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Gay Synagogues’ Uncertain Future
As mainstream acceptance grows—along with membership—gay congregations face unexpected questions
By Michal Lemberger|March 11, 2013 12:00 AM|Comments: 0
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Beth Chayim Chadashim’s new green synagogue building, 2011. (Kenna Love)
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In the meantime, LGBT congregations focused on the work they set out to accomplish. They held Friday night and High Holiday services, as well as yearly community Seders. As the years passed, they grappled with the AIDS crisis and created ceremonies to mark the life-cycle events, tragic and joyous, reflective of the realities of their members’ lives.
Religious observance, social action, and political advocacy were entwined in the LGBT synagogue movement from the start. Founded by those who were fighting for their own legitimacy in a national culture that still enshrined homophobia in its jurisprudence and worldview, the congregations never saw themselves merely as a refuge from the larger world. Rather, as Kleinbaum stressed, they were a means to engaging with it. “We’re really addressing relevant issues of the 21st century. That comes from wisdom we’ve gained from being a gay shul,” she said, explaining CBST’s commitment to fighting not just against anti-gay bias but for the rights of immigrants, the homeless, and others.
By the 1990s, the daily reality for many LGBT Americans slowly began to shift. The drive for marriage equality was still years away, but acceptance was growing in both secular and Jewish spheres.
By the turn of the 21st century, LGBT individuals, couples, and same-sex-headed families were welcomed as full and equal participants in more liberal mainstream congregations. But the leadership lagged behind. While the Reconstructionist Movement ordained its first lesbian rabbi in 1985, and Hebrew Union College-Jewish Institute of Religion began admitting openly LGBT students to its Reform rabbinical seminary in 1990, it took until 2007 for the Conservative movement to follow suit.
***
No longer excluded, LGBT Jews found themselves in a novel position. For the first time, they could choose where to affiliate without denying part of their identity. The degree to which this is true varies from city to city—LGBT Jews outside metropolitan areas still struggle—but in many places around the country, being openly gay and committed Jews became possible.
Examples of ways in which mainstream synagogues have reached out to LGBT Jews are not hard to find. Not only do clergy at B’nai Jeshurun, the third-oldest Ashkenazi synagogue in America, perform gay marriages, the community as a whole was vocally active in calling for the ultimately successful call to legalize same-sex marriage in New York State. Valley Beth Shalom, a large Conservative synagogue in Los Angeles, has invited LGBT families to join as members for well over a decade and publicly took a stand against homophobia after the 2001 Boy Scouts of America decision to exclude gay men from leadership positions. Synagogues in cities with smaller Jewish populations have also stepped up: Ru’ach, the havurah dedicated to serving the LGBT community at Temple Israel of Greater Miami, runs programs year-round. And, despite the discomfort of some members, Agudas Achim, in Austin, Texas, performed what they called a brit ahavah (“covenant of love”) in 2005, solemnizing the relationship of a lesbian couple, on the synagogue’s bimah.
The shifts in mainstream synagogues and denominations have had a profound effect on LGBT synagogues and temples. Those in L.A., New York, and San Francisco continue to grow and thrive. It’s not just the physical buildings. Their missions and populations have expanded, too. In addition to children’s programming, they have seen their straight-identified membership increase. While CBST does not, on principle, count its members according to sexual orientation, it now boasts a large straight contingent. San Francisco’s Sha’ar Zahav, founded in 1977, has no such qualms: One-third of its 350 member families now identify as straight, according to longtime member and former President Alex Ingersoll.
These cities are big enough to accommodate both vibrant LGBT synagogues and any number of mainstream congregations that may hold more appeal to some gay Jews. In smaller cities, the ability of LGBT Jews to choose to affiliate with institutions that may once have been closed to them has produced different results.
In Boston, for example, the local LGBT synagogue Am Tikva has been in existence since 1976, but it remains small and lay-led. Similarly, Congregation Etz Chaim in Southern Florida maintains a devoted, if largely older membership. Both Boston and Southern Florida have sizable Jewish communities, but Am Tikva and CEC do not necessarily represent the center of LGBT Jewish life in their communities. As more options open, local LGBT Jews choose synagogues to pray at and affiliate with based not solely on where they will be welcome as gay men and lesbians, but on personal preferences: type of prayer service, religious and social programming, even how much traffic they’ll have to fight on Friday nights.
In still other cities, LGBT synagogues are losing their distinctive character. In Cleveland, Chevrei Tikvah became a havurah within a large, well-established mainstream Reform congregation in 2005. And in Atlanta, Congregation Bet Haverim has embraced the gradual expansion of its mission; now the city’s only Reconstuctionist temple, it proudly touts its founding by gay men and lesbians while serving a membership of which a full 50 percent identify as straight.
“We have been an incredible model of how to embrace differences and how to create a vibrant community.”
Jeri Kagel, president emerita at Bet Haverim, explained the process of opening up to more straight members. Established as an independent congregation by a group of gay men and lesbians, the synagogue began to expand its membership even before joining the Reconstructionist movement, when its progressive vision began to attract increasing numbers of non-LGBT people. Slowly, the criteria set by the congregation changed, from the demand that members had to be gay to belong to eventually abolishing all restrictions to membership.
“Our fear,” Kagel explained, “was that we’d be taken over, that our gay and lesbian identity would be lost, but ultimately we decided that we didn’t want to do to others what they did to us, which is not be welcoming.” But, she added, “thankfully, our fears have not been realized, and our dreams have. We have been an incredible model of how to embrace differences and how to create a vibrant community.”
Still, LGBT-oriented synagogues struggle with the same dilemmas as all other non-Orthodox congregations: Fewer and fewer people are joining as members. Even the most inclusive mainstream synagogues struggle to maintain their dues bases. The situation seems especially stark among LGBT Jews. According to Nehirim’s Michaelson, only 12 percent belong to any congregation. As Joan Schaeffer, the first lesbian president of the mainstream Temple Israel of Greater Miami said, “The Jewish community is looking for Jews. People aren’t aligning themselves with religious institutions as much as they used to, so it’s a little bit easier to be who you are these days.”
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Michal Lemberger is a writer and editor whose work has appeared in Slate, Salon, and Narratively. Follow her on Twitter at @wordmama.
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Gay Synagogues’ Uncertain Future
As mainstream acceptance grows—along with membership—gay congregations face unexpected questions
By Michal Lemberger|March 11, 2013 12:00 AM|Comments: 0
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Beth Chayim Chadashim’s new green synagogue building, 2011. (Kenna Love)
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At the same time, a demographic shift began. By the 1990s, more and more nuclear families were becoming part of the fabric of the LGBT synagogue. For the first time, integrating children into synagogue life became an issue in environments that had been formed by adults. What Kleinbaum notes about CBST is true across the board: LGBT congregations “started as adult-oriented communities.” In this, they broke from the model of other liberal temples and synagogues in America, which were established to serve families with young children right from the start.
According to Steven M. Cohen, director of the Berman Jewish Policy Archive at NYU’s Robert F. Wagner Graduate School of Public Service, the number of LGBT people affiliating will only grow when they have more children, explaining, “The people who are most involved are the ones raising Jewish children, because at that point in their lives they have to reflect upon what it means to be Jewish, and they need the help of other Jews to socialize their children into Jewish life.”
That day may come, but for now, most LGBT Jews don’t have children. Those who choose to participate in synagogue life do so for any number of other reasons. “There are people,” said Keshet’s Klein, “who wanted to go to a ‘regular’ shul. Or wanted a rabbi. Or wanted services every week. Or wanted a particular service or a shul with its own building. Or a host of other reasons that people will choose one shul over another.”
***
CBST's new building
The building that will house CBST’s new home at 130 W. 30th St.
LGBT congregations have proven themselves to be an important part of the landscape of organized Judaism. In welcoming members’ straight families and allies, they continue to teach mainstream synagogues how to become more inclusive. They have led the way in creating prayers and ceremonies that are both steeped in tradition and speak to the needs of the modern world. They dedicated themselves to social action long before it became a catchword in the broader Jewish world.
But what of the future? As liberal synagogues, both LGBT and mainstream, struggle to attract and retain members, will they band together to change the way organized Jewish life functions? Will mainstream synagogues catch up and render LGBT-identified synagogues irrelevant?
Cohen thinks so, especially because there is a significant minority of LGBT “younger adults, who are post-sexual orientation about identity.” Nehirim’s Michaelson agrees: “Generally, millennials are a generation of people not interested in self-segregation. Just being gay is boring. To choose an LGBT-specific community, there has to be another compelling reason, something more than mere identity.”
That trend will no doubt continue, but it may not presage the end of the LGBT synagogue movement. Judaism, after all, has never been uniform. It has long accommodated differences, whether between Sephardi and Ashkenazi, Orthodox and liberal, LGBT and mainstream. Keshet’s Klein predicts, “In 40 years, LGBT shuls will be alive and well and will continue the current trend of being ever more diverse and ever more sensitive to inclusion while still being particularly attuned to the needs of gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender people.”
***
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Michal Lemberger is a writer and editor whose work has appeared in Slate, Salon, and Narratively. Follow her on Twitter at @wordmama.
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As mainstream acceptance grows—along with membership—gay congregations face unexpected questions
By Michal Lemberger|March 11, 2013 12:00 AM|Comments: 0
PrintEmail
Share429 Tweet38 2 1
Beth Chayim Chadashim’s new green synagogue building, 2011. (Kenna Love)
Related Content
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By helping gay kids, synagogues and Jewish schools can make the community better for all of us
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At the same time, a demographic shift began. By the 1990s, more and more nuclear families were becoming part of the fabric of the LGBT synagogue. For the first time, integrating children into synagogue life became an issue in environments that had been formed by adults. What Kleinbaum notes about CBST is true across the board: LGBT congregations “started as adult-oriented communities.” In this, they broke from the model of other liberal temples and synagogues in America, which were established to serve families with young children right from the start.
According to Steven M. Cohen, director of the Berman Jewish Policy Archive at NYU’s Robert F. Wagner Graduate School of Public Service, the number of LGBT people affiliating will only grow when they have more children, explaining, “The people who are most involved are the ones raising Jewish children, because at that point in their lives they have to reflect upon what it means to be Jewish, and they need the help of other Jews to socialize their children into Jewish life.”
That day may come, but for now, most LGBT Jews don’t have children. Those who choose to participate in synagogue life do so for any number of other reasons. “There are people,” said Keshet’s Klein, “who wanted to go to a ‘regular’ shul. Or wanted a rabbi. Or wanted services every week. Or wanted a particular service or a shul with its own building. Or a host of other reasons that people will choose one shul over another.”
***
CBST's new building
The building that will house CBST’s new home at 130 W. 30th St.
LGBT congregations have proven themselves to be an important part of the landscape of organized Judaism. In welcoming members’ straight families and allies, they continue to teach mainstream synagogues how to become more inclusive. They have led the way in creating prayers and ceremonies that are both steeped in tradition and speak to the needs of the modern world. They dedicated themselves to social action long before it became a catchword in the broader Jewish world.
But what of the future? As liberal synagogues, both LGBT and mainstream, struggle to attract and retain members, will they band together to change the way organized Jewish life functions? Will mainstream synagogues catch up and render LGBT-identified synagogues irrelevant?
Cohen thinks so, especially because there is a significant minority of LGBT “younger adults, who are post-sexual orientation about identity.” Nehirim’s Michaelson agrees: “Generally, millennials are a generation of people not interested in self-segregation. Just being gay is boring. To choose an LGBT-specific community, there has to be another compelling reason, something more than mere identity.”
That trend will no doubt continue, but it may not presage the end of the LGBT synagogue movement. Judaism, after all, has never been uniform. It has long accommodated differences, whether between Sephardi and Ashkenazi, Orthodox and liberal, LGBT and mainstream. Keshet’s Klein predicts, “In 40 years, LGBT shuls will be alive and well and will continue the current trend of being ever more diverse and ever more sensitive to inclusion while still being particularly attuned to the needs of gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender people.”
***
Like this article? Sign up for our Daily Digest to get Tablet Magazine’s new content in your inbox each morning.
1 2 3View as single page
Michal Lemberger is a writer and editor whose work has appeared in Slate, Salon, and Narratively. Follow her on Twitter at @wordmama.
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Rabbi AlanHenkin says:
March 11, 2013
5:59 AM
One small clarification to an otherwise terrific article: the Union of American Hebrew Congregations’ rabbi, to whom Sass refers, was Erwin Herman, who courageously championed the chartering of BCC in the face of ferocious opposition. His son Jeff came out of the closet and eventually died from complications of AIDS in 1992. In memory of Jeff, Erv and his wife Aggie created the Jeff Herman Virtual Resource Center for Sexual Orientation at Hebrew Union College – Jewish Institute of Religion. http://huc.edu/ijso/jhvrc/jhvrc.php
simon.lissak@gmail.com says:
March 11, 2013
10:09 AM
Funny… An LGBT shul is fine…. But a Messianic Shul is heresy!? How does that work?
oaklandj says:
March 11, 2013
10:20 AM
One is Jewish, and the other is Christian. That’s why.
Bryan Bridges says:
March 11, 2013
10:28 AM
Not heresy, but a church.
Tiela Chalmers says:
March 11, 2013
10:42 AM
An interesting question this article hints at – is there a uniquely LGBT perspective on Judaism, in addition to simply being welcoming of LGBT individuals and families? I believe there is – an understanding of the need to engage with the text, an empathy for the other, a commitment to the need to be “out” in all the ways one might be, a deep commitment to social justice, a genuine intention to let our children be exactly who they are – but that it is not necessary to be LGBT to embrace that perspective.
simon.lissak@gmail.com says:
March 11, 2013
11:00 AM
church=gathering=assembly=synagogue=same
simon.lissak@gmail.com says:
March 11, 2013
11:03 AM
Christ-ian = Moshiach-ian = Jewish and Maimonides
states that one who does not believe in Moshiach, or does not await
his coming, denies the validity of the Torah and of our teacher
Moses.
oaklandj says:
March 11, 2013
11:07 AM
I’m not going to get into an argument about Jewish theology with a Christian on a Jewish site. Sorry.
Sh3LLz2 says:
March 11, 2013
12:17 PM
The Jews have been disobeying God since they left Egypt. No surprise here even though the Torah says all of these people should be (or wouldve been) stoned. Thats why they have been abandoned as Gods people.
oaklandj says:
March 11, 2013
12:45 PM
Three issues: God, gays, and Israel, attract Christians to Tablet (and other online Jewish sites) like white on rice…
elie says:
March 11, 2013
12:57 PM
why dont you THINK before asking? well,my son,lgbt are sinning jews,so they may pray. messianic as you said ,is heresy,there is no synagogue for christian prayer.
elie says:
March 11, 2013
1:01 PM
you can gather in a parc or on the beach,for you it’s all the same.
perot says:
March 11, 2013
1:08 PM
God bless all Jews! Gay, straight or otherwise.
That being said, I’m sad that in this day and age any Jew should chose to separate from the greater community..or cause another to need to separate.
We are one..am yisroel.
Lauren Deutsch says:
March 11, 2013
1:42 PM
The article misses several important elements to the acceptance and support of LGBT Jews to prove that Abraham’s Tent is open on all side. The Jewish Federation of Greater Los Angeles recognizes that young adult LGBT Jews deserved a pathway into the community and has supported the mission of JQ International (jqinternational.org) to this end. Founded in 2005, JQ partners with area Jewish organizations, including congregations, to present holiday celebrations and other programs (educational, social action, etc.) of interest to this otherwise “ad hoc” segment of the population. This spring, JQ and the JFed are co-spoonsoring a BIrthright – Taglit trip to Israel for Jewish LGBT and their Allies.
wolfpeace@aol.com says:
March 11, 2013
1:55 PM
I am a male to female transsexual and Jewishly, a “Traditional Egalitarian Conservative.” I accept that being Orthodox, Reconstructionist, or Reform os right for other Jews, but for me, personally, I cannot accept another choice. Unfortunately, the only LGBT synagogues are either Reform or Reconstructionist. I must be where I am mot comfortable. I belong to and have belong to synagogues that are closer to what I believe: “Traditional Egalitarian Conservative.”
wolfpeace@aol.com says:
March 11, 2013
1:55 PM
A Jewish criminal is still counted in the minyon.
Gregg says:
March 11, 2013
2:00 PM
I’m not sure where Jay Michaelson got that figure of 12% of LGBT Jews being synagogue members. In an article published a few years ago in the Journal of Jewish Communal Service (Vol. 84, No. 1, Winter/Spring 2009), a figure of 16% was cited (vs. 39% for non-LGBT Jews). The same article noted that at least 7% of American Jews identify as lesbian, gay or bisexual (the study didn’t have data on transgender Jews).
02Dave12345 says:
March 11, 2013
5:23 PM
Sounds like some good changes overall.
If a straight person can imagine living in a world where going to work is a mostly LGBT environment, going to the shopping mall it’s the same, almost any restaurant, mostly LGBT people sitting around you, waiting on you. Maybe you can imagine why a mostly LGBT synagogue would be attractive to queer Jews. As much as people are trying these days, we’re still made to feel different much of the time.
elie says:
March 11, 2013
5:48 PM
who cares?
elie says:
March 11, 2013
5:54 PM
you’ve got the point!—is a minyan of criminals a minyan?
oaklandj says:
March 11, 2013
6:21 PM
Are there no trans-accepting Conservative shuls near you? I’m not Conservative myself, but I was under the impression that there are many Conservative congregations that accept trans members.
rebmark says:
March 11, 2013
7:52 PM
I am glad to have had my small part in helping this change come about. Thank you to my various friends who pointed the article (and photo) out to me.
Gitai Ben-Ammi says:
March 11, 2013
8:41 PM
Temple de Hirsch-Sinai in Seattle has always been accepting of my husband and I. There were no issues with our conversion. During Rosh ha-Shanah last year, Rabbi Meyer used his sermon to advocate strongly for voting yes on gay marriage, and the first day it was legal, he performed our wedding. We’re both involved in leadership positions. I know Tikvah Hadashah exists in Seattle, but I’ve just never felt the need to join a specifically LGBT congregation.
Daniel Cheshire says:
March 11, 2013
11:58 PM
Hey, have you heard? All religions are doomed. Atheism is the fastest growing religious belief in the world. The latest statistics, (repeated by the Catholic Church recently), show that in 20 years by 2033, there will likely only be 50% as many religious followers as today. And in 40 years, (2053), there are likely to only be as few as 10% as the number of today. The Vatican made an announcement last month that by 2050, there could be no more Catholic Church. We can only hope. All gods are false and all religions are cults. Science, logic, common sense and international cooperation will be the only savior for mankind. The day we move forward without religious mythology as truth is the moment we will truly be a civilized society.
oaklandj says:
March 12, 2013
2:20 AM
Maybe you can post that on a Catholic site. You don’t understand Judaism if you’re posting it here.
GameTime says:
March 12, 2013
1:34 PM
One thing about gay people is they don’t WANT to be like you or me or anybody else. They have to be different and special and unique. They think their gayness entitles them to it.
GameTime says:
March 12, 2013
1:35 PM
Hey if there were a 1000 shuls near them they would still create their own place. It’s just an excuse to not blend in.
oaklandj says:
March 12, 2013
2:35 PM
With all due respect, you’re missing the point: *why* would an LGBT Jew choose a LGBT-specific synagogue rather than “blend in”?
elie says:
March 12, 2013
2:38 PM
your rabbi is a real bastard!
elie says:
March 12, 2013
2:43 PM
i’m glad to find a man living mentally in 19th century!
anyway,we jews,its not by our number that we exist,but by our personal qualities and our fidelity!
Jack Hillelsohn says:
March 12, 2013
2:50 PM
With all due respect, you are missing the point. A queer person (to use the umbrella term for all who are not strictly hetero-oriented) wants a synagogue to feel that is a home. Many schuls can and have become be welcoming, they can be inclusive, but a Queer synagogue is a HOME for people like me, who want to pray in using gender neutral siddur and environment that is truly non=judgemental and open to all. That is whjy I would choose a Queer schul because I don’t want to and shouldn’t have to “blend-in”.
wolfpeace@aol.com says:
March 12, 2013
4:07 PM
I belonged to two and belong now to one trans accepting Conservative synagogues. The two are past tense because I have moved.
wolfpeace@aol.com says:
March 12, 2013
4:09 PM
Unfortunately, you are both missing the point. There are advantages to both.
wolfpeace@aol.com says:
March 12, 2013
4:11 PM
Yes. What can ten Jewish ganoofs (thieves) do that nine tzadickim can’t? Publicly praise Hashem.
oaklandj says:
March 12, 2013
4:18 PM
Jack: I’m assuming you’re responding to GameTime, not me. You and I seem to be in agreement.
oaklandj says:
March 12, 2013
4:20 PM
So the only thing missing in the one you belong to now is…?
oaklandj says:
March 12, 2013
9:26 PM
All gays think the exact same way? Stop stereotyping.
David Reinwald says:
March 13, 2013
2:21 AM
I believe it is a wonderful sign of the ever-evolving communities and world we live in that more and more LGBT Jews are choosing to and feel comfortable being members of mainstream congregations in every city and suburb throughout the US. At the same time, I entirely recognize the desire and need for LGBT Jews to find their community within community, and finding the LGBT Jewish community at a LGBT synagogue which may recognize special needs and interests of that community more readily is entirely understandable and applauded. In mainstream congregations, I often have experienced LGBT members forming their own chavurot, be they small or large– once again building community within community and no different than any other of the many chavurot that exist, bringing together people of certain demographics, etc.
wolfpeace@aol.com says:
March 13, 2013
3:59 PM
Duchan (priestly blessings) on holy days
Kohen HaGadol says:
March 13, 2013
6:13 PM
Very well put!
Stephen Sass says:
March 13, 2013
8:47 PM
For the record, two events in Beth Chayim Chadashim’s early history as the world’s first LGBT synagogue were unfortunately inadvertently conflated in the article: the initial meeting in 1972 between BCC’s Jerry Small, one of the congregation’s founders, with the UAHC’s Rabbi Arnold Kaiman, who was soon succeeded by Rabbi Erwin L. Herman; and BCC’s 1973 groundbreaking application for membership as a UAHC-affiliated congregation, which was indeed championed, as Rabbi Henkin notes, by Rabbi Herman, zichrono livracha, who was a lifelong advocate, with his wife Agnes, for BCC and for the inclusion in Jewish life of LGBT individuals and families.
As I wrote in the history of BCC published on the occasion of its 30th anniversary: “The ad hoc committee heard a report of Jerry Small’s meeting with Rabbi Arnold Kaiman of the UAHC. Small called Kaiman after learning that the Reform movement of Judaism was the only denomination that might provide assistance to the group. Small reported that he went to the meeting with Rabbi Kaiman expecting to put up a fight. Instead, Rabbi Kaiman’s only response was, ‘How can we help you?’…Soon, Rabbi Erwin L. Herman, then director of UAHC’s Pacific Southwest Council and national director of regional activities was enthusiastically assisting the fledgling congregation, helping develop the lay-led services and adult education classes, obtaining speakers, and lending a Torah and other ritual objects. ‘Rabbi Herman became our champion…he was our advisor, our friend and mentor. I can’t begin to thank him for all of his work on our behalf,’ wrote Lorena Wellington, secretary of the congregation’s board of directors.”
BCC’s 1974 admission to the UAHC, initially welcomed by Rabbi Kaiman and shepherded by Rabbi Herman “through the complex maze of surprise, resistance, ignorance, prejudice, love and goodwill” as noted in a contemporaneous account, marked the first time a synagogue with an outreach to gay men and lesbians was accepted by one of the Jewish congregational movements. It was also the first gay and lesbian congregation of any faith group accepted by a mainstream religious denomination.
Josephine Harkay says:
March 14, 2013
11:46 PM
I am not Jewish, but isn’t a gay synagogue a contradiction in terms? Don’t they accept the Old Testament with its story of Sodom and Gomorrah? How about sodomy being called an abomination in the O.T.? I am puzzled.
Hugo Cavendish says:
March 15, 2013
11:46 AM
It may be: on the other hand, it might not be. Who knows?
Shlomo Toren says:
March 17, 2013
3:28 AM
Adultery is a far worse sin then homosexuality in the Torah. Look and see how many condemnations there are against adultery.
As for homosexuality, when done as a form of idolatry , then of course it is banned.
IMO I am for live and let live as far as LBGT congregations go. Being Orthodox makes it a bit hard for to embrace them, but it is not my right to judge them and as Jews they are my people too.
Shiju says:
March 17, 2013
6:21 AM
I wonder if the God of Bible did wrong by destroying Sodom. If he was right, Sodom will be repeated.
Bill Pearlman says:
March 17, 2013
9:10 AM
Seems similar to what happened to the negro baseball teams after Jackie Robinson.
Crossroads says:
March 17, 2013
1:56 PM
You cannot pretend to worship the G_d of the Old Testament, or the New, while practicing homosexuality……..
……..1 Corinthians 6:8-11……
8 No, you yourselves do wrong and cheat, and you do these things to your brethren! 9 Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals,[a] nor sodomites, 10 nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God. 11 And such were some of you. But you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus and by the Spirit of our God.
David Taffet says:
April 27, 2013
10:14 AM
Tablet decided GLBT synagogues will soon be gone and then says CBST just bought its own space for the first time. Guess no one told Rabbi Kleinbaum that she’ll be out of a job soon.
Here in Dallas, Congregation Beth El Binah is celebrating its 20 anniversary of its affiliation with URJ. We’re doing it with more money in the bank than ever, higher attendance than ever, more programs and classes than ever and a new 2-year contract with our rabbi. We’re partnering with Resource Center Dallas to build the new Gay and Lesbian Community Center to replace the one we’ve called home for 22 years. We partner with Black Tie Dinner each year to raise money for us, a couple of churches, and 15 other AIDS and gay groups in Dallas. Just last night we talked with someone from Cathedral of Hope, the largest GLBT church in the world, to do some joint Hebrew and Jewish education classes. Our rabbi this week led an interfaith anti-Bush library service.
But you’re right. We’re irrelevant and will probably be gone soon.
Mark Slitt says:
April 27, 2013
11:07 AM
Not all LGBT people feel comfortable in a mainstream synagogue. For that matter, neither do many straight people. That’s why safe, welcoming, accepting, mainly-LGBT congregations like Beth El Binah in Dallas (which I led for four years as president in the 90s) will always be relevant. It was the work of my life and I refuse to let articles such as this marginalize it. Kudos to the accepting mainstream congregations – it sure took you long enough to accept us – but please, we still have a role to play.
David Taffet says:
April 28, 2013
11:58 AM
There are so many other reasons we’re still around that aren’t LGBT. We’re the downtown synagogue. The other Reform synagogues are all in North Dallas or the suburbs. We’re the small synagogue. One of the North Dallas synagogues is among the largest in the country and the other one is just huge. We do programming of interest to our members – gay and straight. We welcome people with disabilities. Those members haven’t felt welcome at the mega-synagogues. So many other reasons for us to continue as well. .
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Rabbi Debra Kolodny, Longtime LGBT Jewish Leader, is Nehirim’s Next Executive Director
3.20.13 : Nehirim
New director brings thirty years’ experience as LGBT advocate, spiritual leader, and nonprofit director; Founder to become Vice President at leading LGBT grantmaking foundation
kolodnyNew York, NY. March 20, 2013. Nehirim, the national organization that builds community and advocates for LGBT Jews, families, and allies, announced today that Rabbi Debra Kolodny will be its next Executive Director. Rabbi Kolodny brings thirty years of local and national leadership in LGBT and Jewish organizations, including serving as National Coordinator for BiNet USA, facilitator of the National Gay & Lesbian Task Force’s National Religious Leadership Roundtable, and nine years as the Executive Director of ALEPH: Alliance for Jewish Renewal.
Dr. Jay Michaelson leaves the organization he founded to become Vice President of Social Justice Programs at the Arcus Foundation, one of the world’s leading funders of LGBT advocacy. Said Michaelson, “I cannot think of anyone better suited to carry forward the work of Nehirim than Deb. Her combination of deep spirituality and equally deep organizational talents will take this community and its mission, to the next level.”
Dr. Jan Hackman of Nehirim’s Board of Directors agreed. “This is a truly joyous day for the Nehirim community,” Hackman said. “We wish Jay well on the next step of his journey, and welcome Deb on hers.”
Kolodny is the editor of the anthology Blessed Bi Spirit: Bisexual People of Faith, and author of dozens of articles on religion and sexuality. A former attorney, she is the rabbi of P’nai Or of Portland and frequent guest speaker, ritualist, and teacher. She has served on Nehirim’s Board of Advisors for several years, and co-directed two Nehirim retreats. After a transitional period as Associate Director, Kolodny will become Executive Director of the organization in October.
The last year has seen significant growth at Nehirim, including over one hundred programs across the country and the formation of a team of lay leaders and stakeholders. Nehirim’s work includes community programming, chiefly weekend retreats and on-campus student programs, and LGBT advocacy work devoted to building a more just and inclusive world based on the teachings in the Jewish tradition.
Said Rabbi Kolodny, “”I’m delighted to be able to serve the Nehirim community, integrating my passions for Judaism and community building as I lift up the power and beauty of LGBT souls.”
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Nehirim is a national community of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) Jews, partners, and allies, committed to a more just and inclusive world. Founded in 2004 and based in New York, its supporters include private foundations, Jewish federations, and a network of private donors.
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Jayson Littman, 'Mayor' of Gay Jewish Party Scene, Was Once Yeshiva Boy
He'bro's Gigs, 'Man-orah,' Often Attract 1,000 Clubbers
He’bro: Jayson Littman created his gay Jewish events group to fill a niche.
Claudio Papapietro
He’bro: Jayson Littman created his gay Jewish events group to fill a niche.
By Elyssa Goodman
Published March 28, 2013, issue of March 29, 2013.
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“You’re now a gay American Jew? Are you a Jewish American gay? Are you an American gay Jew?” Jayson Littman pondered his multiple identities. Is it possible to be all three simultaneously?
For Littman, it’s a rhetorical question. The 35-year-old financial consultant hosts parties in New York City, where the scene is decidedly gay and Jewish.
Littman created his events group, He’bro, in 2007 after he realized that there were few social outlets for gay Jews. There were Jewish organizations for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender individuals that offered spiritual experiences, but he felt that secular gay Jews needed and wanted to meet each other in nonreligious settings. His first party, a “Jewfest” at the Vlada Lounge, in Hell’s Kitchen, was meant to be a small affair with some 30 people, but word spread through Facebook and 250 people showed up.
Today, the parties — which are funded through door admission at Manhattan clubs — can easily attract hundreds, sometimes more than 1,000 people, and last until the early hours of the morning. The events are loosely themed to Jewish holidays: Sederlicious occurs just before Passover; High Homodays marks Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, and Jewbilee is on Christmas Eve. Each party brims with Jewish inside jokes. There’s a dry erase board at High Homodays, tagged with the phrase “I Repent,” on which guests can write down their sins. At one Jewbilee there was a “Man-orah” of male dancers. Most guests are secular Jews who consider the parties a rare outlet for their religious identities, Littman said. But some Orthodox Jews come, as well.
“We’re not doing gay work in the Jewish community,” Littman said. “We’re doing Jewish work in the gay community.”
He’bro has gained a rapid following. Littman’s parties are known not only across the country — people come from as far away as California, not to mention cities close by, like Washington, D.C., Philadelphia, and Boston — but also in Israel, where He’bro has admirers in Tel Aviv’s dynamic gay social scene. (Littman also helps contribute to that scene by leading gay Jewish Birthright trips.)
“If you’re a young, gay Jew moving to New York and you’re looking to get into the scene, Jayson Littman is the one to know,” said Micah Jesse, a 26-year-old entertainment writer. For gay Jews, Jesse said, He’bro is like “the gay bar mitzvah we never got to have.”
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Gaby Dunn · 29 weeks ago
Yay LGBT Jews!
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Harold Levine · 29 weeks ago
What a wonderful article! Thank you!
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I find it curious to see Chrismas Eve mentioned in the list of Jewish holidays...
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rabbitonyjutner · 29 weeks ago
I would like to see this energy transmitted to anti zionism activism. Leaders of the mainstream gay community such as Judith Butler and Sarah Schulman have shown that we must ally ourselves with progressive movements including Hamas and Hezbollah. If we make common cause with radical Islamic groups, upon our ultimate victory over zionism, gay rights will be upheld from Morocco to Indonesia
Amandla!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Jayson Littman, 'Mayor' of Gay Jewish Party Scene, Was Once Yeshiva Boy
He'bro's Gigs, 'Man-orah,' Often Attract 1,000 Clubbers
He’bro: Jayson Littman created his gay Jewish events group to fill a niche.
Claudio Papapietro
He’bro: Jayson Littman created his gay Jewish events group to fill a niche.
By Elyssa Goodman
Published March 28, 2013, issue of March 29, 2013.
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(Page 2 of 4)
Related ?The Way I Was
?My Big, Gay Jewish Seder
?A Gay Jewish Reading List
Littman and He’bro have occasionally come under fire for taking Judaism too lightly, for marking religious holidays with raucous parties.
“My hope is that He’bro can be a gateway drug,” said Jay Michaelson, founder of the LGBT Jewish group Nehirim (and a Forward contributing editor). “Hopefully, some percentage of the Jews and bagel chasers [non-Jewish men who are interested in Jews] who come to He’bro will take a further step on their journeys, maybe checking out some Jewish learning, or getting involved politically, or visiting Nehirim or one of the other LGBT Jewish organizations that offer more substantive forms of engagement.”
Littman, for his part, doesn’t see his parties as a substitute for an active practice, but more as an opportunity to acknowledge Jewish identity in the world of gay socializing.
Before Littman became the “king of New York’s gay Jewish nightlife” as a 2012 Times of Israel story called him, he was a young yeshiva student trying to find his own path. He grew up in a Washington Heights congregation called K’hal Adath Jeshurun, made up of Orthodox German Ashkenazi Jews.
In his early 20s, Littman realized he was having feelings for other men. Desperate to hold on to the community he had grown up with and to raise a family, at 21 he voluntarily entered the JONAH (originally Jews Offering New Alternatives for Homosexuality, now called Jews Offering New Alternatives for Healing) reparative therapy program in Jersey City, N.J. He hoped it would rid him of his attractions. In a 2011 Huffington Post article, Littman wrote, “…it wasn’t a choice between coming out and conversion therapy; rather, it was a choice between conversion therapy and not wanting to live anymore.”
After five years of therapy, he moved into the Westmont apartment complex on the Upper West Side, known for its straight Orthodox singles scene. He wanted to date women, find a wife, have a family. But deep down inside, Littman knew the therapy didn’t work. Unbeknown to his roommates at the Westmont, he began exploring the gay community, get- ting involved with gay Jewish groups like Jewish Queer Youth, an LGBT group for Orthodox Jews.
In June 2007, Littman went on a gay cruise on the Queen Mary 2 to Southampton, England, from New York. It was an environment that was, he said, “100% gay all the time.” He kept kosher on the cruise, and put on tefillin in his room. For the first time, he was comfortable as an openly gay religious Jew; it was a turning point.
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The Forward welcomes reader comments in order to promote thoughtful discussion on issues of importance to the Jewish community. In the interest of maintaining a civil forum, the Forward requires that all commenters be appropriately respectful toward our writers, other commenters and the subjects of the articles. Vigorous debate and reasoned critique are welcome; name-calling and personal invective are not. While we generally do not seek to edit or actively moderate comments, the Forward reserves the right to remove comments for any reason.
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Gaby Dunn · 29 weeks ago
Yay LGBT Jews!
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Harold Levine · 29 weeks ago
What a wonderful article! Thank you!
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I find it curious to see Chrismas Eve mentioned in the list of Jewish holidays...
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rabbitonyjutner · 29 weeks ago
I would like to see this energy transmitted to anti zionism activism. Leaders of the mainstream gay community such as Judith Butler and Sarah Schulman have shown that we must ally ourselves with progressive movements including Hamas and Hezbollah. If we make common cause with radical Islamic groups, upon our ultimate victory over zionism, gay rights will be upheld from Morocco to Indonesia
Amandla!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Jayson Littman, 'Mayor' of Gay Jewish Party Scene, Was Once Yeshiva Boy
He'bro's Gigs, 'Man-orah,' Often Attract 1,000 Clubbers
He’bro: Jayson Littman created his gay Jewish events group to fill a niche.
Claudio Papapietro
He’bro: Jayson Littman created his gay Jewish events group to fill a niche.
By Elyssa Goodman
Published March 28, 2013, issue of March 29, 2013.
Share Share
Single Page
(Page 3 of 4)
Related ?The Way I Was
?My Big, Gay Jewish Seder
?A Gay Jewish Reading List
Yet as he began living an active life in the gay community in New York City, his Jewish identity took a back seat. In February 2008 he stopped wearing tefillin. On that day, he literally marked his departure from Orthodox Judaism with a tattoo on the spot on his arm where he used to wrap the black straps. His tattoo artist, an Israeli named Yoni Zilber, inked “besiyata dishmaya” in Aramaic. Littman was required to write that notation, which means “with the help of heavens,” on every paper he turned in at yeshiva.
“You’re Jewish, you’re not allowed to have a tattoo,” people would tell him.
“Well, I’m not allowed to be gay, either,” he’d respond.
Today, Littman said, “I feel like I freelance in Orthodox Judaism.” He keeps kosher and observes the Sabbath, alternating his attendance at Orthodox and gay synagogues. He spends the holidays with his parents or with his siblings and their children, who, he said, have come to accept him.
‘It’s a way to celebrate,” Brian Delshad said of Jewbilee, He’bro’s Christmas Eve celebration. “It’s a night where typically we have nowhere to go. As Jayson says, forget ordering the Chinese food tonight, just come out to this!”
Delshad, 27, works in real estate development and was raised in the Conservative tradition. His parents used to warn him against showing his Judaism too strongly, for fear of the social consequences they experienced being Persian Jews in a largely Muslim culture. For Delshad, hiding his Jewish identity was akin to hiding the fact that he was gay, which he did until he came out at age 19. “Now it’s like, oh wait, both these two things — I mean, maybe it’s because we’re in New York City, I don’t know — but they’re both turning out to be pluses. There’s community involved behind being Jewish, there’s community involved behind being gay… it’s seen as a good thing. I feel very lucky in my adult life to have experienced that,” he said. “I constantly will come across guys who are like: ‘Oh, my God, you’re Jewish. That’s awesome. You guys make good husbands.’” Delshad laughingly calls these men “bagel chasers,” a term coined by Littman.
Like Littman, Delshad found that coming out pushed his Jewish identity to the background for a while. After he came out, he focused on forming an identity and on finding a place in New York City’s gay community. “If I didn’t have such a strong Conservative and yeshiva background, I might have forgotten [my Jewish roots]” he said. “So Jayson’s there to remind you, ‘Hey, you can do both!’ While you’re trying to figure yourself out, why don’t you come over to a He’bro party? Discover it all at one time, you know?”
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Gaby Dunn · 29 weeks ago
Yay LGBT Jews!
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Harold Levine · 29 weeks ago
What a wonderful article! Thank you!
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Guy Tembert · 10 weeks ago
I find it curious to see Chrismas Eve mentioned in the list of Jewish holidays...
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rabbitonyjutner · 29 weeks ago
I would like to see this energy transmitted to anti zionism activism. Leaders of the mainstream gay community such as Judith Butler and Sarah Schulman have shown that we must ally ourselves with progressive movements including Hamas and Hezbollah. If we make common cause with radical Islamic groups, upon our ultimate victory over zionism, gay rights will be upheld from Morocco to Indonesia
Amandla!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Jayson Littman, 'Mayor' of Gay Jewish Party Scene, Was Once Yeshiva Boy
He'bro's Gigs, 'Man-orah,' Often Attract 1,000 Clubbers
He’bro: Jayson Littman created his gay Jewish events group to fill a niche.
Claudio Papapietro
He’bro: Jayson Littman created his gay Jewish events group to fill a niche.
By Elyssa Goodman
Published March 28, 2013, issue of March 29, 2013.
Share Share
Single Page
(Page 4 of 4)
Related ?The Way I Was
?My Big, Gay Jewish Seder
?A Gay Jewish Reading List
At He’bro’s Christmas Eve Jewbilee, Jayson circulated the crowd, his tattoo peeking out of the sleeve of his T-shirt. He was all smiles, hugging and shaking hands with the Jewbilee patrons, many of whom know him as the “Mayor of the Gay Jews.” They were a variety of dark-haired men, some smooth faces, others scruffy, mostly on the shorter side. Sometimes a chai or a hamsa or a Star of David hung from their necks. Some are American, some are Israeli, some are neither. “Wow, it feels like there’s a real community here!” my non-Jewish companion said.
Jews of all kinds peppered the crowd (including one shirtless Jewish Santa, wearing blue fuzzy pants and a hat trimmed in white, a chai tattooed on his chest). Some wore yarmulkes; some went shirtless and wore giant tinsel Stars of David. I saw young and old, gay and straight, Jewish, Asian, black, female, drag queen and more. Go-go boys danced onstage, their rippled muscles bending and twisting under the club’s glittering lights as the plastic Stars of David hanging from their necks bounced rhythmically against their chests. Every so often, a man slipped a dollar or two into a go-go boy’s tiny, tiny shorts.
The thumping beats from DJ Steve Sidewalk, also a gay Jew (Littman likes to keep it in the community), pounded through the space, infusing songs like Rihanna’s “S&M” with Israeli pop.
Later that night, I ran into an old friend from college.
“How did you hear about the party?” I asked.
“I’m gay and Jewish,” he said.
“No, but really.”
“I’m gay and Jewish.”
It’s an answer Littman would be happy to hear.
Elyssa Goodman is a writer and photographer living in New York. Visit www.miss-manhattan.com for more of her work.
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+3
Gaby Dunn's avatar - Go to profile
Gaby Dunn · 29 weeks ago
Yay LGBT Jews!
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Harold Levine · 29 weeks ago
What a wonderful article! Thank you!
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Guy Tembert · 10 weeks ago
I find it curious to see Chrismas Eve mentioned in the list of Jewish holidays...
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rabbitonyjutner's avatar - Go to profile
rabbitonyjutner · 29 weeks ago
I would like to see this energy transmitted to anti zionism activism. Leaders of the mainstream gay community such as Judith Butler and Sarah Schulman have shown that we must ally ourselves with progressive movements including Hamas and Hezbollah. If we make common cause with radical Islamic groups, upon our ultimate victory over zionism, gay rights will be upheld from Morocco to Indonesia
Amandla!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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The Quest of Life
2013
Jay Michaelson discusses homophobia: what it is, how it is created, and what impact it has on Queer People and on our larger culture. He also talks about the concept of "internalized homophobia."
Hosted by Harry Faddis.
Columnist: Forward, Huffington Post, Tikkun, Zeek, Reality Sandwich. Author: Everything is God: The Radical Path of Nondual Judaism, God in Your Body, Another Word for Sky. J.D., Yale; working on Ph.D in Jewish Thought at Hebrew U.
Founder & Executive Director, Nehirim: GLBT Jewish Culture & Spirituality. Jay has Preached at NPR; performed at CBGB's; taught at Burning Man; sat at silent meditation for 5 months last year.
Links:
www.jaymichaelson.net
5/10/13
Jay Michaelson: Homophobia, Part 2 of a Series
Guest: Jay Michaelson
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Panel urges greater acceptance of LGBTs through word and deed
By BOB FRYER
Jewish Press
Panelists (L-R) Rabbi Betsy Torop, Rabbi Jason Rosenberg, Dr. Rachel Silverman, Jay Michaelson and Rabbi Robert Judd. Panelists (L-R) Rabbi Betsy Torop, Rabbi Jason Rosenberg, Dr. Rachel Silverman, Jay Michaelson and Rabbi Robert Judd. Making changes to synagogue websites to declare that a congregation is welcoming to the LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender) community is nice, but may not be enough to convince people who often feel they are outsiders, said Rabbi Jason Rosenberg.
“Even terms like ‘welcoming’ and ‘tolerance’ can be offensive. To tolerate is to put up with something you do not like,” he said, adding that even saying one is welcome “may have people feeling they are different, but welcome, when we need to make them feel they are one of us, and welcome.” His comments met with consensus among others on a five-member panel of Jewish leaders taking part in a public discussion on LGBT issues, “My House Shall Be A House for All People: The Blessings and Challenges of Being an Inclusive Jewish Community,” earlier this month in Ybor City.
The event was organized by Tampa Jewish Family Services and moderated by Lydia Adams, clinical director at TJFS.
Participating on the panel with Rabbi Rosenberg, of Congregation Beth Am, were Rabbi Betsy Torop of Congregation Beth Shalom in Brandon, Rabbi Robert Judd of Congregation Kol Ami, author Jay Michaelson and Dr. Rachel Silverman.
Michaelson, who now lives in New York but grew up in Tampa, is author of God vs Gay? – The Religious Case for Equality. Silverman, an LGBT advocate while at the University of South Florida, is now an advisor to Pride and Hillel students at Embry-Riddle Aeronautical University in Daytona Beach.
The panelists agreed that those likely to feel like outsiders can be made to feel a part of things through words and actions of clergy leaders, by making sure life-cycle rituals and other synagogue activities are inclusive. This applies not just to LGBTs, but also ethnic minorities, multi-faith families, or anyone else who feels they are not fully embraced, they said.
“When we say we are welcoming to all,” Rabbi Torop said, “there are still some who wonder, ‘Does that mean me, too.’” She said it is up to the clergy and congregants to make sure they understand that they do mean they welcome all.
The rabbis agreed that they have to create expectations within their congregations of how to treat folks who might feel slighted.
Michaelson noted that especially for older congregants, “going from zero to 100 percent acceptance” is not easy, and offered a “feel, felt, found” approach to conversations with those reluctant to embrace the LGBT community. He said it goes along these lines: “I know how you feel, because I felt that way too, but now I found a different view.”
Silverman said she would advise congregants, “You might not be OK with LGBTs, but you can still be nice to them.” She said once people try doing that, if they keep trying, one day they will find they are not doing it to be nice, but because they do accept them.
“People get stupid wholesale and get wise retail,” Michaelson said, adding that one-on-one conversations are the most effective at changing attitudes.
Rabbi Rosenberg said it is hard for members of the Tampa Rabbinical Association to agree on anything, but there was unanimous agreement when they recently decided to write a column that ran in the Jewish Press, proclaiming that they welcome the LGBT community in all their synagogues.
A member of the audience asked the panel members to assess where they think Tampa is in terms of acceptance of LGBTs and if they have seen progress. All agreed that throughout the nation, attitudes have changed a lot in recent years and most seemed to think Tampa has made good progress.
“It is up to leadership to keep the momentum going,” said Rabbi Judd.
“It [the Bay area] is still a community with a lot of challenges,” Rabbi Torop said, adding the relatively small population of LGBTs is a limiting factor here. She also noted that among youths, nearly everyone knows of someone who is gay or lesbian and it is not a big deal to them, but for the elderly, who grew up with different values, it takes time to change opinions.
The challenge, said Rabbi Rosenberg, is not the attitude of youth on that issue, but to ensure they learn to value being Jewish and remain members of that faith.
Silverman said Jews are often involved in civil rights and other social or political causes and that getting them invested in promoting equal rights for LGBTs will only help generate greater acceptance and send a message to that community that the Jewish faith welcomes them.
One member of the audience suggested that just as congregations celebrate confirmations and b’nai mitzvahs as transition events, a celebration of someone “coming out” would show a congregation is inclusive of the LGBT community. He wondered if there was any ritual within Judiasm for that.
“I wrote a Jewish ritual for coming out,” Michaelson responded. When panel members were asked what gifts the LGBT community brings to their synagogues, Michaleson said, “There are so many unique perspectives that loving differently can bring to Judaism – bringing new thoughts and perspectives on things we thought we knew.”
“It is the gift of diversity,” said Silverman. “Feminist contributions to Judaism have made it a better religion. Any diversity creates a gift because you are crafting a better understanding of people. The ability to laugh at ourselves, think deeply and debate and joke about it – Jews and LGBTs both are that way.”
Rabbi Rosenberg noted that about 3 percent of the nation’s population “is not straight and we are not in a position to say no to that number of people. People have been written out of Jewish history because they loved a man. Brilliant minds have been lost to us and we are diminished.”
“We all bring our own gifts, our own stories and all, whatever their journey, enrich us,” said Rabbi Torop.
“The one gift LGBTs or any Jew who is outside of the box gives us is when we look at them, we get to look God in the face,” said Rabbi Judd.
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Pride Interview: Alyssa Finn and Nehirim
by Leah Koenig | July 9, 2013 | 1 comment
Pride Interview: Alyssa Finn and Nehirim
Photo courtesy of Alyssa Finn (pictured).
During Pride Month, Repair the World published interviews with the people and organizations who are on the forefront of the LGBTQ movement. Pride Month 2013 is officially over, but we have one more interviewee who is too great not to share. (Think of it as a bonus feature!) New York resident Alyssa Finn talks about her transformative experience at a retreat led by Nehirim (a national community of LGBT Jews, partners, and allies), and how she transitioned from being an enthusiastic participant to a committed volunteer and board member.
How did you first find Nehirim?
It’s a funny story! Back in 2009 I was on J-Date and this person contacted me who said, “I don’t know if you and I would be good for each other romantically, but I think we’d be friends and I’d like to meet you.” So we met up and, as she thought, we totally clicked as friends. On our first meeting she told me about Nehirim and how they were hosting their first ever women only gathering. I’d never thought about combining my queerness with my Judaism, so this seemed like an interesting opportunity.
And how was the retreat?
It was incredible. I’ve never felt so whole in my entire life. Sometimes in life I think we inadvertently shine a light on different parts of ourselves depending on what the situation calls for. And by doing that, the other parts of our life grow temporarily dimmer. But at the retreat I felt like all my lights were on, and I didn’t have to dim anything. I found community I didn’t even know I needed.
What was it about the retreat that made it so powerful?
There was a good sized group of people all around my age, who were all experiencing a Nehirim retreat for the first time – so having a cohort to bond with and share the novelty of the experience with was really great. I was also blown away by the community as a whole. I’d thought everyone was going to be just like me – a bunch of Jewish queer folks all getting together. But we were all really different in ways I didn’t anticipate – religiously, our ages, socio-economically, racially. It gave me more freedom to be who I was because, while we came together with one commonality, we all had our own special take on it to share.
How did you stay involved after the retreat?
I actually kind of became a Nehirim junkie! I immediately signed up for a multi-gendered retreat, which was four months later, and ended up going to another retreat that same year. Along the way, queer Jewish community has become my norm instead of something I thought I could never have. It changed the way I viewed myself and also encouraged me to find Jewish queer circles outside of the retreats. In Massachusetts, where I was in medical school until recently, I also participated with a lot of Keshet programs – I actually met my fiancé Lisa through a Keshet shabbat potluck! Then about two years ago, I was asked to play more of a facilitator role at a Nehirim retreat. That’s when I started really owning the experience and realizing I could play a creation role in this work. There was this shift from just taking things in to being like, “wow, I can help give this experience to other people.”
What does it mean to facilitate at a Nehirim retreat?
We have these small groups that meet three times over the course of the retreat, which allows people to get to know some of the other participants really well and have a smaller, safe space to listen and be listened to. I helped facilitate one of those small groups. During the third meeting we do a “blessing circle” where each person steps into the center and asks for a blessing to bring with them after the retreat ends. So everyone stands around them and gives their blessings at the same time. With everyone talking over each other it’s not about individual words, but about the act of bestowing and receiving blessings. It’s really powerful.
When did you join the Nehirim board?
I joined last October. It’s been a pretty loose commitment so far, but we have a board visioning retreat at the end of June. We’re transitioning to a new executive director, so at the retreat we’ll talk about how to best move forward and transition with our new leadership. We’ll also envision what our roles on the board could and should be. I’m looking forward to it because our board members are spread all over the country, so this is the first time we’ll all be face-to-face. This is my first time on a board, and I’ve found it really interesting. Overall, it’s great to be able to help take something that has been powerful for me and try to bring that energy outward to other people.
Find out more about Nehirim’s work at their website.
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Alyssa Finn, Nehirim, New York
About the Author
Leah Koenig is a freelance writer and editor whose work has appeared in The New York Times Magazine, Saveur, Every Day with Rachael Ray, Hadassah Magazine, Lilith, Edible Brooklyn and Beliefnet. She contributes a monthly column on food to The Forward and a bi-weekly column to Saveur.com. She is also the former editor of Hazon's award-winning blog, The Jew & The Carrot. Leah joined Repair the World as a contributing editor in late 2009.
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*Bonus #PrideMonth Interview!* Alyssa Finn and Nehirim http://t.co/q6XVNe4uan
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Pride Interview: Alyssa Finn and Nehirim
by Leah Koenig | July 9, 2013 | 1 comment
Pride Interview: Alyssa Finn and Nehirim
Photo courtesy of Alyssa Finn (pictured).
During Pride Month, Repair the World published interviews with the people and organizations who are on the forefront of the LGBTQ movement. Pride Month 2013 is officially over, but we have one more interviewee who is too great not to share. (Think of it as a bonus feature!) New York resident Alyssa Finn talks about her transformative experience at a retreat led by Nehirim (a national community of LGBT Jews, partners, and allies), and how she transitioned from being an enthusiastic participant to a committed volunteer and board member.
How did you first find Nehirim?
It’s a funny story! Back in 2009 I was on J-Date and this person contacted me who said, “I don’t know if you and I would be good for each other romantically, but I think we’d be friends and I’d like to meet you.” So we met up and, as she thought, we totally clicked as friends. On our first meeting she told me about Nehirim and how they were hosting their first ever women only gathering. I’d never thought about combining my queerness with my Judaism, so this seemed like an interesting opportunity.
And how was the retreat?
It was incredible. I’ve never felt so whole in my entire life. Sometimes in life I think we inadvertently shine a light on different parts of ourselves depending on what the situation calls for. And by doing that, the other parts of our life grow temporarily dimmer. But at the retreat I felt like all my lights were on, and I didn’t have to dim anything. I found community I didn’t even know I needed.
What was it about the retreat that made it so powerful?
There was a good sized group of people all around my age, who were all experiencing a Nehirim retreat for the first time – so having a cohort to bond with and share the novelty of the experience with was really great. I was also blown away by the community as a whole. I’d thought everyone was going to be just like me – a bunch of Jewish queer folks all getting together. But we were all really different in ways I didn’t anticipate – religiously, our ages, socio-economically, racially. It gave me more freedom to be who I was because, while we came together with one commonality, we all had our own special take on it to share.
How did you stay involved after the retreat?
I actually kind of became a Nehirim junkie! I immediately signed up for a multi-gendered retreat, which was four months later, and ended up going to another retreat that same year. Along the way, queer Jewish community has become my norm instead of something I thought I could never have. It changed the way I viewed myself and also encouraged me to find Jewish queer circles outside of the retreats. In Massachusetts, where I was in medical school until recently, I also participated with a lot of Keshet programs – I actually met my fiancé Lisa through a Keshet shabbat potluck! Then about two years ago, I was asked to play more of a facilitator role at a Nehirim retreat. That’s when I started really owning the experience and realizing I could play a creation role in this work. There was this shift from just taking things in to being like, “wow, I can help give this experience to other people.”
What does it mean to facilitate at a Nehirim retreat?
We have these small groups that meet three times over the course of the retreat, which allows people to get to know some of the other participants really well and have a smaller, safe space to listen and be listened to. I helped facilitate one of those small groups. During the third meeting we do a “blessing circle” where each person steps into the center and asks for a blessing to bring with them after the retreat ends. So everyone stands around them and gives their blessings at the same time. With everyone talking over each other it’s not about individual words, but about the act of bestowing and receiving blessings. It’s really powerful.
When did you join the Nehirim board?
I joined last October. It’s been a pretty loose commitment so far, but we have a board visioning retreat at the end of June. We’re transitioning to a new executive director, so at the retreat we’ll talk about how to best move forward and transition with our new leadership. We’ll also envision what our roles on the board could and should be. I’m looking forward to it because our board members are spread all over the country, so this is the first time we’ll all be face-to-face. This is my first time on a board, and I’ve found it really interesting. Overall, it’s great to be able to help take something that has been powerful for me and try to bring that energy outward to other people.
Find out more about Nehirim’s work at their website.
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Alyssa Finn, Nehirim, New York
About the Author
Leah Koenig is a freelance writer and editor whose work has appeared in The New York Times Magazine, Saveur, Every Day with Rachael Ray, Hadassah Magazine, Lilith, Edible Brooklyn and Beliefnet. She contributes a monthly column on food to The Forward and a bi-weekly column to Saveur.com. She is also the former editor of Hazon's award-winning blog, The Jew & The Carrot. Leah joined Repair the World as a contributing editor in late 2009.
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@repairtheworld
3 months ago
*Bonus #PrideMonth Interview!* Alyssa Finn and Nehirim http://t.co/q6XVNe4uan
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