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← The Friday Column: JW Survey needs YOU!
The Friday Column: No Girls Allowed – Growing up as a Female Jehovah’s Witness →
 
Update: JW Survey needs YOU!
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Posted on May 26, 2016
 
bigstock-handsome-journalist-writing-wi-43410031-600x402Last Friday, we put up an article opening the doors to submissions from you, our readers.
We have had a number of excellent submissions since then, covering a wide variety of topics. On behalf of the entire JW Survey team, I’d like to extend a huge thank you to everyone who has donated so far and remind our readers that the doors are still open for anyone who is thinking of submitting material.
If you’ve not heard back from us yet don’t worry, you will. We are reading and discussing every submission emailed to us and this takes time, but rest assured we will read everything and respond to everyone who took the time and energy to submit work.
In the meantime, we are happy to confirm that the upcoming Friday Column this week will indeed feature one of our new guest writers who has submitted a fantastic article. Be sure to check it out!
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← The Friday Column: JW Survey needs YOU!
The Friday Column: No Girls Allowed – Growing up as a Female Jehovah’s Witness →
 
65 Responses to Update: JW Survey needs YOU!

 Nan Restivo says:

 May 26, 2016 at 6:19 am
 
After a lot of thought, I decided to submit this. I was a Jehovah’s Witness for 42 years (from age 16 to 62), married one who was raised in it, and proceeded to raise 3 children in it. We were the classic, devoted family of Witnesses – many years of pioneering, moved several times to serve “where the need was greater”, husband an elder for over 30 years, son in Bethel for over 8 years, son and his wife moved to China for 5 years, etc. etc. But I am not writing to complain about the wasted years. I thought I would write about the “after years”, which are so difficult for many of us ex-JWs. They certainly have been for all of us. Poverty, shame, embarrassment, and many other emotions crowded in. (Before I became a JW, I was awarded a full scholarship to Carnegie-Mellon University in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Of course I turned it down, being a brand-new, but faithful, JW.) Unlike some of my former friends, we have come to peace with life. Those years would have passed anyway. There were some good things for me – finding my husband, who is still my best friend, is a big one. EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) helped us immensely. You can let go of all those feelings and move on. Life is still full and wonderful. Although we occasionally talk about our experiences as JWs, we are not bogged down in it. I take every opportunity I can to discourage anyone from getting involved with the religion, but aside from that, I am just too busy living the happy life I have made. I understand and appreciate your website, but sometimes find myself just wanting to say “Oh, just get on with it! Let the religion implode, or whatever it’s going to do, and take off. Live your life.”
Reply
 
 Paul Brinkman says:

 May 26, 2016 at 8:25 am
 
Amazing story for me. The question is that you still feel a trust of God today ? And how are the children reacted ? Thanks
Reply
 
 
 
 Tara says:

 May 26, 2016 at 7:05 am
 
As much as I say bravo NR for your ability to move on I also have to say, that for many, it’s never going to be an easy option. Perhaps it’s a bit like an amputee being able to move on in life and adapt to his/her disability but some days they will look at the place their lost limb was and still feel the residual pain.
For most part I just get on with life now but I am still constantly looking over my shoulder, leaving the house on a Saturday morning… just in case, dreading the notes left in the door. The only reason I fade is because I still have a minor grandchild who is being indoctrinated by my ex daughter in law and her family. If and when the day comes we can win a court battle to get custody or to at least have it in an order that she cannot be baptised until an adult, then I will consider disassociating myself.
The ties are still there also regarding my daughter who is also fading for much the same reasons. Her in laws are witnesses, her husband is not…. yesterday she dropped off her daughter with his grandparents, she was grilled about her lack of meeting attendance and not going out in the tract work. When I picked the baby up I too was subjected to the same grilling. She has vowed never to have them sit for her again.
These little experiences show that you can never ‘just get on with it’. Once you have been a JW there will always be a cord, however fine, that ties you to the cult. I am bitter right now, I hope that will diminish over time but until that cord can be totally cut I will never be truly free.
I do applaud you and those who make the escape to be totally free.
Reply
 
 fallingangel75 says:

 May 26, 2016 at 8:54 am
 
I definitely agree with you Tara, that it is not only your own personal level of involvement you must take in to account, but family ties and friendships and how much of an alternate support system you have before you leave or can create when you leave.
I feel like I could separate myself *just myself* today and move on with my life without regret if not for the fact that my entire social circle consists of witnesses.
I have good relationships with my coworkers. I get along well with everyone, but we’re not close. We don’t visit each other’s homes or go on vacations.
I can remember feeling guilty for going out to lunch or dinner with them. We did nothing wrong. No wild parties or drunkenness.
Just regular meals exactly the same as the ones I have with JWs. Baby showers and the like, but you know. We’re constantly told we’re not supposed to develop friendships with non-witnesses.
It will be difficult for me to leave my JW friends and try to replace them. At the same time, I’m a very outgoing person who makes friends easily. I always get invited to parties, and meals and vacations with neighbors and friends from work.
That’s been a life long struggle for me as I’ve tried to be a model witness and avoid ‘bad association’.
It won’t be hard cultivating and deepening the friendships I have with non-witnesses. The hard part will be letting go of the guilt about it, and knowing that I will have to give up and let go of the JW friends. Many of whom I have been close to for 20 or 30 years and who have been with me through every major life event.
Reply
 
 Tara says:

 May 26, 2016 at 12:38 pm
 
Sadly I found out that nearly all my ‘friends’ were conditional friends. I still come home from work and hang out with the cats. I’ve made not witness friends but not enough to go out and have fun with them. I am very lonely. I have PTSD so find it hard being around people. Loosing my spiritual friends made me distrust most people because these were meant to be my family… ROFLMAO…
Reply
 
 M Saurus says:

 May 26, 2016 at 12:50 pm
 
Tara – I know that is hard for you.
Maybe you could take a class, or join a club, volunteer with a non-profit and volunteer at some of their social fund raisers.
You won’t have best friends immediately but if you are open to it, you will attract some friendly people that you can socialize with.
Best to you.
Reply
 
 Grace says:

 May 26, 2016 at 5:34 pm
 
Real friendships grow naturally, they take time & are few.
We’ve been conditioned to believe that those instant friendships for so long were a necessity for true happiness & that’s where we will find true loyalty. The problem was when the chips were down, those so-called friendships weren’t always there.
I knew that I had a couple of great friendships before I became a Witness. I slowly pushed them away when I became a Witness.
Before I became a Witness, I didn’t have “8 million friends or brothers & sisters”. I didn’t need that. I had a couple of close friends & we occasionally went out together with other friends. But my trust, my secrets & my fun was shared with my closest 2 friends.
The Society makes you believe that you have to have all of these 100’s of people in your life to be happy. After I left, I realised how much hogwash that was. Having a couple of good buddies in your life is all that you need & if you need to have fun, shallow association, go & find a club or volunteer group where you can have other friendships. People you don’t see enough to get annoyed with. People who don’t know your life enough to start judging your every move. People who are sharing a moment with you. To me that’s healthy.
Anyway, I just think that when you leave be patient with finding yourself & your new friendships. People in the “world” aren’t going lather you with instant love, they have nothing to prove. They’re just being themselves. Sooner or later someone will come along that will just like your company. That’s when you can start building your friendship.

 
 
 Tara says:

 May 26, 2016 at 9:17 pm
 
I know I should….

 
 
 fallingangel75 says:

 May 26, 2016 at 10:22 pm
 
@ Grace, not to argue with you at all, but to clarify my own statements, in my comments I am talking about a handful of close friends. Probably 4 in my inner circle. Women I have known since we were girls of 15 or 16.
They are like sisters to me. We have comforted each other through deaths and terrible breakups and celebrated births and marriages.
We pioneered together and lost sleep working the night shift on kingdom hall and assembly projects.
We were all raised as witnesses and met because of it, but it is not the only thing we had in common.
I’m not speaking of instant friends. I’m not referring to the nice couple I sat next to at the assembly last year who gave me their number last year and said: let’s get together some time.
I’m sure some of you will think I’m being naive, but I have spoken with them all, and I’m sure they won’t see me in the streets and out-and-out snub me.
It’s the intimate association that will go away.
I know we won’t call each other up and talk for hours. I’m not going to be a bridesmaid in the upcoming wedding.
Things like that will be lost to me.
I am interested to see what happens after the convention because all of my closest friends have been on the lenient side about shunning in the cases of others, especially close friends and family.
We know people who did bad things like a brother who had a 2nd secret wife and kid on the side – actual polygamy.
Of course, everyone agreed he’d done wrong by his first family and the congregation by lying to his wife and kids for years. It was quite a scandal.
It didn’t feel wrong at all to shun him. But there were other situations where we felt like maybe things weren’t handled correctly and we still kind of kept in touch.
Again, avoiding identifying details.
I said this to say: I think my friends are likely to still talk to me, but not hang out with me anymore.
I’m certain my immediate family won’t shun me either. Again, witholding identifying details, but I am sure of it.
But I also don’t know how much emphasis will be put on severing all ties at the convention and/or how closely they will feel they have to adhere to it.
Will they double-down and be more strict about it all will they think about me and others they care about and think: this isn’t right?
I really don’t know. I’m waiting to see.

 
 
 
 
 Winston Smith says:

 May 26, 2016 at 3:18 pm
 
@FA75
 Here’s what helped me: before I fully faded, I developed two close non-JW friendships with workmates, another with a former RV I was able to confide in, and finally, I reconnected with a family member who had faded before me (and I had been shunning).
You definitely need a base of support before you can really start fading. You may also consider professional counseling or therapy, but you should look for someone who has had experience in dealing with patients who have been influenced by cults.
Once I had my support group in place, I was able to fade without any strong feeling of loss for the old relationships. It was still hard and there were (and sometimes still are) many uncomfortable situations that come up being a fader. But I can tell you that it gets easier. And now that I am more or less fully faded for almost 2 yrs (started the fading process in 2012), I can tell you that I have so much less stress in my life. When I was a JW, I had a lot of anger issues. Now I am calm and collected most of the time.
WS
Reply
 
 Grace says:

 May 26, 2016 at 5:44 pm
 
Also, one of the things I made myself do was find a weekend workshop. I chose an art class & a silver jewellery making class. I thought being just a weekend thing, I wasn’t committed after that if I didn’t feel comfortable with other people. Well it was the best thing that I ever did & now I want to keep doing it.
Reply
 
 fallingangel75 says:

 May 27, 2016 at 12:30 am
 
Erg! I keep typing these comments on my phone and this autocorrect is making me want to murder it! It keeps making mistakes instead of correcting them.
Ack! Kind of like the org…
Anyway, I also wanted to say that I am aware of the precarious position I’m in. I’m stating that I know my friends and family care and won’t disown me.
….for having doubts and struggling to accept my husband’s change in his hope.
However, I know it would be a totally different situation if they knew I was frequently visiting this site and leaving these comments.
I would get an instant cold shoulder for sure. That does frustrate and anger me.
But, at the same time, I am trying to remain as anonymous as possible while still making my opinions clearly known because I don’t want to be completely cut off from everyone, but I still feel compelled to air my complaints.
I’m sure I am not alone in feeling this way.
I want to leave, but not on bad terms.

 
 
 
 fallingangel75 says:

 May 27, 2016 at 1:19 am
 
Thanks Winston, and not to discount any of your advice and kind words. But it’s kind of like the way a few people said: don’t worry, so Jehovah is taking your husband to heaven.
He’ll give you a new and better one next time.
Wait? What?
It’s not that I believe I couldn’t remarry and be happy with someone else. I believe I can. I don’t doubt that.
But the relationship I have with my husband is unique to us and cannot be replaced or recreated.
And I feel that way about my friendships. I really do make friends easily.
I’m not worried about being lonely at all. I won’t be sitting at home by myself and if I do leave my husband, and choose to date again I’m certain I will find someone soon.
I’m attractive and fun and still young-ish. I look even younger than I am, and I meet a lot of professional, successful men in my line of work.
I’m not wearing my wedding rings and I get asked out a lot.
That’s part of the reason why my husband is worried about our marriage now.
But…. I value the history of my current friendships just like I value my marriage.
I know I can start over and move forward. I don’t doubt that at all.
But I don’t want to.
And if I am forced to, I will still grieve the loss of the unique friendships I developed and lovingly maintained for decades.
Making new friends will never eliminate the sorrow I know I will feel over losing the old ones. I think everyone is different when it comes to this.
Reply
 
 fallingangel75 says:

 May 27, 2016 at 1:26 am
 
And I’m upset about the fact that the separation we face is arbitrary and unnecessary. No one is dying. No crimes have been committed.
It’s all because of man made rules in a man made institution.

 
 
 M Saurus says:

 May 27, 2016 at 7:22 am
 
FA – I never thought my own mother would shun me either. Or the people I’ve known since I was 8 years old (44 years ago!)

 
 
 
 
 
 John ship says:

 May 27, 2016 at 5:19 am
 
Same as you fading .wife and most family in .im 72 if i DS i face loosing my grandchildren and family .exept my wife she knows im done with it but has ssid she would never shun me. Ive been in sincs 60s and seen all the changes. The shunning was only in a spiritual sense then family ties remaned the same .however the “new ” GB are do paranoid about loosing control of the org they are ratcheting up the shunning threat . All they are doing is driving people like us further away..who would want to serve these evil men. .i simpathise with you there are probably 1000s like us ..
Reply
 
 
 
 M Saurus says:

 May 26, 2016 at 9:26 am
 
I guess some people view the fading and subsequent shunning differently than others.
Rather than feeling pain and sadness over the “friends” you let go, I feel anger towards them. You did not let them go. They let YOU go, simply because you do not believe the things they believe.
You have been “close” to them for 20-30 years and they have been with you for every life event? And when you say you don’t want to be a JW anymore they can dump you like yesterday’s trash? That should make you angry! Sad maybe at first, then ANGRY that THEY are treating you that way.
By wallowing in all the sadness and guilt (why are you guilty, again?) you are letting the org WIN. You are a better person than that.
I refuse to write a letter to “disassociate” myself. I haven’t been to a meeting in over three years so I consider myself no longer associated. By writing a letter (THEIR RULE) you are still following their guidelines.
You will make new and better (and more loyal) friends. Don’t mourn these people who have made the decision to shun you.
Reply
 
 Big B says:

 May 26, 2016 at 12:19 pm
 
@ M Saurus
Ditto, very well put and relevant.
To all who use this site for therapy, as I do after over 50 years in servitude to this cult, I can verify that although hard sometimes I feel totally liberated which outweighs (for me) any “family or friends” lost due to their shunning.
The WTBTS is a controlling, pedophile protecting, family destroying, lying cult made up of LOSERS, who failed in this system to make something of their lives and wait for Armageddon to straighten up the playing field for another chance at earthly life. Baloney!
To everyone, ex-JW’s, disfellowshiped ones, those fading and disassociated I have suggestions as to get on with your life. Yes, there is a life after JW’s.
1. Find something you enjoy or would like to learn and do it!
For example: Where I live Community Colleges offer free classes to those at least 60 years of age. You audit the class (no grade) with no papers, homework or attendance requirements. All the free education/instruction you want for free. What a deal! 🙂
2. Make new friends at those classes as they share the same interests as you (why not, it’s a natural fit).
3. Celebrate holidays, birthdays, etc. with your new friends! You need not worry about JW guidelines as they don’t apply to you anymore. I have celebrated all Holidays (including X-mas, Halloween, etc.) and enjoyed all of them immensely!
4. Keep busy don’t mope around. If time permits, get active in the community or volunteer for worthwhile causes.
For example: I registered to vote. Those who complain about their government and then don’t express their displeasure at the ballot box, shouldn’t gripe. You want change? VOTE! Waiting for Christ’s return will not bring about any change before you die a disappointed, discouraged, disillusioned death, like most JW’s.
5. Don’t give any JW a cause for thinking you’re miserable. Put on a Happy Face and mean it! 🙂 If they should ask you “how are things?” always answer in a positive way, “couldn’t be better, I’m great!” After all, you are the free one they, on the other hand, are still in servitude to their life sucking, non-paying, time bandit cult!
Again, I do not treat anyone’s life experiences leaving this cult lightly, it hurts. That’s what cults do, make it nearly impossible to leave unscathed. However, if you value your God given Christian freedom to make your own choices, then maybe some of my suggestions may help you as they have helped me.
Good Luck
Reply
 
 M Saurus says:

 May 26, 2016 at 12:53 pm
 
Well said, Big B !
Reply
 
 
 Winston Smith says:

 May 26, 2016 at 3:31 pm
 
Good points Big B. I just registered to vote earlier this year. I attended my first company Christmas party back in 2012 – and I didn’t burst into flames. I can’t celebrate at home because my wife is still in, but outside the home, I can do anything I please. It’s so liberating being free of the Watchtower shackles! The best part is waking up on Sunday morning and realizing that you don’t have to go anywhere; the day is yours.
WS
Reply
 
 fallingangel75 says:

 May 27, 2016 at 12:34 am
 
I plan to vote in the upcoming presidential election as well, although knowing how the electoral college works, my one vote still may not have the desired outcome. But that’s another issue entirely!
Reply
 
 
 
 
 Winston Smith says:

 May 26, 2016 at 3:25 pm
 
I agree with you M Saurus, except on one point: I am not angry about the lost JW relationships. I am simply indifferent. If they think I am not good enough them then it’s their loss. I don’t need fair-weather friends or to waste a single moment on them either missing them or in anger. If putting me down makes them feel better about themselves and their sorry situation, so be it. Doesn’t effect me one way or the other.
WS
Reply
 
 
 D.S. says:

 May 26, 2016 at 8:23 pm
 
I did write the letter. But ONLY to let them know for sure that I was no longer a jw. My only regret was that I did not include in my exit ticket all of the reasons I now know they are a horrible cult!
Reply
 
 
 Sval says:

 May 27, 2016 at 8:37 am
 
I agree with you MS, I also feel anger. I’ve been out for 8 years now and the first couple of years the “friends” would treat me half way decently thinking that I could be won back. When they realized I was out for good, I’m treated the same as a DF’d member. This includes my very best friend of 40 yrs. It hurt at first but I am now very disappointed and angry with them.
 I will say that my life is better now then it has ever been. My marriage is also better. Thankfully my husband faded with me. Now to get my son and his family out. Until then, I have to be very careful what I say. I’m so glad to have found this sight. I gives me comfort to know there are so many that I can relate with and share experiences.
Reply
 
 
 
 Arvjdy says:

 May 26, 2016 at 10:28 am
 
Thank you for this site. It reminds me that I’m not alone. I lost all my family except my wife in the organization. Thank you to all who contributed their experiences.
Reply
 
 Sarah says:

 May 26, 2016 at 11:03 am
 
Thanks too from me. This site works well, so I appreciate the good technological skill involved.
Reply
 
 
 
 ScotWm says:

 May 26, 2016 at 10:41 am
 
Perhaps the Watchtower policy of shunning should be reexamined. My writing skills are not the greatest, but if this topic is of interest to anyone, I would be willing to try.
The Friday afternoon session of the REMAIN LOYAL TO JEHOVAH! 2016 Convention of Jehovah’s Witnesses features a symposium entitled “Shun Unrepentant Wrongdoers” which, oddly enough, is followed by another talk entitled “Be Forgiving.” I have recently started to think that some shunning may be needed in order to protect myself and others.
Just when I thought that I had come to terms with the Watchtower’s unscriptural shunning policies, I came across a troubling YouTube video. The video features an “apostate” who lights up a cigarette and continues to smoke as he complains about how Witnesses shunned him after he disassociated himself from the Watchtower organization.
A dictionary definition of shunning says that it is “to avoid deliberately and especially habitually.” Shunning may not be scriptural, but I would definitely want to deliberately and habitually avoid contact with someone who has so little respect for me that he would expect me to breathe deadly second hand smoke whenever I am around him.
It is obvious that not everyone views smoking as a bad habit. The illustration for “Update: JW Survey needs YOU!” shows a man smoking a pipe as he types out what are probably denunciations of false Watchtower doctrines. But what about shunning known pedophiles, for example? Would that be justified?
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=yI910M9Q-xo
Reply
 
 Sarah says:

 May 26, 2016 at 11:09 am
 
I really liked the illustration although don’t like smoking. It’s obviously a tongue-in-cheek picture of a journalist/writer. Quite appropriate.
Writing a letter to leave the organization protected me from harassment from some very unchristian people, so their shunning policy worked to my benefit. Not everyone will have the same circs.
My aim is to prevent harm to others so I continue to work to publicise the unlawful aspects of WT so as to prevent young ones from being pushed into suicide.
Reply
 
 ScotWm says:

 May 26, 2016 at 12:17 pm
 
Sarah says: “I really liked the illustration although don’t like smoking.”
Yes, but now I’m having second thoughts about smoking. I may have been too judgmental on the subject because some people like having cigarette smoke blown in their faces. This Chesterfield ad proves my point:
http://tinyurl.com/zghs2f3
Reply
 
 
 
 dee2 says:

 May 26, 2016 at 11:19 am
 
ScotWm,
Maybe the guy in the picture is smoking medical marijuana……… lol.
Reply
 
 ScotWm says:

 May 26, 2016 at 11:55 am
 
dee2 says: “Maybe the guy in the picture is smoking medical marijuana………”
Yeah, complete with a filter. Sipping Bud Light while smoking a cigarette really enhances his presentation.
Reply
 
 dee2 says:

 May 26, 2016 at 12:12 pm
 
?????? I’m referring to the picture in the above JWsurvey article, which doesn’t have any of the other things which you mentioned.
Reply
 
 ScotWm says:

 May 26, 2016 at 12:20 pm
 
Sorry, I thought you were referring to the video link I supplied in my original post. After all, you did say “picture” not “video.”

 
 
 
 
 
 Eyes opened says:

 May 26, 2016 at 12:29 pm
 
@ScotWm
The decision to shun or not should be our own as we choose the right associates for ourselves. There are people we are naturally drawn to and others we avoid for our own reasons. The problem is when others think they have the right to make those choices for us. I am on the hot seat for associating with an individual who no longer agrees with everything the wbts teaches. This person has completely faded. Yet this person is kind, generous, hospitable and displays Christ like qualities out of a good heart. This person’s gifts of mercy are genuine. Am I going to shun this person because there are those in the org who think I should??? Not a chance.
 Kind of a sensitive subject, sorry.
Regards
Reply
 
 ScotWm says:

 May 26, 2016 at 1:10 pm
 
Eyes opened says: “The decision to shun or not should be our own as we choose the right associates for ourselves.”
That’s really what its all about. Being required to shun someone who speaks out against false Watchtower doctrines shouldn’t be mandated by cult leaders.
When Witnesses speak out against false Watchtower doctrines, they are called apostates. When Watchtower leaders change an old false teaching (often into a new false teaching) the process is called an “adjustment” to our understanding.
Adjustment of old truths, such as “millions now living will never die” and “the earthly resurrection of ancient worthies would occur in 1925” have been made by the Governing Body. The false teaching that “those who saw the events of 1914 will by no means pass away before the Great Tribulation” has now been replaced by the false overlapping generation teaching.
So who are the real apostates? Are they the spirit anointed Watchtower leaders who made the original false prophesies? Or are they the spirit anointed Watchtower leaders who exposed the original false doctrines and adjusted their understanding of these matters?
Reply
 
 
 
 
 Holy Connoli says:

 May 26, 2016 at 10:51 am
 
To Nan Restivo: You domake a good point. However not everyone can “MOVE ON” like you have. You are fortunate you and your husband are still together and love each other. In many JW cases when one partner awakens the other will not and will leave or use that as an excuse to divorce or separate and do economic harm and other things to the AWAKENED SPOUSE. In my case my wife is fanatic JW even worse than a “NORAML” JW. Everything in her life is WT. You cannot have a normal disxcussionw her on religion or errors of the WT or anything they do bc they are infallible to her. It creates tension for the entire family and she has moved out basically abandoning the family and she pioneers and lives in one of the family rental homes.it has caused great havoc to me and the adult children . Only 1 of the kids is still a JW and even that child think she is off the wall. My point is yu are fortunate for your situation but yours is unusual. I to, have made many friends outside the WT world and good ones also. I have another life that is not effected by the JW however the way they have hurt so many does not go away easily for most people.
Reply
 
 D.S. says:

 May 26, 2016 at 8:28 pm
 
I left but my unbaptized mate stayed. Our home is full of tension. I’d rather be divorced than live with a jw, baptized or not.
Reply
 
 
 
 rob says:

 May 26, 2016 at 10:55 am
 
I too have moved on and feel no anger or resentment with respect to the time that I was a witness, but anyone who has family and former close friends who are still witnesses will never ever be free of the loose chains that still force us to look over our shoulder or that make us guarded in any communications or dealings with those who are still witnesses.
I really care for my family who are still witnesses and I enjoy their company and want to continue to spend time with them, but it is painful to not be able to speak freely and openly about religion and spirituality or other topics or to tell them how I feel about politics and how much i enjoy the holidays and how I view the witness religion or religion in general. I have learned to keep the conversations generic and so we talk about the weather and other bland topics.
It makes me sad to know that a religion has the power to trump family ties and strong friendships. It makes me sad to see that a religion can keep its far reaching tentacles on a person and the power it has to make people believe that it is more important than the love and affection of family.
Reply
 
 fallingangel75 says:

 May 26, 2016 at 4:45 pm
 
I haven’t moved on yet because I have just begun to fade (about 4 months) and absolutely all of my JW friends are still in the mode of trying to save me from myself and help me see the error of my ways.
They want me to return to Jehovah before I have gone too far afield. So, currently they are going out of their way to encourage and include me.
I know this will not last, but I cannot be angry with them for it. I cannot resent them or consider them losers.
They are not discarding me like yesterday’s garbage and they are not fair-weather friends. They are making extraordinary efforts to make sure I don’t lose out. I cannot be angry with them because I know that they think they are helping me.
And even once they do shun me, they will be thinking it’s for my own good.
And I know how much it pained and saddened me to know that friends had left the organization and according to my beliefs were no longer on the path to life.
I was not looking down on them. I was sad for them. I thought they were going to leave the safety of the organization and die! I thought they were going to ruin their lives now and forever.
I was genuinely concerned for their well-being. I can’t speak for everyone, but I know my friends care about me and believe they will be doing the right thing to help me and to remain loyal to Jehovah themselves.
I continue to be resentful about the institutional flaws and those at the top who are making and reinforcing the harmful policies, but I feel only sorrow for the individuals I know who are blindly following and being misled.
Reply
 
 Victor says:

 May 27, 2016 at 12:21 am
 
“they’re just following orders”… yes, i’ve already heard that!
Reply
 
 fallingangel75 says:

 May 27, 2016 at 12:47 am
 
To me the distinction between an excuse and an explanation is an important one. An explanation doesn’t have to excuse wrong practices or bad behavior, but it does help me to understand it.
I’m sure many of you may feel like I keep making excuses for the JWs and trying to express why some of this ok.
To be clear: absolutely none of it is ok! But I do understand the thinking behind their actions. I was recently a follower as well and honestly believed I was doing God’s will.
Reply
 
 
 
 M Saurus says:

 May 27, 2016 at 6:33 am
 
I understand. Really I do. But I still think they are definitely “fair weather friends”.
Fly your American Flag this Memorial Day weekend and see how many of them come to “check on you”, or “include you”.
This is happening because you are still in sort of limbo – once you take your stand and let them know you are not coming back, they will leave you alone. And although that will be hard for you at first, it is for the best.
A clean break is needed in order to move on.
Reply
 
 
 Winston Smith says:

 May 27, 2016 at 9:32 am
 
FA75,
 It’s like you are standing at the edge of an icy pool of water and wondering whether you should jump in or just slowly dip your toe in. Either way, you’ll eventually get all the way in the pool and your perspective will be different once you climb out on the other side.
WS
Reply
 
 
 
 
 Sharon Christensen says:

 May 26, 2016 at 11:25 am
 
Appreciate all the info here, soo much emotion etc. But voicing ones feelings and so on in a place like this, helps one deal with and file etc….to heal hurts and better cope…not an easy thing usually…there is lose of family, friends …one feels truly alone, at times. I always felt that Jehovah knows all, no matter how imperfect men treat a person…we have our reasons for how and why and what we do. Yet, being able to express ones thoughts and such, talk with people of similar experiences on Jw survey is an excellent way to come to peace to a certain extent …each one is travelling their own path, we are all unique individuals. Here we can have a voice…in the Jw.org…we have to do as we are told or we are marked, dfed and shunned. Funny how…the Jw.org solution to anything… Study lots..pray more, go in service more…Portray to the world…Jehovah’s “happy people”,meanwhile they are anything but …gossip, wine and antidepressants etc. help most cope and bury true feelings…and fit in to the norm life of being a JW…The govning body is not concerned with quality…just quantity…the ones who are staying are either controllers themselves and not worried about truth and justice…or what Jehovah and Jesus would want a person to do or how to treat a people. How many can say…the Elders were…a “craig” in a windstorm, in their case? Few and far between. After a life time of seeing and experienceing the heartless, cold reactions of many elders in many congs….I would sooner deal with the strong biting winds and pelting rain in the wilds, come out feeling stronger, empowered and refreshed than after a meeting with Jw.org directed elders…when done just feels like death is only way to relief. Been there done that…no more will they have control…everyone must heal, act and deal in their own way and time…but Never give up on life…Do Not allow Jw.org and their controlling ways take away happiness…beware of..”.The wolves in sheeps clothing!”… And for sure if you have money and material possessions, land etc., and are up in age….They will want more than just your hide!. Good day to all, keep your “whites”… wits about you cuz since end is near/here wolves get even more…snarly…grrr:))!
Reply
 
 
 Paranoid Android says:

 May 26, 2016 at 11:26 am
 
Cognitive Dissonance in action:
Just thought I’d share this quick.
Today, for the first time in literally years, I was called on by two JW’s.
Older ladies. Pleasant enough.
I guided the discussion towards the child abuse scandal in the Catholic Church, having watched the brilliant movie ‘Spotlight’ just the night before.
When the two JW’s expressed their outrage at the harm caused to so many, and the hypocrisy of the Catholic Church in it’s approach to the matter, I asked if they were aware that their own Religion was under scrutiny for the same problem.
They denied there was a problem, and went as far as saying that the JW organisation immediately reports matters of Child Abuse to the Police – and when I pressed further,
 they insisted that the ‘Two witness’ rule did not apply to crime in the congregations.
One of the ladies actually said that if this was not the case, she would refuse to be one of Jehovahs Witnesses.
I asked them if they knew about the Australian Royal Commission enquiry into the matter and they said no.
One of the ladies said that any suggestions or criticism online regarding child abuse was ‘Just slander’.
I accepted a tract from them on the basis that they would allow me to show them that the ARC Enquiry was a huge legal affair, and not a piece of Tabloid sensationalism.
They agreed, and I brought up the first article that the internet provided on the ARC case.
Among the first few lines was;
“Since 1950 the church has received 1,066 allegations against its members and did not report any of them to police.”
I continued to read the article to them.
 I finished and looked up at them.
They stared at me with empty eyes and one of them said…
‘We are not a church’.
Reply
 
 Big B says:

 May 26, 2016 at 12:45 pm
 
There are none so blind as those that REFUSE to see!
Poor disillusioned morons. Because they didn’t read it in their Kingdom Ministry or Watchtower journal then it must be a slanderous, apostate, Satanic inspired lie.
How pathetic for them and others just like them. They’re just a bunch of Watchtower apologist and ignorant, uneducated sheeple, being led on toward their own demise.
Truly Sad 🙁
Reply
 
 Paranoid Android says:

 May 27, 2016 at 6:31 am
 
Well these ladies were genuinely ‘not in the know’.
Awful to think that they can freely go from door to door selling a lifestyle that facilitates child abuse – and not even realise.
One of the ladies proceeded to blame it on Australia – I asked if the JW church was divided on it’s policies.
 When they said no, I said that this problem is not unique to Australia and that the Charity Commission in the UK was pursuing a similar investigation.
By this point they had pretty much walked off.
 I told them that they seemed like nice people, but for the sake of the children in the neighbourhoods they visit, they should double check what safeguards their congregations have in place against predators.
By this point I don’t think they could understand English anymore.
 The holy spirit having scrambled my words into demonic growls and goat-like bleats.
Reply
 
 M Saurus says:

 May 27, 2016 at 8:43 am
 
Paranoid – that is the funniest thing I’ve seen in a while!
“The holy spirit having scrambled my words into demonic growls and goat-like bleats.” Ha!!
Reply
 
 
 
 
 Tara says:

 May 26, 2016 at 12:49 pm
 
Well done you! I have gone over this scenario in my head dozens of times and think this is an awesome approach. after all, they will love the Catholic bashing but watch that turn to dismay as you show them, esp the ARC footage. Saying that, I actually had one sister say to me that it was fake and they were actors out to slander the witnesses. Yeesh.
Reply
 
 Big B says:

 May 26, 2016 at 1:39 pm
 
@ Tara;
Even with footage of Governing Body member Geoffrey Jackson? Was he an actor as well, like an Elvis impersonator?
This truly is a new level of stupidity and absurdity!
LMAO! 🙂
Reply
 
 
 Minion says:

 May 26, 2016 at 6:52 pm
 
Greetings to all:
This proves to me active JWs are truly Zombie’s,
1. They can’t talk to defend TTATT,
 2. They can’t walk to defend TTATT,
 3. They can’t think to defend TTATT,
 4. They can’t ‘handle the truth’!!!
During the ARC, child abuse questioning.
 G.Jackson, the dialogue between the main chairman the judge. The chairman was questioning G.Jackson about disciplined – using the ‘rod’, guided G.Jackson through several scriptures and G.Jackson tried to defend The Watchtower’s stance and referred the JWs as the church. And has a hard time defending his opinion. And uses the expression church while going in circles.
 At one point, the Judge said, “you didn’t answer my question fool” (fool my word added)
JWs are Zombie’s – by way of there actions.
 It’s true or its not.
“Support The Worldwide Work”
“Support The Worldwide Work”
Peace out,
Reply
 
 
 Paranoid Android says:

 May 27, 2016 at 6:38 am
 
Hi Tara
 Yeah.. It was more depressing than anything really.
 The absolute mental resistance they have against obvious truth and logical argument is upsetting.
At some point I will have an opportunity to try and get through to my brother again.
 He’s an Elder and Presiding Overseer – Quite a pious one.
 A ‘Super-Elder’ if you will.
I take opportunities like the one yesterday to fine-tune my ability to prove that the JW cult is not Truth.
However… Besides planting a seed, it tends to feel quite futile.
 And the opportunities to discuss it are few and far between.
Still. It must be done.
Reply
 
 
 
 Minion says:

 May 26, 2016 at 7:16 pm
 
@ PA,
Be sure to turn in or mail in your field service time, and be sure to mention from a ‘fader’.
For sure this was more than 15 minutes.
Great execution!
Peace out,
Reply
 
 D.S. says:

 May 26, 2016 at 8:39 pm
 
🙂
Reply
 
 
 Paranoid Android says:

 May 27, 2016 at 6:45 am
 
Haha! Nice one Minion.
 I used to be a Pioneer so I get the reference.
 T
 Makes me think of the cheats we used to do as Pioneers to hit target.
 Like… Shove a Tract into your Neighbours letter box as you left the house, so you could start ‘Counting your hours’ from the crack of dawn…
Reply
 
 
 
 
 Sharon Christensen says:

 May 26, 2016 at 11:40 am
 
Awesome that you took the opp. to…”give a witness” as to the goings on of Jw.org, that most Wts are in the dark about…or refusing to believe cuz directed by the upper crustys to act as if….uh duh…deny deny…GOOD WORK!!! Plant the seed…watch it …grow and crawl!!!! :))). Getting “itchy”, at just the thought!
Reply
 
 Paranoid Android says:

 May 27, 2016 at 6:50 am
 
I think most of the general Witnesses don’t know what is going on in their midst.
Therefore, I think perhaps we have a responsibility to try and raise awareness when we can.
Even if it falls on ears that refuse to hear it.
 Like you say, maybe the seed will grow.
Reply
 
 
 
 Garrett says:

 May 26, 2016 at 12:41 pm
 
Thank you Covert, John, Lloyd and crew. You are our captains. Lead us to victory .
Reply
 
 Winston Smith says:

 May 26, 2016 at 5:10 pm
 
I appreciate the hard work the JW Survey team does too, but I follow no man. Perhaps you only meant your comment in jest, Garrett, but blindly following men is one of ultimate problems with the entire JW movement. I am no longer a servant of men, although I do consider myself a servant of humanity. There’s a key difference there.
WS
Reply
 
 dee2 says:

 May 27, 2016 at 12:34 pm
 
Absolutely WS.
The JW experience has certainly taught me to never let someone else do the thinking for me, to never suspend my critical reasoning skills and power of reasoning in any aspect of my life and let someone else do the thinking for me, but to always question and critically, rationally and skeptically analyze everything and draw my own conclusions – never delegate this to anyone.
Reply
 
 
 
 
 ruthlee says:

 May 27, 2016 at 12:38 am
 
What great comments this week ! Here is my 10 centsworth. I heard this week that the vast apostate army are in revolt. That is such an inspiring word after all the peasants are revolting are they not . However they only revolt when things become intolerable and leadership speak revolting things. It is interesting “we” are mentioning the summer assembly more than the drooling jdubs because without even enduring the tedious talks we know they will have nothing good to say. A few weeks back we had the baby eating bishop call aka the circus oversneer and his whip cracking dolly wife. The gospel message was we are to be gentle. What a travesty to the lost sheep out there if and a big if we hooked them in and they became naughty sheep then shun shun shun til the finality of bird food. Call that gentle ummm I think not. These people will condemn themselves out of their own bibles and mouths. At the end they will have just a work to do nothing else, no love , no friends, no money, and no hope, Only those who are not dedicated to a work can see this fraud for what it is. I am moving on quickly now have got in touch with just two people who do not judge me and I know I can trust I don’t need 8million to make me happy I’m not JC so I couldn’t feed them anyway.It is all about the small things and quality over quantity. After all even god does not despise the day of small things. cheers Ruthlee
Reply
 
 
 Caroline says:

 May 27, 2016 at 7:07 am
 
Since my husband passed away in March, I have had a lot of Witnesses try and “encourage” me and I was at a loss as what to say to them because it’s so hard to know when and where to start with all my problems with the Society so I developed a different approach where they can’t come after me and disfellowship me for apostasy and it’s working really well and it’s quick and easy.
I have them read Acts 7:43 where Stephen was being stoned to death and he said that all during the forty years that the Israelites were in the wilderness they were serving Molech. If you go to the Insight Book #2 Witnesses the will have to admit that Molech was the god that the Israelites notoriously sacrificed their children to in a burning fire.
Then tell them to explain Numbers chapter 31:40 where Jehovah told Moses to give 32 little virgin girls to Eleazer the priest. That was Jehovah’s “tax” out of the 32,000 virgin girls that were left alive after the Israelites destroyed everyone in Midian at Jehovah’s orders. The rest of those little girls were apportioned out between the men that went to war, the congregation and the Levites.
What would Jehovah do with 32 little virgin girls? The only logical conclusion is that they were sacrificed to Molech just as Stephen says at Acts 7:43.
They can’t explain it away and then you say to them “that is the God that YOU worship and I’d like you to explain to me that just because you chose to worship a god like that, why am I supposed to worship him as well?”
I have done this with 3 people so far and they have promised me that they will look it up.
They need to explain to us why they worship that God. We don’t need to explain anything.
Reply
 
 
 Caroline says:

 May 27, 2016 at 7:36 am
 
On second thought, if you use my approach, don’t say to them “why am I supposed to worship that god as well?” because they might be able to still disfellowship you for apostasy. I’d just leave it at making them explain it because the onus is on them to explain why they worship that god.”
Reply
 
 dee2 says:

 May 27, 2016 at 12:40 pm
 
Caroline,
You have taken an excellent approach to the situation. Whenever someone makes a claim, especially an extraordinary claim, the onus is on them, not you, to prove it.
It will be interesting to hear the answers regarding the fate of the 32 little virgin girls in Numbers 31. Perhaps they will say that they weren’t sacrificed but became slaves, but again, the onus will be on them to prove this.
Something else which I find interesting regarding human sacrifices is the fact that according to the Bible, God
 endorsed the genocide of the Canaanites and others living in the ‘promised land’ because the Canaanites, among other things, practiced human sacrifice; the sacrificing of their children was so detestable that it justified, “killing everything that breathes” (Deuteronomy 7:1-2, Deuteronomy 20:16, 17), yet God sacrificed his own son – how ironic.
Reply
 
 Winston Smith says:

 May 27, 2016 at 2:28 pm
 
It seems that child sacrifice/murder was a common theme in early Jewish writing. Abraham and Isaac, the killing of Hebrew male children by Egypt, the killing of Egyptian firstborn children, the sacrificing to Molech, the killing of Canaanite children, even Solomon suggesting cutting a living child in two. There are several other examples before you get to God sacrificing Jesus.
WS
Reply
 
 
 
 
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← Update: JW Survey needs YOU!
 
The Friday Column: No Girls Allowed – Growing up as a Female Jehovah’s Witness
Posted on May 27, 2016
 
From JW Survey contributor Brooke
No girls allowed – a common theme throughout my childhood; raised with all older boy cousins, I had to learn to stick up for myself. I fought tooth and nail for my spot in the video game room, just to watch them play. Just to feel like a part of the group.
My rules for entry were simple: sit there, be quiet and don’t complain. Plus, please bring us chips and soda when we ask.
It amazes me that I was never allowed to grow up from this little girl; according to Jehovah, this was the role I was meant to play for the rest of my life
Sit There
Be Quiet
Don’t Complain
It is your “privilege” to do things for us when we ask. But you never get to hold the controller. it’s never your game. Isn’t it fun to watch us play?
To the Kingdom Hall! – No Difference
I was not having fun. Somehow the idea that I wasn’t qualified to hold a microphone didn’t sit right inside me.
(Among  Jehovah’s Witnesses, a rite of passage occurs when a young man is given the privilege of carrying microphones inside the Kingdom Hall, passing them to members giving comments or testimonials)
I was polite, smart and well spoken, with a natural ease for public presentation; but never granted the privilege to address an audience. I could only speak on stage, sitting down with my legs crossed, addressing another woman. I never got my day on the podium. It was never my turn to play.
But this is as God intended –  Jehovah’s Witness women are inferior, they are not capable.
Jehovah's Witness Leadership - Girls need not apply
Jehovah’s Witness Leadership – Girls need not apply
 
man’s little helpers
 
Somehow the ability to bear children makes me less desirable than a man who is deaf, dumb and blind. I was reminded that there are no princesses on the throne with Jesus. Well, you all sound like a bunch of pricks (or a word which rhymes with pricks).
 
nogirlsallowed650
I found myself wondering, why I could not do everything the boys did. I am a very strong woman, always have been. I wrestled with boys and played backyard football. I was never the biggest or the strongest but, I was not half-bad. I never identified with the daintiness of being a girl. I understand that some women do, but that was never me.
Despite the way I felt, I was born into a submissive role. As a female member of the Jehovah’s Witness Congregation, certain “feminine” attributes were expected of me. I was placed in high heels from the age of five and only permitted to wear skirts to the Kingdom Hall. Women were not allowed to wear pants suits; this was considered “inappropriate”. Once I became a part of the Theocratic Ministry School, it was made clear to me that the only instructional parts I was allowed to present were the bible study presentations, where I demonstrated how to conduct a bible study to the congregation by the passive manner of having a conversation on stage with another woman. I was not supposed to address the audience. My brother was allowed to stand at the podium and carry out a bible reading. This made no sense to me. Firstly, I was older than my brother. Secondly, I was a better reader.
sister-micc
A rare sight: Jehovah’s Witness female in Slovenia serving as microphone passer for the day

Then one year I noticed that one of the elderly ladies in my congregation was partaking of the emblems at the memorial observance of Christ’s death. This action symbolized that she was anointed and one of the 144,000 destined for heaven. Afterwards, I talked to my mother about it and asked her if this woman was ever allowed to speak from the podium. She told me no. She said that she remembered one time when most of the men were away for some reason and this woman was allowed to carry the microphones up and down the aisle for people to use when speaking. This privilege under any other circumstances was reserved for men. This paradox seemed absolutely absurd to me. A woman, who was so close with God that she was going to live with him in heaven, while the rest of us lived on Earth, was only granted the privilege of holding a microphone when all the men were away.  There is an obvious glass ceiling effect for women in the Jehovah’s Witness organization. Women are permitted to become pioneers for God’s work and spend hours preaching the word of God by knocking on their neighbor’s door with Jehovah’s Witness publications in hand. However, women are not allowed to hold any position of power within the organization. The roles of ministerial servant, elder, and committee member are reserved for men.
Who made up these rules?
Men made up these rules.
In our society, feminism often receives criticism. The definition of feminism according to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, is “the belief that men and women should have equal rights and opportunities”. With this definition in mind, I would consider myself a feminist. Google defines misogyny as “dislike of, contempt for or ingrained prejudice against women”. I would consider anyone who tells a person they are not allowed to obtain a certain position solely based on the fact that they were born female, a misogynist. I feel that I saw and experienced many examples of ingrained prejudice in the Jehovah’s Witness faith for being female.
Jehovah's Witness Organization - no place for a feminist
The Jehovah’s Witness Organization – no place for a talented, intelligent, free-thinking woman

 
Developing in this environment undoubtedly affected my psyche. I came to have a great feeling of inadequacy. I felt like I was never going to be “good enough”. I felt I was powerless. What I want to convey to someone in a similar situation is that no matter your age, ethnicity, race, sexuality or gender, every person has the power within himself or herself to be the person that they want to be. Do not let anyone stand in the way of your aspirations. You do not have to obtain your goals alone.
Always Love,
Brooke
 
 
EDITOR’S NOTE: The archaic position of the Jehovah’s Witness organization is largely based on Old Testament Biblical principles, which carried over into the Christian era. The example you just read from Survey contributor Brooke follows the misogynistic mandates from the Apostle Paul, who stated:

Let a woman learn in silence with full submissiveness. I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man, but she is to remain silent. For Adam was formed first, then Eve. Also, Adam was not deceived, but the woman was thoroughly deceived and became a transgressor. – 1 Timothy 2:11-14, New World Translation
Paul’s flawed reasoning consists of two arguments. First, that God created man before woman, therefore she MUST be inferior to man. Second, that a woman has lesser intelligence than a man, since Eve was intellectually incapable of recognizing deception. This mental deficiency rendered her useless as a decision-maker or judge.
The Watchtower Organization has no intention of revising its antiquated position on female members, as this would interfere with their entire organizational structure, and their relentless quest to harmonize every book of the currently accepted Bible canon. (including the misogynistic and homophobic statements of Paul)
The application of this Watchtower policy is being carried out even as I write this note. The 2016 Regional Assemblies of Jehovah’s Witnesses feature a live demonstration of the question and answer Watchtower study, during which 20-30 participants deliver their comments (or answers) to Watchtower paragraph questions. JW Survey has received a leaked copy of the instructions for this 30 minute talk, where very specific direction is given to the women who are assigned some of the comments. The edict states:

The sisters must NOT give the appearance of teaching
I know there are many JW women who feel unburdened by the existing family “arrangement” of male dominance and headship. To those we ask: Is this who you really are, or is this merely a role you are playing in life?
For all of the women trapped inside the Jehovah’s Witness organization, know that you are not alone in your feelings, and as Brooke says, you have the power to make a change, no matter how insurmountable this obstacle may seem.  There is a new sign in town – and it reads:
Girls Allowed
Girls Allowed
JR
 

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25 Responses to The Friday Column: No Girls Allowed – Growing up as a Female Jehovah’s Witness

 Oubliette says:

 May 27, 2016 at 1:09 pm
 
Great article! Thanks for writing this Brooke.
I’d just offer this comment: It’s not just women, this cult has “no place for a talented, intelligent, free-thinking” people period-men, women, young or old. It’s just: “Listen, Obey and Be Depressed.”
Let’s review: It’s a cult!
Reply
 
 
 Anonymous mom says:

 May 27, 2016 at 1:15 pm
 
Very good article! I can completely relate.. I’d like to submit an article, but will we remain anonymous or just have our first name mentioned? Personally, being anonymous would work out better for me as my situation is very easy recognized in my area. Thanks!
Reply
 
 John Redwood says:

 May 27, 2016 at 1:29 pm
 
Anonymous mom- please contact us at contact@jwsurvey.org. Your submissions will be kept completely private and anonymous. JR
Reply
 
 
 
 alanv says:

 May 27, 2016 at 1:27 pm
 
Well written Brooke. I can only imagine the frustration of capable women who are just treated as ‘added extras’ by the organisation. Many times they are far better speakers than men in the cong, and fully able to deal with countless subjects, and are certainly excellent managers and organisers as they show in their every day life outside of the kingdom Hall.
 Will be interesting to see if anything changes in the org after the ARC findings showed that women play no part in making decisions in sex abuse cases in the cong.
 I wont hold my breath though!
Reply
 
 
 Miker Tower says:

 May 27, 2016 at 1:35 pm
 
That’s why I enjoy to the level of Nirvana when Ms Davis made Jackson to recognize that policies regarding woman participation in “Judicial” committees.
 This woman…saying to the big fat bold cat…”Do you recognize it?..Do you?”.
Priceless.
 Yes…this cult is not a place for smart woman.
Reply
 
 
 Chiafade says:

 May 27, 2016 at 1:50 pm
 
Great article! Clear and concise
 I remember the reaction of “sisters” in the hall when they met a professional business woman. Whether visiting the kingdom Hall or at the door. It wasn’t a look of disdain. More often than not it was a look of envy and admiration.
That being said, I’ve known several JW business women. Those who had male subservients didn’t fair well in the organization. Again these are the ones that I know personally. These are very intelligent women and very capable who are accustomed to dealing with very intelligent and capable business men. So imagine their disappointment at having a bungling non educated non professional elder telling them what their home and sex life should consist of. This is a very important subject that can help many JW women wake up.
Reply
 
 Grace says:

 May 27, 2016 at 3:25 pm
 
Chiafade,
Yes it’s a strange contradiction for a successful woman to even be in a religion that’s so misogynistic.
But there are women out there who are smart, successful & beautiful who are living in & putting up with domestic abuse situations. I suppose it boils down to vulnerability for someone to find themselves in that situation. Everyone is susceptible to it at some stage in their lives.
Abuses are manipulators that charm their way in to a persons life. Offering the world to the victim. A person doesn’t enter into an abusive situation willingly or even knowingly, they’re charmed into it. That’s the way that I see the Society. Charming manipulators that are spiritual abusers.
Reply
 
 
 
 ScotWm says:

 May 27, 2016 at 1:55 pm
 
Even though the Governing Body Boy’s Club considers women to be subhuman, this quote comes directly from the New World Translation: “Now Debʹo·rah, a prophetess, the wife of Lapʹpi·doth, was judging Israel at that time. She used to sit under Debʹo·rah’s palm tree between Raʹmah and Bethʹel in the mountainous region of Eʹphra·im; the Israelites would go up to her for judgment.” (Judges 4: 4, 5)
Reply
 
 John Redwood says:

 May 27, 2016 at 2:50 pm
 
ScotWm – you bring up a great point, but you may not know that this is a debated issue with the JW writing department, as they have minimized and dismissed Deborah as a “real” judge. Check the Aid book and Insight book references. This is an article unto itself. JR
Reply
 
 
 
 Jeffreycanning says:

 May 27, 2016 at 2:11 pm
 
Don’t you just luurv apostates?… Keep up the good work…
Reply
 
 
 Will says:

 May 27, 2016 at 2:13 pm
 
That was a great article. I’m male and I started studying at 19. I’m almost 45 now. Anyway, when I first went to an assembly and referred to the chairman and a chairperson, the “brother” I was studying with quickly corrected me and quickly explain to me the reasons why. I thought it was the stupidest thing ever heard, but i still join the stupid religion. I was not in a good place. I saw so many red flags and completely ignored them. I have a daughter and a son now and I do not want them to think that women are second-class citizens. The whole obedience thing is so much worse for a woman in the organization then a man.
Reply
 
 Will says:

 May 27, 2016 at 2:18 pm
 
Referred to the brother AS A chairperson not a chairman. Sorry, I’m doing this from my iPhone
Reply
 
 
 
 Big B says:

 May 27, 2016 at 2:14 pm
 
Brooke:
A poignant nicely written article.
My wife, who was in the banking industry for years, was asked, along with other sisters familiar with banking, to help count the Contributions during the lunch intermission and at the end of the day during the Circuit Assemblies.
Those sisters never missed a beat counting, collating the different denominations of currency lickity-split. All was accomplished during the lunch break with time to spare! Well, to make a long story short, a Circuit Overseer came to find out that sisters were counting the contributions and immediately dismissed them with a curt “your services will no longer be required”. Let’s get some ham-handed dummies (read “brothers”) with no banking or business experience in here to do this work.
What happened was a total miscounting of the contributions, which had to be reconciled over and over again. What normally would have taken 35 minutes for three sisters to accomplish now took the “new and improved” system the entire afternoon session to tabulate.
Another perfect example of WTBTS cutting off their nose to spite their face. Good theocratic thinking double dummies! The Holy Spirit does it again!
Oh, as a side note, my lovely, smart, talented wife balances all family check books and saving accounts, pays all bills on time and at her work is a para-planner handling millions of dollars for people investing their retirement in stocks. You sisters rock and don’t let anyone say or convince you otherwise!
So go pound sand WTBTS! 🙂
Reply
 
 
 John McCcarthy says:

 May 27, 2016 at 2:19 pm
 
Excellent article Brooke! It was for reasons like this that I exited the cult when I did. There are so many intelligent, educated women in the organization that are more than capable of handling any assignment the Watchtower can give them, including serving on the Governing Body! But, simply because of being born female, they automatically have to take a back seat to males. They have to be “careful” not to make some stupid male look inferior by their comments or possibly give the impression of “teaching” the congregation (Oh heaven forbid!!! – sarcasm). Although I feel the world still treats women as “second class” citizens. In my opinion the Watchtower treats women as “third class” citizens. No one should be discriminated against like this.
Reply
 
 
 Josie Picot says:

 May 27, 2016 at 2:41 pm
 
I can remember my mother having to put a hanky or scarf over her head to be able to pray in the presence of, and on behalf of, a man!
Reply
 
 
 Josie Picot says:

 May 27, 2016 at 2:45 pm
 
Excellent article. I can remember my highly intelligent mother having to put a hanky or scarf over her head to be able to pray in the presence of, and on behalf of, a man.
Reply
 
 
 Jarred Booth says:

 May 27, 2016 at 3:03 pm
 
There are a number of references to JW women/wives/daughters in WT documents that women aren’t even supposed to read. The C.O. guideline manual even has an entire chapter on wives of C.O.shttps://www.the-newshub.com/general/jehovahs-witness-watchtower-confidential-documents-take-a-leak
 When I read on jwfacts that a 1930s Golden Age article suggested that all women will turn into men in the “new world” I almost thought it was a prank.
 Unbelievable what this organization can come up with.
Reply
 
 
 Mama Joy says:

 May 27, 2016 at 3:14 pm
 
After that scripture it also mentions that the bishops (elders) should only be married once.
So there are no divorced elders?
It also says they should run a reputable household because if you can’t control your own house then how can you oversee a congregation?
So no elders have disfellowshipped children?
They obviously cherry pick their religion to fit whatever rule they make up.
Reply
 
 
 Mama Joy says:

 May 27, 2016 at 3:16 pm
 
They must have missed all the early churches who were ran by women.
Reply
 
 
 Ricaboldis says:

 May 27, 2016 at 3:35 pm
 
A great article, and something that always puzzled me as a child JW.
 I remember asking my parents repeatedly why a woman can’t give a talk or why women can’t do certain things. (And don’t get me started on the absurd Tea Towel over the head if no baptised male was present to say a prayer.)
The response from a lot of women was – ‘I wouldn’t want to give a talk’, and they would ask the other women around them ‘would you?’
The group would no doubt nod and agree with the ‘senior sister’. But I always sensed that some of these women were secretly unhappy, and would have made great speakers.
 Sadly the whole organisation does not recognise talent or appreciate that each individual regardless if they are male or female has unique abilities.
Someone who can rewire a whole building, or install a state of the art computer system may not be the most confident speaker, and he will never make the Elder grade because he can’t give a decent talk. And this person despite his talents and abilities will be given patronising tasks and responsibilities.
 A woman who is an experienced councellor, a survivor of sex abuse, or just a wonderfully compasionate person will never be allowed to sit on a judicial comittee.
Since leaving the Witnesses aged 14 (fortunately I was not baptised) I have from time to time delved into Christianity and
 Some of the most inspiring, heart wrenching and life changing talks/sermons I have heard have been from women.
 Going back through the bible I discovered that actually the first person chosen to preach the ‘good news’ was Mary Magdalen, who was instructed to go and tell the disciples.
I wonder if the Governing Body would ever give a Woman the chance to be the first to deliver the next ‘New Light’?
No, the information might be too much for her pretty little head, best that she sticks to simple tasks, and if she is very strong in the truth she might, just might get to give an experience at the assembly, or make the Coffees before field service.
Reply
 
 
 rob says:

 May 27, 2016 at 3:40 pm
 
I am a male who grew up in a family with women who were all very good at making smart business decisions and who were good homemakers, great mothers, and also very successful career oriented women. Their ability to multi task always amazed me and to this day I am proud of them for their accomplishments.
I very much enjoy their company and enjoy listening to their points of view and on many occasions have recieved and have taken to heart, excellent advice from them.
It makes no sense to me that these same women would have to take a “back seat” to a man in the witness religion. It makes no sense to me that God would require that these women would not have the same privileges, and the same rights as men. The Bible talks about amazing women, Sara, Rebekkah, Ruth, Esther, Deborah, just to name a few.
In my humble opinion, I feel that the the witness religion makes up its own rules regarding women and they have equated themselves with God and want everyone to adhere to their man made rules.
Its unfortunate that women in this religion put up with this and allow themselves to be treated this way. Its also unfortunate that the men in the religion don’t see the value of allowing women to provide their input, their insights, knowledge and experience.
I believe that we can all learn alot from each other whether we are male or female.
Reply
 
 
 Caroline says:

 May 27, 2016 at 4:09 pm
 
I hate everything about the “truth” but if the Society started letting women give instruction talks and pass the mikes etc., that would be one more way of separating women out from the “real spiritual” females and the ones that aren’t perceived as “spiritual”. It would be one more way to make the ones that don’t get asked to do those “privileges”to feel even more unloved and disrespected then they already are.
The sisters that would be giving the talks would be the pioneers and the wives of the elders and the kids of the elders and they would get arrogant and egotistical just like what it does to a lot of elders.
According to the Bible, nobody should be above anybody else no matter what their gender is or their age or station in life. They should all be treated equally.
If the “little” one was asked to give public talks, who knows what that would do for them. It would boost everybody’s self-esteem but that’s not the way it works in the organization. They would purposely make people feel bad that didn’t get asked because they think the sisters would be so jealous that they would inspired to pioneer.
Reply
 
 
 Ren says:

 May 27, 2016 at 4:34 pm
 
Thank you for this wonderful article, Brooke. It brought back so many memories of growing up in the borg, and helps to solidify my exit, even though it cost me dearly in terms of family.
 At one of the last conventions I attended a sister was relating an experience on stage when her microphone cut out. After several attempts to jiggle it into working order, she shrugged and stepped over to the podium and used the brother’s microphone. You wouldn’t believe the murmurings about a woman using that microphone. She wasn’t even standing directly in front of the podium; she just leaned over and shared the mic with the presenting brother. I was waking up at the time and remember feeling like I’d fallen down the proverbial rabbit hole with all the energy spent on debating such an insignificant act. Women will never be real people to them. And it doesn’t matter how smart or skillful a woman is. Women shouldn’t be treated as equal based on someone’s assessment of her intelligence or skill set; she should be respected as an equal because she is a person, a human being.
Reply
 
 
 JWIntellect says:

 May 27, 2016 at 4:47 pm
 
Phenomenally written article in which an excellent issue is addressed, the subservient role of women within the Watchtower organization. I am so glad that you wrote about this, Brooke, and in the extremely beautiful, dignified, and eloquent manner that you did. People need to hear/read about this. This practice is unacceptable, anywhere in the world, most especially now that we’re living in the 21st century. I came across many highly intelligent women who were skilled teachers and speakers who could have very well been appointed elders and circuit overseers if only this were allowed. This, too, is a practice/policy of the organization that needs to change.
I have one more thing to add: There would be no man without woman.
Reply
 
 
 KimJones says:

 May 27, 2016 at 5:04 pm
 
Great article. You did a Great job. I want to say, I love my parents. I’m not talking bad about my parents I want to share what happened to me. I was a born in. My parents believed a man had to be able to support a woman before he could marry her and a woman was supposed to stay at home and not work. My parents were very upset when my sister-in-law got a job. None of the brothers I knew had jobs so they could support me where I wouldn’t have to go to work so I couldn’t go out with them. When I was thirty years old I believed I was going to be an old maid for the rest of my life so I married a ‘worldly’ man. We were married for twentyone years then he died from heart failure. Thank God I had to go to work during my marriage because now I have no problem supporting myself. My husband had money and sent me to nursing school. My parents look down on me. They say it’s to bad I’m doing good in my job because they want me to do more in the truth. This is my experience.
Reply
 
 
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20 Responses to Videos

 KtotheRAD "Konrad" says:

 August 25, 2013 at 6:55 pm
 
With every word they reveal and “impart” far more than they ever intended…
Reply
 
 
 george says:

 August 27, 2013 at 4:45 am
 
Sorry Cedars, I can only access the first video on my I pad. There are a lot of over sized play icons and they won’t work.
Reply
 
 
 Luke says:

 October 27, 2013 at 5:27 pm
 
Continue the good work on this site that expose what Watchtower Organization really are — a fanatic end-time driven cult that only serve interests of its leaders. I left this
 cult three years ago for good. My only regret is that I had not left the Watchtower Cult earlier! On Easter Sunday this year, I was baptized in the Name of the Father, Son, Holy Spirit and received into Eastern Orthodox Church, apostolic Church that preserved the Faith that was once for all delivered to the saints.
Cedar, you have my blessings of your work on this site that
 will yet help millions of JWs to see the truth of so-called ‘Truth’.
Reply
 
 
 Fred says:

 November 2, 2013 at 12:09 pm
 
Forget taking your numbers from a 1974 yearbook if you question the amount of those killed, interned, etc get the numbers from the Holocaust museum. You forgot to mention the ‘JEWS’ were and its quoted several times in the Watchtower publications as it is related in the bible, “ONCE GOD’S CHOSEN PEOPLE” but they did not remain that because of their actions. Your quotes from WT publications are based on the latter that they fell out of favour in God’s eyes. They therefor were NOT written in an anti-Semitic nature. Many Jews have become JW’s over the years are they lesser beings because they were of Jewish blood?…ABSOLUTELY NOT! All races are equal so this video in my opinion is twisted in its presentation. Not to mention the ridiculous claim of Rutherford’s so called love letter to Adolf Hitler. No blinders on here, I have checked the facts. Sorry but this video paints an untruthful twist of events and statements about the WT as regards the comments on the Nazi’s and Jews.
Reply
 
 
 Palma says:

 February 28, 2014 at 3:48 am
 
Hi everybody! Hi cedars!
 I found this article about a discovery in egypt that brings light to the origin of story of joseph in the bible.
 What do you think?http://www.davidovits.info/the-lost-fresco-and-the-bible-my-new-book-in-french/
Reply
 
 
 Idris says:

 March 27, 2014 at 8:12 am
 
Thank you for this page, it has been a great help to me, as I seek the truth of the word of God, however I noticed in the video ‘Does the Bible speak of ‘Paradise Earth’ the speaker quotes Luke 21v43 twice, regarding Jesus word on the cross, there should be a correction note as the verse he mentions is in Luke 23 v 43.
 Keep up the good work
Reply
 
 
 Julia Orwell says:

 July 17, 2014 at 3:47 am
 
Been to internationals before and this elaborate souvenir thing is entirely new. The last one I went to in 2009, the last ones they had, had nothing like this so it’s not a matter of you having not noticed it in the past, it’s a matter of it being a new phenomenon.
 I theorize that the wt motives for this involve keeping the masses busy and therefore obedient. Jws would volunteer to do this because there are no other legitimate outlets for creative expression. Armageddon being near has nothing to do with it: it’s about keeping the sheeple busy and happy. Making stupid trinkets is also a team building activity as it involves jws working together, thus reinforcing the herd mentality jws have.
Reply
 
 
 frankie fernandez says:

 February 27, 2015 at 4:44 pm
 
dear friends I was baptized in 1974. Thank God I am no longer a member of the WT. Free at last and oh what a relief it is. A member of my former congregation who I considerd my best friend molested a minor. There was a big argument amognst the elders on the judicial committee. One elder who was a maverick, wanted to notify the police. But, instead they followed the instuctions of the society. They kept this crime against the child, hush hush. So as not to tarnish the name of Jehovah. But in reality it was a coverup to protect the wt’s reputation. Meanwhile this poor child that was raped has to carry the heavy burden of a victim for the rest of thier lives without compensation and without justice. While the abuser has remaind a member in good standing. The congregation he is attending now has not been notified that he is a sexual preditor.
Reply
 
 Holy Connoli says:

 November 17, 2015 at 1:14 am
 
Frankie.If I were you I would turn him into the police now even though it may have been several years ago he committed this crime. Many sexual predators get turned in years later after the crime is reveled. At the very least he will be investigated and his Name will be mud for being a creep.
 He deserves it and so does the WT for its NON protection of the flock and not caring for the victim but only their phony reputation.
Reply
 
 
 Lesley HUmphreys-Jones says:

 February 15, 2016 at 10:10 am
 
Tell the police.
Reply
 
 
 
 Kirtley W. Burggraf says:

 March 11, 2015 at 11:16 am
 
Tell me, since governing body members are elected (replacing someone who dies) at what point do do they become “divinely inspired” or “spirit guided”? Were they always thus in the lower ranks or does this just “happen” the moment that they are appointed? What’s Watchtower’s take on this?
Reply
 
 
 Alone in MD says:

 March 31, 2015 at 6:00 pm
 
Regards your video on the Memorial Service. I am one of those “non believers” married to a baptized witness. I go to just keep the peace but I’ve made it known that I consider this service one of the worst religious ceremonies that I have ever been to. “Anointed What”. Also it was announced at last years meeting that “this may be the last memorial service”. They are at it again. Thanks for the great videos.
Reply
 
 
 frankie fernandez says:

 May 10, 2015 at 9:50 pm
 
IF CHRIST WAS ENTHRONGED IN 1914, WHY ARE THE WITNESES STILL CELEBRATING THE MEMORIAL? CHRIST SAID THAT AFTER HIS ARRIVAL NO ONE WAS TO CELEBRATE THE MEMORIAL .ALSO HE SAID THAT THE DAY OF HIS PRESENSE, IT WILL BE LIKE LIGHTNING FROM ONE POINT OF THE EARTH TO ANOTHER. LIGHTNING TRAVELS AT THE SPEED OF 3500 MILES PER SECOUND. SO IT WILL TRAVEL AROUND THE GLOBE IN LESS THAN A MINUTE. HE ALSO SAID THAT ALL EYES WILL SEE HIM. NOT LIKE THE WTS THAT SAYS WE ARE IN HIS INVISIBLE PRESENSE.
Reply
 
 
 pj wilcox says:

 July 31, 2015 at 3:21 am
 
I watched the latest video of the inept elder being questioned by the commission. Who prepared this man for testimony? You all are aware of the dentist who shot Cecil the lion in Kenya? Well his life is over. He is in hiding. What he did ,did not break laws in Kenya and his is in a world of trouble with public sentiment. But this elder being questioned is far worse. He covered deeds that drove people to think of killing themselves. Should he not go into hiding? Is his life over? Has he know conscience? Emotion, caring? You know the answer. Bet ya, damage control is working overtime on this.
Reply
 
 
 Adrian says:

 September 8, 2015 at 3:32 am
 
I think the Royal Commission videos demonstrate that fragility of the governance within the WT society. Yes, it’s an Australia branch issue but cross examination only points to the seat of control on which the governing body members sit. Everything starts and stops with the governing body, they set the policy but where are they? Sitting comfortably in NY watching from a distance ready to abdicate any responsibility whatsoever. A governing body governs and leads but I see no leadership I see the followers talking and being bashed around the head with questions, all too easy for the legal team.
However, it might just be me but does anyone else not see the lawyer’s gap in knowledge regarding the fundamental rationale for the WT society policies, they fall back in their comfort zone knowing that they can say ‘well we don’t have the authority to go beyond the bible.’
It’s this gap in knowledge of the legal representatives which the WT society exploit. I mean nobody is going to ask ‘ where actually did this translation come from anyway?’ What were the academic qualifications of the translators? Is there a possibility that you have interpreted things wrongly or even worse, translated things incorrectly? If there’s a possibility that your interpretation on how to deal with modern day child abuse cases in congregations may be flawed, then are you in agreement that your policies could result in lasting harm to victims of abuse? In my view that translation is the ‘elephant in the room’ every scholar knows it’s perverse but no one is holding this cult to account. So easy to say it’s all in the bible but should they really be saying it’s all in the NWT instead?
The WT society in the videos almost give of an innocence as if to say, ‘ but that’s what we understand from the scriptures’, and I think it works in their favor, but a savvy legal representative would do well to tease out the basis for the rendering of certain verses on which doctrine, policy and organisational decisions are based. So far the WT Society appears to be one step ahead because their authority is not a person but a book, which they are ‘only trying to understand and live by’. Expose the origin of the NWT and the basis for so many ridiculous uncaring decisions is called into question.
Reply
 
 
 Rick Viger says:

 November 10, 2015 at 3:26 pm
 
Thanks John for all you do with your videos.
 I’m an ex JW for 40 years now. I hope your videos reach some witnesses and make them think. For all of you that have left Watchtower remember you made the right decision.
Reply
 
 
 S.T. says:

 November 24, 2015 at 9:48 pm
 
I was wondering if anyone has heard that Jehovah’s witnesses are telling there congregations that the end of this system could have only hours left? My sister who is a Jehovah’s Witness said they are preaching this at the congregations. Has anyone else heard this?
Reply
 
 
 Paul says:

 April 3, 2016 at 10:24 pm
 
Indoctrination and mind control in its purest form. Will the BS never end, and is hard for me to understand why JW’S put up with this.
Reply
 
 
 ian York says:

 April 13, 2016 at 4:15 pm
 
It is hard to fathom how anybody could believe in the legitimacy of Watchtower’s claim to be God’s only organization on earth today when considering it started with the likes if this oaf. One would have to have a belief in predestination, an unscriptural concept, in order to square the circle of the now regarded apostate beliefs if the founder members and today’s dogma.
Reply
 
 
 Abby says:

 May 10, 2016 at 2:51 am
 
After pioneering for over a decade, I wondered where the GB got the 70 hours requirement. Did Jesus or the 12 Apostles count time? Honestly, I feel enslaved. Hmmm. I grateful to Yahowah for helping me discover this site. The stress is too burdensome for me. OMG We have been taught in the watchtower that when we revenge, we are being presumptuous is DF not presumptuousness? Let’s look at it this way. When you commit a grievous sin, who do you offend, God or elders? Is shunning not a way of doing Yahowah’s work for him. I just learnt that JW’s don’t bury dfd people. This is heart breaking. I call this rennaissance period for any one who wishes to wake up. Jephtah’s case is an eye opener, I had to confirm that from my book of bible stories, story 53. Hmmmm.
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The Friday Column: No Girls Allowed – Growing up as a Female Jehovah’s Witness
Posted on May 27, 2016

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From JW Survey contributor Brooke No girls allowed – a common theme throughout my childhood; raised with all older boy cousins, I had to learn to stick up for myself. I fought tooth and nail for my spot in the video game room, just to watch them play. Just to feel like a … Continue reading →

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Would you like to help make a difference? We are looking to expand our voluntary writing team in order to keep pace with the increasing amount of Watchtower related news stories, and also to keep pace with our growing community … Continue reading →

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Why Watchtower should be ashamed of its new homophobic child propaganda cartoon
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News Bulletin: Secret Watchtower documents once again demanded in new US court case.
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News Bulletin: Watchtower Faces Dilemma in Sex Abuse Ruling
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Watchtower has a long and ignominious history with its forays into the realm of science. Charles Taze Russell’s 1914 film The Photo-Drama of Creation advised cinema audiences that Earth was assembled in 49,000 years, that Noah’s Flood was caused by a Saturn-like orbital ring … Continue reading →

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The Friday Column: The Annual Jehovah’s Witness Convention: a Pseudo-utopia
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