Thursday, January 22, 2015

Story of an ex-JW whose molested brother committed suicide and my response to some of his views

offlineAllTimeJeff
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 Jan 5 09 9:51 PM
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I am thinking of this for my latest blog, but its good to share it with you all.



 I imagine that those who have never been Jehovah's Witnesses and just hear about them or perhaps "know" a couple must wonder, "Why all the fuss?"
 Since we have moved into the internet age, everyone is an expert. Those who have left the Jehovah's Witness (JW) religion often write of their experiences, such as yours truly. Hey, as long as you have a computer and the internet, you can publish whatever you want. (It's like the National Enquirer is competing against it's own readers!) Thus, you can count on former JW's to appear on all kinds of internet forums, whether its on beliefnet.com, or the local newspaper website in your community when they do an article on a JW Convention, the building of a new place of worship, or the unfortunate death of a member do to their controversial understanding of blood transfusions and blood medicine.
 It's little wonder then that rumors and story's about Jehovah's Witnesses abound. Occasionally, some are true! Keep in mind though, between all the rhetoric, and all of the nonsense, we are talking about actual people.
 To some, JW's are a small, minority, fringe group. They also happen to be very dynamic and affect many lives.
 The average amount of Jehovah's Witnesses throughout this decade have been averaging between 5 and 6 million. Yet, by their own figures in their annual Yearbook, they average between 200,000-300,000 baptized new ones each year! What happens when we do the math for just this decade so far?
 At an average of 250,000 baptized each year over 8 years, you come out with over 2,000,000 (yes thats million) baptized and counted as new members in this decade alone. Here are the numbers
 2000 Yearbook of Jehovah's Witnesses 323,439
 2001 Yearbook of Jehovah's Witnesses 288,907
 2002 Yearbook of Jehovah's Witnesses 263,431
 2003 Yearbook of Jehovah's Witnesses 265,469
 2004 Yearbook of Jehovah's Witnesses 258,845
 2005 Yearbook of Jehovah's Witnesses 262,416
 2006 Yearbook of Jehovah's Witnesses 247,631
 2007 Yearbook of Jehovah's Witnesses 248,327
 GRAND TOTAL 2,158,465
 The average amount of Jehovah's Witnesses in the 2007 Yearbook was 6,491,775. In the 2000 Yearbook, the average number of Jehovah's Witnesses was 5,653,987. That means the average total amount of JW's grew by 837,788. More math you say? Ok.
 2,158,465 baptized this period - the actual average growth of 837,788 = 1,320,677 actual people who somehow aren't with the group anymore.
 Over 1.3 million people who are no longer active JW's in this decade so far!
 Some have chosen to sit on the sideline. Others are kicked to the curb. When I was at Gilead, John Barr, a member of the Governing Body of Jehovah's Witnesses told my missionary class that Jehovah's Witnesses disfellowship (excommunicate) close to 80,000 of its own members a year. (that number has been steadily rising for 30 years) That puts the number of baptized in more perspective. Roughly,1 out of every 3 new JW will be disfellowshipped. The rest slow down, stop, or just move on.
 But these are numbers. Keep in mind that these numbers are people! Many who leave this group are no longer allowed to talk to their friends and even family members anymore because they have been kicked out. Lives and families have literally been ruined by the bucketful. Children are censured from their parents. Parents frequently have to make the horrible decision of loyalty to this group by shunning their own children or loyalty to their own children
. No religion that claims to follow in the footsteps of Jesus, who we read in the bible talked to all, including tax collectors and fornicators, can defend such a control mechanism.



Any religion that demonizes unmarried adults for having consensual sex with each other also is engaging in a method of trying to control the behavior of other people that isn't affecting and doesn't hurt them at all.  Jesus probably wasn't married, so how much of an expert could he have been about sexual issues? Would you go to a celibate Roman Catholic priest who cannot date, marry or have sex for marriage counseling?


Because the Governing Body of Jehovah's Witnesses tolerates no additional questions from a baptized member concerning their faith once they actually get baptized, they are stuck, an irrevocable lifelong membership, whether they like it or not. The ability of the leadership to kick out anyone who disagrees or transgresses to their self righteous standards is nothing more then a control mechanism, designed to consolidate authority. Yes, the Governing Body quotes scriptures to support their claims. Charles Manson and Jim Jones also quoted bible scriptures to support their views. Trust me, it isn't that hard of a trick, and by itself, it proves nothing.
 To hear the leadership of Jehovah's Witnesses talk about this though, all of this is divinely ordained by their god Jehovah. Those 1.3 million who are out? Tough. To bad for such cattle who didn't "appreciate" the so called "spiritual paradise" that the Governing Body frequently claims exists within their group.
 Let me tell you the story of such a person who rejected the "spiritual paradise" of Jehovah's Witnesses. Or more accurate to say, it was the spiritual paradise that rejected him.
 He was a nice young JW, who got baptized into the group far too young, at the age of 13. Had he known that he was actually gay and would change, perhaps he wouldn't have decided to be baptized.





Gay people can't "change" their sexuality any more than you can "change" yours.  If your brother was gay, getting baptized as a Jehovah's Witness probably wouldn't be a good idea, unless he wanted to be forced live a life of romantic and sexual repression until death in order to remain an official, practicing member in good standing within the Organization/ The Watchtower Bible and Tract Society denomination.  I don't see that as being a very healthy decision to join an institution that requires you deny and remain silent about fundamental part of your identity in order for them to feel better about their insecurities and prejudices which seems to be what the JW's are doing to me, they are just using their belief in the Abrahamic god and the "inerrancy" of the Bible's dictates which may not be questioned according to the WBTS, regardless of how sincere those beliefs may be as their reason for doing so. Even if those beliefs are sincere, does that make them "true", "beneficial" or "good"?  I personally don't think so.








But the peer pressure was there, and he really wanted to please the god he was brought up to worship. This young JW got to his mid teens, and trouble started.
 It was around this time that this nice JW teen was assaulted and raped by a predator. However, 3 elders met as a JW tribunal and decided that this nice JW teen put himself into that situation, told him that he wanted it to happen and thus gave him a severe reproof, instead of the help that was needed.
 Disillusioned and very confused, but still determined to serve Jehovah, this JW teen slowly but surely got in with the wrong crowd. The rape caused him to question his sexuality.



I'm sorry your brother was raped. Even if he was questioning his sexuality, that doesn't mean he was gay, even if he was, so what?  Can you be sure that the person who raped him was gay? If his rapist was gay, so what? Not all gay people are pedophiles or rapists.  There are heterosexual rapists and pedophiles too, but do we consider their heterosexuality as the reason for why they sexually abuse other people?  I don't think that the sexual orientation of a person has anything to do with the reasons for why some people sexual abuse other people.  Why would gay people be the "wrong crowd" of people for him to hand around with, regardless of he was actually gay or not?  If these gay people inspired him to question his sexuality, so what? The gay people that he talked to aren't the ones that raped him. They didn't convince him to commit suicide.  You sound just as bad as the JW Elders that you condemn. I think that you have a lot to learn about tolerance for differences that don't affect you and how not to stereotype people for irrelevant reasons just like the JW's do, AllTimeJeff.


And then the substance abuse started: At first with alcohol, then drugs of all kinds. He reached out to his family, who were torn to the core as to what to do. The elders counseled the parents to be tough. Eventually, he was disfellowshipped, because he was addicted to drugs. (you see, JW's don't believe in rehabilitation or medical help for such matters. If a person gets addicted to drugs or alcohol, JW's are taught that it is a 100% spiritual problem, not an addiction. Tough love and following JW teachings require JW's to disfellowship such a one out of the congregation, cut off from the help that he needs) The elders then counseled the family to totally shun him. Thankfully, they didn't, and did all they could, as good parents should do. His brother though, being a good JW, shunned him totally.
 Eventually, life was too much. In his confusion, this JW teen, now in his early 20's, would go to gay bars to look to witness to gay Catholics. His desperation was such that he took his own life at the age of 21. 





I'm sorry your brother took his life.  I wonder how those gay Roman Catholics felt having a gay JW trying to proselytize to them at gay bars?  Maybe these gay men were secure with their beliefs and didn't find any appeal in his arguments and discovered that they disagreed with his arguments.  Would he have been open to their messages if they had tried to convert him to Roman Catholicism?  What if these gay men were sexually-active, were in same-sex relationships and refused to repress themselves romantic or sexually under any circumstances? What if they refused to leave their partner under any circumstances because they disagree with the WBTS' view that same-sex relationships are a "serious sin" and an "abomination" in the eyes of Yahweh for which they will be annihilated for at Armageddon if they do not "repent" and stop engaging in same-gendered sexual behavior and end their same-sex relationship? 


I wonder what the Elders of his congregation would have done if they knew that he was going to gay bars? Even if your brother was gay, what makes you think he was "confused" about his sexuality?  He may have struggled with his sexuality, but even if he identified as a homosexual, that doesn't mean he was "confused" because he wasn't the of the sexual orientation that you might have wanted him to be.  If that is what you think, AllTimeJeff, you don't sound much better than the JW Elders whose controlling methods that you disagree with.




I wish he would have gotten help to combat his alcohol and drug addiction.  I'm sorry that you parents weren't as much help as they could have been. The JW's belief that addiction to drugs and alcohol is a religious problem and not a serious medical condition is certainly a misguided view and you most certainly have the right to be upset about that.






I knew him well. He was my brother.
 I don't write that to shock you, dear reader. It was several years ago. It was one of the great regrets of my life that I couldn't do more for him, although when you are dealing with an addict, anything goes. I did talk to him on occasion just before he died. I knew he loved me, and I loved him. It was a shame that greater help couldn't be offered him. It was a shame that he was just a number to the leadership of Jehovah's Witnesses.
 My brother was 1 of over 1.3 million so far. There are hundreds of thousands who have had similar experiences, (if not similar ends thank god!)
 But these numbers that come in and out of Jehovah's Witnesses each year, from the young teens who are baptized far too young, to the hundreds of thousands of adults who aren't given the whole story about this group before they join, remember, they are real people. And they have EXCELLENT reasons and a sense of responsibility to inform anyone with a small interest in the affairs of the Jehovah's Witnesses, what is really up with this dangerous group.











Jeff
  The good old days weren't always good
 And tomorrow ain't as bad as it seems
 -Billy Joel
 Last Edited By: AllTimeJeff Jan 5 09 9:56 PM. Edited 2 times.

  










What about the JW adults who were raised in the denomination either from birth or from a very young age, often they don't seem to know anything else, so they choose to stay in the Organization and the young teenagers that get baptized into it, they often don't seem to take into consideration, the consequences of what will happen if they decide that the WBTS's way of life isn't for them, they will be shunned by their family members, relatives and friends if they leave.  Many lifelong non-JW's don't know much about the JW denomination, its beliefs, practices or history and some are discouraged from learning about the experience of ex-JW's by practicing Jehovah's Witnesses who are convinced that anything an ex-JW says against the WBTS is a "lie"  and has been indoctrinated to defend the denomination from any type of criticism which they view as being "illegitimate".  I don't think that all the JW's as individuals are "dangerous", but I think that some of their beliefs and practices are harmful and should be subject to critical examination, just like every other religious group.  To only accept the claims of the JW denomination that are being made by a JW and refusing to examine the perspectives of ex-JW's and non-JW's would be a very biased thing to do. You should examine the denomination from all points of view with a critical mind and analyze the information that you discover.











Sincerely,


B.W.

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