AtheisNexus.org stories: Recently Found and A Tale of Two Families

The tale of two families...
Posted by Amy Holloway on April 12, 2011 at 11:46am in Coming Out Atheist
View Discussions
.



A little background info: I was adopted at 6 weeks old through Catholic Charities, my "parents" are devout Presbyterians. They raised me hoping I would be the same. Little did they know.

Here I am 25 years later, I denounced my "faith" 9 years ago and haven't looked back. There's always been one small problem in my perfect non-theist life, my mother. Every year she asks me to go to church with her for Easter or Christmas or whatever. Every holiday I have to remind her I don't do that anymore. Not for her, not for anyone. And every time the same ol' fight brews.

Two years ago I young man contacted me on Facebook claiming he may of been my birth brother. I wanted nothing to do with any of it out of fear and lack of support. Finally the beginning of this year I told myself things were going to change, I contacted him again, we spoke we hung out a few times and then I started talking to his (our) mother. After a DNA test came back as a positive match we began our new lives together as one happy, non-theist family. The kind I had always dreamed of.

I try to separate myself from my "family" who claim they want the best for me, while condemning me to Hell for living with my fiancé, and wanting a secular wedding. Yes, according to my mother, if you're not married in the eyes of God you're doomed to live the rest of eternity in Hell.

*sigh*

I keep wondering when I can come out to my "family" about my complete lack of belief (they still think I'm a lost soul or something) and while I'm at it, telling them about my birth family with whom I have a secret life with.






 Like 

.
Share Twitter
  



Views: 21
▶ Reply to This
..


Replies to This Discussion
 Permalink Reply by Amy Holloway on April 12, 2011 at 12:59pm

I accidentally left out the fact, that, like most theist I know I adoptive family, mainly my mother, isn't the most open and accepting type. Thus why I can't come out completely to them as an atheist. She would turn the whole birth family issue into an attack against me. When it was my brother who set out to find me the whole time.

As for atheism running in the family, my sister and both brothers, mother, step father and whole maternal side are atheist. Haha
▶ Reply

 Permalink Reply by dr kellie on April 12, 2011 at 12:43pm

I know how you feel about the Easter and xmas situations.  I am 42, and I don't go home on either holiday to avoid the whole deal.  My mother sings in the Presbyterian choir, and usually has a solo on holidays, so the pressure is too much to take.  She and my father would be amazed to know that I would actually come home for holidays if I didn't have to go to church and/or explain why I wouldn't go.

Your birth family sounds amazing.  It is great that you found each other.  I have no idea when you should come out.  I have wanted to come out as an atheist for several years now, but I fear that it is easier for everyone involved to keep it to myself.  I think if I do ever come out, it will be because I'm being pressed, but I think both my parents know which questions not to ask, because they are afraid of what my answer will be.

Maybe you should consider telling one thing at a time.  I would leave out that your birth family is non-theist, at least for a while.
▶ Reply



                

http://www.atheistnexus.org/forum/topics/the-tale-of-two-families






















The tale of two families...
Posted by Amy Holloway on April 12, 2011 at 11:46am in Coming Out Atheist
View Discussions
.



A little background info: I was adopted at 6 weeks old through Catholic Charities, my "parents" are devout Presbyterians. They raised me hoping I would be the same. Little did they know.

Here I am 25 years later, I denounced my "faith" 9 years ago and haven't looked back. There's always been one small problem in my perfect non-theist life, my mother. Every year she asks me to go to church with her for Easter or Christmas or whatever. Every holiday I have to remind her I don't do that anymore. Not for her, not for anyone. And every time the same ol' fight brews.

Two years ago I young man contacted me on Facebook claiming he may of been my birth brother. I wanted nothing to do with any of it out of fear and lack of support. Finally the beginning of this year I told myself things were going to change, I contacted him again, we spoke we hung out a few times and then I started talking to his (our) mother. After a DNA test came back as a positive match we began our new lives together as one happy, non-theist family. The kind I had always dreamed of.

I try to separate myself from my "family" who claim they want the best for me, while condemning me to Hell for living with my fiancé, and wanting a secular wedding. Yes, according to my mother, if you're not married in the eyes of God you're doomed to live the rest of eternity in Hell.

*sigh*

I keep wondering when I can come out to my "family" about my complete lack of belief (they still think I'm a lost soul or something) and while I'm at it, telling them about my birth family with whom I have a secret life with.






 Like 

.
Share Twitter
  



Views: 21
▶ Reply to This
..


Replies to This Discussion
 Permalink Reply by Amy Holloway on April 12, 2011 at 12:59pm

I accidentally left out the fact, that, like most theist I know I adoptive family, mainly my mother, isn't the most open and accepting type. Thus why I can't come out completely to them as an atheist. She would turn the whole birth family issue into an attack against me. When it was my brother who set out to find me the whole time.

As for atheism running in the family, my sister and both brothers, mother, step father and whole maternal side are atheist. Haha
▶ Reply

 Permalink Reply by dr kellie on April 12, 2011 at 12:43pm

I know how you feel about the Easter and xmas situations.  I am 42, and I don't go home on either holiday to avoid the whole deal.  My mother sings in the Presbyterian choir, and usually has a solo on holidays, so the pressure is too much to take.  She and my father would be amazed to know that I would actually come home for holidays if I didn't have to go to church and/or explain why I wouldn't go.

Your birth family sounds amazing.  It is great that you found each other.  I have no idea when you should come out.  I have wanted to come out as an atheist for several years now, but I fear that it is easier for everyone involved to keep it to myself.  I think if I do ever come out, it will be because I'm being pressed, but I think both my parents know which questions not to ask, because they are afraid of what my answer will be.

Maybe you should consider telling one thing at a time.  I would leave out that your birth family is non-theist, at least for a while.
▶ Reply




http://www.atheistnexus.org/forum/topics/the-tale-of-two-families










Recently found
Posted by Natasha Keep on November 3, 2010 at 8:33pm in Introductions
View Discussions
.


I have been back and forth over and over again. I was baptized catholic and everything, heard the stories of god since I was little. Then when so much bad happened to me I questioned if a oh so great wonderful god would let this happen to me. Then after I had a child I said well how would I ever get a miracle like this to happen if their wasn't a god. And finally almost 9 years later, 2 kids now, I started questioning and wondering. I read parts of the bible and started studying a lot of science stuff. Came across the whole Evolution vs creation debate, and I changed. I started to see things for what they are or in this case what they are not. The world is magnificent, it is a miracle , but I think it's all a miracle of science. My views have became very strong in the last year or so. I didn't know there was a word for not believing in god until about 6 months ago. Then I found out that's what athiest or nonthiest meant. I am still learning, still exploring and still questioning. So I guess that is why I am here. I want to meet other people that have these views.
Thanks for reading my first rant here........have a nice day!!






 Like 

.
Share Twitter
  



Views: 1
▶ Reply to This
..


Replies to This Discussion
 Permalink Reply by Craig Myers on November 4, 2010 at 9:38pm
Welcome fellow heathen! I am also pretty new to Atheist Nexus. It is nice to have a place to talk to fellow atheists and know that you are not alone. You probably have experienced how hard it is to even talk about being atheist in "the real world", even though 5-15% (depending on the survey) of Americans don't believe in god. My wife is Christian, though not a church-goer. I also have two kids. We let them decide about god for themselves. My son (17) has decided that he is atheist. My daughter (12) still believes in god. She only stopped believing in Santa Claus a year ago, so maybe there is still hope. What about your husband and children? Christian? What are you teaching your kids about religion?
▶ Reply

 Permalink Reply by Brent Feeney on November 4, 2010 at 9:54pm
Welcome to the Nexus - I'm fairly new here myself. I'm finding it's a great place to talk with fellow atheists and non-theists about common problems and other subjects. I'm across from you in St. Louis, so if you'd like to chat sometime...feel free.
▶ Reply

 Permalink Reply by Scot68 on November 4, 2010 at 10:14pm
Yes welcome. It's good to have a place to discuss things of this nature, especially if like me there aren't many opportunities to do so at home and work. It is sometimes less comforting to have an atheist belief as opposed to a belief in a benevolent god, but it is nice to be able to truly believe and not just want to believe. At least that's how I feel.
▶ Reply


http://www.atheistnexus.org/forum/topics/recently-found





















Recently found
Posted by Natasha Keep on November 3, 2010 at 8:33pm in Introductions
View Discussions
.


I have been back and forth over and over again. I was baptized catholic and everything, heard the stories of god since I was little. Then when so much bad happened to me I questioned if a oh so great wonderful god would let this happen to me. Then after I had a child I said well how would I ever get a miracle like this to happen if their wasn't a god. And finally almost 9 years later, 2 kids now, I started questioning and wondering. I read parts of the bible and started studying a lot of science stuff. Came across the whole Evolution vs creation debate, and I changed. I started to see things for what they are or in this case what they are not. The world is magnificent, it is a miracle , but I think it's all a miracle of science. My views have became very strong in the last year or so. I didn't know there was a word for not believing in god until about 6 months ago. Then I found out that's what athiest or nonthiest meant. I am still learning, still exploring and still questioning. So I guess that is why I am here. I want to meet other people that have these views.
Thanks for reading my first rant here........have a nice day!!






 Like 

.
Share Twitter
  



Views: 1
▶ Reply to This
..


Replies to This Discussion
 Permalink Reply by Craig Myers on November 4, 2010 at 9:38pm
Welcome fellow heathen! I am also pretty new to Atheist Nexus. It is nice to have a place to talk to fellow atheists and know that you are not alone. You probably have experienced how hard it is to even talk about being atheist in "the real world", even though 5-15% (depending on the survey) of Americans don't believe in god. My wife is Christian, though not a church-goer. I also have two kids. We let them decide about god for themselves. My son (17) has decided that he is atheist. My daughter (12) still believes in god. She only stopped believing in Santa Claus a year ago, so maybe there is still hope. What about your husband and children? Christian? What are you teaching your kids about religion?
▶ Reply

 Permalink Reply by Brent Feeney on November 4, 2010 at 9:54pm
Welcome to the Nexus - I'm fairly new here myself. I'm finding it's a great place to talk with fellow atheists and non-theists about common problems and other subjects. I'm across from you in St. Louis, so if you'd like to chat sometime...feel free.
▶ Reply

 Permalink Reply by Scot68 on November 4, 2010 at 10:14pm
Yes welcome. It's good to have a place to discuss things of this nature, especially if like me there aren't many opportunities to do so at home and work. It is sometimes less comforting to have an atheist belief as opposed to a belief in a benevolent god, but it is nice to be able to truly believe and not just want to believe. At least that's how I feel.
▶ Reply

.
                

http://www.atheistnexus.org/forum/topics/recently-found