I can still remember the big prods in my conscience. Sitting there, Bible in hand and my attention wavering, there would be a large bellowing voice echoing around the room reading from Watchtower literature, telling stories and even the odd joke. These times were mostly at conventions of the Jehovah’s Witnesses where thousands would gather in sports stadiums or arenas and, for three days on average, give talks, dramas and interviews to ‘strengthen’ our faith. The meetings held in Kingdom Halls generally didn’t challenge my morals, I generally only paid half of my attention to them anyway.
There was one occasion that I still remember so vividly. It struck me with a sickening blow to my stomach. Something in me set off an alarm, desperately shouting, “Get out! Get out!” and it was at that moment that I realised where I was and what the organisation represented. It was an interview in comfy chairs in front of the entire audience of thousands.
This was particularly special to anyone in our congregation as the woman being interviewed on the stage was an Elder’s wife who went to our meetings back where we lived. I can’t say I liked her, but trying to be very ‘Christian’ I overlooked negativity like this and was smiling to see her as a voice for our congregation. It was standard sort of questions, such the joy of preaching door-to-door, ways to strengthen faith, but then he asked something that caught my attention, it went something like this:
“Did you have any problems becoming one of Jehovah’s Witnesses?”
Apparently the first time she attended a gathering of Witnesses was a convention just like the one she was speaking at as I sat and listened. She had nervously made her way to the arena on her own and found the Witness that she had been studying with in the crowd and took her seat next to him and his family. After the day of talks and ‘spiritual guidance’, a member of the Witnesses took her to one side and politely reprimanded her for something. What was it? Her behaviour? Had she spoken loudly when someone was talking? No. She had worn a trouser suit.
“I was so relieved to be informed what the proper attire was for a Christian woman, skirt or dress!” The audience applauded and some laughed in agreement.
I sat in shock. What was this? Why couldn’t she have the same rights as anyone else? Why, as long as she looked smart, couldn’t she wear what she liked?
I realised that I couldn’t agree with what was being said. For the rest of the day I didn’t read my Bible, I didn’t take notes from the talks. I just sat feeling uneasy. I was uncomfortable and the more I thought about the environment, it sickened me. I didn’t want to be involved in a community that told you what to wear and who to be. One of my best friends was gay and I knew they thought his behaviour was immoral – I didn’t. He was a kind-hearted and loving human being that I greatly respected. I refused to change my ideals.
As the weeks went on, I read into the Witnesses and realised that preaching equality was not their agenda.
In their book, “Your Youth—Getting the Best out of It” (1976) I found the following:
“Weakly giving in to sexual desires by masturbation will certainly not give you strength when faced with a situation tempting you to commit fornication—or even homosexuality. Just the opposite, it cultivates wrong thinking and wrong desire. In fact, masturbation can lead into homosexuality. In such instances the person, not satisfied with his lonely sexual activity, seeks a partner for mutual sex play.
This happens much more frequently than you may realize. Contrary to what many persons think, homosexuals are not born that way, but their homosexual behavior is learned. And often a person gets started when very young by playing with another’s sexual parts, and then engaging in homosexual acts.”
The entire thing disgusted me. It was backwards, insulting and deeply, deeply disgusting. I kept looking and found this from the Watchtower Feb 15th, 1977:
“Paul wrote that when praying a woman ought to wear a head covering—be it a hat, scarf or head veil—as “a sign of authority.” (1 Cor. 11:10) It was to be an evidence that she recognized the principle of headship. But when would she need to cover her head?”
I’d laughed as a child seeing my aunt put a table cloth on her head when she prayed. I thought it was just a joke. But now, I realised it wasn’t funny and the Bible was not giving the teachings I agreed with.
I was at a crisis of conscience. What would I do? My father – with whom I lived after his marriage broke apart – was greatly passionate in his belief and I knew it wasn’t going to be easy to get out. But I had to.
Some events would later make it a much easier decision to make.
Tags: atheism, atheist, christian, christianity, fear, god, heart, homosexuality, inequality, jehovah, Jehovah's, jehovahs witnesses, pray, prayer, religious, sexism, witness, witnessesI can still remember the big prods in my conscience. Sitting there, Bible in hand and my attention wavering, there would be a large bellowing voice echoing around the room reading from Watchtower literature, telling stories and even the odd joke. These times were mostly at conventions of the Jehovah’s Witnesses where thousands would gather in sports stadiums or arenas and, for three days on average, give talks, dramas and interviews to ‘strengthen’ our faith. The meetings held in Kingdom Halls generally didn’t challenge my morals, I generally only paid half of my attention to them anyway.
There was one occasion that I still remember so vividly. It struck me with a sickening blow to my stomach. Something in me set off an alarm, desperately shouting, “Get out! Get out!” and it was at that moment that I realised where I was and what the organisation represented. It was an interview in comfy chairs in front of the entire audience of thousands.
This was particularly special to anyone in our congregation as the woman being interviewed on the stage was an Elder’s wife who went to our meetings back where we lived. I can’t say I liked her, but trying to be very ‘Christian’ I overlooked negativity like this and was smiling to see her as a voice for our congregation. It was standard sort of questions, such the joy of preaching door-to-door, ways to strengthen faith, but then he asked something that caught my attention, it went something like this:
“Did you have any problems becoming one of Jehovah’s Witnesses?”
Apparently the first time she attended a gathering of Witnesses was a convention just like the one she was speaking at as I sat and listened. She had nervously made her way to the arena on her own and found the Witness that she had been studying with in the crowd and took her seat next to him and his family. After the day of talks and ‘spiritual guidance’, a member of the Witnesses took her to one side and politely reprimanded her for something. What was it? Her behaviour? Had she spoken loudly when someone was talking? No. She had worn a trouser suit.
“I was so relieved to be informed what the proper attire was for a Christian woman, skirt or dress!” The audience applauded and some laughed in agreement.
I sat in shock. What was this? Why couldn’t she have the same rights as anyone else? Why, as long as she looked smart, couldn’t she wear what she liked?
I realised that I couldn’t agree with what was being said. For the rest of the day I didn’t read my Bible, I didn’t take notes from the talks. I just sat feeling uneasy. I was uncomfortable and the more I thought about the environment, it sickened me. I didn’t want to be involved in a community that told you what to wear and who to be. One of my best friends was gay and I knew they thought his behaviour was immoral – I didn’t. He was a kind-hearted and loving human being that I greatly respected. I refused to change my ideals.
As the weeks went on, I read into the Witnesses and realised that preaching equality was not their agenda.
In their book, “Your Youth—Getting the Best out of It” (1976) I found the following:
“Weakly giving in to sexual desires by masturbation will certainly not give you strength when faced with a situation tempting you to commit fornication—or even homosexuality. Just the opposite, it cultivates wrong thinking and wrong desire. In fact, masturbation can lead into homosexuality. In such instances the person, not satisfied with his lonely sexual activity, seeks a partner for mutual sex play.
This happens much more frequently than you may realize. Contrary to what many persons think, homosexuals are not born that way, but their homosexual behavior is learned. And often a person gets started when very young by playing with another’s sexual parts, and then engaging in homosexual acts.”
The entire thing disgusted me. It was backwards, insulting and deeply, deeply disgusting. I kept looking and found this from the Watchtower Feb 15th, 1977:
“Paul wrote that when praying a woman ought to wear a head covering—be it a hat, scarf or head veil—as “a sign of authority.” (1 Cor. 11:10) It was to be an evidence that she recognized the principle of headship. But when would she need to cover her head?”
I’d laughed as a child seeing my aunt put a table cloth on her head when she prayed. I thought it was just a joke. But now, I realised it wasn’t funny and the Bible was not giving the teachings I agreed with.
I was at a crisis of conscience. What would I do? My father – with whom I lived after his marriage broke apart – was greatly passionate in his belief and I knew it wasn’t going to be easy to get out. But I had to.
Some events would later make it a much easier decision to make.
Tags: atheism, atheist, christian, christianity, fear, god, heart, homosexuality, inequality, jehovah, Jehovah's, jehovahs witnesses, pray, prayer, religious, sexism, witness, witnesses
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