof of the bride’s “purity”.
Is there something about bloody sheets in the Quran? No, for shit like that you have to go to the Bible.
If any man take a wife, and go in unto her, and hate her, And give occasions of speech against her, and bring up an evil name upon her, and say, I took this woman, and when I came to her, I found her not a maid: Then shall the father of the damsel, and her mother, take and bring forth the tokens of the damsel's virginity unto the elders of the city in the gate: And the damsel's father shall say unto the elders, I gave my daughter unto this man to wife, and he hateth her; And, lo, he hath given occasions of speech against her, saying, I found not thy daughter a maid; and yet these are the tokens of my daughter's virginity. And they shall spread the cloth before the elders of the city. And the elders of that city shall take that man and chastise him; And they shall amerce him in an hundred shekels of silver, and give them unto the father of the damsel, because he hath brought up an evil name upon a virgin of Israel: and she shall be his wife; he may not put her away all his days. But if this thing be true, and the tokens of virginity be not found for the damsel: Then they shall bring out the damsel to the door of her father's house, and the men of her city shall stone her with stones that she die: because she hath wrought folly in Israel, to play the whore in her father's house: so shalt thou put evil away from among you. Deuteronomy 22:13-21
So the groom was just obeying God. Well, almost anyway. According to the Bible, he shouldn't have just had the wedding annulled; he and the men of the city should have stoned his bride to death at the door of her father's house because she had disgraced him, her family and her community. It's a matter of honor -- an honor killing required by the Bible.
As long as these verses remain in the Bible, no Bible believer can complain about Muslim honor killings. The Muslims are just doing what the Bible God commands.
And there couldn't be anything wrong with that, now could there?
Posted by Steve Wells at 6/24/2008 08:22:00 AM 12 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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17 June 2008The Bible and the Quran agree: God and Satan force nonbelievers to disbelieve.
I'm not sure how this works exactly, but it must be true because both the Bible and the Quran say it is: God and Satan force nonbelievers to disbelieve (and then burn them forever in Hell for not believing).
Here's what the Bible says:
God shall send them strong delusion, that they should believe a lie: That they all might be damned. 2 Thessalonians 2:11-12
He [God] hath blinded their eyes, and hardened their heart; that they should not see with their eyes, nor understand with their heart, and be converted, and I should heal them. John 12:40
But if our gospel be hid, it is hid to them that are lost: In whom the god of this world [Satan] hath blinded the minds of them which believe not. 2 Corinthians 4:3-4
And here's the Quran:
As for the Disbelievers, Whether thou warn them or thou warn them not it is all one for them; they believe not. Allah hath sealed their hearing and their hearts, and on their eyes there is a covering. 2:6-7
We have placed upon their hearts veils, lest they should understand, and in their ears a deafness. 6:25
As for him whom He sendeth astray, for them thou wilt find no protecting friends beside Him, and We shall assemble them on the Day of Resurrection on their faces, blind, dumb and deaf; their habitation will be hell; whenever it abateth, We increase the flame for them. That is their reward because they disbelieved Our revelations. 17:97-98
Lo! on their hearts We have placed coverings so that they understand not, and in their ears a deafness. And though thou call them to the guidance, in that case they can never be led aright. 18:57
He [Iblis aka Satan] said: Now, because Thou [Allah aka God] hast sent me astray, verily I shall lurk in ambush for them on Thy Right Path. ... He said: Go forth from hence, degraded, banished. As for such of them as follow thee, surely I will fill hell with all of you. 7:16-18
I [Iblis] verily shall adorn the path of error for them in the earth, and shall mislead them every one, Save such of them as are Thy perfectly devoted slaves. ...for all such, hell will be the promised place. 15:39-43
Isn't it great to see God and Satan working together so nicely on such an important task?
Posted by Steve Wells at 6/17/2008 09:45:00 AM 18 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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10 June 2008People burned to death by God
In a previous post, I asked the question: Is it wrong to burn people to death? From the comments, it is clear that the answer depends upon whether you are a Bible-believer or not. So far no believer has answered the question, whereas every non-believer has answered clearly: It is wrong always and everywhere to burn to death anyone for any reason.
Of course there is a reason believers refuse the answer the question: God likes burning people to death. He sees nothing wrong with it. In fact, he does it himself sometimes. Here are a few examples from the Bible.
 Aaron's sons were caught burning incense without a license, so God burned them to death. (Aaron, the lousy father that he was, just watched and said nothing.)
And Nadab and Abihu, the sons of Aaron, took either of them his censer, and put fire therein, and put incense thereon, and offered strange fire before the LORD, which he commanded them not. And there went out fire from the LORD, and devoured them, and they died before the LORD. Leviticus 10:1-2
The Israelites complained (the Bible doesn't say about what) and God heard it (he had his hearing aid on), so he burned them to death. (What else would any self-respecting God do?).
And when the people complained, it displeased the LORD: and the LORD heard it and his anger was kindled; and the fire of the LORD burnt among them, and consumed them that were in the uttermost parts of the camp." Numbers 11:1

 God burns to death another 250 for burning incense. (What is it about incense that pisses God off? And do the Catholics know about this?)
And there came out a fire from the LORD, and consumed the two hundred and fifty men that offered incense. Numbers 16:35

102 men (in two shifts of 51 each) are burned to death by God to prove that Elijah is a man of God. (Who else could magically burn people to death?)
If I be a man of God, then let fire come down from heaven, and consume thee and thy fifty. And there came down fire from heaven, and consumed him and his fifty. Again also he sent unto him another captain of fifty with his fifty. ... And Elijah answered and said unto them, If I be a man of God, let fire come down from heaven, and consume thee and thy fifty. And the fire of God came down from heaven, and consumed him and his fifty. 2 Kings 1:10-12
So the moral of the story is this: Don't complain, burn incense, or hang around men of God. (Otherwise God might burn you to death, too.)
Posted by Steve Wells at 6/10/2008 05:30:00 PM 25 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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Barack Obama: "Before we get carried away, let's read our bibles."
(Repost with YouTube video)
Here's what Obama said last summer at the "Call to Renewal" conference.
...given the increasing diversity of America's population, the dangers of sectarianism have never been greater. Whatever we once were, we are no longer just a Christian nation; we are also a Jewish nation, a Muslim nation, a Buddhist nation, a Hindu nation, and a nation of nonbelievers.
And even if we did have only Christians in our midst, if we expelled every non-Christian from the United States of America, whose Christianity would we teach in the schools? Would we go with James Dobson's, or Al Sharpton's? Which passages of Scripture should guide our public policy? Should we go with Leviticus, which suggests slavery is ok and that eating shellfish is abomination? How about Deuteronomy, which suggests stoning your child if he strays from the faith? Or should we just stick to the Sermon on the Mount - a passage that is so radical that it's doubtful that our own Defense Department would survive its application? So before we get carried away, let's read our bibles. Folks haven't been reading their bibles. ...
Democracy demands that the religiously motivated translate their concerns into universal, rather than religion-specific, values.
...let me give you an example.
We all know the story of Abraham and Isaac. Abraham is ordered by God to offer up his only son, and without argument, he takes Isaac to the mountaintop, binds him to an altar, and raises his knife, prepared to act as God has commanded.
Of course, in the end God sends down an angel to intercede at the very last minute, and Abraham passes God's test of devotion.
But it's fair to say that if any of us leaving this church saw Abraham on a roof of a building raising his knife, we would, at the very least, call the police and expect the Department of Children and Family Services to take Isaac away from Abraham. We would do so because we do not hear what Abraham hears, do not see what Abraham sees, true as those experiences may be. So the best we can do is act in accordance with those things that we all see, and that we all hear, be it common laws or basic reason.
Posted by Steve Wells at 6/10/2008 08:34:00 AM 14 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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08 June 2008The Creation Story God should have written
Posted by Steve Wells at 6/08/2008 08:25:00 AM 9 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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06 June 2008Is it wrong to burn people to death?

That's an easy question for most of us to answer. It's one of the few things that we can all agree on: it is wrong always and everywhere to burn to death anyone for any reason whatsoever.
But Bible believers aren't so sure about that. It must be OK to burn people to death or God wouldn't have commanded us to do so, as he clearly did in Leviticus 20:14, for example.
And if a man take a wife and her mother, it is wickedness: they shall be burnt with fire, both he and they; that there be no wickedness among you.
Notice that God tells us to burn to death all three: man, wife, and mother-in-law. It may have been the man's idea, but we must burn all three anyway. (Couldn't we try counseling first?)
Is there anyone that really believes this is a good idea? Is there anyone who thinks it was a good idea a few thousand years ago? Will it be a good idea a few thousand years from now?
A god who commands people to burn other people to death is not a good god. This verse alone should be enough show that the Bible was not inspired by a kind and loving god.



Posted by Steve Wells at 6/06/2008 04:54:00 PM 170 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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02 June 2008Top Ten Abominations to God
When the subject of abominations comes up, most people think of homosexuality, because that is one of the few things that God hasn't changed his mind about since he became a born again Christian a couple thousand years ago. God still likes Leviticus 18:22, although he's softened up a bit on Leviticus 20:13.
Here are ten other things that are (or were) abominations to the non-denominational, pre-Christian Bible-God. (In God's favorite order -- biblical!)
Lobsters, shrimp, clams, octopus, and squids
Whatsoever hath no fins nor scales in the waters, that shall be an abomination unto you. Leviticus 11:12
Four-legged fowls
All fowls that creep, going upon all four, shall be an abomination unto you. Leviticus 11:20
Four-footed flying, creeping things
But all other flying creeping things, which have four feet, shall be an abomination unto you. Leviticus 11:23
Whatever crawls on its belly, goes on all four, or has lots of legs
Whatsoever goeth upon the belly, and whatsoever goeth upon all four, or whatsoever hath more feet among all creeping things that creep upon the earth ... are an abomination. Leviticus 11:42
Sacrificing a blemished sheep or goat
Thou shalt not sacrifice unto the LORD thy God any bullock, or sheep, wherein is blemish, or any evilfavouredness: for that is an abomination unto the LORD thy God. Deuteronomy 17:1
Women who wear men's clothing
The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman's garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the LORD thy God. Deuteronomy 22:5
The hire of a whore or the price of a dog
Thou shalt not bring the hire of a whore, or the price of a dog, into the house of the LORD thy God for any vow: for even both these are abomination unto the LORD thy God. Deuteronomy 23:18
Taking back an ex-wife after she's been defiled
(If you get married and then find that you hate your wife because she's unclean or something, go ahead and divorce her and kick her out of your house. After she's gone, if some other guy marries her and also hates her and divorces her, don't take her back as your wife. It really pisses God off. It's an abomination to him.)
When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favour in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house. And when she is departed out of his house, she may go and be another man's wife. And if the latter husband hate her, and write her a bill of divorcement, and giveth it in her hand, and sendeth her out of his house; or if the latter husband die, which took her to be his wife; Her former husband, which sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after that she is defiled; for that is abomination before the LORD. Deuteronomy 24:1-4
The work of a craftsman
Cursed be the man that maketh any graven or molten image, an abomination unto the LORD, the work of the hands of the craftsman.... Deuteronomy 27:15
Whatever people value the most
(Like kindness, wisdom, truth, courage, honesty, love, compassion, beauty?)
That which is highly esteemed among men is abomination in the sight of God. Luke 16:15
Posted by Steve Wells at 6/02/2008 08:30:00 PM 76 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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 27 July 2008Things that are easy for Allah
Some things are especially easy for Allah. Here's Allah's easy list from the Quran.
Making disbelievers' efforts fruitless.
Such have not believed. Therefore Allah maketh their deeds fruitless. And that is easy for Allah. 33:19
Leading disbelievers down the road to hell.
Lo! those who disbelieve and deal in wrong, Allah will never forgive them, neither will He guide them unto a road, Except the road of hell, wherein they will abide for ever. And that is ever easy for Allah. 4:168-9
Casting people into the Fire.
We shall cast him into Fire, and that is ever easy for Allah. 4:30
Doubly punishing Muhammad's wives for lewdness.
O ye wives of the Prophet! Whosoever of you committeth manifest lewdness, the punishment for her will be doubled, and that is easy for Allah. 33:30
Posted by Steve Wells at 7/27/2008 09:48:00 AM 5 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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12 July 2008Kafir girl blogs the Quran (so I don't have to)
I know I've been ignoring the Quran lately, and I feel bad about that.
I've often thought I should just start at the beginning and blog my way through the whole damned thing. But it's such a dreadful book, I just can't make myself do it. But now I don't have to. Kafir girl is doing it for me. (And she's doing a better job than I ever could!)
Now if only the atheist girls would blog the Bible and Book of Mormon...
Posted by Steve Wells at 7/12/2008 03:54:00 PM 2 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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11 July 2008Holding the Holy Host Hostage
For those who haven't heard the whole story, you can read all about it at PZ's blog. But the short story is this: Webster Cook, a student at the University of Central Florida, went to mass to receive the Eucharist, but rather than consummating the communion by swallowing, he took the host out of his mouth and walked off with it. A clear case of Communion Interruptus. Holy Fucking Host, Batman!
Of course something like that doesn't happen without Bill Donohue and the Catholic League finding out about it. (They have video cameras in every Catholic church that League volunteers monitor continuously.) And when they did, all hell broke loose.
Which gives me an idea. Why don't we all go and do likewise? Go to mass, receive communion, and take the Holy Host home as a hostage. (It's easy to do nowadays. You can receive communion in your hand now standing up, rather than on the tongue while kneeling.) Every time we do that we'll be saving Jesus from being eaten alive by his followers (and a kitten from being killed by God).
Of course, I don't know what we can do with all the spare Jesuses. But I guess we could send them to PZ and let him deal with them.
Posted by Steve Wells at 7/11/2008 05:53:00 PM 14 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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02 July 2008Is there anything the God of the Bible could do that a believer wouldn't call good?
I recently asked the question, "Is it wrong to burn people to death?", and although there was a lot of discussion about it in the comments, there was no clear answer from any believer. The best (and pretty much only) answer seemed to be that yes, it is wrong to burn people to death today, but it wasn't wrong back in the day when God told people to do it and did it himself on occasion. You see, back then there were no laws against it and it was an accepted form of punishment. God was just doing and telling others to do what everyone else was doing. What could be wrong with that?
It reminded me of the "answer" given by John Yoo when asked by John Conyers if there was anything the president could not order to be done to a suspect if it was necessary for national defense. When Mr. Yoo refused to answer, Conyers asked, "Could the president order a suspect to be buried alive?" Of course that question wasn't answered either.
So it got me thinking. Is there anything that the God of the Bible could do that a believer wouldn't call good? Could he, for example:
Bury people alive?
Korah, Dathan, and Abiram ... came out, and stood in the door of their tents, and their wives, and their sons, and their little children. And Moses said, Hereby ye shall know that the LORD hath sent me .... If these men die the common death of all men ... then the LORD hath not sent me. But if the LORD make ... the earth open her mouth, and swallow them up, with all that appertain unto them, and they go down quick into the pit; then ye shall understand that these men have provoked the LORD. And it came to pass ... that ... the earth opened her mouth, and swallowed them up.... They, and all that appertained to them, went down alive into the pit, and the earth closed upon them: and they perished from among the congregation. And all Israel that were round about them fled at the cry of them: for they said, Lest the earth swallow us up also. Numbers 16:27-34
Burn people to death?
And there came out a fire from the LORD, and consumed the two hundred and fifty men that offered incense. Numbers 16:35 (See here for more examples.)
Burn people forever after they die (but keep them alive to torture them)?
The same shall drink of the wine of the wrath of God ...he shall be tormented with fire and brimstone ... And the smoke of their torment ascendeth up for ever and ever. Revelation 14:10-11
Force parents to eat their children and friends to eat each other?
And I will cause them to eat the flesh of their sons and the flesh of their daughters, and they shall eat every one the flesh of his friend. Jeremiah 19:9
Force people to kill their brothers and eat themselves?
Through the wrath of the LORD of hosts ... no man shall spare his brother. And he shall snatch on the right hand, and be hungry; and he shall eat on the left hand, and they shall not be satisfied: they shall eat every man the flesh of his own arm. Isaiah 9:19-20
Force people to cut off their noses and women to pluck off their breasts?
And I will set my jealousy against thee, and they shall deal furiously with thee: they shall take away thy nose and thine ears. ... Thou shalt even drink it and suck it out, and thou shalt ... pluck off thine own breasts: for I have spoken it, saith the Lord GOD. Ezekiel 23:25-37
Kill a newborn baby to punish its parents?
Because by this deed thou hast given great occasion to the enemies of the LORD to blaspheme, the child also that is born unto thee shall surely die. 2 Samuel 12:14
Dash little children to pieces and rip up pregnant women?
Samaria shall become desolate; for she hath rebelled against her God: they shall fall by the sword: their infants shall be dashed in pieces, and their women with child shall be ripped up. Hosea 13:16
Cause birth defects and spread dung on peoples' faces?
Behold, I will corrupt your seed and spread dung upon your faces. Malachi 2:3
Order a woman's hand to be cut off "without pity" for touching a man's genitals?
When men strive together one with another, and the wife of the one draweth near for to deliver her husband out of the hand of him that smiteth him, and putteth forth her hand, and taketh him by the secrets: Then thou shalt cut off her hand, thine eye shall not pity her. Deuteronomy 25:11-12
Of course, this is just a sample of what God has done. See here for a more extensive list of biblical cruelties.
Are all of these things good just because God did them? Just like whatever Bush does is legal because he is president?
If there a sane, moral Christian out there, I'd love to hear your response.
Posted by Steve Wells at 7/02/2008 06:40:00 AM 101 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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Real men pee standing up
Everybody must get stoned
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 30 August 2008Bible-based Platforms for Republicans and Democrats
Since both parties are trying so hard to satisfy Bible-believing Christians, I thought I'd suggest a few bible verses to inspire them.
[I know I'm a little late, since the platforms are already available online (Republican, Democratic), but what the heck.]
Economic Policies
R: For whosoever hath, to him shall be given, and he shall have more abundance: but whosoever hath not, from him shall be taken away even that he hath. Matthew 13:12
The wealth of the wicked is stored up for the righteous. Proverbs 13:22 (Thomas Muthee translation)

D: Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute. Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy. Proverbs 31:8-9 (NIV)
The Environment
R: The heavens shall pass away with a great noise, and the elements shall melt with fervent heat, the earth also and the works that are therein shall be burned up. 2 Peter 3:10
(So Sarah Palin is right: Global warming isn't man-made; it's God-made.)
D: And thou shalt have a paddle upon thy weapon; and it shall be, when thou wilt ease thyself abroad, thou shalt dig therewith, and shalt turn back and cover that which cometh from thee: For the LORD thy God walketh in the midst of thy camp... Deuteronomy 23:13-14
(Clean up your own shit. You don't want God to step in it, do you?)
Health Care
R:Is any sick among you? let him call for the elders of the church; and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord: And the prayer of faith shall save the sick, and the Lord shall raise him up. James 5:14-15
(See Faith-based medicine for Republicans)
D: But a certain Samaritan, as he journeyed, came where he was: and when he saw him, he had compassion on him, And went to him, and bound up his wounds, pouring in oil and wine, and set him on his own beast, and brought him to an inn, and took care of him. And on the morrow when he departed, he took out two pence, and gave them to the host, and said unto him, Take care of him; and whatsoever thou spendest more, when I come again, I will repay thee. ... Then said Jesus ... Go, and do thou likewise. Luke 10:33-37
Homosexuality
R: If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them. Leviticus 20:13
D: He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone... John 8:7
Abortion
R: Yea, though they bring forth, yet will I slay even the beloved fruit of their womb. Hosea 9:16
D: If men strive, and hurt a woman with child, so that her fruit depart from her, and yet no mischief follow: he shall be surely punished, according as the woman's husband will lay upon him; and he shall pay as the judges determine. Exodus 21:22
National Defense and Security
R: Beat your plowshares into swords and your pruninghooks into spears. Joel 3:10
D: ...they shall beat their swords into plowshares, and their spears into pruninghooks: nation shall not lift up a sword against nation, neither shall they learn war any more. Micah 4:3
Posted by Steve Wells at 8/30/2008 01:43:00 PM 9 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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29 August 2008Would it be wrong to pray for diarrhea?
Well, not according to the Bible, anyway. Here, for example, is a prayer from the Psalms.
Because that he remembered not to shew mercy, but persecuted the poor and needy man, that he might even slay the broken in heart. As he loved cursing, so let it come unto him: as he delighted not in blessing, so let it be far from him. As he clothed himself with cursing like as with his garment, so let it come into his bowels like water, and like oil into his bones. Psalm 109:16-18
But the Bible-god not only curses bowels, he also, on occasion, messes with them so much that they completely fall out.
Thou shalt have great sickness by disease of thy bowels, until thy bowels fall out. 2 Chronicles 21:15
So praying for diarrhea has a solid Biblical basis. And though the following video is just making fun of Focus on the Family's (failed) prayer for rain on Obama's acceptance speech, it might be worth a try.


Posted by Steve Wells at 8/29/2008 08:56:00 AM 4 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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Focus on the Family proves again that nothing fails like prayer
So Samuel called unto the LORD; and the LORD sent thunder and rain that day. 1 Samuel 12:18
And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive. Matthew 21:22
Jesus said that believers will get whatever they ask for in prayer. And the Old Testament prophet, Samuel, made it rain just by praying. So why were the prayers of thousands of believers unanswered? Why didn't it rain on Obama's acceptance speech?
Because, as everyone who has ever tried it knows, nothing fails like prayer.


Posted by Steve Wells at 8/29/2008 08:33:00 AM 9 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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28 August 2008Whose face do you see on the moth?
Isn't it great? Jesus has returned again -- this time on the back of a moth in east Texas.

But I'm not so sure that it really is Jesus. I mean, aren't those horns on the top of his head? And what about those long, goat-like ears and beard? It looks more like Jesus' little brother Satan to me.
I may be wrong, but I think the species of moth that God selected for Jesus' (or Satan's) image is Eacles imperialis, the imperial moth. It's common in the southern United States and is known for its variable dorsal markings.
But take a look at this one (from Butterflies and Moths of North America). Who do you see on its back?

Now that is not Jesus, folks. It's either Satan or Muhammad -- without fingerprints they're hard to tell apart. (And what are those pigs doing on each side of his head?)
Posted by Steve Wells at 8/28/2008 12:18:00 PM 5 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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20 August 2008Quranet -- Let's pretend the Quran is a good book
(Hey, it works for the Bible, doesn't it?)
One of the 60 projects selected by the Israeli Presidential Conference to honor Israel's 60th year of independence is called Quranet, from which (according to the Israeli Ministry of Foreign Affairs) "every person in the world can find a Quranic answer to his/her educational question."
Here's how it will work. The user will ask a question (or select one from a list) and Quranet will show the answer from the Quran. Here is the question and answer from their SWF demonstration.
Question: What happens when we repay evil with good?
Answer: . . . the one who used to be your enemy, may become your best friend. (Sura Fussilat ayat 34
Well, it worked well for that question, didn't it? See what a great book the Quran is?
But what if someone asks these "educational questions"?
Question: What does the Quran say about Jews?
Answer: They are wretched, selfish, greedy, hateful, evil, treacherous, losers, blind, deaf, perverse, ugly, and have devils for friends. (But other than that they're OK.)
(Quran 2:61, 96; 5:12-13, 53, 59, 70-71; 7:27, 30; 9:30; 62:5)
Question: What will happen to Jews that refuse to convert to Islam?
Answer: They will be cursed by Allah, their faces will be disfigured, their hearts hardened, they will be turned into apes and pigs, and burn forever in hell.
(Quran 2:65-66; 4:47, 160-1; 5:12, 53, 60; 7:166-7; 9:34)
Question: Should Muslims be friends with Jews?
Answer: Absolutely not. If you have any Jewish friends, Allah will consider you one of them. (And you know what happens to them!)
(Quran 3:28, 118; 4:89, 144; 5:51, 55, 57, 80; 9:23; 58:14-15, 22; 60:1, 9)
Question: How should Jews be treated?
Answer: They should be fought and terrorized until they either are killed (with their heads and fingers chopped off) or forced to into submission.
(Quran 2:191-2; 4:89; 8:12-13; 9:5)
But questions like these will not be asked or answered at Quranet, which was designed to hide, rather than reveal, the true nature of the Quran. By selecting only from the good stuff in the Quran, Quranet will try (as the demo says) to "transform the Quran into a modern and useful educational tool" that "creates a bridge between the Islamic world and the West" while revealing "the beauty of the Quran and its respect for human dignity."
It's dishonest, of course. But then it's hard to honest when you're just pretending.
Posted by Steve Wells at 8/20/2008 09:05:00 AM 6 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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08 August 2008Things on which the Bible and Quran agree
In previous posts I've mentioned a few things that the Bible and Quran agree on. But I thought it might be useful to make a list and include them all here. I'll start with ones that I've previously mentioned and go from there. Let me know what I've missed and I'll add them to the list. (To keep it short, I'll just include links to previous posts and to the verses from the Bible and Quran.)
A woman is worth half as much as a man.
Bible Leviticus 27:3-7
Quran 4:11, 4:176, 2:282

Stay away from menstruating women.
Bible Ezekiel 18:5, Leviticus 15:19-30, 18:19, 20:18
Quran 2:222

Women must cover their heads and dress modestly.
Bible 1 Corinthians 11:3-10, Deuteronomy 22:5
Quran 24:31, 33:59

Insects have four legs.
Bible Leviticus 11:22-23
Quran 24:45

God and Satan force non-believers to disbelieve.
Bible 2 Thessalonians 2:11-12, John 12:40, 2 Corinthians 4:3-4
Quran 2:6-7, 6:25, 15:39-43, 7:16-18, 17:97-98, 18:57

Disbelievers should be killed.
Bible Deuteronomy 13:6-15
Quran 2:191, 4:89, 4:91, 9:5

Disbelievers will burn forever in hell.
Bible John 3:18, 36, Mark 9:43-8, Matthew 25:41, Luke 16:22-24, 2 Thessalonians 1:8-9, Revelation 14:10-11, 20:10
Quran 9:73, 66:9

Don't make friends with disbelievers.
Bible 2 Corinthians 6:14-17
Quran 3:28, 4:89, 4:144, 5:51, 60:1, 13

Lot was a just and righteous man.
Bible 2 Peter 2:7-8
Quran 7:80-3, 21:71-5, 27:54-7, 29:26-7, 66:10

God is the creator of evil.
Bible Isaiah 45:7, Amos 3:6
Quran 113:1-2
Posted by Steve Wells at 8/08/2008 11:00:00 AM 4 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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50 reasons to be ashamed (and not a fan) of Jesus
Who has killed more, Satan or God?
God's Top 50 Killings in the Bible
Where do evil spirits come from?
David, a man after God's own heart (WWDD?)
The worth of a woman: The Bible vs. the Quran
208 ways to get yourself saved
Real men pee standing up
Everybody must get stoned
Where do evil spirits come from?
What does Jesus have written on his testicles?
Which is more violent, the Bible or the Quran?
Why Christian "Marriage" is Wrong
Is it wrong to burn people to death?
The Top 50 Bible Stories for kids
Which bits of the Bible are we still to believe?
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 25 September 2008The Palin-McCain Economic Plan: The wealth of the wicked is stored up for the righteous
Here's a quote from Thomas Muthee, Sarah Palin's witch-hunting spiritual guide.
The second area that God wants to penetrate in our society is the economic area. The Bible says that the wealth of the wicked is stored up for the righteous [Proverbs 13:22]. It is high time that we have top Christian business men, business women, bankers ... running the economic affairs of our nation. That's what we are waiting for. That's part and parcel of the transformation.
So that's why Sarah Palin supports the 700 billion dollar bailout! It takes money from the wicked and gives it to all those righteous Christian bankers, just like it says we should do in Proverbs. It is all part of God's plan.
Here's the video. (The quoted portion begins at 1:20. If you watch to the end you can see Muthee free Sarah Palin of witchcraft.)


Posted by Steve Wells at 9/25/2008 08:44:00 AM 1 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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22 September 2008Sarah Palin's Bible-based rape kit
Poor Sarah is in trouble again. This time for charging rape victims up to $1000 for rape kits while she was mayor of Wasilla.
But people should just leave Sarah Palin alone. She was only trying to faithfully apply the Bible's laws on rape. And that's not easy to do in a small town like Wasilla.
You see, the Bible has two laws on rape: one for city rape
If a damsel that is a virgin be betrothed unto an husband, and a man find her in the city, and lie with her; Then ye shall bring them both out unto the gate of that city, and ye shall stone them with stones that they die; the damsel, because she cried not, being in the city. -- Deuteronomy 22:23-24
and one for country rape.
But if a man find a betrothed damsel in the field, and the man force her, and lie with her: then the man only that lay with her shall die. ... For he found her in the field, and the betrothed damsel cried, and there was none to save her. -- Deuteronomy 22:25-27
But which law applies in Wasilla, which is neither city nor country? What do you do with a rape victim in a small town with small town values? Stone her to death for not crying out loudly enough or force her to marry her rapist?
In either case, Sarah Palin's Bible-based rape kit is more likely to include stones or wedding certificates than free medical examinations.
Posted by Steve Wells at 9/22/2008 11:58:00 AM 5 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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18 September 2008The Bible and Islam agree: God hates mice (That includes you, Mickey!)
You've probably heard the news about Mickey Mouse: He's a soldier of Satan that should be killed on sight. Or so said Sheikh Muhammad Munajid, and he should know. I'll let him tell you about it.


So I couldn't help myself. I had to look in the Quran to see what it had to say about mice.
And do you know what I found? Nothing. Nada. The Quran doesn't mention mice. (Although the Hadith does. See here and here.)
But the Bible does. And it agrees with the Sheikh about them.
First of all mice are unclean to God (so they should be to you, too).
These also shall be unclean unto you among the creeping things that creep upon the earth; the weasel, and the mouse.... Leviticus 11:29
It's true, of course, that many animals are unclean to God. But God is especially disgusted by mice. Here's what he said about them in Isaiah.
For, behold, the LORD will come with fire, and with his chariots like a whirlwind, to render his anger with fury, and his rebuke with flames of fire. For by fire and by his sword will the LORD plead with all flesh: and the slain of the LORD shall be many. They that sanctify themselves, and purify themselves in the gardens behind one tree in the midst, eating swine's flesh, and the abomination, and the mouse, shall be consumed together, saith the LORD. Isaiah 66:15-17
So mice and pigs are just about the most disgusting things God can think of. And he's got quite an imagination.
You remember the story about the five golden hemorrhoids, don't you? Well the same story includes five golden mice. No kidding.
What shall be the trespass offering which we shall return to him? They answered, Five golden emerods, and five golden mice ... Wherefore ye shall make images of your emerods, and images of your mice.
...
And they laid the ark of the LORD upon the cart, and the coffer with the mice of gold and the images of their emerods.
...
And these are the golden emerods which the Philistines returned for a trespass offering unto the LORD ... And the golden mice.... 1 Samuel 6:4-18
God told the Philistines to make golden images of his least favorite things: hemorrhoids and mice. You see it was kind of a divine joke. It was really funny to God. (Laugh or he'll give you a disease that will make your bowels fall out.)
Clearly then, God hates mice just as much as Allah, Muhammad, and the Sheikh do.
So you Bible believers should stop laughing at the Muslims and proudly join the Fatwah against Mickey. (Or God may have to give you hemorrhoids in your secret parts.)
Posted by Steve Wells at 9/18/2008 08:54:00 AM 11 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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16 September 2008The only book Mariah Carey has ever read . . .
... is the Bible.

And here is one of her favorite verses. (From the song "I wish you well")
Judgments are prepared for scorners, and stripes for the back of fools. Proverbs 19:29
Has she come out for McCain and Palin yet?
(Maybe she'd let them use "I'll be lovin' U long time" as their theme song.)
Posted by Steve Wells at 9/16/2008 08:54:00 PM 11 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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12 September 2008Victoria Jackson: Vote for John McCain and Sarah Palin or God will force you to eat your children
The (batshit crazy) celebrities are starting to line up for John McCain, now that Sarah Palin has joined the ticket. Here, for example, is what Victoria Jackson (former SNL cast member) says on her home page:
Thank you God above for giving us George W. Bush, and for giving us John McCain and Sarah Palin.
Why am I voting for the fantastic McCain/Palin ticket? Simply because my "world view" is based on the belief that The Bible is the inerrant, holy, Word of God....
You see, Obama just isn't Christian enough for Victoria Jackson. Here's her advice for him:
Obama, call me. I'll explain Christianity to you.
Maybe you'll get saved and start loving unborn babies.
Maybe, but probably not, since he looks a lot like the Anti-Christ.
I don't want a political label, but Obama bears traits that resemble the anti- Christ...
But the part I like best is when she explains Leviticus to us.
I was reading the other day in Leviticus 26:3-13, and Leviticus 26:14-25 and on, where God was warning the Israelites to obey him. In Lev. 26:14-16 it even says, "...if you despise my statutes...I will even appoint terror over you." I couldn't help but see a parallel to our country which was founded on the God of Abraham, Issac and Jacob.
See what Obama could learn by calling Ms. Jackson? Terrorists are just God's way of punishing us for not loving him enough. It's all spelled out in Leviticus 26.
But if ye will not hearken unto me, and will not do all these commandments; And if ye shall despise my statutes, or if your soul abhor my judgments, so that ye will not do all my commandments, but that ye break my covenant: I also will do this unto you; I will even appoint over you terror, consumption, and the burning ague, that shall consume the eyes, and cause sorrow of heart: and ye shall sow your seed in vain, for your enemies shall eat it. Leviticus 26:14-16
Listen up, America! If you don't elect John McCain and Sarah Palin, God will "appoint terror" over you and feed your children to the terrorists. (And if wasn't for George Bush keeping your sorry ass safe the last 7 years, your eyes would be rotting in their sockets and some Muslim would be chewing on your kid right now.)
But that's not the worst of it. As Victoria notes on her homepage, God's plans in Leviticus 26 go on and on and on. Elect McCain and Palin or:

Ye shall be slain before your enemies. Leviticus 26:17
They that hate you shall reign over you. 26:17
I will punish you seven times more for your sins. 26:18
I will bring seven times more plagues upon you according to your sins. 26:21
I will also send wild beasts among you, which shall rob you of your children. 26:22
Then ... I... will punish you yet seven times for your sins. (That makes 24 or so, I've lost count. Ask Victoria.) 26:24
And I will bring a sword upon you. 26:25
I will send the pestilence among you. 26:25
Ye shall be delivered into the hand of the enemy. 26:25
And when I have broken the staff of your bread, ten women shall bake your bread in one oven, and they shall deliver you your bread again by weight: and ye shall eat, and not be satisfied. (I'm not sure what this means. But it sounds serious.) 26:26
I will walk contrary unto you also in fury; and I, even I, will chastise you seven times for your sins. (That makes 35, I think.) 26:26
And ye shall eat the flesh of your sons, and the flesh of your daughters shall ye eat. 26:27
So for the sake of your children, elect John McCain and Sarah Palin. Otherwise God will force you to eat them (your chldren, that is, not John and Sarah).
Posted by Steve Wells at 9/12/2008 08:35:00 AM 22 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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10 September 2008I guess I'm famous now
Yup, Yup. (And I'm also totally ready to be president.)
To be honest, I'd never heard of Nontheist Nexus before -- before they asked me for an interview, anyway.
Last year it was Playboy, now this. Just like Sarah Palin, I'm definitely going up in the world.

Posted by Steve Wells at 9/10/2008 09:21:00 AM 1 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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09 September 2008Unfortunately, Barack, they are that stupid
Most of them, anyway -- and that's all it takes to win an election.
How stupid are Americans, you ask? Well, more than half believe in the literal truth of a book they've never read -- the Bible. It's their favorite book.
I think Sarah Palin will clinch the election for McCain. She's good looking and she believes stupid things. What more could a stupid person ask for?
Posted by Steve Wells at 9/09/2008 09:50:00 AM 4 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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07 September 2008Sarah Palin: A modern day Esther gone wild
Soon after becoming the governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin asked her former pastor (Paul Riley of the Wasilla Assembly of God) to suggest a woman from the Bible that she should emulate. Pastor Riley suggested Esther, and the governor took his advice and hasn't looked back since.
Of course there aren't many good examples for women in the Bible. Women are seldom mentioned, and when they are they are seldom named, and when they're named they seldom do anything except have men come in unto them, after which they get pregnant and deliver baby boys, unless God has closed up their wombs for one reason or another.
But the good pastor chose Esther and it's spooky how much Palin resembles her.    

(OK, the hair is a little different and Esther didn't wear glasses, but otherwise it's a match.)
And the similarity goes way beyond looks. Here's the story of the biblical Esther.
King Ahasuerus throws a party and encourages his guests to drink to excess. Then, when they are all drunk, he orders Queen Vashti to show her stuff before him and his guests. Esther 1:7-11
Vashti refuses to entertain the king's drunken guests by dancing before them. For this she is no longer to be queen, to be replaced by someone better (prettier). 1:12-19
Because of Vashti's disobedience, the king decrees that "all the wives shall give to their husbands honor, both the great and the small" and "that every man should bear rule over his own house." 1:20-22
So "all the fair young virgins" throughout the kingdom are brought before the king, and the one that "pleaseth" the king the most will replace Vashti. 2:2-4
When it was Esther turn to "go in unto the king," she pleases him the most. So, having won the sex contest, she is made queen in Vashti's place. 2:8-17
Now I ask you, what does that story remind you of? Of course! The Republican National Convention in St. Paul.
John McCain was king and Sarah Palin was Esther. But who was Vashti, the real heroine of the story?
Rudy Giuliani, perhaps?

Nah, Rudy would have gladly danced naked if John McCain had just asked. (He was certainly willing to lie for him.)
For a more serious and thorough analysis of the Palin/Esther connection, see here.
Posted by Steve Wells at 9/07/2008 12:40:00 PM 5 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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 23 October 2008What the Bible says about Sarah Palin's new clothes
Everyone's talking about Sarah's new clothes. But what does the Bible say about them?
Well, here is what the Old Testament says:
"Thou shalt not wear a garment of divers sorts, as of woollen and linen together. Deuteronomy 22:11
I will punish ... all such as are clothed with strange apparel. Zephaniah 1:8
I don't know whether Sarah's clothes were made of blended fabrics or if God considers them strange. Someone should check into that.
But the big problem comes from the New Testament. Here's what it has to say:
Women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with braided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array. 1 Timothy 2:9
Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel. 1 Peter 3:3
So costly apparel is out -- for women, anyway. I think even God might consider $150,000 costly.
And lastly we should ask, what would Jesus wear?
And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin: And yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. ... Therefore take no thought, saying, ... Wherewithal shall we be clothed? Matthew 6:28-32
So if Sarah cares about what Jesus said, she should either wear anything -- or nothing at all. Just like the lilies.
Posted by Steve Wells at 10/23/2008 09:43:00 AM 8 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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22 October 2008Why should you pray for Sarah Palin?
All you prayer warriors out there want to know, I betcha.
Well, PrayForSarahPalin.com has the answer for ya.
In Ephesians 6:14-18, the apostle Paul warns: A final word: Be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on all of God's armor so you will be able to stand firm against all strategies of the devil. For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against might powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places. Therefore, put on every piece of God's armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will be standing firm.
OK, now you should understand. (Even though they got the verse numbers wrong. It's Ephesians 6:10-13).
You should pray because you are fighting on God's side and God is on Sarah Palin's side. Barck Obama is "of the devil". He and Joe Biden are not "flesh-and-blood enemies" but rather "evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world" and "mighty powers" of the "dark (black) world." They are allied with "evil spirits" in high places (like Washington and New York). This is the final battle "in the time of evil." You must "stand firm" by voting for Sarah Palin (and old what's his name).
Posted by Steve Wells at 10/22/2008 12:17:00 PM 4 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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Sarah feels the power of the prayer warriors
I can feel the power of prayer, and that strength that is provided through our prayer warriors across this nation.
That was Sarah Palin in a Focus on the Family interview with James Dobson. You can listen to it here.
If you want to be one of Sarah Palin's prayer warriors, you can go to PrayForSarahPalin.com and sign up. They are tying to get at least one Palin prayer warrior in each zipcode. (So far they have 3665! Yipee! But since there are a total of about 43,000, they still have a way to go. God will need more than 8.5% of the zip codes represented for him to intervene by rigging the election.)
You'd think that Focus on the Family would have learned by now. Remember when they prayed for God to send rain on Obama's acceptance speech?
Nothing fails like prayer.
Posted by Steve Wells at 10/22/2008 11:00:00 AM 0 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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21 October 2008The Bible's guide to abortion
I don't know how I missed this before, but I did. There is a biblical way of having an abortion. A method that is not only approved by God, it was invented by him. He describes it himself in the book of Numbers (5:11-31).
It's a bit long and complicated, so I'll break it up for you.
And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying ... If any man's wife go aside, and commit a trespass against him, And a man lie with her carnally, and it be hid from the eyes of her husband, and be kept close, and she be defiled, and there be no witness against her, neither she be taken with the manner; Numbers 5:11-13
The first thing to notice is the context. This procedure is only intended for married couples, specifically for any man that suspects that his wife has been messing around. No proof is necessary; suspicion alone is sufficient to God.
Then shall the man bring his wife unto the priest, and he shall bring her offering for her, the tenth part of an ephah of barley meal; he shall pour no oil upon it, nor put frankincense thereon ... And the priest shall take holy water in an earthen vessel; and of the dust that is in the floor of the tabernacle the priest shall take, and put it into the water ... And the priest shall set the woman before the LORD ... and the priest shall have in his hand the bitter water that causeth the curse.... (5:15-18)
OK, I am leaving some of the details out here, so if you're going to try this at home, make sure to follow God's instructions exactly. There's no guarantee any of this will work otherwise.
And the priest shall charge her by an oath, and say unto the woman, If no man have lain with thee, and if thou hast not gone aside to uncleanness with another instead of thy husband, be thou free from this bitter water that causeth the curse: But if thou hast gone aside to another instead of thy husband, and if thou be defiled, and some man have lain with thee beside thine husband: Then the priest shall charge the woman with an oath of cursing, and the priest shall say unto the woman, The LORD make thee a curse and an oath among thy people, when the LORD doth make thy thigh to rot, and thy belly to swell; And this water that causeth the curse shall go into thy bowels, to make thy belly to swell, and thy thigh to rot: And the woman shall say, Amen, amen. 5:19-22
This is the part that fooled me. I get the idea that if the woman has been unfaithful, then the magic bitter water will do something awful to her. But I wasn't sure just what. What does it mean to have your belly swell and your thigh rot? But then I saw the footnote in the NIV that said it meant this: "cause you to be barren and have a miscarrying womb."
So if the woman is guilty (had sex with someone besides her husband), then the bitter water will make her unable to have children in the future. And if she is pregnant at the time, it will abort the pregnancy.
And when he hath made her to drink the water, then it shall come to pass, that, if she be defiled, and have done trespass against her husband, that the water that causeth the curse shall enter into her, and become bitter, and her belly shall swell, and her thigh shall rot: and the woman shall be a curse among her people. And if the woman be not defiled, but be clean; then she shall be free, and shall conceive seed. This is the law of jealousies, when a wife goeth aside to another instead of her husband, and is defiled; Or when the spirit of jealousy cometh upon him, and he be jealous over his wife, and shall set the woman before the LORD, and the priest shall execute upon her all this law. Then shall the man be guiltless from iniquity, and this woman shall bear her iniquity.5:27-31
It's all part of God's wondrous Law of Jealousies. God's magical abortion procedure. A priest, some bitter water, and a wife that you think might have been unfaithful. Priceless. So if God has his own abortion procedure, abortion can't be wrong, right?
Posted by Steve Wells at 10/21/2008 09:05:00 AM 28 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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05 October 2008Hey Sarah: God hates winkers

Don't you just hate it when Sarah Palin winks? Me too.
And so does the God of the Bible.
(Every time Sarah Palin winks, God kills a kitten. -- Lola-Cola)
Here's what the Bible says about it:
A naughty person, a wicked man [or woman], walketh with a froward mouth. He winketh with his eyes ... he deviseth mischief continually; he soweth discord. Therefore shall his calamity come suddenly; suddenly shall he be broken without remedy. Proverbs 6:12-15
He [or she] that winketh with the eye causeth sorrow: but a prating fool shall fall. Proverbs 10:10
Is that a prophecy? You Betcha! Sarah Palin is a winking fool that causes sorrow and discord wherever she goes.
So hopefully, she and McCain will fall on November 4 -- in fulfillment of the Bible's prophecy.
Posted by Steve Wells at 10/05/2008 06:22:00 PM 6 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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 10 November 2008God on Trial: The Rabbi Speaks
Rabbi Akiba: Who led us out of Egypt?
Judge: God led us out of Egypt.
Rabbi: I have a question. Why were we in Egypt to start with?
Judge: There was a famine, so we took shelter.
Rabbi: Who sent the famine?
Judge: Well we don't know much about the famine...
Rabbi: God sent the famine. So God sent us to Egypt and God took us out of Egypt.
Judge: And later he sent us out of Babylon in order that we might...
Rabbi: And when he brought us out of Egypt, how did he do it? By words, vision, miracle?
Judge: Moses asked Pharaoh...
Rabbi: And when Pharaoh said no?
Inmate: The plagues.
Rabbi: First Moses turned the Egyptians' water to blood. Then God sent the plague of frogs; next a plague of mosquitoes; then a plague of flies. Then he slew their livestock. Next a plague of boils. Next came the hail, which battered down the crops and even the trees and structures everywhere, except in Goshen where the Israelites lived.
Judge: But still Pharaoh did not agree.
Rabbi: And so a plague of locusts, and then the days of darkness, and finally what?
Judge: God slew the firstborn of Egypt and led us out of Egypt.
Rabbi: He struck down the firstborn, from the firstborn and heir of Pharaoh to the firstborn of the slave at the mill. He slew them all. Did he slay Pharaoh?
Judge: No, I don't think so. It was later.
Rabbi: It was Pharaoh that said no, but God let him live. And slew his children instead. All the children. And then the people made their escape taking with them the gold and silver and jewelry and garments of the Egyptians. And then God drowned the soldiers who pursued them. He did not close the waters up so that the soldier could not follow. He waited until they were following and then he closed the waters. And then what?
Judge: And then the desert and ultimately the promised land.
Rabbi: No. The promised land was empty and a new place, uncultivated.
Judge: No. There were...
Rabbi: When the Lord thy God shall bring you into the promised land you shall cast out many nations before you, nations much greater and mightier than you are. You shall smite them and utterly destroy them. Make no covenant with them and show no mercy to them.
Inmate: It shows us his favor. We are his people.
Rabbi: And he gave us a king in Saul. Now when the people of Amalek fought Saul's people, what did the Lord God command? I'll ask the scholar.
Scholar: Crush Amalek and put him under the curse of destruction.
Rabbi: Was Saul to show any mercy to spare anyone?
Scholar: Do not spare...
Rabbi: Do not spare him, but kill. Kill man, woman, babe, and suckling, ox, and sheep, cattle and donkey. So Saul set out to do this and on the way he met some Kenites. Now these were not Amalek's people, he had no quarrel with them. He urged them to flee. And the Lord our God was he pleased by the mercy of Saul, by the justice of Saul?
Scholar: No. No he wasn't.
Rabbi: And when Saul decided not to slaughter all the livestock and to take it to feed his people, was God pleased with his prudence, his charity?
Scholar: No.
Rabbi: No, he was not. He said, you have rejected the word of Adonai, therefore he has rejected you as king. And then to please the Lord our God, Samuel brought forth the king Agar and hacked him to pieces before the Lord at Gilgar.
After Saul there came David who took Bathsheba the wife of Uriah the Hittite to himself after arranging to have Uriah killed -- against the wishes of God. Did God strike David for this?
Scholar: In a manner of speaking...
Rabbi: Did he strike Bathsheba?
Scholar: In the sense that when they had...
Rabbi: Adonai said, since you have sinned against me, the child will die. (Turning to the judge) You asked earlier, who would punish a child? God does.
Rabbi: Now did the child die suddenly, mercifully, without pain?
Scholar: In a...
Rabbi: Seven days. Seven days that child spent dying in pain while David wrapped himself in sack and ashes and fasted and sought to show his sorrow to God. Did God listen?
Scholar: The child died.
Rabbi: Did that child find that God was just?
Did the Amalekites think that Adonai was just?
Did the mothers of Egypt -- the mothers -- did they think that Adonai was just?
Scholar: But Adonai is our God, surely...
Rabbi: Oh, what? Did God not make the Egyptians? Did he not make their rivers and make their crops grow? If not him, then who? What? Some other God? But what did he make them for? To punish them? To starve, to frighten, to slaughter them? The people of Amalek, the people of Egypt, what was it like for them when Adonai turned against them? It was like this.
Today there was a selection, yes? When David defeated the Moabites, what did he do?
Judge: He made them lie on the ground in lines and he chose one to live and two to die.
Rabbi: We have become the Moabites. We are learning how it was for the Amalekites. They faced extinction at the hand of Adonai. They died for his purpose. They fell as we are falling. They were afraid as we are afraid. And what did they learn? They learned that Adonai, the Lord our God, our God, is not good. He is not good. He was not ever good. He was only on our side.
God is not good. At the beginning when he repented that he had made human beings and flooded the earth. Why? What had they done to deserve annihilation? What could they have done to deserve such wholesale slaughter? What could they have done that was so bad? God is not good.
When he asked Abraham to sacrifice his son, Abraham should have said no. We should have taught our God the justice that was in our hearts. We should have stood up to him. He is not good. He has simply been strong. He has simply been on our side.
When we were brought here, we were brought by train. A guard slapped my face. On their belts they had written "Got mit uns" -- God is with us. Who is to say that he is not? Perhaps he is. Is there any other explanation? What we see here: his power, his majesty, his might, all these things that turned against us. He is still God, but not our God. He has become our enemy.
That is what's happened to our covenant. He has made a new covenant with someone else.
Posted by Steve Wells at 11/10/2008 09:12:00 PM 15 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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God on Trial
Did you see "God on Trial" last night on PBS? If not, you can still watch it (sort of) online here. (Though if your computer is as slow as mine, the video can't keep up with the audio.)
I thought it was superb. Every aspect of the issue was fully developed and presented during the play. If anyone can find the script somewhere online, I'd love to have it. Otherwise I'll just have to transcribe portions of the trial myself so that I can present it here.
Posted by Steve Wells at 11/10/2008 08:26:00 PM 2 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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05 November 2008The Seven Wonders of the Book of Mormon
OK, it's finally over. Sarah Palin has returned to Alaska and Barack Obama is our new president. I feel like a born again American.
So I'm in the mood for something completely different. How about something from the Book of Mormon?
Although you may have missed it, Donald Parry, a BYU professor, said at a recent Book of Mormon Lands Conference that the Book of Mormon is filled with "wonder upon wonder upon wonder." Here is his list of the seven wonders of the Book of Mormon.
But I think he left out the most wonderful wonders of all. Here is my list.
The night before Jesus was born was as bright as day everywhere on earth.
And it came to pass that ... the voice of the Lord came unto him, saying ... the time is at hand, and on this night shall the sign be given, and on the morrow come I into the world ... It came to pass that ... behold, at the going down of the sun there was no darkness ... when the night came. ... [A]ll the people upon the face of the whole earth from the west to the east, both in the land north and in the land south, were so exceedingly astonished that they fell to the earth. ... It came to pass that there was no darkness in all that night, but it was as light as though it was mid-day. It came to pass that the sun did rise in the morning again, according to its proper order; and they knew that it was the day that the Lord should be born, because of the sign which had been given. 3 Nephi 1:12-19
For three days after Jesus died there was absolutely no light anywhere on earth -- not from the sun, moon, stars, candles, or campfires.
This was prophesied in 6 BCE by a North American prophet. How amazing is that?
And now it came to pass that Samuel, the Lamanite, did prophesy ... behold, as I said unto you concerning another sign, a sign of his death, behold, in that day that he shall suffer death the sun shall be darkened and refuse to give his light unto you; and also the moon and the stars; and there shall be no light upon the face of this land, even from the time that he shall suffer death, for the space of three days. Helaman 14:1, 20
And then in 34 CE it happened just like it was supposed to!
And the people began to look with great earnestness for the sign which had been given by the prophet Samuel, the Lamanite, yea, for the time that there should be darkness for the space of three days over the face of the land ... ... It came to pass that there was thick darkness upon all the face of the land.... And there could be no light, because of the darkness, neither candles, neither torches; neither could there be fire kindled ... And there was not any light seen, neither fire, nor glimmer, neither the sun, nor the moon, nor the stars. 3 Nephi 8:3, 20-22
When Jesus died, the entire earth was deformed. Cities sunk into the sea and the inhabitants were drowned. Other cities were burned or destroyed by earthquakes. Highways were broken up and many people were carried away by whirlwinds.
And now it came to pass that Samuel, the Lamanite, did prophesy ... But behold, as I said unto you concerning another sign, a sign of his death ... And behold, there shall be great tempests, and there shall be many mountains laid low, like unto a valley, and there shall be many places which are now called valleys which shall become mountains, whose height is great. ... And many highways shall be broken up, and many cities shall become desolate. Helaman 14:1, 20, 23-25
And there was also a great and terrible tempest; and there was terrible thunder, insomuch that it did shake the whole earth as if it was about to divide asunder ... And the city of Zarahemla did take fire. And the city of Moroni did sink into the depths of the sea, and the inhabitants thereof were drowned. And the earth was carried up upon the city of Moronihah that in the place of the city there became a great mountain. ... And many great and notable cities were sunk, and many were burned, and many were shaken till the buildings thereof had fallen to the earth, and the inhabitants thereof were slain, and the places were left desolate. ... And thus the face of the whole earth became deformed, because of the tempests, and the thunderings, and the lightnings, and the quaking of the earth. 3 Nephi 8:6-17
A voice from the sky was heard by every person on earth. (It was the voice of Jesus bragging about burning and drowning entire cities.)
It came to pass that there was a voice heard among all the inhabitants of the earth, upon all the face of this land, crying: Wo, wo, wo unto this people; wo unto the inhabitants of the whole earth except they shall repent; for the devil laugheth, and his angels rejoice, because of the slain of the fair sons and daughters of my people; ... Behold, that great city Zarahemla have I burned with fire, and the inhabitants thereof. And behold, that great city Moroni have I caused to be sunk in the depths of the sea, and the inhabitants thereof to be drowned. that great city Moronihah have I covered with earth, and the inhabitants thereof ... And behold, the city of Gilgal have I caused to be sunk, and the inhabitants thereof to be buried up in the depths of the earth; Yea, and the city of Onihah and the inhabitants thereof, and the city of Mocum and the inhabitants thereof, and the city of Jerusalem and the inhabitants thereof; and waters have I caused to come up in the stead thereof, ... And behold, the city of Gadiandi, and the city of Gadiomnah, and the city of Jacob, and the city of Gimgimno, all these have I caused to be sunk, and made hills and valleys in the places thereof; and the inhabitants thereof have I buried up in the depths of the earth ... And behold, that great city Jacobugath, which was inhabited by the people of king Jacob, have I caused to be burned with fire ... And behold, the city of Laman, and the city of Josh, and the city of Gad, and the city of Kishkumen, have I caused to be burned with fire, and the inhabitants thereof ... And many great destructions have I caused to come upon this land, and upon this people ... Behold, I am Jesus Christ the Son of God.... 3 Nephi 9:1-15
(See 3 Nephi 10:3-6 and 11:3-51 for two other long speeches that Jesus delivered with his sky voice.)
God darkens people's skin to punish them for being evil and to separate them from the good (white) people.
And he had caused the cursing to come upon them, yea, even a sore cursing, because of their iniquity ... wherefore, as they were white, and exceedingly fair and delightsome, that they might not be enticing unto my people the Lord God did cause a skin of blackness to come upon them. And thus saith the Lord God: I will cause that they shall be loathsome unto thy people. 2 Nephi 5:21-22
God sometimes makes especially well-behaved dark-skinned people white and delightsome again!
It came to pass that those Lamanites who had united with the Nephites were numbered among the Nephites; And their curse was taken from them, and their skin became white like unto the Nephites; And their young men and their daughters became exceedingly fair, and they were numbered among the Nephites. 3 Nephi 2:14-16
Jesus made the already white skin of the Nephites ever whiter so that they became as white as he was, whiter than anything else on earth.
It came to pass that Jesus blessed them as they did pray unto him; and his countenance did smile upon them, and the light of his countenance did shine upon them, and behold they were as white as the countenance and also the garments of Jesus; and behold the whiteness thereof did exceed all the whiteness, yea, even there could be nothing upon earth so white as the whiteness thereof ... And when Jesus had spoken these words he came again unto his disciples ... and behold they were white, even as Jesus. 3 Nephi 19:25-30
Posted by Steve Wells at 11/05/2008 10:31:00 AM 5 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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 23 December 2008The Green Bible: An excerise in dishonesty
Have you seen "The Green Bible"? Well if not, you really should take a look. You won't find a more dishonest book anywhere. 
It was published a few months ago and I recently found a copy in the public library. Its approach is simple: highlight in green all passages that provide God's instructions about caring for the environment.
I don't have time to go through all of the passages that are marked green in the Green Bible (there are over 1,000), so I thought I'd just pick one of the Bible's books and go through that. I chose Revelation.
There are 41 "green" passages in Revelation. Here they are.
And from Jesus Christ, who is the faithful witness, and the first begotten of the dead, and the prince of the kings of the earth. Unto him that loved us, and washed us from our sins in his own blood. Revelation 1:5-7
(Protect the environment by washing it in Jesus's blood.)
He that hath an ear, let him hear what the Spirit saith unto the churches; To him that overcometh will I give to eat of the tree of life, which is in the midst of the paradise of God. 2:7
(This was marked green since it has the word "tree" in it.)
Because thou hast kept the word of my patience, I also will keep thee from the hour of temptation, which shall come upon all the world, to try them that dwell upon the earth. 3:10
(God is going to tempt every living thing on earth -- except for Christians, of course. God likes Christians.)
And when those beasts give glory and honour and thanks to him that sat on the throne, who liveth for ever and ever. 4:9
(Beasts give glory, honor, and thanks to a God that sits around on a throne in heaven. But the beasts here are kind of special (see the preceding verse 4:8). They have six wings and are covered with eyes, and they sing continuously day and night: "Holy, holy, holy, LORD God Almighty, which was, and is, and is to come.")
Thou hast created all things, and for thy pleasure they are and were created. 4:11
(God created guinea worms, bot flies and parasitic wasps for his own pleasure. He likes to watch things suffer.)
And I beheld, and, lo, in the midst of the throne and of the four beasts, and in the midst of the elders, stood a Lamb as it had been slain, having seven horns and seven eyes, which are the seven Spirits of God sent forth into all the earth. 5:6
(There are 4 beasts and a dead lamb with 7 horns and 7 eyes which are really the 7 spirits of God that were sent down to earth for some reason. I'm sure there's an important environmental message from God here somewhere.)
And every creature which is in heaven, and on the earth, and under the earth, and such as are in the sea, and all that are in them, heard I saying, Blessing, and honour, and glory, and power, be unto him that sitteth upon the throne, and unto the Lamb for ever and ever. 5:12-13
(Animals spend all their time praying out loud in Hebrew, saying stuff like: "God you are so big...")
And there went out another horse that was red: and power was given to him that sat thereon to take peace from the earth, and that they should kill one another: and there was given unto him a great sword. 6:4
(God will send an all-powerful red horse with a big sword to take peace from the earth by forcing people to kill each other.)
And I looked, and behold a pale horse: and his name that sat on him was Death, and Hell followed with him. And power was given unto them over the fourth part of the earth, to kill with sword, and with hunger, and with death, and with the beasts of the earth. 6:8
(God will send an all-powerful pale horse that will kill one fourth of the human population with war, starvation, and predatory animals. Note: The Green Bible says it will be a "pale green horse." That's why this verse is marked green.)
And the heaven departed as a scroll when it is rolled together; and every mountain and island were moved out of their places. 6:14
(God rolled up the sky and moved islands and mountains around. Just for the heck of it, I guess.)
I saw four angels standing on the four corners of the earth ... And I saw another angel ... and he cried with a loud voice to the four angels, to whom it was given to hurt the earth and the sea, Saying, Hurt not the earth, neither the sea, nor the trees, till we have sealed the servants of our God in their foreheads. 7:1-3
(God assigned four angels to hurt the earth and the sea, but he tells them to wait until he has marked 144,000 male virgins. When he's done with the marking job, though, the angels can go ahead and hurt the earth and sea.

This verse is one that Christians like to use to show God's loving concern for the environment. But the previous verse (7:2) makes it clear that it was the angels' God-given job to "hurt the earth and the sea" just as soon as they finished their forehead marking job.
A friend of the family gave us a coffee cup that features this verse and the cute illustration shown below.)

And all the angels stood round about the throne, and about the elders and the four beasts, and fell before the throne on their faces, and worshipped God, Saying, Amen: Blessing, and glory, and wisdom, and thanksgiving, and honour, and power, and might, be unto our God for ever and ever. Amen. 7:11-12
(The angels, elders, and beasts all hang around the throne saying "Oh God, you are so big. So absolutely huge. Gosh, we're all really impressed up here, I can assure you..." for ever and ever.)
They shall hunger no more, neither thirst any more; neither shall the sun light on them, nor any heat. The Lamb which is in the midst of the throne shall feed them, and shall lead them unto living fountains of waters: and God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes. 7:16-17
(The 144,000 male virgins will be fed by a lamb, drink living water, and have their tears washed away by God.)
And the angel took the censer, and filled it with fire of the altar, and cast it into the earth: and there were voices, and thunderings, and lightnings, and an earthquake. 8:5
(An angel took some fire from the altar in heaven and threw it down to earth which caused loud voices, thunder, lightening and an earthquake.)
The first angel sounded, and there followed hail and fire mingled with blood, and they were cast upon the earth: and the third part of trees was burnt up, and all green grass was burnt up. And the second angel sounded, and as it were a great mountain burning with fire was cast into the sea: and the third part of the sea became blood; And the third part of the creatures which were in the sea, and had life, died; and the third part of the ships were destroyed. And the third angel sounded, and there fell a great star from heaven, burning as it were a lamp, and it fell upon the third part of the rivers, and upon the fountains of waters. 8:7-10
(The 1st angel causes hail, fire mixed with blood, and burned down 1/3 of the earth's trees. The 2nd angel burns up a mountain and casts it into the sea, making 1/3 of the sea blood and killing 1/3 of sea life. And the 3rd angel made a star fall from heaven that burned up 1/3 of the rivers.)
And the fifth angel sounded, and I saw a star fall from heaven unto the earth: and to him was given the key of the bottomless pit ... And there came out of the smoke locusts upon the earth: and unto them was given power, as the scorpions of the earth have power. And it was commanded them that they should not hurt the grass of the earth, neither any green thing, neither any tree; but only those men which have not the seal of God in their foreheads. 9:1-4
(The 5th angel causes a star to fall from heaven and is given the key to a bottomless pit with locusts and scorpions. But God tells the scorpions not to hurt trees or grass -- only people that don't have the proper seals on their foreheads.)
And the angel which I saw stand upon the sea and upon the earth lifted up his hand to heaven, And sware by him that liveth for ever and ever, who created heaven, and the things that therein are, and the earth, and the things that therein are, and the sea, and the things which are therein, that there should be time no longer. 10:5-6
(An angel stands on sea and land and says there will be no more time. Could this be God's way of warning us that time is running out for us to save the planet? Of course it could. This is the Bible; anything could mean anything or nothing at all.)
These are the two olive trees, and the two candlesticks standing before the God of the earth. 11:4
(There were these two olive trees and two candlesticks and they walked into a bar and said to the bartender...)
And the seventh angel sounded; and there were great voices in heaven, saying, The kingdoms of this world are become the kingdoms of our Lord, and of his Christ; and he shall reign for ever and ever. 11:15
(The 7th angel sounded, there were some voices in heaven, and Jesus will reign forever and ever. I wonder what environmental message God is trying to convey in this passage.)
And the nations were angry, and thy wrath is come, and the time of the dead, that they should be judged, and that thou shouldest give reward unto thy servants the prophets, and to the saints, and them that fear thy name, small and great; and shouldest destroy them which destroy the earth. 11:18
Is God going to "destroy them which destroy the earth." But I thought God told the angels to hurt the earth? Is God going to destroy himself?
Woe to the inhabiters of the earth and of the sea! for the devil is come down unto you, having great wrath, because he knoweth that he hath but a short time. 12:12
(The devil is going to hurt the inhabitants of the earth and sea. And God is going to ls going to just sit back and watch. God likes to watch.)
And I saw one of his heads as it were wounded to death; and his deadly wound was healed: and all the world wondered after the beast. 13:3
(The whole world wondered after the wounded beast. You know, the one that came out of the sea with ten horns and seven heads that looked like a leopard but with feet like a bear and a mouth like a lion. Yeah that one.)
And I saw another angel fly in the midst of heaven, having the everlasting gospel to preach unto them that dwell on the earth, and to every nation, and kindred, and tongue, and people. 14:6
(A flying angel preaches to the folks on earth, writing in smoke the words, "Surrender Dorothy.")
And I looked, and behold a white cloud, and upon the cloud one sat like unto the Son of man, having on his head a golden crown, and in his hand a sharp sickle. 14:14
(Jesus sits in a white cloud with a gold crown and a sharp sickle. Everyone that sees him wonders what the fuck is he doing with that sickle.)
And I saw another sign in heaven, great and marvellous, seven angels having the seven last plagues; for in them is filled up the wrath of God. 15:1
(A marvelous sign of God's wrath and concern for the environment: 7 angels with 7 plagues filled with the wrath of God.)
And they sing the song of Moses the servant of God, and the song of the Lamb, saying, Great and marvellous are thy works, Lord God Almighty; just and true are thy ways, thou King of saints. Who shall not fear thee, O Lord, and glorify thy name? for thou only art holy. 15:3-4
(Everybody in heaven sings the "song of the lamb" and says cool things like, "Oh God, you are so strong, and well, just so super...")
And I heard a great voice out of the temple saying to the seven angels, Go your ways, and pour out the vials of the wrath of God upon the earth. 16:1
(God tells the angels to destroy the environment by pouring out the wrath of God on the earth.)
And every island fled away, and the mountains were not found. And there fell upon men a great hail out of heaven, every stone about the weight of a talent. 16:20-21
(God destroyed the islands and mountains and huge hail fell from heaven that killed many people. He did this because he loves islands, mountains, and people so much!)
And after these things I heard a great voice of much people in heaven, saying, Alleluia; Salvation, and glory, and honour, and power, unto the Lord our God: For true and righteous are his judgments: for he hath judged the great whore, which did corrupt the earth with her fornication, and hath avenged the blood of his servants at her hand. 19:1-2
(God judged the great whore that corrupted the earth with her fornication.)
And I saw the dead, small and great, stand before God; and the books were opened: and another book was opened, which is the book of life: and the dead were judged out of those things which were written in the books, according to their works. 20:12
(Dead people will be judged by God.)
And death and hell were cast into the lake of fire. This is the second death. And whosoever was not found written in the book of life was cast into the lake of fire. 20:14-15
(God will throw most dead people into a lake of fire.)
And I saw a new heaven and a new earth: for the first heaven and the first earth were passed away; and there was no more sea. 21:1-3
(God will soon destroy the earth, both land and sea. He doesn't value them and neither should you.)
And he that sat upon the throne said, Behold, I make all things new. And he said unto me, Write: for these words are true and faithful. 21:5
(God is going to make all things new -- right after he gets done destroying everything!)
The fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death. 21:6-8
(God will burn some dead people forever.)
And he carried me away in the spirit to a great and high mountain, and shewed me that great city, the holy Jerusalem, descending out of heaven from God, Having the glory of God: and her light was like unto a stone most precious, even like a jasper stone, clear as crystal. 21:10-11
(An angel carried the author of Revelation to a high mountain to show him Jerusalem. It had really cool lights.)
And the city had no need of the sun, neither of the moon, to shine in it: for the glory of God did lighten it, and the Lamb is the light thereof. 21:23-24
(The new Jerusalem won't need the sun or moon, so you can trash the whole solar system if you feel like it.)
And there shall in no wise enter into it any thing that defileth, neither whatsoever worketh abomination, or maketh a lie: but they which are written in the Lamb's book of life. 21:27
(Only people whose names are written in the book of life will get into the heavenly city.)
And he shewed me a pure river of water of life, clear as crystal, proceeding out of the throne of God and of the Lamb. In the midst of the street of it, and on either side of the river, was there the tree of life, which bare twelve manner of fruits, and yielded her fruit every month: and the leaves of the tree were for the healing of the nations. 22:1-2
(In heaven there will be a tree that has 12 kinds of fruit with leaves that will heal nations. And there will be horses of different colors, singing munchkins, and a great and powerful wizard.)
And there shall be no night there; and they need no candle, neither light of the sun; for the Lord God giveth them light: and they shall reign for ever and ever. 22:5
(There will be no sun, night, or candles in heaven. Just God. All God, all the time.)
Blessed are they that do his commandments, that they may have right to the tree of life, and may enter in through the gates into the city. 22:14
(The "tree of life" is not a real tree. Real trees will all be destroyed by God along with everything else on earth.)
And the Spirit and the bride say, Come. And let him that heareth say, Come. And let him that is athirst come. And whosoever will, let him take the water of life freely. 22:17
(The spirit and the bride and everyone that hears says, "Come".)
Okay. That's it. That's all the verses in Revelation that are marked green in the Green Bible. The question is why. Why were any of these verses marked green?
Revelation, like the rest of the Bible, is clear: God doesn't give a damn about the environment. He gave power to angels to damage earth and sea (Revelation 7:2-3); sent angels to burn earth, trees and grass (8:7); burned mountains and threw them into the sea (8:8); turned one third of the sea into blood, killing one third of its wildlife (8:8-9); threw down a star from heaven to destroy one third of the rivers (8:10); killed "every living soul in the sea" (16:3); dried up the Euphrates river (16:12); destroyed islands and mountains (16:20); ; and he plans to soon destroy the entire earth and every living thing on it. (21:1).
You'd have to be dishonest to mark anything green in the Bible. But that didn't stop the creators of the Green Bible.
Posted by Steve Wells at 12/23/2008 05:35:00 PM 9 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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03 December 2008Richard Dawkins: The God of the Old Testament
(Repost with Bible verses that support Richard Dawkins' description of the Old Testament God. Let me know if I've left out some good verses -- I started to poop out toward the end.)


The God of the Old Testament is arguably the most unpleasant character in all fiction: jealous and proud of it; a petty, unjust, unforgiving control-freak; a vindictive, bloodthirsty ethnic cleanser; a misogynistic, homophobic, racist, infanticidal, genocidal, filicidal, pestilential, megalomaniacal, sadomasochistic, capriciously malevolent bully.
The God of the Old Testament is arguably the most unpleasant character in all fiction:
jealous and proud of it
How jealous and proud is he? Well, his name is Jealous. And he named himself!
For thou shalt worship no other god: for the LORD, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God: Exodus 34:14
Here are some more verses where God brags about his jealousy.
I the Lord thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation. Exodus 20:5
For the LORD thy God is a consuming fire, even a jealous God. Deuteronomy 4:24
I the LORD thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation. Deuteronomy 5:9
(For the LORD thy God is a jealous God among you) lest the anger of the LORD thy God be kindled against thee, and destroy thee from off the face of the earth. Deuteronomy 6:15
The LORD will not spare him, but then the anger of the LORD and his jealousy shall smoke against that man, and all the curses that are written in this book shall lie upon him, and the LORD shall blot out his name from under heaven. Deuteronomy 29:20
They provoked him to jealousy with strange gods, with abominations provoked they him to anger. Deuteronomy 32:16
They have moved me to jealousy with that which is not God; they have provoked me to anger with their vanities: and I will move them to jealousy with those which are not a people; I will provoke them to anger with a foolish nation. Deuteronomy 32:21
He is a jealous God; he will not forgive your transgressions nor your sins. Joshua 24:19
And Judah did evil in the sight of the LORD, and they provoked him to jealousy with their sins. 1 Kings 14:22
And he put forth the form of an hand, and took me by a lock of mine head; and the spirit lifted me up between the earth and the heaven, and brought me in the visions of God to Jerusalem, to the door of the inner gate that looketh toward the north; where was the seat of the image of jealousy, which provoketh to jealousy. Ezekiel 8:3
Then said he unto me, Son of man, lift up thine eyes now the way toward the north. So I lifted up mine eyes the way toward the north, and behold northward at the gate of the altar this image of jealousy in the entry. Ezekiel 8:5
I will judge thee, as women that break wedlock and shed blood are judged; and I will give thee blood in fury and jealousy. Ezekiel 16:38
So will I make my fury toward thee to rest, and my jealousy shall depart from thee, and I will be quiet, and will be no more angry. Ezekiel 16:42
And I will set my jealousy against thee, and they shall deal furiously with thee: they shall take away thy nose and thine ears; and thy remnant shall fall by the sword: they shall take thy sons and thy daughters; and thy residue shall be devoured by the fire. Ezekiel 23:25
Surely in the fire of my jealousy have I spoken against the residue of the heathen. Ezekiel 36:5
For in my jealousy and in the fire of my wrath have I spoken, Surely in that day there shall be a great shaking in the land of Israel. Ezekiel 38:19
God is jealous, and the LORD revengeth; the LORD revengeth, and is furious; Nahum 1:2
Thus saith the LORD of hosts; I am jealous for Jerusalem and for Zion with a great jealousy. Zechariah 1:14
Thus saith the LORD of hosts; I was jealous for Zion with great jealousy, and I was jealous for her with great fury. Zechariah 8:2
All the earth shall be devoured with the fire of my jealousy. Zephaniah 3:8
a petty,
A golden bell and a pomegranate ... shall be upon Aaron to minister: and his sound shall be heard when he goeth in unto the holy place before the LORD, and when he cometh out, that he die not. Exodus 28:34-35
Ye shall keep my statutes. Thou shalt not let thy cattle gender with a diverse kind: thou shalt not sow thy field with mingled seed: neither shall a garment mingled of linen and woollen come upon thee. Leviticus 19:19
Thou shalt not sacrifice unto the LORD thy God any bullock, or sheep, wherein is blemish, or any evilfavouredness: for that is an abomination unto the LORD thy God. Deuteronomy 17:1
Thou shalt not wear a garment of divers sorts, as of woollen and linen together. Deuteronomy 22:11
Thou shalt make thee fringes upon the four quarters of thy vesture, wherewith thou coverest thyself. Deuteronomy 22:12
He that is wounded in the stones, or hath his privy member cut off, shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD. Deuteronomy 23:1
A bastard shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD; even to his tenth generation. Deuteronomy 23:2
unjust,
If thou refuse to let him go, behold, I will slay thy son, even thy firstborn. Exodus 4:23
The LORD slew all the firstborn in the land of Egypt, both the firstborn of man, and the firstborn of beast. Exodus 13:15
I the LORD thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation. Exodus 20:5
Prepare slaughter for his children for the iniquity of their fathers. Isaiah 14:21
See here for a list of Old Testament injustices.
unforgiving
He is a jealous God; he will not forgive your transgressions nor your sins. Joshua 24:19
Therefore pray not thou for this people, neither lift up a cry or prayer for them: for I will not hear them in the time that they cry unto me for their trouble. Jeremiah 11:14
When they fast, I will not hear their cry; and when they offer burnt offering and an oblation, I will not accept them: but I will consume them by the sword, and by the famine, and by the pestilence. Jeremiah 14:12
Therefore will I also deal in fury: mine eye shall not spare, neither will I have pity: and though they cry in mine ears with a loud voice, yet will I not hear them. Ezekiel 8:18
control-freak;
But it shall come to pass, if thou wilt not hearken unto the voice of the LORD thy God, to observe to do all his commandments and his statutes which I command thee this day; that all these curses shall come upon thee, and overtake thee: ... The LORD will smite thee with the botch of Egypt, and with the emerods (hemorrhoids), and with the scab, and with the itch, whereof thou canst not be healed. The LORD shall smite thee with madness, and blindness, and astonishment of heart: ... Thou shalt betroth a wife, and another man shall lie with her: ... The LORD shall smite thee in the knees, and in the legs, with a sore botch that cannot be healed, from the sole of thy foot unto the top of thy head. ... And thou shalt eat the fruit of thine own body, the flesh of thy sons and of thy daughters ... The tender and delicate woman among you, which would not adventure to set the sole of her foot upon the ground for delicateness and tenderness, her eye shall be evil toward the husband of her bosom, and toward her son, and toward her daughter, And toward her young one that cometh out from between her feet, and toward her children which she shall bear: for she shall eat them. Deuteronomy 28:15-68
a vindictive,
I kill .. I wound ... I will render vengeance to mine enemies ... I will make mine arrows drunk with blood, and my sword shall devour flesh. Deuteronomy 32:39-42
He will avenge the blood of his servants, and will render vengeance to his adversaries. Deuteronomy 32:43
To me belongeth vengeance and recompence ... for the day of their calamity is at hand. Deuteronomy 32:35
And when the people complained, it displeased the LORD: and the LORD heard it; and his anger was kindled; and the fire of the LORD burnt among them, and consumed them. Nunbers 11:1
Therefore thus saith the LORD of hosts, Behold, I will punish them: the young men shall die by the sword; their sons and their daughters shall die by famine: Jeremiah 11:22
For this is the day of the Lord GOD of hosts, a day of vengeance, that he may avenge him of his adversaries: and the sword shall devour, and it shall be satiate and made drunk with their blood. Jeremiah 46:10
And I will execute vengeance in anger and fury upon the heathen, such as they have not heard. Micah 5:15
bloodthirsty
And the priest shall dip his finger in some of the blood, and sprinkle it seven times before the LORD. Leviticus 4:17
And ye shall eat the flesh of your sons, and the flesh of your daughters shall ye eat. Leviticus 26:29
I kill .. I wound ... I will make mine arrows drunk with blood, and my sword shall devour flesh. Deuteronomy 32:39-42
But God shall wound the head of his enemies ... That thy foot may be dipped in the blood of thine enemies, and the tongue of thy dogs in the same. Psalm 68:21-23
For the indignation of the LORD is upon all nations, and his fury upon all their armies: he hath utterly destroyed them, he hath delivered them to the slaughter. Their slain also shall be cast out, and their stink shall come up out of their carcases, and the mountains shall be melted with their blood. Isaiah 34:2-3
For my sword shall be bathed in heaven. Isaiah 34:5
The sword of the LORD is filled with blood, ... their land shall be soaked with blood, ... For it is the day of the LORD's vengeance. Isaiah 34:7-8
And I will feed them that oppress thee with their own flesh; and they shall be drunken with their own blood, as with sweet wine. Isaiah 49:26
I will ... trample them in my fury; and their blood ... will stain all my raiment. Isaiah 63:2-6
And I will cause them to eat the flesh of their sons and the flesh of their daughters, and they shall eat every one the flesh of his friend. Jeremiah 19:9
For this is the day of the Lord GOD of hosts, a day of vengeance, that he may avenge him of his adversaries: and the sword shall devour, and it shall be satiate and made drunk with their blood. Jeremiah 46:10
Cursed be he that keepeth back his sword from blood. Jeremiah 48:10
Thus saith the Lord GOD; Speak unto every feathered fowl, and to every beast of the field, Assemble yourselves, and come; gather yourselves on every side to my sacrifice that I do sacrifice for you, even a great sacrifice upon the mountains of Israel, that ye may eat flesh, and drink blood. Ezekiel 39:17
Ye shall eat the flesh of the mighty, and drink the blood of the princes of the earth. Ezekiel 39:18
And ye shall eat fat till ye be full, and drink blood till ye be drunken, of my sacrifice which I have sacrificed for you. Ezekiel 39:19
And I will bring distress upon men, that they shall walk like blind men, because they have sinned against the LORD: and their blood shall be poured out as dust, and their flesh as the dung. Zephaniah 1:17
See here for a list of Old Testament cruelties.
ethnic cleanser;
Thou shalt surely smite the inhabitants of that city with the edge of the sword, destroying it utterly, and all that is therein, and the cattle thereof, with the edge of the sword. Deuteronomy 13:15
Thus saith the LORD of hosts ... go and smite Amalek, and utterly destroy all that they have, and spare them not; but slay both man and woman, infant and suckling, ox and sheep, camel and ass. 1 Samuel 15:2-3
a misogynistic,
Behold now, I have two daughters which have not known man; let me, I pray you, bring them out unto you, an do ye to them as is good in your eyes. Genesis 19:8
Wherefore David arose and went, he and his men, and slew of the Philistines two hundred men; and David brought their foreskins, and they gave them in full tale to the king, that he might be the king's son in law. And Saul gave him Michal his daughter to wife. 1 Samuel 18:27
And whosoever lieth carnally with a woman, that is a bondmaid, betrothed to an husband, and not at all redeemed, nor freedom given her; she shall be scourged. Leviticus 19:20
And the daughter of any priest, if she profane herself by playing the whore, she profaneth her father: she shall be burnt with fire. Leviticus 21:9
And Moses said unto them, Have ye saved all the women alive? ... Now therefore kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman that hath known man by lying with him. But all the women children, that have not known a man by lying with him, keep alive for yourselves. Nunbers 31:15-19
And when the LORD thy God hath delivered it into thine hands, thou shalt smite every male thereof with the edge of the sword: But the women ... shalt thou take unto thyself. Deuteronomy 20:13-14
And seest among the captives a beautiful woman, and hast a desire unto her .... Thou shalt go in unto her. Deuteronomy 21:11-13
If a man have two wives, one beloved, and another hated .... Deuteronomy 21:15
If any man take a wife, and go in unto her, and hate her ... Deuteronomy 22:13
I took this woman, and when I came to her, I found her not a maid. Then shall the father of the damsel, and her mother, take and bring forth the tokens of the damsel's virginity unto the elders of the city. But if ... the tokens of virginity be not found for the damsel: Then they shall bring out the damsel to the door of her father's house, and the men of her city shall stone her with stones that she die. Deuteronomy 22:14-21
If a damsel that is a virgin be betrothed unto an husband, and a man find her in the city, and lie with her; Then ye shall bring them both out unto the gate of that city, and ye shall stone them with stones that they die; the damsel, because she cried not, being in the city. Deuteronomy 22:23-24
When two men strive together on with another, and the wife of the one ... putteth forth her hand, and taketh him by the secrets: Then thou shalt cut off her hand, thine eye shall not pity her. Deuteronomy 25:11-12
Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30
Wherefore David arose and went, he and his men, and slew of the Philistines two hundred men; and David brought their foreskins, and they gave them in full tale to the king, that he might be the king's son in law. And Saul gave him Michal his daughter to wife. 1 Samuel 18:27
Thus saith the LORD, Behold, I will raise up evil against thee out of thine own house, and I will take thy wives before thine eyes, and give them unto thy neighbour, and he shall lie with thy wives in the sight of this sun. 2 Samuel 12:11
And her daughters which are in the field shall be slain by the sword; and they shall know that I am the LORD Ezekiel 26:6
homophobic,
Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination. Leviticus 18:22
If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them. Leviticus 20:13
racist,
One of the children of Israel came and brought unto his brethren a Midianitish woman in the sight of Moses ... And when Phinehas ... saw it, he rose up from among the congregation, and took a javelin in his hand; And he went after the man of Israel into the tent, and thrust both of them through, the man of Israel, and the woman through her belly. So the plague was stayed from the children of Israel. Numbers 25:6-8
The LORD thy God hath chosen thee to be a special people unto himself, above all people that are upon the face of the earth. Deuteronomy 7:6
An Ammonite or Moabite shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD; even to their tenth generation shall they not enter into the congregation of the LORD for ever. Deuteronomy 23:3
infanticidal,
At midnight the LORD smote all the firstborn in the land of Egypt, from the firstborn of Pharaoh that sat on his throne unto the firstborn of the captive that was in the dungeon. Exodus 12:29
Ye shall sow your seed in vain, for your enemies shall eat it. Leviticus 26:16
I will also send wild beasts among you, which shall rob you of your children. Leviticus 26:22
And ye shall eat the flesh of your sons, and the flesh of your daughters shall ye eat. Leviticus 26:29
Because by this deed thou hast given great occasion to the enemies of the LORD to blaspheme, the child also that is born unto thee shall surely die. ... And the LORD struck the child that Uriah's wife bare unto David, and it was very sick... on the seventh day, that the child died. 2 Samuel 12:14-18
Therefore the fathers shall eat the sons in the midst of thee, and the sons shall eat their fathers. Ezekiel 5:10
And I will cause them to eat the flesh of their sons and the flesh of their daughters, and they shall eat every one the flesh of his friend. Jeremiah 19:9
genocidal,
Thou shalt surely smite the inhabitants of that city with the edge of the sword, destroying it utterly, and all that is therein, and the cattle thereof, with the edge of the sword. Deuteronomy 13:5
But of the cities of these people, which the LORD thy God doth give thee for an inheritance, thou shalt save alive nothing that breatheth. Deuteronomy 20:16-17
So smote all the country ... he left none remaining, but utterly destroyed all that breathed, as the LORD God of Israel commanded. Joshua 10:40
Thus saith the LORD of hosts ... go and smite Amalek, and utterly destroy all that they have, and spare them not; but slay both man and woman, infant and suckling, ox and sheep, camel and ass. 1 Samuel 15:2-3
filicidal,
And he said, Take now thy son, thine only son Isaac, whom thou lovest, and ... offer him there for a burnt offering. Genesis 22:2
For every one that curseth his father or his mother shall be surely put to death. Leviticus 20:9
And the daughter of any priest, if she profane herself by playing the whore, she profaneth her father: she shall be burnt with fire. Leviticus 21:9
If thy brother, the son of thy mother, or thy son, or thy daughter, or the wife of thy bosom, or thy friend, which is as thine own soul, entice thee secretly, saying, Let us go and serve other gods ... hou shalt surely kill him; thine hand shall be first upon him to put him to death, and afterwards the hand of all the people. Deuteronomy 13:6-10
Happy shall he be, that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the stones. Psalm 137:9
pestilential,
And while the flesh was yet between their teeth, ere it was chewed, the wrath of the LORD was kindled against the people, and the LORD smote the people with a very great plague. Nunbers 11:33
And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died. Nunbers 21:6
The hand of the LORD was against the city ... and he smote the men of the city, both small and great, and they had emerods in their secret parts. 1 Samuel 5:9
So Gad came to David, and told him, and said unto him, Shall seven years of famine come unto thee in thy land? or wilt thou flee three months before thine enemies, while they pursue thee? or that there be three days' pestilence in thy land? ... So the LORD sent a pestilence upon Israel ... and there died of the people ... seventy thousand men. 2 Samuel 24:13
So will I send upon you famine and evil beasts, and they shall bereave thee: and pestilence and blood shall pass through thee; and I will bring the sword upon thee. I the LORD have spoken it. Ezekiel 5:17
megalomaniacal,
Then the earth shook and trembled; the foundations of heaven moved and shook, because he was wroth. There went up a smoke out of his nostrils, and fire out of his mouth devoured: coals were kindled by it. He bowed the heavens also, and came down; and darkness was under his feet. And he rode upon a cherub, and did fly. 2 Samuel 22:8-11
Thus will I magnify myself, and sanctify myself; and I will be known in the eyes of many nations, and they shall know that I am the LORD. Ezekiel 38:23
sadomasochistic,
Thou shalt even drink it and suck it out, and thou shalt break the sherds thereof, and pluck off thine own breasts: for I have spoken it, saith the Lord GOD. Ezekiel 23:34
capriciously malevolent
Slay utterly old and young, both maids, and little children, and women: but come not near any man upon whom is the mark ... fill the courts with the slain: go ye forth. And they went forth, and slew in the city. Ezekiel 9:4-7
Therefore will I also deal in fury: mine eye shall not spare, neither will I have pity: and though they cry in mine ears with a loud voice, yet will I not hear them. Ezekiel 8:18
And the cities that are inhabited shall be laid waste, and the land shall be desolate; and ye shall know that I am the LORD. Ezekiel 12:20
bully.
And I will appoint over them four kinds, saith the LORD: the sword to slay, and the dogs to tear, and the fowls of the heaven, and the beasts of the earth, to devour and destroy. Jeremiah 15:3
And I will call for a sword against him throughout all my mountains, saith the Lord GOD: every man's sword shall be against his brother. And I will plead against him with pestilence and with blood; and I will rain upon him, and upon his bands, and upon the many people that are with him, an overflowing rain, and great hailstones, fire, and brimstone. Thus will I magnify myself, and sanctify myself; and I will be known in the eyes of many nations, and they shall know that I am the LORD. Ezekiel 38:21-23
Posted by Steve Wells at 12/03/2008 07:57:00 PM 41 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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 31 January 2009David Attenborough on Genesis
The influence of the book of Genesis, which says that the Lord God said to go forth and multiply to Adam and Eve, and that the natural world is there for you to dominate, you have dominion over the animals and plants of the world. And that basic notion, that the world is there for us and that if it doesn't serve our proposes, it is dispensable, that has produced the devastation of vast areas of the world's surface... That is why we are in the situation that we're in. (3:28 - 4:27)
Of course this verse (Genesis 1:28) is marked green in the world's most dishonest book: The Green Bible.
Posted by Steve Wells at 1/31/2009 08:18:00 PM 6 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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26 January 2009Sodom and Gomorrah: Shall I hide from Abraham the thing that I do?
You may have noticed that God, after his first mass murder, showed a bit of remorse for needlessly drowning pretty much everything on earth. He even promised to never "smite any more every thing living." (Genesis 8.21)

And he kept his promise, too [if you ignore the anti-Sodomite slaughter], for another ten chapters or so. But in the end, God couldn't resist the temptation to kill again.

Abraham tried to talk him out of it, though. He and God and a couple of God's friends had been hanging out all day together. But after getting their feet washed and eating a big meal, God and his friends decided it was time to go.
The LORD appeared unto him in the plains of Mamre: and he sat in the tent door in the heat of the day; And he lift up his eyes and looked, and, lo, three men stood by him: and when he saw them, he ran to meet them from the tent door, and bowed himself toward the ground, And said … wash your feet, and rest yourselves under the tree … And Abraham ran unto the herd, and fetcht a calf  … And he took butter, and milk, and the calf which he had dressed, and set it before them … and they did eat. Genesis 18.1-8
They were heading off toward Sodom and Abraham decided he'd better tag along.
The men rose up from thence, and looked toward Sodom: and Abraham went with them to bring them on the way. 18.16
As they were walking along, God said (to himself?), "Shall I hide from Abraham that thing which I do?"
The LORD said, Shall I hide from Abraham that thing which I do? 18.17
How's that for weird? God asks himself if he should tell Abraham what he is about to do (which is, of course, kill everyone in two cities). He doesn't know what to do. Is he afraid that Abe will talk him out of it? Or try to stop him? Or what? Or is he just embarrassed to be having bad thoughts again?

But God finally snaps out of it and tells Abraham what he's up to. He has heard that the people in Sodom have sinned and he's decided to go to Sodom and see for himself.
The LORD said, Because the cry of Sodom and Gomorrah is great, and because their sin is very grievous; I will go down now, and see whether they have done altogether according to the cry of it, which is come unto me; and if not, I will know. 18.20-21
Abraham was on to him right away. He said, "Wilt thou also destroy the righteous with the wicked?"
Abraham drew near, and said, Wilt thou also destroy the righteous with the wicked? 18.23
God, who is one of his moods, ignores him. So Abe starts to bargain. What if there are 50 good people in Sodom? Would you kill them, too? "Shall not the Judge of all the earth do right?"
Peradventure there be fifty righteous within the city: wilt thou also destroy and not spare the place for the fifty righteous that are therein? … Shall not the Judge of all the earth do right? 18.24-25
God says if he can find 50 good citizens of Sodom, he won't kill everybody.
The LORD said, If I find in Sodom fifty righteous within the city, then I will spare all the place for their sakes. 18.26
So Abe tries 45, and God says he wouldn't kill everyone if there were 45.
Peradventure there shall lack five of the fifty righteous: wilt thou destroy all the city for lack of five? And he said, If I find there forty and five, I will not destroy it. 18.28
Abe keeps going this way (knowing that God is a tad slow). How about 40? 30? 20? 10? And each time God answers the same way: If God can find a few good men (well ten, anyway), he won't kill the whole city.
He said, Oh let not the LORD be angry, and I will speak yet but this once: Peradventure ten shall be found there. And he said, I will not destroy it for ten's sake. 18.32
And then God just takes off and Abraham goes home. "And the LORD went his way ... and Abraham returned unto his place."
And the LORD went his way, as soon as he had left communing with Abraham: and Abraham returned unto his place. 18.33
But God's two friends (they're called angels now) keep going to Sodom. Lot invites them in and gives them the usual God treatment (washes their feet and feeds them).
There came two angels to Sodom at even … and Lot seeing them rose up to meet them; and he bowed himself with his face toward the ground; And he said, Behold now, my lords, turn in, I pray you, into your servant's house, and tarry all night, and wash your feet, and ye shall rise up early, and go on your ways. And they said, Nay; but we will abide in the street all night. And he pressed upon them greatly; and they turned in unto him, and entered into his house; and he made them a feast, and did bake unleavened bread, and they did eat. 19.1-3
Then a strange thing happened. (Strange things often happen in the Bible.) Every man in the city of Sodom came to Lot's house and demanded to have sex with Lot's two angel friends.
The men of Sodom, compassed the house round, both old and young, all the people from every quarter: And they called unto Lot, and said unto him, Where are the men which came in to thee this night? bring them out unto us, that we may know them. 19.4-5
Man, those must have been some good looking angels!

Lot's response was to protect the angels (who you'd think could take care of themselves) by offering the sex-crazed mob his two virgin daughters instead.
Behold now, I have two daughters which have not known man; let me, I pray you, bring them out unto you, and do ye to them as is good in your eyes. 19.8
[This is a man, by the way, whom the Bible calls "just and righteous" in 2 Peter 2:7-8. A few verses later he will get drunk and impregnate both his virgin daughters (see Genesis 19:30-38), but that's another lovely Bible story.]

As it turns out, though, there is no time for Lot to make good on his kind offer because God is getting ready to commit another mass murder. The angels strike the people of Sodom blind, tell Lot, his virgin daughters (and their husbands!), and his wife to flee.
But the men … smote the men that were at the door of the house with blindness … And the men said unto Lot, Hast thou here any besides? son in law, and thy sons, and thy daughters, and whatsoever thou hast in the city, bring them out of this place: For we will destroy this place … the LORD hath sent us to destroy it. 19.10-13
And then all hell breaks loose.
The LORD rained upon Sodom and upon Gomorrah brimstone and fire from the LORD out of heaven. 19.24
Okay, so that's it. That is God's second mass murder.

But how many people did God smash and burn to death in Sodom and Gomorrah? Well, I, of course, have no idea. I don't think any of this actually happened. But I'll guess 2000, 1000 from each city.
God's next killing: Lot's wife
Posted by Steve Wells at 1/26/2009 10:36:00 PM 9 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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25 January 2009All the Fat is the Lord's: What the Bible says about Fat People
First of all, it is important to understand that God really likes fat. So I suppose he likes fat people, too. (He's probably overweight himself.)
All the fat is the Lord's.-- Leviticus 3:16
Even God's sword is fat (and bloody).
The sword of the LORD is filled with blood, it is made fat with fatness. -- Isaiah 34:6
God likes fat animals, too. He plans to feed people to to them to make them even fatter.
Thus saith the Lord GOD; Speak unto every feathered fowl, and to every beast of the field ... Ye shall eat the flesh of the mighty, and drink the blood of the princes of the earth ... And ye shall eat fat till ye be full, and drink blood till ye be drunken, of my sacrifice which I have sacrificed for you. -- Ezekiel 39:17-19
God makes the diligent fat. (Lazy people are skinny and poor.)
The soul of the sluggard desireth, and hath nothing: but the soul of the diligent shall be made fat. -- Proverbs 13:4
God makes liberals fat, too. (I guess religious liberals should be the fattest of all.)
The liberal soul shall be made fat. -- Proverbs 11:25
If you trust God, he will make you fat. (So if you want to lose weight, don't trust him.)
He that putteth his trust in the LORD shall be made fat. -- Proverbs 28:25
Being fat is is sure sign of righteousness. (Wicked people are skinny and hungry.)
The righteous shall flourish like the palm tree ... they shall be fat. -- Psalm 92:12-14
How to tell the good from the bad: Good people are fat and get plenty to eat; the wicked are the ones who go hungry.
The righteous eateth to the satisfying of his soul: but the belly of the wicked shall want.-- Proverbs 13:25
So don't bother with the diet. Trust in God and be good, righteous, diligent, an liberal. And fat.

God - He's just a fat fairy


Posted by Steve Wells at 1/25/2009 02:42:00 PM 6 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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24 January 2009The Flood of Noah: All flesh died that moved upon the earth
God's first killing is hard to beat. He killed everything. Here's how he described it:
The LORD said, I will destroy man whom I have created from the face of the earth; both man, and beast, and the creeping thing, and the fowls of the air; for it repenteth me that I have made them. Genesis 6.7
 Behold, I, even I, do bring a flood of waters upon the earth, to destroy all flesh, wherein is the breath of life, from under heaven; and every thing that is in the earth shall die. 6.17
Every living substance that I have made will I destroy from off the face of the earth. 7.4
All flesh died that moved upon the earth, both of fowl, and of cattle, and of beast, and of every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth, and every man: All in whose nostrils was the breath of life, of all that was in the dry land, died. And every living substance was destroyed which was upon the face of the ground, both man, and cattle, and the creeping things, and the fowl of the heaven; and they were destroyed from the earth: and Noah only remained alive, and they that were with him in the ark. 7.21-23
So the killing contest is over. God, in his very first killing, wins the prize. The guy who killed everything "on the face of the earth" is the world's top killer. He beats Hitler, Stalin, Pol Pot, Ghengis Khan. All those guys. Maybe not in terms of the number killed, but certainly in percentage. You just can't beat 100%.

Of course, God had his reasons. God always has his reasons.
God saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every imagination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually. And it repented the LORD that he had made man. 6.5-6
 The earth also was corrupt before God, and the earth was filled with violence. And God looked upon the earth, and, behold, it was corrupt; for all flesh had corrupted his way upon the earth. ... The earth is filled with violence through them; and, behold, I will destroy them with the earth. 6.11-13
Humans were wicked, they had bad thoughts, and the whole earth was violent and corrupt. So what's a good God to do?

Well, you might think he'd start a school to teach people how to behave, have them go to counseling, get them interested in other stuff -- like baseball or something. Anything to get their minds off their bad thoughts.

But no. God decided to drown them all. It was the best he could think of at the time. (He was having bad thoughts.)

The whole earth was filled with violence, so God killed everything on earth. (At least he found a nonviolent solution to the problem.)

Still, I don't quite get it. Did God drown the animals because they were too violent? Didn't he make them that way in the first place -- either at creation or after the fall of Adam?

But here is the excuse that I like the best:
God saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every imagination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually. And it repented the LORD that he had made man. 6.5-6.6
And here's what God says after he finishes the job and smells the burning flesh of Noah's sacrifice.
The LORD smelled a sweet savour; and the LORD said in his heart, I will not again curse the ground any more for man's sake; for the imagination of man's heart is evil from his youth; neither will I again smite any more every thing living, as I have done. 8.21
God regrets making humans because they have bad thoughts. So he kills them all. Then he regrets killing them all because they (still) have bad thoughts. (At least he fixed the problem!)

The mind of God is a frightening thing.

Okay so God drowned every person on earth except for Noah and his family. How many would that be?

Well, the flood was supposed to have happened about 2400 BCE, and the human population was somewhere around 20 million at the time. (McEvedy and Jones 1978)

Not a bad start for a serial killer.
Estimated number killed: 20 million
Everyone on earth (except for Noah and his family)

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God's next killing: Abraham's war to rescue Lot
List of God's killings
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Posted by Steve Wells at 1/24/2009 04:21:00 AM 18 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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22 January 2009Swear not at all: Obama, the Bible, and the second oath of office

Since some of the words were flubbed a bit the first time around, Obama took the oath of office a second time. This time without a bible.
Which is as it should be, for two reasons:
The Bible is not required by the constitution. In fact, it would be unconstitutional for Chief Justice Roberts to insist, or even suggest, that Obama use a Bible in the ceremony. That would imply a religious test for office, which is disallowed by Article VI, section 3.
A Christian who believes in the Bible shouldn't swear on one.
The Bible, of course, is worse than useless when it comes to consistent advice on morality. But the New Testament (to avoid confusion, ignore the Old Testament on this one) is pretty clear about one thing: Christians shouldn't swear. Not to God and not on the Bible or on anything else.
Here's what Jesus (supposedly) said about it:
But I say unto you, swear not at all; neither by heaven for it is God's throne; Nor by the earth; for it is his footstool: neither by Jerusalem; for it is the city of the great King. Neither shalt thou swear by thy head, because thou canst not make one hair white or black. But let your communication be, Yea, yea; Nay, nay: for whatsoever is more than these cometh of evil. Matthew 5:34-37
And the Book of James condemns swearing "above all things." I guess that would make it the worst possible sin.
But above all things, my brethren, swear not, neither by heaven, neither by the earth, neither by any other oath: but let your yea be yea; and your nay, nay; lest ye fall into condemnation. James 5:12
It always seemed strange to me to swear on a book that is filled with lies.
I'm glad Obama got it right the second time around (except for the "So help me God" bullshit).
Posted by Steve Wells at 1/22/2009 07:05:00 AM 13 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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21 January 2009The time has come to set aside childish things (and become a nation of nonbelievers)
...in the words of Scripture, the time has come to set aside childish things.
...
We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus -- and nonbelievers.
-- from Barack Obama's inaugural speech
Obama's speech yesterday was the first inaugural address to acknowledge the existence of nonbelievers.
Of course, it wasn't all sunshine and light.
There was Rick Warren's "Oh God, you are so big" - "It all belongs to you" - "History is your story" - bullshit prayer to Jebus. There was the "So help me God" phrase in the of the oath of office, contrary to the constitution. And there was the usual "God bless America" crap at the end.
Still, it was a great speech. I even liked Obama's use of scripture: 1 Corinthians 13:11
When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.
The time has indeed come to set aside childish things (like believing stupid things that are contrary to all existing evidence) and become a nation of nonbelievers.
Posted by Steve Wells at 1/21/2009 08:02:00 AM 6 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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10 January 2009How many animals has God killed?

And the Spirit of God came upon Saul ... And he took a yoke of oxen, and hewed them in pieces, and sent them throughout all the coasts of Israel by the hands of messengers. 1 Samuel 11:6-7
Too many to count, that's for sure.
How many animals did God drown in the flood? How many were sacrificed to him just so he could smell the sweet savor of their burning flesh?
Not even God knows that. He lost count long ago.
So I'll just list the times that God killed or commanded others to kill animals. (I wonder how many of these passages are marked green in the world's most dishonest book: The Green Bible*.)

Abel's offering: The first God-approved animal sacrifice
And Abel, he also brought of the firstlings of his flock and of the fat thereof. And the LORD had respect unto Abel and to his offering. (Genesis 4:4)
The flood of Noah: God kills every animal except those in the ark (because "The earth was filled with violence.")
And all flesh died that moved upon the earth ... All in whose nostrils was the breath of life ... they were destroyed from the earth. (Genesis 7:21-23)
After God drowns all the animals except for those in the ark, Noah killed and sacrificed to God one of every surviving "clean" animal species. "And the Lord smelled a sweet savour." (This shows God's concern for endangered species.)
And Noah builded an altar unto the LORD; and took of every clean beast, and of every clean fowl, and offered burnt offerings on the altar. And the LORD smelled a sweet savour. (Genesis 8:20-21)
God has Abram kill some animals for him: A cow, goat, ram, dove, and pigeon.
Take me an heifer of three years old, and a she goat of three years old, and a ram of three years old, and a turtledove, and a young pigeon. And he took unto him all these, and divided them in the midst. (Genesis 15:9)
God told Abraham to kill his son, but at the last moment, he changed his mind and told Abe to kill a ram for him instead.
Abraham went and took the ram, and offered him up for a burnt offering in the stead of his son. (Genesis 22:10-13)
To impress the Pharaoh, God turns the Nile into blood, killing all the fish. (It didn't work. The magicians of Egypt knew this trick, too.)
And the fish that is in the river shall die, and the river shall stink; and the Egyptians shall lothe to drink of the water of the river ... And the fish that was in the river died. (Exodus 7:18-21)
God kills all the cattle, horses, asses, camels, oxen, and sheep in Egypt.
the hand of the LORD is upon thy cattle which is in the field, upon the horses, upon the asses, upon the camels, upon the oxen, and upon the sheep: there shall be a very grievous murrain ... And the LORD did that thing on the morrow, and all the cattle of Egypt died. (Exodus 9:3-6)
God kills the (already dead) beasts of Egypt by smashing them with hail.
And the hail smote throughout all the land of Egypt all that was in the field, both man and beast. (Exodus 9:25)
God kills all the firstborn (twice-dead) Egyptian cattle. (I don't know how God figured out which were firstborn, but, hey, that's why he's God, right?)
at midnight the LORD smote all the firstborn in the land of Egypt, from the firstborn of Pharaoh that sat on his throne unto the firstborn of the captive that was in the dungeon; and all the firstborn of cattle. (Exodus 12:29)
God drowns more than 600 horses.
And he took six hundred chosen chariots, and all the chariots of Egypt ... For the horse of Pharaoh went in with his chariots and with his horsemen into the sea, and the LORD brought again the waters of the sea upon them. (Exodus 14:7; 15:1, 19)
"And Moses took the blood, and sprinkled it on the people."
[Moses] offered burnt offerings, and sacrificed peace offerings of oxen unto the LORD. And Moses took half of the blood, and put it in basons; and half of the blood he sprinkled on the altar ... And Moses took the blood, and sprinkled it on the people. (Exodus 24:5)
Moses kills a bullock for God
Aaron and his sons laid their hands upon the head of the bullock for the sin offering. And he slew it; and Moses took the blood, and put it upon the horns of the altar round about with his finger. (Leviticus 8:14-15)
Aaron kills a ram "and Moses sprinkled the blood upon the altar round about."
Aaron and his sons laid their hands upon the head of the ram. And he killed it; and Moses sprinkled the blood upon the altar round about. And he cut the ram into pieces; and Moses burnt the head, and the pieces, and the fat. (Leviticus 8:18-21)
Aaron kills another ram and "Moses took of the blood of it, and put it upon the tip of Aaron's right ear, and upon the thumb of his right hand, and upon the great toe of his right foot."
Aaron and his sons laid their hands upon the head of the ram. And he slew it,; and Moses took of the blood of it, and put it upon the tip of Aaron's right ear, and upon the thumb of his right hand, and upon the great toe of his right foot. And he brought Aaron's sons, and Moses put of the blood upon the tip of their right ear, and upon the thumbs of their right hands, and upon the great toes of their right feet: and Moses sprinkled the blood upon the altar round about. (Leviticus 8:22-24)
Aaron kills a calf for a sin offering "and he dipped his finger in the blood."
Aaron ... slew the calf of the sin offering ... And the sons of Aaron brought the blood unto him: and he dipped his finger in the blood, and put it upon the horns of the altar, and poured out the blood at the bottom of the altar: (Leviticus 9:8-9)
Aaron kills the burnt offering "and Aaron's sons presented unto him the blood, which he sprinkled round about upon the altar."
And he slew the burnt offering; and Aaron's sons presented unto him the blood, which he sprinkled round about upon the altar. (Leviticus 9:12-14)
Aaron kills a bullock for a wave offering. "And the breasts and the right shoulder Aaron waved for a wave offering before the LORD."
He slew also the bullock and the ram for a sacrifice of peace offerings, which was for the people: and Aaron's sons presented unto him the blood, which he sprinkled upon the altar round about ... And the breasts and the right shoulder Aaron waved for a wave offering before the LORD; as Moses commanded. (Leviticus 9:18-21)
Killing more animals to satisfy a blood-thirsty god.
He shall bring two turtles, or two young pigeons, to the priest ... and the priest shall offer the one for a sin offering, and the other for a burnt offering. (Numbers 6:10-20)
When Moses set up the tabernacle, each of the twelve tribes kills a bullock, lamb, ram, and a kid, two oxen, and five rams, goats, and lambs for God, for a grand total of 240 animal sacrifices. (Numbers 7:15-88)
The Levites shall lay their hands upon the heads of the bullocks: and thou shalt offer the one for a sin offering, and the other for a burnt offering." (Numbers 8:8-12)
God commands Joshua to kill every animal in Jericho (because they are "accursed" to the Lord.)
And the city shall be accursed, even it, and all that are therein, to the LORD. ... And they utterly destroyed all that was in the city, both man and woman, young and old, and ox, and sheep, and ass, with the edge of the sword. (Joshua 6:17-21)
God tells the Israelites to stone and burn to death Achan's animals (along with Achan and his family, of course).
And Joshua, and all Israel with him, took Achan ... and his sons, and his daughters, and his oxen, and his asses, and his sheep ... And Joshua said, Why hast thou troubled us? the LORD shall trouble thee this day. And all Israel stoned him with stones, and burned them with fire, after they had stoned them with stones. (Joshua 7:24-25)
More burned offerings to the Lord.
As Moses the servant of the LORD commanded ... they offered thereon burnt offerings unto the LORD, and sacrificed peace offerings. (Joshua 8:31)
The spitit of the Lord came on Samson (and he killed a lion).
Then went Samson down ... and, behold, a young lion roared against him. And the Spirit of the LORD came mightily upon him, and he rent him as he would have rent a kid. (Judges14:5-8)
The Spirit of God comes on Saul (and he hacks a yoke of oxen to death and sends the pieces throughout Israel).
And the Spirit of God came upon Saul ... And he took a yoke of oxen, and hewed them in pieces, and sent them throughout all the coasts of Israel by the hands of messengers.(1 Samuel 11:6-7)
God was angry at Saul for not killing all the Amalekite animals. Saul killed all the people (except Agag), but he kept some of their animals. Because he didn't kill everything, God repented of choosing him for king. (So he made David king instead. David liked to kill things.)
Thus saith the LORD of hosts ... Now go and smite Amalek, and utterly destroy all that they have, and spare them not; but slay both man and woman, infant and suckling, ox and sheep, camel and ass. ... And Saul smote the Amalekites ... Andand utterly destroyed all the people with the edge of the sword ... But Saul and the people spared Agag, and the best of the sheep, and of the oxen, and of the fatlings, and the lambs ... but every thing that was vile and refuse, that they destroyed utterly. ... Then came the word of the LORD unto Samuel, saying, It repenteth me that I have set up Saul to be king: for he is turned back from following me, and hath not performed my commandments. (1 Samuel 15:2-19)
When dedicating the temple, Solomon killed so many animals that it was impossible to number them. (Not even God knows how many animals were killed.)
King Solomon, and all the congregation of Israel, that were assembled unto him, were with him before the ark, sacrificing sheep and oxen, that could not be told nor numbered for multitude.(1 Kings 8:5)
Just kidding -- God knows. It was 22,000 oxen and 120,000 sheep.
And Solomon offered a sacrifice of peace offerings, which he offered unto the LORD, two and twenty thousand oxen, and an hundred and twenty thousand sheep. (1 Kings 8:63, 2 Chronicles 7:5)
To make God happy, the Israelites killed 700 oxen and 7,000 sheep (and all the non-believers).
And they offered unto the LORD the same time, of the spoil which they had brought, seven hundred oxen and seven thousand sheep. ... That whosoever would not seek the LORD God of Israel should be put to death, whether small or great, whether man or woman.(2 Chronicles 15:11-13)
Seven bullocks, seven rams, seven lambs, and seven he-goats were killed, and their blood sprinkled around. Then the carcasses were burned and they sang "the song of the Lord."
And they brought seven bullocks, and seven rams, and seven lambs, and seven he goats, for a sin offering ... So they killed the bullocks, and the priests received the blood, and sprinkled it on the altar: likewise, when they had killed the rams, they sprinkled the blood upon the altar: they killed also the lambs, and they sprinkled the blood upon the altar. And they brought forth the he goats for the sin offering ... And the priests killed them, and they made reconciliation with their blood upon the altar, to make an atonement for all Israel: for the king commanded that the burnt offering and the sin offering should be made for all Israel. ... And when the burnt offering began, the song of the LORD began.(2 Chronicles 29:21-27)
God and Satan not only killed Job's 10 children, they also killed his servants (I need to revise their kill numbers!) and burned to death his sheep.
While he was yet speaking, there came also another, and said, The fire of God is fallen from heaven, and hath burned up the sheep, and the servants, and consumed them (Job 1:16)
Jesus drowns a herd of devil-possessed pigs.
And when he was come to the other side into the country of the Gergesenes, there met him two possessed with devils, coming out of the tombs ... And, behold, they cried out, saying, What have we to do with thee, Jesus, thou Son of God? ... And there was a good way off from them an herd of many swine feeding. So the devils besought him, saying, If thou cast us out, suffer us to go away into the herd of swine. And he said unto them, Go. And when they were come out, they went into the herd of swine: and, behold, the whole herd of swine ran violently down a steep place into the sea, and perished in the waters. (Matthew 8:28-32)
Jesus drowns 2000 pigs, after driving them out of a possessed man. (Notice that the other story says there were 2 men. So I guess Jesus must have done this nasty trick twice -- or maybe the stories were just made up.)
And when he was come out of the ship, immediately there met him out of the tombs a man with an unclean spirit ... And cried with a loud voice, and said, What have I to do with thee, Jesus, thou Son of the most high God? ... And all the devils besought him, saying, Send us into the swine ... And forthwith Jesus gave them leave. And the unclean spirits went out, and entered into the swine: and the herd ran violently down a steep place into the sea, (they were about two thousand;) and were choked in the sea. (Mark 5:2-13)
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* I went back to the library to check on this. It turns out that 5 of the passages on the list are marked green in the Green Bible. Here they are, along with their comment for each.
Green Bible: "The stability of creation"
(God drowned his creation and Noah sacrificed some of the few animals that survived; this shows how much God values the stability of his creation?)
And Noah builded an altar unto the LORD; and took of every clean beast, and of every clean fowl, and offered burnt offerings on the altar. And the LORD smelled a sweet savour. (Genesis 8:20-21)
Green Bible: "Polluted river was a plague of Egypt."
(Yes, but who sent the plague? This should be marked red, not green.)
And the fish that is in the river shall die, and the river shall stink; and the Egyptians shall lothe to drink of the water of the river ... And the fish that was in the river died. (Exodus 7:18-21)
Green Bible: "The fifth plague: livestock diseased"
(God killed all the horses, asses, camels, oxen, and sheep. What excuse could there be for marking this green?)
the hand of the LORD is upon thy cattle which is in the field, upon the horses, upon the asses, upon the camels, upon the oxen, and upon the sheep: there shall be a very grievous murrain ... And the LORD did that thing on the morrow, and all the cattle of Egypt died. (Exodus 9:3-6)
Green Bible: "The seventh plague: thunder and lightening"
(God smashes animals and people with hail. This shows his concern for the environment?)
And the hail smote throughout all the land of Egypt all that was in the field, both man and beast. (Exodus 9:25)
Green Bible: "Jesus sends demons into a herd of swine."
(Yes he did. Kind of nasty, don't you think? I guess it was marked green because it had pigs and water in it.)
And when he was come to the other side into the country of the Gergesenes, there met him two possessed with devils, coming out of the tombs ... And, behold, they cried out, saying, What have we to do with thee, Jesus, thou Son of God? ... And there was a good way off from them an herd of many swine feeding. So the devils besought him, saying, If thou cast us out, suffer us to go away into the herd of swine. And he said unto them, Go. And when they were come out, they went into the herd of swine: and, behold, the whole herd of swine ran violently down a steep place into the sea, and perished in the waters. (Matthew 8:28-32)
Posted by Steve Wells at 1/10/2009 12:30:00 PM 9 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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04 January 2009How many has God killed?
I kill ... I wound ... I will make my arrows drunk with blood, and my sword shall devour flesh. -- Deuteronomy 32:39-42
See the complete list here.
Posted by Steve Wells at 1/04/2009 07:04:00 AM 80 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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03 January 2009Who has killed more, Satan or God?
And the LORD said unto Satan, Whence comest thou? Then Satan answered the LORD, and said, From going to and fro in the earth, and from walking up and down in it. Job 1:1-19
Since I revised the number on God's kill list, I also have to change the God vs. Satan killing contest results. So here it is.
In a previous post, I counted the number of people that were killed by God in the Bible. I came up with 2,476,633, which, of course, greatly underestimates God's total death toll, since it only includes those killings for which specific numbers are given. No attempt was made to include the victims of Noah's flood, Sodom and Gomorrah, or the many plagues, famines, fiery serpents, etc., with which the good book is filled. Still, 2 million is a respectable number even for world class killers.
But how does this compare with Satan? How many did he kill in the Bible?
Well I can only find ten, and even these he shares with God, since God allowed him to do it as a part of a bet. I'm talking about the seven sons and three daughters of Job.
There was a man in the land of Uz, whose name was Job ... And there were born unto him seven sons and three daughters.
...
And the LORD said unto Satan, Hast thou considered my servant Job, that there is none like him in the earth, a perfect and an upright man, one that feareth God, and escheweth evil? Then Satan answered the LORD ... put forth thine hand now, and touch all that he hath, and he will curse thee to thy face. And the LORD said unto Satan, Behold, all that he hath is in thy power; only upon himself put not forth thine hand. So Satan went forth from the presence of the LORD.
...
And there was a day when his sons and his daughters were eating and drinking wine in their eldest brother's house...And, behold, there came a great wind from the wilderness, and smote the four corners of the house, and it fell upon the young men, and they are dead; and I only am escaped alone to tell thee. -- Job 1:1-19
So it seems that both Satan and God share the blame (or the credit) for these killings. If so, then the tally would be:
 killings

God 2,476,633
 Satan 10

No contest.

Update
I've tried to assign numbers to the un-numbered killings in the Bible. You can see the detailed list here.
The results were even more lopsided: 25 million (plus or minus a few million) for God; 60 for Satan.
Here is a more complete table.  numbered killings estimated total killings
God 2,476,633 25 million
Satan 10 60


Posted by Steve Wells at 1/03/2009 08:01:00 PM 71 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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How many has God killed?
I kill ... I wound ... I will make my arrows drunk with blood, and my sword shall devour flesh. -- Deuteronomy 32:39-42
How many people did God kill in the Bible?
It's impossible to say for sure, but plenty. How many did God drown in the flood or burn to death in Sodom and Gomorrah? How many first-born Egyptians did he kill? There's just no way to count them all. (But see here for a rough estimate.)
But sometimes the Bible tells us exactly how many were killed by God. Here's a list of those that I can find. (If you find any that I've missed, let me know and I'll add them to the list.)
So far I come up with a total of 2,316,428 (not including, at least in some cases, women and children).   Verse Number killed Cumulative total 
1  God drowns everyone of earth (except Noah and his family)  Genesis 7:23  ?  ? 
2  God rains fire and brimstone on Sodom and Gomorrah, killing everyone.  Genesis 19:24  ?  ? 
3  Lot's wife for looking back  Genesis 19:26  1  1 
4  Er who was "wicked in the sight of the Lord"  Genesis 38:7, 1 Chronicles 2:3  1  2 
5  Onan for spilling his seed  Genesis 38:10  1  3 
6  A 7 year, world-wide famine  Genesis 41:25-54  ?  3 
7  7th Egyptian Plague: Hail  Exodus 9:25  ?  3 
8  God kills every Egyptian firstborn child.  Exodus 12:29-30  ?  3 
9  God drowns Egyptian army  Exodus 14:8-26  600  603 
10  God and Moses help Joshua kill the Amalekites  Exodus 17:13  ?  603 
11  Israelites for dancing naked around Aaron's golden calf  Exodus 32:27-28, 35  3000  3,603 
12  God plagued the people because of the calf that Aaron made  Exodus 32:35  ?  3,603 
13  Aaron's sons for offering strange fire before the Lord  Leviticus 10:1-3; Numbers 3:4, 26:61  2  3,605 
14  A blasphemer  Leviticus 24:10-23  1  3,606 
15  God burned people to death for complaining  Numbers 11:1  ?  3,606 
16  God sent "a very great plague" for complaining about the food.  Numbers 11:33  ?  3,606 
17  God killed ten scouts with a plague.  Numbers 14:35-36  10  3,616 
18  A man who gathered firewood on the sabbath  Numbers 15:32-36  1  3,617 
19  Korah, Dathan, and Abiram (and their families)  Numbers 16:27  3  3,620 
20  Burned to death for offering incense  Numbers 16:35  250  3,870 
21  For complaining  Numbers 16:49  14,700  18,570 
22  Massacre of the Aradites  Numbers 21:1-3  ?  18,570 
23  For complaining about the lack of food and water, God sent fiery serpents to bite the people.  Numbers 21:6  ?  18,570 
24  God delivers the Bashanites into Moses' hands and Moses kills everyone "until there was none left alive."  Numbers 21:34-35  ?  18,570 
25  Phinehas impales a mixed-race couple having sex  Numbers 25:6-8  2  18,572 
26  Israelites for "committing whoredom with the daughters of Moab"  Numbers 25:9  24,000  42,572 
27  Midianite massacre (32,000 virgins were kept alive)  Numbers 31:1-35  ?  42,572 
28  God kills the entire Israelite army  Deuteronomy 2:14-16  ?  42,572 
29  The slaughter of the Zamzummim, Horim, Avim, and the Caphtorim  Deuteronomy 2:21-22  ?  42,572 
30  God hardened the king of Heshbon's heart so that the Israelites could massacre his people. (included several cities)  Deuteronomy 2:33-34  ?  42,572 
31  All the men, women, and children in 60 cities  Deuteronomy 3:3-6  ?  42,572 
32  Massacre of Jericho  Joshua 6:21  ?  42,572 
33  Achan (and his his sons and daughters) for taking the accursed thing  Joshua 7:10-12, 24-26  1  42,573 
34  The Ai Massacre  Joshua 8:1-25  12,000  54,573 
35  God slaughters the Amorites and even chases them "along the way" as they try to escape.  Joshua 10:10-11  ?  54,573 
36  Joshua kills 5 kings and hangs their dead bodies on trees  Joshua 10:24-26  5  54,578 
37  Massacre of 7 kingdoms  Joshua 10:28-42  ?  54,578 
38  The remaining kingdoms  Joshua 11:8-12  10,000  64,578 
39  Massacre of the Anakim  Joshua 11:20-21  ?  64,578 
40  God delivers the Canaanites and Perizzites  Judges 1:4  ?  64,578 
41  The Jerusalem Massacre  Judges 1:8  ?  64,578 
42  Ten Massacres, a wedding, and some God-proof iron chariots  Judges 1:9-25  ?  64,578 
43  The LORD delivered Chushanrishathaim  Judges 3:7-10  ?  64,578 
44  Ehud delivers a message from God: a knife in the belly  Judges 3:15-22  1  64,579 
45  God delivers 10,000 Moabites  Judges 3:28-29  10,000  74,579 
46  Barak and God Massacre the Canaanites  Judges 4:14  ?  74,579 
47  Jael pounds a tent stake through a sleeping man's head  Judges 4:18-25  1  74,580 
48  God forces Midianite soldiers to kill each other  Judges 7:22, 8:10  120,000  194,580 
49  A city is massacred and 1000 burn to death because of God's evil spirit  Judges 9:23-57  ?  194,580 
50  The Ammonite massacre  Judges 11:29-33  ?  194,580 
51  Jephthah's daughter  Judges 11:34-39  1  194,581 
52  The spirit of the Lord comes on Samson and he murders 30 men for their clothes  Judges 14:19  30  194,611 
53  The Spirit of the Lord comes upon Samson and he kills 1000 men with the jawbone of an ass  Judges 15:14-15  1,000  195,611 
54  Samson's God-assisted act of terrorism  Judges 16:27-30  3,000  198,611 
55  "The Lord smote Benjamin"  Judges 20:35-37  65,100  263,711 
56  God kills Eli's sons  1 Samuel 2:25, 34; 4:11  2  263,713 
57  God smote three cities with hemorrhoids in their secret parts  1 Samuel 5:1-12  ?  263,713 
58  For looking into the ark of the Lord  1 Samuel 6:19  50,070  313,783 
59  The LORD thundered with a great thunder upon the Philistines  1 Samuel 7:  ?  313,783 
60  The Ammonite Massacre (and another God-inspired body part message)  1 Samuel 7:11-13  ?  313,783 
61  Jonathan's very first slaughter (not counting the one before)  1 Samuel 14:12  20  313,803 
62  God forces the Philistine soldiers to kill each other.  1 Samuel 14:20  ?  313,803 
63  The Amalekite Genocide  1 Samuel 15:2-3  ?  313,803 
64  Samuel hacks Agag to pieces before the Lord  1 Samuel 15:32-33  1  313,804 
65  God delivers the Philistines.  1 Samuel 23:2-5  ?  313,804 
66  "The Lord smote Nabal."  1 Samuel 25:38  1  313,805 
67  David spends the day killing Amalekites  1 Samuel 30:17  ?  313,805 
68  God has the Philistines kill Israelite soldiers  1 Samuel 31:6, 1 Chronicles 10:6  ?  313,805 
69  Saul and his three sons  1 Samuel 31:6, 1 Chronicles 10:6  4  313,809 
70  God delivers the Philistines to David (from the front)  2 Samuel 5:19, 25  ?  313,809 
71  God delivers the Philistines to David (from behind)  2 Samuel 5:19, 25  ?  313,809 
72  Uzzah for trying to keep the ark from falling  2 Samuel 6:6-7, 1 Chronicles 13:9-10  1  313,810 
73  David and Bathsheba's baby boy  2 Samuel 12:14-18  1  313,811 
74  God sent a three-year famine because of something Saul did.  2 Samuel 21:1  ?  313,811 
75  Saul's two sons and five grandsons hung up before the Lord  2 Samuel 21:6-9  7  313,818 
76  God kills 70,000 men because David did a census that God told him to do  2 Samuel 24:15, 1 Chronicles 21:14  70,000  383,818 
77  A lion is sent by God to kill a prophet for believing another prophet's lie  1 Kings 13:1-24  1  383,818 
78  Jeroboam's son  1 Kings 14:17  1  383,820 
79  Jeroboam's family  1 Kings 15:29  ?  383,820 
80  Baasha's family and friends  1 Kings 16:11-12  ?  383,820 
81  The first God-assisted slaughter of the Syrians  1 Kings 20:20-21   383,820 
82  God killed 100,000 Syrians for calling him a God of the hills  1 Kings 20:28-29  100,000  483,820 
83  God makes a wall fall on Syrian soldiers  1 Kings 20:30  27,000  510,820 
84  God sent a lion to kill a man for not smiting a prophet  1 Kings 20:35-36  1  510,821 
85  Ahab for not killing a captured king  1 Kings 20:42, 22:35  1  510,822 
86  51 men are burned to death by God for asking Elijah to come down from his hill  2 Kings 1:10  51  510,873 
87  Another 51 men are burned to death by God for asking Elijah to come down from his hill  2 Kings 1:12  51  510,924 
88  Ahaziah is killed for asking the wrong god  2 Kings 1:2-4, 17; 2 Chronicles 22:7-9  1  510,925 
89  God sent two bears to kill 42 children for making fun of Elisha's bald head  2 Kings 2:23-24  42  510,967 
90  God delivers the Moabites  2 Kings 3:18-25  ?  510,967 
91  God calls for a seven year famine.  2 Kings 8:1  ?  510,967 
92  Jehoram of Israel  2 Kings 9:24  1  510,968 
93  Jezebel  2 Kings 9:33-37  1  510,969 
94  Ahab's 70 sons  2 Kings 10:6-10  70  511,039 
95  Ahab's hometown family and friends  2 Kings 10:11  ?  511,039 
96  Ahab's family in Samaria  2 Kings 10:17  ?  511,039 
97  God sent lions to kill "some" foreigners for not fearing him enough  2 Kings 17:25-26  ?  511,039 
98  Sleeping Assyrian soldiers  2 Kings 19:35; Isaiah 37:36  185,000  696,039 
99  God caused Sennacherib to be killed by his sons  2 Kings 19:37  1  696,040 
100  Just another holy war  1 Chronicles 5:18-22  ?  696,040 
101  God killed a half million Israelite soldiers  2 Chronicles 13:15-17  500,000  1,196,040 
102  Jeroboam  2 Chronicles 13:20  1  1,196,041 
103  The Lord smote the Ethiopians.  2 Chronicles 14:9-14  1,000,000  2,196,041 
104  Everyone helped to destroy each other  2 Chronicles 20:22-25  ?  2,196,041 
105  God kills Jehoram of Judah by making his bowels fall out  2 Chronicles 21:14-19  1  2,196,042 
106  God kills Jehoram's sons  2 Chronicles 22:1  ?  2,196,042 
107  Joash, the princes of Judah, and the Judean army  2 Chronicles 24:20-25  ?  2,196,042 
108  God destroys Amaziah  2 Chronicles 25:20-22  ?  2,196,042 
109  God delivered Ahaz into the hand of the king of Syria  2 Chronicles 28:5  ?  2,196,042 
110  120,000 soldiers killed for forsaking God  2 Chronicles 28:6  120,000  2,316,042 
111  God delivered the Israelites into the hand of the Chaldeans.  2 Chronicles 36:16-17  ?  2,316,042 
112  God and Satan kill Job's children and servants  Job 1:1-19  10  2,316,052 
113  Ezekiel's wife  Ezekiel 24:15-18  1  2,316,053 
114  Ananias and Sapphira  Acts 5:1-10  2  2,316,055 
115  Herod  Acts 12:23  1  2,316,056 
116  Jesus  Eph 5:2,
Heb 10:10,
1 Pet 1:19-20,
Rev 13:8  1  2,316,057 

Posted by Steve Wells at 1/03/2009 12:19:00 PM 19 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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 28 February 2009Onan spilled it on the ground (so the Lord killed him, too)
And Er, Judah's firstborn, was wicked in the sight of the LORD; and the LORD slew him. And Judah said unto Onan, Go in unto thy brother's wife... And Onan knew that the seed should not be his; and it came to pass, when he went in unto his brother's wife, that he spilled it on the ground... And the thing which he did displeased the LORD: wherefore he slew him also. Genesis 38:7-10

This is one of my favorite Bible stories.
God kills Er for being wicked, and then kills Er's brother, Onan, for ejaculating outside the vagina of his dead brother's wife.
I think you can see what God was thinking here.
But if not, listen to Pastor Steven L. Anderson. He'll explain it all for you.


Here's an excerpt.
Tonight I want to look at this story about what caused God to kill somebody.
I mean, we're talking about a man who did one thing wrong that we know of in the whole Bible. I mean, one thing was mentioned that he did that was amiss, and yet God took it upon himself to personally kill him.
Now ask yourself this question.
How many people in the Bible did God personally kill?
Now that's a good question.
I counted 2,552,452 that God killed directly or indirectly (only included those that the Bible gave exact numbers for) and 25 million or so (with rough estimates when exact numbers are unknown).
But how many people did God kill directly? That, I haven't yet counted.
I guess I better get busy and do that.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
God's next killing: God's seven-year, world-wide famine
Posted by Steve Wells at 2/28/2009 08:32:00 AM 8 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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27 February 2009Er was wicked in the sight of the Lord (so the Lord slew him)
And Er, Judah's firstborn, was wicked in the sight of the LORD; and the LORD slew him. Genesis 38:7
This is the first of God's named murder victims.
We know his name (Er), his father's name (Judah), his mother's name (Shuah), and his wife's name (Tamar). And we know that "he was wicked in the sight of the Lord; and the Lord slew him." But that's it.
God killed Er for doing something, but the Bible doesn't say what it was. So what did Er do?
Did he get drunk and lie around naked in his tent and then curse his unborn grandson (and all of his descendants) with slavery because his son saw him drunk and naked? No that was Noah, "a preacher of righteousness".
Did he abandon his first son to die in the desert and then show his willingness to murder his second son for God as a human sacrifice? No that was Abraham, a perfect Friend of God.
Did he offer his two virgin daughters to a sex-crazed mob of angel rapers and then get drunk and impregnate them? No that was Lot, a just and righteous man.
So what was it that pissed God off so much that he just had to kill him?
You'd think if it was important enough to kill him, it would be important enough to tell us why.
God's next killing: Onan for spilling his seed
Posted by Steve Wells at 2/27/2009 01:32:00 PM 16 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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24 February 2009The Bible and the Quran agree: Lot was a just and righteous man
Before going on the God's fourth killing, I thought I'd mention something about Lot, since he played such a large role in God's second and third killings.
I don't know how anyone could read the story about Lot in Genesis 19 and still believe that the Bible is the inspired word of God.
Lot offers his daughters to a crowd of angel rapers and then gets drunk and impregnates them. That's all the Bible says about him.
And yet Lot is one of God's special heroes in both the Bible and the Quran. It is one of the things they agree on.
Here's what the Bible says:
God ... delivered just Lot ... that righteous man. 2 Peter 2:4-8
And here's the Quran:
And unto Lot we gave judgment and knowledge... And We brought him in unto Our mercy. Lo! he was of the righteous. Quran 21:74-75
Lot ... did We prefer above (Our) creatures ... We chose them and guided them unto a straight path. Quran 6:86-87
God preferred the just and righteous Lot above all his creatures. You can't get sicker than that.
Posted by Steve Wells at 2/24/2009 12:43:00 PM 16 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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17 February 2009Remember Lot's Wife (Forget Jesus)
Although this is God's fourth killing event, it is the first of God's 2,552,452 countable victims.
It's interesting that God's first countable victim is unnamed. God killed Mrs. Lot without even knowing (or at least telling us) her name.
And what was it that got God's attention? What did she do that caused him to kill her?
She looked back at the place she had lived all her life. She looked back as her family, friends, and neighbors were being smashed and burned to death by God. She looked back.

But his wife looked back from behind him, and she became a pillar of salt. Genesis 19.26
And, of course, the angel told her not to.
The angels hastened Lot, saying ... take thy wife, and thy two daughters ... Look not behind thee ... lest thou be consumed. Genesis 19:15-17
Or did he?
Who was the angel talking to here? To Lot alone or to him and his family? And if it was to Lot alone, did Lot tell his wife? Would it matter to God if no one bothered to tell her? Would he kill her anyway?
Who knows? Or cares? A God who would kill a woman for looking back as everyone she has ever known [except for her “just and righteous husband” (2 Peter 2.7-8) and her father-fucking virgin daughters (Genesis 19.30-38)] is being burned to death, is a monster God. An arbitrary, random killer.
I have met Christians who ignore this story, as they ignore pretty much everything else in the Old Testament. They sometimes call themselves "Red Letter Christians," meaning that they base their beliefs on the words of Jesus.
But Jesus believed in the story about Sodom and Gomorrah; he believed in the story about Lot's wife. He saw nothing wrong with any of it. In fact, he said that when he returns at the end of the world it will be just like that. You can check for yourself in your Red Letter Bible.
As it was in the days of Noe, so shall it be also in the days of the Son of man. They did eat, they drank, they married wives, they were given in marriage, until the day that Noe entered into the ark, and the flood came, and destroyed them all. Likewise also as it was in the days of Lot; they did eat, they drank, they bought, they sold, they planted, they builded; But the same day that Lot went out of Sodom it rained fire and brimstone from heaven, and destroyed them all. Even thus shall it be in the day when the Son of man is revealed. … Remember Lot's wife. Luke 17.26-32
Jesus had no problem with God's first two mass murders (the flood of Noah  and the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah ), or with God's killing of Lot's wife. It'll be just like that at the end of the world, if Jesus has anything to say about it. He is just as nasty as the Old Testament God. Maybe nastier.
So remember Lot's wife. And forget Jesus.
God's next killing: The Shechem and Dinah love story/massacre
Posted by Steve Wells at 2/17/2009 05:12:00 PM 22 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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07 February 2009A Damnable Doctrine
Hell is the core of Christianity; it is what Jesus came to save us from. We all deserve to go there, and there is only one way to escape: believe the right things. (Just what those things are depends on who you talk to.) And if for whatever (and however good a) reason you should die without that belief, you will be tormented forever in Hell by the God who loves you. It is as simple, cruel and absurd as that.
Here is what Charles Darwin said about it in his autobiography:
I can hardly see how anyone ought to wish Christianity to be true; for if so, the plain language of the text seems to show that the men who do not believe, and this would include my Father, Brother, and almost all my best friends, will be everlastingly punished. And this is a damnable doctrine.
It was Hell that did me in as a Christian. I, like Darwin, couldn't believe that my family and friends and billions of other nonbelievers (and religiously incorrect believers) would be tormented forever in Hell for their honest disbelief. It amazes me that anyone could.
Hell is indeed a damnable doctrine. Darwin, as usual, had it exactly right.
Posted by Steve Wells at 2/07/2009 10:45:00 AM 18 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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How many has God killed? (Complete list and estimated total)
Islam: It's mostly about going to the bathroom
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50 reasons to be ashamed (and not a fan) of Jesus
Who has killed more, Satan or God?
God's Top 50 Killings in the Bible
Where do evil spirits come from?
David, a man after God's own heart (WWDD?)
The worth of a woman: The Bible vs. the Quran
208 ways to get yourself saved
Real men pee standing up
Everybody must get stoned
Where do evil spirits come from?
What does Jesus have written on his testicles?
Which is more violent, the Bible or the Quran?
Why Christian "Marriage" is Wrong
Is it wrong to burn people to death?
The Top 50 Bible Stories for kids
Which bits of the Bible are we still to believe?
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 30 March 2009This is the Finger of God

Pharaoh's magicians were a talented bunch.
They could turn rods into snakes, the Nile into blood, and bury Egypt in frogs. But there are some things that only a god can do.
Like make lice, for example.
The magicians could match all of God's tricks until he made lice. That one they just couldn't do. So they gave up, saying, "This is the finger of God."
So now you know what the finger of God looks like.
Posted by Steve Wells at 3/30/2009 12:45:00 PM 4 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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The Seventh Plague of Egypt: Hail shall come down upon them, and they shall die
Drunk With Blood Audiobook
10. The seventh plague of Egypt: Hail

In the first of the famous ten plagues of Egypt, God forced Egyptians to drink blood (human blood according to the apocryphal book of Wisdom), and only blood, for seven days.  Since it is not possible to survive for long when only drinking blood, I estimated that one-half of the Egyptians (1.5 million) died in the first plague.
But God was only getting started. Here are the next five plagues:
Frogs. (8.1-7)
Lice. (8.16-19)
Flies (8.21-24)
All cattle in Egypt die. (9.3-6)
Festering boils on man and beast. (9.9-10)
The Bible doesn't say whether anyone died from these plagues. Frogs, lice, flies, dead animals as far as you can see, and boils covering every person and animal in Egypt. These things were probably unpleasant. But did it kill anyone? There's just no way of knowing.
But the Bible is clear about the seventh plague: hail.

Upon every man and beast which shall be found in the field … the hail shall come down upon them, and they shall die. ... So there was hail, and fire mingled with the hail, very grievous ... And the hail smote throughout all the land of Egypt all that was in the field, both man and beast. Exodus 9:19-25
So God killed everybody in Egypt who was out and about that day with fire and hail (except Israelites).
Only in the land of Goshen, where the children of Israel were, was there no hail. 9:26
But how many people would that have been?
Well, the Egyptian population is estimated to have been 3 million at the time the Exodus supposedly happened (McEvedy and Jones 1978), and God already killed half of them in the first plague. So if maybe 10% of the surviving Egyptians were in the field at the time, about 150 thousand would have been killed by God's fiery hailstorm.
God's next killing: firstborn Egyptian children
Posted by Steve Wells at 3/30/2009 10:13:00 AM 5 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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28 March 2009Billy Graham: God never tempts us to do anything wrong (except maybe to kill our children once in a while)
It's fun to read Billy Graham's answers to believers' questions.
Here's one that I especially like.
DEAR REV. GRAHAM: How do you know if it's the devil who is tempting you to do something, or if God is just testing you to see if you'll do what's right? I try to make the right choices, but I'm not sure I always know what to do. --J.T.H.
And here's the "important" part of Reverend Graham's answer.
Dear J.T.H.: The most important thing for you to remember is that God never tempts us to do anything wrong.
Yet according to the Bible, God tempted Abraham to kill his son.
God did tempt Abraham, and said unto him ... Take now thy son, thine only son Isaac, whom thou lovest, and get thee into the land of Moriah; and offer him there for a burnt offering. Genesis 22:1-2
Which means, I guess, that Billy Graham thinks it isn't wrong for a father to kill his son and offer him as a burnt offering to God. (God would never tempt anyone to do anything wrong.)

Posted by Steve Wells at 3/28/2009 12:59:00 PM 10 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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27 March 2009God's Killings in Genesis: A summary
OK. I think I'm done with Genesis now. Here's a summary.  Killing Event Verse Estimated number killed 
1 Noah's Flood  Genesis 7:23  20,000,000? 
2  Sodom and Gomorrah  Genesis 19:24  1,000? 
3  Lot's wife  Genesis 19:26 1 
4  Er who was "wicked in the sight of the Lord"  Genesis 38:7, 1 Chronicles 2:3  1 
5  Onan for spilling his seed  Genesis 38:10  1 
6  A 7 year, world-wide famine  Genesis 41:25-54  70,000 ? 
So in Genesis, there were 6 killing events, with 3 named victims, and an estimated total of 30 million or so.
But there are a few things that I've left off the list that I should mention, since they provide more evidence of God's murderous nature.
God sent "great plagues" on the Pharaoh for believing Abraham's lie (about Sarah being his sister). Since the Bible doesn't say what these plagues were or whether or not anyone died in them, I have left them off the list. Genesis 12:17
God either commanded or approved of animal sacrifices to him by Abel, Noah, and Abraham.
God threatened to kill Abimelech and his people for believing Abraham's lie (about the ever-beautiful 90 year old Sarah being his sister). Genesis 20:3-7
God told Abraham to abandon his first son (Ishmael) and Hagar (Ishmael's mother) in the desert. Genesis 21:10-14
God commanded Abraham to kill his second son (Isaac) by offering him as a burned sacrifice, and God rewarded Abraham for being willing to do so. Genesis 22:2-13
Jacob's sons tricked all of the men of a city and then killed them (after first having them all circumcised), taking their wives and children captive. God didn't seem to mind. Genesis 34:1-31 (Brick Testament Story)
"The terror of God was on cities round about them." Since the Bible doesn't say what "the terror of God" was or whether any people were killed by it, I have left it off the list. Genesis 34:5
Let me know if I've missed anything. Otherwise, I'm off to Exodus.
Posted by Steve Wells at 3/27/2009 10:16:00 AM 11 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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21 March 2009The Terror of God (God is a terrorist)
And they journeyed: and the terror of God was upon the cities that were round about them, and they did not pursue after the sons of Jacob. Genesis 35:5

So "the terror of God" was on entire cities?
It would be nice to have more details here. How did God terrorize the people in these cities? Did he fly planes into buildings or what?
I suppose God could have terrorized people without killing anyone. So I won't add this to the list of people killed by God.
But then, we already knew that God is a murderer. Now we know that he is a terrorist, too. (Or he would be if he existed.)
Posted by Steve Wells at 3/21/2009 08:22:00 AM 7 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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11 March 2009God's seven year, world-wide famine
This one is all about Joseph. There's a whole series of stupid Joseph stories in Genesis: Jacob loved Joseph more than his other children (Genesis 37.3); Joseph's brothers throw him in a well (37.24); Joseph is rescued from the well and sold to the Ishmaelites (37.28); Joseph goes to prison after being falsely accused of rape (39.20); Joseph interprets the dream of his cellmate (40.8-19); Joseph interprets the Pharaoh's dream (41.25-32); the Pharaoh makes Joseph the overseer of all of Egypt (41.33).
The Bible isn't too clear on this, but as near as I can tell, God starved everyone on earth so that Joseph could become the most powerful person in Egypt by interpreting the Pharaoh's dream so that God could get the Israelites enslaved by Pharaoh and then rescue them by sending plagues on the Egyptians. Or something like that.
OK. That all makes perfect sense. But what was the Pharaoh's dream?
Well, there were these seven fat, good looking cows that came out of the Nile, followed by seven skinny, ugly cows. The skinny cows ate the fat ones.
And it came to pass … that Pharaoh dreamed: and, behold, he stood by the river. And, behold, there came up out of the river seven well favoured kine and fatfleshed; and they fed in a meadow. And, behold, seven other kine came up after them out of the river, ill favoured and leanfleshed; and stood by the other kine upon the brink of the river. And the ill favoured and leanfleshed kine did eat up the seven well favoured and fat kine. So Pharaoh awoke. Genesis 41.1-4
Then Pharaoh had another dream. This time seven skinny heads of grain ate seven fat ones.
And he slept and dreamed the second time: and, behold, seven ears of corn came up upon one stalk, rank and good. And, behold, seven thin ears and blasted with the east wind sprung up after them. And the seven thin ears devoured the seven rank and full ears. And Pharaoh awoke, and, behold, it was a dream. 41.5-7
No one could interpret Pharaoh's dream. So they called Joseph. Joseph said it was simple. God was going to send seven good years followed by seven years of famine. And the famine would be world-wide and "very grievous."
This is the thing which … God is about to do.…There come seven years of great plenty throughout all the land of Egypt: And there shall arise after them seven years of famine. … It shall be very grievous. … The thing is established by God, and God will shortly bring it to pass. 41.28-32
Joseph said the Pharaoh should have the Egyptians store up food during the seven good years so they wouldn't starve (like everyone else) during the bad.
And it all happened just like Joseph said it would. The Pharaoh did what Joseph suggested and had Joseph oversee it all. And Joseph became the most powerful person in Egypt.
So things worked out well for Joseph, but not so well for everyone else.
When the famine struck, everyone on earth (including the Egyptians) had to buy their food from Joseph. If they couldn't make it to Egypt or didn't have enough money, they starved. It was all part of God's plan.
The seven years of dearth began to come, according as Joseph had said: and the dearth was in all lands … And the famine was over all the face of the earth … And all countries came into Egypt to Joseph for to buy corn; because that the famine was so sore in all lands. 41.54-57
But how many people starved to death during God's seven year famine?
I have no idea. But since the Bible says it was “over all the face of the earth” and was a "very grievous famine," I figure it must have been at least 70,000 or so, 10,000 each year.
God's next killing: The seventh plague of Egypt: hail
Posted by Steve Wells at 3/11/2009 09:59:00 AM 11 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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09 March 2009The Lord Tried to Kill Him: God's first failed murder attenpt
OK, I'm done with Genesis. I found five divine killing episodes.
The Flood
Sodom and Gomorrah
Lot's wife
Er
Onan
If I've missed any, let me know. I don't want to get God pissed off. I know how proud he is of his killings.
Now on to Exodus.
Which leads me to the topic of this post. It is one of the strangest stories in a book filled with strange stories. And it all happens so fast, you'll miss it if you're not careful.
But first a little background. (Context is everything, as believers like to say.)
In the previous chapter (Exodus 3), Moses has a long conversation with God, who is cleverly disguised as a burning bush. God tells Moses to return to Egypt and rescue the Israelites. God says that he will smite the Egyptians with all his wonders and all the Israelites have to do is steal the Egyptians' possessions.
But Moses is worried that the Pharaoh might not listen to him. So God teaches him some magic tricks. He shows him how to throw his rod on the ground and turn it into a snake. Then grab the snake by the tail and it becomes a rod again. How cool is that?
In case that doesn't work, God shows Moses how to make his own hand leprous, and then make it normal again.
And finally, the God's third trick is to turn water into blood. God says that that ought to do it.
But Moses is still unconvinced. What if they still don't believe him? He's not that great a public speaker, ya know.
Then God says, "Who made the dumb, deaf, and the blind? Have not I the Lord?" If he can make people dumb, deaf, and blind, he can do anything.
But Moses is still unsure of himself, so God tells him to bring his brother Aaron along. He's a smooth talker. They'll believe him.
And even if they don't, it won't matter. God says that even with all his snake, leper, and blood tricks, the Pharaoh still won't believe. Because God "will harden his heart, that he shall not let the people go."
So the whole thing is pointless, really. Moses and Aaron are going to do all the neat tricks, but they will fail because God will harden the Pharaoh's heart.
And then God throws in one more thing.
And thou shalt say unto Pharaoh, Thus saith the LORD, Israel is my son, even my firstborn: And I say unto thee, Let my son go, that he may serve me: and if thou refuse to let him go, behold, I will slay thy son, even thy firstborn. Exodus 4:22-23
And that's it. That's the context.
Now for the rest of the story.
And it came to pass by the way in the inn, that the LORD met him, and sought to kill him. Then Zipporah took a sharp stone, and cut off the foreskin of her son, and cast it at his feet, and said, Surely a bloody husband art thou to me. So he let him go: then she said, A bloody husband thou art, because of the circumcision. Exodus 4:24-26
Moses heads off on a mission from God, God meets him along the way and tries to kill him.
The Bible doesn't say why God tried to kill the guy he just taught his tricks to. But apparently it had something to do with foreskin.
Moses' son wasn't circumcised, I guess, and it really pissed off God, so he tried to kill Moses. Lucky his wife (Zipporah) quickly figured out what God was bugged about, grabbed a sharp rock and cut off her son's foreskin -- all before God could kill Moses. Whew!
OK. Try to top that story!
Can you believe that over 3 billion people believe this stuff?
(Fortunately, fewer and fewer do each day.)
Posted by Steve Wells at 3/09/2009 09:00:00 AM 15 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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08 March 2009Solomon was wiser than Heman
And Solomon's wisdom excelled the wisdom of all the children of the east country, and all the wisdom of Egypt. For he was wiser than ... Heman. 1 Kings 4:30-31
  >   
I just thought you should know that.
Posted by Steve Wells at 3/08/2009 09:20:00 AM 8 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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06 March 2009God is a redhead.

I was just re-reading the story about Shechem and Dinah, trying to decide if God deserved at least some of the credit for the resulting massacre (I decided he didn't), when I noticed that chapter 33 of Genesis didn't have a single side note. It is (or was) the first "clean" chapter in the SAB.
But then I noticed something amazing. Something that I'd never noticed before. There, in verse 10 of chapter 33, the Bible tells us what God looks like. And it's nothing like Charlton Heston.
In this verse, Jacob is talking to his brother Esau when he says this:
I have seen thy face, as though I had seen the face of God. KJV: Genesis 33:10
To see your face is like seeing the face of God. NIV: Genesis 33:10
Now this is coming from a guy who (just a few verses ago) saw God face to face. So he should know. And he says that God looks just like Esau.
Luckily, the Bible describes Esau's appearance. He was all red and hairy.
And the first came out red, all over like an hairy garment; and they called his name Esau. Genesis 25:25
Esau was so hairy, in fact, that Jacob (with his mother Rebekah's coaching) stole his father Isaac's blessing by putting goat skin on his hands and neck so he would feel like Esau to his dear old, nearly blind and dying, dad.
And Jacob said to Rebekah his mother, Behold, Esau my brother is a hairy man, and I am a smooth man... And Rebekah ... put the skins of the kids of the goats upon his hands, and upon the smooth of his neck... And he came unto his father, and said ... I am Esau thy first born. Genesis 27:11-19
So Esau was red and hairy all over his body. And God (according to a guy who had seen them both many times up close and personal) looks just like him.
(Which is kind of strange, since God hates Esau.)
So now we know what God looks like. 
Unless, of course, Jacob was a liar.
(Which he was. That's why God like him so much.)
Posted by Steve Wells at 3/06/2009 12:12:00 PM 5 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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 29 April 2009The Lord took off their chariot wheels
God's last mass murder pretty much did the trick. The night that God killed every firstborn Egyptian child and animal, Pharaoh told Moses to go.
He called for Moses and Aaron by night, and said, Rise up, and get you forth from among my people, both ye and the children of Israel; and go, serve the LORD, as ye have said. Also take your flocks and your herds, as ye have said, and be gone; and bless me also. Exodus 12:31-32
So Moses rounded up all three million or so Israelites, their flocks, herds, cattle, unleavened bread, and all the silver, gold, and clothes that they could steal from the Egyptians, and left town.
The people took their dough before it was leavened … and they borrowed of the Egyptians jewels of silver, and jewels of gold, and raiment … And they spoiled the Egyptians … about six hundred thousand on foot that were men, beside children … and flocks, and herds, even very much cattle. 12.34-38
And everything would have ended happily ever after, too, if God could have resisted the temptation to harden the Pharaoh's heart a few more times.
You see, the Pharaoh's heart was just too damned soft to suit God. So he set about hardening it a bit more. (He had to harden it 8 times in order to pull off his last killing.)
I will harden Pharaoh's heart, that he shall follow after them; and I will be honoured upon Pharaoh, and upon all his host; that the Egyptians may know that I am the LORD. 14.4
And the LORD hardened the heart of Pharaoh. 14.8
I will harden the hearts of the Egyptians, and they shall follow them: and I will get me honour upon Pharaoh, and upon all his host, upon his chariots, and upon his horsemen. And the Egyptians shall know that I am the LORD, when I have gotten me honour upon Pharaoh, upon his chariots, and upon his horsemen. 14.17-18
So God hardened Pharaoh's heart some more and got himself a little more honor.
Of course he had to kill some more Egyptians so that they would know that he is the Lord. Sometimes you have to kill people in order to get to know them better.
So that's what God did. And you saw the movie so you know the rest of the story. God parted the sea so the Israelites could cross and then drowned the Egyptian army.
The LORD said unto Moses, Stretch out thine hand over the sea, that the waters may come again upon the Egyptians … and the LORD overthrew the Egyptians in the midst of the sea. … And the waters returned, and covered the chariots, and the horsemen, and all the host of Pharaoh that came into the sea after them; there remained not so much as one of them. 14.26-28
But part I like best they didn't show in the movie. God got right out there with his wrenches and whatnot and removed the wheels from the Egyptian chariots. How cool is that?
The LORD … took off their chariot wheels. 14.24-25
That would have been fun to watch.
OK. So how many Egyptians drowned to get God some more honor?
Well, we know there were at least 600, since that's how many chariots the Pharaoh sent after the Israelites.
And he took six hundred chosen chariots, and all the chariots of Egypt, and captains over every one of them. 14.7
But along with the chariots there were “horsemen, and all the host of Pharaoh” that chased after the three million or so escaping slaves.
So although I probably greatly underestimated the imaginary number, I guessed 5000.
God's next killing: Amalekites
Posted by Steve Wells at 4/29/2009 11:12:00 AM 16 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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26 April 2009What verse is Carrie Prejean reading?

It's hard to tell, but it looks like it's from near the end of the Old Testament.
It's probably something on Biblically correct "opposite marriage."
Maybe it's
Thou hast ... madest to thyself images of men, and didst commit whoredom with them. Ezekiel 16:17
Or
For she doted upon their paramours, whose flesh is as the flesh of asses, and whose issue is like the issue of horses. Ezekiel 23:20
Or
Thou shalt ... pluck off thine own breasts: for I have spoken it, saith the Lord GOD. Ezekiel 23:34
Or
Drink thou also, and let thy foreskin be uncovered. Habakkuk 2:16
Or
Behold, I will corrupt your seed, and spread dung upon your faces. Malachi 2:3
Which verse do you think it is?
Posted by Steve Wells at 4/26/2009 06:59:00 PM 10 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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The LORD smote all the firstborn in the land of Egypt
God starts planning this mass murder in Chapter 3 of Exodus, and he doesn't stop talking about it until he kills every Egyptian firstborn child (and animal) in Exodus 12.
Here was the way God planned it.
On the night of the mass child murder, God told each Israelite family to find a year-old lamb without blemish, kill it, and wipe the blood on the top and sides of the door.
In the tenth day of this month they shall take to them every man a lamb … without blemish, a male of the first year … And ye shall … kill it in the evening. And they shall take of the blood, and strike it on the two side posts and on the upper door post of the houses. Exodus 12.3-7
That way when God came through Egypt looking for first born children and animals to kill, he would see the bloody door and “pass over” the house, saying to himself, “Oh yeah, I’m not supposed to kill any children or animals here.”
For I will pass through the land of Egypt this night, and will smite all the firstborn in the land of Egypt, both man and beast … and when I see the blood, I will pass over you, 12.12-13
And that’s what happened.
At midnight God passed through Egypt killing every Egyptian first-born child and animal.
At midnight the LORD smote all the firstborn in the land of Egypt, from the firstborn of Pharaoh that sat on his throne unto the firstborn of the captive that was in the dungeon; and all the firstborn of cattle ... and there was a great cry in Egypt; for there was not a house where there was not one dead. 12.29-30
Why did God do it?
Well, it seems that he did it mostly just to show off.
To show off his signs and wonders:
I will … smite Egypt with all my wonders. 3.20
I will harden Pharaoh's heart, and multiply my signs and my wonders in the land of Egypt. 7.3
Go in unto Pharaoh: for I have hardened his heart, and the heart of his servants, that I might shew these my signs before him. 10.1
The LORD said unto Moses, Pharaoh shall not hearken unto you; that my wonders may be multiplied in the land of Egypt. 11.9
To introduce himself to the Egyptians:
And the Egyptians shall know that I am the LORD. 7.5
To show what he can do:
Now shalt thou see what I will do to Pharaoh. 6.1
To show that there is nobody else on earth quite like him:
For I will at this time send all my plagues upon thine heart, and upon thy servants, and upon thy people; that thou mayest know that there is none like me in all the earth. 9:14
To make himself famous (so that everyone will know his name):
That my name may be declared throughout all the earth. 9.16
To give us a story to tell our children and grandchildren:
That thou mayest tell in the ears of thy son, and of thy son's son, what things I have wrought in Egypt. 10.2
To show that the whole earth belongs to him:
That thou mayest know how that the earth is the LORD's. 9.29
To prove that he is God:
In this thou shalt know that I am the LORD. 7.17
That ye may know how that I am the LORD. 10.2
To show that he likes Israelites more than Egyptians:
That ye may know how that the LORD doth put a difference between the Egyptians and Israel. 11.7
And to punish the Egyptian Gods:
Against all the gods of Egypt I will execute judgment. 12.12
Well, I guess those motives are about as good as any for a mass murder.
In any case, God is clearly proud of this one. And it's no wonder. It wasn't all that easy to pull off, even for God.
He had to harden the Pharaoh's heart eight times to make it all work out as planned. (Exodus 4.21; 7.3, 13; 9.12; 10.1, 20, 27; 11.10)
Some hearts are hard for even the Bible god to harden.
So how many were killed in this killing? Well, the population of Egypt at the time the Exodus supposedly occurred was about 3 million (McEvedy and Jones 1978). If half of the Egyptians were killed in the first plague, and 10% of the survivors were killed in the seventh (150,000), then 1,350,000 remained. If one-sixth of them were first born sons, then about 200,000 Egyptians were killed by God (or the angel sent by God to do his dirty work for him) in the tenth plague.
God's next killing: drowning the Egyptian army
Posted by Steve Wells at 4/26/2009 08:59:00 AM 13 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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18 April 2009Why Christian "Marriage" is Wrong
Christians claim that the Bible condemns gay marriage. It doesn't.*
The Bible says nothing at all about gay marriage. But it has plenty to say about Christian "marriage."
The Bible says that Christians should not marry.
(God doesn't want Christians to marry. We shouldn't either.)
Art thou loosed from a wife? seek not a wife. 1 Corinthians 7:27
For I would that all men were even as I myself.... I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I. 1 Corinthians 7:7-9
But if a Christian man decides to get married (which he shouldn't), he can have more than one wife.
If he take him another wife.... Exodus 21:10
And if he doesn't like one of his wives (like if she's unclean or ugly or something), he can divorce her.
When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favour in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house. Deuteronomy 24:1
If a Christian man gets married and then discovers on his wedding night that his new wife is not a virgin, then he and the other Christian men must stone her to death.
If any man take a wife, and go in unto her, and hate her, And give occasions of speech against her, and bring up an evil name upon her, and say, I took this woman, and when I came to her, I found her not a maid: Then shall the father of the damsel, and her mother, take and bring forth the tokens of the damsel's virginity unto the elders of the city in the gate.... But if this thing be true, and the tokens of virginity be not found for the damsel: Then they shall bring out the damsel to the door of her father's house, and the men of her city shall stone her with stones that she die: because she hath wrought folly in Israel, to play the whore in her father's house: so shalt thou put evil away from among you. Deuteronomy 22:13-17
Christians shouldn't have sex (even if they are married, which they shouldn't be).
But this I say, brethren, the time is short: it remaineth, that both they that have wives be as though they had none. 1 Corinthians 7:29
It is good for a man not to touch a woman. 1 Corinthians 7:1-2
Christian parents must beat their children (which they shouldn't have, since they shouldn't get married or have sex).
He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes. Proverbs 13:24
Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying. Proverbs 19:18
Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him. Proverbs 22:15
Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell. Proverbs 23:13-14
Good Christians must hate their families.
(If you abandon them for Jesus, he'll give you a big reward.)
If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children,and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple. Luke 14:26
And every one that hath forsaken houses, or brethren, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands, for my name's sake, shall receive an hundredfold, and shall inherit everlasting life. Mattthew 19:29
And kill their disobedient children.
If a man have a stubborn and rebellious son, which will not obey the voice of his father, or the voice of his mother ... Then shall his father and his mother lay hold on him, and bring him out unto the elders of his city ... And they shall say unto the elders of his city, This our son is stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton, and a drunkard. And all the men of his city shall stone him with stones, that he die. Deuteronomy 21:18-21
He that smiteth his father, or his mother, shall be surely put to death. Exodus 21:15
He that curseth his father, or his mother, shall surely be put to death. Exodus 21:17
For every one that curseth his father or his mother shall be surely put to death: he hath cursed his father or his mother; his blood shall be upon him. Leviticus 20:9
God commanded, saying, Honour thy father and mother: and, He that curseth father or mother, let him die the death. Matthew 15:4
And kill their families, if they have religiously incorrect ideas.
If thy brother, the son of thy mother, or thy son, or thy daughter, or the wife of thy bosom, or thy friend, which is as thine own soul, entice thee secretly, saying, Let us go and serve other gods, which thou hast not known, thou, nor thy fathers; Namely, of the gods of the people which are round about you ... Thou shalt not consent unto him, nor hearken unto him; neither shall thine eye pity him, neither shalt thou spare, neither shalt thou conceal him: But thou shalt surely kill him; thine hand shall be first upon him to put him to death, and afterwards the hand of all the people. And thou shalt stone him with stones, that he die. Deuteronomy 13:6-10
And finally, like Abraham (Susan Smith, Andrea Yates, et al.), Christian parents should be willing to kill their children for God.
And it came to pass after these things, that God did tempt Abraham, and said unto him ... Take now thy son, thine only son Isaac, whom thou lovest, and get thee into the land of Moriah; and offer him there for a burnt offering upon one of the mountains which I will tell thee of.... And Abraham stretched forth his hand, and took the knife to slay his son. Genesis 22:1-2, 10
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*The Bible tell us to kill homosexuals (Leviticus 20:13). Dead people seldom marry.
Posted by Steve Wells at 4/18/2009 08:16:00 AM 198 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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16 April 2009Legos: The perfect medium for the book of Revelation
It's impossible for a sane person to take the Book of Revelation seriously. But it can be a lot of fun to read -- especially when illustrated with legos.
The Reverend Brendan Powell Smith has begun to do stories from the book of Revelation. The first four are now available here.
What other medium could deal with this description of Jesus?
And I turned to see the voice that spake with me. And being turned, I saw seven golden candlesticks; And in the midst of the seven candlesticks one like unto the Son of man, clothed with a garment down to the foot, and girt about the paps with a golden girdle. His head and his hairs were white like wool, as white as snow; and his eyes were as a flame of fire; And his feet like unto fine brass, as if they burned in a furnace; and his voice as the sound of many waters. And he had in his right hand seven stars: and out of his mouth went a sharp twoedged sword. Revelation 1:12-16
Here's the illustration from the Brick Testament.

Now that's what Jesus looks like!
Or used to, anyway. Jesus' appearance changes a bit toward the end of Revelation. By then he has tortured and killed billions of people. And you just can't do that without messing up your clothes a bit. So Jesus' gown is dripping with blood, but he still has the sword sticking out of his mouth.
And I saw heaven opened, and behold a white horse; and he that sat upon him was called Faithful and True, and in righteousness he doth judge and make war. His eyes were as a flame of fire, and on his head were many crowns; and he had a name written, that no man knew, but he himself. And he was clothed with a vesture dipped in blood: and his name is called The Word of God. And out of his mouth goeth a sharp sword, that with it he should smite the nations: and he shall rule them with a rod of iron: and he treadeth the winepress of the fierceness and wrath of Almighty God. Revelation 19:11-15
But I guess we'll have to wait to see the new lego Jesus with his clothes dripping in blood.
Posted by Steve Wells at 4/16/2009 03:59:00 PM 8 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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08 April 2009How does God kill people? Let me count the ways.
And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died. -- Numbers 21:6
When it comes to killing people, God has quite an imagination.

Here's a summary of the many ways God killed people in the Bible. (Numbers in parentheses are the number of killing events, not the number of people killed. My very rough estimate of the total number of people killed by God is 33 million.)

The edge of the sword: God-assisted genocides and massacres (32)
Okay, it's gets a bit boring reading the same words over and over again.
And the LORD our God delivered him before us; and we smote him, and his sons, and all his people. And we took all his cities at that time, and utterly destroyed the men, and the women, and the little ones, of every city, we left none to remain. Deuteronomy 2:23-24
And thou shalt consume all the people which the LORD thy God shall deliver thee; thine eye shall have no pity upon them. Deuteronomy 7:16
And they utterly destroyed all that was in the city, both man and woman, young and old, and ox, and sheep, and ass, with the edge of the sword. Joshua 6:21
But if you are going to read the Bible, then you have to get used to it. There are 32 separate God-assisted massacres and genocides that are recorded in the Bible. And God is proud of every one of them. (See The Bible's top 10 massacres for some details.)
Here is a list of the massacres.

God and Moses help Joshua kill the Amalekites (Exodus 17:3)
"The LORD ... delivered up the Canaanites; and they utterly destroyed them and their cities." (Numbers 21:1-3)
Bashanites: " I have delivered him into thy hand, and all his people ... So they smote him, and his sons, and all his people, until there was none left him alive." (Numbers 21:34-35)
Midianites: "And they warred against the Midianites, as the LORD commanded Moses; and they slew all the males ... And Moses was wroth with the officers ... And Moses said unto them, Have ye saved all the women alive? ... Now therefore kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman that hath known man by lying with him. But all the women children, that have not known a man by lying with him, keep alive for yourselves. (Numbers 31:1-35)
Anakim: "A people great, and many, and tall, as the Anakims; but the LORD destroyed them." (Deuteronomy 2:21-22)
Heshbonites: "And the LORD our God delivered him before us; and we smote him, and his sons, and all his people. And we took all his cities at that time, and utterly destroyed the men, and the women, and the little ones, of every city, we left none to remain." (Deuteronomy 2:33-34)
Bashanites (again): "So the LORD our God delivered into our hands ... and we smote him until none was left to him remaining.... threescore cities ... And we utterly destroyed them ... utterly destroying the men, women, and children, of every city. (Deuteronomy 3:3-6)
Jericho: "And they utterly destroyed all that was in the city, both man and woman, young and old, and ox, and sheep, and ass, with the edge of the sword." (Joshua 6:21)
Ai: "Joshua drew not his hand back, wherewith he stretched out the spear, until he had utterly destroyed all the inhabitants of Ai." (Joshua 8:1-25)
7 cities: "So Joshua ... left none remaining, but utterly destroyed all that breathed, as the LORD God of Israel commanded." (Joshua 10:28-42)
Hazorites: And they smote all the souls that were therein with the edge of the sword, utterly destroying them: there was not any left to breathe: and he burnt Hazor with fire. (Joshua 11:8-12)
Anakim: "Joshua destroyed them utterly with their cities." (Joshua 11:20-21)
Canaanites and Perizzites: "and the LORD delivered the Canaanites and the Perizzites into their hand ... and they slew the Canaanites and the Perizzites." (Judges 1:4)
Moabites: "For the LORD hath delivered your enemies the Moabites into your hand ... And they slew of Moab at that time about ten thousand men, all lusty, and all men of valour; and there escaped not a man." (Judges 3:28-29)
Canaanites: "And the LORD discomfited Sisera, and all his chariots, and all his host, with the edge of the sword ... and there was not a man left." (Judges 4:14)
Ammonites: So Jephthah passed over unto the children of Ammon ... and the LORD delivered them into his hands ... And he smote them ... with a very great slaughter." (Judges 11:32-33)
"And the Spirit of the LORD came upon him, and he ... slew thirty men." (Judges 14:19)
Benjamites: "And the LORD smote Benjamin before Israel: and the children of Israel destroyed of the Benjamites that day twenty and five thousand and an hundred men:" (Judges 20:35-37)
More Benjamites: "And the men of Israel turned again upon the children of Benjamin, and smote them with the edge of the sword, as well the men of every city, as the beast, and all that came to hand: also they set on fire all the cities that they came to." (Judges 20:44-16)
God delivered the Philistines to Jonathan: "the LORD hath delivered them ... And that first slaughter, which Jonathan and his armourbearer made, was about twenty men, within as it were an half acre of land. (1 Samuel 14:12)
God orders Saul to kill every Amalekite man, woman, and child (1 Samuel 15:2-3)
God delivers the Philistines: I will deliver the Philistines into thine hand ... So David ... fought with the Philistines ... and smote them with a great slaughter." (1 Samuel 23:2-5)
God delivers the Philistines to David: "And David enquired of the LORD, saying, Shall I go up to the Philistines? wilt thou deliver them into mine hand? And the LORD said unto David, Go up: for I will doubtless deliver the Philistines into thine hand." (2 Samuel 5:19, 25)
Baasha killed everyone in the house of Jeroboam "according to the saying of the Lord." (1 Kings 15:29)
Zimri killed everyone in the house of Baasha "according to the word of the Lord." (1 Kings 16:11-12)
Religious leaders killed in a prayer contest (1 Kings 18:22-40)
God delivers the Syrians into the Israelites' hands (1 Kings 20:28-29)
Jehu killed "all that remained unto Ahab in Samaria ... according to the saying of the Lord"(2 Kings 10:16-17)
God delivers Israel into the hands of Judah (2 Chronicles 13:15-17)
"The Lord smote the Ethiopians." (2 Chronicles 14:9-14)
Judean soldiers killed for forsaking God (2 Chronicles 28:6)
God delivered the Israelites into the hand of the Chaldeans. (2 Chronicles 36:16-17)
Burning people to death (5)
Most people that I know are opposed to this sort of thing, but it's one of God's favorite ways to kill people. He did it himself (or commanded others to do it for him) 5 times in the Bible.
(See Is it wrong to burn people to death? for more on this.)
Sodom and Gomorrah (Genesis 19:24)
Aaron's sons for offering strange fire before the Lord (Leviticus 10:1-3; Numbers 3:3:4, 26:61)
An unknown number for complaining (Numbers 11:1)
For offering incense without a license (Numbers 16:35)
For worshiping the wrong god (2 Kings 1:9-12)
Lions and serpents and bears, Oh my! (5)
Remember how the Romans used to kill Christians by throwing them to the lions? Well, God thought of it first!
A lion is sent by God to kill a prophet for believing another prophet's lie (1 Kings 13:1-24)
God sent lions to kill a man for not killing a prophet (1 Kings 20:35-36)
And he sent lions to kill some foreigners for not fearing him enough (2 Kings 17:25-26)
Sometimes God made special creatures to kill people on special occasions. Like the time he sent fiery serpents (maybe even flying, fiery serpents!) to bite and kill people for complaining about the lack of food and water. (Numbers 21:6)
And then there were the bears. God sent two bears to kill 42 boys for making fun of Elisha's bald head. (2 Kings 2:23-24)
Plagues (5).
What would God be without his plagues? They became his trademark after the ten plagues of Egypt. But he didn't use them as often as you might think. I can only find 5 times that God used plagues to kill people.

God sent "a very great plague" for complaining about the food. (Numbers 11:33)
For murmuring (Numbers 14:35-36)
For complaining (Numbers 16:49)
For "committing whoredom with the daughters of Moab" (Numbers 25:9)
To punish David for his census (2 Samuel 24:15, 1 Chronicles 21:14)
Forcing people to kill each other (3).
I'm not talking about war here. Yes, God often inspired or forced people to kill each other in war (see the 32 massacres above). But that's not what this is about. In this method God forces friends, family, soldiers, and community members to kill each other.

For dancing naked around Aaron's golden calf (Exodus 32:27-28, 35)
Midianites soldiers (Judges 7:22, 8:10)
Philistine soldiers forced to kill each other (1 Samuel 14:20)
Drowning (2)
The big one -- the flood of Noah (Genesis 7:23)
The drowning of the Egyptian army (Exodus 14:27-28)
Hailstones (2)
God chases the Amorites along the way, throwing hailstones at them (Joshua 10:11)
The seventh Egyptian plague -- fiery hailstones killing man and beast (Exodus 9:25)
Stoned to death (2)
For blasphemy (Leviticus 24:10)

For picking up sticks on the Sabbath (Numbers 15:32)
Famine (2)
A three year famine for something Saul did (2 Samuel 21:1:)
A seven year famine for God knows what (2 Kings 8:1)
Eaten by worms
Herod for not giving God enough glory (Acts 12:23)

Buried alive
Korah, Dathan, and Abiram (and their families) for criticizing Moses (Numbers 16:27)

Burned and stoned to death
Achan (and his his sons and daughters) for taking the accursed thing (Joshua 7:10-12, 24-26)

Falling wall
God makes a wall fall on Syrian soldiers killing 27,000 (1 Kings 20:30)
(It was a very big wall. After the wall fell, they built a new one and put up a sign, "Watch out for falling wall". It hasn't happened since.)


Hacked to pieces before the Lord
Samuel hacks Agag to pieces before the Lord (1 Samuel 15:32-33)

Hanged before the Lord
The seven sons of Saul (2 Samuel 21:6-9)

Killed with the jawbone of an ass
Samson kills 1000 Philistines with the jawbone of an ass (Judges 15:14-15)

Killed and hung on a tree
Joshua kills 5 kings hand hangs their dead bodies on trees (Joshua 10:24-26)

Killed by an angel
Sleeping Assyrian soldiers (2 Kings 19:35, Isaiah 37:36)
("When they arose early in the morning, behold, they were all dead corpses.")

Forced to committed suicide
Saul because he didn't inquire of the Lord (1 Chronicles 10:4-6, 13-14)

A message from God (knife in the belly)
Ehud gets the message (Judges 3:15-22)

Bowels fell out
God kills Jehoram by making his bowels fall out (2 Chronicles 21:14-19)

Thrown off a wall and trampled to death
Jezebel (2 Kings 9:33-37)
("And the carcase of Jezebel shall be as dung upon the face of the field.")

Trampled to death
For not believing Elisha (2 Kings 7:17-20)

God-inspired act of terrorism
Samson's suicide attack (Judges 16:27-30)

Turned into a pillar of salt
Lot's wife for looking back (Genesis 19:26)

Scared to death
Ananias and Sapphira for not giving all their money to Peter (Acts 5:1-10)

Unknown methods: "The Lord smote them." (10)
Er for being "wicked in the sight of the Lord" (Genesis 38:1, 1 Chronicles 2:3)
Onan for spilling his seed (Genesis 38:10)
Every Egyptian firstborn child (Exodus 12:29-30)
For looking into the ark of the Lord (1 Samuel 6:9)
Nabal so that David could marry his wife (1 Samuel 25:38)
Uzzah for trying to keep the ark from falling (2 Samuel 6:6-7, 1 Chronicles 13:9-10)
David and Bathsheba's baby boy(2 Samuel 12:14-18)
Jeroboam (2 Chronicles 13:20)
Ahaziah for talking to the wrong God (2 Kings 1:2-4, 2 Chronicles 22:7-9)
Ezekiel's wife just for the heck of it (Ezekiel 24:15-18)
Here's a handy chart you can put on your wall.

Posted by Steve Wells at 4/08/2009 08:05:00 PM 7 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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The Passover Plot -- God's Intelligently Designed Mass Murder
(Re-post for Passover)
Today at sunset is the beginning of Passover, a religious festival celebrating the mass murder of every non-Jewish "firstborn in the land of Egypt, both man and beast." And the murderer is God himself.
Of course God had a motive for the murders. The Israelites (his favorite people) were enslaved by the Pharaoh, and God wanted them to be set free. And he tried all sorts of things to get Pharaoh's attention.
First he taught Moses some magic tricks. Like how to throw his rod on the ground and turn it into a snake. Then grab the snake by the tail and make it a rod again.
And the LORD said unto him, What is that in thine hand? And he said, A rod. And he said, Cast it on the ground. And he cast it on the ground, and it became a serpent; and Moses fled from before it. And the LORD said unto Moses, Put forth thine hand, and take it by the tail. And he put forth his hand, and caught it, and it became a rod in his hand. Exodus 4:2-4
Next God showed Moses how to make his hand leprous and then cure it.
And the LORD said furthermore unto him, Put now thine hand into thy bosom. And he put his hand into his bosom: and when he took it out, behold, his hand was leprous as snow. And he said, Put thine hand into thy bosom again. And he put his hand into his bosom again; and plucked it out of his bosom, and, behold, it was turned again as his other flesh. Exodus 4:6-7
And finally, God taught Moses to turn water into blood.
And it shall come to pass, if they will not believe also these two signs, neither hearken unto thy voice, that thou shalt take of the water of the river, and pour it upon the dry land: and the water which thou takest out of the river shall become blood upon the dry land. Exodus 4:9
God knew that none of this would work though, since he planned to harden Pharaoh's heart. (I guess he just wanted Moses to show off his magic tricks in front of Pharaoh anyway.)
And the LORD said unto Moses, When thou goest to return into Egypt, see that thou do all those wonders before Pharaoh, which I have put in thine hand: but I will harden his heart, that he shall not let the people go. Exodus 4:21
So God teaches Moses the magic tricks and then hardens the Pharaoh's heart to ensure that the tricks won't work. How's that for an intelligently designed plan?
But God had another plan up his sleeve: murder.
And thou shalt say unto Pharaoh, Thus saith the LORD, Israel is my son, even my firstborn: And I say unto thee, Let my son go, that he may serve me: and if thou refuse to let him go, behold, I will slay thy son, even thy firstborn. Exodus 4:23
In the very next verse, God's plans are interrupted by another divine impulse to kill. God tries to kill Moses!
 And it came to pass by the way in the inn, that the LORD met him, and sought to kill him. Exodus 4:24
The Bible doesn't say why God tried to kill Moses, but it had something to do with foreskins. Here's what the holy book says.
Then Zipporah [Moses' wife] took a sharp stone, and cut off the foreskin of her son, and cast it at his feet, and said, Surely a bloody husband art thou to me. Exodus 4:25
Makes sense to me. But back to the main murder story.
Moses recruits his brother, Aaron, to be his spokesman (since Moses has "uncircumscribed lips") and Aaron performs the rod to serpent magic trick for the Pharaoh. But darn it all! Pharaoh's magicians know that trick, too. Luckily it ends well, since Aaron's rod/snake swallows theirs.
 And Aaron cast down his rod before Pharaoh, and before his servants, and it became a serpent. Then Pharaoh also called the wise men and the sorcerers: now the magicians of Egypt, they also did in like manner with their enchantments. For they cast down every man his rod, and they became serpents: but Aaron's rod swallowed up their rods. Exodus 7:10-12
Even with such a great trick, the Pharaoh was still unconvinced. But then I guess that was because God hardened his heart again.
And he hardened Pharaoh's heart, that he hearkened not unto them.Exodus 7:13
So enough with the tricks. It's time for God to get serious. He begins with the famous ten plagues of Egypt. I won't go through all that, since I want to complete this post while it's still passover. But here's a list.
Rivers turned to blood. (Pharaoh's magicians did this one too.) Exodus 7:17-24 BT
Frogs. (The magicians know the frog trick too!) Exodus 8:1-7 BT
Lice. (This is the first trick that the magicians couldn't do. I guess lice are harder to make than frogs.) Exodus 8:16-19 BT
Flies (continuing the frogs and lice theme) Exodus 8:21 BT
All cattle in Egypt die. Exodus 9:3-6 BT
Boils and blains upon man and beast. Exodus 9:9 BT
Hail. Exodus 9:19 BT
Locusts. Exodus 10: 4-15 BT
Three days of darkness. Exodus 10:21-23 BT
God kills all Egyptian firstborn humans and animals. Exodus 12: 29-30 BT
It is, of course, the last plague that is celebrated at passover, with the focus on how God knew who to kill.
Even for God, mass murder is a complicated and messy business. But God learned from his previous mistakes. In Noah's flood and at Sodom and Gomorrah, God didn't worry too much about collateral damage. He just drowned or burned to death everyone (except Noah, Lot, and some family members). This time, though, God wanted to be more selective in his killings.
So how did he decide which children to kill? Well, here's what he came up with.
Speak ye unto all the congregation of Israel, saying ... they shall take to them every man a lamb ... without blemish, a male of the first year ... and the whole assembly of the congregation of Israel shall kill it in the evening. And they shall take of the blood, and strike it on the two side posts and on the upper door post of the houses. ... For I will pass through the land of Egypt this night, and will smite all the firstborn in the land of Egypt, both man and beast. ... And when I see the blood, I will pass over you, and the plague shall not be upon you to destroy you, when I smite the land of Egypt. Exodus 12: 3-13
You've got to hand it to God. That is quite a plan.
God himself will come down and kill every firstborn child and animal (How did he know which was firstborn?) except for in houses that had lamb's blood smeared on door posts. But if he sees blood on door posts he will "passover" that house and refrain from murdering any children or pets.
And, if you are foolish and nasty enough to believe in the Bible, that is exactly what God did.
 At midnight the LORD smote all the firstborn in the land of Egypt, from the firstborn of Pharaoh that sat on his throne unto the firstborn of the captive that was in the dungeon; and all the firstborn of cattle ... and there was a great cry in Egypt; for there was not a house where there was not one dead. Exodus 12: 29-30
How could anyone celebrate passover or worship the God of the passover plot?
Posted by Steve Wells at 4/08/2009 05:16:00 PM 76 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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 20 May 2009The Lord plagued the people because of the calf that Aaron made
In his last killing, God forced the Israelites to kill each other. (The Levites volunteered for the job of "being on the Lord's side" by killing their family, friends, and neighbors for God.) The resulting death toll was 3000.
But this didn't quite satisfy God. He needed to kill some more. So he sent a plague.
And the LORD plagued the people, because they made the calf, which Aaron made. Exodus 32:35
Since the Bible doesn't say how many people God killed in this plague, I'll just add another thousand to God's total.
God's next killing: Aaron's sons

Posted by Steve Wells at 5/20/2009 07:12:00 AM 6 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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18 May 2009Who is on the Lord's side? (Forcing friends and family to kill each other)
In his previous killings, God killed indiscriminately. He drowned everyone and everything in the flood, smashed people with burning stones at Sodom and Gomorrah, and killed every Egyptian firstborn child and animal just for the heck of it. So I guess we should be used to this sort of thing by now.
But in this killing, God forces 3000 friends and family members to kill each other. That seems kind of nasty even for a very nasty god.
Here are the gory details.
 Moses was up on Mount Sinai getting the ten commandments from God. Since he'd been gone so long (he'd been up there for 40 days) the people began to wonder if he'd ever come back, so they asked Aaron to make some other gods for them. Aaron thought that was a pretty good idea, so he:
... said to them, Break off the golden earrings, which are in the ears of your wives, of your sons, and of your daughters, and bring them unto me ... And ... he had made it a molten calf. Exodus 32:2-4
You might think that a bunch of runaway slaves wouldn't have much gold. But God told them to steal whatever jewelry they could find from the Egyptians. (This was before God gave them the ten commandments, so it was OK to do back then.)
The children of Israel did according to the word of Moses; and they borrowed of the Egyptians jewels of silver, and jewels of gold, and raiment. And the LORD gave the people favour in the sight of the Egyptians, so that they lent unto them such things as they required. And they spoiled the Egyptians. Exodus 12:35-36
I guess God wanted them to have enough gold to make a golden calf. It was all a part of his plan.
So the people gave Aaron their stolen gold and Aaron made a golden calf.
Now making a golden calf out of a bunch of ear rings and a campfire might seem hard to you. But Aaron just threw them all onto a fire and out came a golden calf. Really.
And I [Aaron] said unto them, Whosoever hath any gold, let them break it off. So they gave it me: then I cast it into the fire, and there came out this calf. Exodus 32:24
It was a miracle. God made the golden calf when Aaron threw the jewelry on the fire. It was all part of his plan.
In any case, when Moses came down from the mountain, he saw the people dancing naked ("for Aaron had made them naked") around the golden calf. So he smashed the stone tablets, burned the golden calf, ground it into a powder, sprinkled it on water, and then forced everyone (all 3 million of them) to drink it.
But Moses was just getting started. Here's what he said next:
Who is on the Lord's side? .... Thus saith the LORD God of Israel, Put every man his sword by his side, and go in and out from gate to gate throughout the camp, and slay every man his brother, and every man his companion, and every man his neighbour ... and there fell of the people that day about three thousand men. Exodus 32:26-28
So those on God's side went out and killed 3000 of their friends, neighbors, and family members. (A question for believers: Are you on the Lord's side? Are you willing to kill your family, friends, and neighbors for God?)
But God still wasn't satisfied. When he first found out about the golden calf and the naked dancing he wanted to kill everyone, but Moses talked him out of it. Imagine that. Moses is a nicer guy than God. (Read Numbers 31:14-18- to see the implication here.)
So:
The LORD plagued the people, because they made the calf, which Aaron made. Exodus 32:25
And I have another killing to add to God's list.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This killing is highlighted in the Poverty and Justice Bible.
The Lord God of Israel commands you to strap on your swords and go through the camp killing your relatives, friends, and neighbours.
I guess it shows God's sense of justice.
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God's next killing: The Lord plagued the people because of the calf that Aaron made

Posted by Steve Wells at 5/18/2009 04:33:00 PM 30 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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17 May 2009God tortures everyone except 144,000 Jews (and other new Brick Testament stories from the Book of Revelation)
The new Brick Testament stories are out!
Here are some of my favorite scenes, along with links to the BT stories themselves.
Be sure to read them all. It's the only sane way to read the Book of Revelation.




(Be sure to notice the blasphemous name on the Beast's head.)

Posted by Steve Wells at 5/17/2009 09:11:00 PM 4 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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Inspired by the Bible: Rumsfeld's Secret Holy War
GQ has released copies of secret intelligence briefing covers that were sent by Donald Rumsfeld to president Bush and his senior military staff just after the 2003 invasion of Iraq. Here they are, along with links to the Bible verses.
Joshua 1:9

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1 Chronicles 16:11

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Psalm 33:16-19

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Psalm 139:9-10

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Proverbs 16:3

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Isaiah 5:28

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Isaiah 6:8

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Isaiah 26:2

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Daniel 5:5-28

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Ephesians 6:13

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1 Peter 2:15

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Posted by Steve Wells at 5/17/2009 02:27:00 PM 13 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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04 May 2009The Lord will have war with Amalek from generation to generation
Before the Israelites had even left Egypt, they began to do what they do best: complain.
They complain when they see the Pharaoh's chariots.
When Pharaoh drew nigh, the children of Israel lifted up their eyes, and, behold, the Egyptians marched after them; and they were sore afraid: and the children of Israel cried out unto the LORD. And they said unto Moses, Because there were no graves in Egypt, hast thou taken us away to die in the wilderness? wherefore hast thou dealt thus with us, to carry us forth out of Egypt? Is not this the word that we did tell thee in Egypt, saying, Let us alone, that we may serve the Egyptians? For it had been better for us to serve the Egyptians, than that we should die in the wilderness. Exodus 14.10-12
They complain when they’re starving to death.
The whole congregation of the children of Israel murmured against Moses and Aaron in the wilderness: And the children of Israel said unto them, Would to God we had died by the hand of the LORD in the land of Egypt, when we sat by the flesh pots, and when we did eat bread to the full; for ye have brought us forth into this wilderness, to kill this whole assembly with hunger. Exodus16.2-3
They complain when dying of thirst.
There was no water for the people to drink. Wherefore the people did chide with Moses, and said, Give us water that we may drink. And Moses said unto them, Why chide ye with me? wherefore do ye tempt the LORD? And the people thirsted there for water; and the people murmured against Moses, and said, Wherefore is this that thou hast brought us up out of Egypt, to kill us and our children and our cattle with thirst? Exodus 17.1-3
Before long, God will have to respond to their complaints with several mass murders. But we'll leave that for another time.
Because now it's time for some Holy War.
The Amalekites show up and the fight begins. God controls the whole thing with some remote control magic tricks. Every time Moses holds his hands up, the Amalekites are slaughtered by the Israelites. When he gets tired and lets his arms down, the situation is reversed.
When Moses held up his hand, that Israel prevailed: and when he let down his hand, Amalek prevailed. 17.11
Eventually they had to set some rocks under Moses' arms to make sure that the right people got killed.
But Moses hands were heavy; and they took a stone, and put it under him, and he sat thereon; and Aaron and Hur stayed up his hands. 17.12
But it all worked out just fine.
Joshua discomfited Amalek and his people with the edge of the sword. 17.13
It's too bad, though, that the Bible doesn't say how many Amalekites died in this magical holy war, because now I'll just have to guess. Oh heck, let's just call it 1000.
But God was far from done with the Amalekites. In fact, he is fighting with them still and commands us all to kill them wherever and whenever we see them.
The LORD said unto Moses, Write this for a memorial in a book, and rehearse it in the ears of Joshua: for I will utterly put out the remembrance of Amalek from under heaven. Exodus 17.14
The LORD hath sworn that the LORD will have war with Amalek from generation to generation. Exodus 17.16
Thou shalt blot out the remembrance of Amalek from under heaven; thou shalt not forget it. Deuteronomy 25:19
So if you happen to see an Amalekite, you know what to do.
God's next killing: Who is on the Lord's side?
Posted by Steve Wells at 5/04/2009 08:50:00 AM 14 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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01 May 2009A note about the Exodus
It didn't happen.
God didn't kill the Egyptian firstborn or drown Pharaoh's army in the sea. He didn't drown people in a world-wide flood or smash them with burning stones at Sodom and Gomorrah. And he didn't kill Onan for spilling his seed or turn Lot's wife into a pillar of salt. None of this stuff happened.
These are all just stupid stories that no one should take seriously. The God of the Bible didn't kill anyone, because the God of the Bible doesn't exist.
But since half of the world still believes in him, I'll keep counting the number of people believers believe that he killed.
So let's pretend that the Bible is true and try taking the Exodus seriously.
Imagine Moses organizing the Exodus. He rounds up all the people (with their animals, baked goods, and silver, gold, and clothes that they stole from the Egyptians) and gets them all lined up and ready to go. Each family follows the next with a meter or so between them.
The Bible tells us that 600,000 men left Egypt in the Exodus, so there must have been about that many families. If each family was one meter apart, the line would be 600 kilometers long. That's longer than the entire Exodus route from the the Nile delta to Israel, even allowing for a bit of wandering around in the wilderness. So the front of the line would have arrived in Israel before the those at the end left Egypt. Yet the Bible says the trip took 40 years (everything takes 40 years in the Bible).
OK. So let's say it took 40 years. How fast were they walking? If the entire trip was 600 kilometers, then they would have had to walk a bit more than 1 kilometer per month (about 40 meters a day).
Of course there's no evidence that any of this happened. And if several million people were roaming around for 40 years in the Sinai desert, they would have left some evidence. But they didn't.
That's because it didn't happen.
Posted by Steve Wells at 5/01/2009 08:21:00 PM 31 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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 29 June 2009While the flesh was still between their teeth, the Lord smote them with a very great plague
In his last killing, God burned people to death for complaining. I suppose this was to teach the people a lesson: Don't whine.
But if so, it didn't work. Those that survived God's fire immediately began to whine again, saying
Who shall give us flesh to eat? We remember the fish, which we did eat in Egypt freely; the cucumbers, and the melons, and the leeks, and the onions, and the garlick: But now our soul is dried away: there is nothing at all, beside this manna, before our eyes. Numbers 11:4-6
So Moses and God talk things over and God says he'll give them meat, alright. He'll feed them meat until it comes out their noses!
Ye shall not eat one day, nor two days, nor five days, neither ten days, nor twenty days; But even a whole month, until it come out at your nostrils, and it be loathsome unto you. Numbers 11:19-20
Where did God get the meat, you ask? From quail. Lots and lots of quail.
And there went forth a wind from the LORD, and brought quails from the sea, and let them fall by the camp, as it were a day's journey on this side, and as it were a day's journey on the other side, round about the camp, and as it were two cubits high upon the face of the earth. Numbers 11:31
God coated the ground with dead quail. A meter deep, within a circle 60 kilometers in diameter. Six trillion (6 x 1012) dead quail. A couple million for each of several million people.
So everyone had plenty of meat to eat. And the moral of the story is this: If you are hungry, just ask God to feed you. You may get more than you want. You may get so much that it comes out your nose. But God will feed you.
Or that would be the moral, if it weren't for the next verse.
And while the flesh was yet between their teeth, ere it was chewed, the wrath of the LORD was kindled against the people, and the LORD smote the people with a very great plague. Numbers 11:33
So God fed the people quail until it came out their noses and then killed many of them with "a very great plague."
Which means we need a new moral for this WTF Bible Story: If you are hungry, don't ask God for help. He'll force you to eat food that you don't like until it comes out your nose and then he'll kill you in a plague.
God hates whiners.
(Since this was "a very great plague," I put the death toll at 10,000.)
God's next killing: Ten scouts are killed for their honest report

Posted by Steve Wells at 6/29/2009 04:22:00 PM 9 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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28 June 2009When the people complained, God burned them to death
Here's a fun little Bible story for you.
It all happens in just two verses.

And when the people complained, it displeased the LORD: Numbers 11:1a
The Bible doesn't say what the people were complaining about. Spending years wandering around the desert following a cloud around? Not having enough food or water? It doesn't say.
But whatever it was, God heard it. (He had his hearing aid on.)
and the LORD heard it; Numbers 11:1b
So what do you think God did? Did he explain why he was leading them around for 40 years without adequate food or water on a trip that should have taken a few weeks?
Not quite. Here's what he did.
and his anger was kindled; and the fire of the LORD burnt among them, and consumed them that were in the uttermost parts of the camp. Numbers 11:1c
I don't know for sure, of course, but I think God was trying to teach parents a lesson here. When your kids complain, burn them to death. God teaches best when he teaches by example.
Finally the people beg Moses to make God stop. And God stopped burning people to death.
And the people cried unto Moses; and when Moses prayed unto the LORD, the fire was quenched. Numbers 11:2
Don't you just love happy endings?
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(For those keeping score: The Bible doesn't say how many people were burned to death in this episode. So I just guessed 100.)
This killing is highlighted in the Poverty and Justice Bible. Here's how they put it.
One day the Israelites started complaining about their troubles. The Lord heard them and became so angry that he destroyed the outer edges of their camp with fire.
This shows God's sense of justice. If you complain about your troubles, God will burn you to death.
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God's next killing: While the flesh was still between their teeth, the Lord smote them with a very great plague
Posted by Steve Wells at 6/28/2009 09:22:00 PM 7 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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22 June 2009God's Killings in Leviticus
I can only find two killings in Leviticus, but they are both doosies.

God burned to death Aaron's sons for offering "strange fire."
Leviticus 10:1-3


A blasphemer is stoned to death at God's command.
Leviticus 24:11-23

And although God only kills three people, he orders everyone else to kill plenty of others.
Some he wants you to stone to death.

Blasphemers Leviticus 24:16
People with "familiar spirits" (witches, fortune tellers, etc.) Leviticus 20:27
And others you must burn.

A man that has sex with his wife and mother-in-law (burn all three) Leviticus 20:14
A priest's daughter who "plays the whore" Leviticus 21:9
But most he just says you should kill, without specifying the method. (Although you should make sure, whatever method you use, that "their blood be upon them." It's probably best to use a humane, God-approved method like stoning or burning.)

Children who curse their parents Leviticus 20:9
Both parties in adultery Leviticus 20:10
If a man has sex with his father's wife (kill them both) Leviticus 20:11
A man that "lies" with his daughter-in-law (kill them both) Leviticus 20:12
A man that has sex with another man (kill them both) Leviticus 20:13
A man or woman that "lies with a beast" (kill man or woman and the beast) Leviticus 20:15-16
And of course God wants you to kill animals for him. Lots and lots of animals.
Indeed, the first 9 chapters of Leviticus can be summarized as follows: Get an animal, kill it, sprinkle the blood around, cut the dead animal into pieces, wave the body parts over your head, and burn the whole bloody mess for a "sweet savor unto the Lord."
And what if you refuse to kill all these people and animals?
Here's what God will do to you.
If ye will not hearken unto me, and will not do all these commandments; And if ye shall despise my statutes, or if your soul abhor my judgments, so that ye will not do all my commandments, but that ye break my covenant: I also will do this unto you; I will even appoint over you terror, consumption, and the burning ague, that shall consume the eyes, and cause sorrow of heart: and ye shall sow your seed in vain, for your enemies shall eat it.
...
I will also send wild beasts among you, which shall rob you of your children
...
And ye shall eat the flesh of your sons, and the flesh of your daughters shall ye eat. Leviticus 26:14-29
So it's up to you. Burn, stone, kill and slosh the blood of dead animals round about. Or God will force you to eat your children. It's just that simple.
And now on to God's killings in the Book of Numbers.
Posted by Steve Wells at 6/22/2009 09:17:00 AM 39 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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17 June 2009OMG: A blasphemer is stoned to death

Remember the stoning scene from Monty Python's The Life of Brian? A man (Matthias, Son of Deuteronomy of Gath) is about to be stoned to death for blasphemy. Here's what he says in his own defense:
I had a lovely supper and all I said to my wife was, "That piece of halibut was good enough for Jehovah."
Well, this story from Leviticus is pretty much the same, except here two guys are fighting and one of them blasphemes. It probably looked something like this.

So they bring him to Moses and God tells Moses that everyone must stone the blasphemer to death. So that's what they did.
And they brought him unto Moses. ... And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying, Bring forth him that hath cursed without the camp; and let all that heard him lay their hands upon his head, and let all the congregation stone him. ... And he that blasphemeth the name of the LORD, he shall surely be put to death, ... And Moses spake to the children of Israel, that they should bring forth him that had cursed out of the camp, and stone him with stones. And the children of Israel did as the LORD commanded Moses. Leviticus 24:11-23
As Matthias, Son of Deuteronomy of Gath would have said, "Jehovah, Jehovah, Jehovah, Jehovah!"
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God's next killing: When the people complained, God burned them to death
Posted by Steve Wells at 6/17/2009 01:06:00 PM 5 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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11 June 2009God burns Aaron's sons to death for offering "strange fire"

Here's a nice Bible story for Father's Day.
And Nadab and Abihu, the sons of Aaron, took either of them his censer, and put fire therein, and put incense thereon, and offered strange fire before the LORD, which he commanded them not. And there went out fire from the LORD, and devoured them, and they died before the LORD. Leviticus 10:1-2
Aaron's sons offered some sort of strange fire to God, and it pissed God off so much that he burned them to death.
I guess the moral of the story is this: Don't play with fire or God will burn you to death. God fights fire with fire.
But I like Moses' explanation even better. Here's what he said to Aaron right after God burned Aaron's sons to death.
Then Moses said unto Aaron, This is it that the LORD spake, saying, I will be sanctified in them that come nigh me, and before all the people I will be glorified. Leviticus 10:3a
God burned Aaron's sons alive so that God would "be sanctified in them" and so that he would "be glorified."
That helps.
Moses warned Aaron not to mourn the death of his sons (by uncovering his head or tearing his clothes) or God would kill him too, along with all the people.
And Moses said unto Aaron, and unto Eleazar and unto Ithamar, his sons, Uncover not your heads, neither rend your clothes; lest ye die, and lest wrath come upon all the people. Leviticus 10:6
So Aaron did as he was told, and watched in silence as his sons were burned to death by God.
And Aaron held his peace. Leviticus 10:3b
In this story, who the biggest asshole: Moses, Aaron, or God?
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Note: I revised this post to include the bit about Moses forbidding Aaron to mourn the death of his sons. Somehow I missed that, and I thank Wise Fool for pointing it out in the comments. (If I'd paid more attention to the Brick Testament story, I would have caught that!)

God's next killing: A blasphemer is stoned to death

Posted by Steve Wells at 6/11/2009 12:45:00 PM 25 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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10 June 2009God's Killings in Exodus: A summary
Here's a summary of God's killings in Exodus. Let me know if I missed any.  Killing Event Verse Estimated number killed Cumulative total 
1  Hail  Exodus 9:19-25  300,000  300,000 
2  Egyptian firstborn  Exodus 12:29-30  1,000,000  1,300,000 
3  Egyptian army  Exodus 14:24-25  5,000  1,305,000 
4  Amalekites  Exodus 17:10-16  1,000  1,306,000 
5  God forced Israelites to kill each other as punishment for Aaron's golden calf  Exodus 32:26-28  3,000  1,309,000 
6  God sends a plague to punish the Israelites (again) for Aaron's golden calf  Exodus 32:35  1,000  1,310,000 
So in Exodus, there were 6 killing events and an estimated total of 1.3 million or so.
And now on to Leviticus.
Posted by Steve Wells at 6/10/2009 12:24:00 PM 10 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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07 June 2009The Psalms: Imprecatory Prayers for Christian Terrorists
Wiley Drake, a former Southern Baptist Convention officer, says the the murder of George Tiller was an answer to "imprecatory prayer" and that he is praying for Barack Obama's death.
Drake says that imprecatory prayer (praying for the misfortune or death of one's enemies) is found throughout scripture, particularly in the Psalms.
And he's right about that. Here are some of the verses from Psalms that Wiley especially likes.
Let their way be dark and slippery: and let the angel of the LORD persecute them. ... Let destruction come upon him at unawares Psalm 35:6-8
Let death seize upon them, and let them go down quick into hell. Psalm 55:15
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth ... let them be as cut in pieces. ... The righteous shall rejoice when he seeth the vengeance: he shall wash his feet in the blood of the wicked.Psalm 58:6-10
Thou therefore, O LORD God of hosts, the God of Israel, awake to visit all the heathen: be not merciful to any wicked transgressors. ... they make a noise like a dog ... Behold, they belch out with their mouth ... But thou, O LORD, shalt laugh at them; thou shalt have all the heathen in derision. ... The God shall let me see my desire upon mine enemies. Psalm 59:5-10
Consume them in wrath, consume them ... let them make a noise like a dog. Psalm 59:13-14
But God shall wound the head of his enemies ... That thy foot may be dipped in the blood of thine enemies, and the tongue of thy dogs in the same. Psalm 68:21-23
Let their eyes be darkened, that they see not; and make their loins continually to shake. Pour out thine indignation upon them, and let thy wrathful anger take hold of them. Let their habitation be desolate ... Add iniquity unto their iniquity: and let them not come into thy righteousness. Let them be blotted out of the book of the living. Psalm 69:23-28
So persecute them with thy tempest, and make them afraid with thy storm. Fill their faces with shame ... Let them be confounded and troubled for ever; yea, let them be put to shame, and perish: Psalm 83:15-17
Set thou a wicked man over him: and let Satan stand at his right hand. When he shall be judged, let him be condemned: and let his prayer become sin. Let his days be few; and let another take his office. Let his children be fatherless, and his wife a widow. Let his children be continually vagabonds, and beg: let them seek their bread also out of their desolate places. Let the extortioner catch all that he hath; and let the strangers spoil his labour. Let there be none to extend mercy unto him: neither let there be any to favour his fatherless children. Let his posterity be cut off; and in the generation following let their name be blotted out. Let the iniquity of his fathers be remembered with the LORD; and let not the sin of his mother be blotted out. Psalm 109:6-14
Surely thou wilt slay the wicked, O God ... Do not I hate them, O LORD, that hate thee? ... I hate them with perfect hatred: I count them mine enemies. Psalm 139:19-22
Let burning coals fall upon them: let them be cast into the fire; into deep pits, that they rise not up again. Psalm 140:10
Let the saints be joyful in glory: let them sing aloud upon their beds. Let the high praises of God be in their mouth, and a two-edged sword in their hand; To execute vengeance upon the heathen, and punishments upon the people; To bind their kings with chains, and their nobles with fetters of iron. Psalm 149:5-8
Most Christians are embarrassed by these verses, as they are with most of the Bible. Maybe it's time for them to admit the obvious: the Bible is not a good book and it was not inspired by a kind and loving God.
Posted by Steve Wells at 6/07/2009 07:57:00 AM 8 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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06 June 2009What does Jesus have written on his testicles?
OK, I'm not sure about this. Jesus might not have anything written on his testicles.
But he does have something written on his thigh, at least if you believe the Book of Revelation.
And he hath on his vesture and on his thigh a name written, KING OF KINGS, AND LORD OF LORDS. Revelation 19:16
Here's what it looks like.

But since "thigh" is a biblical euphemism for testicle, it may be that Jesus has "King of Kings and Lord of Lords" tattooed on his testicles (or more likely, his scrotum).
Wouldn't that be cool?
I'll bet he has "King of Kings" on one side, and "Lord of Lords" on the other.
He's the type.
And it would go well with the rest of his outfit.
And I saw heaven opened, and behold a white horse; and he that sat upon him was called Faithful and True, and in righteousness he doth judge and make war. His eyes were as a flame of fire, and on his head were many crowns ... And he was clothed with a vesture dipped in blood ... And out of his mouth goeth a sharp sword, that with it he should smite the nations: and he shall rule them with a rod of iron. Revelation 19:11-13, 15

Posted by Steve Wells at 6/06/2009 08:59:00 AM 22 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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05 June 2009The great winepress of the wrath of God (How many will Jesus kill with his sickle?)
(Since the Brick Testament just added this story, I thought I'd update this old post by including a scene from and a link to The Son of Man's Bloody Gorefest.)

In a previous posts, I counted the number of people killed by God in the Bible (2,301,427) and the number he plans to kill during the tribulation (3.25 billion). But, according to the Bible, he has even more killing in mind.
And I looked, and behold a white cloud, and upon the cloud one sat like unto the Son of man, having on his head a golden crown, and in his hand a sharp sickle. ... And another angel came out from the altar, which had power over fire; and cried with a loud cry to him that had the sharp sickle, saying, Thrust in thy sharp sickle, and gather the clusters of the vine of the earth; for her grapes are fully ripe. ... And the winepress was trodden without the city, and blood came out of the winepress, even unto the horse bridles, by the space of a thousand and six hundred furlongs. -- Revelation 14:14-20
Where is God going to find so much blood? How many people would it take?
Well, a furlong is 202 meters, so 1600 furlongs is about 320 kilometers, and a horse's bridle is 1.5 m high or so. If we take the winepress to be circular with a diameter of 320 kilometers, then the total volume is 1.2 x 1014 liters. And since an adult has about 5 liters of blood, that gives us 2.4 x 1013 people.
Which could be a problem, even for God. Where will he find so many people? He's already killed off half of us in Revelation 8:6 and 9:15-18, so (assuming this all happens soon) that only leaves him with a little over 3 billion people to kill. His winepress requires nearly 10,000 times as many. Shucks!
But then, I guess God is God and he can create more people just to kill them. So I suppose that's what he'll do.
Posted by Steve Wells at 6/05/2009 11:11:00 AM 13 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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 30 July 2009The Chaser's War on Everything: Help me put my son to death
Here are the verses that tell you what to do with a son that curses you:
And he that curseth his father, or his mother, shall surely be put to death. Exodus 21:17
For every one that curseth his father or his mother shall be surely put to death: he hath cursed his father or his mother; his blood shall be upon him. Leviticus 20:9
For God commanded, saying, Honour thy father and mother: and, He that curseth father or mother, let him die the death. Matthew 15:4
And here are some verses to deal with that homosexual, adulterous, fortune-telling, hump-backed, dwarf priest with crushed testicles.
If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them. Leviticus 20:13
And the man that committeth adultery with another man's wife, even he that committeth adultery with his neighbour's wife, the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death. Leviticus 20:10
A man also or woman that hath a familiar spirit, or that is a wizard, shall surely be put to death: they shall stone them with stones: their blood shall be upon them. Leviticus 20:27
And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying, Whosoever ... hath any blemish, let him not approach to offer the bread of his God ... Or crookbackt, or a dwarf, or that hath a blemish in his eye, or be scurvy, or scabbed, or hath his stones broken ... shall come nigh to offer the offerings of the LORD. Leviticus 21:16-21
Posted by Steve Wells at 7/30/2009 02:05:00 PM 24 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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A killing to end God's killing
This is really a strange one, and I'm not sure what to do with it. Maybe you can help me sort it out. (In any case, this is definitely a story to mark up in you next Gideon Bible.)
It all happens in the first few verses of Numbers 25, right after the story about Balaam's talking donkey.
 It begins with the people having sex with the daughters of Moab.
And ... the people began to commit whoredom with the daughters of Moab. Numbers 25:1
After sex, they ate dinner with them and worshiped their gods.
And they called the people unto the sacrifices of their gods: and the people did eat, and bowed down to their gods. Numbers 25:2
This angered God, so he told Moses to kill all the leaders and hang their dead bodies up on trees so that he wouldn't be so angry anymore.
And the anger of the LORD was kindled against Israel. And the LORD said unto Moses, Take all the heads of the people, and hang them up before the LORD against the sun, that the fierce anger of the LORD may be turned away from Israel. Numbers 25:3-4
Now this probably wasn't as bad as the King James Version makes it sound. "Take all the heads of the people, and hang them up before the Lord against the sun" sounds like God told Moses to cut off peoples' heads and hang the heads on trees. That would be kind of nasty.
But no. God just wanted Moses to kill the leaders ("the heads of the people") and hang their dead bodies on trees out in the sunshine so "that the fierce anger of the LORD may be turned away from Israel." That's not nearly so bad, now is it?
I can't tell, though, whether Moses did what God asked. Here's the next verse.
And Moses said unto the judges of Israel, Slay ye every one his men that were joined unto Baalpeor. Numbers 25:5
Moses tells the leaders (judges) to kill everyone who "were joined unto Baalpeor." I don't know if being joined to Baalpeor was having sex with the daughters of Moab or not. But clearly Moses wasn't following orders here. God told him to kill the leaders and hang their bodies on trees; Moses tells the leaders to kill the people who had sex with Moab women. Different thing entirely, I'd say.
Anyway, I guess neither God's nor Moses' plan was executed, because of what happened next.
And, behold, one of the children of Israel came and brought unto his brethren a Midianitish woman in the sight of Moses, and in the sight of all the congregation of the children of Israel, who were weeping before the door of the tabernacle of the congregation. Numbers 25:6
And then the real hero of the story shows up. Phinehas. He sees the happy couple and sticks a spear through their bodies while they were having sex.
And when Phinehas ... saw it, he rose up from among the congregation, and took a javelin in his hand; And he went after the man of Israel into the tent, and thrust both of them through, the man of Israel, and the woman through her belly. Numbers 25:7-8a
This double murder made God so happy that he stopped killing everyone. You see, while Moses was trying to get the leaders to kill people who had sex with Moabite women and God was trying to get Moses to kill the leaders and hang their bodies on trees, God was also busy killing people with a plague.
So the plague was stayed from the children of Israel. And those that died in the plague were twenty and four thousand. Numbers 25:8b-9
Now God had planned to kill everyone, but he stopped with just 24,000 because of Phinehas' holy murder. (Paul said that only 23,000 died in the plague, but how would he know?)
And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying, Phinehas, the son of Eleazar, the son of Aaron the priest, hath turned my wrath away from the children of Israel, while he was zealous for my sake among them, that I consumed not the children of Israel in my jealousy. Numbers 25:10-11
So you see my problem here, don't you? How many killings do we have here?
God told Moses to kill the leaders and hang their bodies on trees, but we don't know whether Moses followed God's command.
Moses told the leaders to kill whoever had sex with the Moabite women, but we don't know if his order was carried out either.
Phinehas killed the two people having sex, but we don't know whether God told him to or not. (Even though God was clearly pleased by the killing. So much, in fact that he quit killing after only 24,000, when he'd planned to kill several million.)
And how many died in the plague? Was it 24,000 as Numbers 25:9 says or 23,000 as it says in 1 Corinthians 10:8?
So how do we keep score here? At least 24,002 people died (23,002 if we believe Paul), but in how many separate killing events? And should God get credit for Phinehas' double murder?
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I've decided to count Phinehas' double murder and God's plague as a single killing event. God clearly deserves credit for the plague, of course, but the Phinehas' affair is less clear.
However both Moses and God ordered people to be killed either for either having sex with the Midianites or for allowing them to do so (Numbers 25:3-5), and God was so pleased with the Phinehas' killing that he stopped his own mass murder. So I think God deserves credit for either inspiring or directly ordering Phinehas to impale the lovers while they were having sex.
God's next killing: The Midianite Massacre (Have ye saved all the women alive?)
Posted by Steve Wells at 7/30/2009 08:38:00 AM 16 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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29 July 2009We should all deface the Bible (Let's start with the Gideons)
Believers are in an uproar about an exhibit at the Glasgow Museum of Modern Art that invited viewers to add their thoughts about the Bible to the pages of the Bible itself. The offer was soon retracted, however, since many of the comments were critical of the Bible.
Imagine that.
No, don't just imagine that. Do it.
The next time you go to a hotel that has a Gideon Bible in its drawer, get out some highlighters and mark the passages that should horrify and offend anyone with any moral sense.
Make notes in the margins, inside the covers, and on the front page. And don't forget to attach a warning label.

There are hundreds of verses that you could highlight, of course, but here's a few to start your Gideon Bible desecration project. (Let me know if I've left out any of your favorites and I'll add them to the list.)
Behold now, I have two daughters which have not known man; let me, I pray you, bring them out unto you, and do ye to them as is good in your eyes. Genesis 19:8
He that curseth his father, or his mother, shall surely be put to death. Exodus 21:17
If a man smite his servant, or his maid, with a rod, and ... if he continue a day or two, he shall not be punished: for he is his money. Exodus 21:20-21
Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live. Exodus 22:18
And ye shall eat the flesh of your sons, and the flesh of your daughters shall ye eat. Leviticus 26:29
And when the people complained, it displeased the LORD: and the LORD heard it; and his anger was kindled; and the fire of the LORD burnt among them, and consumed them. Numbers 11:1
And the LORD said unto Moses, Take all the heads of the people, and hang them up before the LORD against the sun, that the fierce anger of the LORD may be turned away from Israel. Numbers 25:4
And Moses said unto them, Have ye saved all the women alive? ... Now therefore kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman that hath known man by lying with him. But all the women children, that have not known a man by lying with him, keep alive for yourselves. Numbers 31:15-19
If thy brother, the son of thy mother, or thy son, or thy daughter, or the wife of thy bosom, or thy friend, which is as thine own soul, entice thee secretly, saying, Let us go and serve other gods, which thou hast not known, thou, nor thy fathers ... Thou shalt not consent unto him, nor hearken unto him; neither shall thine eye pity him, neither shalt thou spare, neither shalt thou conceal him: But thou shalt surely kill him; thine hand shall be first upon him to put him to death, and afterwards the hand of all the people. And thou shalt stone him with stones, that he die. Deuteronomy 13:6-10
But if this thing be true, and the tokens of virginity be not found for the damsel: Then they shall bring out the damsel to the door of her father's house, and the men of her city shall stone her with stones that she die. Deuteronomy 22:20-21
He that is wounded in the stones, or hath his privy member cut off, shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD. Deuteronomy 23:1
When two men strive together on with another, and the wife of the one ... putteth forth her hand, and taketh him by the secrets: Then thou shalt cut off her hand, thine eye shall not pity her. Deuteronomy 25:11-12
And thou shalt eat the fruit of thine own body, the flesh of thy sons and of thy daughters. Deuteronomy 28:53
Thus saith the LORD of hosts ... go and smite Amalek, and utterly destroy all that they have, and spare them not; but slay both man and woman, infant and suckling, ox and sheep, camel and ass. 1 Samuel 15:2-3
And I will cause them to eat the flesh of their sons and the flesh of their daughters, and they shall eat every one the flesh of his friend. Jeremiah 19:9
For she doted upon their paramours, whose flesh is as the flesh of asses, and whose issue is like the issue of horses. Ezekiel 23:20
Thou shalt ... pluck off thine own breasts: for I have spoken it, saith the Lord GOD. Ezekiel 23:34
Behold, I will corrupt your seed, and spread dung upon your faces. Malachi 2:3
If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children,and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple. Luke 14:26
Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak ... And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home. 1 Corinthians 14:34-35
He was clothed with a vesture dipped in blood: and his name is called The Word of God ... And out of his mouth goeth a sharp sword ... and he treadeth the winepress of the fierceness and wrath of Almighty God. Revelation 19:13-15
And the remnant were slain with the sword of him that sat upon the horse, which sword proceeded out of his mouth: and all the fowls were filled with their flesh. Revelation 19:21
Posted by Steve Wells at 7/29/2009 11:17:00 AM 5 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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28 July 2009You're in good hands with Moses
OK. This is just another boring massacre. Sorry about that.
You pretty much know the story line by now.
 The Israelites were busy killing people and stealing their land, when they came upon King Og and the people of Bashan who fought back.

And they turned and went up by the way of Bashan: and Og the king of Bashan went out against them, he, and all his people, to the battle at Edrei. Numbers 21:33
Lucky for Moses, though, God was on his side, and God delivered the Bashanites into Moses' hands.
And the LORD said unto Moses, Fear him not: for I have delivered him into thy hand, and all his people. Numbers 21:34a
God tells Moses to do to them what he did to the Amorites.
(Gosh, I wonder what that was.)
And thou shalt do to him as thou didst unto Sihon king of the Amorites. Numbers 21:34b
So the Israelites killed king Og.
So they smote him Numbers 21:35a
And his sons.
and his sons, Numbers 21:35b
And all his people.
and all his people Numbers 21:35c
Not a single person was left alive.
until there was none left him alive. Numbers 21:35d
And they took their land.
and they possessed his land. Numbers 21:35e
You're in good hands with Moses.

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Note: Since Judges 11:21 makes it clear that God delivered the Amorites just like he did the Bashanites, I included both massacres in this killing.
Estimated victims: 2000.

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God's next killing
Posted by Steve Wells at 7/28/2009 08:11:00 AM 3 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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27 July 2009The context of John 3:16

The most popular verse in the Bible by far is John 3:16. Nearly everyone, believer or skeptic, can quote this verse. But in case you've forgotten it, here it is.
For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
But let's look at it in context.
Just before Jesus (supposedly) spoke these words, he (supposedly) said:
And as Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, even so must the Son of man be lifted up: That whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have eternal life. John 3:14-15

That's right. Jesus believed in the snake-on-a-pole story of Numbers 21, God's 23rd Killing. He believed that God sent fiery serpents to bite and kill the people for complaining about the lack of food and water. And he believed that God told Moses to make a brass serpent and put it on a pole so that those who looked at it would be magically cured. And he was OK with all that.
In fact, Jesus said his own death would be just like that. If you believe in Jesus' magical death, you'll be saved just like the people that had been bitten by God's fiery serpents were saved by looking at Moses' magic snake on a pole.
But what if you don't believe in Jesus' death any more than you do in Moses' magic snake pole? Well, here's what Jesus supposedly said right after the famous words of John 3:16.
He that believeth not is condemned already, because he hath not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God. John 3:18
And, a little later, in John 3:38:
He that believeth not the Son shall not see life; but the wrath of God abideth on him.
So let's put John 3:16 in context. If you believe in Jesus and in Moses' magic snake pole, you'll go straight to heaven after you die. If not you're going to hell.

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Thanks to matt311 and wise fool for pointing out Jesus' belief in the cruel and stupid story in Numbers 21.
Posted by Steve Wells at 7/27/2009 10:26:00 AM 51 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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23 July 2009God sent fiery serpents to bite the people for complaining about the lack of food and water
When it comes to this Bible story, there are only two kinds of believers: those who have never heard of it, and those who are embarrassed by it.
Here's the story.
 The Israelites began to complain about the lack of food and water.
And the soul of the people was much discouraged because of the way. And the people spake against God, and against Moses, Wherefore have ye brought us up out of Egypt to die in the wilderness? for there is no bread, neither is there any water; and our soul loatheth this light bread. Numbers 21:4-5
So God sent fiery serpents to bite the people.
And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people... Numbers 21:6a
And many of the people died.
... and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died. Numbers 21:6b
Then the people apologized to Moses and God for complaining, and they asked Moses to do something to get rid of God's nasty fiery serpents.
Therefore the people came to Moses, and said, We have sinned, for we have spoken against the LORD, and against thee; pray unto the LORD, that he take away the serpents from us. And Moses prayed for the people. Numbers 21:7
God told Moses what to do. Make a fiery serpent out of brass (they had lots of that lying around) and put it on a pole. Then when a bitten person looks at it, he or she won't die. (Only God could come up with a plan like that!)
And the LORD said unto Moses, Make thee a fiery serpent, and set it upon a pole: and it shall come to pass, that every one that is bitten, when he looketh upon it, shall live. Numbers 21:8
So Moses made a brass snake and put it on a pole. And it worked just like God said it would.
And Moses made a serpent of brass, and put it upon a pole, and it came to pass, that if a serpent had bitten any man, when he beheld the serpent of brass, he lived. Numbers 21:8
Now that's a lot more entertaining than a damned holy war massacre, isn't it?
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If there is a believer who is actually proud of this story, I'd love to hear about it. The rest of you can just go on being embarrassed by it.
Well, I guess there are some believers that like this story, since it is highlighted in the Green Bible. I bet that's because it has snakes in it. God loves snakes.
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God's next killing: Phbinehas' double murder
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Posted by Steve Wells at 7/23/2009 07:18:00 PM 43 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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22 July 2009The Massacre of the Aradites
Don't you just hate God-assisted, holy war massacres? I do. They're so damned boring.
But we might as well get used to them because God likes them. A lot. There are about 50 holy war massacres on the list of God's 135 killings in the Bible. So there's just no way to avoid them.
Here's what happened in this one.
King Arad heard that the Israelites were coming, so he fought against them when they tried to invade his land.
When king Arad the Canaanite, which dwelt in the south, heard tell that Israel came by the way of the spies; then he fought against Israel, and took some of them prisoners. Numbers 21.1
So the Israelites asked God for help, promising to kill everyone in several cities.
Israel vowed a vow unto the LORD, and said, If thou wilt indeed deliver this people into my hand, then I will utterly destroy their cities. 21.2
God didn't have to think about this one. Here's how he responded.
The LORD hearkened to the voice of Israel, and delivered up the Canaanites. 21:3a
So the Israelites, with God's help, killed everyone in several Canaantie cites.
And they utterly destroyed them and their cities. 21.3b
I'm glad we got this one over with. It was pretty boring, wasn't it?
God's next killing will be better, I promise.
The Bible doesn't tell us the population of the Aradite cities. So I guessed there were 3 cities, each with 1000 people, for a total of 3000 victims.
God's next killing: God sent fiery serpents to bite the people for complaining about the lack of food and water
Posted by Steve Wells at 7/22/2009 07:11:00 AM 6 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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18 July 2009And they fell on their faces (FOF)
When I was writing about God's last killing (His 21st, for those keeping score), I noticed that people were often falling on their faces (especially when they saw the glory of the Lord). So it got me thinking. This seems to be something that people in the Bible often do. But how often?
Well, I found 33 FOF events in the Bible. But my favorite is this one, from the Book of Ezekiel.
And I saw ... the appearance of his loins....
This was the appearance of the likeness of the glory of the LORD.
And when I saw it, I fell upon my face.... Ezekiel 1:27-28
Well, if I saw God's loins, I'd probably fall on my face too.

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Here is a response to this post from The Pathway Machine.
Posted by Steve Wells at 7/18/2009 10:18:00 AM 10 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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17 July 2009What to do with the C Street Republicans (1 Corinthians 5:1-5)
It is reported commonly that there is fornication among you, and such fornication as is not so much as named among the Gentiles [Democrats]...
In the name of our Lord Jesus Christ...
deliver such an one unto Satan for the destruction of the flesh, that the spirit may be saved... 1 Corinthians 5:1-5
It almost sounds like Paul was talking about the C Street Republicans [Sen. John Ensign (R-NV), Gov. Mark Sanford (R-SC), and former Rep. Chip Pickering (R-MS)]. (Of course he wasn't really. He was talking about a believer that had sex with his father's wife. But close enough.)
Still, the passage isn't entirely clear to me.
Let's say we try to apply Paul's instructions to the C Street adulterers. How would be go about it?

How do we deliver them to Satan in the name of Jesus? I'm not even sure where Satan lives these days. And even if we can find him, how can we be sure that it's really him?
After Satan gets them how will he destroy their flesh? Will he burn them to death like God often does? Or will he bury them alive or give them a disease that causes their bowels to fall out?
And when Satan destroys their flesh, how will that cause their spirits to be saved? If Satan causes their spirits to be saved, does that mean that Satan is their savior?
It's a bit confusing to me. But I think it's worth a try.
Posted by Steve Wells at 7/17/2009 08:30:00 PM 4 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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16 July 200914,700 killed for complaining about God's killings
In case you haven't been following along, here's what has happened so far in Numbers 16.
Korah and his companions question Moses' leadership, saying "Ye take too much upon you, seeing all the congregation are holy, every one of them, and the LORD is among them: wherefore then lift ye up yourselves above the congregation of the LORD?" (vv. 1-3)
Moses falls on his face. (v.4)
The glory of the Lord appears to the congregation.(v.19)
God tells Moses to get out of the way because he's going to kill everyone. (vv.20-21)
Moses and Aaron fall on their faces. (v.22)
Korah, his companions, and their families are buried alive. (vv.27-33)
God burns to death 250 men for burning incense. (v.35)
So, as you might expect, the people who had witnessed all this were pretty freaked out by now.
But on the morrow all the congregation of the children of Israel murmured against Moses and against Aaron, saying, Ye have killed the people of the LORD. (v.41)

Then "the glory of the Lord" appeared and God tells Moses he's going to kill everyone (again).
Behold ... the glory of the LORD appeared.
...
And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying, Get you up from among this congregation, that I may consume them as in a moment. (v.42-45a)
I think you can guess by now what Moses and Aaron did next.
They fell upon their faces. (v.45b)
Then Moses told Aaron to burn some incense to try to stop God from killing everyone. But God's plague had already started.
And Moses said unto Aaron, Take a censer, and put fire therein from off the altar, and put on incense, and go quickly unto the congregation, and make an atonement for them: for there is wrath gone out from the LORD; the plague is begun. (v.46)
But the incense burning worked, sort of, anyway. (Sometimes God will stop killing if you burn incense; sometimes he'll burn you to death instead. He works in mysterious ways.) But not before 14,700 had died in the plague.
Now they that died in the plague were fourteen thousand and seven hundred, beside them that died about the matter of Korah. (v.49)
So in this chapter, God threatened to kill everyone twice, but settled for killing 14,962 instead in three separate killing events (a dozen or so buried alive, 250 burned to death, and 14,700 killed in a plague).
But don't complain about it or he'll kill you, too.
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God's next killing: The massacre of the Aradites
Posted by Steve Wells at 7/16/2009 08:08:00 AM 11 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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15 July 2009Mr. Deity and the Book
They don't even like to talk about the bad things they said you did in that book. They're embarrassed by it, too.
Have you noticed how few responses there are lately from believers to the God's Killings posts? I wonder if that's because they're embarrassed by it, too.
(If a Christian blog or website would like to respond to the God's Killings posts, I'll link to them from Dwindling in Unbelief and the Skeptic's Annotated Bible.)
Posted by Steve Wells at 7/15/2009 09:25:00 AM 4 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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13 July 2009250 burned alive for burning incense
In his last killing, God showed whose side he's on by opening up the ground and burying alive the leaders that opposed Moses (along with their families). And it made quite an impression on everyone.
All Israel that were round about them fled at the cry of them: for they said, Lest the earth swallow us up also. Numbers 16.34
But they were safe, at least for the moment, because God had his mind on other victims.
Remember Moses' original plan for dealing with Korah's rebellion? He told him and his associates to burn incense before the Lord and let God choose who is holy.
This do; Take you censers, Korah, and all his company; And put fire therein, and put incense in them before the LORD to morrow: and it shall be that the man whom the LORD doth choose, he shall be holy. 16.6-7
But then God came up with the burying alive thing and the censer-swinging, prayer contest was put on hold.
In the meantime, 250 of Korah's followers did as Moses asked and burned some incense. So God burned them all alive to teach them a lesson or something. (If you do what he says he'll burn you to death?)
There came out a fire from the LORD, and consumed the two hundred and fifty men that offered incense. 16.35
At least I don't have to guess the number of victims this time.
God's next killing: 14,700 killed for complaining about God's killings
Posted by Steve Wells at 7/13/2009 10:58:00 AM 5 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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12 July 2009The opposing party is buried alive (along with their families)
 Our story begins with Korah and his companions confronting Moses. Here's what they say to him.
Ye take too much upon you, seeing all the congregation are holy, every one of them, and the LORD is among them: wherefore then lift ye up yourselves above the congregation of the LORD? Numbers 16:3
So what do you suppose Moses did when he heard this? Well, he fell on his face, of course. (People are always falling on their faces in the Bible.)
And when Moses heard it, he fell upon his face. Numbers 16:4
And (while still on his face) offers this ingenious plan.
This do; Take you censers, Korah, and all his company; And put fire therein, and put incense in them before the LORD to morrow: and it shall be that the man whom the LORD doth choose, he shall be holy. Numbers 16:6-7
So they're going to have an old-fashioned, incense-swinging, prayer contest, where God picks the winner. How cool is that?
And they took every man his censer, and put fire in them, and laid incense thereon, and stood in the door of the tabernacle of the congregation with Moses and Aaron. Numbers 16:18
But before they start swinging their censers, God in all his glory showed up.
And the glory of the LORD appeared unto all the congregation. Numbers 16:19
So God, Moses, and Aaron call a time out to talk things over.
And the LORD spake unto Moses and unto Aaron, saying, Separate yourselves from among this congregation, that I may consume them in a moment. Numbers 16:20-21
Remember how, just a couple killings ago, God threatened to kill everyone for complaining? Yeah, well, he's back at it again. He tells Moses and Aaron to stand back and get the hell out of the way because he's going to kill everybody.
So what do you figure Moses and Aaron do when they hear that? Well, they fell on their faces, of course.
And they fell upon their faces... Numbers 16:22a
And (while still on their faces) try to talk God out of it (again).
...and said, O God, the God of the spirits of all flesh, shall one man sin, and wilt thou be wroth with all the congregation? Numbers 16:22b
And it seemed to work again, too, since they came up with a new game plan.
And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying, Speak unto the congregation, saying, Get you up from about the tabernacle of Korah, Dathan, and Abiram.
...
So they gat up from the tabernacle of Korah, Dathan, and Abiram, on every side: and Dathan and Abiram came out, and stood in the door of their tents, and their wives, and their sons, and their little children. And Moses said, Hereby ye shall know that the LORD hath sent me
...
If these men die the common death of all men, or if they be visited after the visitation of all men; then the LORD hath not sent me. But if the LORD make a new thing, and the earth open her mouth, and swallow them up, with all that appertain unto them, and they go down quick into the pit; then ye shall understand that these men have provoked the LORD. Numbers 16:23-30
So God and Moses arrange this test. If Korah and his companions die a normal, natural death, then God didn't send Moses. But if they (and their families) are buried alive, then Moses is God's special friend.
The test proved to everyone that God is Moses' special friend (and that they should get the hell away from him before he buries them alive, too).
And it came to pass ... that the ground clave asunder that was under them: And the earth opened her mouth, and swallowed them up.... They, and all that appertained to them, went down alive into the pit, and the earth closed upon them: and they perished from among the congregation. And all Israel that were round about them fled at the cry of them: for they said, Lest the earth swallow us up also. Numbers 16:31-34
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God's next killing: 250 burned to death for burning incense
Posted by Steve Wells at 7/12/2009 08:37:00 AM 6 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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08 July 2009Did Stephen Harper put Jesus in his pocket?
This is too funny.
Stephen Harper (the fundamentalist protestant Canadian prime minister) apparently pocketed a communion host while attended a funeral mass for Romeo LeBlanc. The poor guy probably wound up in line for communion (by mistake) and didn't know what the heck to do with the wafer that the priest gave him. So he stuck it in his pocket when he thought no one was looking.
But someone was looking and videotaped it. Now it's on Youtube for God and everyone to see. (Harper receives the sacred cracker at about the 30 second mark.)


It's not clear to me what happened to the holy host. Did he put it in his pocket to save for later?
Poor Harper was in deep shit once he got in communion line. Catholics think it is sacrilegious for a non-catholic to receive communion. So what's he going to do when the priest hands him a cracker? He can either eat it or pocket it. He's damned either way.
Posted by Steve Wells at 7/08/2009 12:21:00 PM 12 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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07 July 2009A man gathering sticks on the sabbath day
This one is pretty simple.
A man is caught gathering sticks on the Sabbath day.
While the children of Israel were in the wilderness, they found a man that gathered sticks upon the Sabbath day. Numbers 15.32
The people ask Moses what to do about it.
They … brought him unto Moses and Aaron … because it was not declared what should be done to him. 15.33-34
God tells Moses that everyone must stone the Sabbath breaker to death.
The LORD said unto Moses, The man shall be surely put to death: all the congregation shall stone him with stones. 15.35
So that's what they do.
All the congregation brought him without the camp, and stoned him with stones, and he died; as the LORD commanded Moses. 15.36
Immediately after the stoning, God gets down to some more important business -- like instructing the people on how to make fringes on their garments.
The LORD spake unto Moses, saying, Speak unto the children of Israel, and bid them that they make them fringes in the borders of their garments throughout their generations, and that they put upon the fringe of the borders a ribband of blue. 15.37-38
You see, God wants us to put fringes on our garments so that when we see the purple fringes we'll say to ourselves, "Oh yeah, I'm supposed to follow all of God's laws."
It shall be unto you for a fringe, that ye may look upon it, and remember all the commandments of the LORD, and do them. 15.39a
That way, when we see someone working on the Sabbath, we'll remember to stone him or her to death, on the spot, instead of following our own heart.
That ye seek not after your own heart and your own eyes. 15.39b
People who follow their hearts seldom stone people to death.
God's next killing: The opposing party is buried alive (along with their families)
Posted by Steve Wells at 7/07/2009 08:22:00 AM 9 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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06 July 2009The Parable of the Good Gay Guy
Can you imagine a modern-day preacher coming up with a parable about the good gay guy? (Iranian, black man, atheist,etc.) Most people would find that pretty offensive, since it implies that there aren't many good gay people. Why then aren't we also offended by the parable of the good Samaritan?
Here's a video that makes the point better than I ever could.
Posted by Steve Wells at 7/06/2009 09:49:00 AM 6 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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04 July 2009Ten scouts are killed for their honest report
OK this one requires a bit of explanation.
 The story begins in chapter 13 where Moses sends out 12 scouts (one from each of the tribes of Israel) to check out the land of Canaan.
Moses sent them to spy out the land of Canaan ... And see the land, what it is, and the people that dwelleth therein, whether they be strong or weak, few or many. Numbers 13:17-18
So the twelve spies go and do that.
When they get back, Caleb says
Let us go up at once, and possess it; for we are well able to overcome it. Numbers 13:30
But the other ten (the Bible doesn't say what Joshua said) disagree.
The land, through which we have gone to search it, is a land that eateth up the inhabitants thereof; and all the people that we saw in it are men of a great stature. And there we saw the giants, the sons of Anak, which come of the giants: and we were in our own sight as grasshoppers, and so we were in their sight. Numbers 13:32-33
So Caleb (and Joshua?) say it would be easy to take over the land of Canaan, while the other ten say it would be hard, since the people that live there are giants. (The scouts were like grasshoppers in comparison to them.)
When the people heard the reports, they believed the giant story and were a bit discouraged. So they decided to elect a new leader and go back to Egypt.
And all the congregation lifted up their voice, and cried; and the people wept that night. And all the children of Israel murmured against Moses and against Aaron: and the whole congregation said unto them, Would God that we had died in the land of Egypt! or would God we had died in this wilderness! ... And they said one to another, Let us make a captain, and let us return into Egypt. Numbers 14:1-4
Joshua and Caleb try to talk them out of it.
And Joshua ... and Caleb ... rent their clothes ... saying, The land, which we passed through to search it, is an exceeding good land. If the LORD delight in us, then he will bring us into this land, and give it us; a land which floweth with milk and honey. Numbers 14:6-8
But the people weren't buying it. They didn't want to fight any damned giants. So they decide to stone Joshua and Caleb (with stones).
All the congregation bade stone them with stones. Numbers 14:10
And then God gets involved. He tells Moses that he's sick of their whining, so he's going to kill them all. He'll smite them with the pestilence and then make some better people to replace them. People who wouldn't whine so God damned much.
And the LORD said unto Moses, How long will this people provoke me? ... I will smite them with the pestilence, and disinherit them, and will make of thee a greater nation and mightier than they. Numbers 14:11-12
But Moses talks him out of it. He says the Egyptians will hear about it and say that God couldn't get the people to obey him so he had to kill them all. How would that look to the neighbors?
And Moses said unto the LORD, Then the Egyptians shall hear it ... And they will tell it to the inhabitants of this land ... Because the LORD was not able to bring this people into the land which he sware unto them, therefore he hath slain them in the wilderness. Numbers 14:13-16
So God decided not to kill everyone. Not yet, anyway. But he says that he'll make sure that all their carcasses rot in the wilderness (at least all those that are over 20 years old).
Your carcases shall fall in this wilderness; and all that were numbered of you, according to your whole number, from twenty years old and upward which have murmured against me ... But as for you, your carcases, they shall fall in this wilderness. And your children shall wander in the wilderness forty years ... the LORD have said, I will surely do it unto all this evil congregation, that are gathered together against me: in this wilderness they shall be consumed, and there they shall die. Numbers 14:29-35
And that would have been the end of the story, except that God was still pissed off about those ten scouts, even though they were just doing their jobs ("To spy out the land of Canaan ... And see the land, what it is, and the people that dwelleth therein, whether they be strong or weak, few or many."). So he killed them in a plague.
And the men, which Moses sent to search the land, who returned, and made all the congregation to murmur against him, by bringing up a slander upon the land, Even those men that did bring up the evil report upon the land, died by the plague before the LORD. Numbers 14:36-37
But God isn't quite finished yet. To further punish the Israelites for whining and plotting against Moses, God will send the Amelekites and Canaanites to smite them.
Ye shall fall by the sword: because ye are turned away from the LORD ... Then the Amalekites ... and the Canaanites ... smote them. 14:43-45
(Since the Bible doesn't say how many Israelites were killed by the Amalekites and Canaanites, I'll just add another 100 to God's total -- along with the ten honest spies -- for a total of 110.)
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This killing is highlighted in the Poverty and Justice Bible. Here's how they put it.
Ten of the men sent to explore the land had brought back bad news and had made the people complain against the Lord. So he sent a deadly disease that killed those men, but he let Joshua and Caleb live.
This verse was highlighted because it shows God's justice. If you bring back bad news, God will kill you with a deadly disease.
God's next killing: A man gathering sticks on the Sabbath

Posted by Steve Wells at 7/04/2009 11:44:00 AM 6 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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 26 August 2009Has God forced you to eat any of your children lately?
Me neither, and I don't know why.
God was very clear about it in Deuteronomy 28. If you don't follow all of his laws, he will force you to eat your children.
Here are just some of the things God promises to do to you if you don't follow his laws.
But it shall come to pass, if thou wilt not hearken unto the voice of the LORD thy God, to observe to do all his commandments and his statutes which I command thee this day; that all these curses shall come upon thee, and overtake thee: Deuteronomy 28:15



Thou shalt betroth a wife ... 28:30a















... and another man shall lie with her. 28:30b















The LORD will smite thee with the botch of Egypt, and with the emerods, and with the scab, and with the itch, whereof thou canst not be healed ... The LORD will rejoice over you to destroy you ... 28:27, 63






The LORD shall smite thee in the knees, and in the legs, with a sore botch that cannot be healed, from the sole of thy foot unto the top of thy head. 28:35








 The LORD shall smite thee with madness, and blindness, and astonishment of heart. And thou shalt grope at noonday, as the blind gropeth in darkness. 28:28-29







And thy carcase shall be meat unto all fowls of the air, and unto the beasts of the earth, and no man shall fray them away. 28:22










And thou shalt eat the fruit of thine own body, the flesh of thy sons and of thy daughters. 28:53












All these curses shall come upon thee, and shall pursue thee, and overtake thee, till thou be destroyed; because thou hearkenedst not unto the voice of the LORD thy God, to keep his commandments and his statutes which he commanded thee. 28:45
Posted by Steve Wells at 8/26/2009 09:13:00 AM 37 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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A Biblical Solution to the Health Care Crisis: Faith-based medicine (for Republicans)
(Re-post for the current health care debate)
A few years ago Garrison Keillor suggested a way to solve our health care crisis, and it's even more relevant today: impose faith-based medicine on all Republicans. That would reduce, by at least a third, the total US health care cost, while encouraging (okay, requiring) the religious right (and those who go along with them) to practice their faith.
Here's how it would work (with biblical justification, of course).
Sick republicans would ask their religious leaders to pray for them (and maybe get anointed with Crisco oil).
Is any sick among you? let him call for the elders of the church; and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord: And the prayer of faith shall save the sick, and the Lord shall raise him up. --James 5:14-15
Or, if they choose, they can try touching their religious leader's handkerchief or something.
So that from his [Paul's] body were brought unto the sick handkerchiefs or aprons, and the diseases departed from them, and the evil spirits went out of them. -- Acts 19:12
But under the faith-based medical plan, Republicans would not be allowed to go to a doctor. Because God is insulted when they trust science more than faith.
And Asa in the thirty and ninth year of his reign was diseased in his feet, until his disease was exceeding great: yet in his disease he sought not to the LORD, but to the physicians. -- 2 Chronicles 16:12
As Garrison Keillor said
Let them try faith-based medicine, let them pray for their arteries to be reamed and their hips to be restored, and leave science to the rest of us.
Posted by Steve Wells at 8/26/2009 08:44:00 AM 11 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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20 August 2009When to Stone Your Whole Family
OK, I admit it. I stole the title from the Brick Testament.
But the Brick Testament pretty much stole it from the Bible, so I guess it all works out OK.
Deuteronomy 13 gets my vote for the worst chapter in the Bible. But before we get into it, let's look at its context.
The last verse of chapter 12 says this.
What thing soever I command you, observe to do it: thou shalt not add thereto, nor diminish from it. Deuteronomy 12:32
The person who is supposedly talking here is God, and he says to do whatever he says, exactly as he says, no more and no less.
And what does he say to do immediately after this verse? Three things.
Kill any prophet or dreamer of dreams. Even if they have cool signs and wonders. (Like Jesus.)
If there arise among you a prophet, or a dreamer of dreams, and giveth thee a sign or a wonder ... that prophet, or that dreamer of dreams, shall be put to death. Deuteronomy 13:1-5
Kill your family if they have religious beliefs that differ from your own. (Like that crazy aunt of yours who's a Jehovah's Witness.)
If thy brother ... or thy son, or thy daughter, or the wife of thy bosom, or thy friend, which is as thine own soul, entice thee secretly, saying, Let us go and serve other gods ... Thou shalt not consent unto him ... neither shall thine eye pity him ... But thou shalt surely kill him; thine hand shall be first upon him to put him to death, and afterwards the hand of all the people. Deuteronomy 13:6-10
Kill everyone in every city that has citizens that believe differently than you. (Like Salt Lake City.)
If thou shalt hear ... men ... saying, Let us go and serve other gods, which ye have not known ... Thou shalt surely smite the inhabitants of that city with the edge of the sword, destroying it utterly, and all that is therein, and the cattle thereof, with the edge of the sword. Deuteronomy 13:12-17
But I'd like to focus on God's second command in Deuteronomy 13: When to Stone Your Whole Family.
If thy brother ... or thy son, or thy daughter, or the wife of thy bosom, or thy friend, which is as thine own soul, entice thee secretly, saying, Let us go and serve other gods ... Thou shalt not consent unto him ... neither shall thine eye pity him. Deuteronomy 13:6-8





But thou shalt surely kill him; thine hand shall be first upon him to put him to death. Deuteronomy 13:8-9













and afterwards the hand of all the people. Deuteronomy 13:9














So God commands us all to stone to death, without pity, our wife, husband, son, daughter, brother, sister, or friend, if they have religious beliefs that are different from our own. (Our own beliefs are the correct beliefs, of course.)
And God said immediately before these verses that "what thing soever I command you, observe to do it."
Is there a believer that follows God's command in Deuteronomy 13:6-10? Or who thinks it's a good idea but is too chicken to do it? Or that was a good idea back in the day but isn't so good now?
Is there a believer who thinks this command was really given by, or at least inspired by, God? Or that God had anything to do with it?
Is there a believer who is not deeply ashamed that this passage is in the Bible?
If so, I'd love to hear about it.
Posted by Steve Wells at 8/20/2009 05:58:00 PM 38 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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19 August 2009All the men, women, and children in 60 cities
I suppose I could call this God's 30th to 89th killings, since there must have been 60 separate killing events. If God did the killing himself, he could have done it all at once. But he was relying on people to do his killing for him, so it must have taken some time. First the Israelites had to go to city 1 and kill all the men, women, and children that lived there, then on to city 2, and so on up to the 60th city. But since the Bible lumps all 60 killings together, I will too.
The Bible doesn't spend a lot of time on these killings. Only 4 verses.
So the LORD our God delivered into our hands Og also, the king of Bashan, and all his people: and we smote him until none was left to him remaining. And we took all his cities at that time, there was not a city which we took not from them, threescore cities, all the region of Argob, the kingdom of Og in Bashan. … And we utterly destroyed them, we did unto Sihon king of Heshbon, utterly destroying the men, women, and children, of every city. Deuteronomy 3.3-6
(The story is also told in Numbers 21:33-35.)
Although God is proud of all of his killings, he is especially proud of killing King Og and his people, since they were the last of the giants. Og, for example, had a bed that was 13.5 feet long!
For only Og king of Bashan remained of the remnant of giants; behold his bedstead … nine cubits was the length thereof, and four cubits the breadth of it, after the cubit of a man. 3.11
Here's what Moses says when he's encouraging Joshua to carry on God's killing tradition.
Thine eyes have seen all that the LORD your God hath done unto these two kings: so shall the LORD do unto all the kingdoms whither thou passest. Ye shall not fear them: for the LORD your God he shall fight for you … For what God is there in heaven or in earth, that can do according to thy works, and according to thy might? 3.21-24
And Moses has a point here. What other god has killed as many as the God of the Bible?
(Since the Israelites killed everyone in 60 cities, I put the death toll at 60,000.)
God's next killing: The Jericho massacre
Posted by Steve Wells at 8/19/2009 08:46:00 AM 9 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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18 August 2009God hardens King Sihon's heart so that all his people can be killed
After God killed off all the old soldiers and at least most of giants, it was time to get what was left of the Israelite army moving again.
Rise ye up, take your journey, and pass over the river Arnon: behold, I have given into thine hand Sihon the Amorite, king of Heshbon, and his land: begin to possess it, and contend with him in battle. Deuteronomy 2:24
God tells them to terrorize the current occupants of the land they are about to steal. The entire world will fear, tremble, and anguish at the very thought of them.
This day will I begin to put the dread of thee and the fear of thee upon the nations that are under the whole heaven, who shall hear report of thee, and shall tremble, and be in anguish because of thee. Deuteronomy 2:25
The Israelites begin by lying about their true intentions. They send messengers to King Sihon asking to pass through his land, promising to pay for food and water along the way.
And I sent messengers out of the wilderness of Kedemoth unto Sihon king of Heshbon with words of peace, saying, Let me pass through thy land: I will go along by the high way, I will neither turn unto the right hand nor to the left. Thou shalt sell me meat for money, that I may eat; and give me water for money, that I may drink: only I will pass through on my feet. Deuteronomy 2:26-28
But then God runs into a bit of a problem. What if King Sihon agrees to let the Israelites pass through his land? Then the Israelites wouldn't get to kill all of his people and God would be sad. So God has a brilliant idea: he'll harden King Sihon's heart so that he won't let them pass. (It worked so well with the Pharaoh that God thought he'd try it again here.)
But Sihon king of Heshbon would not let us pass by him: for the LORD thy God hardened his spirit, and made his heart obstinate, that he might deliver him into thy hand. Deuteronomy 2:30
And God's plan worked perfectly. After God hardened King Sihon's heart, he refused to let the Israelites pass and fought to protect his land. Which gave God and the Israelites all the excuse they needed to kill the king along with every man, woman, and child in every city in the kingdom.
And the LORD our God delivered him before us; and we smote him, and his sons, and all his people. Deuteronomy 2:33
And we took all his cities at that time, Deuteronomy 2:33
and utterly destroyed the men, and the women, and the little ones, of every city, we left none to remain. Deuteronomy 2:33
Sometimes God has to harden a heart in order to kill thousands of people.
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A note on the number of victims.
Since everyone in every city was killed, I guessed 3000.
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God's next killing: All the men, women, and children in 60 cities
Posted by Steve Wells at 8/18/2009 10:53:00 AM 10 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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17 August 2009God the giant killer
After God kills off the old soldiers in his early retirement program and before the new, youthful army begins to kill again for him, he brags a bit about some of his past killings. He is especially proud of knocking off an entire race of giants, the Zamzummim.
That also was accounted a land of giants: giants dwelt therein in old time; and the Ammonites call them Zamzummims; A people great, and many, and tall, as the Anakims; but the LORD destroyed them before them; and they succeeded them, and dwelt in their stead. Deuteronomy 2:20-21
There were a few other groups that God also killed that I don't think I've accounted for yet: the Horim, Avim, and the Caphtorim.
As he did to the children of Esau, which dwelt in Seir, when he destroyed the Horims from before them; and they succeeded them, and dwelt in their stead even unto this day: And the Avims which dwelt in Hazerim, even unto Azzah, the Caphtorims, which came forth out of Caphtor, destroyed them, and dwelt in their stead. Deuteronomy 2:22-23
The Bible doesn't say how many were in these groups. So I'll just guess 5,000 for the lot of them.
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God's next killing: God hardens King Sihon's heart so he can kill him and all of his people
Posted by Steve Wells at 8/17/2009 12:55:00 PM 5 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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14 August 2009God slowly kills the Israelite army
This is a strange one and I completely missed it until now.
Read it and let me know what you think.
And the space in which we came from Kadeshbarnea, until we were come over the brook Zered, was thirty and eight years; until all the generation of the men of war were wasted out from among the host, as the LORD sware unto them. For indeed the hand of the LORD was against them, to destroy them from among the host, until they were consumed. So it came to pass, when all the men of war were consumed and dead from among the people, That the LORD spake unto me, saying.... Deuteronomy 2:14-17
It's hard to understand, isn't it, especially without any Brick Testament illustrations? But it sure sounds like God killed the entire Israelite army -- slowly -- over a period of 38 years.
It's not a very impressive killing, though, as God's killings go. He mostly just waited for them all to die of natural causes. Prostate cancer, heart attack, stroke.
But God claims to have killed them all himself, so I guess we should give him credit. How many old soldiers do you think died because "the hand of the Lord was against them?"
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So how many soldiers did God kill?
Well, they started off with 603,550 men "from twenty years old and upward, all that were able to go forth to war in Israel" and the only people that the Bible mentions dying along the way are those that God killed, which total a bit over 50,000. But I suppose some people must have died of natural causes over the 38 year period. So I'll just say that God killed 500,000 soldiers.
Thanks for your help on this one. Now I just need to update the list. Be sure to check my numbers!
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God's next killing: God the giant killer
Posted by Steve Wells at 8/14/2009 10:02:00 AM 13 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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10 August 2009God's Killings in Numbers (Don't complain about them!)
Here's a summary of God's 13 killings in the Book of Numbers.  Killing Event  Verse  Estimated number killed  Cumulative total 
1  God burned people to death for complaining  Numbers 11:1  100  100 
2  God sent "a very great plague" for complaining about the food.  11:33  10,000  10,100 
3  God killed ten scouts with a plague.  14:35-36  10  10,110 
4  A man who gathered firewood on the sabbath is stoned to death  15:32-26  1  10,111 
5  Korah, Dathan, and Abiram (and their families) are buried alive for complaining about Moses' leadership  16:27  12  10,123 
6  Burned to death for offering incense  16:35  250  10,373 
7  For complaining about God's killings  16:49  14,700  25,073 
8  Massacre of the Aradites  21:1-3  3000  28,073 
9  God sent serpents to bite the people for complaining about the lack of food and water.  21:6  100  28,173 
10  God delivers the Bashanites into Moses' hands  21:34-35  2000  30,173 
11  Phinehas impales a mixed-race couple having sex  25:6-8  2  30,175 
12  For "committing whoredom with the daughters of Moab"  25:9  24,000  54,175 
13  Midianite massacre  31:1-35  200,000  254,175 
See something that stands out in this list? I do. (You probably do too since I highlighted it.) It is the central message of the Book of Numbers: Don't complain, especially not about the food or God's killings.
Posted by Steve Wells at 8/10/2009 07:14:00 PM 8 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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07 August 2009The Midianite massacre: Have you saved all the women alive?
This is a bible story that everyone should know.
It begins with God telling Moses to take vengeance on the Midianites. (He doesn't say for what, but I guess it was for the sex and dinner party that brought on God's last round of killings.)
So Moses does what he's told and sends off 12,000 men led by Phinehas (the guy who stopped God from killing everyone by impaling the couple who were having sex).
First they killed every male "as the LORD commanded Moses."
And they warred against the Midianites, as the LORD commanded Moses; and they slew all the males. Numbers 31:7
Next they killed five kings,
And they slew the kings of Midian ... namely, Evi, and Rekem, and Zur, and Hur, and Reba, five kings of Midian. Numbers 31:8a
along with Balaam (the nice guy with the talking ass).
Balaam also the son of Beor they slew with the sword. Numbers 31:8b
Then they took the women and children captive, collected their animals and valuables, burned the cities, and returned to Moses.
And the children of Israel took all the women of Midian captives, and their little ones, and took the spoil of all their cattle, and all their flocks, and all their goods. Numbers 31:9
But Moses wasn't pleased. Here's what he said:
And Moses was wroth with the officers ... Have ye saved all the women alive? Behold, these caused the children of Israel ... to commit trespass against the LORD ... and there was a plague. Numbers 31:14-16
And Now therefore kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman that hath known man by lying with him. But all the women children, that have not known a man by lying with him, keep alive for yourselves. Numbers 31:17-18
(You see, it was the Midianite women who had sex and a dinner with the Israelites. And that's what pissed God off so much. So all the non-virgin women had to be killed.)
So that's what they did. They went back and killed all the non-virgin women, keeping the 32,000 virgins alive for themselves. (I'm not sure how they separated the virgins from the non-virgins, but God probably helped out with that.)
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Since there were 32,000 virgin women saved alive as booty, I figured there must have been about 200,000 killed in this episode, which would include all of the males (men, boys, babies) and non-virgin females.
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God's next killing: God slowly killed the Israelite army
Posted by Steve Wells at 8/07/2009 10:27:00 AM 18 comments   Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
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