Dear Readers,
My husband was watching "Steve Wilkos" and I saw a preview of an episode on women who raised children with a gay man. It featured one black woman who said everyone she knows suspected her husband was gay, especially because he wore some yellow pants-type of outfit. Well, just because a man wears "feminine" clothing, that doesn't necessarily mean he is gay. She also found an audio clip of her husband having sex with one of his male friends. Another man insisted that he is "straight" despite practically admitting on his phone that he is gay and the preview then told that man to come out, basically to tell the truth. Now, I will say this-- I really see mixed-orientation "marriages" and "relationships" as destructive. It largely hurts both the heterosexual and homosexual person as well as any children they may have together. Have you ever seen Ang Lee's acclaimed 2005 blockbuster film "BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN" with Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal? It seems that black men on the down-low have seriously issues to me. The homophobia and transphobia of the black community really ticks me off and I'm a black heterosexual woman myself. I'm also mad about the misogyny shown towards women and the prejudices surrounding interracial relationships that still exist in communities of color. Much of the prejudice towards LGBT people in the black community is due to organized religion and stereotypical notions of masculinity. What does Steve Wilkos think when it comes to black gay men hiding their sexuality? I don't think Steve is homophobic, but I don't know how well he understands LGBT issues.
Black gay men in mixed-orientation marriages have to worry about loosing their relationship with their children, if they have one and are scared of facing rejection from their loved ones just like white gay men or other gay men of color, or lesbian or bisexual persons. Heterosexuals don't have to face rejection for who they love and for how they choose to express their sexuality in private. I am a heterosexual married woman and I can appreciate how lucky I am to not have to go through that. I hope that more LGBT people will find the courage to leave mixed-orientation marriages and relationships and still be able to maintain a relationship with their children,if they have kids and have a close relationship with their kids. How would it be fair to lie to your child about what gender you are really in love with.? How is fair to be in a relationship with someone is not in love with you, never can be in love with you and never will be in love with you? If my husband were gay, I'd want him to tell me. I'd be more mad about the fact that he lied to me about his sexuality. If I found myself in that situation, I'd end the relationship if that were the case because I would want to be with a man who is heterosexual and I'd want him to go out and find himself a boyfriend or husband. If we had kids, I certainly let him maintain his status as a father to the kids. My husband and I never had children, but if we did and he was a closeted gay man, I would want him to go his own way, I would later explain to the kids at a certain age that their dad was gay and why he probably tried to hide his true sexuality.
A gay man can never love a heterosexual woman in the way that she would want him to. A lesbian can never love a heterosexual man in the way that he wants her to. A gay person can love a heterosexual person as a person, but their not "in love" with them. A straight woman can love a lesbian woman as a person, but not as a spouse or a lover. A straight man could love a gay man as a person, but he could never be "in love" with him, the feelings just don't exist in such a scenario. Let's say for instance, just because a straight guy has sex with a gay man just out of curiosity or for fun, that doesn't make the straight guy a homosexual. The sex may be feel great, but at the same time, the sex isn't going to be as incredible for the straight guy as it would be if he were with screwing a woman. He can love the gay guy as a person, he may think that the gay guy is very good at making love but at the end of the day, the straight guy would rather have the companionship of a woman and would rather being having a sexual relationship with a woman. He isn't in love with the gay guy, it just isn't possible.
Again, in this world, especially in America it is very disturbing that we have such a deep hatred and fear of romance and sexual lovemaking, especially of that between persons of the same-sex. Humans, including Americans, we love to have sex, but we cannot have productive conversations about sexuality, how nuts is that? We have a lot of growing up to do. Think about it.
Sincerely,
B.W.
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