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Reading suggestions regarding the BofM and 19th century religious culture.  
Posted: 04 March 2014 03:04 PM   [ Ignore ]   

   
 
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The Bishop's Son
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I am doing a small personal study project. I have heard from many here and other exmo groups that the BofM has many references to trends and inflluences from 19th century religious culture. I started reading it again with this in mind. Although I don't know much about the religious trends of 19th century America I can see some similarities. 
 
Does anyone know of any good books/essays on the subject? This is a topic that has started to really interest me and if anyone has any good reading suggestions it would be totes appreciated! 
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Posted: 04 March 2014 06:01 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 1 ]   

   
 
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Early on in my exit, I was extremely interested in this subject. I read a book online that came from a collection at the University of Utah, it was about Alexander Campbell and his teachings and how much they influenced early mormonism. I am afraid, it was a couple of computers ago and I don't remember the title. It was written in the late 1800's and was one of the more interesting reads if you could research that a bit. I remember I found out about it here at PostMo. Two other books which are fairly academic but available at Amazon are:
 
The Burned Over District by Whitney Cross
 
Cosmos Crumbling-American Reform and the Religious Imagination by Robert Abzug
 
For context of all religions in the 19th century "A Religious History of the American People"--by Sydney Ahlstrom  is probably one of the more definitive works.
 
Of course, the new discoveries "The Late War" and "First Napoleion" are a must read these days .
 
If you haven't read "Sidney Rigdon"--that will destroy any testimony that might still be floating around your cells!
 
Good luck--19th century religion is an interesting subject. 
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Posted: 04 March 2014 07:28 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 2 ]   

   
 
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Silver Girl
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The Bishop&#;s Son:
I am doing a small personal study project. I have heard from many here and other exmo groups that the BofM has many references to trends and inflluences from 19th century religious culture. I started reading it again with this in mind. Although I don't know much about the religious trends of 19th century America I can see some similarities. 
 
Does anyone know of any good books/essays on the subject? This is a topic that has started to really interest me and if anyone has any good reading suggestions it would be totes appreciated! 
 
Sounds like you would enjoy reading things written by historian D. Michael Quinn like Early Mormonism and the Magic World View, and Mormon Heirarchy:Origins of Power and Mormon Heirarchy: Extnesions of Power
 
Here is some info from his Wikipedia page:
 
Early Mormonism and the Magic World View[edit]
Early Mormonism and the Magic World View is an exhaustive recounting of the role of 19th-century New England folk magic lore in Joseph Smith's early visions and in the development of the Book of Mormon. Quinn argues that Smith's early religious experiences were inextricably intermingled with ritual, supernaturalism, and white magic. Evidence is drawn from friendly firsthand sources, unfriendly firsthand sources, material artifacts, and parallels in ideas. All four sources agree that Smith used a collection of different seer stones in searching for buried treasure supposedly left by pirates, Spaniards, and Native Americans. The evidence suggests that these same seer stones were one of the primary tools used by Smith in translating the Book of Mormon. Likewise, evidence from all four categories of sources supports the idea that Smith approved of the use of rods for dowsing activities. Indeed, the first published version of an early revelation told Oliver Cowdery that a dowsing rod (referred to as a "rod of nature") would serve as a means of receiving divine revelation. Other claims, including Smith's purported involvement in astrology and the idea that the Book of Mormon guardian Moroni transformed from the form of a salamander, are less supported by evidence.
 
...
The Mormon Hierarchy[edit]
The two volumes of The Mormon Hierarchy provide a comprehensive secular organizational history of the church from its founding to modern times, and its influence on current LDS culture and doctrine. The work emphasizes conflict, coercion, and violence, especially during the 19th century (see Danites, Mountain Meadows massacre, Blood Atonement and the Mormon wars). During the 20th century, Quinn asserts his view that the church was increasingly bureaucratized, its role in right-wing anti-Communism during the 1960s, efforts against the Equal Rights Amendment, political work against same-sex marriage and some forms of anti-discrimination legislation, the church's mid-century financial crisis, conflicts over policies such as the so-called "baseball baptisms" of youth who knew little about the church, presumed disagreements among church Apostles (that Hugh B. Brown was open to rescinding the Negro doctrine in 1963, and attempted to rescind it in 1969, but was blocked from doing so by Harold B. Lee[9]), and extensive business and family interrelationships among leaders.
 
 ...
 
 
 
 
 



Also, there was info about this in the PBS Documentary "The Mormons" about the atmosphere the church grew out of.  You might also enjoy that.  There is a lot of info at the website, plus you can watch the whole program online at:

http://www.pbs.org/mormons/
 
Hope that helps 
 
SG
 
Edited to shorten it and clean up the formatting, it looked like it came through as one big long block.  Hopefully this is better now.


   


Posted: 04 March 2014 08:23 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 3 ]   

   
 
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OK..so your post got me re-interested in this and so I have been reading around the PBS website.  I definitely recommend you check it out, especially this page here:
 
 
The World Into Which Mormonism Was Born
http://www.pbs.org/mormons/themes/birth.html
 
You can read the full interviews of four historians.
 
This may be more what you are looking for rather than lengthy books on the subject right now.
 
SG


   


            
 
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This is What Real Goodness Looks Like.  These Guys Put the Leaders of the Mormon Church to Shame.  
Posted: 27 February 2014 11:52 AM   [ Ignore ]   

   
 
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This story is for anyone who has ever been abused.  This story is for anyone who wants to make the world a better place.  
 
http://screen.yahoo.com/inspiration/bikers-change-lives-abused-children-234809991.html
 
 


   


Posted: 27 February 2014 04:46 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 1 ]   

   
 
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WOW... how uplifting :) 
When I fist began watching the video I was in chock... this woman was telling my story.... except my daughter and I were on our own. No bikers around :(
When my ex was abusing her and being charged my bishop counselled me to "put a lock on her door"... she would grow up and have her own life one day and "the temple marriage was too important"...and she must have tempted him.
I nearly lost her to suicide and as I was listening to the bishop spouting off about things he had no business counselling about I just thought... "when hell freezes over!" 
I sought advice in the temple and was asked: "..sooo... you chose your daughter?"
I guess THAT is when I left the church... rented a truck, gathered a few things and fled the province with my daughter.
 
We struggled for years. Healing gradually happened, but the church issues were still there  and the church kept finding me. Eventually I made them excommunicate me.. had no idea I could resign. I just wanted them to leave me alone!
 
This is many years ago now and today she is happily married and has two beautiful boys.  
It was not until a few months ago that I even began the journey of discovery about the chuch itself.
 
I find myself mostly housebound right now, waiting for a new knee... some time this year they tell me. (Then I will be bionic and 'just watch out world' LOL) This has giving me the time to read and listen to podcasts etc... how wonderful is that ? :)
I began with Christopher Hitchens, Sam Harris, The Thinking Atheist, and others.. and eventually I stumbled upon this site.
 
I carried guilt and fear for so many years. The things I have learned the last while have set me free. I discovered things I never even knew about the church and I am just amazed at what indoctrination had done to me.  I never knew the depth of it til now.
I used to think I had a personal relationship with my savior, and now I have a personal relationship with reality and I am so much better off. I am just so excited about the life ahead of me and the wonders of this world and universe I have yet to discover. 
 
What thes bikers are doing is powerful. What a wonderful program. I can not even imagine how their support feels to these kids and their families... fantastic work ! 
 
Thank to everyone here for the support :)   
 
 


   


Posted: 27 February 2014 07:44 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 2 ]   

   
 
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Priorvej12,
 
I am so glad you found your way here!  I can tell you are a really good person from your sharing.  Isn't it a breath of fresh air to be free?  Soon you will have that new knee and "Watch out World!" 
 
So sorry you and your daughter went through that pain.  In my opinion, bishops should never simply encourage forgiveness when an adult sexually abuses a young person.  It should always be reported to the authorities and the victim should always be taken out of that environment.  How can a parent act as if everything will ever be normal in any of the family member's realtionships with the abuser again?  You do not do that to a child.   Far too much of this type of abuse goes on in our society.  Perhaps we should have classes in school starting right before puberty that addresses the long-term damage that is done when a child or teenager is sexually abused.
 
One of my great woman OB/GYN doctors had the question on her intake form:  "Were you ever sexaully abused as a child or a teenager?"  When I asked why, she told me they found that people who had been sexually abused early in life suffered more illness later in life and especially auto-immune diseases.  Interesting.  The mind is a powerful thing.  I have heard abusers say that they often tell themselves that they are not really hurting their victim or that they hope the victim will actually come to like the abuse.   I realize some people are just mentally ill but I can't help but think we are dropping the ball somewhere along the way in education.
 
As far as religion goes, this is one part that I find especially appalling that mothers and fathers are many times willing to put their children in sexually abusive situations if they think that by doing so they are pleasing god.  You see this now in the FLDS sect.  You especially see this in plural marriage situations such as was practiced in the early days of the church.  I don't have the quote in front of me but I remember that when Helen Mar's mother, Vilate, was told that god wanted 14-year-old Helen to marry Joseph Smith, Vilate was sickened.  Helen recoutned that her mother had seen others go down into this sorrow--best I can remember.  However, Vilate finally agreed to allow this to happen to her daughter--to please god I am sure--and the PH holders who knew best.  
 
I won't go into my childhood abuse now, but I know too well how a mother can be manipulated into this kind of situation.  I very much believe that if the GAs suddenly had a revelation that teenage young women should marry mature men to please god, many TBM parents would sacrifice their daughters--to please god.  Many would leave the church first but many would allow this to happen.  History says that when a person is indoctrinated well enough--they will put anything on the alter--even their children.  Arza Evans in his book, The Keystone to Mormonism, tells of a mission president who told--I think it was seven--young sister missionaries that god wanted them to marry him in plural marriage.  He was an older man.  All the women except one came back and told him they received feelings from the HG that they should do this.  Only one blew the whistle.  Only one.  What does this tell us about how TBMs are willing to even put themselves into abusive situations to please god or church leaders.  Scary as Hell!
 
Look at that poor bishop in your past.  He should never have been willing to defend your ex-husband over your innocent daughter.  Priorvej12, I am so thankful you had the sense and love to protect your daughter and to leave.  I am not understanding, when you were in the temple, who asked, "And you chose your daughter?"
 
This is why after I left, I could not leave mormonism alone.  After the experiences I have gone through in my life, how can I turn and just walk away and leave my family in this?  How can I turn away as long as others are having their minds stolen by something that is so evil and so cunning that it can cause people to put everything on the alter--even their children???  How can there be anything in the world more dangerous than a force that can do this to a person's mind?
 
Thank God (And I mean the Universe ) that you and your daughter have great lives now!  Thank God you got away from the craziness and came into the light of love, common sense and respect and...PostMo! 
 
Yes, I loved that video!  I think I cried most of the way through it--that there are people this wonderful on the earth!  It is beautiful what these men are doing.  There is so much goodness in the world!  Funny how much goodness we find-- especially after we leave the church.  
 
We look forward to your getting that new knee and taking on the world!
 
 
 


   


Posted: 27 February 2014 08:15 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 3 ]   

   
 
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Stong free & Thankful ...quote: Priorvej12, I am so thankful you had the sense and love to protect your daughter and to leave. I am not understanding, when you were in the temple, who asked, "And you chose your daughter?"
I was speaking with a sister who had taught me the temple preparednes classes... and she looked so puzzled and asked me "...sooo ... you chose your daughter? (over your husband)" Makes me wonder what happened in HER life.
I spoke with the temple president after that and he gave me permission to have a temple divorce... charges had been laid and my ex was in court... funny thing though, my ex is till a good member and he is even the main suspect in an unsolved murder of a young girl a few years before I met him. So much stuff. Life is so much better now


   


Posted: 27 February 2014 09:02 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 4 ]   

   
 
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I had mixed emotions over the whole story.
 
I hope everyone caught it. It was a "step" parent who was the abuser.
Subsequent relationships, after the first one are more likely to have problems like this because by the time a gal has a marriage, has children, divorces and starts a new relationship, their daughters have grown to teenagers.
 
I'm not saying this is in anyway an excuse, however a natural father is not likely to abuse his children. After a childhood of changing diapers and the natural shared pheremones, men generally, are not interested sexually in their own daughters. 
 
When men gain stepdaughters from subsequent relationships who begin maturing physically, and particularly if the young girls are wandering around the house in nearly nothings, it causes step fathers to look on their step children as potential sexual partners.
 
I know this probably sounds like the article in the Ensign. There's no excuse for any man (or women, though less likely) misusing children. Period. That said, men are visual and a scantily clad young woman is hard not to notice. The younger the male, the more immature the male which is common these days, all increase the lack of restraint. 
 
The story is the very reason marriage is so important. Couples now adays divorce over almost nothing. That's not to say that there aren't reasons for divorce. No one, men or women, should have to live in fear with thier spouse or endure abuse.
 
Over 70% of divorces are initiated by women. My experience is that 9/10 couples get no marital education at all.
 
Sad commentary for our society. Abuse like that never goes away. Children ought to be able to trust their parents to keep them safe. 
 
 


   


Posted: 27 February 2014 09:44 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 5 ]   

   
 
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Life Rocks... In my case my first marriage failed after 8 years because of physical abuse. We did seek counselling and as a TBM I gave it all I could. My second husband became a step parent to my daughter and she did not "wander around the house in nearly nothing". Even if she had... are you saying that men are not able to stop themselves from abusing young girls? I strongly disagree with that view. According to the homicide detectives I spoke with regarding the unsolved murder there was no way I could have known his dark side. My daughter did not ask for his abuse and no one ever does. Men ARE in control of themselves if they want to be. It takes two to make a marriage work, but when criminal activity on the part of one partner is involved the equation changes. I hope I misunderstood your comment smile Forgive me if I did. 

   


Posted: 27 February 2014 10:18 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 6 ]   

   
 
Strong Free & Thankful
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Life Rocks:
I had mixed emotions over the whole story.
 
I hope everyone caught it. It was a "step" parent who was the abuser.
Subsequent relationships, after the first one are more likely to have problems like this because by the time a gal has a marriage, has children, divorces and starts a new relationship, their daughters have grown to teenagers.
 
I'm not saying this is in anyway an excuse, however a natural father is not likely to abuse his children. After a childhood of changing diapers and the natural shared pheremones, men generally, are not interested sexually in their own daughters. 
 
When men gain stepdaughters from subsequent relationships who begin maturing physically, and particularly if the young girls are wandering around the house in nearly nothings, it causes step fathers to look on their step children as potential sexual partners.
 
I know this probably sounds like the article in the Ensign. There's no excuse for any man (or women, though less likely) misusing children. Period. That said, men are visual and a scantily clad young woman is hard not to notice. The younger the male, the more immature the male which is common these days, all increase the lack of restraint. 
 
The story is the very reason marriage is so important. Couples now adays divorce over almost nothing. That's not to say that there aren't reasons for divorce. No one, men or women, should have to live in fear with thier spouse or endure abuse.
 
Over 70% of divorces are initiated by women. My experience is that 9/10 couples get no marital education at all.
 
Sad commentary for our society. Abuse like that never goes away. Children ought to be able to trust their parents to keep them safe. 
 
 
Life Rocks,
 
You are correct in your last sentence that children ought to be able to trust their parents to keep them safe.  Might I add that children also should be able to trust a step-parent to keep them safe.  Becoming a step-parent is a sacred obligation.  If a person cannot treat a step-child with the same respect he/she would treat their biological child with--they should divorce themselves from the situation.
 
No always means No--man or woman, married or not.  No person should ever violate another person's body.  A scantily clad teenager should never be raped.  No excuse.  Ever.  People who sexually abuse or rape other people should go to prison--especially if the person abused is a child or a teenager.  People who cannot keep from sexually abusing others have no business being free in society.  Period.  
 
You are correct that many people have no training for relationships or marriage.  Perhaps some of our school time should be used in this type of training as well as training on how damaging sexual abuse can be and how a person can lose their family and freedom by not understanding the danger.
 
Yes, children are generally safer with their real parents but not always and this is not always possible.  Staying in a bad marriage has been proven to be as damaging to a person's health as a bad diet.  Sorry if you have had some painful experiences.  
 


   


Posted: 27 February 2014 11:37 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 7 ]   

   
 
Life Rocks
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priorvej:
Life Rocks... In my case my first marriage failed after 8 years because of physical abuse. We did seek counselling and as a TBM I gave it all I could. My second husband became a step parent to my daughter and she did not "wander around the house in nearly nothing". Even if she had... are you saying that men are not able to stop themselves from abusing young girls? I strongly disagree with that view. According to the homicide detectives I spoke with regarding the unsolved murder there was no way I could have known his dark side. My daughter did not ask for his abuse and no one ever does. Men ARE in control of themselves if they want to be. It takes two to make a marriage work, but when criminal activity on the part of one partner is involved the equation changes. I hope I misunderstood your comment :) Forgive me if I did.
Don't you love the challenges of this process of communicating on a computer. You can't see the expression in my face or hear the inflections in my voice. Let's try again.
 
I'm not suggesting or advocating that people, men or women should ever abuse anyone for any reason.  
 
What I am saying, is that certain family cultures and with the culture of the Church, don't foster young men growing up to be men. This particularly true if the father is a weak man.
 
Real men don't abuse or misuse women or girls. 
Let me say it a different way.
Real men don't abuse or misuse women or girls or those who are weaker than they are. 
 
It would be nice to think that all men are in control of themselves all the time.
It would be nice to assume that all women are in control of themselves all of the time.
 
But that's not realistic.
 
Have you ever yelled at your kids?
Done anything you wished you hadn't done?
Lied about anything?
Taken something that wasn't yours?
 
Human beings don't always behave the way we think they should.
 
Add the stresses of life. Poor habits. Poor coping skills. etc etc. and people don't always do the things we think they should.
 
That said, you're arguing against nature. Men are hardwired to look at women. If young men are pushed into marriage before they mature it becomes pretty ridiculous to expect they'll behave the way you want them to...because they still think and act like boys. I assure you all men aren't like that. I didn't abuse or misuse any of my kids and given the family I grew up in, I was suppse to.
 
After my wife divorced me I read everything I could about marriage and divorce and took several workshops on marriage and relationships so this doesn't come from me but it makes sense to me.
 
I've read about the problems of subsequent marriages which fail at an even higher rate than first time marriages. The "experts" (whoever they are) say that the chances for sexual abuse in a second or subsequent relationships is higher because there is no past history with step daughters. Where a father would not consider making advances on his daughter, some men will see his new wife's teenage daughter could well catch his attention particularly if his wife doesn't take care of herself. 
 
I heard one woman say at a "Divorce Care" meeting that her second marriage was like 2 single parents being together. There was some initial excitement but she wasn't really interested in his kids and he wasn't interested in hers. Seems to me that the potential for creating a close family is highest with the person you had your children with. 
 
As for your first husband, for whatever reasons he was abusive to you or your daughter. that's awful. I'm not in any way condoning what he did.
 
I'd suggest however that you check out 2 marriage workshops. One is called "The Third Option" and the other a "Retrouvaille". Both of them are terrific! Also, there are several books to read. His Needs Her Needs by Willard Hartley, The Good Marriage by Judith WallerUstein and Sandra Blakeslee are both good. Richard and Linda Eyre talk about the "emotional bank account" which is a great thing to learn about. 
 
Usually in our first marriages, we're young and stupid. We have no experience or education on how to be married or what a good marriage partner would be. We get more education getting our driver's license. After the first one fails, then we wait a little while and find someone else thinking this will be better, still uneducated. It's worse being in the Church because rather than learn some skills on how to be married, we learn about dead prophets and made up bible and book of Mormon stories that have almost no relevance in living life. In fact, part of the reason so many in the Church divorce is because when the chips were low, someone thought praying or going to the temple would help.  
 
In Third Option, the idea is that if a husband and wife disagree, he thinks he's right, she thinks she's right...but somewhere in the middle, after real listening and discovering your spouses issues, you discover how we both add to the problems.
 
If he's a saver and she's a spender...
If he's a loner and she's a party girl...
If he avoids conflict and she wants to talk it out... 
If he doesn't like to dance and his wife lives to dance... 
If he wants regular sex and his wife is too tired all the time...
 
These can all be reversed of course....but you can see how problems could arise? 
 
I wouldn't assume that now that you're in a new relationship that this is going to succeed without becoming educated in how to be in a good relationship...both should learn how to listen...how to fight fair...what the deal breakers are.
 
There was a book written by David Blankenhorn, called Fatherless America. In the year 2000 he was saying then that 40% of the children go to bed in a home where their natural father doesn't live. I don't think you can have those kinds of statistics and have a healthy society. 
 
I feel bad when first time marriages don't work because it affects the kids in terrible way. Seems like we could have a healthier society if people learned how to be married. 
 
 


   


Posted: 28 February 2014 06:20 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 8 ]   

   
 
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I used to think I had a personal relationship with my savior, and now I have a personal relationship with reality and I am so much better off.    
 
 
 
 Absolutey profound!
 
For me one of the best things about getting out and away was the incredible reduction of guilt in my life.  
 
Congratulations on finding a way to be free. 
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Posted: 28 February 2014 06:31 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 9 ]   

   
 
NoMorKulAde
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I'm not saying this is in anyway an excuse, however a natural father is not likely to abuse his children. After a childhood of changing diapers and the natural shared pheremones, men generally, are not interested sexually in their own daughters. 
  
 
Sad commentary for our society. Abuse like that never goes away. Children ought to be able to trust their parents to keep them safe. 
 
 
 
Life Rocks:
 
Not sure where you are getting your info from but there are plenty of natural fathers who abuse their children emotionally, physically and sexually.  I've worked with hundreds of them.  In many ways, and I don't have emperical evidence to back this up, it seems worse due to the fact that the child not only has to deal with the abuse they suffered, but they also have to have to deal with it coming at the hands of the one person on earth who should have kept them safe and had their best interests in mind.
 
You are absolutely correct in your statement that, "Children ought to be ablet o trust their parents to keep them safe." 
 
 
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Posted: 28 February 2014 06:42 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 10 ]   

   
 
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Life Rocks... I really did misunderstand you , sorry. You make many valid points. You bet I have researched and studied and you are right about statistics regarding second marriages.. and thirds and so on. My point is that when a man (or woman)feel sexually attracted to a minor of same or opposite sex there is something drastically wrong.
There are many cases where it is the natual parent or other family member who commits these crimes.  
 
People who feel these kinds of attractions and act on them have serious problems that in many cases can not be 'cured'. It is always wrong to lay blame on the victim.
 
 


   


Posted: 28 February 2014 08:29 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 11 ]   

   
 
ff42
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http://www.bacausa.com/Internet/Merchandise2.php Donations or merchandise found here. 

   


Posted: 28 February 2014 04:20 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 12 ]   

   
 
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BACA (Bikers Against Child Abuse / http://bacaworld.org/) has been around for a number of years now... There are chapters all over the country and a few of their other vids have found their way into PostMormon.org.  I weep everytime I watch one.
 
This is not to say that this organization or its members are hostile or aggressive!!  They do NOT "hunt down" perpetrators and "dole out 'justice'!"  No way!  But they are a barrier between the perp and victim!  These men and women roll when they need to!  All hours of the day or night, no matter what.  What this video doesn't show is how the BACA team will pass around a blanket or a teddy bear to each other and hug them and then give it to the child saying, "We just filled this bear/blanket with love and hugs... When it's empty, you call us and we'll come back and fill it up again."
 
And YES, they will take a bullet to protect a child.
 
We should all be so lucky. 
 
The Fine Print:  Search "BACA" in YouTube... Be sure to have Kleenex® at the ready!
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Posted: 01 March 2014 01:09 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 13 ]   

   
 
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how is this my life
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Life Rocks:


I'm not suggesting or advocating that people, men or women should ever abuse anyone for any reason.  
 


 
It would be nice to think that all men are in control of themselves all the time.
It would be nice to assume that all women are in control of themselves all of the time.
 
But that's not realistic.
 
Have you ever yelled at your kids?
Done anything you wished you hadn't done?
Lied about anything?
Taken something that wasn't yours?
 
Human beings don't always behave the way we think they should.
 
Add the stresses of life. Poor habits. Poor coping skills. etc etc. and people don't always do the things we think they should.
 
That said, you're arguing against nature. Men are hardwired to look at women. If young men are pushed into marriage before they mature it becomes pretty ridiculous to expect they'll behave the way you want them to...because they still think and act like boys. I assure you all men aren't like that. I didn't abuse or misuse any of my kids and given the family I grew up in, I was suppse to.
 
 
 
I've read about the problems of subsequent marriages which fail at an even higher rate than first time marriages. The "experts" (whoever they are) say that the chances for sexual abuse in a second or subsequent relationships is higher because there is no past history with step daughters. Where a father would not consider making advances on his daughter, some men will see his new wife's teenage daughter could well catch his attention particularly if his wife doesn't take care of herself. 
 
 


 
You make some interesting points.  I'm in divorce mediation.  My husband went to jail recently.  He made some really bad choices.  He did not handle things the way he should have.  He acted out sexually instead.  He had untreated depression and a pornography addiction that put him in a downward spiral.  It remained a secret.  It escellated.  After hiding a regular porn addiction for years and years and becoming more and more depressed, he began downloading images of teens.  Mostly nudes.  He wasn't interested in seeing sex acts or rape.  Just nudes and stripping.  (no this is not what I'm telling myself.  Believe it or not there is a great deal of evidence to support this.)  His actions were inexcusable.  They definitely contributed to the victimization of minors.  That said, he has never approached or "groomed" any child, including our own.  His sexual evaluation and plethysmograph results both indicate that he has no sexual interest in children. (Given this and the therapy, his sentence via plea agreement was relatively light.)
 
I have given up on trying to save our family largely because the courts and the system simply won't allow it.  I understand and agree that he needs to account for his crimes.  But I simply cannot wait years and years to be allowed to attempt to return to something slightly resembling what we once had in terms of stability and financial security.  However capable I personally think he is of turning things around.  The system won't allow it.  They're concerned about my kids.  Or at least they're concerned about other people's kids.  This last year has felt like 5.  I can't do 5 more years of this.  
 
I DO worry about my daughter.  Very much.  I worry about her future.  I worry about all these risk groups she is now going to be part of.  Make no mistake: I do not worry about her biological father harming her (anymore than he already has through his actions).  He has been in therapy for his pornography addiction for a year.  If he got out of jail tomorrow and the PO allowed it, I'd send her over for a weekend unsupervised and I wouldn't lose a wink of sleep.  I believe he has learned the error of his ways and will not reoffend.  The idea of bringing a boyfriend of mine or a step father into her life gives me serious pause.  Does this mean I should be single for the next decade, possibly longer?  Do my fears mean that I don't deserve a chance at companionship and happiness?  I do not know, Life Rocks.  I do not know.  I am seeing somebody currently.  He hasn't met my kids.  I don't worry about him personally.  He has daughters.  He's a great dad.  I just worry in general. 
 
In the name of justice and protecting children, my daughter has been placed into several risk groups she didn't previously belong in.  That's just a fact.  Collateral damage.
 
Anyone out there:  Cyber scream at me.  Tell me you wouldn't want me around your children because I "minimize".  Tell me I should just accept that I'm collateral damage and not fight it.  Go for it.  I've heard it.  I'm growing calloused to it.  But it's the truth.  I worry about my daughter.  I feel she would be safer if I could turn back time and create some sort of situation where she could live in peace with her father.  I don't think personally that I would benefit much from this situation.  I would rather try to start over.  But I think my kids would be better off with their dad.  For all his crimes and bad choices, I think they would be better off with him. 
 
I just don't know what the solution is.  
 
I hate this phrase.  I don't know what this means but sometimes I think it puts responsibility on a woman to fight aging 5 X as hard as a man is expected to fight aging and I don't like it.   We get older.  We put on weight.  We have to fight our own metabolisms harder than men do.  Perhaps it's a bitter pill I must swallow but I don't like it. 


   


Posted: 01 March 2014 07:11 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 14 ]   

   
 
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Kori
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Another example of real goodness, REALLY changing the world. 
A Young Woman Who Decided to Change The World at 14 and has Been Doing Just That Ever Since
Engaging in educating girls, which is the polar opposite of what religion would have her do.  
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Posted: 01 March 2014 08:44 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 15 ]   

   
 
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Life Rocks
I feel bad when first time marriages don't work because it affects the kids in terrible way. Seems like we could have a healthier society if people learned how to be married. 
 
I agree with this Life Rocks.  As I said in my original post, I think we badly need training as children/teenagers on healthy relationships and sexual behavior--what is appropriate and what will damage others as well as ourselves.  I understand that in the Norwegian countries, masterbation is taught as a healthy norm.  So much better than molesting another person.  We definitely need marriage skills and many times do not get these at home.  If we get them through religion, they are usually biased and self-serving to the religion.
 
how is this my life,
I worry about my daughter.  I feel she would be safer if I could turn back time and create some sort of situation where she could live in peace with her father.  I don't think personally that I would benefit much from this situation.  I would rather try to start over.  But I think my kids would be better off with their dad.  For all his crimes and bad choices, I think they would be better off with him. 
 
As was pointed out previously, by a professional--I believe--There are plenty of natural fathers who abuse their daughters.  I think the number is probably lower than for step-fathers but this should not happen in either case.  Perhaps as women, we should make sure we receive a good education before having children so we can support a family alone if we need to until our children are grown or unless we meet a man whom we entirely trust.  Educating our children to talk to us if there is a problem IS A MUST!
 
And no--because we no longer look like teenagers is no excuse for a partner cheating or abusing our young.  If a mate cannot still love us because of how we look--perhaps they should leave.  Love should be deeper than that.  On the other hand--humans were never meant to put refined sugar, grains, bad fats, preservatives, junk, Msg, etc into our bodies.  If we are eating like this--we have no excuse.  I realize there are many health conditions that cause weight gain and changes but I see people's carts in stores and wonder why they do not respect and love themselves more than that.   
 
Proorvej12
I used to think I had a personal relationship with my savior, and now I have a personal relationship with reality and I am so much better off.
 
I agree with NoMorKulAde!  This is Beautiful and Profound!  So happy you found your way to freedom! 
 
GraciesDaddy,
 Thank You for that beautiful post!  It is a wonderful thing to find heroes that are so amazing that they cause us to weep!  What a touching thing the bikers do to fill a blanket or toy with love and give it to an abused child! Wow!!!  This kind of goodness struck me when I watched the video of how different these people are compared to the GA's whom my own family idolize and all the GA's do is take from them.  They talk a lot about goodness but they let the members do the good deeds and then they take the credit.  Thank you so much for sharing this!
 
ff42,
Thank you for the link--A worthy cause for sure!
 
Kori,
Beautiful!  An incredible young woman!  How would it be if young women could hear stories like this and know they have the power to change the world rather than be taught to give their energy and minds to a fraud.   Hopefully, that time is coming!
 


   


Posted: 01 March 2014 09:23 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 16 ]   

   
 
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priorvej12
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What these bikers are doing is awesome and I hope they inspire more programs out there.
 
There are so many misconceptions about these issues still, and it is all too easy to blame the victims.
 
EDUCATION.... My daughter DID have education... both at school , at home and through a program at our local library. I was always open with her about things as I was raising her by myself. (I was a teacher) Even so, she stayed quiet when it was happening to her. I began to see clues ... grades dropping etc, but she said nothing. When asked why she did not tell someone she said : "Mom, you were happy and I did not want to ruin that" ...so, you just never know.
Also, my ex had threatened her to stay quiet.
 
BLAMING THE MOTHERS LOOKS. ... This is so wrong. (and untrue in at least my case I have been told)  Why do people think like this?
My ex is a pedophile. It came to light that he had molested at least two other little girls and he is still the main person of interest in an unsolved murder... a young girl... a few years before I met him.
 
How could I not have seen clues earlier? According to counsellors and police some criminals are simply THAT good at hiding behind another persona... the one of loving husband and TBM.  
 
I agree that more education is needed, but it is the public who needs to be educated so the stigma will go away.
 
..and now I will shut up LOL  
 
 


   


Posted: 01 March 2014 10:45 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 17 ]   

   
 
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how is this my life
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Strong Free & Thankful:

 
how is this my life,
I worry about my daughter.  I feel she would be safer if I could turn back time and create some sort of situation where she could live in peace with her father.  I don't think personally that I would benefit much from this situation.  I would rather try to start over.  But I think my kids would be better off with their dad.  For all his crimes and bad choices, I think they would be better off with him. 
 
As was pointed out previously, by a professional--I believe--There are plenty of natural fathers who abuse their daughters.  I think the number is probably lower than for step-fathers but this should not happen in either case.  Perhaps as women, we should make sure we receive a good education before having children so we can support a family alone if we need to until our children are grown or unless we meet a man whom we entirely trust.  Educating our children to talk to us if there is a problem IS A MUST!
 
And no--because we no longer look like teenagers is no excuse for a partner cheating or abusing our young.  If a mate cannot still love us because of how we look--perhaps they should leave.  Love should be deeper than that.  On the other hand--humans were never meant to put refined sugar, grains, bad fats, preservatives, junk, Msg, etc into our bodies.  If we are eating like this--we have no excuse.  I realize there are many health conditions that cause weight gain and changes but I see people's carts in stores and wonder why they do not respect and love themselves more than that.   


 
 
 There are natural fathers who abuse daughters.  This is something I will never understand.  I think most step fathers would not abuse a step daughter.  But I'm just saying that I have more fear about that happening than I do about my daugther being harmed by her biological father.  
 
We should make sure we receive a good education.  But when I met my husband, I was so sure that he was the last man who would ever hurt me or put me in danger.  I knew of women who had been jaded.  I just really thought I was making such a good choice it wouldn't be an issue.  
 
I suppose that neither women NOR MEN have any "excuse" to put refined sugars and grains and whatnot into their bodies, other than the fact that most of the food around us is made of these things.  I still think there is a huge double standard out there.   Most women, with age, are just going to have to try harder and harder not to gain weight.  Most women, even the ones who work like hell at it, are going to be able to compete with teenagers. 


   


Posted: 02 March 2014 08:54 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 18 ]   

   
 
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how is this my life:
Strong Free & Thankful:

 
how is this my life,
I worry about my daughter.  I feel she would be safer if I could turn back time and create some sort of situation where she could live in peace with her father.  I don't think personally that I would benefit much from this situation.  I would rather try to start over.  But I think my kids would be better off with their dad.  For all his crimes and bad choices, I think they would be better off with him. 
 
As was pointed out previously, by a professional--I believe--There are plenty of natural fathers who abuse their daughters.  I think the number is probably lower than for step-fathers but this should not happen in either case.  Perhaps as women, we should make sure we receive a good education before having children so we can support a family alone if we need to until our children are grown or unless we meet a man whom we entirely trust.  Educating our children to talk to us if there is a problem IS A MUST!
 
And no--because we no longer look like teenagers is no excuse for a partner cheating or abusing our young.  If a mate cannot still love us because of how we look--perhaps they should leave.  Love should be deeper than that.  On the other hand--humans were never meant to put refined sugar, grains, bad fats, preservatives, junk, Msg, etc into our bodies.  If we are eating like this--we have no excuse.  I realize there are many health conditions that cause weight gain and changes but I see people's carts in stores and wonder why they do not respect and love themselves more than that.   


 
 
 There are natural fathers who abuse daughters.  This is something I will never understand.  I think most step fathers would not abuse a step daughter.  But I'm just saying that I have more fear about that happening than I do about my daugther being harmed by her biological father.  
 
We should make sure we receive a good education.  But when I met my husband, I was so sure that he was the last man who would ever hurt me or put me in danger.  I knew of women who had been jaded.  I just really thought I was making such a good choice it wouldn't be an issue.  
 
I suppose that neither women NOR MEN have any "excuse" to put refined sugars and grains and whatnot into their bodies, other than the fact that most of the food around us is made of these things.  I still think there is a huge double standard out there.   Most women, with age, are just going to have to try harder and harder not to gain weight.  Most women, even the ones who work like hell at it, are going to be able to compete with teenagers. 
 how is this my life,
 
Of course you thought you would never have to worry about this man being anything but wonderful--we all think that--men and women.  Why shouldn't we?  Don't we have that right to have our dreams come true and have someone wonderful?  I think we do.  I am sure you have read many of the post on here that are just heart-warming when people speak of how much they love their mates and maybe other than LDS, Inc jacking with their minds--they are happy with them.  So...It does happen.  You had the right to think that.  Sorry yours was not one of them but you still have that opportunity.  I think we need to know someone well.  Many times in LDS land we marry too soon.  Cannot put ourselves at risk of ending up in sin.
 
No, neither can I understand how a father or a step-father could ever sexually abuse a child/teenager.  I wonder if it is because they don't love themselves enough--the abuser.  It is not just men--look at all the women teachers who are having sex with their students.  But if a man or woman loves and respects themselves--I am thinking the possiblity is far, far more remote.  I just think loving and respecting oneself is the best protection of all.  To a degree, you have to be your own best hero.  If a person's self-esteem is tied into their integrity and they like being a good person who works on the building crew of life instead of the demolition and sneaky crew--things are likely to go much better.  I think the person's character is the bottom line.  What makes them tick.  What makes them happy.  Then perhaps the best protection is really, really good communication with our children telling them what can happen and to talk to you if they feel uncomfortable at the slightest.  And to never ignore any of their concerns.  I do believe there are plenty of men we can trust.  We go into cog dis in relationships as well.
 
And no--never any excuse to abuse the young because your spouse is out of shape.  Never.  Just saying that we are a sick nation.  Our eating habits do not show up usaually until we have a few years on us but they are showing up in our 30's and past.  Saw that over 1/2 of the food in WalMart has ingredients that are so questionable they are not allowed in food sold at Whole Foods.  One brand of bread had 12 ingredients that are known or suspected to be dangerous to the human body.  This week there was the article about an ingredient used to manufacture yoga mats being used in a number of very popular bread, chips, etc. 
 
Life is fast but we have to find a way to eat real foods as they come from nature or clean processed foods.  We cannot trust many of the foods on sale any more than we can trust LDS, Inc.  They don't care about us and they are lying to us.  If we eat the "normal American amount" of sugar, white flour, rice, bad fats, additives--we are going to be sick, not look good and maybe we are going to die young.  If we at least drink half our weight in water--between meals--good water with minerals and eat our 7--10 fruits and vegetables a day and lean protien and only low fat diary and nuts and beans and grain--gluten free perhaps--If we do all of this--well good luck having any room left for the bad stuff.  And good luck being overweight--especially if we nuture our good gut flora.  Other than a health issue that causes weight gain--a person will be slim whether they like it or not.  And real food will solve many health issues--even incurable ones.  The body can only hold so much food.  Add a little exercise and a positive attitude and pretty much all of us can look good.  Please forgive me for the health rant--but I know this to be true.  But...No, not looking like a teenager does not give anyone the right to molest the young.
 
I believe there are plenty of men you can trust.  I believe there are many, many men on this site who will tell you there is no way in hell they would molest a teenager.  They honor, respect and love themselves and others too much.  You can find that man.  You can figure it out.  I am sure.  
 
Yes, there is a huge double standard but what do you do?  I don't know though, some of the guys in WalMart in those huge gray sweat pants don't look that much different to me than the women in there in the huge gray sweat pants.  We all have choices.  Maybe WalMart food is more important to them than other things.
 
  Edited to Add:  While I am on this health rant--I might as well finish.  Another habit we have that is causing weight gain is artificial fragrances that are violate (we ingest them by breathing them in) and they are in many, many things we use.  One of the worst offenders is dryer sheets.  The FDA looks the other way.  Some believe they are as cancer-causing as second hand tobacco.  The chemical fragrances in these scents disrupt the thyroid, depleting thyroid hormones and they deplete testosterone.  Both of these disruptions cause weight gain.  While I think diet is the main culprit in weight gain, we need our thyroid hormones and even as women, we need our testosterone.  Many of us are also low on iodine, which is an easy fix by adding kelp supplements or seaweed to our diets.
 
We can make our own by adding a drop of essential oil to a wash cloth and putting that in our dryer.  
 
Besides lowering our thyroid hormones and our testosterone, here are some of the dangers of dryer sheets according to the EPA:
 
According to the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) and industry-generated Material Safety Data Sheets (MSDS) from the 1990s, the following is a list of chemicals in fabric softener products, most in untested combinations. Liquid fabric softeners additionally may contain formaldehyde.
Benzyl acetate: Linked to pancreatic cancer.
Benzyl Alcohol: Upper respiratory tract irritant.
Ethanol: On the EPA's Hazardous Waste list and can cause central nervous system disorders.
Limonene: Known carcinogen.
A-Terpineol: Can cause respiratory problems, including fatal edema, and central nervous system damage.
Ethyl Acetate: A narcotic on the EPA's Hazardous Waste list.
Camphor: Causes central nervous system disorders.
Chloroform: Neurotoxic, anesthetic and carcinogenic.
Linalool: A narcotic that causes central nervous system disorders.
Pentane: A chemical known to be harmful if inhaled.
To hide the chemical smell, companies load dryer sheets full of chemical fragrances, which are potentially carcinogenic.
Dryer sheets are designed to stay on clothing for a long period of time and slowly release their chemicals throughout the day, which leads to prolonged exposure to toxic chemicals.
The toxins in dryer sheets and their chemical fragrances enter the body both through inhalation or are absorbed through the skin.
Some of the symptoms experienced from prolonged exposure to the chemicals in dryer sheets include headaches, nausea, vomiting , dizziness, central nervous system disorders, blood pressure reduction, fatigue, difficulty breathing, skin irritation, difficulty concentrating and remembering, cancer, irritation to skin, mucus membranes and respiratory tract, and liver damage.
 
 
 
 
 
 


   


Posted: 02 March 2014 10:06 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 19 ]   

   
 
Strong Free & Thankful
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how is this my life,
 
Did not wish to add another edit to my last long post but wanted to say that your daughter is very, very lucky to have you for a mother.  She is very lucky that you love her so much and are doing everything in your power to keep her safe and making sure she does not have to carry the burden of having been abused.  Good for you!  You are a strong, wise and loving woman and mother that we should all be.


   


Posted: 02 March 2014 11:09 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 20 ]   

   
 
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Jeff Ricks
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Kori:
Another example of real goodness, REALLY changing the world. 
A Young Woman Who Decided to Change The World at 14 and has Been Doing Just That Ever Since
Engaging in educating girls, which is the polar opposite of what religion would have her do.  
 
Thanks for sharing that, Kori.  One small thing she said impacted me most. She said, "The truth is there are no super heroes. There is just us. We are the ones we have been waiting for." 
 
 
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When man has so far corrupted and prostituted the chastity of his mind, as to subscribe his professional belief to things he does not believe, he has prepared himself for the commission of every other crime.—Thomas Paine


   


Posted: 02 March 2014 03:00 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 21 ]   

   
 
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Kori
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Jeff Ricks:
Kori:
Another example of real goodness, REALLY changing the world. 
A Young Woman Who Decided to Change The World at 14 and has Been Doing Just That Ever Since
Engaging in educating girls, which is the polar opposite of what religion would have her do.  
Thanks for sharing that, Kori.  One small thing she said impacted me most. She said, "The truth is there are no super heroes. There is just us. We are the ones we have been waiting for." 
Women like her, empowering girls, like Malala, are my greatest heroes.
I get really inspired and emotional seeing what one committed, intelligent, wise person can accomplish. Human beings like her, Malala and my own daughter and chldren give me a lot of hope for the future of humanity.
When everywhere else we look around the world we see mainly despair, evil, inhumanity, they see opportunities to teach, to inspire and befriend.

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“Lying is the sin that paves the way for every other sin.” Sam Harris


   


Posted: 02 March 2014 06:47 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 22 ]   

   
 
Strong Free & Thankful
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Jeff Ricks:
Kori:
Another example of real goodness, REALLY changing the world. 
A Young Woman Who Decided to Change The World at 14 and has Been Doing Just That Ever Since
Engaging in educating girls, which is the polar opposite of what religion would have her do.  
 
Thanks for sharing that, Kori.  One small thing she said impacted me most. She said, "The truth is there are no super heroes. There is just us. We are the ones we have been waiting for." 
 
 
 
 This is a very good point.  We really do have to be the ones we have been waiting for.   Most of us no longer believe there is a prophet who speaks for god leading the way.  Most of us no longer believe Jesus is coming back to save us or our planet.  We are the ones who have to step up to the plate and save humanity and our beautiful planet.  The more people who understand this--the better our chances are of saving ourselves and our world.  


   


Posted: 02 March 2014 08:54 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 23 ]   

   
 
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how is this my life
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Strong Free & Thankful:

 how is this my life,


 
Yes, there is a huge double standard but what do you do?  I don't know though, some of the guys in WalMart in those huge gray sweat pants don't look that much different to me than the women in there in the huge gray sweat pants.  We all have choices.  Maybe WalMart food is more important to them than other things.
 
 


 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 I don't know what everybody else does; I call bullshit on it when I see it. 
 
I went to the movies the other night and saw one that is being nominated for several Oscars and witnessed, once again, how the casting was done.  Two actors playing a married couple.  The female, probably a size 2.  The male carried at least 50 extra lbs.  There's nothing particularly wrong with this other than the fact that you would NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS see the opposite scenario.  The only time overweight women are cast in flims is if the fact that they are overweight is part of the story line.  
 
I'm sick of it.  I'm sick of euphamisms like "takes care of herself" being used as a substitute for what people are thinking but too afraid to say:  Please be thin.  You are of no value if you are not. 
 
I understand that some people have chosen to go grain free, sugar free, dairy free, blah blah blah blah blah free.  And they can list off something in everything that will cause you to get cancer and die.  I guess it's good to have a hobby or that much free time, but please know that it can be very easy to cross the line from being informed to being judgmental. 
 
Maybe I will go on Paleo when I am done finding a full time job, figuring out Obamacare (which is what my mom calls it every time she calls to ask if I'm on it though she voted against it), and  figuring out how to raise two kids, one with a special need, while doing all of that.  If, in the interim, my daughter gets molested by a guy I date because I eat grain and dairy, well mea culpa.   (Sorry for the rant)


   


Posted: 02 March 2014 08:56 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 24 ]   

   
 
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how is this my life
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Strong Free & Thankful:
how is this my life,
 
Did not wish to add another edit to my last long post but wanted to say that your daughter is very, very lucky to have you for a mother.  She is very lucky that you love her so much and are doing everything in your power to keep her safe and making sure she does not have to carry the burden of having been abused.  Good for you!  You are a strong, wise and loving woman and mother that we should all be.
 
 Thank you for that.  I appreciate it.  :)


   


Posted: 03 March 2014 07:24 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 25 ]   

   
 
Strong Free & Thankful
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how is this my life:
Strong Free & Thankful:

 how is this my life,


 
Yes, there is a huge double standard but what do you do?  I don't know though, some of the guys in WalMart in those huge gray sweat pants don't look that much different to me than the women in there in the huge gray sweat pants.  We all have choices.  Maybe WalMart food is more important to them than other things.
 
 


 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 I don't know what everybody else does; I call bullshit on it when I see it. 
 
I went to the movies the other night and saw one that is being nominated for several Oscars and witnessed, once again, how the casting was done.  Two actors playing a married couple.  The female, probably a size 2.  The male carried at least 50 extra lbs.  There's nothing particularly wrong with this other than the fact that you would NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS see the opposite scenario.  The only time overweight women are cast in flims is if the fact that they are overweight is part of the story line.  
 
I'm sick of it.  I'm sick of euphamisms like "takes care of herself" being used as a substitute for what people are thinking but too afraid to say:  Please be thin.  You are of no value if you are not. 
 
I understand that some people have chosen to go grain free, sugar free, dairy free, blah blah blah blah blah free.  And they can list off something in everything that will cause you to get cancer and die.  I guess it's good to have a hobby or that much free time, but please know that it can be very easy to cross the line from being informed to being judgmental. 
 
Maybe I will go on Paleo when I am done finding a full time job, figuring out Obamacare (which is what my mom calls it every time she calls to ask if I'm on it though she voted against it), and  figuring out how to raise two kids, one with a special need, while doing all of that.  If, in the interim, my daughter gets molested by a guy I date because I eat grain and dairy, well mea culpa.   (Sorry for the rant)
how is this my life,
 
Please forgive me if I came across as judgmental in the diet rant.  I worry about that but at the same time, I worry about good people who--more importantly than the way we look--are dying.  I almost died due to health issues but ended up on the right doctor's doorstep and he gave me the education I needed to live.  I feel as if I was given this really great piece of bread and I want to share becase there is plenty of it.  I am this excited person who was given a second chance.
 
In so many ways, it is not out our fault.  We have been taught that we can trust our taste buds, but science used badly, has found a way to trick us and make food that is not good for us taste better than food that is good for us.  MSG, in its many names in order to hide it,  makes bad food addictive.
 
  Then we trust the FDA to keep our food safe and they are overwhelmed and it seems that experts can always be found who are willing to testify that some chemical is safe--even if it is not.  PLease know that I only wished to help in some way and never meant to offend.  I know life is busy.  I have a hard time finding the time to prepare food the way I want to.  I do eat healthy but would like to be able to perpare more complicated recipes more of the time.
 
  When I was an older teenager, I used to watch/exercise with Jack Lalane.  He had an exercise/health program on TV.  He said that every man and woman could mostly look like a Miss America or Mr America by eating healthy and exercising.  He was also into positive attitude and had a dog named, "Happy."  He proved what he said by still being very handsome and buff in his eighties.  He lived to be in his mid-nineties.
 
I have a friend who has a son who just had a stroke.  He is 32.  It is about so much more than the way we look.  We have to get a handle on what we are eating if we want to live.  And--No one should ever have to worry about their child being molested because of their dress size.  That is horrible!  If that is a real possiblity--we should not even want to re-marry.  Is this real?  Does anyone have statistics on this?
 
I see quite a few men who are not overweight holding hands with women who are overweight.  But you are correct, the standard the media has set needs to change.  There are some incredible women out there who carry a few extra pounds as well as men.
 
It is very funny how a lot of people who send demeaning jokes about Obama and Obamacare all of a sudden are suggesting it for family and friends who have no insurance.
 
  Good luck on finding that job you want and that man you want--if you want one.  I hope everything in your life falls into place even better than you have dreamed.  I really do believe feeling love, gratitude and positive feelings attract more good things and I can tell you love your daughter a lot!  That is a very good start! 
 
 


   


            
 
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