Wednesday, October 23, 2013
Grumbles from an Old Grouch blog posts and comments part 1
Grumbles From an Old Grouch
"I'm not everybody's 'cuppa tea'…….But, then again, I don't try to be!"
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A Bit About Me (As if you really, really give a shit)
Biblical Beasts & Boogymen [UNDER CONSTRUCTION]
Fryin’ Ryan – What You Really Need to Know About Paul Ryan (b.y.o. nausea pills)
Mormonism: “The Big Con?” A “Religious Wrong” Special Report (pt 1)
Mormonism: “The Big Con?” A “Religious Wrong” Special Report (pt 2)
Mormonism: “The Big Con?” A “Religious Wrong” Special Report (pt 3)
Mormonism: “The Big Con?” A “Religious Wrong” SpecialReport (pt 4) [UNDER CONSTRUCTION]
Repugnut Thoughts (Mine, not theirs (pt. 1))
Repugnut Thoughts (pt. 2: The Turd Blossom Rationalizations)
Repugnut Thoughts (pt. 3: Ayn Rand, Graveyard Voters & Matthew 7:16)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 1: 2nd Amendment Bullshit)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 2: To Heller & Back)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 3: Collateral Damage)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 4: The Usual Suspects)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 5: More of the Usual)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 6: Da BIG Dawgs) [UNDER CONSTRUCTION
The Religious Wrong (pt 1: The Puritanical Years)
The Religious Wrong (pt 2: The Hateteenth Century)
The Religious Wrong (pt 3: The Great(?) Awakening)
The Repuglican War on Women (pt 1: Oh, my Akin Ryan)
The Repuglican War on Women (pt 2: Meanwhile, back in the states.)
The Repuglican War on Women (pt 2b (or not 2b): Meanwhile, back in the states. cont.) [UNDER CONSTRUCTION]
The Scurge(?) or Scourge(?) of Socialism
The Tea Potty (pt 1: The Early Years)
The Tea Potty (pt 10: Clowns & Commodians cont.)
The Tea Potty (pt 2: The “Knights” in Cotton Armor)
The Tea Potty (pt 3: Civil Rights, Civil Wrongs, Civil Rumps)
The Tea Potty (pt 4: From Vietnam to Ventura)
The Tea Potty (pt 5: Who the hell are these people?)
The Tea Potty (pt 6: In the beginning, there was Astro-Turf)
The Tea Potty (pt 7-The local Locos)
The Tea Potty (pt 8: Players & Takers)
The Tea Potty (pt 9-Clowns & Commodians)
The Theory of Evil-ution vs The Myth-ology of Creationism (pt 1)
The Theory of Evil-ution vs The Myth-ology of Creationism (pt 2)
There Are Not Two Sides To Every Story!
Too Many People Vote!
Why Do We Have The Most Powerful Military In The World? (No, Seriously. Why?) (pt 1)
Why Do We Have The Most Powerful Military In The World? (No, seriously. Why?) (pt 2)
Facebook Gets Grouchy
Posted on July 11, 2012
NEWS FLASH!
(Well, not really, but I wanted to grab your attention.)
Grumbles From an Old Grouch now has a Facebook page: “Grouchy’s Grumbles” (https://www.facebook.com/GrouchysGrumbles).
I want to use the page for updates (excuses why I’m so damn slow getting things posted), conversations (dialogue is “where it’s at”) and assorted bon mots (witty bits from my bitty wits).
Check it out and “friend it”. I’ll be glad you did.
Grouchy
ps. Tell your “like minded” friends. Hell, tell your “dislike minded” friends. Something magic happens when I reach a certain threshold of “friends”. I’m not sure what it is, but I’m dying to find out. (Oops! Bad choice of words for an old geezer.)
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If you judge a book by it’s cover, you haven’t read the book.
Posted on December 27, 2011
4
Cannon Fodder Headed For The Firing Line:
Biblical Beasts & Boogiemen
The “Religious Wrong”
The War On Women
I’m Workin’ On It Already! – Sheesh! Check Back Later:
Are We the Apex of Evolution? (God, I Hope Not!)
Conspiracy’s Greatest Shits!
Criticizing Someone Of Color Does Not Automatically Make You A Racist! And Criticizing Israel Does Not Automatically Make You Anti-Semitic!
Obama Is A “Cave Man”! (And That’s Not A Racial Slur!)
Why is the South, the South?
Thoughts – Pregnant Or Sterile? Too Soon To Tell:
Are States Really Necessary?
Bush Had Balls Substituting For Brains! (And Those Were Deflated!)
A Closer Look At The “Real Americans”
Paid Political Ads Are Not Free Speech! And Corporations Are Not People!
Social Programs Are Funded To Fail!
Socialism, Smocialism! Are we headed toward Fascism?
The South Should Have Won That Damn War!
Welcome To The Plutocracy!
We Need To Change The Pledge Of Allegiance! (Better Yet, Get Rid Of It!)
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Locked, Loaded & Ready To Misfire
◾A Bit About Me (As if you really, really give a shit)
◾Biblical Beasts & Boogymen [UNDER CONSTRUCTION]
◾Fryin’ Ryan – What You Really Need to Know About Paul Ryan (b.y.o. nausea pills)
◾Mormonism: “The Big Con?” A “Religious Wrong” Special Report (pt 1)
◾Mormonism: “The Big Con?” A “Religious Wrong” Special Report (pt 2)
◾Mormonism: “The Big Con?” A “Religious Wrong” Special Report (pt 3)
◾Mormonism: “The Big Con?” A “Religious Wrong” SpecialReport (pt 4) [UNDER CONSTRUCTION]
◾Repugnut Thoughts (Mine, not theirs (pt. 1))
◾Repugnut Thoughts (pt. 2: The Turd Blossom Rationalizations)
◾Repugnut Thoughts (pt. 3: Ayn Rand, Graveyard Voters & Matthew 7:16)
◾The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 1: 2nd Amendment Bullshit)
◾The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 2: To Heller & Back)
◾The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 3: Collateral Damage)
◾The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 4: The Usual Suspects)
◾The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 5: More of the Usual)
◾The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 6: Da BIG Dawgs) [UNDER CONSTRUCTION
◾The Religious Wrong (pt 1: The Puritanical Years)
◾The Religious Wrong (pt 2: The Hateteenth Century)
◾The Religious Wrong (pt 3: The Great(?) Awakening)
◾The Repuglican War on Women (pt 1: Oh, my Akin Ryan)
◾The Repuglican War on Women (pt 2: Meanwhile, back in the states.)
◾The Repuglican War on Women (pt 2b (or not 2b): Meanwhile, back in the states. cont.) [UNDER CONSTRUCTION]
◾The Scurge(?) or Scourge(?) of Socialism
◾The Tea Potty (pt 1: The Early Years)
◾The Tea Potty (pt 10: Clowns & Commodians cont.)
◾The Tea Potty (pt 2: The “Knights” in Cotton Armor)
◾The Tea Potty (pt 3: Civil Rights, Civil Wrongs, Civil Rumps)
◾The Tea Potty (pt 4: From Vietnam to Ventura)
◾The Tea Potty (pt 5: Who the hell are these people?)
◾The Tea Potty (pt 6: In the beginning, there was Astro-Turf)
◾The Tea Potty (pt 7-The local Locos)
◾The Tea Potty (pt 8: Players & Takers)
◾The Tea Potty (pt 9-Clowns & Commodians)
◾The Theory of Evil-ution vs The Myth-ology of Creationism (pt 1)
◾The Theory of Evil-ution vs The Myth-ology of Creationism (pt 2)
◾There Are Not Two Sides To Every Story!
◾Too Many People Vote!
◾Why Do We Have The Most Powerful Military In The World? (No, Seriously. Why?) (pt 1)
◾Why Do We Have The Most Powerful Military In The World? (No, seriously. Why?) (pt 2)
Old Rants & Rages
Select Month July 2012 (1) December 2011 (1)
Lookin’ For Sumthin?
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◾madu untuk wajah on The Scurge(?) or Scourge(?) of Socialism
◾replica hermes men on The Scurge(?) or Scourge(?) of Socialism
◾Homepage on The Tea Potty (pt 4: From Vietnam to Ventura)
◾Dave on If you judge a book by it’s cover, you haven’t read the book.
◾Richard Goscicki on If you judge a book by it’s cover, you haven’t read the book.
◾Dave on If you judge a book by it’s cover, you haven’t read the book.
◾Donna Alley on If you judge a book by it’s cover, you haven’t read the book.
◾Dave on Fryin’ Ryan – What You Really Need to Know About Paul Ryan (b.y.o. nausea pills)
◾Dave on Fryin’ Ryan – What You Really Need to Know About Paul Ryan (b.y.o. nausea pills)
◾Anne Parker on Fryin’ Ryan – What You Really Need to Know About Paul Ryan (b.y.o. nausea pills)
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Grumbles From an Old Grouch
"I'm not everybody's 'cuppa tea'…….But, then again, I don't try to be!"
Search
Main menu
Skip to primary content
Skip to secondary content
Home
A Bit About Me (As if you really, really give a shit)
Biblical Beasts & Boogymen [UNDER CONSTRUCTION]
Fryin’ Ryan – What You Really Need to Know About Paul Ryan (b.y.o. nausea pills)
Mormonism: “The Big Con?” A “Religious Wrong” Special Report (pt 1)
Mormonism: “The Big Con?” A “Religious Wrong” Special Report (pt 2)
Mormonism: “The Big Con?” A “Religious Wrong” Special Report (pt 3)
Mormonism: “The Big Con?” A “Religious Wrong” SpecialReport (pt 4) [UNDER CONSTRUCTION]
Repugnut Thoughts (Mine, not theirs (pt. 1))
Repugnut Thoughts (pt. 2: The Turd Blossom Rationalizations)
Repugnut Thoughts (pt. 3: Ayn Rand, Graveyard Voters & Matthew 7:16)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 1: 2nd Amendment Bullshit)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 2: To Heller & Back)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 3: Collateral Damage)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 4: The Usual Suspects)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 5: More of the Usual)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 6: Da BIG Dawgs) [UNDER CONSTRUCTION
The Religious Wrong (pt 1: The Puritanical Years)
The Religious Wrong (pt 2: The Hateteenth Century)
The Religious Wrong (pt 3: The Great(?) Awakening)
The Repuglican War on Women (pt 1: Oh, my Akin Ryan)
The Repuglican War on Women (pt 2: Meanwhile, back in the states.)
The Repuglican War on Women (pt 2b (or not 2b): Meanwhile, back in the states. cont.) [UNDER CONSTRUCTION]
The Scurge(?) or Scourge(?) of Socialism
The Tea Potty (pt 1: The Early Years)
The Tea Potty (pt 10: Clowns & Commodians cont.)
The Tea Potty (pt 2: The “Knights” in Cotton Armor)
The Tea Potty (pt 3: Civil Rights, Civil Wrongs, Civil Rumps)
The Tea Potty (pt 4: From Vietnam to Ventura)
The Tea Potty (pt 5: Who the hell are these people?)
The Tea Potty (pt 6: In the beginning, there was Astro-Turf)
The Tea Potty (pt 7-The local Locos)
The Tea Potty (pt 8: Players & Takers)
The Tea Potty (pt 9-Clowns & Commodians)
The Theory of Evil-ution vs The Myth-ology of Creationism (pt 1)
The Theory of Evil-ution vs The Myth-ology of Creationism (pt 2)
There Are Not Two Sides To Every Story!
Too Many People Vote!
Why Do We Have The Most Powerful Military In The World? (No, Seriously. Why?) (pt 1)
Why Do We Have The Most Powerful Military In The World? (No, seriously. Why?) (pt 2)
A Bit About Me (As if you really, really give a shit)
I’M OOOOLD!
I’m old enough to remember outhouses before they were portable.
I’m old enough to remember when phones came in every color imaginable (after all, black is the combination of all colors) and could be used anywhere (if the cord was long enough).
I’m old enough to remember flying being fun and stewardesses being young and sexy. (Probably a bit of a correlation in there somewhere.)
I’m old enough to remember Ronald Reagan & Tip O’Neil battling each other all day, then getting together for brewskis in the evening.
I’m old enough to remember when Kennedy wasn’t nearly as good as the legend, and Johnson wasn’t nearly as bad.
I’m old enough to remember tea baggers before they were tea baggers. I remember the Reform Party (1996) and the American Independent Party (1968). Hell, I even remember the States Rights Democrats aka Dixiecrats (1948). However, contrary to what my kids may think, I am not quite old enough to remember (let alone be a charter member of) the Know Nothing Movement aka American Republican Party (1845-60).
I’m old enough to remember when “legal” meant lawful: now it means some kind of loophole.
I’m old enough to remember when America mostly stood for what it’s supposed to stand for. (Especially if you didn’t factor in civil rights.)
We didn’t do “preemptive wars” (let alone, phony ones). And torture (including waterboarding) would get you sent to the Federal Playpen to play “rock hockey” for a decade or so.
Don’t get the idea that I don’t love my country. I do! I just don’t care much for most of the politicians (read that “leaches”) and other assorted horses patoots that run it most of the time.
Socially, I’m an “Aggressive Progressive” and a democrat (not to be confused with “Democrat” aka “Gutless Blunder”).
Economically, I’m actually a bit of conservative (in the original sense of the word). Yes, government needs to collect and spend money, however at times they do a piss poor job of both.
I don’t think liberalism has all the answers, but what passes for conservatism these days (Robert Taft and Barry Goldwater would disown it. William F. Buckley did!) hasn’t seemed to have had any answers in the last 18 years.
Even Saint Ronnie wouldn’t be able to hack some of these clowns (and he was a John Birch Society fan). But that evens out, because they wouldn’t really like him as President now either. (He not only raised the debt limit 18 times, but he also (gasp) raised taxes 11 times.)
I am not a subscriber to any of the “Current Prevailing Mythologies”, although I think Zoroastrianism is a hoot! (Jews and Early Christians must have thought so as well, since they adopted so much of it.)
I am not an Agnostic. Agnostics are really just “Chicken Atheists”.
I’m a “real, live, full-blown, fire-breathing Atheist” complete with horns and a tail.
OK, I exaggerated a little on that last bit. I am real and I am alive (at least the last time I checked). I am full (especially around dinnertime), but I haven’t been blown in ages. Also, my breath may be a mite odoriferous, but it isn’t really incendiary. (The breath from my nether “mouth” is another matter altogether.) And, the closest I get to “horns and a tail” is being horny for some tail. (Boy, am I gonna hear from the “Fems” on that one.)
As one of Red Skelton’s characters used to say: “I calls ‘em likes I sees ‘em.”
I am a graduate of the George Carlin School of Anti-euphuisms as well as holding advanced degrees from the College of Political Incorrectness. I call a spade a spade! (Back off “brothers”! That wasn’t a racial slur. If you thought it was, then you need to clean up your own act!)
Every opinion I write in these post is my own personal opinion, of which I have every right to express. And while I have a right to my own personal opinion, what I do not have a right to (and neither does anyone else) are my own personal facts. So, if I state a fact in my posts, you better damn well know that I can back it up, usually right there with a link to the source.
Of course, there are some things I’m going to say that are really there just to get you to think. Which ones? I’m not going to tell you. You’ll just have to think about them as you come to them.
And, as you will quickly notice, I give stupidity the respects it deserves: NOT A DAMN BIT!
To misquote a line I read once: “People who don’t want their ideas laughed at, shouldn’t have such funny ideas”.
In the interest of disclosure, I should also tell you that from time to time, I will exercise a little “poetic license”. So, just because I call someone a S.O.B., it really doesn’t mean I actually think his mother was a pooch.
I welcome all constructive comments and feedback whether they agree or disagree. Serious discussion will be treated seriously. (i.e. no quacks = no cracks) Someone who can intelligently discuss controversial subjects without getting personal or feel they are being attacked is absolute gold! However, if you come off as stupid (i.e. quoting Faux Noise or the “wingnut radio jerkoffs”) and/or a “potty mouth” then you will be treated as such. Being a “potty mouth” is the exclusive right of yours truly. (Hey, it’s my blog ;-P)
So, sit back, relax, read a post or two (or 3 or 4 or …). I hope you enjoy (and maybe kick-start a brain cell or two.) But, if you don’t? Well, I live by the words of the immortal philosopher, Ricky Nelson: “Ya know ya can’t please everyone, so ya got ta, ya got ta please yourself”.
Grouchy
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Grumbles From an Old Grouch
"I'm not everybody's 'cuppa tea'…….But, then again, I don't try to be!"
Search
Main menu
Skip to primary content
Skip to secondary content
Home
A Bit About Me (As if you really, really give a shit)
Biblical Beasts & Boogymen [UNDER CONSTRUCTION]
Fryin’ Ryan – What You Really Need to Know About Paul Ryan (b.y.o. nausea pills)
Mormonism: “The Big Con?” A “Religious Wrong” Special Report (pt 1)
Mormonism: “The Big Con?” A “Religious Wrong” Special Report (pt 2)
Mormonism: “The Big Con?” A “Religious Wrong” Special Report (pt 3)
Mormonism: “The Big Con?” A “Religious Wrong” SpecialReport (pt 4) [UNDER CONSTRUCTION]
Repugnut Thoughts (Mine, not theirs (pt. 1))
Repugnut Thoughts (pt. 2: The Turd Blossom Rationalizations)
Repugnut Thoughts (pt. 3: Ayn Rand, Graveyard Voters & Matthew 7:16)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 1: 2nd Amendment Bullshit)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 2: To Heller & Back)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 3: Collateral Damage)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 4: The Usual Suspects)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 5: More of the Usual)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 6: Da BIG Dawgs) [UNDER CONSTRUCTION
The Religious Wrong (pt 1: The Puritanical Years)
The Religious Wrong (pt 2: The Hateteenth Century)
The Religious Wrong (pt 3: The Great(?) Awakening)
The Repuglican War on Women (pt 1: Oh, my Akin Ryan)
The Repuglican War on Women (pt 2: Meanwhile, back in the states.)
The Repuglican War on Women (pt 2b (or not 2b): Meanwhile, back in the states. cont.) [UNDER CONSTRUCTION]
The Scurge(?) or Scourge(?) of Socialism
The Tea Potty (pt 1: The Early Years)
The Tea Potty (pt 10: Clowns & Commodians cont.)
The Tea Potty (pt 2: The “Knights” in Cotton Armor)
The Tea Potty (pt 3: Civil Rights, Civil Wrongs, Civil Rumps)
The Tea Potty (pt 4: From Vietnam to Ventura)
The Tea Potty (pt 5: Who the hell are these people?)
The Tea Potty (pt 6: In the beginning, there was Astro-Turf)
The Tea Potty (pt 7-The local Locos)
The Tea Potty (pt 8: Players & Takers)
The Tea Potty (pt 9-Clowns & Commodians)
The Theory of Evil-ution vs The Myth-ology of Creationism (pt 1)
The Theory of Evil-ution vs The Myth-ology of Creationism (pt 2)
There Are Not Two Sides To Every Story!
Too Many People Vote!
Why Do We Have The Most Powerful Military In The World? (No, Seriously. Why?) (pt 1)
Why Do We Have The Most Powerful Military In The World? (No, seriously. Why?) (pt 2)
Biblical Beasts & Boogymen [UNDER CONSTRUCTION]
If you happened to pop on to this page, WELCOME!
The usual disclaimer about being a work-in-progress, ugly as it is. But, this one’s a wee bit different. This is mostly for fun. In doing research for The Theory of Evil-ution vs the Myth-ology of Creationism posts, I kept running into weird creatures that I’d forgotten were even in the “Holey Scriptures”. I got a bit curious about all of them, so I figured it’d be fun to do a post on them.
I’m currently working on two series: “The Religious Wrong” and “The War on Women“. (Hey, three shameless plugs already and I’m not even out of the disclaimer yet.) Now, I gotta tell ya, doing blog research can get a bit tedious. I want to get my facts straight, even if my snarks misfire. Since both those series, especially TWoW, can to be a bit on the heavy side, I’m going to do this one as a bit of release.
So, enjoy. And, if you know of any “interesting creatures” that I am missing, let me know.
One last thing, I know some DEFENDERS OF THE “TRUTH” are going to yell that these beasts and demons are allegories. Originally??? Maybe…….but, I don’t think so!
People at this time (and in way too many cases, right up till now) actually believed they existed. After all, these people believed an invisible magic man in the clouds created the universe in one day, although it took him six to set up the earth. In other words, these people (then and now) would believe anything, no matter how damn weird. Besides, it’s in the bible and the bible is “GOD’s WORD!!!” (Although, Big Daddy has been known to lie on occasion.)
Abbadon (Apollyon)
In the Old Testament as well as the original Masoretic text of the Hebrew scriptures, Abaddon is a place of destruction, usually considered to be a part of Hell.
By the New Testament, Abaddon had morphed into “…the angel of the abyss” and king of an army of insects. (Locusts resembling horses with wings, crowned human faces with women’s hair, lions’ teeth and the tail of a scorpion, to be exact.) Revelation 9:11 (Btw, he’s comin’ to get you on Judgement Day and take your soul to the Valley of Josaphat.)
According to Revelation, Abaddon’s Greek name was Apollyon, who you may remember from John Bunyan’s “The Pilgrim’s Progress”. (You have read “The Pilgirm’s Progress”, haven’t you?)
Angels
Daniel 10:4
Angels are found in many religions but all describe them in the same way. In Christianity, Islam, Judaism, and Zoroastrianism, angels, as attendants or guardians to man, typically act as messengers from God.
Angelology is a branch of theology that deals with a hierarchical system of angels, messengers, celestial powers or emanations, and the study of these systems. It primarily relates to Kabbalistic Judaism and Christianity, where it is one of the ten major branches of theology, albeit an often neglected one. Some secular scholars believe that Judeo-Christianity owes a great debt to Zoroastrianism in regards to the introduction of angelology and demonology, as well as the fallen angel Satan as the ultimate agent of evil, comparing him to the evil spirit Ahriman. The Iranian Avestan and Vedic traditions and also other branches of Indo-European mythologies show, the notion of demonshad existed long before.
Angels often appear to people in the shape of humans of extraordinary beauty, and often are not immediately recognized as angels (Genesis 18:2, Genesis 19:5; Judges 6:17, Judges 8:6; 2 Samuel 29:9). Some fly through the air, some become invisible, sacrifices touched by some are consumed by fire, and some may disappear in sacrificial fire. Angels, or the Angel, appeared in the flames of the thorn bush (Genesis 16:13; Judges 6:21-22; 2 Kings 2:11; Exodus 3:2). They are described as pure and bright as Heaven; consequently, they are said to be formed of fire, and encompassed by light, as the Psalmist said (Psalm 104:4):
“He makes winds His messengers, burning fire His ministers.”
Some verses in the Apocrypha/Deuterocanonical works depict angels wearing blue or red robes but no such reference occurs in the Protestant books. Though superhuman, angels can assume human form; this is the earliest conception. Gradually, and especially in post-Biblical times, angels came to be imagined in a form corresponding to the nature of the mission to be fulfilled—generally, however, the human form. Angels can be depicted bearing drawn swords or other weapons in their hands—one carries an ink-horn by his side—and ride on horses (Numbers 22:23, Joshua 5:13, Ezekiel 9;2, Zechariah 1:8 et seq.). A terrible angel mentioned in 1 Chronicles 21:16,30, as standing “between the earth and the heaven, having a drawn sword in his hand”. In the Book of Daniel, reference is made to an angel “clothed in linen, whose loins were girded with fine gold of Uphaz: his body also was like the beryl, and his face as the appearance of lightning, and his eyes as lamps of fire, and his arms and his feet like in color to polished brass, and the voice of his words like the voice of a multitude” (Daniel 10:5-6). This imagery is very similar to a description in the book of Revelation. Angels are thought by many to possess wings. This has arisen from references to their ability to fly (Daniel 9:21). Both cherubim and seraphim are depicted with wings in the Bible, and they are both traditionally associated within both the Jewish and Christian hierarchy of angels.
AntiChrist
Behemoth
1 Enoch 60:7-8
Demon of lust and gluttony
Shape : elephant or hippopotamus, a cat
Rank : a headwaiter, or the caretaker of wine cellars of Hell
Origin : Egyptian deity Taueret.
Myths : One of the first monster created by God to guard the Earth
Magic : “his strength is in his loins, and his force is in the navel of his belly”
Association : Leviathan
Cherubim
Cockatrice
Jermiah 8:17 - “For, behold, I will send serpents, cockatrices, among you, which will not be charmed, and they shall bite you, saith the Lord.”
Isaiah 11:8 - “And the sucking child shall play on the hole of the asp, and the weaned child shall put his hand on the cockatrice’ den.”
Isaiah 59:5 - “They hatch cockatrice’ eggs, and weave the spider’s web: he that eateth of their eggs dieth, and that which is crushed breaketh out into a viper.”
The Cockatrice is a horrific, nightmarish creature with the funniest name ever. It’s a two-legged dragon with a rooster’s head, and it has the ability to instantly kill a human being just by looking at him. The cockatrice is very similar to the mythical Basilisk, with the exception that the Cockatrice has wings. Other than that, they’re virtually the same mythical creature. Cockatrices hatch from eggs that are laid by a chicken and then incubated by a toad or snake. Cockatrice and Basilisk mythology didn’t really become commonplace until the 12th century, so the appearance of the Cockatrice in The Bible is probably a case of mistranslation, or a utilization of 12th century terminology for something that, in Biblical times, may have been more abstract or mysterious.
Read more at http://egotvonline.com/2011/06/08/mythical-creatures-mentioned-in-the-bible/#zvWhFxdapxFMVXjV.99
Jeremiahbible monster cockatrice 8:17 – “For, behold, I will send serpents, cockatrices among you, which will not be charmed, and they shall bite you, saith the Lord.” A cockatrice, pictured at right, is another mythological creature. It is supposed to be a serpent that can kill just by looking at someone.
Demon
◾Amon(Aamon) (Christian demonology)
◾Abaddon (Christian demonology)
◾Abalam (Christian demonology)
◾Abraxas (Gnosticism)
◾Abyzou (Jewish mythology)
◾Agaliarept (Jewish mythology)
◾Agares (Christian demonology)
◾Agiel (Jewish mythology)
◾Aim (Christian demonology)
◾Alastor (Christian demonology)
◾Alloces (Christian demonology)
◾Amaymon (Christian demonology)
◾Amdusias (Christian demonology)
◾Amy (Christian demonology)
◾Andras (Christian demonology)
◾Andrealphus (Christian demonology)
◾Andromalius (Christian demonology)
◾Antichrist (Christian demonology)
◾Apollyon (Christian demonology)
◾Armaros (Christian demonology)
◾Asag (Sumerian mythology)
◾Asb’el (Jewish mythology)
◾Asmodai/Asmodeus (Jewish folklore and Christian demonology)
◾Astaroth (Christian demonology)
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Baal (Christian demonology)
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Balam (Christian demonology)
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Balberith (Jewish demonology)
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Baphomet (Demon, or image/idol thereof)
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Barbas (Christian demonology)
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Barbatos (Christian demonology)
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Bathin (Christian demonology)
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Beelzebub (Jewish demonology, Christian demonology)
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Behemoth (Jewish demonology)
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Belial (Jewish demonology, Christian demonology)
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Beleth (Christian demonology)
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Belphegor (Christian demonology)
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Berith (Christian demonology)
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Bifrons (Christian demonology)
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Botis (Christian demonology)
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Buer (Christian demonology)
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Bune (Christian demonology)
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Caacrinolaas (Christian demonology)
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Caim (Christian demonology)
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Cimejes (Christian demonology)
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Corson (Christian demonology)
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Crocell (Christian demonology)
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Crone (Christian demonology)
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Dantalion (Christian demonology)
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Danjal (Jewish mythology)
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Decarabia (Christian demonology)
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Demogorgon (Christian demonology)
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Devil (Christian demonology)
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Dumah (Jewish demonology)
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Eligos (Christian demonology)
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Familiars (Christian demonology)
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Focalor (Christian demonology)
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Foras (Christian demonology)
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Forneus (Christian demonology)
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Furcas (Christian demonology)
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Furfur (Christian demonology)
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Gader’el (Jewish demonology)
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Glasya-Labolas (Christian demonology)
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Gremory (Christian demonology)
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Grigori (Jewish demonology)
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Gusion (Christian demonology)
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Haagenti (Christian demonology)
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Halphas (Christian demonology)
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Haures (Christian demonology)
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Incubus (Christian demonology, Chaldean mythology, Jewish folklore)
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Ipos (Christian demonology)
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Kobal (Christian demonology)
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Kokb’ael (Jewish demonology)
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Kulak (Christian demonology)
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Labal (Christian demonology)
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Legion (Christian demonology)
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Leraje (Christian demonology)
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Leviathan (Jewish demonology, Christian demonology)
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Lilim (Jewish folklore)
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Lilu (Jewish demonology)
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Lix Tetrax (Jewish/Christian demonology)
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Lucifer (Christian demonology)
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Lucifuge Rofocale (Christian demonology)
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Malphas (Christian demonology)
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Mammon (Christian demonology)
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Marax (Christian demonology)
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Marbas (Christian demonology)
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Marchosias (Christian demonology)
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Mastema (Jewish demonology)
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Mathim (Christian demonology)
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Mephistopheles (Christian folklore)
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Merihem (Christian demonology)
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Moloch (Christian demonology)
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Murmur (Christian demonology)
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Naamah (Jewish demonology)
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Naberius (Christian demonology)
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Naberus (Christian demonology)
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Naphula (Christian demonology)
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Obizoth (Christian demonology)
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Oray (Christian demonology)
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Oriax (Christian demonology)
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Orobas (Christian demonology)
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Ose (Christian demonology)
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Paimon (Christian demonology)
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Penemue (Jewish mythology)
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Phenex (Christian demonology)
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Pithius (Christian demonology)
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Procell (Christian demonology)
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Pruflas (Christian demonology)
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Purson (Christian demonology)
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Raging Demon (Christian demonology)
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Rahab (Jewish folklore)
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Raum (Christian demonology)
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Ronove (Christian demonology)
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Rosier (Christian demonology)
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Rumjal (Jewish demonology)
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Sabnock (Christian demonology)
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Saiko (Christian demonology)
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Sallos (Christian demonology)
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Salpsan, Satan’s son (Apocryphal Gospel of Bartholomew)
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Samael (Jewish demonology)
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Satan (Jewish demonology, Christian demonology, Islamic mythology)
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Satanachia (Christian demonology)
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Scox (Christian demonology)
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Seere (Christian demonology)
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Semyazza (Jewish demonology)
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Shax (Christian demonology)
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Shedim (Jewish folklore)
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Sidragasum (Christian demonology)
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Sitri (Christian demonology)
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Stheno (Greek mythology)
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Stolas (Christian demonology)
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Surgat (Christian demonology)
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Tannin (Jewish demonology)
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Tartaruchi (ApocryphalChristian demonology)
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Temeluchus (ApocryphalChristian demonology)
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Titivillus (Christian demonology)
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Tuyul (Indonesian demonology)
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Ukobach (Christian demonology)
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Valefar (Christian demonology)
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Vapula (Christian demonology)
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Vassago (Christian demonology)
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Vepar (Christian demonology)
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Verrine (Christian demonology)
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Vine (Christian demonology)
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Volac (Christian demonology)
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Vual (Christian demonology)
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Xaphan (Christian demonology)
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Yeqon (Jewish demonology)
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Yeter’el (Christian demonology)
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Yokai (Japanese folklore)
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Zaebos (Christian demonology)
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Zagan (Christian demonology)
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Zepar (Christian demonology)
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Zmeu (Romanian folklore)
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Ziz (Jewish Demonology)
Dragon
Fiery Serpent
Numbers 21:6 we find the lord of the Bible sending “fiery serpents” to torment the people. “And the Lord sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.”
Dinosaur
Job 40 – “Behold now behemoth, which I made with thee; he eateth grass as an ox…He moveth his tail like a cedar…His bones are as strong pieces of brass; his bones are like bars of iron…his nose pierceth through snares.”
It turns out Creationists are right: according to The Bible, dinosaurs and people did exist at the same time…maybe. The Bible verse above (Job 40) is the verse that’s most frequently cited by Creationists, and to their credit it really sounds like it’s describing a triceratops dinosaur. The Bible’s “behemoth” is an enormous herbivore who has a tail as big as a tree, huge bones, and horns on his nose. That sure sounds like a triceratops to me.
Golem
Leviathan
Job 41 – “Canst thou draw out leviathan with an hook? or his tongue with a cord which thou lettest down? Canst thou put an hook into his nose?…Out of his mouth go burning lamps, and sparks of fire leap out. Out of his nostrils goeth smoke, as out of a seething pot or caldron. His breath kindleth coals, and a flame goeth out of his mouth.”
Unlike the other mythical beasts on this list, the Leviathan originated in the Bible. There are recordings of sea monsters all through history, but The Bible is the first to give one of those beasts the name “Leviathan”, and The Book of Job contains an immense passage (Job 41) that’s solely devoted to describing the Leviathan, a giant sea-dwelling dragon. It’s described as being covered in impenetrable scales and breathing fire. Drawing from this explicit biblical shout out, many other cultures and religions adopted the name Leviathan for their mythical sea monster, a servant to the Devil, or (in the case of Demonology) one of the guardians of the Gates of Hell.
Satyrbible monster satyr
A satyr is a creature of Greek mythology. It is supposed to be a man with a goat’s legs, ears and horns.
Isaiah 13:21 “But wild beasts of the desert shall lie there; and their houses shall be full of doleful creatures; and owls shall dwell there, and satyrs shall dance there.”
saiah 13:21 – “But wild beasts of the desert shall lie there; and their houses shall be full of doleful creatures; and owls shall dwell there, and satyrs shall dance there.”
Isaiah 34:14 - “But wild beasts of the desert shall lie there; and their houses shall be full of doleful creatures; and owls shall dwell there, and satyrs shall dance there.”
Satyrs are hairy, horned creatures with the bottom half of a goat and the upper half of a man. Oh, and they’re also incredibly horny. The Bible describes Satyrs as evil creatures or demons who live in the wilderness, and this is likely because the Biblical use of “Satyr” is actually a misinterpretation of the Se’irim, a much scarier creature from Hebrew folklore. Se’irim are nasty, hairy demons that are said to inhabit “waste places”, which either means deserts or sewage treatment facilities. Either way, these things are nasty, and Biblical texts suggest that they not only existed, but that people were fairly familiar with them.
Read more at http://egotvonline.com/2011/06/08/mythical-creatures-mentioned-in-the-bible/#zvWhFxdapxFMVXjV.99
Seraphim
Tetramorph
Unicorn
Isaiah 34:7 “And the unicorns shall come down with them, and the bullocks with the bulls, and their land shall be soaked with blood, and their dust made fat with fatness.”
The Bible mentions Unicorns 9 times (Numbers 23:22, Numbers 24:8, Deuteronomy 33:17, Job 39:9-10, Psalms 22:21, Psalms 29:6, Psalms 92:10, Isaiah 34:7). Some newer translations have replaced “Unicorn” with “Wild Ox”, and some historians speculate that Unicorns were often mistaken reports of rhinoceroses. The Bible’s use of Unicorns usually comes in the form of analogies that use the Unicorn’s reported strength, purity, and good virtue in comparisons.
Read more at http://egotvonline.com/2011/06/08/mythical-creatures-mentioned-in-the-bible/#zvWhFxdapxFMVXjV.99
Vampire
John 6:53-57 - Jesus said to them, “Very truly I tell you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you. Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise them up at the last day. For my flesh is real food and my blood is real drink. Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood remains in me, and I in them. Just as the living Father sent me and I live because of the Father, so the one who feeds on me will live forever because of me.”
There are many passages in The Bible that talk about eating flesh and drinking blood. Most of these verses are metaphorical; Jesus often spoke of “eating his flesh” and “drinking his blood” as a metaphor for absorbing his spirit, or being more like him. But there are also a few references to vampirism that were removed from the original Biblical texts during translations, because the passages and stories didn’t fit, according to the text’s transcribers. One such instance occurs in an extended “director’s cut” version of The Book of Genesis. In this passage, Eve has a dream in which she sees one of her sons, Cain, murdering and drinking the blood of her other son, Abel. Of course, Cain later committed the first murder when jealousy drove him to kill his brother Abel, and this dream may have been a prophetic foresight on the part of Eve.
Ziz
Zombie
Matthew 27:52 – “And the graves were opened; and many bodies of the saints which slept arose, And came out of the graves after his resurrection, and went into the holy city, and appeared unto many.”
Zecharia 14:12 – “And the Lord will send a plague on all the nations that fought against Jerusalem. Their people will become like walking corpses, their flesh rotting away. Their eyes will rot in their sockets, and their tongues will rot in their mouths.”
The Bible talks about zombies a lot. In fact, zombies seem to be one of the preferred methods of punishment for Old Testament God, who was all about wrath and punishment and turning cities to salt and, apparently, making dead people’s corpses come back to life and pester the living. Many of The Bible’s zombie shout outs come in the form of end-time prophecies, which predict that the End of Days will be either accompanied or started by a zombie outbreak.What They Really Are:
Like it or not, the Bible is kind of based around things dying and then coming back to life. Jesus was totally a zombie. Lazarus was a zombie. There are plenty of zombies in The Bible to go around. But with the exception of a few biblical zombie moments, most of the zombie shout outs are bad. Really bad. Many zombie scholars (yeah, that exists) suggest that the biblical prophets may have foreseen some type of zombie bio-weapon apocalypse scenario in the distant future, but they simply didn’t understand the science behind it all.
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Grumbles From an Old Grouch
"I'm not everybody's 'cuppa tea'…….But, then again, I don't try to be!"
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A Bit About Me (As if you really, really give a shit)
Biblical Beasts & Boogymen [UNDER CONSTRUCTION]
Fryin’ Ryan – What You Really Need to Know About Paul Ryan (b.y.o. nausea pills)
Mormonism: “The Big Con?” A “Religious Wrong” Special Report (pt 1)
Mormonism: “The Big Con?” A “Religious Wrong” Special Report (pt 2)
Mormonism: “The Big Con?” A “Religious Wrong” Special Report (pt 3)
Mormonism: “The Big Con?” A “Religious Wrong” SpecialReport (pt 4) [UNDER CONSTRUCTION]
Repugnut Thoughts (Mine, not theirs (pt. 1))
Repugnut Thoughts (pt. 2: The Turd Blossom Rationalizations)
Repugnut Thoughts (pt. 3: Ayn Rand, Graveyard Voters & Matthew 7:16)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 1: 2nd Amendment Bullshit)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 2: To Heller & Back)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 3: Collateral Damage)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 4: The Usual Suspects)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 5: More of the Usual)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 6: Da BIG Dawgs) [UNDER CONSTRUCTION
The Religious Wrong (pt 1: The Puritanical Years)
The Religious Wrong (pt 2: The Hateteenth Century)
The Religious Wrong (pt 3: The Great(?) Awakening)
The Repuglican War on Women (pt 1: Oh, my Akin Ryan)
The Repuglican War on Women (pt 2: Meanwhile, back in the states.)
The Repuglican War on Women (pt 2b (or not 2b): Meanwhile, back in the states. cont.) [UNDER CONSTRUCTION]
The Scurge(?) or Scourge(?) of Socialism
The Tea Potty (pt 1: The Early Years)
The Tea Potty (pt 10: Clowns & Commodians cont.)
The Tea Potty (pt 2: The “Knights” in Cotton Armor)
The Tea Potty (pt 3: Civil Rights, Civil Wrongs, Civil Rumps)
The Tea Potty (pt 4: From Vietnam to Ventura)
The Tea Potty (pt 5: Who the hell are these people?)
The Tea Potty (pt 6: In the beginning, there was Astro-Turf)
The Tea Potty (pt 7-The local Locos)
The Tea Potty (pt 8: Players & Takers)
The Tea Potty (pt 9-Clowns & Commodians)
The Theory of Evil-ution vs The Myth-ology of Creationism (pt 1)
The Theory of Evil-ution vs The Myth-ology of Creationism (pt 2)
There Are Not Two Sides To Every Story!
Too Many People Vote!
Why Do We Have The Most Powerful Military In The World? (No, Seriously. Why?) (pt 1)
Why Do We Have The Most Powerful Military In The World? (No, seriously. Why?) (pt 2)
Fryin’ Ryan – What You Really Need to Know About Paul Ryan (b.y.o. nausea pills)
Saturday, August 11, 2012:
That was the day the Republicans drove the final nail into their electoral coffin. Not that Willard was going to win anyway. His campaign was a rolling disaster, and had been for months.
His own base could barely stand him. He campaigned on the basis of his “business experience”, but he didn’t want you to look at that too closely. According to him, he was a “job creator”. And in fairness, he was. He created jobs in China, in India, in Mexico and several other countries. In the U.S. – not so much! In the U.S. he created profits, which he then outsourced to Swiss bank accounts and the Cayman Islands.
His father, whom I have always been a fan of, released 12 years of tax returns when he ran for President. Willard released one year of incomplete returns and part of another. If he had been nominated for a cabinet post, that wouldn’t even meet the requirements for Senate confirmation.
And then there was Harry Reid.When pressed on all sides (including Republican and conservative leaders) he steadfastly refused to release more. At one point, he even claimed he didn’t have to because “I’m not a business”. (Although “Corporations are people too, my friend!”) Resisting all that pressure from every side, it became very obvious that there had to be a major deal breaker hidden in there. Something so odious that exposure would kill his campaign and perhaps have even more serious consequences.
Then he took off on his tour of England, Israel & Poland to highlight his foreign policy skills and to watch his horse (a $77,731 tax credit) dance in the Olympics.
He promptly managed to screw up in all three countries.
He insulted his hosts in England several times (and they’re our closest ally). He was promptly denounced as being “…a car crash…worse than Sarah Palin” (Sarah Palin, for craps sake! Damn! You can’t get much lower than that!)
In Israel he managed to roil tensions by claiming Israelis had a superior culture compared to the Palestinians. (I guess they got extra points for their brand of apartheid.
Of course, to his credit, and to the consternation of the bagger boys back home, he did praise Israel’s health care system. “When our health care costs are completely out of control. Do you realize what health care spending is as a percentage of the GDP in Israel? 8 percent. You spend 8 percent of GDP on health care. And you’re a pretty healthy nation”. Israel’s health care system is #4 in the world. We’re #1 in medical costs with 18% of GDP, but only ranked 38th in quality. Israeli health care is socialist right down to its individual mandate.
(For more on the horrors of Socialism check out “The Scurge(?) or Scourge(?) of Socialism” right next door.)
In Poland, Willard outsourced his gaffes to his spokesman, who told reporters to “Show some respect!” and “Kiss my ass!” at the Polish Tomb of the Unknown Soldier.
All in all, not a good summer for Willard. (His “magic underwear”* didn’t extend all the way up to his mouth, so I guess it couldn’t help.) (* $77.00 on Ebay)
If Saint Ronnie was known as “The Gipper”, Saint Willard should be known as “The Gaffer”. Btw, in Mormonism, Willard is a saint, as are all members. LDS is short for Latter Day Saints. (Which, I guess, makes me an EX-saint, although “fallen angel” has a better ring to it.)
When he got home, there were three new polls showing him seven or more points behind. (Fox had him down by nine.)
Then there was the electoral college. Nate Silver, the most accurate political prognosticator in the country, had it 301.2 for Obama and 236.8 for Willard, with Obama rising and Willard heading off in the other direction.
Even worse, after Willard and his “independent” Super PACs had spent a couple hundred million in the “swing states” (Colorado, Iowa, Nevada, New Hampshire, North Carolina, Ohio, Pennsylvania, Virginia and Florida) he was losing them BIG TIME! The only one of the nine he was leading in (barely) was NC. And, as in the national polls, the swing states were swinging and not in a good way for Willard.
PANIC TIME!!!!!
It’s my unfounded belief (although, my gut thinks I’m right) that Willard had been planning on picking Rob Portman for Veep. As a person, I liked “T-Paw”, but he falls into the “always the bridesmaid” category. The rest of the list was primarily there for ego stroking and/or political advantage. I don’t think Paul Ryan was on Willard’s really short list until the last few days.
Anyway all that’s inconsequential now.
What happened was that the “big mouth boys” i.e. Rupert Murdoch (Wall Street Journal, Faux Noise, etc); Rich Lowry (The National Review); and Bill Kristol (The Weekly Standard) all started pushing Paulie, aided by a bunch of the “big buck boys” (See “The Tea Potty (pt 8)“)
I can only speculate as to the rationale for the Paulie push, but I have come up with a reasonable scenario:
The “bigs” may be (and are) a lot of things, but THEY ARE NOT DUMB. (They just think you are.) They knew that Willard was a loser. So, they decided that they might as well salvage something out of this shipwreck and start planning for 2016.
In Republican Presidential politics there’s a certain pattern. Usually the #2 person in the previous cycle becomes the front-runner in the next one. (Yes, I know Sister Sarah was the Veep pick in the last cycle, but she was that other type of “number two”.) Willard was #2 in the primaries.
As for Sister Sarah? She’s “persona non grata” in this cycle’s Republican Incest Fest. So are Michele Bachmann, Herman Cain, Ron Paul, Rick Perry and several other members of the “Tinfoil Hat Brigade”. (The Repubs don’t want you remembering how whacko they really are.) “Bush League & Company” is not on the guest list either. (They also don’t want you remembering the assholes that got us into all these messes in the first place.)
Enter stage (far) right: Paul Ryan (Oops, hold that thought for one more paragraph. There’s one last bit of groundwork to lay.)
After the election, several segments of the Repugs are going to claim they didn’t win because their candidate wasn’t conservative enough. (Willard kissed their conservative behinds often enough, but I guess he didn’t stick his tongue in far enough.)
Ok, now!
Enter stage (far) right: Paul Ryan!
ta-dah?
Throughout most of American history, Veeps were chosen for ideological or geographical balance and/or electoral advantage. The last time that actually worked was back with Kennedy/Johnson in 1960, although a slight argument could be made for Clinton/Gore in “92.
Paulie will help a little with the fringe right, but they were mostly going to hold their nose and vote for Willard anyway. (Once you’ve won 50.1% of Georgia’s “good ol’ boy” vote, 50.2% isn’t going to do you any more good. Extra Bubbas don’t make it better.) As for Paulie bringing Wisconsin into the “blue column”? Normally, a Veep pic is worth a 1 to 2% uptick in the vote statewide. Currently, Willard is around 6 points behind. 2 ain’t gonna do him a damn bit of good.
It’s possible that the “bigs” saw him as Willard’s Cheney. I kind of doubt that, because I think winning had already been heavily discounted. Plus, if Hell does freeze over, Willard’s ego is way too huge to take a backseat to Paulie.
So, why do the “bigs” like Paulie? For one thing, he’s their kinda guy. Both he and Willard were, as Barry Switzer once put it, “born on third and thought they hit a triple.” But, unlike “ol’ etch-a-sketch”, Paulie’s views are shiftless. He’s a lifelong Ayn Rand fanboy. “The reason I got involved in public service, by and large, if I had to credit one thinker, one person, it would be Ayn Rand.”
(Although, I wonder if he knows that Ayn lived on social security and medicare assistance in her later years.)
And, just who is Paulie? “By their deeds, you shall know them.” (That quote is actually a bastardisation of Matthew 7:16 “You shall know them by their fruits”. However, as we all know, “fruits” is a pejorative word in the tea bagger lexicon and “bastards” only applies to liberals.)
Anyway, lets take a look at those “deeds”:
◾For starters, in 13 years in congress, he’s actually had two of his bills passed. One of those was a change in the excise tax on arrows from 39 cents an arrow to 12.4% of the sales price. (He’s a bowhunter.) The other one was a bill to change the name of a post office. Let’s see…. at $174,000 per year times 13 years, divided by two bills………..That comes to $1,131,000 per bill. (A fine use of taxpayer money.)
◾He’s anti-tax. That is, he’s anti-tax if you’re rich. If you’re poor or even middle class, he thinks you’re just not holding up your end and you need to dig deeper. He wants to extend the Bush league cuts for the rich, but dump the Obama tax cuts for the poor and middle class. He also wants to eliminate, or at least, severely cut tax deductions for mortgage interest, health insurance premiums and charitable contributions. (If she wasn’t still alive when he was born, I’d swear that Paulie is Ayn reincarnated.)
◾He’s a deficit hawk. He’s such a deficit hawk that he wants to cut $120 billion from discretionary funding (You know, things like food inspection, the environment, health services, education, transportation, urban development.) and $284 billion from mandatory funding (That would be Social Security, Medicare and Medicaid.) in the next two years. And, he doesn’t give a damn about any silly collateral damage like the loss of over 4 million jobs.
◾Now, he’s not an absolute, down and dirty, 100% total deficit hawk. He does want us to keep giving our tax dollars to “Big Oil”. (As if they already weren’t the richest industry in the world.) In 2011 he voted to keep giving them $40 billion dollars over the next decade (H J RES 44). Of course, the fact that he’s heavily invested in the industry has absolutely nothing to do with it. (Or, does it?)
◾Getting back to his deficit hawk side. (I’d call it his “Mr. Hyde” side, but so far I haven’t found a “Dr. Jekyll” side.) He thinks Social Security is a Ponzi scheme. Since 2005 he’s been pushing to privatize S.S. (i.e. Everyone would invest in stocks and bonds.) Can you imagine the consequences if S.S. had been privatized in 2008 when the market went into free fall?
◾He wants to kill Medicare, with its single-payer system and replace it with a voucher program to help you buy insurance coverage. The program would even expand each year to compensate for overall inflation. Problem is, health care costs have been rising far faster than overall inflation for the last several decades. So over the next few years, out-of-pocket costs per year could rise several thousand dollars. (Florida just morphed dark blue.)
◾As for Medicaid, according to CBS News. 44 million people would lose coverage under Paulie’s “Path to Prosperity”.
◾While we’re on the general subject of health care, Paulie is a “Personhood” pusher. He believes that there should be a law that guarantees fertilized eggs have the same rights as people. Personhood bills are so extreme, (They would even ban birth control pills.) that Mississippi rejected theirs and Colorado said no twice with over 40% margins both times. (Mississippi?? Hell, if it won’t float in ol’ Miss, then the Republicans really do have a “woman problem”, even with their own.) Nevada and Florida couldn’t even get enough signatures to get it on the ballot and Virginia and Oklahoma Republican legislatures decided to kick it forward until after the elections. But, minor setbacks like this don’t bother our Paulie. In fact, he co-sponsored a bill (H.R. 212) that would make “Personhood” the law of the land. Here, he and Willard are on the same page, as are the rest of the Republican troglodytes (I’ll be covering this type of garbage in a lot greater depth in my upcoming “War On Women” post. Stay tuned gender fans.)
◾Oh, and btw, he doesn’t think a woman is worth as much as a man. He voted against the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act. (In his defense, so did almost every other Republican.)
◾And, if you’re a single mom, he thinks the government coddles you too much, so he wants to cut the Child Tax Credit. Mothers working full-time for minimum wage ($14,500 a year) would lose more than $1,500 a year. (Child nutrition is overrated anyway.)
◾Food stamps, a program that has gotten a few million families through some pretty rough times would be cut by $134 billion over the next few years. (Hey, there’s plenty of dumpsters with old food just laying there for the taking.)
◾If you’re a parent that wants your children to have the benefit of a good education, how does a 1/3 cut in educational spending sound to you? (Damn teachers make too much money anyway. Millionaires could make a lot better use of that money.)
So, that’s pretty much Paulie (and the Repugs) in a nut shell. (Emphasis on nut.) If you’re rich or nostalgic for the ’50′s (the 1850′s) then he’s your man. Otherwise, you just might want to hold your nose and vote Democratic this time around. (Who knows, if they get beaten bad enough, they just might wake up and smell the skunk cabbage.)
Grouchy
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8 thoughts on “Fryin’ Ryan – What You Really Need to Know About Paul Ryan (b.y.o. nausea pills)”
Constance on August 14, 2012 at 11:05 said:
Good job Dave.
Reply ↓
Daveon August 14, 2012 at 11:11 said:
Thanks Connie. I appreciate that very much. This was a fun post to do, but they are a bit of work with all the research, blah, blah & blah. Seriously, thank you once again. Favorable comments keep my nose to the grindstone. (But, damn, it’s hard to type in that position.)
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David on August 14, 2012 at 11:15 said:
Enjoyed the post Grouchy. I believe we may be kindred spirits. You may enjoy this on your topic:
http://wordsofwhizdumb.com/2012/08/saving-private-ryan.html
Reply ↓
Daveon August 14, 2012 at 11:20 said:
Thanks David. I will check out your post. Who knows? Maybe we can gang up on the bad guys.
Reply ↓
Melody on August 14, 2012 at 11:29 said:
Food stamps, a program that has gotten a few million families through some pretty rough times would be cut by $134 billion over the next few years. (Hey, there’s plenty of dumpsters with old food just laying there for the taking.)
I heard that in Spain, food outlets are being required to lock-up the dumpsters because of the fights that are breaking out among ‘contestants’ in the dumpster-diving arena! After food stamps are cut here, will we, too, see our dumpsters padlocked against the hoards of hungry people!
Reply ↓
Daveon August 14, 2012 at 11:45 said:
Melody, I really think, with the coming Republican electoral debacle, that threats of extreme cuts to popular social programs are going to fade quite a bit. Maybe, not in word, but definitely in action.
Remember the 1st commandment in politics is “Get thyself elected”. The 2nd one is “Get thyself reelected”. Social cuts are NOT good political platform planks.
Reply ↓
Anne Parker on August 14, 2012 at 11:44 said:
First time reader, cannot say “Thank you ” LOUD enough. Looking forward to the War on Women issue
Reply ↓
Daveon August 14, 2012 at 11:49 said:
Thank you Anne. Check out some of my other posts.You might find something you like in there. And, if you just happen to get the urge, Friend my “Grouchy’s Grumbles” page on FaceBook. Giggles guaranteed! (Or, at least hoped for.)
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Grumbles From an Old Grouch
"I'm not everybody's 'cuppa tea'…….But, then again, I don't try to be!"
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Home
A Bit About Me (As if you really, really give a shit)
Biblical Beasts & Boogymen [UNDER CONSTRUCTION]
Fryin’ Ryan – What You Really Need to Know About Paul Ryan (b.y.o. nausea pills)
Mormonism: “The Big Con?” A “Religious Wrong” Special Report (pt 1)
Mormonism: “The Big Con?” A “Religious Wrong” Special Report (pt 2)
Mormonism: “The Big Con?” A “Religious Wrong” Special Report (pt 3)
Mormonism: “The Big Con?” A “Religious Wrong” SpecialReport (pt 4) [UNDER CONSTRUCTION]
Repugnut Thoughts (Mine, not theirs (pt. 1))
Repugnut Thoughts (pt. 2: The Turd Blossom Rationalizations)
Repugnut Thoughts (pt. 3: Ayn Rand, Graveyard Voters & Matthew 7:16)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 1: 2nd Amendment Bullshit)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 2: To Heller & Back)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 3: Collateral Damage)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 4: The Usual Suspects)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 5: More of the Usual)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 6: Da BIG Dawgs) [UNDER CONSTRUCTION
The Religious Wrong (pt 1: The Puritanical Years)
The Religious Wrong (pt 2: The Hateteenth Century)
The Religious Wrong (pt 3: The Great(?) Awakening)
The Repuglican War on Women (pt 1: Oh, my Akin Ryan)
The Repuglican War on Women (pt 2: Meanwhile, back in the states.)
The Repuglican War on Women (pt 2b (or not 2b): Meanwhile, back in the states. cont.) [UNDER CONSTRUCTION]
The Scurge(?) or Scourge(?) of Socialism
The Tea Potty (pt 1: The Early Years)
The Tea Potty (pt 10: Clowns & Commodians cont.)
The Tea Potty (pt 2: The “Knights” in Cotton Armor)
The Tea Potty (pt 3: Civil Rights, Civil Wrongs, Civil Rumps)
The Tea Potty (pt 4: From Vietnam to Ventura)
The Tea Potty (pt 5: Who the hell are these people?)
The Tea Potty (pt 6: In the beginning, there was Astro-Turf)
The Tea Potty (pt 7-The local Locos)
The Tea Potty (pt 8: Players & Takers)
The Tea Potty (pt 9-Clowns & Commodians)
The Theory of Evil-ution vs The Myth-ology of Creationism (pt 1)
The Theory of Evil-ution vs The Myth-ology of Creationism (pt 2)
There Are Not Two Sides To Every Story!
Too Many People Vote!
Why Do We Have The Most Powerful Military In The World? (No, Seriously. Why?) (pt 1)
Why Do We Have The Most Powerful Military In The World? (No, seriously. Why?) (pt 2)
Mormonism: “The Big Con?” A “Religious Wrong” Special Report (pt 1)
Before I get into Mormons, or as it informally calls itself, the LDS Church, I better restate my “I used to be one of them critters” disclaimer.
Yes folks, I was a “saint”! A latter day saint, to be specific. That’s what the LDS stands for. The church’s full name is “The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.
However, I grew up and now I’m an ex-Saint. A practicing Mormon might call me a “Jack Mormon”, but I prefer to think of myself as a “fallen angel”.
The following is a history of the early Mormon Church (complete with snarks). Believe it or not, almost all my source material comes from them. However, this is not the stuff they taught me back in my 4 years in seminary. Some of this is stuff they didn’t want to talk about at all!
But to be fair (for a change) the rise of Mormonism needs to be placed in context. I highly recommend you read “The Religious Wrong (pt 3: The Great(?) Awakening)” first. Better yet, since the context needs context, start with pt 1 and work your way back here. They’re fun reads, unless of course, you’re a “fundy” or a “bagger”. Then…..not so much.
Also, this post is not a slam on some of my good Mormon brethren & sisteren. (Is that a word?) As with all “religions” there are members who earnestly try to make this a better world. Unfortunately, as with all “religions” this one has its share of bigots and assholes as well. Although, lately they’ve lightened up a bit on blacks and transferred their hate to the LGBT community. (However, they do LOVE American Indians!)
Any excuse for a little “Satchmo”!
Mormon Chronology
Joseph Smith (1805-1844)—
Joseph Smith (1805-1844)
Joseph Smith Jr. is born in Sharon Vermont. (12/23/1805)
The Smith family is rather itinerant, due to various failed business and farming ventures. In the warm weather, Joe Sr. and the older brothers (Hyrum & Alvin) like to go treasure hunting. (Which just might be part of the reason for those failures.)
Unfortunately, they don’t have any maps with “X” marking the spot. However, they do have divination tools. Among those tools are seer stones. Now, in order to get that “special sight” the stones are supposed convey, they have to be viewed in the bottom of a hat. (I shit you not!)
After three crop failures in a row, the Smith family moves to Palmyra, New York. (1816) Palmyra is right in the middle of the “Burned-Over District“, a hotbed of evangelical fervor. (Or fever, if you prefer.)
The 1st Vision
1st Vision Joe Jr. supposedly is confused with all the different religions with their conflicting “truths”, so he decides to take a walk in the woods to sort it out. Smith tells several different versions about when it happens. In one, he claims he was 14. (1819) Another time he was 16. (1821) Another time he split the difference. (1820)
According to the stories, he witnesses a pillar of light (a sunbeam?) descending from the sky and out pops Big Daddy and J.C.. (Hmmm, I wonder what kind of mushrooms were in season?)
They proceed to inform him that all the religions have drifted from “THE TRUTH”, and are essentially various piles of crap and stay away from them. Later, when he tells a local minister what Big Daddy said, for some reason the minister takes umbrage. (I can’t imagine why.)
Now, here’s the part that floors me. To explain, I’ll resort to one of my infamous “Grouchy Scenarios”:
For this one, you’re Joe Jr.. You’ve just had a close encounter of the third kind with God and Jesus. Not only that, but they went out of their way to come down and talk to you personally. Do you: 1) drop everything and devote your life and all your energies to these guys; or 2) go on pretty much as if nothing had happened?
Jr. chooses door #2!
He tells his family, the minister and a few others (who basically laugh at him). Other than that, every thing goes on as normal. He continues farming with the family and going treasure hunting with daddy’s stones. In fact, he doesn’t come up with a detailed description of the event until 1839. (Kinda makes you wonder…..)
But, here’s the kicker: Not only did several family members subsequently join the Presbyterian Church, Joe Jr. applied with the Methodists in 1828.
Joe Jr. gets a night-time visit from an “angel” named Moroni. (9/21/1823) Btw, Mormon angels don’t have wings. I guess they teleport or something. (Maybe they borrow floo powder or a portkey from Harry.) Little Golden BookMoroni tells him that there’s a book written on “Golden Plates” that are buried on Cumorah Hill, conveniently located just a short hike south.
The next day, Jr. digs up the plates. (9/22/1823) but Moroni tells him he can’t have them for four years. Not only that, but he has to show up every year on this date for further instructions.
A couple of years later (1825) Jr. & Sr. Smith go treasure hunting in Harmony PA. They never find any treasure, but Jr. finds Emma Hale.
The local fuzz bust Jr. for fraudulent use of seer stones. (3/1826) He’s arrested, jailed, and examined in court in Bainbridge, New York on the charge of being “a disorderly person and an impostor” (Can you say “scam artist”?) in connection with his use of a seer stone to search for buried treasure. The evidence indicates he’s found guilty but he’s apparently released on the condition that he leave the area. Quinn, pp. 44ff.; and H. Michael Marquardt and Wesley P. Walters, Inventing Mormonism: Tradition and the Historical Record (Salt Lake City: Smith Research Associates, 1994), pp. 70ff.
This event goes on right in the middle of the time Jr. is receiving “heavenly instructions” on how to con, excuse me, “save” the world.
The church used to deny this ever happened. Even going so far as to say: “if this court record is authentic, it is the most damning evidence in existence against Joseph Smith.” Hugh W. Nibley, The Myth Makers (Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1961), p. 142.
In 1971, the original court records were found. And, they were authentic!
Two years after they meet, Jr. & Emma elope to get married. (1/18/1827) (Emma’s daddy doesn’t much care for Jr. and Big Daddy must be a mite pissed at Jr. as well, their first three children die on the day they are born.) Emma is to play a major role in the early church, and another role after her husband dies. More on those down the timeline.
Joe finally gets his hands on the “golden plates”, (10/22/1827)
(Now that he’s married, I’ll drop the Jr. but I think I know him well enough to call him Joe.) but is told he can’t show them to anyone. (Always a convenient excuse.) He does show his mother a pair of specs with gemstones for lenses. The stones are to be used to translate the plates, since the plates are written in “Reformed Egyptian”. Unfortunately, no other examples of this language have ever been found (or even heard of).
The gemstones, believe it or not, (and, I don’t) are the Urim & Thummim of Old Testament fame. They pop up several times: Exodus 28:30; Leviticus 8:8; Ezra 2:63; Nehemiah 7:65 & Deuteronomy 33:8 with Urim doing a solo in Numbers 27:21 & 1 Samuel 28:6. They were usually associated with the High Priest’s breastplate. Priestly Garments
Rumors of a Golden Bible started getting around the neighborhood and Joe & Emma decide to split before someone comes looking for it. A neighbor (Martin Harris) gives them some money and they hightail it back to Harmony with the plates, as the story goes, hidden in a barrel of beans. (12/1827) (I’ll refrain from any “spill the beans” jokes, although it’s extremely tempting.)
The Magic Translation
Safely ensconced in a small house on Emma’s daddy’s property, the work commences. Joe “translates” the plates, with Emma writing down his translation.
And, this is where it gets a smidgin confusing to yours truly. Allow me to elucidate:
Joe has the plates and the U&T specs. Logically, one would assume that Joe would put on the specs, look through the U&T lenses at the plates and commence to translate.
WRONG!!!
Remember back early in this saga, when I mentioned the use of a hat to get that “special sight”? Well, that’s the way he translates the plates. Instead of looking at them, he translates them by looking into his hat.
Don’t take my word for it. Here’s how Emma describes the scene to one of her sons (Joe III): “In writing for your father I frequently wrote day after day, often sitting at the table close by him, he sitting with his face buried in his hat, with the stone in it, and dictating hour after hour with nothing between us.” History of the RLDS Church, 8 vols. Independence, Missouri: Herald House, 1951. Last Testimony of Sister Emma, 3:356Working the StonesIn other words, he pulls “The Book of Mormon” out of his hat!
Also, in a bit of foreshadowing, you might notice something interesting about that reference source. R you up to figuring it out? If not, we’ll get reorganized in an episode or two.
As for the plates themselves, they weren’t even in the room. According to Emma’s daddy, “The manner in which he pretended to read and interpret, was the same as when he looked for the money-diggers, with a stone in his hat, and his hat over his face, while the Book of Plates were at the same time hid in the woods.”. Affidavit of Isaac Hale dated March 20, 1834, cited in Rodger I. Anderson, Joseph Smith’s New York Reputation Reexamined, (Salt Lake City: Signature Books, 1990), pp. 126-128.
You’ll notice in both accounts, there’s no mention of the “gemstone specs”. They both refer to a singular stone in the bottom of his hat. I wonder if this the same stone, or its brother, that got him busted back in ’26?
The Lost “Book of Lehi”
Martin Harris (1783-1875)—
Martin Harris (1783-1875)
Martin Harris travels to Harmony (4/1828) and takes over writing Joe’s translation dictation. Marty is ……….oh …… what’s the polite word?……oh yah. “Interesting”. An impolite description would sound something like “A bit of a loon.” (Multiple examples forthcoming.)
Marty sort of cleans up the single stone/U&T specs confusion by saying that the stone isn’t the Urim or the Thummin, It’s just Joe’s old “seer stone”.
Over the next couple of months they write “The Book of Lehi”, 116 pages in total. This is to be the first book in the BoM. At this point, Marty takes the 116 pages back to Palmyra to show his wife what he’s up to.
And…..he….”LOSES” THEM!
Two month’s translation effort of holy(?) words, and they’re not important enough to keep track of? Or even to make a back-up copy????
After a couple of months, Joe wonders what the hell happened to Marty. He heads back to Palmyra to find out.
He finds out!
He also finds out Big Daddy ain’t too tickled with the situation. BD teleports one of his angels to take back the plates. (Not to worry, fairy tale fans, it’s only temporary.)
Joe gets the plates back. (10/22/1828)
So at this point it should be a simple matter just to retranslate the missing pages and press on with the rest of the translation.
Right?
Evidently not! There are a couple of problems here: One’s real and one’s not-so-real. And, of course, the not-so-real problem is the one the church hides behind.
Before I tackle those, let me step out of the narrative for a moment.
This situation exposes one aspect of a much larger question: Where did the BoM really come from? In researching these posts, I’ve run across some solid arguments, with some rather persuasive evidence, that it has a less than holy origin.
My problem as a blogger, is that I am a blogger, and not a book writer. And, to really explore this particular question in-depth is going to take something more book length than blog length. Characters like Sidney Rigdon and Oliver Cowdery (whom you’re about to meet) figure into it along with some published and non-published books that were written prior to 1828. And then there’s related issues like “The Book of Abraham”. “The Kinderhook Plates” and the “Greek Psalter Incident”.
So, instead of exploring all of these in depth as I’d like to, I’m going to provide links to my information sources as I go along, and you can investigate at your pleasure.
Ok, back to the narrative!
First, let’s tackle the “not-so-real” problem that the church likes so much:
According to the church, this episode is Satan’s plan to trap Joe and destroy the church before it even gets started. They know this, because that’s what Big Daddy told Joe. (Or, at least that’s what Joe says BD told him.)
BD said that wicked men had altered the manuscript . So, if Joe retranslates the lost pages, they will claim he’s a phony because he can’t duplicate the original.
There’s one HUGE problem with this cop-out: Martin Harris wrote down the translation in ink on foolscap. Any changes would be immediately noticeable, and if they rewrote the 116 pages, it would be pretty easy to spot as a forgery since it wouldn’t have been in Marty’s handwriting.
Now, the real problem:
Lucy Harris (1792-1836)—
Lucy Harris (1792-1836)
Marty probably didn’t really lose the 116 pages. The evidence seems to suggest that his wife Lucy purloined them. (For you baggers reading this, purloined means stole.) Most researchers agree that she probably promptly burns them.
But Joe just can’t take the chance of them being gone forever. In Joe’s mind, the “wicked men” are Lucy. Lucy can’t stand her husband’s “Mormonite” friends, as she calls them. She thinks they’re frauds and phonies. And, it’s Lucy that’s setting a trap.
However, keep in mind that it’s only a trap if the whole thing is a scam, since any alteration or rewriting of the original would be immediately noticed.
Fortunately, BD knew thousands of years ago that this was going to happen. He had one of his profits prophets write a whole second book that covered the same things the “Book of Lehi” covered, only in different words and not quite the detail.
Viola! Problem solved. No way to compare texts. No way to prove Joe lied through his hat.
Oliver Cowdery (1806-1850)—
Oliver Cowdery (1806-1850)
Oliver Cowdery comes to Harmony and takes up Harris’ old job as secretary. (4/5/1829) Ollie tells Joe that he’s already seen the plates in a “vision” aka “state of altered consciousness”. (Carlos Castaneda would be so proud.) And, it turns out that Ollie, like his cousin Joe, is a treasure hunter. Ollie even has his own divining rod.
Ollie’s description of the translation process doesn’t mention the hat, but the U&T is back and being used. (Probably just needed a little “spiritual refurbishment”.)
To further confuse the confusion, after 1833 the gemstones (the U&T) are somehow integrated into the hat stone, so that now, there’s just the one stone. Which, the church says, is safely tucked away. In other words, if they really, really wanted to prove the authenticity of the magic stone’s translation ability, they could do it? (Hmmmm.)
The Return of the Holy Ghosts
Joe & Ollie head out to the woods to pray and John the Baptist shows up. (5/15/1829) (Must be mushroom season again.) Big John confers the Aaronic priesthood on them. He tells them that the Melchizedek priesthood will also be making a comeback, but not quite yet.
In fact, no one knows when the Melchizedek priesthood comes back. Joe never tells anyone how or when it happens.
LDS theologians think it happened sometime before the church was established a few months later, since part of the initial church organization included “Elders”, and Elder is the lowest rank of the Melchizedek. Other than that tidbit, they don’t have a clue.
The Melchizedek is considered the senior priesthood, with the Aaronic being the junior. Nowadays, the Aaronic is primarily for male teenagers. (Went up through the ranks myself.) Back when I was a Mormon, it was for WHITE male teenagers. At 19, you graduate to Elder.
Big John also tells them that Joe will be the 1st Elder of the Church and Ollie the 2nd. Joe & Ollie then proceed to baptize each other in the Susquehanna. (I’m not quite sure why Big John doesn’t do the honors. After all, he’s the pro.)
A bit later, Joe & Ollie are praying in the woods, and who drops by to chat? Peter, Paul & Mary! (Oops, sorry ’bout that!) I mean Peter, James & John. Still, all-in-all, some pretty heavy hitters. (Damn! I have got to find out what type of mushrooms are native to the area.)
The translation’s finished, (6/1829) and Joe gets a copyright for The Book of Mormon.
Next episode, things start rolling. There’s some “witnessing”. We meet most of the early players. The book is printed. The church is organized. The fun begins.
Until then, take care.
Grouchy
p.s. There are 14 varieties of “magic mushrooms” that grow in New York state.
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Grumbles From an Old Grouch
"I'm not everybody's 'cuppa tea'…….But, then again, I don't try to be!"
Search
Main menu
Skip to primary content
Skip to secondary content
Home
A Bit About Me (As if you really, really give a shit)
Biblical Beasts & Boogymen [UNDER CONSTRUCTION]
Fryin’ Ryan – What You Really Need to Know About Paul Ryan (b.y.o. nausea pills)
Mormonism: “The Big Con?” A “Religious Wrong” Special Report (pt 1)
Mormonism: “The Big Con?” A “Religious Wrong” Special Report (pt 2)
Mormonism: “The Big Con?” A “Religious Wrong” Special Report (pt 3)
Mormonism: “The Big Con?” A “Religious Wrong” SpecialReport (pt 4) [UNDER CONSTRUCTION]
Repugnut Thoughts (Mine, not theirs (pt. 1))
Repugnut Thoughts (pt. 2: The Turd Blossom Rationalizations)
Repugnut Thoughts (pt. 3: Ayn Rand, Graveyard Voters & Matthew 7:16)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 1: 2nd Amendment Bullshit)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 2: To Heller & Back)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 3: Collateral Damage)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 4: The Usual Suspects)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 5: More of the Usual)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 6: Da BIG Dawgs) [UNDER CONSTRUCTION
The Religious Wrong (pt 1: The Puritanical Years)
The Religious Wrong (pt 2: The Hateteenth Century)
The Religious Wrong (pt 3: The Great(?) Awakening)
The Repuglican War on Women (pt 1: Oh, my Akin Ryan)
The Repuglican War on Women (pt 2: Meanwhile, back in the states.)
The Repuglican War on Women (pt 2b (or not 2b): Meanwhile, back in the states. cont.) [UNDER CONSTRUCTION]
The Scurge(?) or Scourge(?) of Socialism
The Tea Potty (pt 1: The Early Years)
The Tea Potty (pt 10: Clowns & Commodians cont.)
The Tea Potty (pt 2: The “Knights” in Cotton Armor)
The Tea Potty (pt 3: Civil Rights, Civil Wrongs, Civil Rumps)
The Tea Potty (pt 4: From Vietnam to Ventura)
The Tea Potty (pt 5: Who the hell are these people?)
The Tea Potty (pt 6: In the beginning, there was Astro-Turf)
The Tea Potty (pt 7-The local Locos)
The Tea Potty (pt 8: Players & Takers)
The Tea Potty (pt 9-Clowns & Commodians)
The Theory of Evil-ution vs The Myth-ology of Creationism (pt 1)
The Theory of Evil-ution vs The Myth-ology of Creationism (pt 2)
There Are Not Two Sides To Every Story!
Too Many People Vote!
Why Do We Have The Most Powerful Military In The World? (No, Seriously. Why?) (pt 1)
Why Do We Have The Most Powerful Military In The World? (No, seriously. Why?) (pt 2)
Mormonism: “The Big Con?” A “Religious Wrong” Special Report (pt 2)
When last we left Joe, Ollie, Marty and the various “Holy Ghosts”, Joe had just finished “translating” the Book of Mormon and had gotten it copyrighted. (I guess they didn’t check for plagiarism.)
I mentioned last post that Marty mortgaged part of his farm to pay BoM printing costs. What I didn’t mention was the reason. Seems Big Daddy has a talk with Joe and tells him that Marty will suffer “GOD’S PUNISHMENT“ if he doesn’t pony up the Benjamins to print the book. (Two quick thoughts: 1 Why is Big Daddy always broke? Hell, he can create gold by farting a certain way. Why does he always want ours? He can’t spend it. Maybe he eats it. Who knows? 2 Isn’t it handy to be the only one B.D. chats up? I mean, who’s to say what you say isn’t what he said. A touch more on that later.)
Before we get to the fun stuff, lets take a quick gander at the BoM. It’s reputed to be the saga of various bands of Israelis that sailed boats (In one case, a submarine) from the Middle East, all the way to South America. It then traces the history of their descendants (aka “First Nations”, “Native Americans” or “Indians”).
Unfortunately, there are more than a few glaring errors in the narrative:
1.First of all, it is not backed up by DNA evidence which clearly shows a direct descent from Eastern Asians, not Semitic Asians. FAIL!
2.The BoM says that the descendents had chariots. FAIL! The wheel was unknown in the Western Hemisphere.
3.The BoM’s 2nd Book of Nephi, which was supposedly written around 590 BCE, uses the word “Bible“. FAIL! There was no “Bible” in 590 BCE. The Pentateuch had barely been written around 621 BCE, but the Bible was still just a gleam in Big Daddy’s eyes.
4.Ether 9:31-33 tells the tale of cattle-herding snakes. FAIL!
5.The BoM claims horses were used as “beasts of burden”. FAIL! There were no horses in Pre-Columbian America, and hadn’t been since the Pleistocene Era.
Early_Horse_Mesohippus—
Mesohippus
6.Speaking of non-existent animals, Ether 9:19 says elephants were also used. FAIL! There never were elephants in America. There had been mammoths and mastodons, but they’d been extinct for about 6,000 years.
7.The BoM also mentions domestic cattle. FAIL! Not in the new world. (This is getting monotonous.)
8.The BoM details fighting with steel swords. FAIL! There were no metal weapons of any kind used in the WH.final-fantasy-sword-envy
9.The BoM says dark skin is a “loathsome” curse, because either you or one of your ancestors screwed up. However, righteous living will cause your skin to become white and “delightsome.” FAIL! FAIL! (and one more for good measure) FAIL!
10.There are a lot more problems, inaccuracies, inconsistencies and downright lies, but I think you’ve got a handle on the situation.
There has been speculation that Joe “translated” the BoM for other than altruistic reasons. One reason for the speculation might be because he tried to sell the rights to the book, right after it was published. (However, nobody was buying his story.)
Now, on with the show.
Mormon ChronologyCONTINUED
Can I get a witness?
Late in June, Joe, Ollie, Marty and David Whitmer retire to the woods. (6/28/1829) (Them mushrooms ain’t gonna harvest themselves.) While there, they’re visited by another angel and he has the plates with him. I guess Joe had already given them back.
Afterwards, they all sign a statement titled “Testimony of Three Witnesses” which is conveniently located at the beginning of every BoM.
Five days later (7/2/1829) eight more people: Christian Whitmer, Jacob Whitmer, Peter Whitmer Jr., John Whitmer, Hiram Page, Joe Sr., Hyrum Smith, & Samuel Smith “witness” the plates. All eight are members of the Smith or Whitmer families. Page is a Whitmer Bro-in-law.
Mary Whitmer claims Moroni shows her the plates as well, but she’s just a woman, so I guess she doesn’t count. Mrs Joe claims she felt the plates through a cloth, although she never exactly saw them. (Seems she didn’t peek in the bean barrel. No Pandora, she.)
Unfortunately, a few problems with all this “witnessing” keep popping up.
For starters, if you’ve read the “Tot3W”, you’ll notice that it seems to insinuate that the plates were seen, but it really doesn’t say how they were seen. (Don’t laugh, this becomes important.) There are an incredible number of “weasel words” in there that allow you to draw whatever conclusion is convenient for your point of view.
And then, there’s the “I can’t seem to keep the story straight” problem.
Let’s start with Marty. You might remember that last post I compared Marty to my favorite bird. (If you’ve ever camped out by a northern alpine lake and listened to the haunting serenade of the loons, you’ll know why I love ‘em.)LoonsBut, actually, I was referring to the other usage of the word. You know, “crazy as a ……”
His belief in earthly visitations of angels and ghosts gives him the reputation of being a few french fries short of a Happy Meal. Here’s what some of the people who know him have to say about Marty: “a great man for seeing spooks” (Lorenzo Saunders); “a visionary fanatic” (Jesse Townsend); “overbalanced by marvellousness” (Pomeroy Tucker). Pomeroy Tucker reminiscence, 1858, in Vogel 1996-2003, 3: 71
For instance, during a break in translation transcribing, Marty takes a 2 or 3 mile “walk & talk” with J.C.. Of course, J.C. is in the form of a deer, but “talking with him as familiarly as one man talks with another”. John A. Clark letter, August 31, 1840
Another time Marty has also seen the Devil, whom he describes as “a very sleek haired fellow with four feet, and a head like that of a Jack-ass.” Vogel,EMD 2: 271, note 32.
And, he always seems to know whenever YHWH (Big Daddy) or J.C. stops by to take in a Sunday sermon, even if nobody else can see them.
Then there’s the time when Marty encounters J.C. poised up on a roof beam. Ronald W. Walker, “Martin Harris: Mormonism’s Early Convert,” Dialogue: A Journal of Mormon Thought 19 (Winter 1986): 34-35. I have absolutely no clue as to what J.C.’s doing on the roof . Maybe he heard the drinks were on the house? (Ooooh sorry. That was a bad one, even for me.)
Ok, I think you probably get the picture. Marty may not be the best choice for a credible witness. But, I guess you go with what you’ve got. (More right after the timeline bump.)
Marty gives Joe $3,000 (A little shy of $64,000 in todays moolah.) (8/1829) to cover publishing costs of the BoM. To raise the money, Marty has to mortgage part of his farm, which is repossessed when he can’t pay it off.
At one point, the typesetter (John Gilbert) asks him “Martin, did you see those plates with your naked eyes?” Marty replies “No, I saw them with a spiritual eye!” John H. Gilbert, “Memorandum,” 8 September 1892, in EMD, 2: 54 (I’m not into “magic mushrooms”, so I usually see “with a spiritual eye” after 5 or 6 heavy hits on the bong.)
Later, in 1838 he testifies in court that neither he, nor any of the other “witnesses” ever physically saw the plates. Stephen Burnett to Luke S. Johnson, 15 April 1838, in Joseph Smith’s Letterbook, Early Mormon Documents 2: 290-92 Three of the 12 Mormon Apostles promptly leave the church. (Lotsa juicy detail coming up down the timeline.)
By 1853, he crosses back over to “Saw’em-Touched’em” Land. He tells David Dille that he held the 40-60 lb plates on his knee for “an hour-and-a-half” and handled them “plate after plate” Martin Harris interview with David B. Dille, 15 September 1853
Other than being a few frogs shy of a flap jack, what possible motivation could he have had for this charade?
In the winter of 1828, Marty and his wife visit his sister-in-law, Abigail. This is how Abigail describes one conversation: “… Martin Harris and Lucy Harris, his wife, were at my house. In conversation with the Mormonites, she observed that she wished her husband would quit them, as she believed it all false and a delusion. To which I heard Mr. Harris reply: ‘What if it is a lie; if you will let me alone I will make money out of it!’ I was both an eye and ear witness of what has been above stated, which is now fresh in my memory, and I speak the truth and lie not, God being my witness.” Lucy is on record as confirming the conversation.
Now, if you think I’m picking on Marty, I’m just using him as an example. There are problems and conflicts with all the testimonies.
David Whitmer said he saw the plates “by the eye of faith” (aka Psilocybe liniformans?) Psilocybeliniformans2Later, David said he found them lying in a field and even later said that they were laying on a table with other gold & brass plates, the Sword of Laban and our old friends, Urim & Thumim. Millennial Star, vol. XL, pp. 771-772
Joe publicly charged Ollie with lying, perjury and counterfeiting, among other crimes. Senate Document 189, Feb. 15, 1841, pp. 6-9 (And, of course, lots more on this coming up down the line.) However, everyone is supposed to believe him when he agrees with Joe?
Let me finish up on the “witnesses” with this little factoid: By 1847, all 11 “witnesses” leave the church. Not 1, not 3, but every last mother-humpin’ one of them. (Kinda tells you something right there!) Some come back later to enjoy their celebrity status or for some other non-altruistic reason, and some don’t.
Hi ho, hi ho, It’s off to church we go!
Joe publishes “The Book of Mormon.” (3/26/1830)
Eleven days later, starting with 30 suckers, I mean saints, Joe incorporates the “Church of Christ” in Fayette NY, or was it Manchester, NY? (Inquiring minds want to know.) (4/6/1830)
Nit picking time (Hey, they’re the church’s nits, not mine!) Part of the incorporation location confusion comes from the church claims prior to 1834 that it is in the Smith home in Manchester, (actually, the house is just north of the Palmyra town border) and then, after ’34, the official church version changes to the Peter Whitmer house in Fayette. Complicating it even more is the fact that no legal records of church incorporation exist in the Palmyra/Manchester area, the Fayette area, or anywhere else in the state. It seems this may not be a legal organization.
Wherever it is, it seems everyone has a great time, speaking in tongues, having visions, prophesying and fainting. Joseph Smith History, 1839 draft Also, Joe and Ollie are both ordained “as an apostle of Jesus Christ, an elder of the church”. This later gets modified so that Joe becomes “1st Elder” and Ollie becomes “2nd Elder”. (And, the power struggle begins.)
2nd nit: According to the church (ala Nephi 27:3-8) Christ’s true church is required to have his name on it. That raises a bit of a “sticky wicket”. (Always wanted to use that phrase, and btw a sticky wicket is a damp, soft pitch in cricket. So, who says my posts aren’t educational?) By that reckoning, it seems that between May 3, 1834 and April 1838, J.C. didn’t have a true church. During that time period, the name was changed to “The Church of the Latter Day Saints”. (No Christ, nowhere, nohow)
Holy Exorcism, Batman, Joe performs his 1st miracle! (6/9/1830). Yup, our boy Joe casts a devil “of uncommon size from a miserable man in the neighborhood of the ‘great bend’ of the Susquehannah.”. (At, least that’s what he claims.) Unfortunately this gets Joe hauled into court again. He’s charged with performing an exorcism, but he’s acquitted. Would love to be a fly on the wall during the trial. If Joe admits to the charge, that means he’s guilty. If he denies the charge, that means he’s either lying under oath or he lied about the exorcism. Since he’s acquitted, I think I know what his testimony is.
About the same time, Marty gives himself a promotion to Prophet. He claims in two years non-Mormonites will be stricken off the earth and Palmyra will become the New Jerusalem complete with streets of gold. Gilbert, John H. (September 8, 1892), Recollections of John H. Gilbert, Palmyra, New York Obviously this does not go down well with Joe. (The “Prophet” part at least.) In September, Joe claims that B.D. tells him he’s the only Prophet and Marty is something else. While he’s at it, B.D. gives him the authority to issue commandments on any subject. (Wouldn’t that make him at least a demigod? Talk about inflated ego!)
Meet Sid
Sidney Rigdon (1793-1876)—
Sidney Rigdon (1793-1876)
One of the early converts, Parley P. Pratt is sent to preach to the Lamanites (aka Indians). On his way, he stops by to visit his old Baptist preacher, Sidney Rigdon. Sid reads the BoM and decides to convert.
(We’ll catch up with P.P.P. a bit later. Or rather, the husband of his 9th wife will. It doesn’t end well.)
After being baptized, Sid proceeds to convert hundreds of his old flock.
Shortly after, he pays a visit to Joe. (12/1830) As a Baptist preacher, Sid was a fiery orator and Joe needs one of those. He is immediately made the church’s flack hack. (spin doctor)
About this time, Big Daddy decides it’s time to relocate to greener pastures (and money). Since Sid already has hundreds of Mormonites in Ohio, that seems to be a good spot. B.D. tells Joe that a little farming village called Kirtland will be their new home. So, over the next year (1831) Joe & the gang set up shop in Kirtland.
Despite Marty’s claims, B.D. tells Joe that Zion (New Jerusalem) is located in Independence, MO. Joe takes a small group to check it out. (6/7/1831) (I’ve been to Independence, and other than being my idol “Give ‘em Hell” Harry’s home town, it’s a long way from any fantasy of Zion, I ever had.) While there, they lay a cornerstone for a proposed temple. Within a year about 800 saints settle there.
If you’ve read “The Religious Wrong (pt 3: The Great(?) Awakening)“, you’ll recall that in this period, a lot of religious/cult groups’ idea of Utopia included “small c” communism, (with a healthy dose of sex on the side). Kirkland fit the pattern.
Joe has a “revelation” detailing the “Law of Consecration” or what he calls “The United Order of Enoch” (2/9/1831) Doctrine & Covenants 42:30-39 In short, “saints were to “consecrate” (deed) their belongings to the church, and the church would give them what they need, keeping the extra for “good works”. Sounds like “From each according to his ability, to each according to his need” to me. (Mr Marx would be pleased. And, I ain’t talkin’ Groucho!)
As for the sex on the side? Joe has a revelation from Big Daddy recommending that he practice polygamy. (7/17/1831) (Or does he?) Joe neglects to tell anyone about it other than one brand new member (Willie Wine Phelps) who neglects to tell anyone else about it for 30 years. The rest of the Mormonites, don’t learn of B.D.’s current views on polygamy/polyandry until 1843. By that time, Joe is already screwing 12 “wives”.
What makes this even more interesting, is that Joe’s own “translation” of the BoM comes out strongly against the practice: “But the word of God burdens me because of your grosser crimes. For behold, thus saith the Lord: This people begin to wax in iniquity; they understand not the scriptures, for they seek to excuse themselves in committing whoredoms, because of the things which were written concerning David, and Solomon his son. “Behold, David and Solomon truly had many wives and concubines, which thing was abominable before me, saith the Lord.” Jacob 2:23-24
The appearance of Sid starts Ollie’s slide into insignificance. Sid takes over as scribe helping Joe re-translate the bible. However, Joe never quite finishes his translation, and strangely enough, none of the “Prophet, Seer & Revelators” that follow, pick up the ball.
Sid is named one of Joe’s two counselors and becomes a close partner in the operation. He’s even a guest of honor along with Joe at an informal “tar & feathers party”.
You get the tar, and I’ll get the feathers. Let’s get together and have a great time!
T&F PartyListen, my children, and you shall hear the legend of the infamous “Tar & Feather Incident”. (3/24/1832) (This one’s kinda like the Boston Tea Party in that there are a lot of facts known, but as for the truth???)
Let’s start with the facts: A group of men drag Joe & Sid out of their respective houses. (Joe & Emma are lodging with the Johnsons and Sid’s bunked in with another family.) The mob beats them and strips them naked. They try to force some tar and acid down Joe’s throat, but the bottle evidently breaks. They slather hot tar on their bodies and dump feathers all over the sticky mess.There’s also a doctor in the group that has been brought along to castrate Joe. (But not Sid.) Fortunately(?) for a lot of Joe’s future bed buddies, the doctor gets cold feet.
According to the church, this is a drunken mob stirred up by some apostate Mormonites. The church’s spin is that these were petty and vindictive men who have left the church over minor issues. There are obviously some “apostates” in the mob. There are also some current members and the previously mentioned doctor.
As to another possible reason for the anger of both members and ex, remember back seven paragraphs, where I mentioned “The Law of Consecration”? Well, a lot of these folks have decided that they don’t want to give everything to Joe and let him decide what they get back. Seems to them Joe is fleecing the flock. Seems to me, that’s not a minor issue. As a side note (aka foreshadowing) later events prove they have a point.
And, then there’s the situation with the doctor. Now, dumping tar and acid down Joe’s throat, I can understand. It keeps him from preaching. However, cutting off Joe’s balls doesn’t stop him from preaching, it just means he’ll do it in a higher register. Soooo, why is he here? Also, why was Joe the only castration candidate?
Ladies and gentlemen, may I introduce you to 16-year-old Marinda Johnson. I mentioned current members being involved a couple of paragraphs back. Two of those members were Marinda’s brothers and Joe’s host’s sons. It seems Joe was either “getting frisky” with the girl, or was trying to. Considering castration is a rather extreme punishment, my money’s on the former.Frisky Joe While you and I might consider this sort of a “rockstar-groupie” thing, I don’t think Marinda’s brothers saw it quite that way.
I’ve heard the church claim that this is not adultery, because Joe has already been given the go ahead by B.D.. Since nobody knows about that except for Willie Wine (And, I ain’t so sure about him.) that’s a piss poor excuse. Also, Joe’s track record (as we shall see) paints him as a bit of a sexual predator.
Btw, this is not the last we’ll see of darling Marinda. But that’s a story for later down the timeline.
Joe & Sid survive the experience obviously, and go on to greater low jinks. But, I have already exceeded (once again) my self-imposed word limit.
Next episode, we’ll continue the life and times of Mormonite Kirtland, including Joe’s next sexual conquest, “The Word of Wisdom”, the power struggles and (hopefully) the real reason Joe and the gang had to skip town.
In the meantime, if the Mormon missionaries knock on your door (and, they will, sooner or later), tell them you belong to the church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, or if in Oregon, the Church of Elvis. (Hey, those religions are just as valid as Mormonism.)
Grouchy
ps Here’s one for the road:
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Grumbles From an Old Grouch
"I'm not everybody's 'cuppa tea'…….But, then again, I don't try to be!"
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A Bit About Me (As if you really, really give a shit)
Biblical Beasts & Boogymen [UNDER CONSTRUCTION]
Fryin’ Ryan – What You Really Need to Know About Paul Ryan (b.y.o. nausea pills)
Mormonism: “The Big Con?” A “Religious Wrong” Special Report (pt 1)
Mormonism: “The Big Con?” A “Religious Wrong” Special Report (pt 2)
Mormonism: “The Big Con?” A “Religious Wrong” Special Report (pt 3)
Mormonism: “The Big Con?” A “Religious Wrong” SpecialReport (pt 4) [UNDER CONSTRUCTION]
Repugnut Thoughts (Mine, not theirs (pt. 1))
Repugnut Thoughts (pt. 2: The Turd Blossom Rationalizations)
Repugnut Thoughts (pt. 3: Ayn Rand, Graveyard Voters & Matthew 7:16)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 1: 2nd Amendment Bullshit)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 2: To Heller & Back)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 3: Collateral Damage)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 4: The Usual Suspects)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 5: More of the Usual)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 6: Da BIG Dawgs) [UNDER CONSTRUCTION
The Religious Wrong (pt 1: The Puritanical Years)
The Religious Wrong (pt 2: The Hateteenth Century)
The Religious Wrong (pt 3: The Great(?) Awakening)
The Repuglican War on Women (pt 1: Oh, my Akin Ryan)
The Repuglican War on Women (pt 2: Meanwhile, back in the states.)
The Repuglican War on Women (pt 2b (or not 2b): Meanwhile, back in the states. cont.) [UNDER CONSTRUCTION]
The Scurge(?) or Scourge(?) of Socialism
The Tea Potty (pt 1: The Early Years)
The Tea Potty (pt 10: Clowns & Commodians cont.)
The Tea Potty (pt 2: The “Knights” in Cotton Armor)
The Tea Potty (pt 3: Civil Rights, Civil Wrongs, Civil Rumps)
The Tea Potty (pt 4: From Vietnam to Ventura)
The Tea Potty (pt 5: Who the hell are these people?)
The Tea Potty (pt 6: In the beginning, there was Astro-Turf)
The Tea Potty (pt 7-The local Locos)
The Tea Potty (pt 8: Players & Takers)
The Tea Potty (pt 9-Clowns & Commodians)
The Theory of Evil-ution vs The Myth-ology of Creationism (pt 1)
The Theory of Evil-ution vs The Myth-ology of Creationism (pt 2)
There Are Not Two Sides To Every Story!
Too Many People Vote!
Why Do We Have The Most Powerful Military In The World? (No, Seriously. Why?) (pt 1)
Why Do We Have The Most Powerful Military In The World? (No, seriously. Why?) (pt 2)
Mormonism: “The Big Con?” A “Religious Wrong” Special Report (pt 3)
If you’ve been reading this series, you’ve probably noticed that I’m writing it around a sequential timeline. This post is going to be just a touch modified. There are so many mostly non-related events happening, that to keep it from being too confusing, I will do a little time bouncing here and there and clump the stories a bit.
Mormon ChronologyCONTINUED
Elijah Abel—
Elijah Abel (1808-1884)
In 1832, an African-American (Elijah Abel) is ordained into the Mormon priesthood. In fact, African-Americans hold the priesthood and church offices until Brigham (The Bigot) Young takes over and states “The Lord had cursed Cain’s seed with blackness and prohibited them the Priesthood.” In the meantime, Mormonites welcome blacks into the congregation. (Hmmm….so B.D. & Joe have no problem with race, but B.D. & Brigham do? What’s up with that? And all “black” people are being punished for some mythological murder about 300 generations ago and Big D just forgot about that little detail for 20 years? And how come it’s turned around again in 1978? Seems to me, there’s a hot steaming load of bovine bowel movement somewhere in the vicinity!)
One major problem: Zion is in a “slave state” thanks to the Missouri Compromise. The church’s position doesn’t set too well with a lot of “nigger hatin’” Missouri red necks around Independence. There are several raids throughout 1833. The church’s press is destroyed as are a number of homes. Finally, Zion has to be abandoned. (11/7/1833) The saints “cross over Jordan” (Known locally as the Missouri River.) from Jackson Co. to Clay Co.
While the above was going on, Joe reports that B.D.’s been by to chat (5/6/1833) and has given him some building instructions: “And let the first lot on the south be consecrated unto me for the building of a house for the presidency, for the work of the presidency, in obtaining revelations; and for the work of the ministry of the presidency, in all things pertaining to the church and kingdom.” Doctrine & Covenants (D&C) 94:3 Kirtland TempleThus is born the Kirtland Temple. Construction takes about three years.
The Word of Wisdom
In “The Religious Wrong (pt 3: The Great(?) Awakening)“, I explained that the 19th century religious revival was a major impetus behind the Temperance/Prohibition Movement. Here’s the Mormonite version:
As the story goes, Mrs Joe #1(*) gets tired of cleaning up the tobacco spit on the floor after Joe has the guys over for a confab, so she bitches (Now, there’s a sexist term.) about it to Joe. (*) I gave Emma a number, because by this time, according to several sources, there is a #2. Either that, or there’s some out-of-wedlock “ride the pony” goin’ on! I’ll save the juicy details till the end of the episode. It’s kind of complicated, (sexual sagas usually are) and we’ve got a lot goin’ on this post.
So next time Big D drops by, (2/27/1833) Joe asks him about tobacco. B.D. tells Joe he doesn’t like people using his tobacco, and while he’s thinking about it, quit turning plants into booze, lay off the coffee beans and tea leaves and cut out meat-eating unless it’s cold or you’re starving. At least that’s Joe’s interpretation of what he said.
That kind of blows away Genesis 1:29-30:
29 And God said, Behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed, which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree, in the which [is] the fruit of a tree yielding seed; to you it shall be for meat.
30 And to every beast of the earth, and to every fowl of the air, and to every thing that creepeth upon the earth, wherein [there is] life, [I have given] every green herb for meat: and it was so.
Joe gets around to publishing what he calls the “Word of Wisdom” as a broadside 10 months later (12/1833) and in 1835 makes it an official section of the Doctrine & Covenants (D&C 89)
A loophole—
A loophole
On the surface it seems like a healthier lifestyle. All-in-all, I don’t have a problem with it. What I do have a problem with is hypocrisy.
For instance, it’s used as an excuse to excommunicate David Whitmer. (More on that when we get to 1838.) However, it seems Joe is exempt from its observance. (Prophets usually are.)
On one occasion, Joe finishes preaching a sermon on the WoW and then rides through town smoking a cigar. Gary Dean Guthrie, Joseph Smith As An Administrator p.161 Joe drinks beer Millennial Star, vol. 23, no. 45 p. 720 and wine History of the Church (January 1836), vol. 2, 369 In fact, Joe is reprimanded in 1838 for owning a saloon in Far West, MO Donald Q. Cannon, Lyndon W. Cook. Far West Record: Minutes of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, 1830–1844, p. 191
In fairness to Joe, he’s not the only high authority that doesn’t think the rules apply to him. There’s way too many to list here, but suffice it to say that the “exemption” seems to continue for quite a spell. George Albert Smith, the “Prophet, Seer & Revelator” from May 1945 until April 1951, is known to imbibe brandy. (For medicinal purposes, don’t you know? cough, cough)
We’re Marching to Zion
Meanwhile, back in MO, things aren’t going so well. Not satisfied with kicking the Mormonites out of “Zion”, the red necks want the “nigger lovers” out of the state.
B.D. tells Joe to “pull a Moses” and organize Zion’s Camp (4/1834) and redeem Zion “by power, and with a stretched-out arm.” D&C 103:15-18 (He’s a bit embarrassed about being kicked out of Zion, I guess.)
Joe puts together 200 men, women and children (Children? Why are children going into battle?) and leads them on a 1000 mile trek to re-capture Zion.
Zions Camp March
As they get closer to their destination, word of their approach reaches Missouri. Upon hearing Joe and the ZC boys are coming, the red necks form their own militia. (And, their sword is bigger than Joe’s.) Fortunately, just in the nick of time(*) Big Daddy shows up to tell Joe that he’s decided that the church is unworthy to redeem Zion because of its lack of commitment to the United Order (Law of Consecration). (I guess small “c” was big “BS” to more than a few LDS.) However, this “revelation” has the desired effect of saving Joe’s Bacon. (*)A nick was a mark on a stick which was used to measure time back before Big D invented the Rolex. {Another public service announcement brought to you by the fine folks at Idioms-R-Us.}
But, why does B.D. tell them to go in the first place, and then wait until they’ve traveled 1000 miles to change his mind? And then, just when they are exhausted from the trek, he sends them a cholera epidemic to thank them for their efforts. (So, in the end, B.D. kills more saints (14) then the red neck militia.)
In the power play activity during the year, Joe appoints David Whitmer (Dave) “Prophet, Seer, Revelator, and Translator” (7/7/1834) and says that Dave should succeed him if he does “not live to see God himself.” (I think that means if Joe kicks the proverbial bucket, since he claims he’s already seen Big D. Or, maybe it’s a Freudian slip.) Then in December, Joe makes Ollie an Assistant President, (12/5/1834) and tells the Church that when he’s gone, Ollie’s in charge.
One last 1834 item: In all that Zion excitement, I forgot to mention that the name of the church was changed from “The Church of Jesus Christ” to “The Church of the Latter Day Saints”. (5/3/1834) (Sayyy, maybe Big D’s pissed because they kicked J.C. out of the church. See last post.)
An Elvis interlude.
The Book of Abraham (Not really)
1835 gets rolling at a special conference (2/14/1835) in which Ollie, Marty & Dave appoint the 12 Apostles. (Hey, J.C. had’em, why can’t J.S.?)
Of the 12, one (Brother Brigham) eventually becomes church President and 8 are excommunicated. (Power play casualties.) Of course, Ollie and Davy are excommunicated as well and Marty splits to support another faction for a while. (The usual “details coming up” disclaimer.)
Later in the year (8/17/1835) they hold another conference and canonize a bunch of Joe’s lectures (Doctrine) and his “chats” with Big Daddy (Covenants) into holy (Or should that be holey?) scripture. Now the Mormonites have three (count’em: 3) holy texts, the Bible, the BoA, & the D&C, with another on the horizon.
Which brings us to “The Saga of the Book of Abraham”. (Go grab some popcorn, this one’s fun to watch.) First a bit of a back-story to bring you up to speed:
The ability to read and understand Ancient Egyptian hieroglyphics had been lost for centuries. Then in 1799, the Rosetta Stone is discovered. On the stone there’s a message written in three languages: Egyptian hieroglyphics, Demotic and Ancient Greek. 23 years later Francois Champollion cracks the hieroglyphics using the other two languages that are decipherable. However, it isn’t until the 1850′s that the ability to read Egyptian is very wide-spread among Egyptologists.
About the same time as Champollion is cracking the language, 11 mummies along with papyrus rolls and fragments are discovered. By 1835 they’ve made their way to the U.S. and Joe and a couple of buds buy four of the mummies, some scrolls and some fragments for $2,400. (Over $51,000 in 2013′s inflated funds.)
Joe, aided by Ollie and Willy Wine Phelps, “translates” the hieroglyphics off and on until November. He touches them up a bit in ’42, but by-and-large, it’s all wrapped up. The scribes will spend the next couple of years trying to figure out the Egyptian alphabet. They FAIL! (But the magic “hat stone” was still around. Why didn’t Joe use that?)
Abraham_Facsimile_1 copy—
1st facsimile
Joe claims that the scrolls were written by Abraham when he was down Egypt way. Not only that, but the hieroglyphics are in Abe’s own hand. The book purports to be the story of Abe’s road trip to Canaan and Egypt along with a “vision” (hashpipe dream?) of the creation of the world. But, best of all, it tells us where B.D. resides. (Pssst, it’s the planet Kolob.) There are three facsimiles included in the scrolls and Joe “translates” them as well.
Are there problems with this? Oh, Lawdy, let me count the ways:
1.It’s not the Saga of Abe’s trek or his pipe dream. It’s an Egyptian funerary text! It contains parts of “The Book of the Dead” and “The Book of Breathings“. FAIL!
2.It’s not written by Abraham (hand or otherwise). For instance the 2nd facsimile is a hypocephalus from the 22nd Dynasty (943-716 BCE). Abe was supposed to be born around 2001 BCE! FAIL!
2nd facsimile—
2nd facsimile
420px-Abraham_Facsimile_2 copy
2nd facsimile as filled in by Joe
(Btw, see that figure in the center (#1)? Joe says that represents Kolob. However, Egyptologists who can actually understand this, say it represents the spirit of the four elements.)
3.Joe’s “translation” shows a distinct lack of knowledge of Egyptian culture, language or religion. (And, this is supposed to be on-the-spot reporting.) FAIL!
4.According to the BoA, Egyptus, daughter of Ham, son of Noah, discovers Egypt while “it was still underwater” BoA 1:23. (It’s a hot day, she’s bored on the ark and decides to go diving, I guess.) Since she finds it, they name it after her. Egyptus places her eldest son, Pharaoh, son of Egyptus, daughter of Ham, son of Noah, on the throne as Pharaoh, the first king of Egypt in BoA 1:25. There are so many things wrong with this, I almost don’t know where to begin. “The Flood”, according to Jewish scholars, happened around 2150 BCE. Some Christians set it in 2294 BCE. (Since there is absolutely no proof of a worldwide flood, they can say it happened last Tuesday, for all I care.) However, there have been settlers in Egypt since at least 6000 BCE. The first pyramid is built around 2700 BCE, long before either of those dates. Oh, and one last thing: Egypt is not named after Noah’s granddaughter. In Abe’s day, Egyptians call their country “Kemet” or “Kmt”. (They weren’t big on vowels.) The Greeks name the country Egypt long after Abe (and Egyptus) are dust. In fact, Homer’s “Odyssey” (circa 9th century BCE) seems to be the 1st reference by that name. FAIL!
3rd facsimile—
3rd facsimile
Times & SeasonsFor several years, Joe displays the mummies. (For a fee of course. He’s charging the equivalent of $5.00 today.)
In 1842, he serializes the BoA in the Times and Seasons newspaper he owns. (Great little circulation builder.)
Then in 1880, the church canonizes it as a part of the “Pearl of Great Price“.
Supposedly, one of the scrolls contains “The Record of Joseph” (The biblical one, not our Joe.) However, our Joe never gets around to “translating” that, so it’s largely ignored.
That’s the short of it. For the medium of it, including the real translation of the facsimiles, check out this Wikipedia post. Or, for a longer winded (but very complete) version of the whole situation, check out this vid:
Fancying Fanny’s Fanny
If you’ve slogged through to this point, you deserve a reward. So, I’ll finish off this episode with “The Fannie Alger Affair“.
To quickly review, in 1835, polygamy is still officially frowned upon: “Behold, David and Solomon truly had many wives and concubines, which thing was abominable before me, saith the Lord.” Jacob 2:24
In 1861, Brother Brigham claims that Willie Wine Phelps told him that Joe told him that Big Daddy told him that it was cool back in ’31. However, that was the year Joe wrote that Big D said “Thou shalt love thy wife with all thy heart, and shalt cleave unto her and none else.” D&C 42:22 (2/9/1831)
Also, Joe neglected to tell another soul about it. (If he even told Willie Wine.) So I’d look around for a large lump of salt before swallowing that. The “Official Polygamy Revelation” doesn’t happen until July, 1843. (It’s a bit more complicated than that, but I’ll try to feel my way through the bushes when we get to ’43.)
In the last episode, I introduced you to 16-year-old Marinda Johnson. This episode’s youthful flavor is Fanny Alger. Fanny, “a very nice and comely young woman”, comes to live with Joe & Emma as a housemaid in 1833 at the age of 16. It isn’t too long before she claims Joe is making “improper proposals” to her. Evidently, they work as Joe & Fanny are caught “in flagrante delicto”. (For you non-Latin lovers, they were doing “the nasty”.) There are a number of Mormon apologists that claim this was all perfectly ok because Fanny is “married” to Joe as his 1st “plural wife”. (I guess Marinda was just a practice run.) Others (including Mrs. Joe #1) have a more “earthy” view of the matter.Vh-booty+call.+saw+this+on+facebook+its+funny+cuz+it+s_a0866c_3857435Matters evidently come to a head one day when Mrs. Joe (#1) goes looking for Joe. When she looks in the barn, she finds Joe and Fanny rolling in the hay. J. H. Beadle, “Jackson County”, Salt Lake Tribune, vol. IX, no. 147 (October 6, 1875), page 4 Seriously! They are up in the hay loft, rolling around playing “hide the pickle”. (Probably a gherkin.)
I guess Joe forgot to tell Mrs Joe about the whole plural marriage thingy because by all accounts, she goes off the deep end. Joe has to call in Sid & Ollie to try to minister to her and “cast the devil out of sister Emma.” However, it appears that Ollie takes Emma’s side. (I guess he didn’t know about the “plural marriage thingy” either.)
According to a letter Ollie writes to his brother, he speaks to Joe about the “dirty, nasty, filthy affair of his and Fanny Alger’s…in which I strictly declared that I had never deserted from the truth in the matter, and as I supposed was admitted by himself.” Oliver Cowdery to Warren A. Cowdery, January 21, 1838
Btw, one of the “reasons” given at Ollie’s upcoming excommunication proceedings is that he accused Joe of adultery. (Once again, the usual “more later”.)
So, is Joe committing adultery or is he enjoying his marital prerogative? This gets a bit confusing to say the least (Or actually, it doesn’t!)
To confuse matters, there are several schools of thought as to when the “marriage” occurred:
◾There is speculation that they are “married” in 1833 based on a conversation that Joe has with Fanny’s uncle, Levi Hancock: “Brother Levi I want to make a bargain with you—If you will get Fanny Alger for me for a wife you may have Clarissa Reed.” Mosiah Hancock, “Autobiography of Levi Ward Hancock (with additions by his son Mosiah Hancock),” CHL, Ms 570, microfilm, 62-63. Levi and Clarissa were married that year.
◾Fanny’s mother claims Fanny is “sealed” to Joe in 1835, or is that 1836?
◾According to William McLellin, one of the original 12 Apostles, Joe is simply “sealing” the marriage when Emma catches them humpin’ in the hay. J. H. Beadle, “Jackson County”, Salt Lake Tribune, vol. IX, no. 147 (October 6, 1875), page 4 (By the time I was Mormon, “sealing” had a different meaning. At least that’s what the church told me.)
As to the (“Or actually, it doesn’t!”) comment I made: There is no legal record anywhere of Joe ever marrying Fanny!
Even if they are, it isn’t a legal marriage, it’s bigamy and the U.S. considers bigamy a crime. Plus, if Joe and Fanny are married and it’s all ok with the Big Guy, why does Emma throw Fanny out of the house? And if they aren’t married, than Joe’s committing adultery.
There are allegations that Fanny is pregnant. Todd Compton, “In Sacred Loneliness: The Plural Wives of Joseph Smith” (Salt Lake City, Utah: Signature Books, 1997, p. 35) If this is true than Fanny either miscarriages or the baby is raised with a different family. There are no legal records of her giving birth until later in her life. Plus, we are still about four years away from the time Joe is supposed to have his own personal abortionist (Dr. John C. Bennett).
In any case, Emma kicks Fanny’s fanny out of the house. Fanny moves in with the Webb family for a while and then leaves Kirtland with her parents. (Which begs a question: Why doesn’t Fanny just move back in with her parents in the first place? What’s going on?)
They stop for a while in Dublin, Indiana where Fanny meets and marries non-Mormonite Solomon Custer after a six-week relationship. It’s evidently a successful marriage, she has 9 children. Fanny splits from the church and never comes back. She joins the Universalist church in 1874 and passes away in 1889.
When asked about the episode, Fanny replies “That is a matter of my own, and I have nothing to communicate.”
And, I’m out of things to communicate this episode. Next time around, I hope to finish up on the Kirtland years, including the REAL reason Joe & the gang had to split. Also, it wouldn’t surprise me if we run across at least one of Joe’s sexual escapades. (I swear that man has his brains in his balls.)
Goodnight Mrs Calabash, wherever (and whoever) you are.
Grouchy
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"I'm not everybody's 'cuppa tea'…….But, then again, I don't try to be!"
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Biblical Beasts & Boogymen [UNDER CONSTRUCTION]
Fryin’ Ryan – What You Really Need to Know About Paul Ryan (b.y.o. nausea pills)
Mormonism: “The Big Con?” A “Religious Wrong” Special Report (pt 1)
Mormonism: “The Big Con?” A “Religious Wrong” Special Report (pt 2)
Mormonism: “The Big Con?” A “Religious Wrong” Special Report (pt 3)
Mormonism: “The Big Con?” A “Religious Wrong” SpecialReport (pt 4) [UNDER CONSTRUCTION]
Repugnut Thoughts (Mine, not theirs (pt. 1))
Repugnut Thoughts (pt. 2: The Turd Blossom Rationalizations)
Repugnut Thoughts (pt. 3: Ayn Rand, Graveyard Voters & Matthew 7:16)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 1: 2nd Amendment Bullshit)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 2: To Heller & Back)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 3: Collateral Damage)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 4: The Usual Suspects)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 5: More of the Usual)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 6: Da BIG Dawgs) [UNDER CONSTRUCTION
The Religious Wrong (pt 1: The Puritanical Years)
The Religious Wrong (pt 2: The Hateteenth Century)
The Religious Wrong (pt 3: The Great(?) Awakening)
The Repuglican War on Women (pt 1: Oh, my Akin Ryan)
The Repuglican War on Women (pt 2: Meanwhile, back in the states.)
The Repuglican War on Women (pt 2b (or not 2b): Meanwhile, back in the states. cont.) [UNDER CONSTRUCTION]
The Scurge(?) or Scourge(?) of Socialism
The Tea Potty (pt 1: The Early Years)
The Tea Potty (pt 10: Clowns & Commodians cont.)
The Tea Potty (pt 2: The “Knights” in Cotton Armor)
The Tea Potty (pt 3: Civil Rights, Civil Wrongs, Civil Rumps)
The Tea Potty (pt 4: From Vietnam to Ventura)
The Tea Potty (pt 5: Who the hell are these people?)
The Tea Potty (pt 6: In the beginning, there was Astro-Turf)
The Tea Potty (pt 7-The local Locos)
The Tea Potty (pt 8: Players & Takers)
The Tea Potty (pt 9-Clowns & Commodians)
The Theory of Evil-ution vs The Myth-ology of Creationism (pt 1)
The Theory of Evil-ution vs The Myth-ology of Creationism (pt 2)
There Are Not Two Sides To Every Story!
Too Many People Vote!
Why Do We Have The Most Powerful Military In The World? (No, Seriously. Why?) (pt 1)
Why Do We Have The Most Powerful Military In The World? (No, seriously. Why?) (pt 2)
Mormonism: “The Big Con?” A “Religious Wrong” SpecialReport (pt 4) [UNDER CONSTRUCTION]
If you happened to pop on to this page, WELCOME! This is obviously a work-in-progress, so you’re witness to an ongoing process of creation. And, I have to tell you sometimes it’s kind of ugly.
Things get written or added sometimes just to catch a thought before it succumbs to a “senior moment”. Sometimes it’s just notes or passages I use for direction pointers. Sometimes I’ll set off on a trail and then decide I don’t want to go there. Or, I’ll find a more scenic, (i.e. snarky) shortcut. Sometimes, what I thought was right, was wrong and I’ll change it before it becomes an official post. And, sometimes after I sober up, I’ll decide the muse was just yanking one of my extremities, so I’ll dump the whole section.
In other words (or initials): WYSINWYG.
A little music to get you in the mood
And now, our regularly scheduled episode:
Mormon Chronology
CONTINUED
As phony as a…..KSS 3 Buck Bill
By the end of 1836, Kirtland has grown into a community of over 3000, and the surrounding area is filling up as well, as Mormonites continue to migrate to Ohio. Land prices have risen from $7 an acre in 1832 to $44 an acre in ’37. The church itself owns quite a bit of land, but has a bit of a liquidity problem.
Who has money? Well, banks do and before the “War of Northern Aggression” (that the South starts) banks can print their own money.
Joe claims that he and Big Daddy have a chat on the matter and Big D is all for it. In the words of Joe’s scribe, Warren Parrish: “I have listened to [Joseph Smith] with feelings of no ordinary kind, when he declared that the audible voice of God, instructed him to establish a banking-anti banking institution, who like Aaron’s rod shall swallow up all other banks (the Bank of Monroe excepted,) and grow and flourish, and spread from the rivers to the ends of the earth, and survive when all others should be laid in ruins.” Plainsville Republican, February 22, 1838
Talk about a solid investment! Guaranteed by GOD HIMSELF to not only succeed but to dominate the entire world’s banking system. Forget the fact that nobody has any banking experience in the first place. Minor matter!
Orson Hyde (1805-1878)—
Orson Hyde (1805-1878)
In late 1836, Joe sends Orson Hyde (One of Joe’s on-again-off-again 12 Apostles.) to Columbus to get a bank charter from the legislature.
Orson arrives back in Kirtland (1/1/1837) and the news isn’t good. He can’t find even one legislator to sponsor a bill to give them a charter. Joe insists it’s because of anti-Mormonite bigotry. I’m sure there was a bit of that. However, mostly it’s because the legislature is dominated by hard money Jacksonian Democrats. They only grant one charter in two years.
Well, since Joe can’t have a bank, he’ll have an “anti-bank” Thus is born the Kirtland Safety Society Anti-Banking Company (KSSABC). (1/2/1837) (Yah…. I don’t know what an “anti-bank” is either. I looked it up, but the only information I could find referred to KSSABC. So, hang on, maybe by the time this segment is over we’ll both know.)
http://www.smithbusters.com/SmithBusters/Prophecies/Archive.html
When the articles of agreement were adopted, this institution was officially named the “Kirtland Safety Society Anti-Banking Company.” Ibid. p. 471, January 2, 1837
The Panic of 1837 has been brought up as a cause of the failure. But the “Panic” doesn’t really hit Ohio for two more years. ’37 & ’38 are actually good years in Ohio with bumper crops and good farm prices.
Joe's Autograph
The anti-bank officially failed in the summer of 1837. Joseph Smith recorded, “…I resigned my office in the ‘Kirtland Safety Society,’ disposed of my interest therein, and withdrew from the institution; being fully aware, after so long an experiment, that no institution of the kind, established upon just and righteous principles for a blessing not only to the Church but the whole nation, would be suffered to continue its operations in such an age of darkness, speculation and wickedness.” History of the Church, Vol. 2, p. 497, July 7, 1837.
http://www.reddit.com/r/ldshistory/comments/12jcb3/kirtland_timeline_kirtland_safety_society_the/
1837
1 January 1837 Orson Hyde returns from Columbus, Ohio with news that it will be difficult to obtain a bank charter from the legislature. The legislature was now dominated by the hard money wing of the Democratic party, the “Jacksonian Democrats”. Due to their influence, the legislature refused all applications for bank charters but one during 1836 and 1837 in part because of endemic nationwide problems with land speculation, wildcat banking and counterfeiting. Oliver Cowdery arrives with printing plates for bank notes; Orson Hyde reports that the state legislature will not grant them a charter. Their inability to receive a charter leads them to form a joint-stock company, the Kirtland Safety Society Anti-Banking Company (KSS).
2 January 1837 KSS opens for business. Anti” and “ing” were engraved before and after “Bank” –in smaller typeface– on the printing plates Cowdery had previously purchased in Philadelphia. . Sidney Rigdon served as the KSSABC’ chairman and president, Warren Parrish as signatory, secretary and teller; Joseph Smith was cashier. Its organizers launched, instead, a gigantic company capitalized at four million dollars, when the entire capitalization of all the banks in the state of Ohio was only nine and one third million. Warren Parrish is secretary at the meeting. He is the banks’ first teller and maintains the ledger book 2/3rs subscribers vote to annul the Nov 2 Constitution and adopt the linked agreement in its place
6 January 1837 Notes from the KSS begin circulating, first given to Brother Bump) in exchange for other notes from other banks. Wilford Woodruff records: “I also herd [sic] President Joseph Smith, jr., declare in the presence of F. Williams, D. Whitmer, S. Smith, W. Parrish, and others in the Deposit office that HE HAD RECEIVED THAT MORNING THE WORD OF THE LORD UPON THE SUBJECT OF THE KIRTLAND SAFETY SOCIETY. He was alone in a room by himself and he had not only [heard] the voice of the Spirit upon the Subject but even an AUDIBLE VOICE. He did not tell us at that time what the Lord said upon the subject but remarked that if we would give heed to the commandments the Lord had given this morning all would be well.” –”Wilford Woodruff’s Journal,” January 6, 1837, as quoted in Conflict at Kirtland, page 296)
Jan 17, 1837 Wilford Woodruff records that David Whitmer was warning that people were prosperous like the Nephits and warns them to humble themselves and a scourge was coming, especially the heads of the church
Jan 19, 1837 It is said they have a large amount of specie on hand and have the means of obtaining much more, if necessary. If these facts be so, its circulation in some shape would be beneficial to community, and sensibly relieve the pressure in the market so much complained of. –Painesville Republican, vol. 1, no. 10, Thursday, January 19, 1837
about this time The law of 1816, defining a bank is called into question
23 January 1837 The KSS announces it can redeem notes with land, but was unable to redeem its notes in specie (gold). I believe this is what is commonly referred to as the “Run” on the bank by exmormons, although no one ever lists the actual date of the run. The ledger book indicates that there is specie on hand to deal with the current issue on this date.
Jan 31, 1837 Sidney and Joseph Preach in the temple about the importance of a charter for the KSS
About this time Brigham Young marks some notes from the bank and is surprised to find them circulating, leading him to believe that something was fishy at the bank. He either didn’t understand fractional reserve banking OR was a hard-money democrat of Andrew Jackson’s persuasion, and expected the KSS to be run on such principles
1 February 1837 KSS notes circulating at only 12.5 cents per dollar face value, they originally sold at 26 1/2 cents per face value, about a 50% reduction
10 February 1837 A second attempt is made to get a bank charter; some non-Mormons are part of this application, including Joseph Smith’s lawyer and Samuel Medary, a future governor of two states. Orson Hyde succeeds in getting two legislative Sponsors, and the request was added as an amendment to another bill. The bill is defeated. Grandison Newell, a professed antagonist to the LDS church in general and its president in particular, instigated several lawsuits against the Mormons in Ohio. Newell was close to three legislators who had taken the LDS charter requests under consideration and used his influence to dissuade them.
Feb 10, 1837 Oliver Cowdery, Joseph Smith Jr. And Hyrum Smith attend meeting at Bank of Monroe, to buy out the bank. Possibly buying it with KSS notes (not supported by the ledger, these would have been off the books notes created if so.)
Feb 15, 1837 Bank of Monroe questioned in cleveland weekly gazette
Feb 19, 1837 Joseph Silences his critics — meeting notes in Kirtland
Feb, 1837 Samuel D. Rounds, acting on Newell’s behalf, files a complaint against Joseph Smith and Sidney Rigdon for illegally purchasing the Monroe, Michigan bank. State law provided that only corporations could own banks. The matter was scheduled for the fall session of the court. Samuel D. Rounds, at the behest of Newell, swares a writ against Smith and Rigdon for illegal banking and issuing unauthorized bank paper. Eventually Rounds voluntarily dropped all of the cases in his suit except those against Smith and Rigdon. KSS continued issuing notes through June, but eventually failed due to insolvency, as most of the KSS reserves were tied up in land rather than silver as some erroneously believed.
March 13, 1837 Bank of Monroe closes its doors for the last time
March 23, 1837 Bank of Monroe does not redeem notes when presented but requires 60 days
March 25, 1837 In a letter from Steven Burnett to Lyman E. Johnson (April 15,1838) Parrish is mentioned as ones who agreed that Joseph Smith was deceiving people
March 29, 1837 Kirtland high council trial for Warren Parrish, David Whitmer, Frederick Williams, Lyman Johnson and Parley P. Pratt. Warren objects that the the complaint is “not in accordance with the copy of which they received of the charge preferred against them.”
March 1837 Hearing on illegal paper held, trial postponed until autumn
March-April Joseph Smith increases his financial investment in the KSS, in an attempt to save it
April 6, 1837 The leadership of the seventies are put into the quorum of the traveling high priesthod. Significant change of leadership. Joseph addresses the importance of sending money ahead to Zion to purchase an inheritance
April 1837 Joseph Smith twice warns the Saints that the KSS will fail if the members do not accept the notes as payment for goods and services. Importance of KSS mentioned Joseph goes into hiding without seeing Emma before he leaves –Mormon Enigma, pp. 62
May 1837 All banks in Ohio suspend specie payment as a banking panic spreads west from New York. Known as the Panic of 1837. This was based on the assumption by former president, Andrew Jackson, that the government was selling land for state bank notes of questionable value. The Panic was followed by a seven-year depression, with the failure of banks and then-record-high unemployment levels. The Second Bank of the United States had just ended. The KSS is in severe difficulty by this point, and the effect on the KSS is not small, but was not the central cause of failure. The Bank of england, in retribution for Andrew Jackson’s policies, throws out all U.S. paper in one day, creating the panic. of the 850 banks 343 closed entirely, 62 failed partially and the system of state banks never fully recovered
Newell charges Joseph with a conspiracy to have S. Wilbur Denton and a Marvel C. Davis murder him. In a letter to the editor of the Painesville Telegraph he alleged,
May 28, 1837 Spirit of Mutiny, Joseph and Sidney address congregation persuasively
May 29, 1837 High Council unable to convict Frederick G. Williams, David Whitmer, Parley P. Pratt, Lyman E. Johnson, and Warren Parrish.
◾permalink
[–]Mithryn[S] 2 points 11 months ago*
June 3, 1837 Preliminary Hearing held in Painsville methodist church. Justice Flint presiding regarding attempted murder charge from May 1837 charges. Denton testifies that in “April or May 1835,” while he was living in the Smith home, Davis approached him about killing Newell for the prophet. After he borrowed a pistol from Sidney Rigdon, Joseph told Denton, know where you are going and what your business is” and then encourages him that it is a “good work. then spoke of Newell, said he had injured the society, and that it was better for one man to suffer than to have a whole community disturbed; that it was the will of Heaven that Newell should be put out of the way.” Orson Hyde testifies that when rumors circulated that Newell might sue the foundering Kirtland Safety Society, Joseph “seemed much excited and declared that Newell should be put out of the way, or where the crows could not find him; he said destroying Newell would be justifiable in the sight of God, that it was the will of God, &c.” Luke Johnson also heard him say “if Newell or any other man should head a mob against him, they ought to be put out of the way and it would be our duty to do so.” Like his fellow apostle, however, Luke described Joseph as “a tender-hearted, humane man.” Teller Warren Parrish testifies that Newell’s name had been mentioned several times at the bank. Sidney heard Denton and Davis planning to murder Newell in 1835, but he had no reason to believe Joseph was involved, adding that Davis had “never been strictly subservient to the rules of the society.” Cahoon supports Rigdon’s testimony. Judge Flint binds Joseph over for trial. Bail is set at $500, which is promptly paid.
June 4, 1837 June 4, as Joseph, Sidney, and Hyrum are setting apart Heber C. Kimball for his mission to England, Orson Hyde enters the room. pon listening to what was passing, his heart melted within him, (for he had begun to drink of the cup filled with the overflowings of speculation), he acknowledged all his faults, asked forgiveness, and offered to accompany President Kimball on his mission to England. His offer was accepted, and he was set apart for that purpose.
June
Joseph Smith Jr. Transfers all of his holdings over to Oliver Granger and J. Carter. Warren Parrish and Frederick G. Williams assume management of the KSS until the instution closes its doors
Smith seeks warrant accusing Parrish of embezzling $25,000 from KSS, warrant is denied
8 June 1837 [Joseph Smith resigns from KSS, as he is convinced the bank is not viable], Frederick G Williams and Warren Parrish left in charge(http://en.fairmormon.org/Kirtland_Safety_Society) Up until this point, Smith family holds about 1/6th the stock of the KSS. At this point Joseph tranfers his entire holdings to O. Granger and J. Carter as did nine other stockholders. Others would do the same in the next few days
Joseph Smith: “Some time previous to this I resigned my office in the “Kirtland Safety Society,” disposed of my interest therein, and withdrew from the institution; being fully aware, after so long an experiment, that no institution of the kind, established upon just and righteous principles for a blessing not only to the Church but the whole nation, would be suffered to continue its operations in such an age of darkness, speculation and wickedness. Almost all banks throughout the country, one after the other, have suspended specie payment, and gold and silver have risen in value in direct ratio with the depreciation of paper currency. The great pressure of the money market is felt in England as well as America, and bread stuffs are everywhere high.” –Roberts, Brigham H., ed. History of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Salt Lake City: Deseret News, 1965. 2:497.
June 9, 1837 Trial is held for Joseph Smith Jr. on attempted murder, Justice Humphrey of the Court of Common Pleas presiding: result: the entire acquittal of Joseph Smith, Jr. of the charges alleged against him. This is said to be the thirteenth prosecution which has been instituted against Joseph Smith, Jr. for the prejudice against him, he has never in a single instance been convicted, on a final trial.
June 15,1837 A very reasonable mob, tries to find Joseph at home. Finding he is not there, they leave and wait for him patiently
June 20, 1837 20,000 shares or about 1/5 are tranferred to O. Granger and Jared Carter
June 1837 LDS newspaper Messenger and Advocate reports that Kirtland land prices have increased 800% during the past year alone.
June 1837-1839 “Thirteen suits were brought against him between June 1837 and April 1839, to collect sums totaling nearly $25,000. The damages asked amounted to almost $35,000. He was arrested seven times in four months, and his followers managed heroically to raise the $38,428 required for bail. Of the thirteen suits only six were settled out of court-about $12,000 out of the $25,000. In the other seven the creditors either were awarded damages or won them by default. “Joseph had many additional debts that never resulted in court action. Some years later he compiled a list of still outstanding Kirtland loans, which amounted to more than $33,000. If one adds to these the two great loans of $30,000 and $60,000 borrowed in New York and Buffalo in 1836, it would seem that the Mormon leaders owed to non-Mormon individuals and firms well over $150,000.” (No Man Knows My History, pp. 199-202) — No Man Knows my History
July 1837 John Boynton withdraw’s his wife account in the KSS, worth about half what she paid — Kirtland Ledger Book
July 28, 1837 Smith, Rigdon and Thomas B. Marsh headed to Upper Canada on church business and returned in late August
July 1837 Extant note for $100 with Warren Parrish’s signature.
2 July, 1837 Final entry in the KSS ledger
August 1837 Joseph Smith denounces the new leadership of the KSS, since Parrish, at least, was continuing to issue new scrip even though the bank was failing. Joseph Smith: “I am disposed to say a word relative to the bills of the Kirtland Safety Society Bank. I hereby warn them to beware of speculators, renegades and gamblers, who are duping the unsuspecting and the unwary, by palming upon them, those bills, which are of no worth, here. I discountenance and disapprove of any and all such practices. I know them to be detrimental to the best interests of society, as well as to the principles of religion.” –Messenger and Advocate, August 1837 issue
September 1837 Oliver Cowdery, now an assistant president in the First Presidency, has transgressed and should be excommunicated if he doesn’t repent. There is hope for David Whitmer and Leonard Rich. Beware dissenters. Do not accept any changes not authorized by the First Presidency or their representatives (Thomas B. Marsh and David W. Patten)
Sept 3, 1837 Joseph Smith: “had always said that unless the institution was conducted on righteous principles it would not stand” B.H. Roberts 1930
Sept 25, 1837 Frederick Wiliams resigns as Justice of the Peace in Kirtland
27 September 1837 Joseph and Sidney Rigdon go to visit Missouri; in their absence, the Kirtland Church is rent by strife and apostasy
October 1837 Joseph and Sidney found guilty at trial of illegal banking and issuing unauthorized bank paper currency (a civil, not criminal offense). They are fined $1,000 each, and appeal. under 1853 court case, it is apparent that the 1816 law stands, and their appeal would have failed. (see 1853 entry for citation)
November 1837 Final failure of the KSS. Joseph is left with debts of $100,000; he has goods and land, but these are unable to be converted into ready cash Warren Parrish begins talking openly about how Joseph ran the bank
Eliza R. Snow recounts in a book much later of Warren Parrish taking over the Kirtland temple via pistol and Bowie knife. No other account of this very remarkable event seems to be written. Thomas B. Marsh letter mentions attempt to take over the churchk, but lack of knifes/pistols mentioned
In Joseph’s absence, Warren Parrish, three apostles, and a member of the high council tried to seize control of the church. When Joseph returns from Canada, they publicly renounce the church. William Parrish is a deist.
Dec 10, 1837 Joseph and Sidney return to Kirtland
Decemeber 1837[Assistant President John Smith:] I called the [Kirtland] High Council together last week and laid before them the case of disserter <dissenters;> 28 persons where upon after mautre discussion proceeded to cut them off from the Church: the leaders were Cyrus Smalling, Joseph Coe, Martin Harris Luke S. Johnson John F. Boynton and W. W. Parrish. We have cut off between 40 and 50 from the Church since you left <[-]> thus you will see the Church has taken a mighty pruning and we think she will rise in the greatness of her <strength,> and I rejoice for the Lord is good and He will cut his work short in righteousness. … I will rejoice for the Lord will purify His Church.
22 December 1837 Brigham Young flees Kirtland for Missouri, convinced that his life is in danger from apostates because of his staunch defense of Joseph Smith
1838
12 January 1838 FAIR ENTRY: Joseph Smith, having returned to Kirtland, leaves with Sidney Rigdon to escape the risk of prison and mob action. WIKI ENTRY: faced with a warrant for his arrest on a charge of illegal banking, Smith fled with Rigdon to Clay County, Missouri just ahead of an armed group out to capture and hold Smith for trial. According to Smith, they left “to escape mob violence, which was about to burst upon us under the color of legal process to cover the hellish designs of our enemies.”
Jan 15,1838 Schoolhouse seized and sold at Auction to pay fine from Grandison Newell trial
Jan 16, 1838 Schoolhouse burned down, LDS member Benjamin F. Johnson later recounted that his brother-in-law Lyman Sherman had burned building in order to prevent enemies of church from gaining access to printing press.
Feb 5 1838 Warren Parrish publishes synopse of banking methods in Painsville republican, published Feb, 15,1838 Parrish claims that Martin Harris had never seen the plates, except in vision. This claim is backed up in Book of Covenants, page 170″ The newspaper declaration is signed by Luke Johnson, John Boynton (apostles) and Sylvester Smith, Leonard Rich (Presidencies of the Seventy)
Feb 22, 1838 Warren Parrish publishes “”I have listened to him [i.e. Smith] with feelings of no ordinary kind, when he declared that the AUDIBLE VOICE OF GOD, INSTRUCTED HIM TO ESTABLISH A BANKING-ANTI BANKING INSTITUTION, who like Aaron’s rod SHALL SWALLOW UP ALL OTHER BANKS (the Bank of Monroe excepted,) and grow and flourish and spread from the rivers to the ends of the earth, and survive when all others should be laid in ruins.” –Painesville Republican, February 22, 1838, as quoted in Conflict at Kirtland, page 297 The Apologists try to discredit Parrish, because if he is an honest man, this statement is enough to condemn Joseph as making a false prophesy, and then the actions of the apostates actually make sense. They saw him as a fallen prophet, because he actually failed on a prophesy. Remember that a lot of Joseph’s credibility came from finding pins in haystacks (like with Martin Harris), and the idea that a prophet could be right about some things, and wrong about others was a new thought. Until this time, the only false prophesy they knew about from Joseph was trying to sell the copyright to the book of Mormon, and Joseph declared that to be either of Man, or of the Devil. This becomes David Whitmer’s watch cry is that the Kirtland Safety Society, the book of Abraham, etc. were “Of man or of the Devil, but not of God”.
Feb 22, 1838 Methodist meeting house burns down in Kirtland, accusations of arson backed up by the bucket at the local well having been cut off prior to the fire. Attempted arson of Kirtland Temple
April 12, 1838 Oliver Cowdery’s trial in Far West, Frederick testifies Oliver told him [Marvel C.] Davis could make counterfeit currency dies. Three men came to him (Williams) for a writ to arrest John Boynton (h), Warren Parrish, and Burton H. Phelps for passing bogus bank notes. Note that the bank notes are no different from When Joseph was passing them.
April 15, 1838 In a letter to Lyman E. Johnson, Stephen Burnett excoriates Joseph and Sidney for deceiving Church members, “filching” their money, and squandering funds. Martin Harris said the Book of Mormon witnesses saw the plates “only in vision or imagination,” but later recanted. Stephen renounced Mormonism in the “Stone Chapel” (House of the Lord). Kirtland property is worthless. Joseph blamed Lyman for the Safety Society failure. Martin Harris, others reject Joseph but still believe the Book of Mormon.
Sometime in 1838 The Church of Christ established by David Whitmer and Warren Parrish. Warren claims the Kirtland temple as property in repayment of the KSS failure. This one would fail, and William E. McLellin would start again in 1847. David Whitmer would start a third in 1870. The Church of Christ, Temple Lot, that exists today is based on the same principles as these previous versions, but was started at a later date.
June, 1838 Sidney Rigdon writes a scathing letter to the newspaper attacking Oliver Cowdery as a Justice of the peace”. Revelation to Oliver Granger given, for cleaning up Kirtland mess, Smith was named in seventeen lawsuits with claims totalling $30,206.44 over debts incurred in the failure of the KSS. Four of these suits were settled; three were voluntarily discontinued by the plaintiffs; and ten resulted in judgments against Joseph Smith and others. Of these ten judgments, three were satisfied in full, three were satisfied in part, and only four were wholly unsatisfied.” — Brodie, No Man Knows my History. The LDS church also raised and put up $38,000 in bail money for Smith at the Geauga County Court which was to be held to satisfy any judgment that might be rendered against Smith. Frederick G. Williams and W. W. Phelps have lost their standing, but may be ordained elders and serve missions abroad — Saints without Halo’s entry on Frederick G. Williams
August 16, 1838 Announcement that the kirtland temple to be leased by Mr. Slater to be used as a Temple of Science, when the man backs out of the lease Oliver Cowdery fills it, being opposed to Joseph Smith at this point
August 18, 1838 Attack published on exmormons
Oct 18, 1838 Gallatin is burned by “Captain Fearnot” (David W. Patton) and the Church takes exmormon’s stuff, that are driven off. — wiki page for Thomas B. Marsh
Oct 19, 1838 Thomas B. Marsh and Orson Hyde leave the church — wiki page for Thomas B. Marsh
Oct 24, 1838 Thomas B. Marsh and Orson Hyde affidavit stating that the Mormons burned the store in Gallatin and drove exmormons out of houses. A serious lack of Milk Strippings mentioned. Both are excommunicated on the 26th
Oct 25, 1838 Battle of Crooked River, start of Mormon War
Oct 27, 1838 Lilburn Boggs issues expulsion order (called Extermination, but exterminate in 1830′s meant to remove from the premises) 2,500 state militia called up to put down the threat
December 1838-April 1839 Joseph Smith in Liberty Jail.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mormon_timeline_%2819th_century%29
1837
September 3 Apostle Luke S. Johnson is disfellowshipped from the church in Kirtland, Ohio. Apostle John F. Boynton is excommunicated.1837Notable problems begin in the Kirtland Safety Society.December Many people are excommunicated from the church for various reasons.December 10 Joseph returns to Kirtland from Missouri.December 27 Brigham Young flees Kirtland, Ohio. His life was threatened for vigorously defending Joseph Smith.
1838
January 12 Joseph Smith Jr. and others flee Kirtland, fearing their safety in wake of assertions dealing with the legality and financial viability of the Kirtland Safety Society.January 26 The Far West High Council, meeting with apostles Thomas B. Marsh and David W. Patten, reject the presidency of David Whitmer, John Whitmer, and William Wines Phelps, the stake presidency of Far West.March 10 John Whitmer and William Wines Phelps are excommunicated by the High Council in Far West.9 April Smith and Sidney Rigdon write to John Whitmer and ask him to return the manuscript history of the church that Whitmer had started in 1832. They say that if Whitmer does not return the manuscript, they will start their own history from other materials. Marquardt, H. Michael; Walters, Wesley P (1994), Inventing Mormonism, Signature Books,, pp. ix, xixApril 12 The High Council and bishopric in Far West vote to excommunicate Lyman E. Johnson, David Whitmer, and Oliver Cowdery.April 13 Apostle Luke S. Johnson is excommunicated from the church after being disfellowhipped and returning for a short period.April 26 While in Far West, Missouri, Joseph Smith presents section 115 of the Doctrine of Covenants, naming the church “The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints”. Also in this revelation, the Lord commands the church to build a temple in Far West. Work begins almost immediately.27 April Smith and Sidney Rigdon begin preparing a church history, with George W. Robinson as scribe. This history describes the most well-known accounts of his First Vision and the visits of the angel Moroni. Though the original manuscript history is not known to exist, it was later copied into the 1839 Manuscript History of the Church, Book A-1. (Marquardt & Walters 1994, pp. ix-x). Contrary to earlier and later writing, the history indicates that the angel who appeared to Smith was named “Nephi” (rather than “Moroni”, as Smith and Oliver Cowdery had separately said in 1835 publications). Some scholars consider this to be a clerical error, though it was never corrected by Smith in later publications. Other scholars believe that Smith saw both Nephi and the angel Moroni. (Marquardt & Walters 1994, pp. xv, xix).30 April Sidney Rigdon gives Smith a set of “grammer [sic] lessons” and then they continue preparing the early church history. (Marquardt & Walters 1994, p. xix).1 May Smith and Rigdon continue preparing the early church history. (Marquardt & Walters 1994, p. xix).2 May After another grammar lesson by Sidney Rigdon, Smith and Rigdon continue preparing the early church history. (Marquardt & Walters 1994, p. xix). By this day, they have completed the history up to at least 1827. (Roberts 1902).8 May Smith spends the afternoon “answering the questions proposed in the Elders Journal”, one of which was “How, and where did you obtain the book of Mormon?” The answer, published in July 1838, states, “Moroni, the person who deposited the plates from whence the book or Mormon was translated, in a hill in Manchester, Ontario County, New York, being dead, and raised again therefrom, appeared to me, and told me where they were…” (Marquardt & Walters 1994, p. xix)May 11 Apostle William E. McLellin is excommunicated. He joins forces with some of the anti-Mormon groups to persecute the Mormons.June 17 Sidney Rigdon delivers the “Salt Sermon” which generated much excitement in the church and among detractors.June 25 A Mormon settlement is established in a church conference above Wight’s ferry on Spring Hill in Daviess County. The site is named as Adam-ondi-Ahman.June 28 Adam-ondi-Ahman is formed into a stake and thus a gathering place for members of the church. It is the third stake established in the church. John Smith is named president of the stake, with Reynolds Cahoon and Lyman Wight counselors. Vinson Knight is acting bishop. President John Smith then organizes the High Council: John Lemon, Daniel Stanton, Mayhew Hillman, Daniel Carter, Isaac Perry, Harrison Sagers, Alanson Brown, Thomas Gordon, Lorenzo Barnes, George A. Smith, Harvey Olmstead, Ezra Thayer.July 4 The cornerstone is laid for the new temple to be constructed at Far West. Sidney Rigdon declares a “war of extermination” on those who intend to remove the saints from their land and deprive them of their liberties.July 6 The “Kirtland Camp”, 515 members under the direction of the Seventy, leave Kirtland, Ohio for Far West, Missouri.July 8 John Taylor, John E. Page, Wilford Woodruff, and Willard Richards are called to the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles to fill vacancies caused by the excommunications of John F. Boynton, Luke S. Johnson, and Lyman E. Johnson, and William E. McLellin (see D&C 118). The twelve are also called to missionary work in England and were to leave on April 26, 1839.Summer Settlement in Adam-ondi-Ahman surpasses that of the county seat Gallatin, causing the balance of power to shift towards the Mormons settling in Daviess County.Summer-Autumn The 1838 Mormon War begins in Missouri.September 4 John N. Sapp, who declared himself a member of a secret Mormon group known as the Danites, swears in an affidavit before the Carroll County clerk concerning the size of the Danite army. He states that they were about 800 – 1,000 well-equipped and ready men.August 6 The first battle of the Mormon War occurs as Mormons in Daviess County are prevented from voting in the Gallatin Election. The brawl leaves no one dead, but reports are exaggerated.August 7 Upon hearing the exaggerated reports of the previous day’s battle, Joseph Smith rallies 150 men and marches to Adam-ondi-Ahman to protect the settlement there.August 8 Judge Adam Black of Daviess County pledges support of the constitutional rights of everyone in Daviess County, regardless of religion.October 1-October 11 Carroll County residents besieges the town of De Witt, which was inhabited by Mormons. Negotiations led to the abandonment of the settlement without violence.October 2 The “Kirtland Camp” arrives in Far West, after traveling 3 months through difficult conditions.October 14 Under the direction of the state militia, Mormons organize as an official state militia and march to disband the forming mobs in Daviess County. Allegations of property destruction and theft are made against the Mormons. No lives are lost.October 19 Apostle Thomas B. Marsh, angry with Joseph Smith, leaves the church.October 23 Under the pretense that the Mormon militia looted and burned property in Daviess County to disperse the mobs, General Atchison authorizes local groups to patrol the border of Ray County and Caldwell County.October 24 Apostles Thomas B. Marsh and Orson Hyde, also disaffected from the church, sign an affidavit claiming that Joseph Smith was trying to take over the world and was using the Danites to murder people. They submit the affidavit to authorities in Richmond, Missouri.October 25 The Battle of Crooked River occurs as a unit of Mormon Militia fight against Missouri State Militia. Sixteen are wounded, and 4 die from their wounds, including Apostle David W. Patten.October 27 Governor Boggs issues Missouri Executive Order 44, also known as the “Extermination Order”, revoked in 1976 by then Missouri Governor Christopher S. Bond.October 30 A renegade militia group from Livingston County attacks a Mormon settlement in the bloodiest conflict of the Mormon War, and 17 are killed. The event is known as Haun’s Mill Massacre.November 1 Mormon leaders are taken into custody and declared responsible for the violence and destruction of the conflict.November 2 After a short trial, General Lucas orders the leaders of the church to be executed. General Doniphan refuses, recognizing the charges were inaccurate and that little solid information about the events of the conflict was known. Far West is plundered, and several other leaders are captured. After being allowed a brief good-bye, the leaders are led away to Independence for imprisonment and trial.November 3 Joseph prophesies that none of the prisoners are going to die.November 4 Fifty-six more prisoners are taken from Far West. The imprisoned leaders arrive in Independence.November 6 General Lucas addresses the citizens of Far West. Far West prisoners leave for Richmond.November 8 General Wilson surroundes Adam-ondi-Ahman. Joseph and some of the other prisoners in Independence leave for Richmond. Their guards become drunk, but no escape is attempted.November 10 All citizens of Adam-ondi-Ahman are acquitted, but they are ordered to move to Caldwell County to prepare to leave Missouri.November 13 November 25 : Preliminary hearings on the fate of the leaders of the church begin under Judge King. Witnesses testify at the point of a bayonet. Numerous violations of judicial process are recorded. Twenty-three of the imprisoned men are released, leaving thirty in custody. During the hearings, excommunicated members rob the homes of several members in Far West.November 28 Joseph and Hyrum Smith, Sidney Rigdon, Lyman Wight, Caleb Baldwin, and Alexander McRae are ordered to the jail in Liberty, Clay County; Parley P. Pratt, Morris Phelps, Luman Gibbs, Darwin Chase, and Norman Shearer are retained in the Richmond jail. The remaining 19 are released or allowed release on bail.December 5 Governor Boggs defends his Extermination Order in the state legislature.December 10 A committee of Edward Partridge, Heber C. Kimball, John Taylor, Theodore Turley, Brigham Young, Isaac Morley, George W. Harris, John Murdock, and John M. Burk draft a petition to the state legislature detailing the Mormon side of the conflict.December 17 The petition is delivered to the state legislature by David H. Redfield, who also meet with General Atchison, Governor Boggs, and others.December 19 John Taylor and John E. Page are ordained apostles and members of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles.
1839
March 17 Thomas B. Marsh is excommunicated from the church in absentia in Quincy, Illinois.April 26 Wilford Woodruff and George A. Smith are ordained apostles and members of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles.May 4 The church votes to remove both William Smith and Orson Hyde from the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles.May 9 Joseph Smith moves to Nauvoo, Illinois.June 27 Orson Hyde returns to the church to explain his actions and rejoin the church.October 6–8 The fall conference is held. Among the notable events that occurred, Orson Hyde and William Smith are restored to the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles.[17][18]
1837 Martin Harris excommunicated
1838 Church name changed to “Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints”
1838 Oliver Cowdery and David Whitmer are excommunicated
1839 HQ of LDS moves to Nauvoo IL
Lucinda Pendleton Morgan Harris 1838? 37 Married
Compton writes that “Sarah Pratt reported that while in Nauvoo Lucinda had admitted a long-standing relationship with Smith”; and that there is an “early Nauvoo temple proxy sealing to Smith….” This marriage was polyandrous, as Lucinda lived with her then husband George Washington Harris until about 1853. Compton believes the marriage occurred around 1838, when Smith was living with Lucinda and her husband. Compton, Todd (1997), In Sacred Loneliness: The Plural Wives of Joseph Smith, Salt Lake City: Signature Books pp. 43–44
Remains with polyandrous first husband, Har- ris; Nauvoo temple proxy marriage to Harris/ Smith; later divorces Harris
a
Est. 1838 37 yes yes yes Married
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Grumbles From an Old Grouch
"I'm not everybody's 'cuppa tea'…….But, then again, I don't try to be!"
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A Bit About Me (As if you really, really give a shit)
Biblical Beasts & Boogymen [UNDER CONSTRUCTION]
Fryin’ Ryan – What You Really Need to Know About Paul Ryan (b.y.o. nausea pills)
Mormonism: “The Big Con?” A “Religious Wrong” Special Report (pt 1)
Mormonism: “The Big Con?” A “Religious Wrong” Special Report (pt 2)
Mormonism: “The Big Con?” A “Religious Wrong” Special Report (pt 3)
Mormonism: “The Big Con?” A “Religious Wrong” SpecialReport (pt 4) [UNDER CONSTRUCTION]
Repugnut Thoughts (Mine, not theirs (pt. 1))
Repugnut Thoughts (pt. 2: The Turd Blossom Rationalizations)
Repugnut Thoughts (pt. 3: Ayn Rand, Graveyard Voters & Matthew 7:16)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 1: 2nd Amendment Bullshit)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 2: To Heller & Back)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 3: Collateral Damage)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 4: The Usual Suspects)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 5: More of the Usual)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 6: Da BIG Dawgs) [UNDER CONSTRUCTION
The Religious Wrong (pt 1: The Puritanical Years)
The Religious Wrong (pt 2: The Hateteenth Century)
The Religious Wrong (pt 3: The Great(?) Awakening)
The Repuglican War on Women (pt 1: Oh, my Akin Ryan)
The Repuglican War on Women (pt 2: Meanwhile, back in the states.)
The Repuglican War on Women (pt 2b (or not 2b): Meanwhile, back in the states. cont.) [UNDER CONSTRUCTION]
The Scurge(?) or Scourge(?) of Socialism
The Tea Potty (pt 1: The Early Years)
The Tea Potty (pt 10: Clowns & Commodians cont.)
The Tea Potty (pt 2: The “Knights” in Cotton Armor)
The Tea Potty (pt 3: Civil Rights, Civil Wrongs, Civil Rumps)
The Tea Potty (pt 4: From Vietnam to Ventura)
The Tea Potty (pt 5: Who the hell are these people?)
The Tea Potty (pt 6: In the beginning, there was Astro-Turf)
The Tea Potty (pt 7-The local Locos)
The Tea Potty (pt 8: Players & Takers)
The Tea Potty (pt 9-Clowns & Commodians)
The Theory of Evil-ution vs The Myth-ology of Creationism (pt 1)
The Theory of Evil-ution vs The Myth-ology of Creationism (pt 2)
There Are Not Two Sides To Every Story!
Too Many People Vote!
Why Do We Have The Most Powerful Military In The World? (No, Seriously. Why?) (pt 1)
Why Do We Have The Most Powerful Military In The World? (No, seriously. Why?) (pt 2)
Repugnut Thoughts (Mine, not theirs (pt. 1))
Thoughts on the upcoming “NEW!!!” “IMPROVED!!” “USER-FRIENDLY!” GOP*
*(Geriatric Obstructionistic Poopy-heads**) **(Inspired by a Grover Norquist rant.)
The last few days have more than compensated for the brief periods of anxiety leading up to the election. Though, to be honest, if you paid attention beyond what the “Tame Stream Media” was insinuating, the election was never in serious doubt. (Remember, it’s in media’s self-interest to pretend it’s a horse race.)
Anyway, it’s been fun watching the excuses and recriminations fly back and forth. Since the Repugs have a long history of being sore losers, most (but not all) of them were golden oldies: “The candidate wasn’t conservative enough!” “The message didn’t get through!” “Voter fraud!” “Free gifts for the “takers”!” “It was a P.R. problem with women and minorities!” “Hurricane Sandy ruined it!” “Chris Christie made nice with Obama!”
The Reps, much like the Dems, are made up of various factions, each with their own agenda:
1.There are the “fiscal conservatives” who mainly want your money. (Fiscal conservatives should not to be confused with deficit hawks who only fly during a Democratic administration.)
2.The “social conservatives” who mainly want to control your mind and body. (The Tea Potty/Religious Wrong loonies, who are on “A MISSION FROM GOD!“)
3.The “elected elite” who mainly want your vote. (What! Give up all those perks they have and you don’t? Not to mention the big bucks for those 3 day work weeks? NEVER! Unless there’s a lucrative lobbying position open.)
4.The “pragmatic conservatives” who mainly want to work on solutions. (But, remember, they’re an endangered species.)
5.And the largest, but in many ways the least, group – the “mentally lazy” who mainly want whatever Faux Noise (aka “Bullshit Mountain”) tells them to mainly want. (And, sadly enough, they’re the key to the whole mess.)
I’ll explain these groups in greater detail as we move along.
The autopsies by the various factions have already started. Each, of course, has worked out its own “solutions” to the debacle.
I won’t go into all of the real problems of the party. (I’m writing a post, not a seventeen volume series.) Besides, they’ve been hashed and re-hashed so many times, they have the consistency of gruel. Instead, I’ll look at their perceived problems, some of which actually do have a reality base.
Then, baring in mind that today’s paradigm isn’t necessarily tomorrow’s, but also baring in mind that it takes leopards a hell of a long time to change their spots, I’ll make a few predictions based on history, (Which Alexander Herzen has rightly described as “the autobiography of a mad man.”) and common sense. (Which, as everybody has said, “ain’t all that common”.)
The “Chili Chomper” Problem
This one is a pretty good one to start off with. It actually has some basis in fact, plus it’s perplexing that Repugs got themselves into this one in the first place. If it wasn’t for the in-bred bigotry of the loony-toon fringe, the Repugs could have fashioned a message that would resonate with Hispanics.
Unfortunately, that selfsame loony-toon fringe is currently calling the shots. (Just ask Willard.) For example, calling for Hispanics to “self-deport” didn’t exactly warm too many Latino hearts. (The weird thing about “self-deportation” is that it started out as a satiric reaction by two Mexican-American comics, Lalo Alcaraz and Esteban Zul, to California’s Proposition 187 back in 1994.) Prop. 187, in case you didn’t click the link, (Shame on you!) was a ballot initiative to prohibit illegal aliens from utilizing health care, public education, and other social services. It passed as a referendum, but was declared unconstitutional in 1999.
Just a few short years ago, George (Duh Bull U) Bush Got 40 % of the Hispanic vote. However, as a consequence of Repugnut bigotry, Obama won the Hispanic votes by a 72 – 23 margin this time around. And, as has been stated time after time after time, Hispanics are the fastest growing ethnic group in the U.S.. For that reason, among others, states like Arizona, Georgia and Texas will probably morph blue within the next 1 – 3 cycles.To compound all of this, Hispanics are not Hispanics are not Hispanics. To say that Cuban-Americans, Mexican-Americans and Central & South American-Americans are a monolithic group shows a total misunderstanding of the whole situation. (So, of course, the Repugnuts treat them as a monolithic group.)
And, while most pundits have concentrated on the Hispanic section of the minority vote, the Repugnuts also lost the Asian-American vote 73% to 26%. Asian Americans are another group that have always seemed right with the traditional Republican message, but the xenophobic rantings of the Bubba crowd are scaring them off en masse.
So, the problem as defined is that Hispanics don’t like or trust Repugnuts. (What to do? What to do?) This could end up a rather fractious conflict within the party, but I doubt it.
The fiscal conservatives (i.e. bankers and their business buds) want a cheap labor market. The status-quo is working for them. They get cheap labor that won’t complain too loudly about pay and conditions. This also puts pressure on the non-Hispanic labor force to put up with poor wages and bennies.
The social conservatives (tea potty/religious wrong bozos) want someone to look down on and blame for their problems. Back in the last century it was “niggers”. In the new & improved 21st Century, it’s also “spics”. If they don’t have someone to blame, they might have to (gasp!) take responsibility for their own plight.
The elected elite’s primary desire is to be elected, so they’re trapped in the middle of this high wire act. Lean too far one way, there goes the Hispanic vote. Lean too far the other way and there goes the Bubba vote. (And, that’s a hefty portion of their remaining voters.)
The pragmatic conservatives want.……Oh, wait! There are so damn few p.c.’s left that nobody gives a shit about what they want. (And, they should!)
The mentally lazy faction (that aren’t also s.c.’s) are ok with whatever Bullshit Mountain thinks is best.
Fixing(?) the problem
First off, the Repugs will continue showcasing their three token Hispanics: Mario Rubio, Ted Cruz and Susana Martinez as the faces of the “New, demographically diverse Republican Party”. Hell, they let Michael Steele pretend to run the party when they wanted to balance Barack’s “blackness”. (And, btw, I liked Michael Steele even if I didn’t agree with him too much. He was trying for a “big tent” Republican party, at a time when the troglodytes were more interested in a “porta-potty” party.)
They will make an effort to seem reasonable (if you’re not paying close attention) in addressing immigration. By which I mean, they will stop saying Arizona’s “Papers Please” law is a model for the nation. (Though, they’ll continue to pay lip service to “states rights” to discriminate.) They will probably propose something that makes working here in the U.S. A bit easier if you’re “one of them”. (Gotta keep those wages low.) These moves, of course, will go hand-in-hand with “border security”. (Gotta keep those s.c.’s pacified.)
As an example of what I’m talking about, Kay Bailey Hutchison, a Repug from Texas and Jon Kyl, an Arizona Repug (Both of whom are leaving the Senate) introduced the “Achieve Act“. The “A.A.” is very watered down version of the DREAM Act. Oh, and get this, the bill has almost no chance of passing in the lame duck session. And, since Hutchison and Kyl are “getting out of Dodge”, they won’t be around to re-introduce them in January. BUT, the GOPers can say “See, we’re good guys. We tried to pass legislation for you, but those Damn-o-Craps wouldn’t let us. We love Hispanic voters.” (After you show your papers please.)
I doubt if they will attempt to make becoming an American any easier, and equal rights and opportunities for illegals will be totally off the table. For instance, unlike the DREAM Act, which had a path to citizenship, the Achieve Act. only sets a path for legal residence.
If the Repugs spin it just right (and they are damn good at spinning) they just might be able to cut into the Democratic majority and get to the point where they’re only down by 25-30 points instead of 49.
The “Slut” ProblemW.o.W. Front Line
I’m doing a whole series on “The Repuglican War on Women“, so this is going to be a very quick overview. Check out the series for a lot more detail.
In 2010, running on a mantra of “Jobs, jobs, jobs”, a lot of Repugnuts got elected and in the process, took control of a number of states.. (Which is kind of weird when you think about it, since it was mainly their policies and leadership that stumbled us into the shit pit to start with. But, then again, Americans are notorious for their collective “attention deficit disorder” syndrome.)
Once elected, the Repugs got right down to their “jobs”. (What, you thought ”Jobs, jobs, jobs” was about the public’s jobs? Silly ass!) While the populace may have elected them thinking they might actually have some solutions for the economic situation, Republicans seemed to think they had been given a mandate to impose the Religious Wrong’s “family values” on everyone.
Their primary jobs as they saw them were two-fold. In order of importance they were:
1.clinging to power by legislative or executive means, which I’ll cover a few sections down.
2.Legislatively impose their rather warped views on women.
I’m not sure what position “getting people back to work” was slotted in, but from observing Repuglican actions, it didn’t seem to make the top 10.
On the national scene, there were several doomed-to-fail pieces of “lady law” in the Repug controlled House. The efforts were “all show, no go” and didn’t attract a lot of attention. They were mainly for the “rubes” back in the home districts. There was never a possibility of getting them through the Senate, let alone being signed into law.
The states, on the other hand, were whole different game. Legislature after legislature introduced, passed and sent “lady laws” on to be signed by a Repuglican Governor.Besides attempts to skirt Rove v Wade using “TRAP” (Targeted Regulation of Abortion Providers) laws, they passed numerous bills making it more and more difficult to obtain an abortion.
They even introduced anti-contraception bills into several state legislatures. Their alternative, as espoused by Foster Friess, was the old “Aspirin between the knees” form of birth control beloved by Reaganuts everywhere. That, and “Just say no!” (Both equally effective.)
The Repugnuts didn’t raise a lot of hoop-la about what they were doing (unless they felt safe among their fellow troglodytes), but people, particularly female people, started to notice. Just ask Governor “Ultra-sound”of Virginia (former VP frontrunner) about that.
Then along came Akin’s “legitimate rape” comment, Willard’s “get rid of Planned Parenthood” comments, Mourdock’s “god intended you to get raped and knocked up” comment (So god’s a sadistic bastard that gets his rocks off on brutal porn? Whoda thunk it?) and almost any one of St. Orum’s comments. (Take your pick.) They all cemented the image of the Repuglians as creatures from another age. (And, not a “Golden” one.)
And, this only covers one of the “lady parts” issues. Don’t even ask a Repugnut about Lilly Ledbetter. (The very idea! Women making the same amount as men. That would mean they’re equal to men! That’s socialism! Plus, it cuts into the profit margin!)
As a result of a lot of this, women voted for Obama over Willard 55% to 43%. In fact, women have voted Democratic in every election since 1988. (And, a larger percentage of women vote than men.)
The “little lady” problem is one that social conservatives are mainly responsible for. Since they are the loudest (and dumbest) group within the party, how do you fix the problem?
Problem? What problem? I don’t hear a problem, do you?
Fortunately, (for their fantasy, at least) the Repugs have got this figured all out: Just don’t talk about it.
You see, all the trouble really began when Akin said out loud what a very large number of Repugnuts believe. It wasn’t that they disagreed, but these were deeds better done in the dark. It was ok, to demonize Planned Parenthood, (Hey, it worked with A.C.O.R.N.) and use code words, but don’t come right out with it. Same goes for Mourdock’s comments. St. Orum was a special case. After having his ass handed to him by a gay man, nobody outside of “true believers” gave him any credence anyway.
So, they will just “keep on keepin’ on”, but try a bit more stealth with code words and misdirection. This will keep the troglodytes happy, ensure that the “tame stream media” gets bored and segues over to whatever part of their anatomy some “C list” starlet exposed this time.
And, they’ll explain it all to the ladies, keeping the words very simple so even they will understand that Repugs are just very kindly trying to guide them through matters that are too important to be left to a woman’s decision. (And, keep repeating “Family values! Family values! Family values!”)
The reality of course, is that it won’t work. Despite their fondest desires, this is not the 19th century when the woman’s role was to shut her mouth and open her legs. The real problem for the party is that it has next to nothing to offer women voters and hasn’t for a loooooong time.
The “If This Is Tuesday, I Must Be a Severe Conservative” Problem!
Ah Willard, we hardly knew ye. (We tried to, but every time we thought we had a handle on it, you morphed.)
Are you still that spoiled brat of a high school student that thought it was fun “outing” a younger boy who may or may not have been gay? Are you the asshole that got a bunch of “rich thug” friends to hold him down while you whacked his hair off? Or, are you the “bleeding heart liberal” that tried to run left of Teddy Kennedy on “Gay Rights”
Are you that brilliant businessman that knows how to fix the economy? Or are you a vulture capitalist that knows how to export jobs, loot a company and then walk away while other people’s lives are ruined?
Are you the father of Romney-care as you used to brag about? Or are you the sworn enemy of its clone: Obama-care?
The answers to these and other questions, inquiring minds wanted to know. Now – they no longer give a shit!
Despite the denigration you’ve suffered since the election, the sad truth is that you were almost the best of the batch running as a Republican. The only reality based candidate seemed to be your fellow Mormon, Jon Huntsman. He was the only one Obama really worried about. Unfortunately, Jon was about 30 years too late to fit in with what the Repugs had become.
The rest of the candidates made the debates seem like clown college auditions. And, speaking of the debates, they had a very detrimental effect that wasn’t entirely Willard’s fault. The debates branded the Repuglican Party as the party of hate, intolerance and bigotry. The Repuglican audiences drove home this point with their reactions. (Check out the vid.)
Ok, back to Willard.
The mountain of mistakes made by the Willard campaign is huge and well mined by analysts and pundits, and will continue to be for years. Therefore, I’m going to ignore 99.9173% of them and concentrate on the one area that was the ultimate deal breaker for me, (and maybe a lot of other people): WILLARD LIED!!! AND LIED!!! AND LIED!!!
Ok, I’m a big boy and I’ve been in and around politics and politicians a lot in my life. I know that politicians lie. (in other words, “creatively shade the truth”) All parties, and politicians try to advantage every nuance to give you the impression that up is purple, left is a 5 year old VW, and they’re god’s gift to you. I’m not talking about that.
I’m talking about spreading lies that you know are lies and when you’re caught red handed (and it’s always the lame stream media’s fault for catching you) you declare that “we’re not going to let our campaign be dictated by fact checkers”.
In other words you treat your potential voters with utter disrespect. Now that may work with the “my mind’s made up, don’t disturb me with facts” crowd. (After all, they think Bullshit Mountain is a purveyor of news.) And, admittedly, it does work with the general public some of the time. (Repeat a lie often enough…….) However, sooner or later, it’s going to catch up with you (Karma and all that.)
And then to lie, when there is no perceivable reason to lie. For example, the campaign’s claim that Chrysler was shipping Jeep jobs out of the country. This “fact” was so easy to refute, that you have to ask what the rationale was. All it did was temporarily worry some auto workers and their families. When the lie was uncovered (the same day) not only did the campaign not pull the claim, or even apologize for the “error”, they increased their “buy”. Somehow, I don’t think those temporarily worried families appreciated it very much. In fact, they probably ended up not voting for Willard. (There goes Ohio and the election.)
What made this all even worse, he lied so much that nobody really knew what Willard really believed in. (I wonder if he even did.) It was easy to see what drove him; money and power!
But as to core principles? I know what his religious beliefs are, because I grew up in the Mormon Church. That’s what made the lying aspect even more onerous to me. (Yes folks, I’m an “EX-Saint” or a “Jack Mormon”, although I prefer “Fallen Angel”.)
Even in his late blossoming “etch-a-sketch” period following the 1st debate, you couldn’t really pin him down past talking points, platitudes and vagaries. I think in the end a lot of people decided “better the devil you know than the devil you don’t”.
The Solution:
This one is already solved. You’ll won’t have Willard to kick around anymore. Romney never bothered to build a loyal base in the party so he has zero constituency. And, after losing a “sure thing” Repugnuts don’t want him around anyway. He’s been filed, along with Bush League and St. Reagan’s 11 tax hikes, as “bad news” never to be referred to in polite company.
2 B CONTINUED
Ok, once again, I started a single post only to succumb to diarrhea of the mouth (or is it diarrhea of the fingers?) So, this is now an official 2 parter. (Hopefully, I can keep it that.) Next up we take a look at the “533 problem”, the “47% Strikes Back problem”, the “Sandy Blew the Election problem”, the “Chris Christie Sank Our Battleship problem” and the “Graveyards Voted Early & Often problem”.
“Goodnight Mrs. Calabash, wherever you are!”
Grouchy
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Grumbles From an Old Grouch
"I'm not everybody's 'cuppa tea'…….But, then again, I don't try to be!"
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Home
A Bit About Me (As if you really, really give a shit)
Biblical Beasts & Boogymen [UNDER CONSTRUCTION]
Fryin’ Ryan – What You Really Need to Know About Paul Ryan (b.y.o. nausea pills)
Mormonism: “The Big Con?” A “Religious Wrong” Special Report (pt 1)
Mormonism: “The Big Con?” A “Religious Wrong” Special Report (pt 2)
Mormonism: “The Big Con?” A “Religious Wrong” Special Report (pt 3)
Mormonism: “The Big Con?” A “Religious Wrong” SpecialReport (pt 4) [UNDER CONSTRUCTION]
Repugnut Thoughts (Mine, not theirs (pt. 1))
Repugnut Thoughts (pt. 2: The Turd Blossom Rationalizations)
Repugnut Thoughts (pt. 3: Ayn Rand, Graveyard Voters & Matthew 7:16)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 1: 2nd Amendment Bullshit)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 2: To Heller & Back)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 3: Collateral Damage)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 4: The Usual Suspects)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 5: More of the Usual)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 6: Da BIG Dawgs) [UNDER CONSTRUCTION
The Religious Wrong (pt 1: The Puritanical Years)
The Religious Wrong (pt 2: The Hateteenth Century)
The Religious Wrong (pt 3: The Great(?) Awakening)
The Repuglican War on Women (pt 1: Oh, my Akin Ryan)
The Repuglican War on Women (pt 2: Meanwhile, back in the states.)
The Repuglican War on Women (pt 2b (or not 2b): Meanwhile, back in the states. cont.) [UNDER CONSTRUCTION]
The Scurge(?) or Scourge(?) of Socialism
The Tea Potty (pt 1: The Early Years)
The Tea Potty (pt 10: Clowns & Commodians cont.)
The Tea Potty (pt 2: The “Knights” in Cotton Armor)
The Tea Potty (pt 3: Civil Rights, Civil Wrongs, Civil Rumps)
The Tea Potty (pt 4: From Vietnam to Ventura)
The Tea Potty (pt 5: Who the hell are these people?)
The Tea Potty (pt 6: In the beginning, there was Astro-Turf)
The Tea Potty (pt 7-The local Locos)
The Tea Potty (pt 8: Players & Takers)
The Tea Potty (pt 9-Clowns & Commodians)
The Theory of Evil-ution vs The Myth-ology of Creationism (pt 1)
The Theory of Evil-ution vs The Myth-ology of Creationism (pt 2)
There Are Not Two Sides To Every Story!
Too Many People Vote!
Why Do We Have The Most Powerful Military In The World? (No, Seriously. Why?) (pt 1)
Why Do We Have The Most Powerful Military In The World? (No, seriously. Why?) (pt 2)
Repugnut Thoughts (pt. 2: The Turd Blossom Rationalizations)
Welcome back.
Ok, last episode we took quick peeks at the Repugs’ minority problem (real), woman problem (real) and Willard problem (could have been a lot worse). For the next couple of peeks, I’m going to dive in to what I call “The Turd Blossom* Rationalizations”, in honor of good old Unka Karl. (Pleasant thought of the day: Turd Blossom explaining to his billionaires why, after throwing millions down a shit hole, they didn’t even get fertilizer out of the deal.)
*As a good portion of you probably already know, “Turd Blossom” did not originate with me. It was George (Duh)’s pet name for Unka Karl. I have more class than that. Not much, but more! Also, I deeply apologize for the mental image of “diving into turd blossoms”.
The rationalizations don’t have much to do with truth, otherwise they would be reasons, not rationalizations. Of course, a good Repuglican DS (Doctor of Spinology) knows every good rationalization needs a good scapegoat.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN
MAY I INTRODUCE TO YOU
MOTHER NATURE!!!!Ma's pissed off!!
Hell, the Repugs don’t get along with Ma Nature anyway. Damn environment keeps getting in the way of profits. And, don’t even start on that “Global” shit! Plus, it’s just “God” reminding us he’s pissed cause we don’t hate gays enough! (So, why the hell did he create so many of them?)
Speaking of “God”, can’t you just see him in his pretty green & flowery Mother Nature dress, taking a big deep breath so he can blow up a hurricane? Ma Nature must be “God” in drag if you believe the ravings of Mother Michelle and “Crazy Uncle” Pat. (And, Repugnuts do!)Idiots, a pair
For instance back in 2011 “God”, in his “Ma Nature” aspect, sent an earthquake and a hurricane to visit.
Mother Michelle spotted the REAL situation right away: “I don’t know how much God has to do to get the attention of the politicians. We’ve had an earthquake; we’ve had a hurricane. He said, ‘Are you going to start listening to me here?” (The earthquake and hurricane she’s referring to only affected “red states”. Hmmmm. Maybe she’s right on this one.)
Anyway, without further ado (as opposed to “adieu”) lets take a gander at what mean old Ma did to all those nice Repuglican daydreams.
The “Sandy Blew the Election” Problem!
Before I paddle out into the hurricane, a bit of background:
Sometime way back in the Cretaceous I remember my Poly-Sci 101 instructor explaining about “bumps”. Bumps, for those of you that missed class that day, are upward movements in favorable reaction responses after an event. They are a normal part (hopefully) of most campaigns. They usually last for a period of time, depending on the cause, and the modifying events that follow. In normal situations they’re fairly predictable as to their size and duration range. (But, not always!)
For instance, a Vice Presidential nomination is normally worth about a 1 to 2 point bump in the home state vote. So, picking Paulie as Veep wasn’t much help. At the time of the pick, Obama was 6 points ahead. When the election was over, Obama took Wisconsin by 7. (Like I said, not always.)
Convention bumps vary depending on the effectiveness of the convention. Obama got about a 4 point bump, but Willard got no bump at all. Debate bumps are even more transitory, usually lasting only until the next debate, if that long. Also, in the history of Presidential Debates, only two of them had any measurable effect on the outcome: Nixon v Kennedy (1960) & Gore v Bush (2000).
To make an overly long explanation quite a bit shorter: Bumps are nice, but mostly transitory. One more thing I should explain, just in case you haven’t noticed: When it’s your campaign that’s getting the bump, it isn’t a bump, it’s a TREND! (At least til it comes back down to earth.)
Ok, the back’s been grounded. Let’s take a look at the “Sandy Situation”.
After Willard’s “no-bump” convention and Obama’s “big-bump” convention, a lot of non Bullshit Mtn. pundits were wrapping up Willard’s obit. (Of course, the BSM marionettes & their minions thought the Repuglican Incest Fest was a SMASH, including the immortal clash between Clint and the empty chair.)
On Oct. 1st, Nate Silver (he of the perfect 2012 record) called it 320.1 electoral votes to 217.9. Advantage: Team Obama.
After the 1st debate, in which he clashed with an another empty chair (this time disguised as Barack Obama), Willard got a nice bump. (Btw, the challenger usually wins the 1st debate and its bonus bump.) By Oct 13th, Willard had closed the gap to 285.4 – 252.6. (Still, an almost 33 e.v. spread.)
By Oct 16th, even before the second debate, Willard’s “Big Mo” had already begun to evaporate. In the preceding three days Obama had widened the gap by over three electoral votes.
By the time that Sandy hit (Oct. 29) the electoral chasm had already expanded to over 51 electoral votes. (294.6 – 243.4)
Not that Sandy didn’t cause Willard some grief. It most certainly did!
It’s an old saw that every man is his own worst enemy. Well, here’s one of those relationships in spades:
Willard, meet Mit!
I covered a bit of Willard’s confusion with his own principles in the “If This Is Tuesday, I Must Be a Severe Conservative” Problem! section back in pt. 1. After claiming that the states, or better yet, the private sector could handle major disasters better, he spent the first few days of Sandy’s landfall dodging questions about his statements. cartoon-110212On Nov. 1st, his “people” released the following statement: “I believe that FEMA plays a key role in working with states and localities to prepare for and respond to natural disasters. As president, I will ensure FEMA has the funding it needs to fulfill its mission, while directing maximum resources to the first responders who work tirelessly to help those in need, because states and localities are in the best position to get aid to the individuals and communities affected by natural disasters.”
But, where Sandy really hurt was that it gave the President a chance to show himself being Presidential. Especially in comparison to those not-so-fond memories of Bush League’s Katrina.
Willard, on the other hand, made an attempt to capitalize on the disaster by turning a campaign rally into a phony “relief rally”, complete with the originally planned video biography and surrogates lauding Willard’s candidacy. They even took up a collection of canned goods for the Red Cross “donated” by local supporters.
Two small problems here (I mean, other than the thinly disguised political rally.)
1.Almost all of the “supporter donated goods” had been previously purchased by the campaign.
2.The Red Cross specifically states on their website that they need dollar donations, not article donations. Donating things like food and blankets is a logistical nightmare in situations like Sandy. Money on the other hand, lets them purchase exactly what they need at very large discounts.
God Liked Obama better than Willard.
There’s also one other Sandy related excuse:
The “Chris Christie Made “Nice-nice” with that Damn Kenyan Usurper” Problem
BFF's (Or at least til the next election)Ahhhhhh yaaah……New Jersey……Chris Christie……New Jersey politics…… Always an interesting territory to explore.
Ok, let me pop in a quick disclaimer and an even quicker bit of background. This really doesn’t deserve a lot of space. But, since they brought it up……
Quick disclaimer: As a character, I like Christie. Politically, we are not in the same book, let alone on the same page. However, Chris does have a number of qualities that I rather like. (A disdain of “political correctness” is one good example.)
I’d love to have a political discussion with him sometime. It would be rather enjoyable. (If he could keep it from getting personal.) On the other hand, I’d pay to see him and Ed Shultz go at it.
Even quicker bit of background: NEW JERSEY IS A DEEP BLUE STATE!
The troglodyte segment (aka the majority) of the GOP is PISSED at Christie!!! He committed the cardinal sin of putting his duty to his constituents above his duty to help get rid of that half-black Damn-o-crap President.
Even before Sandy, while he was supposed to be a major surrogate for Willard, you could always tell his heart just wasn’t into it. Take a look at his speech at the Tampa Incest Fest:
In Christie’s 2,600 word speech, Willard didn’t even get mentioned until around word 1,800.
In fairness to Chris, he was far from the only half-hearted surrogate. From John McCain to Jeb Bush to Mario Rubio, there were quite a few major players that took the “hold your nose and tout the Willard” attitude. It’s just that when it came to Christie, it was a bit more obvious.
Then along came Sandy
As opposed to the Presidential partying that was going on when Katrina hit, Obama’s FEMA had men and material strategically placed prior to landfall. The administration, FEMA and the effected governors were in constant communication. The coordinated efforts received praise from both Connecticut’s and New York’s governors, but the one that stung the Bubbas, was the praise from New Jersey’s governor. Not only praise, but effusive praise.
So, did Chris “sink Willard’s (electoral) battleship”? Not hardly!R.E.S.C.U.E. M.E.
As I pointed out previously, Willard’s numbers were already back to tanking.original
Chris may have slightly influenced a few of the few remaining Republican moderates, but most of those are in reliably blue states anyway.
I know that Cristie is up for re-election this year and Cory Booker was contemplating a challenge. And, I know you get into trouble when you start believing politicians, but I truly think that Christie put his state and his job first and “to hell with the politics of it”. Plus, as a result, Cory decided that a Senatorial run was a better fit. Which is fine with me, I’d rather have Cory in the Senate, then let N.J. have him to themselves. ;-P
One of Romney’s advisors was quoted as whining, “Christie allowed Obama to be president, not a politician.”
Christie’s response: “I will not apologize for doing my job.”
Chris has proven himself to be a pragmatic politician. (And, those you can work with.) I look forward to disagreeing with him for years.
The “God is a Practical Joker” Problem!
J.C.
In the various Repugnut groups’ “exhaustive” analysis of their election fiasco, there’s one possible cause they’ve been overlooking.
It just might be that “God” is a practical joker. The question is, who’s the butt of the joke?
“God’s own chosen”
No CommentTo start with, He (She?) told Mother Michelle that she should run.”If I felt that’s what the Lord was calling me to do, I would do it. When I have sensed that the Lord is calling me to do something, I’ve said yes to it. But I will not seek a higher office if God is not calling me to do it. That’s really my standard. If I am called to serve in that realm I would serve, but if I am not called, I wouldn’t do it.”
I guess she got the call. ( I wonder if it was a text message?)
I bid $2Herman Cain “heard the word”. (Probably after using the wrong mushrooms on his pizza.) Cain told one crowd. “God said, ‘Not yet. I’ve got something else for you to do.’ And it might be to become the president of the United States of America.” (Was that the “God” of Ubeki-beki-beki-beki-stan-stan?)
The Rickster, (known to Bubbas, far & wide as “Cuzin’ Ricky.) felt the mighty hand of God. (Hmmm. What part of him was “God” touching?)
Now, where the hell did I leave my keys?“I have basically been called to serve my country. “That’s what this election is about. It is not about me. It is about this country.” He added: “Your country is calling you. At a matter of fact, your children are counting on you to answer the call. And the Lord said to the Prophet Isaiah, he said, ‘Who shall I send? Who will go for us? And Isaiah held his hand up and said, ‘Here I am. Send me.’ Your country is calling you today. Your country is calling you to do your duty.”
Righteous Rick
Then there’s the “Guy from God” himself: Saint Orum!
The saint, speaking to pastors and spiritual muckity-mucks, said: “I’m trying to walk down a path that God is leading me. I figured if this is what he is calling me to do, then I just have to go out and work hard”…Brother from another mother?
Willard never said anything about God telling him to run. But then, Willard was never specific about much of anything.
So, which one (if any) was “God”‘s anointed?
“Crazy Uncle” Pat claimed that “God” told him that, not only would Willard win the election, he’d serve two terms.
god-sense-of-humor-cain-santorum-and-bachmann(Btw, did you notice that every one of “God’s chosen” lost?)
Doin’ what comes nature-ly
If Ma Nature really is “God” in drag, as the Christmas cakes in the social conservative segment believe. (Of course, according to them, he’s also a gun totin’, fag hatin’, card carryin’ Repugnut just like they are.) And, if he really does use natural disasters occasionally to send a message, I find it interesting that most of the messages seem to target the redneck right.
Every area gets its share of really bad weather. (Well, maybe not the NW, but everybody else. And, anyway we get big earthquakes every few decades. Not to mention that we have far more than our share of volcanoes.) But, lately the red states seem to be abusing the privilege.
◾May, 2010: “Tennessee flood damage at least $1 billion: governor” {Tennessee}Water, Water Everywhere
◾Apr, 2011: “At least 47 dead as storm sweeps southern states of US” {Alabama; Arkansas; Georgia; Mississippi; North Carolina; Virginia}Southern Storm
◾May, 2011: “Joplin tornado losses could reach $2 billion” {Missouri}Over One Hundred Dead As Major Tornado Devastates Joplin, Missouri
◾Aug, 2011: “Once-a-century earthquake rattles East Coast” {Virginia}Good God Gertrude, whata gash
You get the message.
The problem is……they don’t!
Continuing on with the “God/Ma Nature is a practical joker” hypothesis:
When it came time for the conventions (i.e. Incest Fests), ol’ “Joybuzzer” struck again. Now, he/she didn’t send either of his/her storms directly at Tampa or Charlotte, but he/she did manage to more or less shut the Repugs up for a day; (A minor miracle in itself.) and pull a good head fake on the Dems.
With all this as prologue, it’s no surprise that “Ma” decided to get in one more lick. This time, just for a little extra “kick”, he/she waited until about a week before the election.
What the “master plan” was, God only knows and he/she ain’t talkin’. But, the immediate results were a bit of a boost for Barack. (Although, he didn’t need it), and a bit of a boot in the butt for Willard. (And, he did need it.)
In the intermediate run, it almost guarantees that Christie will be re-elected N.J. Gov, but will never be elected President. (Repugs never forgive “traitors”!)
In the long run, we may never hear from Willard again. He’ll probably spend his reclining years riding up and down in his car elevator.
And just out of curiosity, I checked on major hurricane activity in New York in the last 112 years. Since 1900, and discounting the usual remnants that crawl up the east coast:
◾September 17, 1903 — The Vagabond Hurricane
◾August 25, 1933 — The 1933 Chesapeake Potomac Hurricane
◾September 21, 1938 — The Long Island Express
◾September 14, 1944 — The 1944 Great Atlantic Hurricane
◾August 31, 1954 — Hurricane Carol
◾September 11, 1960 — Hurricane Donna
◾September 21, 1961 — Hurricane Esther
◾June 22, 1972 — Hurricane Agnes
◾August 11, 1976 — Hurricane Belle
◾September 27, 1985 — Hurricane Gloria
◾August 28, 1991 — Hurricane Bob
◾July 13, 1996 — Hurricane Bertha
◾September 16, 1999 — Hurricane Floyd
◾September 21, 2003 — Hurricane Isabel
◾August 27–28, 2011 — Hurricane Irene
◾October 28-29, 2012 – Hurricane Sandy
Notice anything interesting about the list?
1900-1925 – 1; 1926-1950 – 3; 1951-1975 – 4; 1976-2000 – 5; 2001-2012 -3 (And still 13 years left in the quarter.)
Now, with all we’ve learned over the past few decades, a rational individual might think of these “events” as perhaps related to climate change.GW in B&W (& a bit of blue)
However, since climate change is a hoax, just like evolution (Even Pat Buchanan says so.)
and the whole thing is purely Satan’s doing, then you can understand why God IS Ma Nature. (At least I think you can. I’ve never really understood the wingnut thought(?) processes.)
Once again, you get the message.GOP'ing GOD
Once again, the problem is: They still don’t!
Wrap time for another episode.
Next time we journey a little closer to the real world and take a look at a last couple of “problems”, as well as why Repugnuts are an endangered species. (And why baggers aren’t.)
In the meantime – Keep on keepin’ on! (Whatever the hell that means.)
Grouchy
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Grumbles From an Old Grouch
"I'm not everybody's 'cuppa tea'…….But, then again, I don't try to be!"
Search
Main menu
Skip to primary content
Skip to secondary content
Home
A Bit About Me (As if you really, really give a shit)
Biblical Beasts & Boogymen [UNDER CONSTRUCTION]
Fryin’ Ryan – What You Really Need to Know About Paul Ryan (b.y.o. nausea pills)
Mormonism: “The Big Con?” A “Religious Wrong” Special Report (pt 1)
Mormonism: “The Big Con?” A “Religious Wrong” Special Report (pt 2)
Mormonism: “The Big Con?” A “Religious Wrong” Special Report (pt 3)
Mormonism: “The Big Con?” A “Religious Wrong” SpecialReport (pt 4) [UNDER CONSTRUCTION]
Repugnut Thoughts (Mine, not theirs (pt. 1))
Repugnut Thoughts (pt. 2: The Turd Blossom Rationalizations)
Repugnut Thoughts (pt. 3: Ayn Rand, Graveyard Voters & Matthew 7:16)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 1: 2nd Amendment Bullshit)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 2: To Heller & Back)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 3: Collateral Damage)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 4: The Usual Suspects)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 5: More of the Usual)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 6: Da BIG Dawgs) [UNDER CONSTRUCTION
The Religious Wrong (pt 1: The Puritanical Years)
The Religious Wrong (pt 2: The Hateteenth Century)
The Religious Wrong (pt 3: The Great(?) Awakening)
The Repuglican War on Women (pt 1: Oh, my Akin Ryan)
The Repuglican War on Women (pt 2: Meanwhile, back in the states.)
The Repuglican War on Women (pt 2b (or not 2b): Meanwhile, back in the states. cont.) [UNDER CONSTRUCTION]
The Scurge(?) or Scourge(?) of Socialism
The Tea Potty (pt 1: The Early Years)
The Tea Potty (pt 10: Clowns & Commodians cont.)
The Tea Potty (pt 2: The “Knights” in Cotton Armor)
The Tea Potty (pt 3: Civil Rights, Civil Wrongs, Civil Rumps)
The Tea Potty (pt 4: From Vietnam to Ventura)
The Tea Potty (pt 5: Who the hell are these people?)
The Tea Potty (pt 6: In the beginning, there was Astro-Turf)
The Tea Potty (pt 7-The local Locos)
The Tea Potty (pt 8: Players & Takers)
The Tea Potty (pt 9-Clowns & Commodians)
The Theory of Evil-ution vs The Myth-ology of Creationism (pt 1)
The Theory of Evil-ution vs The Myth-ology of Creationism (pt 2)
There Are Not Two Sides To Every Story!
Too Many People Vote!
Why Do We Have The Most Powerful Military In The World? (No, Seriously. Why?) (pt 1)
Why Do We Have The Most Powerful Military In The World? (No, seriously. Why?) (pt 2)
Repugnut Thoughts (pt. 3: Ayn Rand, Graveyard Voters & Matthew 7:16)
Welcome to Repugnut Thoughts pt 3.
Last time we took a trip to Fantasy Land to explore a trio of fairy tales (2 of theirs, 1 of mine) that sought to explain why Willard lost when almost every factor (and wingnut pundit) indicated it should have been a landslide.
This time, we come back down to the “real” (sort of) world.
“The 47% Strikes Back” Problem!
Wouldn’t you know it? Here’s poor Willard: relaxed, speaking off the cuff to some of his peers. Doing something he never does in public – “letting his hair down” so-to-speak. Telling his “big buck buds” how he really feels about the rest of the country.
And then some damn wage slave has to go and ruin the whole thing by catching it on phone cam.
The video may be out of focus and blurred, but the audio isn’t!
In itself, this was a disaster. What made it even worse, was that it reinforced Willard’s “we’re better than you peasants” image. The image was quite a bit self-inflicted: Little things like “Some of my friends are NASCAR owners”; $10,000 bets; my wife owns 2 cadillacs; ad infinitum. (Well, maybe not that many, but a lot.)Po' Willard Team Obama piled on early in the campaign, taking a page out of Clinton’s reelection campaign against Bob Dole.
By the time the vid was released, a lot of people were already beginning to wonder if Willard could even relate to their problems, let alone fix them. All in all, this didn’t do anything to convince them that Willard was “their man”.
To be fair, in this case, Willard wasn’t the disease, he was simply the symptom. He really didn’t say anything that a large (and fervent) segment of Repugs doesn’t believe in its “heart-of-hearts”. (There’s a bit of irony involved in this and I’ll get to it in a few paragraphs.) Plus, it must be true, cause Willard and the troglodytes heard it on Faux Noise.
Before we move along, let’s take a look at that “freeloading 47%”. I think you will find that it’s not quite like Willard made it sound.271955_525917010756279_1976023576_oOh, and look where the “freeloading 47%” are concentrated. (Irony foreshadow #2).Southern "Moochers
This is the “Ayn Rand” brand of conservatism down to its filthy core.
Ms. Rand, who is beloved by the greedy rich, Paulie Ryan, the Pauls (Ron & Rand) and the libertarian lugnuts on the right. Ms Rand, who made her name dividing the country into “producers” and “takers” and blaming all its problems on “takers”. Ms Rand, who spent her last years as one of her own despised “takers”, living on Social Security and welfare.
While there are a lot of “dirty-handed” Dems when it comes to coddling the rich, the Republicans were, and the Repuglicans are, masters of the art. One quick example:
TaxesThe purpose of life
We all (or at least most of us) have heard the urban legend of the tax-hating Repuglicans. They despise taxes when they stumble out of bed in the morning, they abhor taxes while partaking of their 3 drink lunches, they loathe taxes as they’re putting on their “jam-jams” for “beddy-bye”. The Regublicans hate all taxes in any way, shape, form or fragrance. Every chance to stop a tax or lower an existing one, they’ll grab it. (“Grover Norquist’s Pledge” and all that cow crap.)
At least that’s the way the legend goes. As with most legends, there is a touch of truth to it, and as with most legends, a heaping helping of horseshit. The Repug’s are anti-tax. That is, they’re anti-tax if you’re rich. Poor or middle class? Not nearly so much!
The latest examples of how Repuglicans really feel about their betters, several red states, led by Bobby Jindal’s Louisiana and Sam Brownback’s Kansas (Kansas? Why is it always Kansas?) want to eliminate personal and corporate income taxes and “take up the slack” with sales taxes. (Quick disclaimer: My state, Oregon, doesn’t levy sales taxes, but believe me, they still get their money.)
That’s a hell of a great idea! Don’t take part of a man’s hard-earned paycheck, just tax him on the things he buys.
The problem, of course is that like almost all recent Repugnut ideas, this one looks ripe, but smells rotten. Sales taxes tend to be very regressive. Instead of going into a long-winded explanation as to why, I’ll just give you the link and show you a chart on Jindal’s gift to his financial backers:20120115-graph-republican-states-want-to-raise-taxes-on-the-poor-to-finance-a-tax-cu
Bobby and Sam have been joined (so far) by:
◾Nebraska’s Governor, Dave Heineman, who has introduced a bill to eliminate several taxes, including individual and small businesses.
◾The Governor of “Okie-home” (If you don’t want to be stereotyped, don’t act like one.) Mary Fallin wants income tax cuts.
◾Missouri lawmakers are plotting to “reform” their tax code. (In guess whose favor?)
And, let’s take a look at the “fiscal cliff” episode. (You remember that! It was in all the papers.) The Republicans tried to make their case that they were standing up for the “American taxpayer” in their resistance to ending the Bush temporary tax cuts for the rich. However, they had no problem whatsoever with letting the middle class payroll tax go back up.
Or check out the Ryan Plan, so beloved by the Repugs:Producers & TakersPaulie also wants to eliminate, or at least, severely cut tax deductions for mortgage interest, health insurance premiums and charitable contributions. (I could be wrong, but it seems to me that eliminating deductions has pretty much the same effect as raising taxes.)
You get the picture, Repuglicans are lackeys for the rich. (So are more than a few Dems, but the Repugs are more blatant about it.) This has become a dominant feature of their “brand”. Of course, any commentary on this inevitably brings on charges of “Class Warfare”. (Why is it only “Class Warfare” when you fight back?)
Factor in the Bush Recession that hit the poor and middle class hard, while mostly skipping the filthy rich. Stir that with the “Occupy Movement”, which drew attention to the increasing financial disparity. Then throw in the poster boy for the Plutocratic class. Season with “..corporations are people“, a tax rate half of what most people pay (and that’s just from the bitty part of his tax returns he’s shown us) a car elevator, etc., etc. And, PRESTO! you get Willard losing large.
As for the foreshadowed irony: Surprisingly, the 47% comment didn’t hurt Willard too much in the states that had the most “takers” Out of the bottom 10, he only lost Florida and New Mexico. But then, that’s the South for ya. (Dum, di dum dum, DUMB!)
In a small bit of unforeshadowed irony, Willard’s final vote percentage was approximately 47%. (47.19%, to be precise.)
So, if the Repugnut brand reeks of bathroom sex with the rich, (Guess who’s the sub?) how do you change that perception?
The Ol’ Misdirection Play:
What? Me worry?—
What? Me worry?
You take the Bobby Jindal route. At the same time that he was planning to piss on the poor even more, Brother Bobby was telling the Republican National Committee’s winter meeting attendees “We are not the party of big business, big banks, big Wall Street bailouts, big corporate loopholes or big anything. We must not be the party that simply protects the well off so they can keep their toys … We are the party whose ideas will help the middle class, and help more folks join the middle class.”
Care to guess which action got the most coverage?
One final 47% diversion before we proceed to more grave matters:
On several occasions during the primaries, Steve Schmidt (John McCain’s 2000 Campaign Manager) stated that according to the polls, the country was divided 47% Reps & 47% Dems. That being the case, he said that the election would be decided on the remaining independent 6%. If he was right, and I believe that he was, Obama picked up 68% of the independents, 3rd party candidates grabbed 19% and Willard got 3%.
And, speaking of those pesky voters:
“The Graveyards Voted Early & Often” Problem
When I started researching this section, what I had assumed would be about an 750-800 word section, kept getting bigger and bigger and bigger. I finally decided that it would be better served with a post devoted entirely to the subject. So, in this section, I’m just going to hit some of the lowlights. I’ll cover the entire spectrum, especially the red end, of “voter fraud” as soon as I clean up my backlog of posts that I’m already late with. This one included.
Under the guise of a crusade against MASSIVE VOTER FRAUD, (13 cases of in-person voter impersonation out of 649,000,000 votes cast between 2000 and 2010.) Repuglicans have been pushing voter I.D. laws and other forms of vote suppression. Almost everyone is in favor of honest elections, so this is a pretty easy sell. The problem is, that the remedies seem to disenfranchise a disproportionate number of people who don’t normally vote for Repuglicans.
The elderly, the poor, students and minorities are less likely to have valid, state issued IDs. Together, they make up about 12% of the voting-age population and a number of those states that enacted voter I.D. laws, do not make it easy to get valid I.D.s. Depending on the state in question a birth certificate copy costs between $10 and $45. Passports cost $85 and naturalization papers cost $20. Then there are more than a few of the elderly that for one reason or another, do not have access to a birth certificate.Collateral Dumbage
Back at the turn of the last century a number of southern states enforced a poll tax to prevent poor people, and black people from voting. Modern voter ID laws, with their costs, are essentially a 21st Century poll tax as quite a few of the poor, elderly and minorities will not vote due to not having proper state issued ID.
In case there is the slightest doubt as to the Repugnuts’ true motives, here’s Pennsylvania House Republican Leader Mike Turzai speaking at a House committee meeting last June 23rd (2012).
There were several other Repuglican strategies to limit the opposition’s vote count. For instance, Florida tried its damnedest to curtail voter registration, not to mention purging any suspected potential fraudulent voter from the polls. (By a very surprising coincidence, almost all of the future frauders were in mostly Democratic areas.) The state also cut early voting, including “Souls to the Polls” Sunday. (Chance a guess who that mostly affected?) Fortunately, the courts stepped in on that one. To top that off, Florida made standing in line to vote, an all day operation in a lot of unfriendly precincts.Florida voter line
The irony of all this was that there was a massive voter fraud effort in Florida. It was perpetrated by Nathan Sproul and his Strategic Allied Consultants, a GOP hired consulting firm that submitted “hundreds of faked voter registrations”, according to the Florida Department of State.Voting the dead since 2004
For more on Nate and his various adventures, check out this NYT article.
This is just part of one state’s story. There’s a lot more tales to tell coming up in the upcoming “voter fraud” post.Just protecting our "rights" and screwing our "lefts".
There’s also quite a bit more information on voter fraud here.
And, while I’m on the subject of voter suppression, there is an argument for limiting the vote in one of my earlier posts: Too Many People Vote!. (Available as always, just a click away.) I guaranty Repugs won’t like it, because it doesn’t discriminate against minorities, the poor, women or Democrats in general. It just might affect the Repug voting base just a teeny bit, but that’s just collateral damage since it will hit a few Dems as well. (Or are the Dems, the collateral damage? ….eh, well, 27 of one, 3 cubed of the other.) Anyway, check out the post. I think you just might agree with a good deal of it.
The “Matthew 7:16″ Problem
I’m sure that more than a few of you have run into the 553 error notification when trying to communicate.Error 553 For those of us from the Cretaceous (snail-mail) age, it’s the computer version of ”Return to sender”!
Sorry, just couldn’t resist slipping a little Elvis in.
This one is a perennial favorite with the Repugs. No matter who they run, or how much the candidate kow-tows to the “Party Line”, when they end up losing, it’s because “the message didn’t get through to the voters”. This excuse is absolutely hilarious! Republican “Doctors of Spinology” are incredibly effective at getting their message across. They’ve been convincing people to vote against their own self-interests for decades. Plus, as everyone’s grandpa used to say, “Actions speak louder than words!”
The problem isn’t that the message didn’t get across. The problem is that it did!
This is the “Matthew 7:16″ problem: “Ye shall know them by their fruits.” (And, I ain’t talkin’ “Log Cabin Republicans”, so get your mind out of the gutter.)
As every society advances (or at least when it advances) there is always a segment that rebels against progress. The kind that think “The old ways were good enough for me, so they’re good enough for everybody else!” (You know, like when white men ran everything and everybody else knew their place.Or else!!) A lot of pundits have commented about the Republican Platform taking us back to the 1950′s, but if you seek the source of some of their ideas, you have to go a lot further back then that.
Several early examples of what Republicans in 2012 had devolved into (Repuglicans), came not from the the candidates themselves, but from their constituency.
In light of the above (and other) incidents,It’s not surprising that the Repug “brand” continued to lose market share as the debates dragged on.
And, of course, since the candidates had to seduce this crowd or never make it to the finals, they all (except Huntsman) tried to position themselves to the right of the rest. Sometimes, it got hilarious watching them stumble over each other scrambling for the title of “MOST CONSERVATIVE”. Not that any of the candidates were that “great shakes” anyway. As Huntsman said later, “….the barriers of entry to this game are pretty damn low.”
The fun (sort of) part of all this, was that the whole country was watching. The Repugs had decided to hold a record number of clown…..I mean candidate debates, in a year when the 1st string (Jeb Bush, Chris Christie, et al) all decided to sit it out. As a result almost every primary candidate got their “15 minutes of fame”. What they did with it sank the party even more.
At one point, even Herman Cain (‘ol “Niner-Niner-Niner) was leading the pack. I mean, come on, ol’ Herm may have a future as a stand-up comic, but President? I don’t think so! Then there were Repugs like Todd Akin, Allen West, Sister Sarah, Michele Bachmann and Joe Walsh: all tea potty faves, but they scared the shit out of the rest of the country.
So, between the primaries, the debates, the loose cannons and the billion dollar ad/smear campaign, you have to admit the Repuglican message got through loud and clear. Most of the country just wasn’t buying it.
Double Down, Double Dumb
This is a tough, almost impossible, problem to solve. In the end, it may well be the primary factor in the regionalization and final dissolution of the party. (I’ll explore that in the next (last) episode.) This is where you run headlong into the hardcore “true believers”. The same people that knew it was going to be a Willard landslide and they were going to take back the senate and expand the house. The same people who booed the gay soldier, cheered the excessive Texas executions, that thought letting the uninsured die without treatment was a great idea. The same people who think the word from Bullshit Mountain is pure gospel and all of the rest is “liberal media lies”.
The base of the problem is that the Republican Party no longer controls the Repuglican Party.
Quick! Name the head of the Republican Party! Sorry, it ain’t Reinhold Reince Priebus. (Years ago in Portland there was a TV Pitchman who earned the sobriquet “The Weasel”. Damn if Reinhold doesn’t bring him to mind.)
It sure as hell isn’t John Boehner. Not after the disaster of “Plan B”. Mitch McConnell is too damn scared of being “primaried”, let alone face an actress in the general to be the “Man-in-charge”.
The head of the Republican Party is not an elected politician. And no, it’s not Grover Norquist, or Karl Rove, or Billo the Clown, or even Rushbo.
The sad fact is that one of these two is the “Man-in-charge”: Even sadder, it’s the one on the left.
Roger Ailes is Boss Bull on Bullshit Mountain. While Karl (Turd Blossom) Rove may have an in with a lot of rich twitches, Rush (“Will somebody please find my meds!”) Limbaugh may have his dodo heads, and Grover (He was cuter on Sesame Street.) Norquist may have his “taxaphobics”, Roger’s Realm covers the entire spectrum of the low-information, mentally lazy portion of the population. (Aka: the Republican Base and fellow travelers.)
Over the last few months there have been a number of pundits commenting on “the bubble”. Fox is the bubble!
This is where the fantasy fountain spews forth its magical myst of misinformation, misdirection and plain, old-fashioned smoke and mirrors.
Fox is the reason that the right (from Willard on over) got blindsided when the voting results came in. All those months, (years really) Fox had been feeding them this worldview that had very little basis in reality. And, because it appealed to their preconceived notions, they bought it hook, line and sinker. What they did, essentially, was outsource their thinking! The funny (hilarious, actually) thing about it is that a lot of Fox’s own bought into it as well, not to mention a lot of other people (like Karl & Willard) who should have known better.
Bullshit Mountain claims (of course) to be all about news (fair & balanced and all that bull flop). What they are is a classic example of a propaganda machine. If the NY Times motto is “All the news that’s fit to print.” BS Mtn’s is “All the news that fits our view. (And, if it don’t, then make it!)“
Since Faux Noise is the “voice of the burning bush” to the loco yokels that comprise the majority of the Repuglican base, whatever the line of the day is, they follow it pretty much in lock step.
I cover Rog a bit in “The Tea Potty (pt 8: Players & Takers)“, and sometime soon (relatively) I’m going to devote a whole post to him. But now, he’s just part of the story.
Wrap time for this episode. There’s a bunch more to be said about Rog, BS Mtn, and the wingnut media, and I will next time around in “Repugnut Thoughts (pt. 4: THE FINAL SOLUTION)” I’ll also cover the final fate of the Repuglicans as well the future of the tea potty. Spoiler Alert: They’ll be back! (The baggers, not the pachyderms.)
Stay tuned sports fans.
Grouchy
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Grumbles From an Old Grouch
"I'm not everybody's 'cuppa tea'…….But, then again, I don't try to be!"
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A Bit About Me (As if you really, really give a shit)
Biblical Beasts & Boogymen [UNDER CONSTRUCTION]
Fryin’ Ryan – What You Really Need to Know About Paul Ryan (b.y.o. nausea pills)
Mormonism: “The Big Con?” A “Religious Wrong” Special Report (pt 1)
Mormonism: “The Big Con?” A “Religious Wrong” Special Report (pt 2)
Mormonism: “The Big Con?” A “Religious Wrong” Special Report (pt 3)
Mormonism: “The Big Con?” A “Religious Wrong” SpecialReport (pt 4) [UNDER CONSTRUCTION]
Repugnut Thoughts (Mine, not theirs (pt. 1))
Repugnut Thoughts (pt. 2: The Turd Blossom Rationalizations)
Repugnut Thoughts (pt. 3: Ayn Rand, Graveyard Voters & Matthew 7:16)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 1: 2nd Amendment Bullshit)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 2: To Heller & Back)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 3: Collateral Damage)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 4: The Usual Suspects)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 5: More of the Usual)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 6: Da BIG Dawgs) [UNDER CONSTRUCTION
The Religious Wrong (pt 1: The Puritanical Years)
The Religious Wrong (pt 2: The Hateteenth Century)
The Religious Wrong (pt 3: The Great(?) Awakening)
The Repuglican War on Women (pt 1: Oh, my Akin Ryan)
The Repuglican War on Women (pt 2: Meanwhile, back in the states.)
The Repuglican War on Women (pt 2b (or not 2b): Meanwhile, back in the states. cont.) [UNDER CONSTRUCTION]
The Scurge(?) or Scourge(?) of Socialism
The Tea Potty (pt 1: The Early Years)
The Tea Potty (pt 10: Clowns & Commodians cont.)
The Tea Potty (pt 2: The “Knights” in Cotton Armor)
The Tea Potty (pt 3: Civil Rights, Civil Wrongs, Civil Rumps)
The Tea Potty (pt 4: From Vietnam to Ventura)
The Tea Potty (pt 5: Who the hell are these people?)
The Tea Potty (pt 6: In the beginning, there was Astro-Turf)
The Tea Potty (pt 7-The local Locos)
The Tea Potty (pt 8: Players & Takers)
The Tea Potty (pt 9-Clowns & Commodians)
The Theory of Evil-ution vs The Myth-ology of Creationism (pt 1)
The Theory of Evil-ution vs The Myth-ology of Creationism (pt 2)
There Are Not Two Sides To Every Story!
Too Many People Vote!
Why Do We Have The Most Powerful Military In The World? (No, Seriously. Why?) (pt 1)
Why Do We Have The Most Powerful Military In The World? (No, seriously. Why?) (pt 2)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 1: 2nd Amendment Bullshit)
◾Myth: A fiction or half-truth, especially one that forms part of an ideology. (legend, story, tradition, fiction, saga, fable, parable, allegory, fairy story, folk tale, urban myth, urban legend, illusion, story, fancy, fantasy, imagination, invention, delusion, superstition, fabrication, falsehood, figment, tall story, cock and bull story)
◾Mythos: The underlying system of beliefs, especially those dealing with supernatural forces, characteristic of a particular cultural group.
◾Myths: Plural of myth.
◾NRA: Stage name for the National Rifle Manufactures’ Association of Lobbyists.
When you were a kid, did you ever play “cops & robbers”, “star wars” or “cowboys & Indians,”?
Well, the NRA want’s you to play it “for realzies”!
Ok, let me get a few things out of the way before we get started:
◾I am not anti-gun, however I do tend to be anti-shooting of anything living.
◾I’m also not anti-gun owner. I’m fascinated by medieval swords, but that doesn’t mean that I would ever hack someone to death with one, any more than the average gun owner would be irresponsible with their usage. (Gun-buttheads, on the other hand……)
◾I understand hunting for food when there isn’t a supermarket within a mile or so, but don’t try to tell me hunting is a sport. There’s only two ways in which hunting could be considered a sport. 1) Weaponless hunting. (i.e. mano-a-bestia) Just you and the bear, and may the best critter win. 2) When they develop a weapon that an animal can accurately fire back. (In other words, you can bare arms if they can arm bears.) THEN it’s a sport. Until then, non-food hunting is just a substitute for a shriveled dick.Nuff said!
◾I do enjoy target shooting. In fact, that was my favorite part of the army (other than not “re-uping”).
◾I realize that there are situations and places where a gun is more or less appropriate. (Despite what the nutters think, churches, schools and bars are not among those places.) When I was in concert promotion, I used to have to carry a heavy amount of cash from time to time. I carried police-grade mace, but I can understand carrying a gun if you are properly trained in how and when to use it and when NOT to use it.
I should probably reiterate one of my standard disclaimers for those readers new to my postings. I give stupidity and stupid people exactly the respect that they deserve: NOT A DAMN BIT. I’m not talking about ignorance. Ignorance is simply the absence of knowledge, and that’s easily curable. Stupidity seems to be the abhorrence of knowledge as in: “Don’t confuse me with facts, my mind’s already made up!” Unfortunately, stupidity seems to be incurable.
My regular readers know that I like to inject a bit of humor in my posts “to make the medicine go down”. And, there will be the usual amount of jabs & jibes at gun-buttheads in general, the NRA in particular, and Ted Nugent specifically. But, don’t think for a second that I find real gun violence in the least bit funny. It is an absolute tragedy that in a lot of ways is uniquely American.
Be warned that there are three rather looooong lists included (free of charge, of course). At the end of this post you’ll find a militia list. (In case you get a hankerin’ to join.) In pt. 5 (when I finish it) you’ll find the NRA “Enemies” list, an abridged version of their much longer one. These first two lists are for skimming. However, you might want to check out the “Collateral Damage” list in more depth. It comes in pt. 3: “Collateral Damage“, complete with links to more info.
THE SECOND AMENDMENT WAS NOT PUT THERE TO PROTECT THE PEOPLE FROM THE GOVERNMENT. IT WAS PUT THERE TO PROTECT THE GOVERNMENT FROM THE PEOPLE!
There are many myths that have found their way into “the American Story”. Some were tall tales to begin with, like Pocahontas or George & the cherry tree. Some were twisted versions of real events like the Boston Tea Party. (It wasn’t about taxation and representation, it was about smuggling profits.) And, some have been shaped (and in some cases, distorted) to advance political goals. Part 1 of this series is about one of those: The 2nd Amendment.
Guns, Slaves & the FF
THE SECOND AMENDMENT
“A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.”
27 words. A bit ungrammatical, even for back in the 1790′s. (And, believe me, I know ungrammatical sentences. I write them all the time.) Still, it looks pretty straight forward. Shouldn’t be any problem understanding it. Right?
Well……It’s amazing how a couple hundred years and varying political mind sets can alter the interpretation.
Ok, this is going to get rather nerdy to start off folks. (Nerdy words for wordy nerds?) Sorry ’bout that, but “sometimes ya jist gotta do whatcha jist gotta do, if ya wanna git’er done“. (And, you can quote me on that!)
There were actually two main versions of the 2nd, the one above that congress passed and one that the states ratified. (There were other versions, but they don’t count.) The differences were in capitalization and punctuation, so I used the Congressional version.
First thing to be done is take a close look at the key words in their 1791 context:
◾well-regulated: (adj.) Of a business, military outfit, routine, etc. controlled or supervised to conform to rules, regulations, tradition, etc.
◾Militia: (n.) From Latin militia for miles soldier (military service). In the 1580s, it meant “system of military discipline”. In the 1690′s it meant “citizen army” as distinct from professional soldiers. For what it meant it the 1790′s, I refer you to the 1st & 2nd Militia Acts of 1792 in which militias are addressed as state and local militia companies, not individuals.600 Rounds per minute man And, then of course there’s that pesky ol’ constitution itself. Specifically Article 1, Section 8: “To provide for calling forth the Militia to execute the Laws of the Union, suppress Insurrections and repel Invasions; To provide for organizing, arming, and disciplining, the Militia, and for governing such Part of them as may be employed in the Service of the United States, reserving to the States respectively, the Appointment of the Officers, and the Authority of training the Militia according to the discipline prescribed by Congress“
◾the right of the people: This particular phrase is used in two other places in the Bill of Rights: The 1st & the 4th. The 1st deals with keeping mythology out of government and giving whackos the legal right to spout absolute garbage. (Without it, there would be no “Bullshit Mtn”.) The 4th deals with probable cause, search warrants and the like. To both of these amendments, there are limitations. Speech may be free, but not if it’s libelous, or inflames violence. And, if you think that you are immune from warrantless searches and seizures, you haven’t been paying attention the last 12 years. For instance, the IRS can read your email without a warrant if it’s stored in “the cloud” or if it’s in your computer over 180 days. (Seriously! They can!) Still, the gun-buttheads seem to think their beloved 2nd is exempt from any type of restrictions. Even “District of Columbia v. Heller” didn’t go that far. (I’ll have more to say on “Heller” in pt. 2: To Heller & Back.))
◾necessary to the security of a free State: In the 1790′s context, does the word “state” refer to geography such as Virginia or the U.S. or does it refer to the population? Neither! It refers to government, as in: “THE STATE“. Those Militia Acts were set up to deal with situations like Shays’ Rebellion
—
Mr Shays & Friend
and (my personal favorite:) The Whiskey Rebellion. Whee Haw!(I covered that in “The Tea Potty (pt: 1 The Early Years)”. Citizen militias were supposed to be for the protection of the government against armed rebellions. This was essentially a continuation of English law dating back to the Assize of Arms of 1181. More on that in “pt. 2: To Heller & Back” (This is where the “gun-butts” and the 2nd Amendment idiots get it “bass-akword”: The 2nd wasn’t placed there to protect the people from the government, it was placed there to protect the government from the people.
◾
Arms: When the 2nd Amendment was ratified (1791) the weapons available to the military were the same the same weapons available to the general population. Revolutionary Rifles In fact, almost all of the weapons used by the colonists in the Revolutionary war were theirs. In colonial days, a rifle was an essential piece of farm equipment. Unless you lived in a town, a lot of your marketing was done in the surrounding forest. (Ralph’s and/or King Kullen hadn’t invented the supermarket yet.) Also, you needed rifles to fight off those damn pesky redskins that had the audacious idea that this was their land and we were all illegal immigrants. (Of course, they were right!) Actually, there were a lot more raids by immigrants practicing ethnic cleansing against the native population than the other way around. (But, we don’t talk about that aspect very much.) Now, this may come as a shock to more than a few baggers and gun butts, but it ain’t the 1700′s any more, and civilian and military weaponry ain’t equivalent any more. (More on that in a moment.) Plus, I could be wrong, but I don’t think the Founding Daddy’s ever envisioned 650 rounds per minute weapons or 100 cartridge ammo clips, so saying that they would approve of their indiscriminate private ownership leaves a large gaping hole in logic.
◾
shall not be infringed: Viewed in the context of 1181 through 1792, this makes perfect sense. In the context of 2013, it is absolutely ludicrous. Remember, that in the 1790′s the country wasn’t too firmly implanted yet. Plus, there had been a number of rebellions in the recent past such as the aforementioned Shays (MA 1786-87) and Whiskey (PA 1791), as well as the Negro Plot of 1741 (NY 1741), the War of the Regulation (NC & SC 1765-71), the Pennsylvania Mutiny of 1783 (PA 1783), and the then upcoming Frie’s Rebellion (PA 1799-1800). The government needed men in arms, but couldn’t afford to pay for too many of them because of major financial problems. (See: The Tea Potty (pt: 1 The Early Years) The solution was simple: Let civilians join organized militias and pay for their own weapons. So, it made a great deal of sense to insert wording forbidding infringements. Otherwise, you could end up with a weaponless militia and what the hell good were those to the state? All that being said, I’ve got a not-so-late-breaking news flash for ya: As I said under “the right of the people“, Constitutional rights are infringed all the time. From the FCC to the CIA, they all have lots of exceptions to “not infringing on your rights”. So, that whole argument is D.O.A.!
Lastly, the stated purpose for the amendment (“being necessary to the security of a free State“) no longer exists. The U.S. military can defend the country from enemies both foreign and domestic quite nicely! (They damn well better be able to, we spend over 42% of the world’s military budget on them.)
And, speaking earlier of civilian and military weapon non-equivalency, this one’s for the baggers and the buttheads and the various right-wing “militias” (Quick, name one left-wing militia in the U.S.? Betcha can’t!): Coming soon to a “Ruby Ridge” near you. (and not on the “militia’s” side):
Active right-wing militia groups in the United States as of 2010
And finally, going back to the “militia” part, check out this list of militias (in your back yard?) Then, ask yourself a question: “Do you really feel safer with these people armed to the teeth and looking for trouble”?
MILITIA group name
State, county or locale
2nd Alabama Militia Alabama, Mobile
Alabama Shoals Badgers Alabama, Tuscumbia
Alaska Citizens Militia Alaska, Nikiski
Arizona Citizens Militia Arizona, Douglas
Arizona Militia Arizona, Glendale
Cochise County Militia Arizona, Tombstone
Northern Arizona Militia Arizona, Flagstaff
Militia of Washington County Arkansas, Fayetteville
American Resistance Movement All States, USA/Nation-Wide area
State of California Unorganized Militia California, Monrovia
Minutemen Militia Colorado, Fort Collins
Florida Free Alliance Florida, Nokomis
Florida Free Militia Florida, Palm Coast
Georgia Militia Georgia, Chatham County
Militia of Georgia Georgia, Lawrenceville
Idaho Citizens Constitutional Militia Idaho, statewide
North Idaho Light Foot Militia Idaho, Bonner County
135th Illinois Volunteer Cavalry Illinois, statewide
Illinois State Militia (Unorganized) 167th Battalion, 21st FF Illinois, statewide
Indiana Citizens Volunteer Militia, 3rd Brigade Indiana, Tippecanoe County
Indiana Constitutional Militia Indiana, statewide
Indiana Militia Corps Indiana, Statewide
Indiana Sedentary Militia Indiana, Hendricks County
Indiana Sons of Liberty Indiana, Statewide
Indiana’s Greene County Militia Indiana, Greene County
Indiana State Militia 14th Regiment Indiana, Owen County
Kansas State Militia Kansas, Wichita
1st Joint Public Militia Kentucky, Bowling Green
Kentucky State Militia – Ohio Valley Command Kentucky, Louisville
Northern Kentucky Militia 105th “Blue Guard” Kentucky, Bracken,Mason,Pendleton,Countys
Louisiana Militia Louisiana, statewide
Louisiana Unorganized Militia Louisiana, Abbeville
Maine Constitutional Militia Maine, statewide
Southern Sons of Liberty Maryland, statewide
Delta 5 Mobile Light Infantry Militia Michigan, Eaton County
East-Central Volunteer Militia of Michigan Michigan, Lapeer County
Hutaree Militia Michigan, Southern
Jackson County Volunteers Michigan, Jackson County
Lenawee County Free and Independent Militia Michigan, Adrian
Michigan Militia Michigan, Redford
Michigan Militia Corps Wolverines 8th Division Michigan, South Central
Northern Michigan Backyard Protection Militia Michigan, Northern
Southeast Michigan Volunteer Militia Michigan, 13 counties
West Michigan Volunteer Militia Michigan, Muskegon County
Capitol City Militia Michigan, Eaton County and Ingham County
Mid Michigan Militia Michigan,7 Counties,centered around Ingham County
Ocqueoc Militia Michigan, Presque Isle County, Montmorency County, Alpena County, Cheboygan County
Minnesota Militia/Army of Mississippi Minnesota, St. Cloud
Minnesota Minutemen militia Minnesota
Constitution Defense Militia of Attala County (CDMAC) Mississippi, Attala County
East Central Mississippi Militia Mississippi, East Central
Missouri Militia Missouri, Kansas City
Militia of Montana Montana, Noxon
New Hampshire Patriot Militia New Hampshire, statewide
United States Constitution Rangers New Hampshire, West Lebanon
New Jersey Militia New Jersey, Trenton
New Jersey Guardian Angels New Jersey, Jackson
Empire State Militia 11th Field Force New York, Northwestern
Sons of Liberty New York, Buffalo
Bloodville Volunteers New York, Saratoga County
North Carolina Citizens Militia North Carolina, Charlotte
Constitutional Militia of Clark County Ohio, Clark County
Northeastern Ohio Defense Force 3BN Ohio, Lisbon
Northwestern Ohio Defense Force 4BN Ohio, Kenton
Ohio Defense Force State Headquarters Ohio, Zanesville
Ohio Militia Ohio, statewide
Southeastern Ohio Defense Force 3rd Platoon Ohio, Belmont County
Southwestern Ohio Defense Force 5BN Ohio, Lebanon
Unorganized Militia of Champaign County Ohio, St. Paris
Oregon Militia Corps Oregon, statewide
Southern Oregon Militia Oregon, Eagle Point
Keystone Freedom Fighters Pennsylvania, Gettysburg
East Tennessee Militia Tennessee, East
American Patriots for Freedom Foundation Texas, Spring
Central Texas Militia Texas, Central
Texas Well Regulated Militia Texas, Edwards County
Texas State Militia Texas
Virginia Citizens Militia Virginia, Roanoke
King County Volunteer Militia Washington, King County
Kitsap County WA Militia Washington, Kitsap County
Washington State Militia Washington, statewide
Coming up in pt. 2: a trip to the fantasy land inhabited by the partisan hacks in the not-so-Supreme Court. See you next time in “To Heller & Back”
Grouchy
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Grumbles From an Old Grouch
"I'm not everybody's 'cuppa tea'…….But, then again, I don't try to be!"
Search
Main menu
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Home
A Bit About Me (As if you really, really give a shit)
Biblical Beasts & Boogymen [UNDER CONSTRUCTION]
Fryin’ Ryan – What You Really Need to Know About Paul Ryan (b.y.o. nausea pills)
Mormonism: “The Big Con?” A “Religious Wrong” Special Report (pt 1)
Mormonism: “The Big Con?” A “Religious Wrong” Special Report (pt 2)
Mormonism: “The Big Con?” A “Religious Wrong” Special Report (pt 3)
Mormonism: “The Big Con?” A “Religious Wrong” SpecialReport (pt 4) [UNDER CONSTRUCTION]
Repugnut Thoughts (Mine, not theirs (pt. 1))
Repugnut Thoughts (pt. 2: The Turd Blossom Rationalizations)
Repugnut Thoughts (pt. 3: Ayn Rand, Graveyard Voters & Matthew 7:16)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 1: 2nd Amendment Bullshit)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 2: To Heller & Back)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 3: Collateral Damage)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 4: The Usual Suspects)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 5: More of the Usual)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 6: Da BIG Dawgs) [UNDER CONSTRUCTION
The Religious Wrong (pt 1: The Puritanical Years)
The Religious Wrong (pt 2: The Hateteenth Century)
The Religious Wrong (pt 3: The Great(?) Awakening)
The Repuglican War on Women (pt 1: Oh, my Akin Ryan)
The Repuglican War on Women (pt 2: Meanwhile, back in the states.)
The Repuglican War on Women (pt 2b (or not 2b): Meanwhile, back in the states. cont.) [UNDER CONSTRUCTION]
The Scurge(?) or Scourge(?) of Socialism
The Tea Potty (pt 1: The Early Years)
The Tea Potty (pt 10: Clowns & Commodians cont.)
The Tea Potty (pt 2: The “Knights” in Cotton Armor)
The Tea Potty (pt 3: Civil Rights, Civil Wrongs, Civil Rumps)
The Tea Potty (pt 4: From Vietnam to Ventura)
The Tea Potty (pt 5: Who the hell are these people?)
The Tea Potty (pt 6: In the beginning, there was Astro-Turf)
The Tea Potty (pt 7-The local Locos)
The Tea Potty (pt 8: Players & Takers)
The Tea Potty (pt 9-Clowns & Commodians)
The Theory of Evil-ution vs The Myth-ology of Creationism (pt 1)
The Theory of Evil-ution vs The Myth-ology of Creationism (pt 2)
There Are Not Two Sides To Every Story!
Too Many People Vote!
Why Do We Have The Most Powerful Military In The World? (No, Seriously. Why?) (pt 1)
Why Do We Have The Most Powerful Military In The World? (No, seriously. Why?) (pt 2)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 2: To Heller & Back)
A quick heads-up for my more prudish readers: A few paragraphs down the post, I drop the “F” bomb. (There are times when semi-crudities just aren’t enough!)
The (Not So) Supremes
The Not So's (circa 2008)—
The Not So’s (circa 2008)
As “proof” of their 2nd Amendment misinterpretation, the NRA and assorted gun butt-heads often cite District of Columbia v. Heller.
Back in the 6th grade I remember learning that American judges were Solomon personified: wise and fair, but above all – IMPARTIAL!!
And then there’s the Supreme Court.
Supreme-Court-FailSCOTUS, over the years has had its ups and downs but the present court is the pits! (Bush v. Gore (2000); McConnell v. FEC (2003); Hamdi v. Rumsfeld (2004); Citizen’s United v. FEC (2010); etc, etc,) It’s been on a mostly downhill slide since the Warren years. Not coincidentally, it’s gotten a lot more partisan during that same time period.
Ideology seems to rule the thought(?) processes of at least three justices partisan hacks: (Scalia, Thomas & Alito). The CJ is a part-time member of that group, but other times, he seems to be far more concerned about his “legacy” than his ideology. That turned out to be very important to “ObamaCare”, or as it was originally known: “RomneyCare”. (Of course, that was before Willie became a self-described “severe conservative”.)
As the constitution would have it, the court is the final (for a while) say in what’s “constitutional” and what ain’t. And in 2008, for the first time in 70 years, the court got to rule on gun ownership rights. (And, they fucking blew it!)
This is a long post, so I won’t go into the background of the suit. It’s really not pertinent. If you’d like, you can check out the Wikipedia article on “Heller”.
What’s pertinent, are the convolutions the “right side” of the court had to create in order to justify their conclusions.
First, let’s take another look at the 2nd:2nd-amendmentAnd now, directly from the muddled minds of the right-wing majority:
The Second Amendment protects an individual right to possess a firearm unconnected with service in a militia, Something's missing here(To which, I’m forced to ask “Then why the hell does the amendment list that as a prerequisite?“) and to use that arm for traditionally lawful purposes, such as self-defense within the home. (Just exactly where does it say that? Or is that just an example of justification trumping evidence?)
◾(a) The Amendment’s prefatory clause announces a purpose, (Excuse me, but when there’s only one purpose listed, then it’s THE purpose, not A purpose. That’s both basic English and Legalese even back in the 1700′s) but does not limit or expand the scope of the second part, the operative clause. (If there is only one purpose listed, then it does limit the scope of the second part to that purpose. As to the expanding part, I agree. There is nothing in the wording that expands it beyond militia usage.) The operative clause’s text and history demonstrate that it connotes an individual right to keep and bear arms. (I’ve already ripped apart their text claims back in pt.1. The amendment was for the protection of the government, not the people! And, interestingly enough, no history was sited later than the 1800′s. By the early 1900′s, most citizen’s militias had more or less gone the way of the dodo (unless you count the KKK). And no, the National Guard doesn’t qualify. They are under the ultimate authority of the President, as Governor Faubus found out back in ’57. Besides, the NG provides its own weapons.)
◾(b) The prefatory clause comports with the Court’s interpretation of the operative clause. (No! It doesn’t! But at least they admit that their view is subjective rather than objective.) The “militia” comprised all males physically capable of acting in concert for the common defense. (A militia is composed of people who are actually in a militia, not “Bubba Tudum” sittin’ on his porch with a Bushmaster looking for black helicopters.) The Anti-federalists (who were staunchly opposed to the constitution in the first place)
1793 anti Anti-Federalist cartoon—
1793 anti Anti-Federalist cartoon
feared that the Federal Government would disarm the people in order to disable this citizens’ militia, enabling a politicized standing army or a select militia to rule. (Even back then the nutty right was trying to gain power by spreading fear and uncertainty. Some things don’t change much. Btw, a good portion of those Anti-federalists were “American Loyalists” during the Revolutionary War. They were “loyal” to old King George and the British Crown, not the revolution.) The response was to deny Congress power to abridge the ancient right of individuals to keep and bear arms, (Actually, “the ancient right” kinda, sorta, but not really, goes back to the Assize of Arms of 1181. However, the Assize of Arms did not describe an ancient legal or political individual right to arms, rather the Assize of Arms represented an imposed responsibility on subjects of knight rank or higher. “There was no ancient political or legal precedent for the right to arms. The Ancient Constitution did not include it; (The Ancient Constitution isn’t really ancient. It originated in the eighteenth century.) it was neither in Magna Charta 1215 nor in the Petition of Right 1628. No early English government would have considered giving the individual such a right. Through the old militia laws —Henry II’s Assize of Arms (1181) and Edward I’s Statute of Winchester (1285)— early governments had imposed a responsibility on subjects, according to their income, to be prepared” Lois G.Schwoerer:. Tö Hold And Bear Arms: The English Perspective”. Chicago-Kent Law Review (2000) so that the ideal of a citizens’ militia would be preserved. (As I pointed out earlier, there were a lot more reasons for the Amendment than just that.)
◾(c) The Court’s interpretation is confirmed by analogous arms-bearing rights in state constitutions that preceded and immediately followed the Second Amendment. (Ahh, but how did the courts rule on those? Stay tuned, sports fans.)
◾(d) The Second Amendment’s drafting history, while of dubious interpretive worth, reveals three state Second Amendment proposals that unequivocally referred to an individual right to bear arms. (I’ll agree with them on this one. It is of TOTALLY dubious worth. This is just another example of the hacks scrambling for any scrap to justify their conclusions. Proposals are just that – proposals. Someone could have proposed that to qualify for gun ownership, you had to do a double back flip while simultaneously sucking three toes (one on one foot and two on the other) and whistling “Yankee Doodle”. The only thing that counts is the final package.)
◾(e) Interpretation of the Second Amendment by scholars, courts and legislators, from immediately after its ratification through the late 19th century also supports the Court’s conclusion. (That’s a humongous pile of taurus cacas! (Latin for the north end extrusions of a south-facing male of the bovine persuasion.) In Tennessee, the court ruled (Aymette v. State (1840)) that the right to “bear arms” meant only the right to carry weapons in a public military context, not to carry concealed weapons for personal protection. In Arkansas, the court ruled (State v. Buzzard (1842)) that the sole purpose of the Second Amendment was to secure a well-regulated militia: “the language used appears to indicate, distinctly, that this, and this alone, was the object for which the article under consideration was adopted.“ In North Carolina, the court ruled (Barron v. Baltimore (1844)) “[t]hat the people have a right to bear arms, for the defence of the State; and, as standing armies, in time of peace, are dangerous to liberty, they ought not to be kept up; and that the military should be kept under strict subordination to, and governed by, the civil power.“ A quick tip of the sombrero to the folks at davekopel.org. They were the source of these rulings as well as a hell of a lot more info on 19th century gun control legislation. Btw, Dave Kopel, as of you may or may not know is not exactly a bleeding heart lib. He’s the Research Director of the Independence Institute and an Associate Policy Analyst at the Cato Institute.)
◾(f) None of the Court’s precedents forecloses the Court’s interpretation. (Just in case you didn’t read that last sentence too closely, I’d like to point out that they didn’t say that the precedents agreed with their findings, just that they didn’t say anything contrary to their findings.) Neither United States v. Cruikshank, 92 U. S. 542 , (On one hand, I can not believe they used this as a precedent. But unfortunately, on the other hand, maybe I can. This one deserves a bit of background.
African Americans tending to their wounded Easter Sunday, 1873 in Colfax, Lousiana—
African-Americans tending to their wounded Easter Sunday, 1873 in Colfax, Louisiana
On Easter Sunday, April 13, 1873, an armed WHITE militia attacked BLACK Republican freedmen gathered at the Colfax, Louisiana, courthouse in what became known as the Colfax massacre. (If you were white, you just called it the Colfax riot.) The estimates of the number of blacks killed range from 150 to 280. Most of those were killed after they surrendered. Several militia members were charged under the Enforcement Act of 1870. This law made it a felony for two or more people conspired to deprive anyone of his constitutional rights. The militia members were convicted and the case worked its way up to the Supreme Court. The justices reversed the decision, based on their opinion that the Bill of Rights (including the 2nd Amendment) didn’t apply to states, only to the federal government. I kid you not! Other than that, there was very little here that was pertinent to Heller. Btw, this was the same court that set back the civil rights movement decades with decisions like the Slaughterhouse Cases and Stauder v. West Virginia while also setting back the women’s movement with the likes of Minor v. Happersett & Bradwell v. Illinois. I won’t say that the court was racist and/or sexist. I’ll just say that they weren’t too fond of the 14th Amendment and all that “equal-protection” jazz. And, as Mormons found out with Reynolds v. United States, they weren’t too crazy about the 1st Amendment either. Since the 1875 ruling, major portions of Cruikshank have been overturned by later (and better) versions of the Supremes.) Presser v. Illinois, 116 U. S. 252 , refutes the individual-rights interpretation. (The court stated: “We think it clear that the sections under consideration, which only forbid bodies of men to associate together as military organizations, or to drill or parade with arms in cities and towns unless authorized by law, do not infringe the right of the people to keep and bear arms.” Both Cruikshank and Presser have been consistently cited by the courts to deny individual gun rights claims and provide justification to state and local governments to pass laws that regulate guns. Seems to me, that’s the exact opposite of what the hacks are claiming.) United States v. Miller, 307 U. S. 174 , does not limit the right to keep and bear arms to militia purposes, but rather limits the type of weapon to which the right applies to those used by the militia, i.e., those in common use for lawful purposes. Pp. 47–54. (This one was about a legal challenge to the National Firearms Act of 1934 which required registration of certain weapons, including shotguns, and a tax payment. Miller claimed this violated his 2nd Amendment rights. A District Court had upheld the challenge and the government appealed it to the Supreme Court.
The court reversed and remanded the case, writing: “In the absence of any evidence tending to show that possession or use of a ‘shotgun having a barrel of less than eighteen inches in length’ at this time has some reasonable relationship to the preservation or efficiency of a well regulated militia, we cannot say that the Second Amendment guarantees the right to keep and bear such an instrument“. For 60 years courts, with few exceptions, cited Miller as a reason to reject challenges to federal firearm regulations.
A quick note before we get into the dissents as written by Judges Breyer & Stevens and joined by Ginsburg & Souter: I purposely did not read their dissents before I wrote my “snark review” of the above. I wanted to come to my own conclusions on the matter. I formed my conclusions based on research, with input across the political spectrum, along with my experience. Turns out that the dissenting judges came up with a number of the same arguments. This gives me promise of a future reversal. I’ll explain why at the end of this post.
The minority dissent to Heller is a bit long, so I’m just going to hit the highlights:
“The majority’s conclusion is wrong for two independent reasons. The first reason is that set forth by Justice Stevens—namely, that the Second Amendment protects militia-related, not self-defense-related, interests. These two interests are sometimes intertwined. To assure 18th-century citizens that they could keep arms for militia purposes would necessarily have allowed them to keep arms that they could have used for self-defense as well. But self-defense alone, detached from any militia-related objective, is not the Amendment’s concern.”
“The second independent reason is that the protection the Amendment provides is not absolute. The Amendment permits government to regulate the interests that it serves.”
“As evidenced by its preamble, the Amendment was adopted “[w]ith obvious purpose to assure the continuation and render possible the effectiveness of [militia] forces…….The Amendment “must be interpreted and applied with that end in view. United States v. Miller, (1939)”
“The right protected by the Second Amendment is not absolute, but instead is subject to government regulation. Robertson v. Baldwin, (1897)”
I highly recommend you read the entire text of the dissent. It goes into a tremendous amount of detail and cites numerous precedents.
Ok, now for the good news. It is entirely possible that Heller will have a short shelf life. Bad Supreme Court decisions do have a habit of being reversed if part or in full. The original decision was 5 Republicans – 4 Democrats.
Due to various reasons including demographics and the Repugnuts’ incredible ability to shoot themselves in the crotch. We’ve probably seen the last Repuglican president for the foreseeable future. (Check my “Repugnut Thoughts” series for more on that.) No new Repuglican president, no new (Not-so) Supreme nominations.
It may take a while, but as the justices retire or die, the court will eventually shift back in the middle. The loss of just one hack would probably be sufficient to allow a Heller reversal stemming from a new case. I look forward to the day.
Well, that wraps up another episode. See you next time, when I’ll take a look at the consequences of unfettered gun ownership in a little post I call “Collateral Damage“.
Grouchy
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Grumbles From an Old Grouch
"I'm not everybody's 'cuppa tea'…….But, then again, I don't try to be!"
Search
Main menu
Skip to primary content
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Home
A Bit About Me (As if you really, really give a shit)
Biblical Beasts & Boogymen [UNDER CONSTRUCTION]
Fryin’ Ryan – What You Really Need to Know About Paul Ryan (b.y.o. nausea pills)
Mormonism: “The Big Con?” A “Religious Wrong” Special Report (pt 1)
Mormonism: “The Big Con?” A “Religious Wrong” Special Report (pt 2)
Mormonism: “The Big Con?” A “Religious Wrong” Special Report (pt 3)
Mormonism: “The Big Con?” A “Religious Wrong” SpecialReport (pt 4) [UNDER CONSTRUCTION]
Repugnut Thoughts (Mine, not theirs (pt. 1))
Repugnut Thoughts (pt. 2: The Turd Blossom Rationalizations)
Repugnut Thoughts (pt. 3: Ayn Rand, Graveyard Voters & Matthew 7:16)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 1: 2nd Amendment Bullshit)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 2: To Heller & Back)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 3: Collateral Damage)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 4: The Usual Suspects)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 5: More of the Usual)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 6: Da BIG Dawgs) [UNDER CONSTRUCTION
The Religious Wrong (pt 1: The Puritanical Years)
The Religious Wrong (pt 2: The Hateteenth Century)
The Religious Wrong (pt 3: The Great(?) Awakening)
The Repuglican War on Women (pt 1: Oh, my Akin Ryan)
The Repuglican War on Women (pt 2: Meanwhile, back in the states.)
The Repuglican War on Women (pt 2b (or not 2b): Meanwhile, back in the states. cont.) [UNDER CONSTRUCTION]
The Scurge(?) or Scourge(?) of Socialism
The Tea Potty (pt 1: The Early Years)
The Tea Potty (pt 10: Clowns & Commodians cont.)
The Tea Potty (pt 2: The “Knights” in Cotton Armor)
The Tea Potty (pt 3: Civil Rights, Civil Wrongs, Civil Rumps)
The Tea Potty (pt 4: From Vietnam to Ventura)
The Tea Potty (pt 5: Who the hell are these people?)
The Tea Potty (pt 6: In the beginning, there was Astro-Turf)
The Tea Potty (pt 7-The local Locos)
The Tea Potty (pt 8: Players & Takers)
The Tea Potty (pt 9-Clowns & Commodians)
The Theory of Evil-ution vs The Myth-ology of Creationism (pt 1)
The Theory of Evil-ution vs The Myth-ology of Creationism (pt 2)
There Are Not Two Sides To Every Story!
Too Many People Vote!
Why Do We Have The Most Powerful Military In The World? (No, Seriously. Why?) (pt 1)
Why Do We Have The Most Powerful Military In The World? (No, seriously. Why?) (pt 2)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 3: Collateral Damage)
20 YEARS OF 2ND AMENDMENT “COLLATERAL DAMAGE”:
This particular post is mostly a list with a few comments inserted and some of the conclusions I’ve reached after analyzing it thoroughly. One or two of my findings may just surprise you. They surprised me.
The list is long, but I thought you should know. Feel free to check out the links. In fact, please check out the links.
101 California St. shooting
◾7/1/93 San Francisco, California
◾Killed: 9 Wounded: 6
◾Types of weapons: 1 semi-automatic handgun, 2 assault weapons
◾Weapon(s): two .45 caliber Colt; Intratek DC-9s with 40 & 50 round magazines
◾Prior mental Illness signs: ???intratec DC-9
Luigi’s shooting
◾8/6/93 Fayetteville, North Carolina
◾Killed: 4 Wounded: 8
◾Types of weapons: 2 shotguns, 1 rifle
◾Weapon(s): two 12-gauge shotguns; .22 caliber rifle.
◾Prior mental Illness signs: ???
Long Island Railroad massacre
◾12/7/93 Garden City, New York
◾Killed: 6 Wounded: 19
◾Types of weapons:1 semi-automatic handgun
◾Weapon(s): 9 MM Luger P89 with several 15 round magazines
◾Prior mental Illness signs: Yes
Chuck E. Cheese’s killings
◾12/14/93 Aurora, Colorado
◾Killed: 4 Wounded: 1
◾Types of weapons: 1 semi-automatic handgun
◾Weapon(s): 23 caliber handgun
◾Prior mental Illness signs: ???
Fairchild AF Base Hospital shooting
◾6/20/94 Fairchild AF Base, Washington
◾Killed: 5 Wounded: 23
◾Types of weapons: 1 assault weapon
◾Weapon(s): MAK 90 (70 round magazine)
◾Prior mental Illness signs: Yes
MAK 90—
MAK 90
I suppose the NRA’s remedy for situations like this would be “Arm the doctors!” Although, as I recall, that just might go against the Hippocratic Oath.
Walter Rossler Company massacre
◾4/3/95 Corpus Christi, Texas
◾Killed: 6 Wounded: 0
◾Types of weapons: 1 semi-automatic handgun, 1 revolver
◾Weapon(s): 9mm Ruger pistol; .32-caliber revolver
◾Prior mental Illness signs: ???
Fort Lauderdale revenge shooting
◾2/9/96 Fort Lauderdale, Florida
◾Killed: 6 Wounded: 1
◾Types of weapons: 1 semi-automatic handgun
◾Weapon(s): 9mm Glock
◾Prior mental Illness signs: Yes
R.E. Phelon Company shooting
◾9/15/97 Aiken, South Carolina
◾Killed: 4 Wounded: 3
◾Types of weapons: 1 semi-automatic handgun
◾Weapon(s): 9mm pistol
◾Prior mental Illness signs: No
Caltrans maintenance yard shooting
◾12/18/97 Orange, California
◾Killed: 5 Wounded: 2
◾Types of weapons: 1 assault weapon
◾Weapon(s): 7.62mm AK-47 Chinese variant; 30-round magazine
◾Prior mental Illness signs: Yes
AK-47—
AK-47
Connecticut Lottery shooting
◾3/6/98 Newington, Connecticut
◾Killed: 5 Wounded: 1
◾Types of weapons: 1 semi-automatic handgun
◾Weapon(s): 9mm pistol; 19-round large capacity magazine
◾Prior mental Illness signs: Yes
Westside Middle School killings
◾3/24/98 Jonesboro, Arkansas
◾Killed: 5 Wounded: 10
◾Types of weapons: 4 semiautomatic handguns, 3 revolvers, 3 rifles
◾Weapon(s): .22-caliber Double Deuce Buddie two-shot derringer; .38-caliber Davis Industries two-shot derringer; FIE 380; 380 caliber Star; 357 caliber Ruger Security Six; 38 caliber Charter Arms; .38 caliber Smith & Wesson; 30-06 caliber Remington 742, .44 Magnum Ruger; 30 caliber Universal
◾Prior mental Illness signs: ???Westside MS
Thruston High School shooting
◾5/21/98 Springfield, Oregon
◾Killed: 4 Wounded: 25
◾Types of weapons: 2 semi-automatic handguns, 1 rifle
◾Weapon(s): 9 MM Glock, .22 caliber Ruger pistol; .22 caliber Ruger rifle.
◾Prior mental Illness signs: YesThurston High shooting
Columbine High School massacre
◾4/20/99 Littleton, Colorado
◾Killed: 15 Wounded: 24
◾Types of weapons: 2 shotguns, 2 assault weapons
◾Weapon(s): 12-gauge Savage Springfield 67H pump-action shotgun; 12-gauge Savage Stevens 311D sawed-off shotgun; 9mm Hi-Point 995; 9mm Intratec DC-9; (13) 10 round clips, 28, 32 & 52 round magazines
◾Prior mental Illness signs: YesSCHOOL SHOOTINGColumbine had an armed guard on campus. Didn’t help much.
In what was to become a recurring theme, It turns out the killings were part of a master plot to take away our guns. (Well, somebody’s. Not mine. I don’t own any.) At least that’s what some of the “Conspiracies’R'Us” crowd claimed.
Atlanta day trading spree killings
◾7/29/99 Atlanta, Georgia
◾Killed: 9 Wounded: 13
◾Types of weapons: 3 semi-automatic handguns, 1 revolver
◾Weapon(s): .9mm Glock 17, .25-caliber Raven Arms MP-25; .45-calibar Colt 1911A1
◾Prior mental Illness signs: Yes
Wedgwood Baptist Church shooting
◾9/15/99 Fort Worth, Texas
◾Killed: 8 Wounded: 7
◾Types of weapons: 2 semi-automatic handguns
◾Weapon(s): 9mm Ruger P85, .380-caliber pistol; 15-round magazine
◾Prior mental Illness signs: ???
Xerox killings
◾11/2/99 Tampa, Florida
◾Killed: 7 Wounded: 0
◾Types of weapons: 1 semi-automatic handgun
◾Weapon(s): 9mm Glock 17; three 17 round magazines
◾Prior mental Illness signs: Yes
Hotel shooting
◾12/30/99 Tampa, Florida
◾Killed: 5 Wounded: 3
◾Types of weapons: 1 semi-automatic handgun, 1 revolver
◾Weapon(s): 9mm Lorcin; .38-caliber Charter Arms
◾Prior mental Illness signs: Yes
Pittsburgh shooting spree
◾4/28/00 Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
◾Killed: 5 Wounded: 1
◾Types of weapons: handgun
◾Weapon(s): Smith & Wesson .357 revolver
◾Prior mental Illness signs: ???
Wakefield massacre
◾12/26/00 Wakefield, Massachusetts
◾Killed: 7 Wounded: 0
◾Types of weapons:1 semi-automatic handgun, 1 shotgun, 1 assault weapon
◾Weapon(s): .32 caliber Retolaza, 12-gauge Winchester 1300; AK-47 variant
◾Prior mental Illness signs: ???
Navistar shooting
◾2/5/01 Melrose Park, Illinois
◾Killed: 5 Wounded: 4
◾Types of weapons: 1 revolver, 1 shotgun, 2 rifles
◾Weapon(s): .38 caliber revolver; 12-gauge Remington pump-action shotgun; .30 caliber Winchester rifle; SKS 1954R
◾Prior mental Illness signs: ???
Lockheed Martin shooting
◾7/8/03 Meridian, Mississippi
◾Killed: 7 Wounded: 8
◾Types of weapons: 2 semi-automatic handguns, 1 shotgun, 2 rifles
◾Weapon(s): .22 Magnum derringer; .45 caliber Ruger P90; 12-gauge Winchester: 22 caliber rifle; .223 caliber Ruger mini-14 rifle
◾Prior mental Illness signs: Yes
Ruger Mini 14—
Ruger Mini 14
Damageplan show shooting
◾12/8/04 Columbus, Ohio
◾Killed: 5 Wounded: 7
◾Types of weapons: 1 semi-automatic handgun
◾Weapon(s): 9mm Beretta 92FS
◾Prior mental Illness signs: Yes
Living Church of God shooting
◾3/12/05 Columbus, Ohio
◾Killed: 7 Wounded: 4
◾Types of weapons: 1 semi-automatic handgun
◾Weapon(s): 9mm Beretta
◾Prior mental Illness signs: YesLCoG
Red Lake massacre
◾3/21/05 Red Lake, Minnesota
◾Killed: 10 Wounded: 5
◾Types of weapons: 2 semiautomatic handguns, 1 shotgun
◾Weapon(s): .22-caliber Ruger; .40-caliber Glock 23; 12-gauge Remington 870
◾Prior mental Illness signs: YesRed Lake
Goleta postal shootings
◾1/30/06 Goleta, California
◾Killed: 8 Wounded: 0
◾Types of weapons: 1 semi-automatic handgun
◾Weapon(s): 9mm Smith & Wesson 915
◾Prior mental Illness signs: Yes
Capitol Hill massacre
◾3/25/06 Seattle, Washington
◾Killed: 7 Wounded: 2
◾Types of weapons: 1 semi-automatic handgun, 1 shotgun
◾Weapon(s): .40-caliber Ruger P44; 12-gauge Winchester 1300 Defender shotgun;
◾Prior mental Illness signs: No
12-gauge Winchester 1300 Defender shotgun —
12-gauge Winchester 1300 Defender shotgun
Amish school shooting
◾10/2/06 Lancaster County, Pennsylvania
◾Killed: 6 Wounded: 5
◾Types of weapons: 1 semi-automatic handgun, 1 shotgun, 1 assault weapon
◾Weapon(s): Springfield pistol; .30-06 Ruger; 12-gauge Browning shotgun
◾Prior mental Illness signs: ???Amish shooting
Trolley Square shooting
◾2/12/07 Salt Lake City, Utah
◾Killed: 6 Wounded: 4
◾Types of weapons: 1 revolver, 1 shotgun
◾Weapon(s): .38-caliber Smith & Wesson M36; Mossberg Maverick 88 Field
◾Prior mental Illness signs: Yes
Virginia Tech massacre
◾4/16/07 Blacksburg, Virginia
◾Killed: 33 Wounded: 23
◾Types of weapons: 2 semi-automatic handguns
◾Weapon(s): 9mm Glock 19; .22-caliber Walther P22; five 10-round magazines
◾Prior mental Illness signs: YesVA Tech
And, of course, the conspiracy assholes were out in full force once again. Here’s one for your listening and dancing enjoyment that links VA Tech to Columbine.
Crandon shooting
◾10/7/07 Crandon, Wisconsin
◾Killed: 6 Wounded: 1
◾Types of weapons: 1 assault weapon
◾Weapon(s): AR-15
◾Prior mental Illness signs: ???
AR-15—
AR-15
Westroads Mall shooting
◾12/5/07 Omaha, Nebraska
◾Killed: 9 Wounded: 4
◾Types of weapons: 1 assault weapon
◾Weapon(s): WASR-10 Century Arms rifle; two 30-round magazines
◾Prior mental Illness signs: Yes
Kirkwood City Council shooting
◾2/7/08 Kirkwood, Missouri
◾Killed: 6 Wounded: 2
◾Types of weapons: 1 semi-automatic handgun, 1 revolver
◾Weapon(s): .40-caliber Smith & Wesson; .44 Magnum Smith & Wesson Model 29
◾Prior mental Illness signs: ???
Northern Illinois University shooting
◾2/14/08 DeKalb, Illinois
◾Killed: 6 Wounded: 21
◾Types of weapons: 3 semi-automatic handguns, 1 shotgun
◾Weapon(s): 9mm Glock 19; 9mm Kurz SIG Sauer P232; .380 Hi-Point CF380; 12-gauge Remington Sportsman 48
◾Prior mental Illness signs: Yes
Atlantis Plastics shooting
◾6/25/08 Henderson, Kentucky
◾Killed: 6 Wounded: 1
◾Types of weapons: 1 semi-automatic handgun
◾Weapon(s): .45-caliber Hi-Point pistol
◾Prior mental Illness signs: ???
Carthage nursing home shooting
◾3/29/09 Carthage, North Carolina
◾Killed: 8 Wounded: 3
◾Types of weapons: 1 revolver, 1 shotgun
◾Weapon(s): .357 Magnum; Winchester 1300
◾Prior mental Illness signs: Yes
Binghamton shootings
◾4/3/09 Binghamton, New York
◾Killed: 14 Wounded: 4
◾Types of weapons: 2 semi-automatic handguns
◾Weapon(s): 9mm Beretta; .45-caliber Beretta Px4 Storm
◾Prior mental Illness signs: No
Fort Hood massacre
◾11/5/09 Fort Hood, Texas
◾Killed: 13 Wounded: 30
◾Types of weapons: 1 semi-automatic handgun
◾Weapon(s): FN Five-seven
◾Prior mental Illness signs: NoWho Nu
They’re baaaack: Major Hasan Of Fort Hood: A Patsy In A Drill Gone Live?
Coffee shop police killings
◾11/29/09 Parkland, Washington
◾Killed: 4 Wounded: 1
◾Types of weapons: 1 semi-automatic handgun, 1 revolver
◾Weapon(s): Glock 17; .38-caliber Smith & Wesson
◾Prior mental Illness signs: YesLakewood shootingI guess being armed isn’t a deterrent to mass shootings after all. (And, that wasn’t meant as a snark.)
Hartford Beer Distributor shooting
◾8/3/10 Manchester, Connecticut
◾Killed: 9 Wounded: 2
◾Types of weapons: 2 semi-automatic handguns
◾Weapon(s): two 9mm Ruger SR9 with two 17-round magazines
◾Prior mental Illness signs: ???
Tucson shooting
◾1/8/11 Tucson, Arizona
◾Killed: 6 Wounded: 13
◾Types of weapons: 1 semi-automatic handgun
◾Weapon(s): 9mm Glock 19; 33-round magazine; two 15-round magazines;
◾Prior mental Illness signs: YesGiffords on stretcher
May 25, 2011 11:11 AM CDT
(Newser) – The conspiracy theories about the Gabrielle Giffords shooting have started to crop up—and one website in particular has been alarming survivors and others connected to the tragedy. The site, run by a Texas man, claims the Tucson shootings were actually a hoax staged by the government using actors. Two men connected to the site “tried to get into my home,” one victim tells the New York Times. They first claimed to be investigators attempting to discover whether the shooting was a hoax, and “wanted to know if I had any pictures,” the victim says.
Hospital personnel, relatives of victims, and potential trial witnesses have also received visits or had their pictures posted on the website, which claims that those involved resemble Tucson-area actors whose pictures can be found on the Internet. The Pima County Sheriff’s Department, which might normally ignore such a bizarre site, has actually passed information about it to its intelligence unit because of the confrontational nature of those involved. The FBI is also aware of the site.
IHOP shooting
◾9/6/11 Carson City, Nevada
◾Killed: 5 Wounded: 7
◾Types of weapons: Revolver, Assault Weapon
◾Weapon(s): .38 caliber Colt, AK-47 Romarm Cugir variant; AK-47 Norinco Arms variant
◾Prior mental Illness signs: Yes
Seal Beach shooting
◾10/14/11 Seal Beach, California
◾Killed: 8 Wounded: 1
◾Types of weapons: 2 semi-automatic handguns, 1 revolver
◾Weapon(s): 9mm Springfield, .45 Heckler & Koch, .44 Magnum Smith & Wesson
◾Prior mental Illness signs: Yes
AND, IN JUST THE LAST YEAR:
Su Jung Health Sauna shooting
◾2/22/12 Norcross, Georgia
◾Killed: 5 Wounded: 0
◾Types of weapons: 1 semi-automatic handgun
◾Weapon(s): two .45-caliber pistol
◾Prior mental Illness signs: Yes
The shooter had been acquitted in a previous multiple shooting in which three people died. Even with that and previous signs of mental illness, he had no problem obtaining a weapon.
Oikos University killings
◾4/2/12 Oakland, California
◾Killed: 7 Wounded: 3
◾Types of weapons: 1 semi-automatic handgun
◾Weapon(s): two .45-caliber handgun; four 10-round magazines
◾Prior mental Illness signs: YesOikos school shooting
Seattle cafe shooting
◾5/20/12 Seattle, Washington
◾Killed: 6 Wounded: 1
◾Types of weapons: 2 semi-automatic handguns
◾Weapon(s): two .45-caliber pistols
◾Prior mental Illness signs: Yes
Aurora theater shooting
◾7/20/12 Aurora, Colorado
◾Killed: 12 Wounded: 58
◾Types of weapons: 2 semi-automatic handguns, 1 shotgun, 1 assault weapon
◾Weapon(s): two .40-caliber Glocks; 12-gauge Remington 870; .223-caliber Smith & Wesson M&P15 & 6000 rounds of ammo.
◾Prior mental Illness signs: YesAurora
And, of course, the conspiracy nuts and/or gun-butts were out in force on this one:
Holmes was mind controlled!
Is there some kind of ritualistic connection between The Dark Knight, the sacrificial death of Heath Ledger and this new installment of a Batman movie that was “launched” with a mass murder? Is there a reason why this mass-murder, which occurred during the midnight screening of a movie called Dark Knight RISING took place in a city called Aurora, the name Roman goddess of dawn (dawn being the time where the sun begins to rise)? Another interesting fact: Aurora is considered to be the mother of the morning star, also know as the Light Bringer, or Lucifer.
Sometimes I don’t want to believe it was the Illuminati. Sometimes, I would rather just accept that this was a mere coincidence. But everywhere I turn, every fucking time, there’s symbolism jam-packed into the event in question. Not only that, but it’s only the events that have said symbolism that get covered by the mass media for days on end. I wonder why…
Also, are you aware that the word ‘colorado’ actually means: ‘red color’ i,e, blood? I found that bit of info quite appropriate considering all that goes on there. Columbine shooting, JonBenet, Aurora shooting, not to mention the bizarre Denver International Airport murals.
One more observation here, 12 victims, 2+1=3.
That was from “The Vigilant Citizen” website.
It was Aurora’s fault!
It is astonishing that cities like Aurora, Colorado do not allow citizens to protect themselves against violence. The deaths of those 12 victims rest squarely on the officials of the city of Aurora who deliberately created an environment of total helplessness that directly led to the unnecessary deaths of innocent people, including young women and children.
He was on a mission from….?
This guy was equipped with exotic gear by someone with connections to military equipment. SWAT clothing, explosives, complex booby-traps… c’mon, this isn’t a “lone gunman.” This is somebody who was selected for a mission, given equipment to carry it out, then somehow brainwashed into getting it done.
This has all the signs of Fast & Furious, Episode II. I wouldn’t be surprised to discover someone in Washington was behind it all. After all, there’s no quicker way to disarm a nation and take total control over the population than to stage violence, blame it on firearms, then call for leaders to “do something!” Such calls inevitably end up resulting in gun confiscation, and it’s never too long after that before government genocide really kicks in like we saw with Hitler, Stalin, Pol Pot, Mao and other tyrants.”
These last two were courtesy of Natural News.
Obama done it!
Of course, Conservatives4Palin had the courage to tell it like it is (in their fantasies). You betcha!
Not one week from the rumored Obama signing of the UN Gun Ban Treaty, on Friday the 27th and Obama is ‘Gift Wrapped’ this horrific slaughter, that he can take and use to Obliterate our God given Second Ammendment[sic] Right’s. Bulshe! This ain’t no coincidence!
They can’t realize any of their plans to enslave and then murder us, in order to destroy the United States of America as founded,unless they take our Firearms away.This is an administration that thought nothing about creating a program like,’Fast and Furious’,specifically designed to result in the murder of 300 mexicans and two American Border Patrol Agents, to see their goal of taking away our Firearms so we can’t defend ourselves. You think they would have any qualms about murdering little children in a theatre? They wouldn’t. At the foundation of statism is mass genocide. It’s what they feed off of.
Finally,as revealed above with their,”By any means necessary plans” as we get closer to the elections ( Which i don’t believe Obama wants to have take place ),expect more deliberately horrors like yesterday,increasing in frequency and body count, as justification to suspend elections and take away our Rights.”
Sikh temple shooting
◾8/5/12 Oak Creek, Wisconsin
◾Killed: 7 Wounded: 3
◾Types of weapons: 1 semi-automatic handgun
◾Weapon(s): two 9 mm pistol
◾Prior mental Illness signs: YesSikh Temple Shooting
Accent Signage Systems shooting
◾9/27/12 Minneapolis, Minnesota
◾Killed: 6 Wounded: 2
◾Types of weapons: 1 semi-automatic handgun
◾Weapon(s): 9mm Glock
◾Prior mental Illness signs: Yes
Sandy Hook school shooting
◾12/14/12 Newtown, Connecticut
◾Killed: 28 Wounded: 2
◾Types of weapons: 1 semi-automatic assault rifle, 2 semi-automatic handguns, 1 shotgun,
◾Weapon(s): Bushmaster .223 caliber– model XM15-E2S with 30 round clips; Glock 10 mm; Sig-Sauer P226 9mm; Izhmash Canta-12 12-gauge
◾Prior mental Illness signs: Yes
Sandy Hook victims
bushmaster 223
20 years, 49 tragedies, 368 wounded, 375 dead!
But, that’s not even the tip of the iceberg.
The numbers the gun-butts don’t want you to know
(and probably don’t even know themselves):
Those were just the highly publicized mass (4+ victims) murders. If you add in all the 3′s, 2′s and singletons that don’t get the press coverage, it comes to almost a quarter of a million deaths. 228,692 not counting 2012 as those figures aren’t available yet.
But wait, there’s more! That’s just the homicides. When you add in the suicides and accidental deaths and undetermined causes the number triples to approximately 3/4 of a million .
750,000 gun deaths in 20 years. And, we don’t have a gun problem?
And, I still haven’t taken into account the hundreds of thousands wounded in the same time frame. Or the shattered lives of the victims’ loved ones. Or the monetary cost. Or the lost productivity.
One of the reasons I haven’t is that there’s a lack of publicly available detail. In 1996, the NRA, through bribery (Known in “DC-Speak” as “campaign contributions”.) and extortion, (Known in “DC-Speak” as “Vote the way I tell you or I’ll “primary” you!) managed to get almost all federal gun-violence research funding cut off.I keepem handy!Funding for the Center for Disease Control alone dropped from $2.5 million a year down to $100,000. The last CDC survey on gun violence costs was conducted back in 2005. For that year, the CDC estimated the gun death costs at $37 billion, with gun injuries racking up an additional $3.7 billion.
Here’s a bit of meat for deficit hawks (who only seem to sighted during a Democratic administration): Say someone is shot and lives to tell the tale. It requires surgery, but no great complications. The surgery and 2 day intensive care stay will run about a hundred grand. If there are complications, it could easily run up to a quarter of a mil and keep going north.
Now, unless they’re one of the “1%”, (and probably not even then) most of the money is not coming out of their pocket. That means that other patients, other people’s insurance payments and most likely other people’s tax payments are going to take up the slack. So, one way or another, every time someone gets shot and lives, it costs you money. (Of course, real baggers and more than a few gun-butts would probably say. “Just let them die! I don’t cotton to freeloaders! If you think I’m exaggerating, you weren’t paying attention during last year’s Repugnut Primary Debates Clown Shows.)
Are assault weapons “red herrings” in the debate?
As I was compiling the list, I was intrigued about two things:
1.The definition of assault weapon tended to be rather loose in some of the original info. In fact, the various definitions of assault weapons range all over the place. Therefore, I made a few value judgements and just included those that were obviously war weapons. The more hunting oriented ones, I relegated to “rifle”. (War weapons are a better description (visually and technically) than assault weapons, so that’s what I’m going to call them from now on.)
2.War weapons are a problem. But, they are not the problem. Going back and counting, I found that in the 49 instances, there were 9 rifles used, 15 shotguns, 15 revolvers, 13 war weapons and 55 semi-automatic hand guns.
Short take: War weapons constituted about 12% of the weapons, semi-automatic handguns about 50%. What made handguns so bad were the large capacity clips.
Point is, banning war weapons needs to be done. But, it isn’t going to solve the problem. A lot more on that later.
I also found that in 31 of the instances, there were previous indications of mental illness, 4 had none and 14 were unknown. Seems to me that’s another situation that needs to be addressed.
Interesting factoid:
According to statistics, 45% of American households have guns and a large number of those have concealed weapons permits, yet in the covered 49 “incidents” not one civilian stopped a shooter in the middle of his rampage.
Researching this post, I could only find two occasions where someone armed has stopped what could have been a mass shooting: In 1991 at an Alabama Shoney’s and a 2007 shooting at the New Life Church in Colorado Springs. I’ve read other claims, but when you check closely, it’s usually after the shooting when the killer was trying to get away and in one case cited (Appalachian School of Law shooting) in which the gunman was taken down by an unarmed ex Marine before two armed students could actually intervene.
And in late breaking news:
KAUFMAN, Texas — Kaufman County District Attorney Mike McLelland took no chances after one of his assistant prosecutors was assassinated two months ago. McLelland said he carried a gun everywhere he went and took extra care when answering the door at his home.
“I’m ahead of everybody else because, basically, I’m a soldier,” the 23-year Army veteran boasted in an interview less than two weeks ago.
On Saturday, he and his wife were found dead in their home just outside the town of Forney, about 20 miles from Dallas, killed in an attack for which authorities have given no motive.
All of this kind of blows the hell out of the “If we were all ‘carrying’, these travesties wouldn’t happen” bullshit.
This isn’t the old west. In fact, the old west wasn’t the old west. The old west that you and I know and love was made in Hollywood. Yes, almost all farmers and ranchers had rifles, but they were for critters, not men. Most frontier towns developed much stronger gun control laws than we have now. Tombstone, Deadwood and Dodge all had laws against carrying guns. (Some of the towns learned the necessity of the laws through hard experience.)
Next episode we deal with the ongoing aftermath of Sandy Hook and I’ll introduce you to some of the whackos like Wayne LePew (I mean LaPierre.) (No, I was right the first time.) and Ted (I crapped my pants to stay out of the army) Nugent.
Take care and be safe. You never know who’s “carrying”.
Groucy
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Grumbles From an Old Grouch
"I'm not everybody's 'cuppa tea'…….But, then again, I don't try to be!"
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A Bit About Me (As if you really, really give a shit)
Biblical Beasts & Boogymen [UNDER CONSTRUCTION]
Fryin’ Ryan – What You Really Need to Know About Paul Ryan (b.y.o. nausea pills)
Mormonism: “The Big Con?” A “Religious Wrong” Special Report (pt 1)
Mormonism: “The Big Con?” A “Religious Wrong” Special Report (pt 2)
Mormonism: “The Big Con?” A “Religious Wrong” Special Report (pt 3)
Mormonism: “The Big Con?” A “Religious Wrong” SpecialReport (pt 4) [UNDER CONSTRUCTION]
Repugnut Thoughts (Mine, not theirs (pt. 1))
Repugnut Thoughts (pt. 2: The Turd Blossom Rationalizations)
Repugnut Thoughts (pt. 3: Ayn Rand, Graveyard Voters & Matthew 7:16)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 1: 2nd Amendment Bullshit)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 2: To Heller & Back)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 3: Collateral Damage)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 4: The Usual Suspects)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 5: More of the Usual)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 6: Da BIG Dawgs) [UNDER CONSTRUCTION
The Religious Wrong (pt 1: The Puritanical Years)
The Religious Wrong (pt 2: The Hateteenth Century)
The Religious Wrong (pt 3: The Great(?) Awakening)
The Repuglican War on Women (pt 1: Oh, my Akin Ryan)
The Repuglican War on Women (pt 2: Meanwhile, back in the states.)
The Repuglican War on Women (pt 2b (or not 2b): Meanwhile, back in the states. cont.) [UNDER CONSTRUCTION]
The Scurge(?) or Scourge(?) of Socialism
The Tea Potty (pt 1: The Early Years)
The Tea Potty (pt 10: Clowns & Commodians cont.)
The Tea Potty (pt 2: The “Knights” in Cotton Armor)
The Tea Potty (pt 3: Civil Rights, Civil Wrongs, Civil Rumps)
The Tea Potty (pt 4: From Vietnam to Ventura)
The Tea Potty (pt 5: Who the hell are these people?)
The Tea Potty (pt 6: In the beginning, there was Astro-Turf)
The Tea Potty (pt 7-The local Locos)
The Tea Potty (pt 8: Players & Takers)
The Tea Potty (pt 9-Clowns & Commodians)
The Theory of Evil-ution vs The Myth-ology of Creationism (pt 1)
The Theory of Evil-ution vs The Myth-ology of Creationism (pt 2)
There Are Not Two Sides To Every Story!
Too Many People Vote!
Why Do We Have The Most Powerful Military In The World? (No, Seriously. Why?) (pt 1)
Why Do We Have The Most Powerful Military In The World? (No, seriously. Why?) (pt 2)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 4: The Usual Suspects)
THE GALLERY OF ROGUES
I’ve been more or less, (mostly more) kicking the NRA around over the first three posts. Then, as I started work on this episode, I realized I hadn’t even properly introduced you to the idiots I’ve been slamming.
The "mouth" of the NRA—
The “mouth” of the NRA
Oh, you’ve probably heard of Peppy LePew, Wayne LaPierre. (Well, I was sorta right, although I think he’s also closely related to the Tasmanian Devil.) His official titles are: Executive Vice President (EVP) and Chief Executive Officer (CEO). His unofficial title is Munitions Merchants’ Motormouth (MMM) In that capacity, he’s all over the boob tube nowadays. (I was going to say he puts the “boob” in boob tube, but besides being an old joke, that’s actually complimenting him.)
However, he’s a bit of a letdown since their last public liar. But then again, how do you follow Moses, el Cid, Ben Hur, Brigham Young and Steve Leech all rolled into one?
Unfortunately, since Charlie “bought the big one” and they pried his guns from his cold dead hands, we’ve been stuck with this stinker.
I’ll have a hell of a lot more to say about him later on down the line.
Dave—
Davy
You may have heard of former NRA President, David Keene. If you have, it’s most likely linked to his son.
Seems the boy has a problem with combining guns and road rage. The result was a conviction for attempted murder. On the bright side, that conviction did come with free room and board and all expenses paid as a 10 year guest of the state rock crackery. (Which officially makes him a member of the “47 percent” crowd.)
But, enough about the boy blunder. He did the crime and he’s doing the time.
Maybe you heard about Davy when one of his ex-wives (He has two exes, one not yet.) plead guilty in June 2011 to embezzling between $120,000 and $400,000. (She only got a year for her misdeeds, so in her case it looks like crime does pay BIG TIME!)
But, then again, Davy has been making his own waves in the world. From being Spiro Agnew‘s political assistant all the way to NRA President. Lotsa good stuff to snark about in a bit.
Big Jim—
Big Jim
You might also have heard of James Porter II. If you haven’t, don’t worry, you will.
Big Jim is the brand new NRA President and he makes LePew sound like a moderate.
He’s been with the NRA for what seems like forever. In fact, he was “1st Son” back when his daddy was NRA President in ’59 – ’60. (There’s even a shooting trophy named after Jim’s dad.)
One of Big Jim’s first jobs was with an NRA legal council. He’s been on the BoD for over 20 years and has been 1st Veep since ’09.
And, as with the others, I’ll chronicle Big J’s trip through the Valley of Weird later.
But, before we really get to know the “Big Dawgs”, let me introduce you to some of the other pound hounds, starting with my personal favorite. (But then, I’m a little strange.)
The Ballad of Ted (Shriveled Dick) Nugent
I only shoot things that don't shoot backMay I introduce you to the poster child of the wing-nut loony fringe (gun-butt division): Theodore Anthony “Ted (Shriveled Dick)” Nugent!
You may remember SD from such hits as…… ……………………….hold on, give me a second here………….I know he had something……… what the hell was it?
Oh yah, “Catch Scratch Fever” bw “Wang Dang Sweet Poontang”.
Back in 1977 they rocketed up the charts to #30, before rocketing back down to oblivion. “Scratch” was the AM hit, but how could we ever forget “Wang Dang Sweet Poontang”?
Cat Scratch Fever coverWang Dang Sweet Poontang
That Nadine, what a teenage queen
She come to town; she be foolin’ around
She lookin’ so clean, especi’lly down in between;
What I like.
It’s all right
Wang Dang Sweet Poontang
A puttin’ me down as a rock-and-roll clown
Wang dang, what a sweet poontang
A shakin’ my thang as a rang-a-dang-dang in the bell
Down on the street you know she can’t be beat
She’s so sweet when she yanks on my meat
What the hell
Wang Dang Sweet Poontang
He was also the front man of a slightly better than mediocre metal band called the Amboy Dukes. (MC-5, they weren’t!)
But what he is also VERY famous for, is his creative and successful effort to dodge the draft. (Was Mr. Macho too scared to go to Viet Nam?)
“I got my physical notice 30 days prior to. Well, on that day I ceased cleansing my body. No more brushing my teeth, no more washing my hair, no baths, no soap, no water. Thirty days of debris build. I stopped shavin’ and I was 18, had a little scraggly beard, really looked like a hippie. I had long hair, and it started gettin’ kinky, matted up. Then two weeks before, I stopped eating any food with nutritional value. I just had chips, Pepsi, beer-stuff I never touched-buttered poop, little jars of Polish sausages, and I’d drink the syrup, I was this side of death, Then a week before, I stopped going to the bathroom. I did it in my pants. poop, piss the whole shot. My pants got crusted up.
See, I approached the whole thing like, Ted Nugent, cool hard-workin’ dude, is gonna wreak havoc on these imbeciles in the armed forces. I’m gonna play their own game, and I’m gonna destroy ‘em. Now my whole body is crusted in poop and piss. I was ill. And three or four days before, I started stayin’ awake. I was close to death, but I was in control. I was extremely antidrug as I’ve always been, but I snorted some crystal methedrine. Talk about one wounded motherfucker. A guy put up four lines, and it was for all four of us, but I didn’t know and I’m vacuuming that poop right up. I was a walking, talking hunk of human poop. I was six-foot-three of sin. So the guys took me down to the physical, and my nerves, my emotions were distraught. I was not a good person. I was wounded. But as painful and nauseous as it was – ‘cause I was really into bein’ clean and on the ball – I made gutter swine hippies look like football players. I was deviano.
So I went in, and those guys in uniform couldn’t believe the smell. They were ridiculin’ me and pushin’ me around and I was cryin’, but all the time I was laughin’ to myself. When they stuck the needle in my arm for the blood test I passed out, and when I came to they were kicking me into the wall. Then they made everybody take off their pants, and I did, and this sergeant says, “Oh my God, put those back on! You fucking swine you!” Then they had a urine test and I couldn’t piss, But my poop was just like ooze, man, so I poop in the cup and put it on the counter. I had poop on my hand and my arm. The guy almost puked. I was so proud. I knew I had these chumps beat. The last thing I remember was wakin’ up in the ear test booth and they were sweepin’ up. So I went home and cleaned up.
They took a putty knife to me. I got the street rats out of my hair, ate some good steaks, beans, potatoes, cottage cheese, milk. A couple of days and I was ready to kick ass. And in the mail I got this big juicy 4-F. They’d call dead people before they’d call my ass. But you know the funny thing about it? I’d make an incredible army man. I’d be a colonel before you knew what hit you, and I’d have the baddest bunch of motherfuckin’ killers you’d ever seen in my platoon. But I just wasn’t into it. I was too busy doin’ my own thing, you know?” “High Times”, Oct. 1977
(So, in answer to my own question, he was so scared, he shit his pants.)
20 some years later, Teddy Bear recanted parts of his story (the shitty pants parts). So, he’s a self-admitted liar. The only question was which story was the lie. (My money’s on the 2nd.)
He still poops up way too often. Initially I’d see him spouting the glories of guns and hunting. After all that ”Wang Dang Sweet Poontang”, he must have developed one hell of a shriveled dick. (Hence, the nickname.) But lately, he’s squeezed past Hank Jr. to become the Bubbas’ favorite Obama-hating faux-celebrity. (However, Victoria Jackson still out-nuttys him.)
And, this is one of the people who the nutters think make perfect sense? WOW!
Oh! And, did I mention that the shriveled dick macho poseur sits on the NRA Board of Directors? Wang Dang Sweet Poontang!!
Speaking of that. (The NRA Board of Directors, not the poontang. Although……..)
In addition to the aforementioned shriveled dick, there are other board members you may be familiar with, some you may not, and some you may not but definitely should.
Among the other nutables (& 1 exception):
Olly North—
Ollie (Arm the Ayatollahs) North
Oliver North (Of selling guided missiles to Iran fame.)
Ollie was the Reagan’s “go-to guy” back in the Iran-Contra Scandal. Iran-Contra would take a whole post to explain, so I won’t go into detail. If you’re curious (it’s an interesting (and very scary) instance of the abuse of Presidential power), check out this link.
Suffice it to say that President Reagan (good old St. Ronnie, hisself.) committed several crimes against specific laws prohibiting weapon sales to Iran and aiding and abetting the contras in the Nicaraguan Civil War, and then he proceeded to lie about it.
Several people, including the Secretary of Defense, the National security Adviser and numerous White House & CIA officials were convicted of crimes and pardoned (or pardoned before trial) by “Pappy” Bush. Ollie was indicted on 16 counts and convicted on three, but “Pappy” pardoned him as well.
St. Ronnie was never indicted or impeached because the President lying to the press and the public was not a crime. (Evidently, it’s a 1st Amendment right or something like that.) As to breaking the other laws and restrictions???? We do not send presidents to jail! (Just ask Nixon.)
Larry (Wide Stance) Craig—
Larry (Wide Stance) Craig
Former Senator Larry Craig (Famous in airport bathrooms across the nation)
Ol’ “I have a wide stance” is mostly known as a leading hypocrite in the war against gays as well as being a disgraced senator. (I was going to insert a“santorum“snark here, but I decided I have too much class to commit such a crass act. Or do I?)
The Federal Election Commission is suing him over misusing campaign funds (to the tune of $217,000) in his legal defense. (He claims he was on “official government business” in the bathroom.)
But, at least the NRA loves him.
Larry’s the recipient of the NRA Institute for Legislative Action’s highest honor. According to them, “Wide Stance” is an “eloquent and fearless champion of the 2nd Amendment“.
(Groovy) Grover—
(Groovy) Grover
Grover Norquist. (I still think he was cuter on Sesame Street.)
Groovy’s life-long ambition “is to cut government in half in twenty-five years, to get it down to the size where we can drown it in the bathtub“
He started out with the ’68 Nixon campaign (just like Roger Ailes) so we obviously can’t expect too much honesty out of him.
He was a big help to Ollie North in aiding the Contra rebels, he co-authored ’94′s “Contract with on America“, and he’s responsible for the “Taxpayer Protection Pledge”.
As if the cake needed icing, he’s also credited with securing Bush League’s nomination for the presidency.
That came in handy when he was the “arranger” for meetings between Jack Abramoff‘s clients and White House muckety-mucks.
He and Jack go back to 1981. Groovy was Casino Jack’s campaign manager when Abramoff was elected chairman of the National College Republicans.
"Teflon Don" Young —
“Teflon Don” Young
Representative Don Young (“The Sargent Preston of the politically incorrect”) .
Donnie is a Repug Rep from Alaska that seems to have a large mouth, an even larger foot and a chronic case of Aphthae epizooticae (Foot & Mouth Disease). In his latest relapse, he said that Hispanic migrant workers are “wetbacks“.
He’s also said that environmentalists are “not Americans, never have been Americans, never will be Americans“. And, they’re “self-centered bunch of waffle-stomping, Harvard-graduating, intellectual idiots“. (I take offense to that. I do not go around stomping waffles!)
Along those same lines, he has repeatedly claimed that global climate change is a “scam” and the Deepwater Horizon oil blowout was a “natural phenomenon“.
And then there were his “butt fucking” comments to a high school student assembly.
Among his other claims to fame, our Donnie is the father of the famous “Bridge to Nowhere“. In case you were hiking the Appalachian Trail at the time, the bridge, at a cost of $398 million (plus, of course, cost overruns), would connect the mainland to Gravina Island (pop. 50) (Can you say “Pork barrel”?)
Oh, and btw, Donnie’s a “fiscal conservative”.
He’s also the most-absent member of Congress, missing 16% of the votes last session. That’s more than future(?) presidents Bachman & Paul.
And, he’s routinely included in the Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics “most corrupt” list. (And the competition is fierce!) He’s also made an appearance on Rolling Stone’s “10 Worst Congressmen” list. (#3) (Although, he’ll always be #2 to me.)
In fact, on March 13th of this year, the House Ethics (Hmm…talk about an oxymoron.) Committee launched another investigation into his activities.
While former aides are currently vacationing at various “crowbar hotels”, Donnie’s gained the sobriquet “Teflon Don” because so far, he’s always managed to beat the rap.
But, don’t forget, there was a guy named John Gotti that used to have that moniker as well. (So, stay tuned corruption fans, you never know.)
Milius & phallic friends—
Milius & phallic friends
John Milius
“I know what you’re thinking, punk. You’re thinking “did he fire six shots or only five?” Now to tell you the truth I forgot myself in all this excitement. But being this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world and will blow you head clean off, you’ve gotta ask yourself a question: “Do I feel lucky?” Well, do ya, punk?”
Welcome to the world of John Milius. (The fantasy world that is.) Clint may have spoken the words above, but Johnnie wrote them.
Our Johnnie is a major fanboy of large guns and large cigars. (Over-compensation perhaps???)
Johnnie calls himself a “Zen anarchist”. Zen Anarchism has its roots embedded in pre-WWII Japanese militaristic tradition. That’s actually kind of interesting if you think about it. Johnnie isn’t Japanese and he’s never spent a minute in the military.
Oh, he speaks “macho” rather fluently. Among his other memorable movie lines: “I love the smell of napalm in the morning“.
Besides scripting the “Dirty Harrys” there was “Apocalypse Now”; “Dillinger”; “Red Dawn”, “Conan the Barbarian” (What? You thought Arnie made up those grunts all by himself?) and so on.
Unfortunately, his movie “macho” tends to bleed over into reality. And, since it works so well in the movies, he has the perfect solution to Mexico’s drug problem for instance. “We need to go down there, kill them all, flatten the place with bulldozers so when you wake up in the morning, there’s nothing there. I do believe if you have a military, you use it.”
Just the type of rock-solid reasoning and rationality that the NRA seeks out for its BoD.
(Hon.) Gunnery Sgt. R. Lee Ermey USMC (Ret.)—
Gunnery Sgt. R. Lee Ermey USMC (Ret.)
R. Lee Ermey
R. Lee is a former “jarhead”. And, from what I’ve seen, probably a good one. His views tend to echo the “bigger the gun, the better” line. (His nightstand weapon is a 357 Magnum.)
While his views on the 2nd are a bit different from mine (He’s Yin, I’m Yang.) They are not surprising considering his background. He seems to be honest and earnest in his views, but not a fringe dwelling ideologue.
As I have said many times, I have absolutely no problem with someone with opposing views, it’s the “my way or the highway” types and the poseurs and panderers that I have a problem with.
Therefore, I’m going to give R. Lee a pass in the “snark department”. Besides, how can you slam a guy who, when asked if he had political aspirations, replied “No. This old man has too many skeletons in the closet. I frequented a few too many whorehouses, tattoo parlors and places of ill repute in my time. Boy, could they have a ball with me, digging up bones.“
Well, once again my reach (in this case, bios of the baddies) has exceeded my grasp (self-imposed post length). I’m about to hit the 3000 word mark and this is a good place to hyphenate the list. Next time I’ll introduce you to some more of the pack, including some lesser known, but still weird pound hounds, and then on to the big dawgs.
In the meantime, be good to yourself. (Somebody has to.)
Grouchy
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Grumbles From an Old Grouch
"I'm not everybody's 'cuppa tea'…….But, then again, I don't try to be!"
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A Bit About Me (As if you really, really give a shit)
Biblical Beasts & Boogymen [UNDER CONSTRUCTION]
Fryin’ Ryan – What You Really Need to Know About Paul Ryan (b.y.o. nausea pills)
Mormonism: “The Big Con?” A “Religious Wrong” Special Report (pt 1)
Mormonism: “The Big Con?” A “Religious Wrong” Special Report (pt 2)
Mormonism: “The Big Con?” A “Religious Wrong” Special Report (pt 3)
Mormonism: “The Big Con?” A “Religious Wrong” SpecialReport (pt 4) [UNDER CONSTRUCTION]
Repugnut Thoughts (Mine, not theirs (pt. 1))
Repugnut Thoughts (pt. 2: The Turd Blossom Rationalizations)
Repugnut Thoughts (pt. 3: Ayn Rand, Graveyard Voters & Matthew 7:16)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 1: 2nd Amendment Bullshit)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 2: To Heller & Back)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 3: Collateral Damage)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 4: The Usual Suspects)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 5: More of the Usual)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 6: Da BIG Dawgs) [UNDER CONSTRUCTION
The Religious Wrong (pt 1: The Puritanical Years)
The Religious Wrong (pt 2: The Hateteenth Century)
The Religious Wrong (pt 3: The Great(?) Awakening)
The Repuglican War on Women (pt 1: Oh, my Akin Ryan)
The Repuglican War on Women (pt 2: Meanwhile, back in the states.)
The Repuglican War on Women (pt 2b (or not 2b): Meanwhile, back in the states. cont.) [UNDER CONSTRUCTION]
The Scurge(?) or Scourge(?) of Socialism
The Tea Potty (pt 1: The Early Years)
The Tea Potty (pt 10: Clowns & Commodians cont.)
The Tea Potty (pt 2: The “Knights” in Cotton Armor)
The Tea Potty (pt 3: Civil Rights, Civil Wrongs, Civil Rumps)
The Tea Potty (pt 4: From Vietnam to Ventura)
The Tea Potty (pt 5: Who the hell are these people?)
The Tea Potty (pt 6: In the beginning, there was Astro-Turf)
The Tea Potty (pt 7-The local Locos)
The Tea Potty (pt 8: Players & Takers)
The Tea Potty (pt 9-Clowns & Commodians)
The Theory of Evil-ution vs The Myth-ology of Creationism (pt 1)
The Theory of Evil-ution vs The Myth-ology of Creationism (pt 2)
There Are Not Two Sides To Every Story!
Too Many People Vote!
Why Do We Have The Most Powerful Military In The World? (No, Seriously. Why?) (pt 1)
Why Do We Have The Most Powerful Military In The World? (No, seriously. Why?) (pt 2)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 5: More of the Usual)
There’s more at the door:
Welcome back to our gallery of nuts, butts and gun sluts. I had really been hoping to cover the lot in one shebang, but there’s just sooooo many of them.
Joe—
Joe
Joe Allbaugh
Joe was Bush League’s Campaign Manager in the 2000 election. As such, his duties included vetting Dick Cheney for the vice presidency. (As if anything was going to stop “Lil’ Dick” from choosing himself as the Veep candidate.)
After the election, he was rewarded by being named head of FEMA. (Republicans always seem to think that FEMA Director is a political plum to be handed out as a reward. Which probably explains why FEMA got such crappy reviews after Hurricane Andrew (1992) [Pappy Bush]; the Southern Florida Hurricanes (2004) [George "Duh"]; and Katrina (2005) [little Georgie again].)
After stepping down as head of FEMA, he got a $200 million dollar “no-bid” Hurricane Katrina contract from Michael Brown, his hand-picked successor. And of course, as we all remember, Brownie did “a heck of a job” handling the Katrina disaster.
Carol—
Carol
Carol Bambery
Carol led the fight to allow carrying concealed handguns in Michigan public buildings. You know, like courthouses, city halls, schools, the state capitol buildings, etc. (What could possibly go wrong with that?)
As to what Carol’s thoughts of people who think we need a few restrictions in place, I’ll let her speak for herself: “Consider for a moment that the largest and most hysterical anti-gun groups include disproportionately large numbers of women, African- Americans and Jews. And virtually all of the organizations that claim to speak for these ‘oppressed people’ are stridently anti-gun. Not coincidentally, among Jews, Blacks and women there are many ‘professional victims’ who have little sense of identity outside of their victimhood” So there! ;-P
Bob—
Bob
Bob Barr
Bobby’s a “Family Values” Repug former congressman. He must value families, he was the Impeachment Manager (prosecutor) for the Clinton Impeachment Proceedings. Not only that, he’s been married three times.
He doesn’t care too much for gays, however. Bobby’s the author of the “Defense of Marriage Act” (DOMA) (I wonder which one of his marriages it defends?)
He’s also a grade A hypocrite. For example: As congressman, he authored an amendment that would prohibit legalizing medical marijuana in in the District of Columbia. After congress (and a $70,000 fee) he lobbied for legalization.
There’s a lot more on this bozo, but I’m tired of him. If you want, check out the link.
Ron w/big dick substitute—
Ron w/big dick substitute
Ronnie Barrett
Ronnie’s the founder and CEO of Barrett Firearms Manufacturing Inc. He designed the .50 caliber sniper rifle beloved by terrorists (Al Qaeda bought 25) and Branch Davidians alike.
The .50 has been called “a devastatingly powerful weapon against which most troops, most law enforcement, no civilians, have any means of defense”.
Ronnie calls them “a toy for a big boy“.
He also claims that the 2nd gives you the right to own military-grade weapons. (And, he’ll be glad to sell you some.) Once again, I’ll let him speak for himself: “They moved and took away our legal manufacturer for machine guns [for civilians] because there was a popular television show called ‘Miami Vice’ that was on that everybody was running around shooting everybody up with machine guns and there hadn’t been committed a [crime] committed with a legal machine gun, you know, what, since [1934] or something like that. It was ridiculous. It was Hollywood. But, you know, they said, ‘Oh, we gotta’ do something about that,’ so they took another one of our rights away. And so now you know the right to bear arms is going to be well you can have a sub-, inferior type of weapons. You can’t have really top-notch weapons.”
Machine guns sales to civilians were outlawed in 1934. (Seems to me that’s a bit before “Miami Vice”. And you know, that also would probably explain the dearth of machine gun deaths.)
You’d think he’d know that.
Bobby (A verrrrrry old pic)—
Bobby (A verrrrrry old pic)
Bob Brown
Bobby’s the publisher of “Hire a Hit Man” magazine, marketed on the newsstands as “Soldier of Fortune”.
In one instance (of way too many to count in this post) they ran an ad that read: “GUN FOR HIRE: 37-year-old professional mercenary desires jobs. Vietnam veteran. Discrete and very private. Body guard, courier, and other special skills. All jobs considered.” That one ended up costing the rag $4,370,000 in a lawsuit by the victim’s family. Then there was this ad: “Married man looking for an expert in poisons to kill his wife.”
Bobby’s response to running these types of ads? “We’re as culpable as any newspaper which accepts an ad from a used-car salesman and doesn’t go out to check the condition of his brakes.”
Of course, Bobby’s a “man of action”, so he doesn’t just publish, he gets his hands dirty. He was involved in the civil war in El Salvador. He would have done more, but one of his associates accidentally shot him in the leg. (Professionals! Gotta luv ‘em!)
He supplied men (100) and money ($4,000,000) to the Contra Rebels. And, according to him, he fought with the white supremacist “Rhodesian African Rifles” in Rhodesia (natch’) and the Mujahideen in Afghanistan.
All in all, the image of a NRA kinda man!
Governor Jim—
Governor Jim
Jim Gilmore
Jimmy used to be Governor of Virginia. He also used to be Chairman of the Republican National Committee. And, he used to be a presidential candidate. (That was back in ’08.)
What he is now, is President & CEO of the Free Congress Foundation. Like all wing-nut groups, its name is very misleading. Their purpose isn’t to free up a paralyzed congress, their purpose is to lead the war against “Cultural Marxism” (aka “Political Correctness”).
The FCF has been called the “Christian Right epicenter in the United States“, but they don’t seem very Christian-y.
As part of their “battle plan” against the foe (anyone who doesn’t think their way), they published a book entitled “Political Correctness: A Short History of Ideology” You may not have heard of the book, but you’ve probably heard of Anders Behring Breivik.
In 2011, Mr. Brevik was the man who bombed government buildings in Oslo, killing 8, and then proceeded to a youth camp where he murdered 69 more, most of whom were teenagers.
Prior to this, Mr. Brevik had written a 1500 page manifesto in which his core thesis was borrowed from the book. He then went out and killed all those people to “market” his manifesto. (I shit you not. That was his explanation.)
What? You’re blaming the FCF for the deaths of all those people? It was just a book, for craps sake! This is the good ol’ USA and we have freedom of speech.
Yes, it was just a book, and then it was just a manifesto, and then someone crossed over the line. (Mentally deranged people have been known to do that.) Yes, this is the United States and yes, we have “freedom of speech” (sort of) But, with freedom comes responsibility. A fact which more than a few people (including the FCF) seem to conveniently forget. And, particularly in this case, there is more than a little responsibility to be shared by the likes of the FCF.
I will say this for the FCF, they not only “talk the talk”, they “walk the walk”, political incorrectness-wise:
◾They’ve hosted dinners honoring “Blowtorch Bob” D’Aubuisson of El Salvadorian death squads fame. (One of Blowtorch’s favorite giggles was tossing babies in the air and shooting them before they hit the ground. And, you can probably guess how he got his nickname.)
◾The FCF distributes homophobic literature by the likes of Dr. Paul Cameron and others.
◾They’ve suggested that Muslims are required to kill non-Muslims.
◾And, of course, being the “patriotic Americans” that they are, they wish the South had won that war so “at least part of North America would still stand for Western culture, Christianity and an appreciation of the differences between ladies and gentlemen.” (I actually agree with them about the South, but for totally different reasons. Mainly, I’m tired of them trying to drag the rest of us down to their level.)
Seems to me with ol’ Jim’s experience running this gaggle of loony tooners, he’s a perfect fit for the ol’ BoD.
A+ John—
A+ John
Johnny Nugent
Johnny’s a Repugnut Indiana State Senator hailing from Lawrenceburg, IN, aka Whiskey Town, U.S.A. (Which just might explain a lot.)
Johnny (bless his balding little noggin) has earned an A+ rating from the NRA.
Just how does one earn an A+ rating? Do you earn it by being a good marksman? Or maybe you’re a strong advocate of gun safety? Or perhaps you prevent a crime by killing someone before he can rob you?
Nah. The NRA hands them out for carrying its water. Which brings us back to Johnny (He may be a Cancerous crab astrologically, but in the real world, he’s an Aquarius.)
Johnny earned his “A+” by:
◾Authoring a bill that makes it a crime for a municipality to enact tougher gun laws than the (Repugnut controlled) state.
◾Introducing a bill that would stop Indiana colleges from banning guns on campus. (That should stop those damn liberal professors from giving out failing grades.)
◾Led opposition to legislation that would have made it illegal for adults to leave a loaded gun where children could have easy access to it. (It’s a good thing kids aren’t fascinated by guns!)
Oh, and before I get off this Aquarian kick, back in D.C., of 435 congresspersons (Is that a word? These days, with “P.C.” running rampant, I can’t keep up.) 242 “bota bags” have earned that coveted “A rating”. On the senate side, there’s 46 of the “little tin buckets”. But, strangest thing, some of them have started to leak.
Jay—
Jay
Jay Printz
By their Facebook page, ye shall know them. At least that’s the case with (ex) sheriff Jay. He is or has been a member of a number of “interesting” FB groups, such as:
1.“SICK of Muslim intimidation – F Mohammed” This one’s an anti-Islam racist site complete with a picture captioned, “Muslim Mothers: Teaching children to become murderers for thousands of years“.
2.“The Unorganized Militia” This one suggests insurrection may be necessary, including making a citizen’s arrest on Obama for “treason”.
3.“Obama’s Healthcare Plan is Unconstitutional” As proof how bad “Obamacare” is, this one backs up its claims by posting a pic of Obama as a witch doctor, complete with a bone in his nose. (If you haven’t seen the pic, it’s posted in “The Tea Potty (pt 4: From Vietnam to Ventura)“
4.“Impeach Nancy Pelosi” Not racist, but very sexist, including one pic that Photoshops her into a prostitute. (Naughty, naughty!)
5.“I hate it when I wake up in the morning and Barack Obama is President” This one is just down-right racist. ‘Nuf said.
His own FB page has posted some interesting pics including one of a gun barrel, captioned “Liberals: the only view you need to see“. Or the one captioned: “Liberalism is a mental disease“. Or Bush League & ‘lil Dick waterboarding Pelosi: “I had a dream last night!!”
But, he’s not just a FB fanboy. His other favorite site seems to be a bagger blog: American Daughter Media Center. He’s written a number of posts for them, which included such blurbs as “The difference between Obama and Osama is just a little B.S.” In a post on Muslim immigrants in Europe, he called them “plagues that will turn the old continent [Europe] uninhabitable”. A day after Obama was elected he wrote “Well, my friends, it looks like we had better put in a good supply of powder and lead!!!! When they come for your guns…give them your bullets!”
Speaking of gun confiscation, he thinks the UN in collaboration with the U.S. is plotting to do just that. “The United Nations is quietly, insidiously planning to strip American citizens of their Second Amendment rights, which are the keystone in the Bill of Rights. Because without the rights of citizens to keep and bear arms, all of the other rights can easily be taken away.”
(ex) Sheriff Jay has other interests as well. He was the”Printz” in Printz v. United States, a lawsuit that attempted to void the “Brady Law“. (Well, after all, the NRA said that the law was going to lead to gun confiscation.)
Lies are good for business.
And the shits keep on coming
Ok, it’s take a breath time. (Hmmm……Maybe that wasn’t the best sentence to follow that headline.)
Up to this point, I’ve covered a few of the more notorious BoD members. But, there’s a lot more of them on the board that you may or may not have heard of. Out of 46 board members, I’ve only covered 15 so far.
I don’t want to ignore the rest, but I don’t want to bog down in an already long bio list. Plus, I’m just 500 words shy of 3000 already. (What to do, what to do?)
In perusing these bovine extrusions, you might have noticed that they all seem to list to the right (about 78 – 80 degrees in some cases). I’ve hardly touched (if at all) on their stands on education, environment, immigration, LGBT rights, poverty, religion, voting rights or women’s rights. Mainly because, while they are important, they are not tremendously pertinent to gun rights. Those of you who want more dirt (and in a lot of cases, there’s a lot more) can click their links, and be transported to “Who is the NRA Leadership“, the site where I stole researched a great deal of this material.
There are a couple of issues, however, that are very pertinent and need to be addressed: vigilantism and political violence. Therefore, as I run down the list (with links) to the members, I’ll show you their stands on those issues (if they have any) as well as any other outrageous exhalations. And, to be just a little bit fair (can’t over do it, you know) I’ll point out a few people on the board who, like Sgt Ermey, are not certifiable nut jobs
◾Scott Bach
◾Buster Bachhuber
◾Clel Baudler
◾Ken Blackwell
◾Matt Blunt
◾Dan Boren
◾Pete Brownell
◾John Burtt John is BoD Chairman of the Fifty Caliber Institute, which claims the .50 caliber sniper rifle (see Ronnie Barrett, above and John Sigler, below) is “helping to make our streets and nation safer“.
◾Dave Butz
◾Richard Childress
◾Patricia Clark
◾David Coy
◾Manny Fernandez Manny is the founder of Californian’s Against Corruption (which is an interesting title for an organization that was fined a record $808,000 for 404 violations of campaign law). He was later kicked out. What caught my eye, however, was this Manny quote: “The only reason [the U.S. Government hasn’t] been able to defeat us, it’s not a matter of money, it’s a matter of people. Because we have what they don’t have. We have the people, and in the end, we have the guns.” (Scary words from a man once convicted of criminal possession of a machine gun.)
◾Sandy Froman
◾Marion Hammer
◾Maria Heil
◾Graham Hill
◾Steve Hornady Steve is the president of Hornady Ammunition (named after his daddy). Among their products for sale to “civilians” are FMJ (Full Metal Jacket) armor piercing bullets. (You know, just in case Bambi’s mom is wearing armor undies.)
◾Roy Innis Roy’s the current Chairman of Congress of Racial Equality (CORE). A fact that James Farmer, the founder of CORE, isn’t too happy about. Farmer has called Innis “an American Idi Amin” and described CORE as “fraudulent”. As Mother Jones put it: “CORE is [now] better known among real civil rights groups for renting out its historic name to any corporation in need of a black front person. The group has taken money from the payday-lending industry, chemical giant (and original DDT manufacturer) Monsanto, and ExxonMobil.” Roy’s response to criticism by these and others? “The monies of CORE are my money and CORE is my organization and I’ll run it the way I see fit.”
◾Joaquin Jackson Joaquin is an ex Texas Ranger and seems pretty much in the R. Lee Ermey category (i.e. no credible evidence of wing-nuttery).
◾Tom King In 2011 Tom wrote an editorial for the Albany Times-Union, In it, he professed worries about the Muslim extremists who were sneaking across the US-Mexico border. As proof he cited the “Muslim extremist literature and the occasional lost Koran” that have been found on the border. Of course he wrote that despite any evidence of that ever happening. (That’s somewhat akin to Gov. Brewer’s (aka the “Wicked Witch of the SW”) headless border corpses.) Then King complained, “The Obama administration continues to ignore or down play the border threat while continuing his stealth campaign to take our firearms.”
◾Herbert Lanford
◾Karl Malone Yah, that Karl Malone! One of the more moderate board members. He believes that gun ownership is a privilege. The NRA says it’s a “fundamental God-given right“. (Like I said, one of the more moderate members.)
◾Buz Mills
◾Cleta Mitchell
◾Todd Rathner
◾Wayne Anthony Ross
◾Ron Schmeits
◾Tom Selleck According to Tom, he’s not a “spokesperson for the NRA“. That’s probably a good thing from the NRA’s standpoint. He has “a lot of Libertarian leanings“, but that’s about as non-mainstream as he gets.
◾John Sigler John’s the President of the Fifty Caliber Institute (see John Burtt and/or Ronnie Barrett) and a past-president of the NRA (2007-2009). He’s pretty typical (for the board) in his views on immigration, gay rights, and of course, the ever popular “they’re coming to take my guns away” conspiracy theory: “Gun registration leads to gun confiscation, as surely as thunder follows lightning.” (blah, blah, blah) John’s also not too big on democracy. A couple of years ago, Sigler claimed that the Democrats were plotting to replace the Electoral College with a straight popular vote. Sigler warned that using the popular vote “would lead to rule by tyranny.” The real problem, from the NRA’s perspective, is that such a change would lessen the electoral power of the smaller, more rural (i.e. more pro-gun) states. (Just think, if we’d have had direct presidential elections back in 2000, we wouldn’t have been subjected to 8 years of “Bush League & the Bozos”.)
◾Linda Walker
521361_559059114126734_1294337231_n-1
Well, it looks like I’ve leaped my 3 kiloword (If that wasn’t a word, it is now.) fence again. Therefore, I’ll have to hold the big dawgs at bay for one more episode. Plus, next time around, I’ll get into the inner workings of the once very respectable organization. (I hope!)
Until then, try to stay out of the line of fire. (Those hospital bills are huge.)
Grouchy
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Grumbles From an Old Grouch
"I'm not everybody's 'cuppa tea'…….But, then again, I don't try to be!"
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Home
A Bit About Me (As if you really, really give a shit)
Biblical Beasts & Boogymen [UNDER CONSTRUCTION]
Fryin’ Ryan – What You Really Need to Know About Paul Ryan (b.y.o. nausea pills)
Mormonism: “The Big Con?” A “Religious Wrong” Special Report (pt 1)
Mormonism: “The Big Con?” A “Religious Wrong” Special Report (pt 2)
Mormonism: “The Big Con?” A “Religious Wrong” Special Report (pt 3)
Mormonism: “The Big Con?” A “Religious Wrong” SpecialReport (pt 4) [UNDER CONSTRUCTION]
Repugnut Thoughts (Mine, not theirs (pt. 1))
Repugnut Thoughts (pt. 2: The Turd Blossom Rationalizations)
Repugnut Thoughts (pt. 3: Ayn Rand, Graveyard Voters & Matthew 7:16)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 1: 2nd Amendment Bullshit)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 2: To Heller & Back)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 3: Collateral Damage)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 4: The Usual Suspects)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 5: More of the Usual)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 6: Da BIG Dawgs) [UNDER CONSTRUCTION
The Religious Wrong (pt 1: The Puritanical Years)
The Religious Wrong (pt 2: The Hateteenth Century)
The Religious Wrong (pt 3: The Great(?) Awakening)
The Repuglican War on Women (pt 1: Oh, my Akin Ryan)
The Repuglican War on Women (pt 2: Meanwhile, back in the states.)
The Repuglican War on Women (pt 2b (or not 2b): Meanwhile, back in the states. cont.) [UNDER CONSTRUCTION]
The Scurge(?) or Scourge(?) of Socialism
The Tea Potty (pt 1: The Early Years)
The Tea Potty (pt 10: Clowns & Commodians cont.)
The Tea Potty (pt 2: The “Knights” in Cotton Armor)
The Tea Potty (pt 3: Civil Rights, Civil Wrongs, Civil Rumps)
The Tea Potty (pt 4: From Vietnam to Ventura)
The Tea Potty (pt 5: Who the hell are these people?)
The Tea Potty (pt 6: In the beginning, there was Astro-Turf)
The Tea Potty (pt 7-The local Locos)
The Tea Potty (pt 8: Players & Takers)
The Tea Potty (pt 9-Clowns & Commodians)
The Theory of Evil-ution vs The Myth-ology of Creationism (pt 1)
The Theory of Evil-ution vs The Myth-ology of Creationism (pt 2)
There Are Not Two Sides To Every Story!
Too Many People Vote!
Why Do We Have The Most Powerful Military In The World? (No, Seriously. Why?) (pt 1)
Why Do We Have The Most Powerful Military In The World? (No, seriously. Why?) (pt 2)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 6: Da BIG Dawgs) [UNDER CONSTRUCTION
If you happened to pop on to this page, WELCOME! This is obviously a work-in-progress, so you’re witness to an ongoing process of creation. And, I have to tell you sometimes it’s kind of ugly.
Things get written or added sometimes just to catch a thought before it succumbs to a “senior moment”. Sometimes it’s just notes or passages I use for direction pointers. Sometimes I’ll set off on a trail and then decide I don’t want to go there. Or, I’ll find a more scenic, (i.e. snarky) shortcut. Sometimes, what I thought was right, was wrong and I’ll change it before it becomes an official post. And, sometimes after I sober up, I’ll decide the muse was just yanking one of my extremities, so I’ll dump the whole section. In other words (or initials): WYSINWYG.
The “Face” (& “Mouth”) of the NRA
—
Le Pew-of-the-open-mouth (Insert item of your choice.)
If you ask “Sam or Samantha Sidewalk” who they think of when they think of the NRA, chances are they’ll name ol’ Peppy aka “No Wang” Wayne. aka Mr. Lapierre (if you’re French). Most people probably think he’s the head honcho, but technically he’s Executive Veep and CEO. NRA Presidents come and go, but ol’ “No Wang” seems to have been around forever. He joined in ’77 and has held his current positions since ’91.
In 1995, NW sent out a fundraising letter in which he called federal agents “jack-booted government thugs” who wear “Nazi bucket helmets and black storm trooper uniforms“. This was just prior to The Oklahoma City bombing. This pissed off “Pappy” Bush so bad, he dumped his NRA membership.
Most of No Wang’s more memorable speeches over the last couple of decades usually sounded the alarm about the impending government gun grabs.
You need those guns to fight off towelhead terrorists and those 1,000,000 Mexican drug gang members in every state. They must be damn good at hiding, because seven states don’t even have a population that large. (Either that, or every single man, woman and child in Montana, Delaware, S. Dakota, N. Dakota, Vermont, Wyoming & Alaska is a druggie gang banger! et tu Sister Sarah? D.C. would qualify as well, but we already knew about them.)
Besides, every man needs at least one long, hard, stiff “weapon”. And the constitution (or, at least the “heller version“) says you can have all the weapons and ammo you want. So there!! :-P
Also, if the damn government doesn’t like it, by golly the NRA members got the guts and the guns to fight them off.
M1_Abrams—
M1_Abrams
Ahh, yah. Good luck with that little pipe dream.
The NRA claims to have a lot of political power to elect their lackeys and take devastating revenge on those who sin against the almighty gun.
At one time? Maybe. Nowadays? Shit no!
Let me explain a little more politely: of all the political super PAC’s and interest groups that funded the last election, the worst ROI (Return On Investment) belonged to the NRA. They backed or opposed candidates on the state, congressional and presidential levels. Their “batting average”: .0089 (less than 1% overall).NRA PACs spent $13 million dollars to defeat that gun-grabbing – constitution hating asshole in the “White”house. That didn’t turn out so well. They also backed eight senatorial candidates to the tune of $100,000 plus (each). They lost seven of those races. The scariest part (if you’re a politician): over half of the house incumbents that lost, were NRA backed.
And, not worth the price.
Sounds like a "win-win" solution to me
According to Lamar Alexander (Repugnut Tennessee Senator) “I think video games is [sic] a bigger problem than guns, because video games affect people.“
You know, over the years, I’ve gotten totally sick of this bullshit. When I was a wee lad, the problem wasn’t guns, it was comic books. (Which killed E.C. comics, but didn’t seem to have too much effect on the rate of violence.) Then later it wasn’t guns, it was violent movies. (Which gave us the movie rating system, but didn’t seem to have too much effect on the rate of violence.) It’s still not guns, but now it’s video games?
When I was a kid I played cowboy and cops & robbers, shooting down the bad guys. (or good guys if I was playing a baddie). Nowadays, I engage in several games that include battles. But, in all that time playing games with imaginary violence, I’ve never once had the urge to go on a killing rampage.
Home Protection
◾a gun in the home carries a murder risk 2.7 times greater than not
◾people are 21 times more likely to be killed by someone they know than a stranger breaking into the house
◾Half of the murders were over arguments or romantic triangles
◾gun-owning households saw an increased murder risk by family or intimate acquaintances, not by strangers or non-intimate acquaintances
◾76.7 percent of the victims were killed by a spouse, family member or someone they knew
◾Strangers comprised only 3.6 percent of the killers.
◾Of the 420 homicides they originally investigated, 96.4 percent were illegal. Only 3.6 percent were ruled legally excusable homicide (that is, self-defense).
◾
Emory University study published in The New England Journal of Medicine (October 7, 1993)
The fecal matter collides with the air stream generator.
After Sandy Hook, there was the usual anti-gun rhetoric and resolution to do something about the growing problem of gun violence. The leeches politicians made their usual condolences to the families of the victims, and bemoaned the fact that it was just an impossible problem to solve. And, besides, the NRA told them there wasn’t any gun problem.
They never are! Not only that, the NRA told them that the 2nd Amendment said you had a right to own weapons that could blow 40-50 people away. (And that part about a “well-regulated militia” was just an etymological misunderstanding anyway.) And, not only that, but the NRA also told them if they even looked like they were going to pretend to do something about the situation, the NRA would kill them politically the next election.And, of course, the gun-butts made their usual claims about the whole thing being faked or part of a government or “one-world” plot or something. (Here’s a link to a bunch of them, gathered together for your convenience. Be amazed by their crudity. Laugh at their stupidity. But remember there are actual living, semi-functional idiots out there that really believe this shit.)
But even if these things were all the same, this time, it was different! This time it was 20 six-year-old kids and six teachers that died trying to defend them. THIS TIME IT WAS OUTRAGEOUS!
Now I know what the “red” stands for in “red states”.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/06/03/charleston-west-virginia-guns_n_3378584.html?utm_hp_ref=politics
http://www.politico.com/story/2013/06/gop-youth-vote-report-92119.html
No Wang Wayne
Wayne LaPierre on the Real Consequences of Universal Background Checks
“Just as tall trees are known by their shadows, so are good men known by their enemies” Chinese Proverbs Quote
Like every good paranoic, the NRA has “enemies”. In fact, they even have a list of those enemies. Their very own ENEMIES LIST.
The following is a brief sample of the nefarious organizations and individuals aligned against the poor little NRA. For more of the “baddies” just click on the link you just passed.
National Organizations
◾AARP
◾American Academy of Pediatrics
◾American Trauma Society
◾American Medical Association
◾American Bar Association
◾American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry
◾American Academy of Pediatrics
◾American Nurses Association
◾American Association of Neurological Surgeons
◾American Jewish Committee
◾American Trauma Society
◾American Psychological Association
◾American Public Health Association
◾Anti-Defamation League
◾B`nai B`rith
◾Children`s Defense Fund
◾Congress of National Black Churches
◾Congress of Neurological Surgeons
◾General Federation of Women`s Clubs
◾Gray Panthers
◾League of Women Voters of the United States
◾Evangelical Lutheran Church in America
◾National Safe Kids Campaign
◾National Association of Police Organizations
◾National Coalition Against Domestic Violence
◾National Association of School Safety and Law Enforcement Officers
◾National Association of Elementary School Principals*
◾National Association of Public Hospitals
◾National Coalition Against Domestic Violence
◾National Council of La Raza
◾National Council of the Churches of Christ in the USA
◾National Parent, Teachers Association
◾National Spinal Cord Injury Association
◾Police Foundation
◾Southern Christian Leadership Conference
◾United States Catholic Conference
◾United Methodist Church
◾United Church of Christ
◾YWCA of the U.S.A.
Celebrities:
◾Maya Angelou
◾Bob Barker
◾Lauren Bacall
◾Tony Bennett
◾Christie Brinkley
◾George Clooney
◾Sean Connery
◾Sally Field
◾Doug Flutie
◾Dustin Hoffman
◾Bette Midler
◾Mary Tyler Moore
◾Leonard Nimoy
◾Julia Roberts
◾Russell Simmons
◾Britney Spears
◾Bruce Springsteen
◾Sylvester Stallone
◾Patrick Stewart
◾The Temptations
◾Vinny Testaverde
◾Shania Twain
◾Andy Williams
◾Oprah Winfrey
National Figures:
◾James E. Carter - Former President
◾C. Everett Koop - Former Surgeon General
Journalists
◾Steve Benson - Cartoonist Arizona Republic
◾Tony Auth - Cartoonist Philadelphia Inquirer
◾Jim Borgman – Cartoonist Zits
◾Jimmy Breslin – Columnist Newsday
◾E.J. Dionne Jr. – Columnist Washington Post
◾Bob Herbert – Columnist NY Times
◾Mike Luckovich – Cartoonist Atlanta Journal Constitution
◾Jimmy Margulies – Cartoonist The Record (Hackensack NJ)
◾Tom Oliphant - Columnist Boston Globe
◾Mike Peters – Cartoonist Mother Goose & Grimm
◾Frank Rich – Columnist NY Times
◾Tim Toles – Cartoonist Washington Post
◾Garry Trudeau – Cartoonist Doonsbury
Corporations
◾A & M Records record company
◾Ben & Jerry`s Homemade, Inc. ice cream & frozen yogurt company
◾Kansas City Chiefs pro football team
◾Kansas City Royals pro baseball team
◾Levi Strauss & Co. clothing company
◾Sara Lee Corporation food company
◾St. Louis Rams pro football team
◾Time Warner Inc. publishing, film and music recording company
Media Outlets
◾Capital Cities/ABC
◾Bell Atlantic-D.C.
◾The Christian Publishing Society
◾Columbia Broadcasting Service
◾Corporation For Public Broadcasting/ PBS Television
◾Cox Newspapers
◾Gannett News Service
◾Johnson Publishing Company, Inc.
◾Knight-Ridder Newspapers
◾Miami Herald
◾Los Angeles Times
◾McCall`s Magazine
◾Motorcycle Cruiser Magazine
◾National Broadcasting Company
◾Newsweek, Inc.
◾Rolling Stone Magazine
◾The New York Times Corporation
◾Time Magazine
◾Times-Mirror Corporation
◾The Baltimore Sun
◾The Tribune Company
◾Washington Post
“Our friends show us what we can do; our enemies teach us what we must do.”
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe Quote
I Quit
The NRA may be the biggest tissue tiger out there, but they’re not the only or even the badassiest (Is that a word? Well, it should be!) There’s even quirkier groups out there that make the NRA seem like Neville Chamberlain. (For all you baggers out there, that means appeasers.)
◾Second Amendment Foundation
◾Citizens Committee for the Right to Keep and Bear Arms
◾National Assn for Gun Rights (It’s been accused several times of being a scam. Don’t know if it is or not. Don’t give a damn.)
◾Gun Owners of America
Speaking of Gun Owners of America, here are a couple of clips featuring its president, Larry Pratt. He was a guest on “Talk to Solomon”, Stan Solomon’s wing-nut radio program.
Pratt took the opportunity to expose Obama’s secret plans to create a private black army to kill white people. Oh yah, and he’s going to confiscate guns and send hundreds of thousands of Americans to prison. (Or maybe those concentration camps that FEMA has been building?)
“That will happen quickly and they will wipe those people out to set an example. I believe they will put together a racial force to go against an opposite race resistance, basically a black force to go against a white resistance, and then they will claim anyone resisting the black force they are doing it because they are racist.”
Of course, the white man is ready for this:
“people are setting up phone-trees all over the place” in case Obama goes through with his plans to “take down the internet.”“If Obama can take your guns away he can take your car, he can take your home, he can take your bank account, he can take your very life,”
Anyway, this clip covers the “private black army”
And this clip covers the upcoming gun confiscations.
This is where I differ from the “liberal” point of view, although to many I’m sure I’m the “L” word. (No! Not that one. I’m not female.)
Baring all this in mind and being the great compromiser that I am, I’ve come up with a solution that should more or less satisfy almost everybody from 2nd Amendment nuts to the anti assault crowd. (In other words: it’ll probably piss everybody off.)
It’s very simple. At the time of the 2nd Amendment, the “arms” they were referring to were mostly American Longrifles, and I seriously doubt that any one of the “Founding Fathers” ever envisioned 100 round ammo magazines let alone 800 r.p.m. machine guns.
Therefore in the spirit of both the letter and the intent of the 2nd Amendment, a U.S. citizen may possess as many of these as they can afford.Kentucky's
They run about $30,000 each, so stock up now and avoid the rush and resultant shortages. Because you know every bagger wants to be true to the Constitution (At least to the parts they like.) and will stock up.
As for fighting off the pesky “One-world, socialist, honkey-hatin’, US government”, a Kentucky longrifle is just as effective as an AR-15. Speaking of which, here’s a knee slapper for you. 2nd Amendment nuts actually think that this
AR-15AR-15
AR-15
◾Cartridge: .223 Remington, 5.56 NATO
◾Rate of fire: 800 rounds/min (fully automatic versions only)
◾Muzzle velocity: 975 m/s (3,200 ft/s)
◾Effective range: 400–600 m (avg 547 yd)
will defend their “freedom” to be jackasses against this
M1 Abrams
M1A2 Abrams
◾Armor: Hull (turret) – 600 (780 mm) mm vs APFSDS, 800 mm (1,060 mm) vs HEAT
◾Main armament: 120 mm L44 M256 smoothbore cannon with 42 rounds
◾Effective range: 8,000 meters (8,700 yd)
◾Secondary armament: 1 × .50-caliber (12.7 mm) M2HB heavy machine gun with 900 rounds; 2 × 7.62 mm (.308) M240 machine guns with 8,800 rounds (1 pintle-mounted, 1 coaxial)
◾Effective range: 2286 meters (2,500 yd) & 1,800 m (1,980 yd)
or this:
Apache on the warpathAH-64 Apache
◾Main armament: AGM-114D Longbow Hellfire air-to-surface missiles
◾Effective range: 12 kilometers (7 miles)
◾Secondary armament: M230 chain gun with 1,200 rounds of ammunition.
◾Rate of fire: 650 rounds/min
◾Effective range: 1,500 m (1,640 yd)
Too bad there won’t be enough left of the “freedom fighters” to bury. (Well, not too bad.)
And lastly, I’m not going to call for a banning of “assault weapons” because I really don’t know what one is, and after reading several definitions, neither does anyone else. Everyone seems to have a definition that benefits their side over the opposition. There’s a federal definition that includes a bayonet mount which doesn’t make too much sense unless you replace “assault” with “war”. It’s kind of like
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ylvAovoO2kk&feature=player_embedded
.
The following has nothing to do with the coming post. I just parked it here till I could find a place for it.
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Grumbles From an Old Grouch
"I'm not everybody's 'cuppa tea'…….But, then again, I don't try to be!"
Search
Main menu
Skip to primary content
Skip to secondary content
Home
A Bit About Me (As if you really, really give a shit)
Biblical Beasts & Boogymen [UNDER CONSTRUCTION]
Fryin’ Ryan – What You Really Need to Know About Paul Ryan (b.y.o. nausea pills)
Mormonism: “The Big Con?” A “Religious Wrong” Special Report (pt 1)
Mormonism: “The Big Con?” A “Religious Wrong” Special Report (pt 2)
Mormonism: “The Big Con?” A “Religious Wrong” Special Report (pt 3)
Mormonism: “The Big Con?” A “Religious Wrong” SpecialReport (pt 4) [UNDER CONSTRUCTION]
Repugnut Thoughts (Mine, not theirs (pt. 1))
Repugnut Thoughts (pt. 2: The Turd Blossom Rationalizations)
Repugnut Thoughts (pt. 3: Ayn Rand, Graveyard Voters & Matthew 7:16)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 1: 2nd Amendment Bullshit)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 2: To Heller & Back)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 3: Collateral Damage)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 4: The Usual Suspects)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 5: More of the Usual)
The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 6: Da BIG Dawgs) [UNDER CONSTRUCTION
The Religious Wrong (pt 1: The Puritanical Years)
The Religious Wrong (pt 2: The Hateteenth Century)
The Religious Wrong (pt 3: The Great(?) Awakening)
The Repuglican War on Women (pt 1: Oh, my Akin Ryan)
The Repuglican War on Women (pt 2: Meanwhile, back in the states.)
The Repuglican War on Women (pt 2b (or not 2b): Meanwhile, back in the states. cont.) [UNDER CONSTRUCTION]
The Scurge(?) or Scourge(?) of Socialism
The Tea Potty (pt 1: The Early Years)
The Tea Potty (pt 10: Clowns & Commodians cont.)
The Tea Potty (pt 2: The “Knights” in Cotton Armor)
The Tea Potty (pt 3: Civil Rights, Civil Wrongs, Civil Rumps)
The Tea Potty (pt 4: From Vietnam to Ventura)
The Tea Potty (pt 5: Who the hell are these people?)
The Tea Potty (pt 6: In the beginning, there was Astro-Turf)
The Tea Potty (pt 7-The local Locos)
The Tea Potty (pt 8: Players & Takers)
The Tea Potty (pt 9-Clowns & Commodians)
The Theory of Evil-ution vs The Myth-ology of Creationism (pt 1)
The Theory of Evil-ution vs The Myth-ology of Creationism (pt 2)
There Are Not Two Sides To Every Story!
Too Many People Vote!
Why Do We Have The Most Powerful Military In The World? (No, Seriously. Why?) (pt 1)
Why Do We Have The Most Powerful Military In The World? (No, seriously. Why?) (pt 2)
The Religious Wrong (pt 1: The Puritanical Years)
One quick disclaimer before I begin: This post is not about the basic philosophy of any major religion. They all basically boil down to “The Golden Rule”. How could someone be against that?
And, as I said in my “The Theory of Evil-ution vs the Mythology of Creationism” post: “Some of my best friends are religious”. It’s true. They are. I have a number of devout friends who earnestly try to make the world a better place.
This isn’t about them. This is about the types of people and actions that give religion a bad name.
Thank you! And now, on with the show.
Religious Hijinks, Lojinks & Bigotry In America (A History)
There can be a strong case made for the idea that America (or what was to become America) was born largely as a refuge from religious intolerance. Massachusetts was mostly colonized by Puritans escaping intolerance in English laws. Connecticut and Rhode Island were colonized by Puritans escaping intolerance from other Puritans. Maryland was colonized by Catholics, and Pennsylvania was colonized by Quakers. Both groups trying to escape English intolerance. (Unfortunately, too many seeking refuge from intolerance brought their own intolerance with them when they came.)
There were the Pilgrims (The Scrooby (Leiden) Congregation):
If you ask the average person what he knows about the Pilgrims, “the top five answers on the board” would probably include (not in chronological order): a) “1st Thanksgiving”, b) “Mayflower”, c) “Plymouth Rock”, d) “1st English colony” and e) “Escaping from religious persecution”.
Well….a) wrong, b) right, c) ???, d) wrong & e) wrong!
a) WRONG: The Pilgrims’ Thanksgiving (early autumn,1621) came two years after the one in Virginia (Dec 4, 1619), 23 years after the one in what is now San Elizario, Texas (Apr 30,1598) and 56 years after the one in St. Augustine Florida (Sept 8, 1565).
(Btw, if you run across a copy of “Stan Freeberg Presents: the United States of America (Vol. 1: The Early Years)”, grab it! His satire on the Pilgrim’s Thanksgiving: “Take an Indian to Lunch This Week” is worth whatever the cd costs.)
b) RIGHT: Yes, the Pilgrims (the Scrooby (Leiden) Congregation) came over on the Mayflower, but they only consisted of 37 out of the 102 passengers. The rest were planters recruited by Thomas Weston or “servants”.
c) ???: There are no contemporary references to Pilgrims landing on a rock. In fact, it wasn’t even mentioned until a Pennsylvania Journal article in 1775. They did land about where Plymouth, MA is now. They were trying to get to the Hudson River area, but it had been a rough voyage. Whether they landed on a rock or not? Maybe they did, and maybe they didn’t. (The Plymouth Chamber of Commerce sure thinks they did.)
d) WRONG: Plymouth Colony was actually the 3rd English colony.
The 1st colony was on Roanoke Island in what was Virginia Colony, but is now North Carolina.
In 1584 Queen Elizabeth (the 1st one) granted a charter to Sir Walter Raleigh
for a colony in Virginia, which of course, was named after Elizabeth, the “Virgin Queen”. Sir Wally, in case you didn’t know, was rumored to be one of her lovers. (So much for the “Virgin” bit.)
Of course, some people remember Sir Walter Raleigh for other reasons.
(I’ll refrain from any “Prince Albert in the can” jokes.)
Roanoke Colony is referred to as the “Lost Colony”. Communications and supplies from Mother England were cut off for three years due to the war with Spain. (Think “Spanish Armada“.) By the time relief/supply ships came back in 1590, everyone had disappeared. (Possibly victims of a UFO attack, or more likely, pissed off local Indians.)The 2nd colony was on Jamestown Island in 1607.
This was the one with Pocahontas and John Smith and tobacco and cannibalism. (More on that in a sec.)
First a word about the Pocahontas myth. NEVER HAPPENED! (Ok, that’s two words.) John Smith made up that story (1 of 3 different ones he told) after Pocahontas was dead and couldn’t call him the liar that he was. (Btw, her real name was Matoaka. Pocahontas means “naughty one” or “spoiled child”.)
Jamestown did give the world tobacco. (Thank you, John Rolf. May you rot for eternity in a smoke-filled room with tobacco spit up to your neck.)
And then there was the cannibalism bit.
Jamestown Island was chosen for its defensive position, not for its prime agricultural potential. In fact, the surrounding area was mostly marshland and brackish water. Also, there was heavy pressure to produce profits, so a lot of time was spent looking for gold instead of farming.
By the winter of 1609-10, it caught up with the colony. That winter became known as the “starving time”. After eating their horses, dogs, cats and the local snakes and rats, some of the colonists turned to “long pork”, digging up graves and dining on the residents.
One colonist even killed and carved up his wife for food. (Of course, he salted her so the meat wouldn’t go bad.) “Whether she was better roasted, boiled or carbonado’d (barbecued), I know not,” Capt. John Smith wrote. “Such a dish as powdered wife, I never heard of.”
38 out of 144 colonists survived the ordeal. Despite this “setback”, Jamestown survived to become the first permanent English colony.
e) WRONG: It is true, that when the Scrooby Congregation left England for the Leiden area in Holland, they were fleeing religious persecution. Holland was an island of tolerance in an intolerant Europe. However, when they left Holland, eventually ending up at Plymouth, persecution was NOT one of the reasons. In fact, Holland was a bit too tolerant for their comfort. There were also, economic, cultural and missionary causes for the move. William Bradford “Of Plymouth Plantation” written from about 1619 to 1650
As colonials, the Pilgrims weren’t all that successful. Of the 102 that landed, only 44 survived the first winter. They eventually faded into the general Puritan population of the Province of Massachusetts Bay. By 1691, Plymouth was no longer a separate colony.
There were the Puritans:
When I was in elementary school, I thought that the Pilgrims were the Puritans or the Puritans were the Pilgrims. (Or something like that.) I was 98% wrong! But even today, I run across “historians” that make the same mistake.
The Pilgrims shared a belief or two such as predestination (More on that coming up.) with the Puritans, but that was about it.
The Pilgrims, as previously noted, were a religious separatist group originally centered around Scrooby in Nottinghamshire, England.
So, who the hell were the Puritans?
Unlike the pilgrims, they were not primarily separatist. Most remained in the Church of England and tried to impose their version of reform internally. (Sort of a 17th Century tea potty.)
As a group, their philosophy was primarily Calvinist.
The “Five Points of Calvinism” (sometimes called the TULIP) are:
◾“Total depravity” While “TD” sounds like it might be a hell of a lot of fun, that’s not what they were referring to. According to Calvinists, since Adam & Eve screwed up with that “apple” (see “The Theory of Evil-ution vs the Myth-ology of Creationism (pt 2)“) all of their descendents are “born into the service of sin”. (Yup. Three day old babies are natural born sinners, just waitin’ for Satan’s instructions.)
◾“Unconditional selection” Another term would be predestination. Predestination is the belief that before there was even an earth, the magic man in the sky had already determined which dead humans would float up and spend eternity with him while the rest of the humans would rot in Hell. Doesn’t make a damn bit of difference what kind of person you are. (So, it’s entirely possible that if you are a “chosen one” you may get to rap with uncle Adolf when you get up there. On the other hand, if you take the basement route, you might run into Gandhi.)
◾“Limited atonement” You’ve heard the old saw about “Christ died for our sins”. LA says that he died for “the chosen ones” sins, not necessarily yours. (So if you ain’t already “chosen”, screw you!)
◾“Irresistible grace” This refers to another one of them saws: “God’s saving grace”. And, once again, it only applies to the “chosen”. (I am curious as to who one blew to win the “chosen” raffle back there in pre-existent times, although I have a sneaky hunch I already know.)
◾“Perseverance of the saints” This one basically boils down to the fact(?) that since Big Daddy is King and he decided that the “chosen” are gonna be saved, they’re damn well gonna be saved, and to Hell with everybody else! (See “Unconditional selection.)
It seems like Puritans were one of the original (not counting the Catholics) fundamentalist churches (in all their negativity).
As I stated a couple of paragraphs back, Puritans were primarily non-separatists. However, some of those who were separatists, at least in the physical sense, separated themselves from England and emigrated to New England. They established the Massachusetts Bay Colony in 1629, and between 1630 & 1640 their numbers swelled by 20,000.
Back in England, Puritans tended to be a bit richer than the Pilgrims had been. They were also more active politically, with de facto control of Parliament. They achieved their greatest power after the First English Civil War. When the monarchy was restored in 1660 with Charles II, things got a bit dicey for the Puritans. And, as of the 1662 Act of Uniformity, (which, btw lasted in part until 2010) Puritans were essentially told to “shape up or ship out” of the Church of England! So, of course, a lot of them shipped out.
Since they suffered a bit of intolerance back home in England, one might assume that they would practice tolerance in their new surroundings. But, then again, one would be a silly ass if one actually assumed that.
Puritans were firm believers in the “my way or the highway” practice of religion. In 1636, Roger Williams (No, not the piano player.) was found guilty of preaching “newe & dangerous opinions” and was exiled. Banished from Massachusetts, he went a bit south and founded Providence Plantation, a much more tolerant colony. You probably know the area by its present name: Rhode Island. Rhode Island, as you may or may not know, (depending on where you were edjumicated) is not an island, but it was an island of tolerance.
More often, the “highway” led to the stocks or worse. Non-conformity, religious or political, was NOT tolerated. (Think John Winthrop and Cotton Mather.) In 1660,they “legally” murdered four Quakers and kicked the rest of them out.
(And, they hadn’t even had a chance to invent Quaker oats yet.)
The four Quakers are referred to as the Boston martyrs. Three of them were English (Marmaduke Stephenson, William Robinson and Mary Dyer.) The fourth Quaker was William Leddra of Barbados. They were condemned to death and executed for their religious beliefs by the Massachusetts Bay Colony Legislature. Several other Friends under sentence of death had their punishments commuted to being whipped from town to town until they were completely out of the colony.
Quaker Mary Dyer led to execution on Boston Common, 1660
And then there was Cotton Mather’s plot to kidnap William Penn and a ship of Quakers and sell them as slaves:
“In the Year of Our Lord 1682
To ye aged and beloved, Mr.John Higginson
There be now at sea a ship called Welcome, which has on board 100 or more of the heretics and malignants called Quakers, with W. Penn, who is the chief scamp, at the head of them. The General Court has accordingly given sacred orders to Master Malachi Huscott, of the brig Porpoise, to waylay the said Welcome slyly as near the Cape of Cop as may be, and make captive the said Penn and his ungodly crew, so that the Lord may be glorified and not mocked on the soil of this new country with the heathen worship of these people. Much spoil can be made of selling the whole lot to Barbadoes, where slaves fetch good prices in rum and sugar and we shall not only do the Lord great good by punishing the wicked, but we shall make great good for His Minister and people.
Yours in the bowels of Christ, (Interesting location. Right in there with all of the rest of the shit.)
Cotton Mather“
Intolerance of Catholics, however, was not an issue. They weren’t even allowed in the Colony in the first place.
All this and slavery too!
There were certain advantages to being good Puritans.
Considering themselves “god’s chosen” (At least they thought so.), anyone who was definitely “not chosen” (i.e. people with darker tans, strange customs, or alternate mythologies.) was fair game. They could be kidnapped, killed or enslaved with impunity. (As long as you had superior firepower.)
Besides, god doesn’t have a problem with slavery. It says so in the bible:
“However, you may purchase male or female slaves from among the foreigners who live among you. You may also purchase the children of such resident foreigners, including those who have been born in your land. You may treat them as your property, passing them on to your children as a permanent inheritance. You may treat your slaves like this, but the people of Israel, your relatives, must never be treated this way.” Leviticus 25:44-46 (New Living Translation)
Or if you’re a King James fanboy:
“44 Both thy bondmen, and thy bondmaids, which thou shalt have, shall be of the heathen that are round about you; of them shall ye buy bondmen and bondmaids.
45 Moreover of the children of the strangers that do sojourn among you, of them shall ye buy, and of their families that are with you, which they begat in your land: and they shall be your possession.
46 And ye shall take them as an inheritance for your children after you, to inherit them for a possession; they shall be your bondmen for ever: but over your brethren the children of Israel, ye shall not rule one over another with rigour.”
Btw, in researching biblical sources, I ran across 33 different bible translations in English. Baring in mind the fact that translation can be very subjective, does this mean that different professors of the “truth” can have their own translations with their own facts? Noting some of the beliefs of some modern day “Christians” that certainly seems to be the situation. And, how can “truth” have so many different versions? Just asking.
What really blows me are the “Jesus’ Words In Red” editions. Strange, but I always thought he spoke Aramaic, not English (middle or modern). Also, since the gospels were written decades later, you have to ask yourself, how many conversations or speeches do you recall from 30 to 60 years ago?
Remember, almost all of his disciples were illiterate, so nobody would have written very much of it down, let alone translated it into a foreign language (Greek). Speaking of which, before Saul (Paul) took over the group, Christianity was a strictly Jewish operation that didn’t want Gentiles joining in the 1st place, so shouldn’t the “original gospels” have been in Aramaic?
Because of the aforementioned reasons among others unstated, I hate to break it to you, but the gospels weren’t written by the disciples. So, it all had to be 2nd or 3rd hand (or more) knowledge (rumor). Also, Matt, Mark, Luke & John Boy don’t see eye-to-eye in a lot of places.
Ok, got that out of my system (sort of) so back to god sanctioned slavery:
Puritan predestination implied that blacks were cursed by god and condemned to serve whites. According to Cotton Mather, (The Puritan’s answer to Rush Limbaugh.) blacks were the “miserable children of Adam & Noah” and slavery was their punishment. (Adam and Noah were the two parents? I didn’t know gay couples could conceive. Now, that’s a miracle!)
And blacks weren’t the only “not chosen” that could be introduced to the finer points of slavery. When Puritans raided Indian encampments (which they often did) they would enslave or sell the women and children. However, being fearful of keeping the males who knew the area and could easily rise up against them, they traded them for blacks from the Caribbean.
Despite it being “OK” with Big Daddy, most Puritans didn’t own slaves. They couldn’t afford them. However, the wealthier Puritans not only owned slaves, many of them were heavily involved in the slave trade. (Hey, B.D.’s not opposed to making a buck. Just ask any televangelist.)
Plus, (wink, wink) the only real reason someone owned slaves was in order to “Christianize” them. (I kid you not! That was the official “spin”.)
A Massachusetts law of 1641 specifically linked slavery to Biblical authority, and established for slaves the set of rules “which the law of God, established in Israel concerning such people, doth morally require.”
Which witch is which?
Yes, the Salem Witch Trials were their doing. (Cotton Mather strikes again!)
“Witch hunts” had been going on in Europe for centuries. England itself, has a rich history of ferreting out ladies who like to “dance with the devil”*. (*Euphemism for doing the “horizontal mambo” with the Bad Boy.)
Why the sexual connotation? Most middle-eastern mythologies (of which, Christianity is one) consider sex as border-line sin, if not an actual illegal immigrant from the “nether side”. That is, unless they’re the individuals partaking in it. (Catholic priests and little boys comes to mind, as do a lot of evangelicals traveling the rainbow trail.)
The Salem witch trials were not the first, let alone the only, witch hunts in Greater New England. In the 50 years preceding Salem, New England Puritans accused 120 people (Women: 88; Men: 32) of witchcraft. That number excludes several accused individuals who turned out to be mere Quakers. In the 1660′s, Hartford Connecticut (a Puritan stronghold) alone executed at least 14.
Still, when you mention witch trials, the 1st name that pops up is Salem. (Way to go, Salem Chamber of Commerce!)
This whole episode started on the word of four girls who claimed they were acting strangely because of stories they were told by the family slave “servant”.
In a world where women were considered property, and were supposed to be silent and subservient, the notoriety was intoxicating. The four, not surprisingly, decided to keep the game going. They were soon joined by others who acted out of greed, jealousy, hatred or just general stupidity.
Cotton Mather had his slimy fingerprints all over this as well. From helping the girls work up their story to inflaming the citizens from the pulpit to getting the person he wanted appointed as judge. All this, but he never attended any of the trials.
The “witches” were accused of causing sickness, harming animals, pinching sleeping people and acting generally unladylike. (For instance, yelling at their husbands in public.)
By the time it was over:
“…Nineteen persons having been hang’d and one prest to death, and Eight more condemned, in all Twenty and Eight, of which above a third part were members of some of the Churches of N. England, and more than half of them of a good Conversation in general, and not one clear’d; about Fifty having confest themselves to be Witches, of which not one Executed; above an Hundred and Fifty in Prison, and Two Hundred more acccused; the Special Commision of Oyer and Terminer comes to a period,…“ Robert Calef: “More Wonders of the Invisible World, Display’d in Five Parts.” (1700)
150 people had been accused, of which 117 were women. Nineteen were hanged (14 women and 5 men). (Like I said, all middle-eastern mythologies are sexist.)
Contrary to popular belief however, nobody was burned at the stake. That happened in Europe, but never in North America. (That punishment seemed to be reserved for revolting slaves.)
One man, Giles Corey, was pressed to death because he wouldn’t confirm or deny his witchery. (Many defendants charged with capital offences refused to plead. That way they would escape forfeiture of property, and their heirs would still inherit their estate.)
Right now, you’re probably asking yourself “How do you prove someone’s a magic witch when magic witches don’t really exist?” (Sorry, Wiccans.)
The judge solved that problem right away. The court would allow “spectral evidence” (Wo0ooo00oo0)
Spectral evidence, if you’re a bit curious is “evidence based on dreams and visions”. For instance, the accused witch’s spirit (i.e. spectre) appeared to the witness in a dream (of course, the spectre could have been in the form of a wolf or other animal, but it was definitely the witch). Thus, a witnesses could testify that “Goody Proctor bit, pinched, and almost choked me,” and that would be taken as evidence that the accused was responsible for biting, pinching and choking even though they were somewhere else at the time.
There have been many explanations of the “witches”. My personal belief is that they were born in stupidity and raised in intolerance and hatred. (And, I’m not talking about the “witches”.)
Well, that’s it for this episode. Join me next time as I continue traveling down the bigoted byways and back roads of American religious history.
(One last note: Somewhere on your “bucket list”, put Halloween party in Salem, Mass.)
Grouchy
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